Pairing: Rhett Abbott x Fem!Reader!
Summary: After a rough couple of years in California, you move to the quiet pastures of Wabang to work in your sister's bakery, finding solace in the life she's built for herself there. A fresh start would've been a lot easier if a certain six-foot, blue-eyed cowboy hadn't waltzed into the shop with his Stetson pulled low.
Wordcount: 13.239k (sorry)
Warnings: SMUT! (it gets filthy pls don't look at me - oral sex f!receiving, fingering, handjob, spit play??, corny dirty talk), Soft Dom!Rhett Abbott, Possessive!RhettAbbott, Sub!Reader, Sub Space (adjacent? Sub-space-ish?), Mentions of Daddy Kink, Massive Praise Kink, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Porn with a lot of Plot, Angst (can't write anything without it lmao), Fluff, Humor, Slow Burn, Mentions of Drug/Alcohol Use, Implied Bar Fights, Reader has a troubled past, CORNY THIS GETS SO CORNY.
A/N: (this is my belated unsolicited two cents on the Sabrina Carpenter album cover discourse, like let a woman SUB BRO let a gal be a whiny bottom!) Yes, I've been temporarily Rhett-Abbott-pilled...Yes, I've been yee-haw-ed so hard...this was a one-time thing to exorcise my demons
The Disappointment Club
The first time you saw Rhett Abbott, you were behind the counter of your sister’s bakery, piping lemon-thyme curd onto a fresh batch of muffins with the precision of someone who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a piping bag—or a convection oven; or anything sharp, really; anything inside of a bakery, possibly.
“So, you’re the new hire?” The man said, all six feet, Wyoming drawl, and his Stetson pulled so low all you could see was his mouth.
You were about to speak up when a glob of curd plopped onto your boot.
“That’s my little sister, Rhett,” Maya warned, kicking open the swinging doors as she emerged from the kitchen, a batch of mint-green pastry boxes piled in her arms. “So you better not get any funny ideas.”
“Alright, I hear you.” He huffed a low laugh, rifling through his wallet before handing your sister a couple of bills. “I’ll make sure to keep my ideas void of humor.”
“Good, and keep them to yourself while you’re at it. Greet your mom for me!” Maya added with biting faux sweetness that had haunted you throughout your childhood. She handed him the pastry boxes, and the two of you watched in silence as he lumbered out of the bakery. The ding of the shop bell, the cuff of his boots on the tiles. He looked back once through the shop windows, the brim of his hat revealing a surprisingly tender face. The shape of it there, for a moment, in a soft bar of sunlight—before he disappeared from view.
You lowered the piping bag and took a long breath.
“Don’t even start.” Maya thwacked you with a dish towel.
“Who the fuck was that?”
“Someone you will not get involved with.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Cowboy McDreamy—”
“Stop. Don’t start with your funny ideas.”
“My ideas are famously hilarious.”
“Trust me. Rhett Abbott’s the type of guy who goes for buckle bunnies and tourists—"
"Buckle-what?"
"—and you are very much neither, so how about you make sure those blueberry muffins don’t look like someone assembled them with their eyes closed, hm?” She cocked a brow at your army of malformed swirls. You scoffed.
“You know what?” Defiantly, you lifted the piping bag and proceeded to squirt the rest of the curd into your mouth—before scrambling to the back, dodging your sister's ardent attempts at skinning your ass raw with a dish towel.
· · ❁ · ·
The second time you saw Rhett Abbott, you were on a date at The Longhorn. It was the only bar in town that had decent enough beer and a dancefloor that wasn’t slick with liquor and vomit past ten PM.
Your sister had set you up: He was the son of the game warden, Adam or Adrian (you’d long forgotten), awkward but polite, built like a shy greyhound, and stealing glances at your cleavage in intervals growing shorter and shorter the further he worked his way down a bottle of Budweiser.
He wasn’t terrible company, patiently listening to you talk about the weather and how much you missed San Diego and your current hyperfixation on the baby goat that lived on the farm next door to your sister’s place. It has three legs, so they built her this tiny prosthetic, so she can walk properly. They named her Tres, as in Tres Leches, get it? Isn’t that the most adorable fucking thing you’ve ever heard in your whole entire fucking life?
You tried to ignore Adam-Adrian’s audible sigh of relief when you got up to grab another round of beers. Maybe you’d get yourself something stronger. Or maybe you’d find a good enough excuse to call it a night, and you would’ve, you really, really would’ve if you hadn’t bumped your shoulder into none other than Mr. Cowboy McDreamy himself.
He’d swapped the Stetson for a washed-out baseball cap. Jaw hard and stubbled, nose a long slender slope in the lights reflecting off the dancefloor.
“Hey there, Shortcake.” His quirk of a smile that aged him backwards.
Shortcake.
It wouldn’t have worked anywhere else, with anyone else, but you were a lightweight two beers in, and you liked the way the light hit his eyes, clear blue, like a drop of rain on a car window.
You would’ve said something cheeky, something about having funny ideas—but he cut you off: “He sure seems like a good time.”
Tipping his chin towards Adam-Adrian slouched in the booth like a lonely sapling.
You didn't like the way he'd said it. You knew men like Rhett Abbott, and you knew what happened when you let them into your life. “You know what,” you said, “he is, actually. Not that it’s any of your business.”
Rhett’s eyebrows lifted once, then smoothed out. “Okay.” He took a swig of his beer. “Got it.” Like something had been settled between you two.
· · ❁ · ·
The third time you saw Rhett Abbott, your sister’s husband, Jonah—Like the actor! Oh, and the book! Ha-ha! (which had gotten old the first time he’d said it)—took you out to the rodeo grounds.
You and your sister had grown up in San Diego, amongst beaches and high-rises and palm trees lining manicured promenades. A place of juice cleanses and electric scooters. Men riding bulls in an arena had seemed unthinkable to you; something arcane, something forgotten.
The rusty roofing of the grandstands shaded the crowd from the setting sun, its light disappearing behind the mountains, the endless sprawl of the valley. Everyone was buzzing, solo cups swishing beer, kids pressed up against the railing. A glossy nimbus of girls in cowboy boots and jean shorts chirped drunkenly one rung below. Every once in a while the PA crackled with the rumbling voice of the announcer, “Aaaaand here we go, folks! Big Joe out the gate, looking strong. Ah! Look at that spin, folks, right in the pocket—”
As a middle-school teacher, Jonah was forever sweet and excited about anything. Even bull riding, it seemed. He explained bull ropes and suicide grips, rattling down the names of the upcoming bulls in the pen. “—okay, so there’s Rotten Dynamite, rankest motherfucker you’ll ever see. Then there’s Terminator. Oh! And Iron Dome! We love Iron Dome. Blind in one eye, bucks like a whipcrack. Heard Rhett’s riding him tonight—”
Everyone knew Rhett Abbott rode bulls. The framed picture of him and his dad hung above the bar at The Longhorn, the two of them triumphantly holding up a big-buckled belt, the hard set of their twin jaws. People in Wabang rode bucking horses and lassoed cattle, wore their hats to the pharmacy and the supermarket, and hauled feed on their way to church. Old buildings still had hitching posts that cracked and blistered in the sun, like in a Western.
Rhett riding bulls wasn’t a surprise—but seeing it was.
When the chute slammed open, you imagined something inside the crowd opened with it. Iron Dome, with its roiling beastly body, black as a hole in the floodlights, thundered into the arena. Dirt spraying. Crowd shouting. Rhett’s slender body meeting each jerk and heave and lunge, face hidden beneath the wide brim of his Stetson. The crowd surged forward all at once, a wild energy shuttling through it like a wave. Jonah hollered next to you, pumping a fist into the cool evening air.
Five seconds, six seconds—
Seven point one.
Rhett's body bending back, bow-tight, arm flung as high as the kick of the bull’s hind legs. Fused in perfect symmetry, their golden ratio like something painted.
You flinched when Rhett’s arm snagged on the rope, and when Iron Dome finally lashed him off, and he went flying into the dirt—whatever had settled between you two, all at once, unsettled itself.
· · ❁ · ·
During the biggest fight you’d ever had with your sister, she’d called you a human hand grenade with the propensity for blowing up your life more than you could afford to. Which…okay, fair.
People never expected you to be difficult or complicated or messy. You didn’t look it. Most of the time you didn’t even act like it. Until you slipped up, and slipped up some more, and then the slipping up turned into something big, and the big thing turned into something unstoppable.
Your mom had been the only one to describe it right, she’d understood, and in a moment of rare clarity that tore through the molasses of her medication, she’d whispered it to you like this:
It comes in waves—until eventually the tide stops receding.
You’d arrived in Wabang with a duffle bag, wearing a rumpled sundress and hiking boots.
Jonah had picked you up from the bus station with an excited grin and a too-tight hug. Maya had made you chicken and waffles, like when you were kids.
Back then, she'd made it whenever Mom was at her worst, when she was passed out for days, barricaded in her room like a pharaoh in a tomb. Chicken and waffles usually meant things were shitty and couldn't get much shittier. It also meant you'd skip school and spend the day at the mall down Fifth, where the sun slanted through the glass dome in the food court, made it all hot and damp like a terrarium, and the two of you would pretend to be salamanders lazing on the bench by the churros stand, T-shirts covered in cinnamon and sugar and delight.
Wabang felt like those afternoons in the mall. Wabang was supposed to be the place where you got better.
You stuck to your routine, you made your bed, you ate enough and drank enough, you slept and woke on time, you went to work, you stuck to beers and cigarettes, you read and wrote and you fed the chickens in the garden, you always came back home.
One afternoon, sitting on the porch staring out at the endless bowl of the valley, Maya handed you the keys to the bakery. “I want you to open up the shop. Four-thirty AM on the dot. You think you're up for it?”
“Are you kidding?”
Tomorrow was going to be a day so big, even Jonah was stopping by to help. They’d prepped the order for the wedding on Willow Ridge all week. Maya had even pulled an all-nighter the day before. It was a big deal, and she trusted you enough to be a part of that big deal.
Trusted you enough to be a part of this life that she'd built so far away from the mall down Fifth, from mom—from you.
Smiling carefully, you reached for the keys. Maya snagged them away, narrowing her eyes. “Don't eat all the frosting, you little shit.”
“Not making any promises.”
She tossed the keys and you caught them.
You felt like a saint anointed, like someone had tapped a sword to your shoulder, and you glowed with it, and your sister was so beautiful in the sun, and you’d said thank you, and you’d promised you’d do good.
You’d be good.
Maybe you deserved to celebrate being so good.
It was a Friday night after all, and you were bored and maybe a little sad, and maybe you were exhausted from following all these rules you were trying to build your life around. And so you rode the rusty bike Jonah had dug up from the bowels of their garage all the way to The Longhorn. And what started with a beer, ended with a bottle of whiskey and a joint on the back of someone’s pickup. Tame in comparison to what you'd once done on a Friday night, or on any night, really.
So it was fine, right? It was going to be fine.
There was a girl with a shiny blonde mane and pink-chrome nails, her deep, lovely croon when she called you “—so fucking pretty, baby girl.” You missed feeling like this. You missed saying yes and yes and yes, bursting from it, unstoppable. You might’ve kissed her, but you weren’t sure, you might’ve wanted to marry her, which sounded about right, and you wanted to tell her this, to confess it to her and hold her soft pink-chrome-tipped hands...
The next thing you knew, you woke up next to your bike in the flatbed of a pickup, in a driveway you didn’t recognize, in a part of town you weren’t familiar with.
Head pounding, throat sore. Five missed calls from your sister. It was Saturday. It was noon.
You were still drunk when you reached the green-and-pink awning of Sweet Pea’s, its buttery cream trim like frosting. Inside, the bakery was buzzing with a barrage of patrons on the sunniest Saturday Wabang had seen in weeks. At the counter, Maya didn’t speak to you. Instead she sent you straight to the back where you threw up once in the sink and once in front of the convection ovens.
“Give me the keys,” Maya ordered, and you patted yourself down, before you remembered you’d stuffed them into your boot. She told you to go home, that she didn’t want to see you today. Jonah promised that everything would be fine, that Maya just needed a minute. Get cleaned up, he’d said. It’s gonna be okay, he’d said. But he hadn't looked so sure.
You hadn’t been good.
You hadn't been good at all—
Head throbbing more than it had before, you dragged your shitty bike through town. You rode until the sparse sprinkling of houses turned into open fields, pastures flat and endless. You struggled down a lonely dirt road, sweat spilling down your back, your chest, your face, stinging your eyes, you were hot, you were so hot, and your arms shook from the rattling of the uneven ground.
The road stopped abruptly at a rusty fence. You dropped your bike and climbed through the wide gaps between the bars. Marching through the field that stretched on forever, an ocean’s worth of it, green, dry, pricking at your bare legs, the afternoon sun battered you like judgment. You kept wading forward until you couldn’t get yourself to, until unceremoniously, with the theatrics of a very hungover and very disgraced saint, you collapsed into the shade of a lonesome tree.
You were sure then that you’d reached the end of the world, that you were so far away from anything and anyone, and that here, like this, finally, no one would hear you.
When was the last time you cried?
Covered in sweat and dirt, possibly still drunk and possibly still high, key-less, wretched, useless, melodramatic, sobbing, gasping for breath.
It comes in waves—
“Look, I don’t mean to bother you, but this here’s private land.”
You’d heard it too late.
The horse, the gentle pelt of its hooves in the field. It’s puffs of breath. A man’s low murmured, easy, girl.
You refused to open your eyes, feeling like a child, as you flopped onto your side to turn away.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
“You doin’ alright?” His voice softer then.
“I’m fine,” you murmured into the grass. The buzz of a bug on your cheek. You slapped it away.
“Are you hurt?”
“No, just—” sunbathing? contemplating? “—having an existential crisis. I’m almost done.”
A sound like a huff or a scoff, a swallowed-down laugh maybe.
“Do you need me to call someone?”
“Just give me a second.” Pressing your hands to your face, you took long breaths, waiting for that big bawling bone-pelting agonizing throb of exhaustion to settle down. “Okay,” you finally said. “I’m finished.”
Turning towards him, there he sat, high upon his noble steed like a cowboy in a story. With his brows scrunched beneath his Stetson, he was a man fully unprepared to stumble upon some sobbing wildling on a Saturday morning.
You weren’t sure if he recognized you. You didn’t care. You’d lost your capacity for public shame a long time ago.
“Right. I’ll leave. Uh—sorry.” You got up, wobbling there like a newborn calf, shaking out the damp hem of your dress, before heading down the path you’d trampled into the grass.
“Wait,” he called out. “Do you want me to bring you back?”
The thought of getting on a horse made bile rise in your throat. You weren’t going to risk throwing up a third time.
“No, thank you,“ you shouted.
He followed you all the way back to the fence, the steady trot of his horse in the distance. You felt his stare across the field, hot and strange on the back of your neck as you peeled your bike off the road and headed home.
It was the fourth time you’d seen Rhett Abbott, and you’d prayed it was the last.
· · ❁ · ·
“Hey there, Shortcake.”
God didn’t like you very much apparently.
You swallowed, hunching lower behind the display case where you were restocking the cardamom cinnamon rolls.
Rhett was tall enough to lean over it. “You feelin' better?”
So he had recognized you.
Standing up straight, you cleared your throat. “All my demons have been temporarily exorcized, thank you.”
“Hm.” He huffed a laugh, that quick smile of his that made him all boyish. “Reckon I should try that sometime.”
“Well, I highly recommend hysterically crying on someone else’s property. It’s very cathartic—”
“That you, Rhett?” Maya shouted from the back.
“Yes, ma’am.” He straightened.
“Just gimme a sec, I’ll grab your mom’s order.”
You busied yourself with wiping down the countertop before your sister caught you fraternizing with the one person in Wabang that needed to be left un-fraternized with.
The two of you had only recently regained some common ground, and part of that truce was the unspoken rule that you please, please, please not obsess over the wrong people.
Rhett Abbott wasn't wrong per se; he just wasn't very right either.
Rhett’s shadow spread across the counter as he leaned over the display case again, close enough you caught the waft of his cologne, the unbearable blue of his gaze. You swallowed. His attention trailed down your throat. When he smiled again, it was soft, it stayed there for a while. His voice low then, “There’s a rodeo tonight. You should come. If none of us break any bones, we'll head to The Longhorn.”
You stared at the spot where the worn collar of his denim jacket pressed into his neck.
“I’ll think about it.” You said it to that spot.
“Good.” He said it to your mouth.
Good.
You’d found out long ago that there was one word that could make you do anything for anyone.
Just one word—and you were piled in the truck bed of Rhett’s Chevy Silverado, squeezed against the cab with some of his old friends from high school, your legs slung over the lap of a woman who’d known Rhett since kindergarten and who had the sweetest gap-toothed grin you’d ever seen in your life. You told her so, and the gap between her teeth seemed to grow with pride.
Driving down the winding roads of the valley, the cool air snapping your hair into your eyes, the hem of your dress fluttering, you tipped your head skyward. Before Wyoming, you’d never seen a sky so black. The nights here hit harder than anywhere else.
You cackled when Gaptooth helped you press the hem of your dress down before you flashed the whole truck, laughing harder when she offered a pull off her cherry-red vape. With the smoke citrusy and sweet in your mouth, you turned towards the driver’s seat, your cheek mashed against the flaking metal edge of the truck bed.
Rhett was driving. You watched his long tan arm lean out the window, fingers tinkering, playing with the wind. The soft swirl of hair. The faded bull skull tattoo on his forearm, flashing there in the beam of the headlights.
You wanted to reach out, mirror every turn of his wrist, trace the swell of a vein—
His arm went limp. You realized too late he was watching you in the side mirror.
That buzz in the back of your head, down your chest, places below.
You didn’t look away once.
· · ❁ · ·
At The Longhorn, everyone scattered, some fighting their way to the bar, others pulling each other to the crowded dancefloor.
“What’re you drinkin’, Shortcake?” The voice was too high to be Rhett’s. It was another rider from before. (Lloyd something-something; four point three seconds on a bull named Napoleon, which was fitting considering Lloyd was as tall as a water dispenser.)
“Uh.” You hastily checked the meager cash you’d stuffed into your boot. “Whatever five bucks will get me—”
“It’s on me.” The rough twang of that familiar voice as he leaned over you. You could still smell the dirt on him, the sweat. “Shortcake.” Rhett shot Lloyd a sharp smile, and you had to physically restrain yourself from rolling your eyes.
(You bought yourself your own cider with your own five bucks.)
The rest of the night went on easy. Crowd thick enough you kept drifting away from familiar faces, before meeting them again in the line to the bathroom. Hopping from table to table, clinking bottles and shuffling cards, until Gaptooth pulled you to the dancefloor, where girls in boots and baby-tees taught you how to line dance. “Shake those hips, San Diego!” And so you did, and life was at its sweetest, and you didn’t have to think about the last couple of days or the last couple of years or how Maya had stopped asking where you went at night. And you spun and spun, spun wildly, and thought only about a blue pair of eyes watching you beneath the wide brim of a Stetson.
Oh God, how you’d missed this feeling.
He found you much later; outside, at the back entrance, unlit cigarette between your lips, crouched on the ground with your back against the wall. You were in the process of yanking a boot off, tipping it upside down in the hopes it would produce your lighter. Had it fallen out on the dancefloor?
“Need a light?”
Rhett leaned one hand against the wall, presumably still a little lopsided from facing off a two-thousand-pound bull a couple of hours ago.
“One sec,” you said, yanking off your other boot, revealing a couple of coins and a tube of lipgloss. You looked up at him, his lighter already in hand. You smiled. “Yes, please.”
Rhett huffed a laugh. You wondered what his full laugh sounded like, big-bellied and unbridled. Did he tip his head back from so much delight?
Leaning against the wall with a stifled groan, Rhett carefully slid to the gravel, knees popping. He landed on the ground with a thud. “Shit. Ow.”
“Careful”
“Think that’s too late for me.”
“That bad?” you asked.
“Surprisingly less terrible than last time.”
“Who would’ve thought a bull named Bonecrusher would go easy on you?”
“If by easy, you mean he made me see God a couple of times, sure.”
You snorted, before popping your cigarette in your mouth and waiting patiently for him to light it for you. He huff-laughed at that too. Apparently he was easily amused.
His hand, big and dry as a baseball mitt, came up to shield the flame from the wind, and for a moment all you smelled was him. The earth, the acrid sweetness of sweat slicked across skin for too long. Like you’d been tucked into him, an animal in his burrow.
You couldn’t look at him like this. You hummed with this feeling. The brim of his hat bumping gently against your forehead. When the flame caught, you leaned away and took a long, long drag. “Thanks—” You cleared your throat. “Thank you.”
“Sure.”
The two of you sat there for a moment, drenched in the red halogen glow of a neon sign. You, crosslegged, playing with your necklace, pressing the pendant to your mouth; him, with one long leg stretched out, the other hiked up for his forearm to lean against, fiddling with his Zippo. You stared at a couple making out against a car. He stared at the men smoking by the bins.
You both spoke at once:
“Why do you—”
“Why were you—”
“Oh. Sorry.” You blinked.
Rhett pointed his Zippo at you. “By all means, ladies first.”
You snorted again, offering him your cigarette. He hesitated, like he hadn’t expected it, but you were still humming and the night was cool and life was still at its sweetest, and when he took a drag, stubbled jaw working, it felt like you could get away with more than you should.
“Why does everyone say you choose the rankest bulls on purpose?” you asked.
Rhett seemed to give it some serious thought, tugging his hat back to look at the sky. He handed you the cigarette. Then, “‘Cause I’m convinced I have something to prove. It’s either that or a real shit attempt at self-sabotage. Sometimes…it’s both.”
His honesty made something inside of you open.
”Why were you crying the other day?”
Taking a drag from the cigarette, you gave it some serious thought too. Then, “My sister’s giving me a second chance. I stopped getting those a long time ago, so I’m just trying really, really hard not to fuck it up. But I kind of suck at not fucking things up. I don’t know, it’s…” You took a breath, trailing off.
“Complicated?” he said.
“Excruciating.”
“Sounds about right." Rhett hummed in agreement, looking at you from the corner of his eye. “You’re in luck. You’re speaking to the Abbott Family Letdown. So.” He gave a silly flourish with his hand.
“Oh.” You sat up in mock-surprise. ”Why didn’t you say so? Always a pleasure to meet a fellow embarrassment.” You popped the cigarette back in your mouth and stretched your hand out. He shook it with a laugh. The squeeze of his thick fingers, warm and dry.
“We could start a support group,” he said.
Reaching your hands above your head, like you were hanging a banner: “The Disappointment Club,” you mumbled around the cigarette.
When Rhett Abbott laughed, really laughed, when he shook with it and his shoulders did a little shimmy, he did indeed tip his head back from so much delight.
You laughed with him. You wanted to press two fingers down the Adam’s Apple that bobbed up and down his throat. You were so close the brim of his hat bumped against your head again. You told him everything then, told him about the keys and the girl and the back of that pickup. “—and so Maya had to cancel multiple orders and pay it out of her own pocket. Plus, it was, like, the pastor’s daughter’s wedding. So I’m assuming God was cataclysmically displeased.”
“God’ll forgive you for a couple of fuckin’ muffins.”
“A couple of muffins? Those were toasted pear-and-almond tartlets with a frangipane center and a cardamom crumb topping.”
“Frangi-what-now?”
“Exactly.”
“Trust me, it ain’t that bad. One time I got so drunk in the barn I forgot to latch the gate, and we lost forty head in a night. Took me days to herd them all back together, and my dad didn’t let me into the house until they were all accounted for.”
“If we turn this into a competition, we’ll be sitting out here all night.”
He turned then. His slow crooked smile. “Sounds like a good time to me.”
You didn’t know how long you sat there, talking. Your cigarette stub forgotten on the cool asphalt. The parking lot was empty now. Even the neon sign seemed to have dimmed.
Whatever had unsettled between you two, unsettled itself so completely you fell wide open. He could’ve reached right inside, he could’ve thrown something in—
Was it so wrong to look at him like this and hope, with a desperation that might’ve killed you, that he wouldn’t look away?
· · ❁ · ·
Friendship.
Could you call it that?
It felt a lot sharper, had more blowback.
Rhett liked to describe it as your little two-man support group. “Hottest club in town,” he’d say. Which wasn’t particularly funny, but it was stupid enough it made you snort every time.
Time was no longer governed by phases—no more mornings, noons or nights, no more suns or moons—instead, you found yourself adhering to Rhett Abbott’s reliable rhythms.
Your days started when the tiny bell above the shop door rang, and the brim of a worn Stetson swung up to reveal that surprisingly tender face. Maya had her suspicions about Rhett stopping by the bakery almost every day like clockwork: “There’s only so many errands he can run…and do you really think Cecilia Abbott eats that many toffee-nut buttermilk muffins? Woman must be enormous by now—”
You felt like a puppy, Pavloved, scrambling to the counter every time the shop bell trilled in the quiet. On the days he didn’t come in early, you usually met him on your lunch break. You were notoriously terrible at making sure you ate properly, and so he’d bring you a sandwich, or take-out, and you’d eat on the back of his Chevy in the parking lot, legs dangling from the truck bed, kicking up every time he made you laugh. Rhett made you laugh the way you’d forgotten to, that startled smack of a cackle, like you still couldn’t believe that there was someone who made you topple over from so much fucking glee.
Your favorite days were the ones he was off work early, and he’d come pick you up, toss your bike onto the truck bed—“Get in, Shortcake, we’re going on a trip!”—and he’d take you to the lakes or a town one valley over or the mountains, show you Wabang, show you Wyoming. He showed you the delicate difference between yarrow and hemlock when you trekked through the forests.
“Wow, dude, real Bear Grylls energy,” you’d said the first time he’d started a fire on a bed of pine needles.
“That’s the most California thing I think you’ve ever said.”
“Wait until I start talking about the way they stack vegetables at Erewhon.”
He grunted a laugh.
“Do you miss it?”
“The vegetables at Erewohn?”
“Home.”
It took you a moment.
The thought of your sister’s and Jonah’s sweet storybook house, with their porch covered in sun catchers shaped like honeycomb, their little brood of chickens in the garden, how the thought of it all moved through you on reflex. But Rhett hadn’t meant that house or those people or this place.
“I don't know, sometimes.”
Sometimes being here makes me forget to miss anything at all.
You forgot to miss the most at night, when your days came to an end at the rodeo or The Longhorn. When Rhett sloppily swung you across the dancefloor, the smell of beer and sawdust and the distinct spice of his cologne. Rhett was fierce, he was momentum, he was unstoppable force in a place full of immovable objects. You wanted to hurtle away with him, wrap yourself around his body, thigh to thigh, chest to chest, chin to chin—take me places.
Did he know he did this to you?
Did he know how easy you were?
That when you chose someone like this, you fell into them, and everything and everyone else fell away?
You didn’t pay attention to Lloyd’s weird come-ons, didn’t care about the girls that crushed around Rhett after he tumbled off another bull, or the way he always seemed to sidle up to you whenever anyone tried to buy you a drink.
You were singular, soaking up his closeness until you felt thick and stupid with it, and all you could do was let him turn you on the dancefloor like a drunken spinning top, his gravelly laughter shaking uncontrollably in your ear. Those lean arms looped around your waist, and your hands slid up the skin of his neck, slick with sweat, to cradle his face.
How those eyes crinkled when he grinned, and how easy it was then to imagine him as a child. The defiant thing with bloodied knees getting into trouble at the edge of town. The Abbott Family Letdown, you thought with so much fondness you could’ve kissed his cheek.
Nights always ended like this: The two of you fused to each other, dancing, or squeezed into a booth, or smoking out in the lot, talking and talking about everything and anything, about the places you wanted to see, and the things you wanted to do, and the people you wanted be. The choices you wanted to make and the ones you really, really wished you could remake.
Sometimes you didn’t speak at all, and you just sat there and stared at each other, as if to say: Out of all the places in the world, this is where I find you.
· · ❁ · ·
You loved the rainy season, loved those humid afternoons you’d sit on the back deck at Rhett’s place.
He’d fixed up the Abbott's old bunkhouse with Perry, a small cabin at the edge of the forest where ranch hands used to stay back in the day. The two of them had worked on it for a year, and you knew Rhett felt a sense of pride whenever he talked about it, running his hands along the smooth timber walls with a kind of care that felt personal. He and Perry had carved their names like kids into the bottom of the front door, and Rhett knocked the tip of his boot against it every time he left the cabin. “For luck,” he’d told you once, and he’d looked a little sad.
His was a place of wide gridded windows and Navajo rugs. It was surprisingly sentimental, filled with keepsakes and old furniture from his parents or his grandparents, the kind of place that looked like it had been here from the start, as enduring as the soft in-line of a favorite coat.
You liked the traces of him here, the mundanity of them; aftershave and painkillers in the medicine cabinet, forgotten mugs of coffee left on window sills and counter tops, his belts, his toppled boots by the door, his packet of Camels by the sink, his dad’s old CD collection—The Black Crows, ZZ Top, Stevie Ray Vaughan—a small army of Amy’s arts-and-crafts projects sprinkled atop shelves, family photos tacked to the refrigerator.
Out on the back deck, your eyes trailed over the rocks set in a neat row on the railing. You sat in a wicker chair, listening to the rain pattering against the tin roof, the cradle of pine all around.
You’d had a long day at the bakery, and Rhett had had an even longer day herding cattle out of the west pasture, which had started to flood from all the rain.
He sat on the deck with his legs stretched out and his back against the railing. In a T-shirt and jeans, head knocked back, his baseball cap pulled low.
He’d closed his eyes a long time ago. Had he fallen asleep?
“Stop starin’,” Rhett mumbled, eyes still closed.
You snorted, caught. Ears going hot, you dug your cheek into the weave of the wicker, clenching your eyes closed like a child when he opened his. Your tell-tale grin. His low chuckle.
You felt young with him sometimes. Like you didn’t have to pretend the way you did with Maya, constantly trying to prove that you weren’t the useless little sister floundering through life.
It was easy with Rhett, you could be honest. And you had all these big feelings and these even bigger wants, and they were shameful, complicated, and they ached, and you knew this need all too well, had felt it with every crush you’d ever had, never knew what to call it or how to say it, or how to have it be done to you. You didn’t just like people; you disappeared into them.
And with Rhett…
You wanted to crawl after him on your hands and knees, feel his big, big hand grab you by the hair, pulling and pulling, your teeth sinking into the worn leather of his belt.
Open up, Shortcake.
You swallowed. You pulled your knees to your chest. You wanted to close yourself like a box.
“You want the talking stick?” Rhett asked with one of his huff-laughs.
The talking stick was silly.
You didn’t know when it had started; something to do with support groups and their strange rituals, and you’d said it as a joke once at the bar when Rhett had looked like he wanted to say something but was holding back. You’d handed him your soggy coaster and said, You want the talking stick? And he’d taken it with a smile loosened by relief.
You shook your head. “No, thank you.”
“You sure?”
“Super.”
“Because if you ain’t taking it, I will—”
“Oh god, if you’re going to start talking about that bull rope paste again, I’ll suffocate myself in the mud.”
“First of all, it’s called rosin. Second of all, ouch.” He looked genuinely offended. “And you better make your mind up quick, ‘cause I’m gonna start listing my favorite ones. Also, did you know you have to heat it just right? Otherwise it’s like pulling taffy—”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had the kind of sex I really want to have,” you finally said. Blurted, really.
You thought of what your sister had called you once: a human hand grenade.
The distinct click of Rhett snapping his mouth shut, teeth on teeth. The rain pattered on—and you knew you had to as well, you had to get it out quick before you stuffed it all back down.
“And I’m scared I’ll never have it because I’m too chickenshit to tell people about the kind of sex I want to have, and, it’s nothing crazy, it just—it’s…a feeling? And like, some people just aren’t into it, but I haven’t slept with enough people to really know if that’s true or if I’ve never bothered to get close enough to someone to actually tell them or to know if that really is the kind of sex that I actually want, because I’ve never had it, I just know that I want it, and what if I tell the next person that’s the kind of sex I want and then I don’t like it at all…what then?”
You’d closed your eyes again, vibrating, the blackness vibrating with you.
“What kind of sex do you wanna have?” Rhett’s voice was so low you barely heard him.
Breath catching. You opened your eyes. You stared at his hands.
You pantomimed tossing the stick over your shoulder. “Lost it,” you mumbled.
I'm sorry, you wanted to say but you couldn't get yourself to.
Even though you weren’t looking at him, you knew Rhett was thinking, trying to figure out if he could push you or if he wanted to wait it out, if he should pave it over with conversation, or if he should stand up to grab a beer. Because in the end, you were friends. And you did know him, and he did know you.
Rhett settled for something that broke your heart a little. “You know, you can talk to me. Right? About anything.”
You swallowed, nodded.
“Want a beer?” The soft familiar crack of his knees as he stood.
You were too scared of the things you’d say if you had one. Shaking your head, you said, “Water, please.”
· · ❁ · ·
Something shifted after that. It felt tectonic, structural. There was this muscle inside of you strung so tight. It waited. Agonized for relief, for a thumb to rub along its tendons and help it unravel itself.
It was different that morning, and you were curled in the tub, shower head pressed close—down there, right there—and you needed so much, and his name spiraled through you endlessly, oh god-oh god, eyes squeezed shut tight enough the whole world cracked open. You came so hard you felt helpless in it, loosened from yourself, your mouth finding your forearm, your teeth finding your skin—
You’d bitten down hard enough Rhett traced a finger over the swell when you met him later that day. “What happened?” His voice too low. Unfamiliar.
“Hurt myself at the bakery,” you lied.
He huffed. No laugh. He didn’t believe you.
Whatever had started to shift, didn’t stop its shifting. It infiltrated your conversations, or rather lack thereof, until both of you felt like you were fumbling through something that used to be easy.
Rhett stopped coming into the bakery, rather opting to drive you home whenever you had to close up shop on your own, even if it meant he had to leave the ranch early to drive all the way to town and back. There was an energy around him, especially at the bar when he was a couple of drinks in.
You were used to Rhett Abbott quietly watching over people, making sure no rowdy tourists messed with the regulars, or that the Tillerson boys left Perry alone on the rare occasion that he did join you two at the bar, or looming over you whenever some guy slid up to ask for your number, his blunt: Can I help you, man?
There was something about him, like maybe there was a muscle inside of him too, strung too tight for too long, waiting...
The first time Rhett got into a fight in front of you, something incomprehensible roiled in your stomach.
It had started innocently enough. You knew Lloyd liked calling you Shortcake, and you’d never paid it any mind; he was a touchy drunk the girls tolerated, each meeting his relatively tame come-ons with an eye-roll and a middle finger. But he’d had too much to drink that night, and his hands had sloppily snaked their way around your waist to pull you to the dancefloor. “—no, seriously, I’m good, Lloyd. Like, I’m running for evil mayor of that town in Footloose. I’m done—”
“Come on, Shortcake, for me?”
“I said I’m fucking good, Lloyd.” His arms tightened around you, breath bloated with liquors unknown. “You can let go now.”
You saw Rhett too late, shoving his way through the crowd. You lifted your hands like you were trying to reprimand an incoming cyclone, “Rhett, don’t—”
Leaning in close to slur something in your ear, Lloyd was oblivious to the fact that Rhett's shoulder was about to collide with the back of his head.
What proceeded was a burst of juvenile male posturing that consisted mostly of huffing and shoving, like two big pigeons clucking at each other over soggy bread on the sidewalk. But when Lloyd whacked Rhett’s hat off with an accidental swing, the next thing you knew, a fist met a cheek, and a knee met a groin—and you cursed God for ever making you this hopelessly attracted to dick.
· · ❁ · ·
“Please don’t do that again,” you told Rhett much later, sitting next to him on his couch, pressing a bag of frozen peas to his head. “Not for me, okay?”
Rhett sat slouched beside you, the big bend of his back, as he stared at the scuffed knuckles of his right hand.
“I’m a big girl. I can deal with Lloyd, for Christ’s sake. He’s, like, three feet. He’s a human step stool.”
“He was touching you—”
“People touch me all the time.”
“Not like that. I didn’t…I don’t want anyone else to fucking touch you like that.”
You tossed the peas into his lap.
He looked at you then, face hazy in the dim lights of his living room.
Anyone else…
It echoed in your body, over and over, traveled all the way through you.
“Pretty sure that’s up to me,” you said.
With a sigh, he pressed the bag of peas to his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m—sorry. Okay? Sorry. I didn’t realize I was doing it until…Yeah.” He took a breath. “I’m a shitty drunk.”
“That makes two of us.” Shifting, you grabbed his arm to help him up, catching him when he swayed with a groan. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed, Bazooka Man.”
Rhett let you guide him to the bedroom, the same way he’d let you drive him home in his truck. It did things to you, knowing you could wrangle this big cowboy down the hallway and into his bed, without him putting up a fight.
You liked when he listened to you—and you knew full well there weren’t many people he listened to in the first place.
“Gotta admit, I got him good though,” Rhett murmured when he stumbled into bed, that stupid little grin of his, the one that made his canines flash.
You snatched the peas to smack him with it. “Stop,” you warned. “You kneed him in the ballsack, you trigger-happy fuck. Are you proud of yourself?”
“I hope his sperm count plummets.”
You couldn’t help your laugh, and he couldn’t help his.
This, you could handle. This was the Rhett with the crooked smile and the lopsided gait, his intense boyishness that made you wonder about how he got each scar on his body.
With this Rhett, things were easy, almost routine, and you felt lulled into the practiced rhythm of it, unthinking; helping him unbutton his shirt, before yanking off his boots, his jeans, the way you had countless of times after he’d been bucked off a bull hard enough he’d returned to the cabin in a tourniquet and his head foggy with medication.
On the first night you’d driven him home from the hospital, he’d told you that he didn’t like letting anyone help him like this, and you’d reached over the stick shift to wipe the hair from his forehead, and something about the way he'd leaned into it had made you so unbearably sad.
You didn’t know when you snapped out of it, crouched before him, about to grab his boots to bring them to the door—when you finally looked up.
His silhouette was black against the glow of the bedside lamp, eclipsed by it, he loomed above you in shadow. Your chest cramped up with a feeling you’d tried so hard to push away.
In your head, you were careless.
In your head, you let his boots fall to the hardwood floor. You crawled to him on hands and knees, and you nuzzled his bare knee, the soft hairs there, the lean muscle of his thigh, ran your nose to the spot where the checkered cotton of his boxers bunched just so. I need. I need and need and need—
“You can’t do that to me, Shortcake.” Rhett’s voice rumbled in the quiet.
“Do what?”
“Look at me like that.” His voice felt like a finger below your chin, tapping it up.
“Like what?” All breath.
Rhett didn’t answer. His head tipped to the side. You imagined yourself from where he sat, imagined his shadow was big enough it swallowed you whole.
This was a Rhett you didn’t know.
The bed creaked as he leaned forward. You didn’t breathe, didn’t move a muscle, when his fingers ghosted along the edge of your jaw. Your breath hiccuped when you felt a gentle tug on the corner of your mouth, and you realized he’d loosened a single strand of hair from your lips. The heat humming there, humming through you.
“Are you ever going to tell me?” he said.
Your confusion must’ve been obvious, because he spoke again: “Are you ever going to tell me what you want?”
What I want?
It was such a simple answer.
It shamed you how simple it was.
In the dim light, you stared at the vein roped along his forearm. You wanted to trace it with your tongue, with soft grazing teeth, wanted to lap up the salt and tang of his skin, gather it all in your mouth, take the sweetest littlest bites.
You wanted to lean all the way in, kiss the inside of his palm, that starburst scar from when his glove had once ripped during a bull ride. You imagined then, taking the thick pad of his thumb into your mouth, letting it press into your tongue until you bit down, until it reached all the way in. Until you writhed from it.
With a frustrated huff, you tipped forward. Your forehead bumped against his knee.
You didn’t know what to do with yourself anymore.
You could’ve wept when you felt strong fingers carefully run down the curve of your skull. The cuff of nails scraping along your skin. The sound it made.
He held you like this: your head cradled in his big, big hand.
You knew Rhett understood something about you in that moment.
You felt young, skinless, unsure in your body. None of you felt grown. You were all baby teeth. You were a tiny stack of bones that shook.
“You’re okay, darlin’,” Rhett said it with so much tenderness you made a shameful sound low in your throat, and your nose pressed into the scar that ran up the center of his knee.
What you would’ve done to kiss it then, just once, to lave it in spit, with your eyes screwed shut and a hand between your legs, there, down there—
· · ❁ · ·
Your biggest secret was this: You’d let anything be done to you if it was just done sweetly enough.
Your relationship with intimacy had always been complicated.
You knew what you looked like to men; you were the young desperate thing to be flung face-down and taken, filthy little whore, you asked for it, you want it like this, right? You want it like this—
The few times you’d had sex, that assumption had left you shaking in the bathroom after, still drunk or high or both, wiping cum off your face or scraping it out of yourself, rubbing the tacky film of it between your fingers until it got grainy.
The shame of it all, the shame of your body glaring back at you in the mirror like a creature unknown. Because you had wanted it like that, but not really, and you hadn’t known how to say it right, or maybe they hadn’t listened, and you hadn’t blamed them for it, except you had. Most of the time you blamed yourself, an archaic miserable reflex that seemed to define every aspect of you being a fucking woman.
When you thought about what you wanted, sometimes all you were left with was a feeling.
You thought of big sure hands helping you out of your shoes, unlacing one, then the other. You thought of your hair being washed and your mouth being fed and your cheeks being kissed, one at a time.
It was so embarrassingly sexless.
All you wanted was to know with a kind of relief that you could let go now, that it was going to be okay, and that for a blissful fucking moment, you didn’t have to be yourself anymore.
You could just want.
You could be all of your wanting at once and nothing more.
· · ❁ · ·
“Mornin’.”
You didn’t open your eyes.
A low chuckle from above. “I know you ain’t asleep.”
With a tired groan, you cracked one eye open, then the other. Rhett had changed into a T-shirt and sweats. He’d showered, hair still damp and curling at his neck.
He was staring. You knew why. Your dress lay puddled on his living room floor.
Still hazy from sleep, was it so terrible to let yourself be looked at like this? The worn cotton T-shirt you’d snatched from Rhett’s drawer riding up your stomach as you stretched.
You caught the bob in his slender throat. He was pretty like this, you thought. A patch of sunlight spilled across the side of his face, eyes a tremendous shock of blue. He smelled like his deodorant, his aftershave. His hand so close to your face all you’d have to do was open your mouth.
“You feeling better?” you said, voice frayed with leftover sleep.
A night on Rhett’s couch always left you a little discombobulated. It was deep and wide, all buttery brown leather, the kind you sunk into as if lazing in a palm.
Your gaze climbed from his hand up to his bare arm, from his throat to his freshly shaven jaw. You were so tired you couldn’t hide from him.
You fell all the way open.
His hand twitched like maybe he’d reach out.
But you two were good at this game. Especially sober, in the daylight.
Rhett cleared his throat. “Making breakfast. You hungry?” His attention wavered on your mouth.
You swallowed. He tracked it.
“Starvin’,” you drawled in some faux-impression of him, in the hopes it was silly enough to lighten the mood.
He chuckled. “Starvin’, huh? Okay, cowboy.” He grabbed a pillow and whacked your thigh, “Giddy-up,” before heading to the kitchen, limping slightly.
Had he not taken his painkillers?
“How do scrambled eggs and pancakes sound?” he tossed over his shoulder.
“Uh—Heavenly?”
“Okay, calm down, they’re more for me than for you.”
“Liar. If I weren’t here, you’d have a cigarette and a Bud Light.”
“If I didn’t make sure you ate properly, you’d be having orange juice Captain Crunch three times a day.”
“It’s delicious?”
“It’s deranged, is what it is.”
You laughed, more out of relief than anything else. This was normal. You could deal with normal.
Not bothering with putting on your dress, you dragged yourself to the kitchen in nothing but his T-shirt and your underwear. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight—you’d weathered the occasional hangover on his couch wearing less—but something about this felt different. There was too much inside of you, and after last night, you didn’t know how to look at him without thinking about the way he’d called you darlin'.
You managed to sit through a painfully normal breakfast—radio on, mundane small talk—and even though it wasn’t Captain Crunch with orange juice, it would do (a mumbled statement that earned you a balled-up paper towel to the head).
You helped clear the table after, before heading out to brush your teeth. When you returned the radio was off, and Rhett was stooped over the sudsy sink, placing a plate onto the drying rack. You hoisted yourself onto the kitchen table and watched as he washed his hands, slowly, methodically, staring out the window like he was thinking.
“You want the talking stick?” you said.
Rhett huffed a laugh, bracing his hands on the edge of the sink, looking down, looking up. His wide back expanded as he took a breath. You almost expected him to shake his head when he finally spoke: “Who bit your arm?”
You blinked. “What?”
“I know what a bite mark looks like.” Of course Rhett Abbott would know what a bite mark looked like. It almost made you laugh, the ridiculousness of it. “Are you getting into fights I don’t know about? Or is Maya—”
“Oh God,” you pitched forward, “no, of course not! Biting’s not her style. She prefers dish towels.” You were joking but Rhett wasn’t laughing.
This whole moment felt unreal. You hadn't thought about it in days. The bruise was already healing anyway, yellow and mottled and absolutely not worth being contemplated on.
You raked through yourself for another answer, something stupid enough, something unbelievable: Tres, the three-legged goat? The wonky convection oven at the bakery? A rabid child on the street—
“Are you ever going to tell me?” Rhett gripped into the sink so hard his hands paled from the pressure.
The question surprised you.
You remembered how he’d asked you that the night before.
It made the same frustrating weight sink onto your chest. You squeezed your eyes shut and opened them again, vision splotchy. Staring at the tender swirls of hair gathered at the nape of Rhett’s neck, you took a breath and you said, “It was me.”
You watched as the color blotted back into his hands.
“I was in the shower,” you said. Then, “I was...thinking of you.”
Remembering then how his finger had traced along the tender swell of the bruise just hours later, in the bar, in the red lights, and how you’d secretly hoped he’d press down to make it ache, make you remember how much you’d wanted him, in that moment, in the bathtub surrounded by the splotchy shower curtain, the tiles painted in dried suds, like Venus in her shell, shaking open, shaking apart.
I was thinking of you.
You closed your eyes when Rhett finally turned. Sitting on the kitchen table, legs dangling over the edge, you kept yourself still. You listened to his breath ragged and strange in the quiet. A warble of birds outside. The creak of the floorboards as he came to you.
His closeness was a cloud bank rolling in, suddenly all around, the smell of him, coffee and deodorant and soap. Your face lifted on instinct. Eyes still closed, you basked in the heat of his breath pouring across your forehead, your cheeks.
I was thinking of you.
All of you sighed open.
And you waited for him in that blackness, until you felt the distinct prickle of skin on skin, a knuckle maybe, a single finger running down the inside of your forearm, down, down, before it reached that tender spot.
He pressed.
Your eyes snapped open. Sunlight turned that blue stare into something startling, electric.
As if moving through a trance, your hand settled atop his still on your arm, finding his thumb and digging it into the bruise even harder. That dull ache turned sharp, shot right through you.
Eyes twitching, mouth opening. The sound you made.
Rhett looked at you like he’d never seen you before.
Letting go of his hand, you reached for him, digging your fingers into the hair bunched at the nape of his neck, and you pulled him close, pulled him all the way down. Your forehead rolled against his, your nose mashing into his skin, mouth open, waiting, wanting so fucking much. Pleasepleasepleaseplease—
Rhett stopped you with a thumb on your bottom lip. You couldn’t even feel ashamed for spewing out the most pathetic huff. Filthy little whore. Your jaw loosening, tongue darting out to taste him, to dig your teeth into him just a little.
But Rhett slid his thumb away, pressed it like a gentle warning into your cheek.
“Do you want this?” His voice cracked right in the middle.
You nodded, nose bumping against his a little too hard.
“Speak up for me—”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he said, he smiled small. You wanted to bite at it, make it bigger. “You say the word and we stop, okay?”
You nodded. He waited.
"Okay," you said.
“We’ll go slow. Yeah?”
You nodded again, numbed to everything except for him. “Yes, please.”
Rhett groaned, leaning into you so completely your mouths almost collided. “God, you kill me with all your please-and-thank-yous. You’re so good. You wanna be good for me?” He said it like he was testing something. And your chin nudged forward, body bending towards him, and whatever he was looking for, he found it in the way your legs fell open all the way.
Gripping into the back of your knees, he dragged you closer, his thighs sliding between yours, and you sputtered a breath when you felt the hot press of him against all of you.
“Yes,” you breathed.
“You are, darlin’. "
Darlin'
"Fuck, you are. You don’t even know how damn good you are.” His hands sliding back up your side, your throat, gripping your jaw to tip your face towards him. Your fingers fumbling to hook into his forearms. You felt as though all you were doing was holding on.
Letting him lead. Letting him keep you like this.
He made you wait. Ran the tip of his nose almost soothingly along the bridge of yours. Lips taunting, that terrible shudder of closeness that escaped you every time your mouth tried desperately to meet his.
You thought of the way he ran his hand along the flank of his horse, patted her once, twice. Easy, girl—
Maybe you hated him for it. How much he undid you. How he had you sitting there, soaking in it, vibrating inside all of your unbearable catastrophic fucking need like he had you leashed.
“Please,” you finally mouthed into the heat of his breath. And his eyes flashed. And when you were ready to plead just one more time, without an ounce of shame left, his mouth collapsed against yours.
It surged through you like a spinal tap.
Drawing out, deeper, digging all the way in, tongue and teeth, the smooth jut of his chin.
Your hands were everywhere, unsure of what they wanted to grab hold of first, like a woman drowning; in his hair, on his jaw, scraping down his wide shoulders, sliding up the heat of his neck—Here and here and here, let me touch you right here.
Rhett’s hands stayed bolted to your jaw. You felt like he was the only thing keeping you upright, like you’d unspool if he ever let you go.
You were a wanton thing, wincing into his open mouth. A constant drool of need. And you were hot. God, you were so hot. You couldn’t breathe with how hot you were. Yanking at your shirt, you just wanted it off, off. Rhett nipped at your bottom lip once, and then he was smiling. Was he laughing? Like he was catching on, like he took such pity on you. Your teeth clacked against his. You couldn't keep your shit together. You couldn't think, you couldn't think...
“I want—” You tugged at the shirt until his hands joined yours. “I want all of it off.” You sounded drunk, like you were listening to yourself from one room over.
“Okay. Okay, darlin’, I got you.” And he did. He helped you peel the shirt off, but it snagged on your elbow, and your face was stuck against threadbare cotton, and you laughed, because what the fuck? Here you were, going crazy on Rhett Abbott’s kitchen table.
You were still laughing when the shirt finally came off, laughing harder when Rhett tossed it over his shoulder and it landed on the coffee maker.
He was smiling above you, the morning light painting him soft and perfect as he combed the hair out of your eyes.
You wanted to run your fingers over his face, read him like braille.
It was a foreign realization that, now, here, you could. You could do so much. You could have all the things that had piled inside of you, one on top of the other. All of your fucking wanting, it felt bigger than your body. You were so full. And it was just the two of you, and this was Rhett, and it was all going to be okay, it was okay to let go of him and to lean back, push the leftover coffee mugs to the edge of the table, to let Rhett huff a strangled laugh when one of them thunked to the floor, like he couldn’t believe that he was here like this, with you.
“Fuckin’ hell,” he muttered, staring down at you
A hand traced where your body met the table, like he was cutting along the shape of you, skin sliding against yours as he traveled up and up, past each dip of your ribs, your arms, shoulders, up the hollow of your throat to your collarbone, to that dip right in-between, where the pendant of your necklace rested.
He pushed it in just a bit, and the pressure made you arch, made you mad with it. “Fuck, look at you, baby."
Baby.
You were baby.
“No one’s ever taken care of you, huh? You poor thing.” His lilting condescension left you gaping. “Remember what you told me? You’ll tell me what you want. You’ll tell me, yeah? How do you want it, baby? I’ll take such good fucking care of you.”
He leaned over you, ghosting his mouth over your jaw, kissing you there, so unhurried. “Where do you want me?”
Everywhere.
You swallowed, shaking your head, eyes screwed shut.
Fucking everywhere, all at once, all the time.
You make me want so much it pushes out everything else.
He chuckled into your neck. “Gotta tell me, baby.” Sucked at your skin with tongue and teeth. His T-shirt hung low enough it grazed over your nipples. You arched into him.
He hummed. “Here?” His thumb tenderly traveled up the swell of your breast and tapped against your nipple. Breath hitching, you shook your head.
“What about here?” His mouth pressed a wet kiss to your clavicle. No. Going lower, kissing a path to your other breast, breath gathering over it. You closed your eyes when he looked at you.
“And here?” His tongue like a small flame over your nipple, laving at it so softly, round and round, the wet sweep making you dizzy. Losing yourself in it. Chest bowing up into his mouth, arching so high it hurt.
He bit down once. You whined. Shook your head again, not there.
On and on it went:
Here? Mouth on your sternum. And what about here? Hands grabbing your waist. A soft scatter of kisses around your belly button. Biting into the soft flesh of your tummy until it kicked a laugh out of you. No, stop, stop. Okay, okay. Here? He fed your fingers into his mouth, the warm glide of his tongue, snag of teeth when they caught on your knuckles. And here? Baby, what about here? Spit on his chin as bent down to lave at each hipbone—No, no, no.
Here? Traveling lower and lower to kiss the top of a thigh, then inside of it with a drag of his tongue.
Your body hiccuped once and hard with need.
Rhett moved around you with the same intensity he had waiting in the chute at the rodeo, holding something back, containing it. You wanted to slam it open, wanted him thrashing and sweating and tossed around, you wanted and you wanted, you wanted so much.
Maybe he took mercy on you, or maybe he’d run out of patience, when he finally—finally—parted your legs. That pained sound of his. That sweet little oh. “Fuck. You’re so wet. You need it that bad, hm?"
You were nodding again. "Yes—" Could he tell how hard you were nodding?
You heard the distinct drag of a chair on the hardwood floor, and you could’ve laughed at the ridiculousness of seeing him sitting at the kitchen table, the very one you’d just had breakfast at, now covered in the sprawl of your naked body, soaked and aching, your thighs parted for him, right foot resting on the back of the chair.
Rhett must’ve caught on because he laughed, tipping his head against your leg, kissing your calf. You hissed when he nipped at you there. “God, I could—” Groaning into your skin. “I could take a fucking bite out of you it's not even funny. Jesus.”
With his arms hooked around your legs, his kisses traveled up the inside of your thigh. You watched, open-mouthed, slack-jawed, as his dark swirl of hair traveled between your legs.
You’d fucked yourself to the thought of this.
“You want it here, baby?” He nosed at the elastic of your underwear, warm breath pouring over you.
You nodded so hard your head knocked against the table. You were swimming in it. The whole world swimming with you. “Yes, please…”
His murmured curse.
Your desperate whine.
Before finally, a kiss to your cotton-covered clit.
It made your whole body still.
“How you do you want it?” he mumbled it against you. Right there. Down there.
You knew he wasn't expecting you to answer, but your needing felt vicious like this, burned in the back of your throat, and you thought:
Messy.
And with a shame that bloomed hot and red across your chest, you realized you'd pleaded for it out loud, voice like a frayed rope one pull away from snapping.
Rhett's lashes were long and dark as he looked up at you. He huffed a laugh.
Something about it sounded very, very mean.
He gave your clit another quick kiss. And then another and another, longer this time, until his mouth opened, tongue flattening against the center of you. You felt him gather spit, felt the hot gush of it. How he grabbed the elastic of your underwear to stretch it across you so tight it made your clit thrum, holding you there, strumming his thumb up and down, playing with it. “Look at this.” Before giving you a quick pat, once, twice—the peeling wetness of it in the quiet. “Fuck, baby—”
Before you had time to gather enough breath, Rhett buried his face into you, mouth mashing against you there, right there. Taking big bites. Spit and tongue and heat that drooled right through you. He groaned, pressing in deeper, the wide pad of his tongue nudging your clit, over and over, working you like this, until you were soaked enough a string of wetness followed when Rhett finally pulled off your underwear.
He flung it across the kitchen, uncaring, and you heard it land somewhere on the floor with a slop.
You were completely naked then, and he stared down at you like he wanted to be everywhere but he knew he had to make a choice.
It made your brain light up. It made you writhe when his palm pressed a smooth circle over your aching core, before cupping it once and hard, holding you like this, holding all of you at once. “You’re so perfect, baby. Look at you being so perfect for me.” His endless reserve of nonsensical drivel, slow and honeyed and drawling, like he was pouring it into you.
You wanted more, you waited for it, legs opening wider, wider.
A breath, then—he spit on your hole.
It felt fucking preposterous.
And then his mouth was on you again. Without that barrier of cotton from before, everything was raw, wetness wetter, pressure harder. His tongue, spongy and hot against you, teeth scraping across your clit. Pulling in a deep mouthful. You felt it everywhere when he moaned. His head shaking once like something gone rabid.
One of his hands dug into your stomach, the other crept up the front of your throat, digging for entrance when it reached your mouth. You let him in, his thick fingers pressing into your tongue.
“Spit.” He said it right against your clit, before sucking.
You’d caught the undertone: You want messy? I’ll give you fucking messy—
You grabbed his wrist, laved at his fingers, until you felt a dribble down your chin, and before you could get lost in the pressure of something thick and foreign in your mouth, he pulled his hand back, smearing the mess over your aching hole. Thumb flicking fast—before stopping. You punched out a pitiful cry.
“You want my fingers, hm? You think this sweet pussy wants my fingers?”
You knocked your head into the table so hard your ears rung, yesyesyesyesyes. Nodding and nodding and nodding and nodding.
You were so open and so wet, he easily breached you.
Full of him. You were full with him.
His fingers curled against that spongy rippling spot inside of you, that spot that gave way completely. He pressed down on your stomach, hard, and you keened, elbows digging into the table, your hands hovering, twitching in the air.
Rhett was strong enough to keep you from moving too much. You blamed all those damn bulls. His body moved on instinct, meeting each buck and squirm of you. He’d told you once that it was never about anticipating the next move, it was about response, action-reaction, it was all reflex when he was on that saddle.
You couldn’t keep still, hips jerking, lurching wildly beneath him. You were everywhere. You were fucking dynamite. But he pressed you down, fingers working inside of you with that steady unbreakable rhythm. His tongue on your clit. The filthy sounds of it dripping into the kitchen, all the lapping, the squelch of his fingers, your wet keening sobs. You let him fuck you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you like this. Your hands finally tearing in his hair. Feet fumbling to find the back of the chair for leverage, trying to ride his face, his fingers.
Don’t stop, you thought so hard it charged through you like voltage. Please, “Don’t stop—”
His hand on your stomach splayed wider, pressed down, gripping into you—and you realized he’d felt your body tense up faster than you had.
Something about Rhett feeling you were about to come made your vision blurry. His body meeting yours at every turn.
You said his name then. He groaned something into you, but you couldn’t hear it over the pulsing in your ears. Chest arching, legs buckling around his head.
You came in complete and utter silence.
Eyes screwed shut, dropping into blackness.
You thought you might've reached the bottom of something.
It was so perfect you wanted to cry.
The slow drag of his tongue coaxed you back slowly. His fingers had slipped out, now tracing soothing wet circles on the inside of your thigh. You couldn’t believe Rhett's head was still between your legs, mouth lazily lapping up the mess. You gently pushed him away, clit too sensitive for more.
Rhett blinked, bleary-eyed. He looked wild. Hair a mess, face ruddy and wet. Covered in you.
“Holy shit..” His voice was nothing but a low rasp.
Holy shit.
The chair jerked back as he stood again, roughly wiping his face on his T-shirt with such habitual boyishness you couldn’t help but reach for him. Delirious, gooey-warm. You were kissing him and kissing him, kissing him all over. You could taste yourself on him.
"Did so well for me, baby." He murmured in between kisses, smiling slow. "So fucking good." His hands gripped your head, turning you this way and that like he was checking in.
You couldn't do anything but nod. Your legs felt gummy as you wrapped them around his hips to pull him close. His hardness ground right against you.
Rhett hissed. Eyes squeezing shut. Nodding his head almost absentmindedly when you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his sweats to pull them down.
You felt hungry with it. Insatiable.
Rhett’s cock was heavy and full as it sprung free, the glossy-pink tip swollen with all his aching. Your mouth went numb, filling with spit, with how much you wanted to taste him, slide him all the way into you until you stopped breathing.
But Rhett was shaking his head, no. “I won’t last, baby—” Raw enough it almost felt like he was the one pleading with you now.
You didn’t want him pleading.
You wanted him to feel good. All you wanted was for him to feel good.
Without a word, you wiped a hand through the wet mess between your legs, all his spit, all yours, all your cum, the terrible gush of you, and you spread it over him in a slow filthy pump. He was so big, you stacked one hand over the other.
Rhett tipped forward, his jaw slack, transfixed as he watched your hands move over him. “Hah—fuck me...” One wet deliberate slide after the other, his hips bucking forward.
Next time, you thought, you'd have him all the way inside of you. You could almost imagine it when Rhett leaned over you, caged you in with shaking arms. His mouth buried in your throat, licking a hot strip to your ear, slurring more of his sweet nonsense, so fucking good, baby, oh my god, baby just like that, fuck fuck fuck—
He was thrusting into your hands so hard the table kept jerking back, hitting the window sill. The little ceramics there rattling. One fell to the floor. The back of your head knocked against something hard enough it left you dazed, and Rhett's bumbling hands came up to cradle you there, soothe you through it. Fuck, you good, baby?
He was so perfect it killed you, he fucking killed you.
You kissed him, breathed straight out of his mouth. All you wanted was to make him come for you. Come for me. Please, please.
And when he finally did, when his hips met yours in a wet cuff, when he groaned into your mouth, broken, out of it—he spilled hot onto your stomach.
Forehead to forehead.
Breathing heavy.
You felt the wet drag of his spent cock run from your stomach down to your pubis, where he patted it against your clit, once, like some nasty little parting gift, like a promise.
You kissed him one last time before you collapsed onto your back.
For a moment, neither of you said a word. You watched each other. Eyelids heavy. You realized you were breathing in time.
Out of all the places in the world, you thought.
Somewhere in the thick of it, you ran a finger through the puddle of cum on your stomach. Cool now. Spread it across your tongue—acidy, bitter.
The taste of him.
You wanted to disappear into it.
“You’ve gotta stop or you’ll actually kill me,” Rhett groaned, leaning in all the way. He gently grabbed you by the jaw, kissed you, wet and open-mouthed, the slip of his tongue going deep. “You’re so good,” he murmured against your lips. "You're so good..." Giving you one sweet peck, then another.
And you were still stuck in your daze, sitting at the bottom of this thing that felt vast and everywhere. Sunlight poured through the windows, cradling you in the warmth of your afterglow.
Before you could feel ashamed for it, you let it slip: “thank you, daddy.”
And Rhett looked at you like he'd received an answer to a question he hadn’t known how to ask.
· · ❁ · ·
Afterward, Rhett piled you into his arms and carried you to the bathroom.
You thought distantly of all the other times you’d had to clean yourself up alone.
Rhett was dense and fumbling after “coming my damn brains out, Christ.” But he was trying his best to be slow with you, helping you into the shower.
The two of you swaying like drunkards in the hot spray of the shower head.
You were so tired.
You’d been holding on to something so deeply for so long, it was knocked loose now, it was open like a wound. You imagined the water rushing in, clearing it out until the blood ran clear.
While you both rinsed yourself off, Rhett’s mouth found you every once in a while. It felt like he was making sure you were still there. Pressing a kiss to your temple, the top of your head, a scatter of them on your shoulder.
Once even, he lifted your hand and kissed the inside of your palm with such tenderness you wanted to die.
· · ❁ · ·
“What now?” Rhett murmured into your damp hair.
You were on the back deck, curled in his lap on your favorite wicker chair. Sunlight splintered through the trees as it hit the floor. A patch of it warming your bare feet.
It had taken you a while to climb out of the daze, find your way back to your body. Slowly, slowly, mind un-blurring until you felt coherent.
Your voice was a dry rasp when you finally spoke. “Do you think people should be fucking members of their support group?”
“Okay.” Scoffing, Rhett jiggled you in his lap. “Fucking? Really?”
“Fine. Fraternizing.”
He shot you a withering look. It made you snort.
You knew he was right.
Whatever you’d done on his kitchen table, it had left something big inside of you. It felt important.
“Who would’ve thought Rhett Abbott was such a closet romantic,” you mumbled, delighting in the way he rolled his eyes.
Leaving it at that, you curled back into his chest, lazily lifting a finger and tracing along the soft slope of his nose, down his Cupid’s Bow, each curve of each lip.
Look at you—so surprisingly tender.
He opened his mouth to nip at your finger.
“We’ll go slow,” you whispered, echoing the words he’d said to you before, with such reassurance it felt rooted deep.
“Alright,” he murmured, nodding, letting you press your finger to his jaw to make him look at you. “Slow. I can do slow.”
You couldn't help your grin, thinking about all the things he'd done to you in his kitchen just an hour ago. “Yeah. Tell me about it.”
He quirked a mean smile, pinching your side until you laughed.
Like this, you didn’t feel difficult or complicated or messy.
Your laughter spiraled as you tipped your head back from so much delight.
You let it shake through you.
You let it shake through the tin roof and the wicker chair and the rocks on the railing and the sun and the pine trees and the grass and the dirt and the valley that rolled all the way to your sister's house, the very place you'd started calling home the second your duffle bag hit the welcome mat.
And finally, you let it shake through him, sitting there, washed in shards of sunlight—looking at you like you were the easiest thing to love.
synopsis: pretending you weren’t falling for your boss’s newly recruited superhero is harder than you expected it to be— especially when you can’t seem to set aside your guilt surrounding him and he can’t help but want you anyway.
or, two times you lied to bob reynolds, and the one time you didn’t.
warnings: 18+, suggestive content but not full smut, heavy making out, grinding, very sensual, slow burn-ish, angst, mutual pining, reader is insecure, valentina is way more evil, the team doesn’t really know how to handle bob’s mental health yet, slight mentions of alcohol (i don’t actually think bob would drink tbh but)
word count: 28.9k (sorry, i got carried away) ao3
author’s note: i wrote this two months ago, but this is my first finished and published work— so i think i’ve been scared to actually share it. i’ve been procrastinating and over-editing to avoid it, but it’s something i had fun doing— so if even one person reads it and enjoys, that’s a success in my book! i’d also like to point out that i know there’s discourse on how some tend to infantilize bob and i don’t want that to come across in my writing at all, as i strongly agree that his mental struggles are often misrepresented. a part of this work gently (!!) explores that subject… you’ll see. oh, also yes, i know i use em dashes oddly. idk i’m rambling— please enjoy!
Crestfallen, you walk, a jump at the click of your heels each time they meet the sullen pavement.
It echoes low, muffled sounds trapped between dense, concrete buildings and sticky, summer heat that burns off in the wake of night. This part of the city wasn’t home; it wasn’t much of anything yet— Just another block that looked like all the others, reminding you through the wind that whipped past windows and wove with intention that you still did not yet belong.
None of it felt right: not the crosswalks you passed through, not the clothes you wore to look the part—tight, restrictive, unforgiving—not even when you finally reached the Watchtower, unrecognizable, a shell of itself and its memories.
You used to be able to see it from your old job, just a blink away— An unmistakable beacon shining through the city. It was your favorite building to look at from your office late at night, the light dimming from your eyes as you got lost in your work, yet still found in the faint glow of an A that somehow continued to push you along.
Now, you didn’t dwell on what you felt twisting deep in your core when you saw it, absent-mindedly heading up after scanning your security clearance badges and sharing a routine nod with the doorman.
It was best not to think about it.
Soon, you’d be home and could try to forget who you were for a few hours before it pulled you back in again— Same loop, same lethargy.
Soon, you could just pretend to be someone else again.
You never got off easy, though— Still navigating the endless tasks through the city despite the promise of an 8 pm release. At least no one would be around, so you could make quick work of this one last thing.
And you wished that was still the case when the elevator finally opened to the top floor, reaching the end of your night that somehow only turned into the beginning.
The scent of familiarity—of warmth and peace—that allowed you to exhale a strained breath was the same thing that took it away again, making you freeze abruptly. Your heels scraped against the newly renovated marble, your stiff body hovering uncomfortably in the wake of the warm glow of a very occupied kitchen.
Everything about it caught you off guard, considering you not only were expecting the residential floor to be empty, but the kitchen was almost never used— At least when you were around.
Bucky was used to frozen… maybe that was a bad choice of words, but it was true. Yelena’s grocery list usually consisted of ramen and box mac and cheeses, Alexei made a meal of team-sponsored junk foods, John and Ava relied heavily on DoorDash, and Bob— Well, you never saw Bob with anything in his hand other than a book or his other hand, wringing in nervous, futile energy.
Until now.
You didn’t know much about Bob, admittedly avoiding him a bit— Which he made good on, considering he wasn’t exactly a socialite himself. Part of it was because of the guilt that hung heavy in your chest when you’d catch his eye, the other something else entirely you couldn’t quite place. What you did know of Bob was that he never seemed entirely sure of himself. It radiated through his movements, his smile, his pace, and his laugh. It was doubt that covered him completely, coursing through his veins and mingling with an ice of a power too intense for him to even begin to understand.
And that was evident as you caught him stuck in his own world— A bit removed from the situation you had just walked into, loosely wading through the kitchen, all like he was looking for something that didn’t want to be found.
His steady grip was wound around a wooden spoon— One you didn’t even know the building owned, considering it was never used, bleeding into the background with other untouched reminders of normalcy and an ordinary life.
Fingers danced over each other around the handle, then found their way to the nape of his neck, rubbing and searching for a thought as he hung his head over a tablet on the counter, eyes looming down through loose, wavy strands.
His hair was still that unsettling shade of blonde you hated to see— The shade you tried not to think of, yet could never really forget.
You clear your throat, unsure how to handle the silence the two of you occupied— Him unknowingly, and you, not so much. The sound cuts through the low drone of an old stereo haphazardly plugged in at the corner of the open-concept space, playing an even older song.
His attention shoots up to you, his spine abruptly straightening as his eyes fall on you. The spoon he clung to rattles against the granite as his fingers twitched it free.
“Oh, h-hi, uh, sorry,” he rambles, pale complexion flushing a soft and supple pink. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I Can’t Begin to Tell You,” you state, inhaling a breath and finding your feet carrying you to the island where he stood.
“What?” His eyebrows meet each other, knit in confusion at your statement.
“I Can’t Begin to Tell You,” you repeat, setting down your stack of papers and bag on the corner of the expansive surface, gesturing over to the stereo. “Henry James.”
His eyes follow your finger and relax when he realizes what you meant. “Oh,” he laughs gently, a hesitant yet sweet sound you wished he would share more often. “Right. It’s, uh, not mine.”
Part of you already knew that, noticing the building was still haunted with old stacks of belongings that had lived a million lives before— Stories and memories whispering behind the layer of dust that dulled them until they were forgotten. Forgotten by time, by people, by what—and who—they were once loved by.
“I think it was Captain Rogers’,” he continues, eyes darting away from the quick glances they stole of yours and back to his work on the stove behind him. “It just gets… quiet.”
“Too quiet,” you add, understanding the loneliness this city could drown you in.
His back stiffens at that before he glances over his shoulder at you.
“Yeah.” He says it so quietly you almost wondered if he had even said it at all or if you were just subconsciously filling in the blanks of what intent his eyes held.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here.” You change the subject, not wanting his mind to linger on the heaviness you could sense echoing in his voice, on the weight that held in the air, pushing his tone flat. “I’ll get out of your way, I just had to drop some stuff off on my way home.”
The simmering pan on the stove began to pop, on the edge of a boil. Steam quickly filled the large room, causing Bob to fiddle with the burner until it turned to smoke.
He mumbled under his breath as he made quick work of pulling it off the burner, fanning his hand in pain after some of the hot liquid splashed on his skin— Yet he still made sure to take notice of your words.
“No, no— It’s no bother, really,” he rushes, wiping the evidence of his bubbling dish off the stove and counter. “Everyone’s out for the night so it’s just me… so I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here either.”
A crooked smile pulls briefly at the corner of his lips, sincerity flashing in his eyes when he turns to meet you. It melted you a bit, how much he longed for the company, but you didn’t want it to— You didn’t want to stay, not with him. Not when you still felt the way you did around him.
Not like this.
“What’s in the folder?” He tilts his chin at the stack of documents you brought over, cluttering the otherwise clean counter— That is, aside from the mess of Bob’s cooking: the spices—virtually all of them—the utensils, dishes, and ingredients all sprawled across his work space. It looked like he was deep into crafting something way too complicated for you to understand.
“Boring stuff.”
That wasn’t entirely true; the folder actually contained some pretty important legal documents sent over by Sam Wilson. A few brand deals that needed some signatures, some mission reports you sorted through and needed to be filed, a cease and desist… You didn’t want to worry him with any of that.
“What’s in the dish?” you ask back, changing the subject again so he wouldn’t ask any more questions he wouldn’t necessarily want the answers to. “I didn’t know you cooked.”
He fiddles with the hem of his sweater— Big and baggy and olive green, just like he always wore.
“Oh, I-I don’t. Need to find ways to be part of the team, right?”
You shift your weight, trying to meet his eyes, but he keeps them busy elsewhere— Tidying the kitchen and finding aimless work.
There was a tinge in your heart from his words, dripping with a layer of self-deprecation he tried so hard to hide— His tone chipper, all like he wasn’t finding new ways to put himself down at every turn.
“You are part of the team. You do plenty, Bob.” His head snaps up at that, finding your eyes, a shyness behind them, waiting for you to continue, for you to say it’s a lie, for you to take it back. You didn’t. “You’re the strongest person on this team. Truly.”
He was quiet for a moment, not sure what to say, his mind racing incessantly as he waded in your words, drowning in what to do with everything you’d said. You didn’t mean to overwhelm him, but you hated when he dismissed himself, when he diminished his impact.
“That’s the other guy,” he offers gently, a sense of melancholy lacing his tone. He says it with a half-smile—reassuring—all like it wasn’t breaking him to say. “That’s the Sentry.”
“Bob…” Your voice trails off unintentionally— A losing battle on what to say back, on how to tell him that it’s not true.
That he’s more than his other facets he despised.
“Can you, uh, do you— I mean, do you want to, uh, to try?” He gestures to the meal, fidgeting with his hands, nervously tumbling over his words. “Since everyone’s still not back, you know? I could use the feedback.”
In another world, you’d want to, your heart skipping a beat at his timid offering, so sweet and gentle, so honest. But you couldn’t shake your hesitation that still pulled you back, reminding you against your will of what you’ve done to him.
You couldn’t open that door.
“I wouldn’t want to impose…”
“No, really, you’re not.” He hurries back to his dish, assembling everything on a clean plate before you could say another word— A pair of them, one for each of you.
“Ava, Yelena, and Alexei are training.”
They were on recon… for something Bob didn’t know about.
“Bucky’s doing congress stuff.”
Bucky was with Sam.
“And Walker… I’m not sure where he is, actually.”
Similarly, neither did you.
“So no one will be back for a bit.”
It would be longer than a bit, you already knew that. But he didn’t.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to be left alone,” you point out, tone balancing on the edge of teasing and seriousness. You hated how it made you sound like a lecturing-parent—wandering mind trying to pinpoint how it made him feel too—but you know how the team was with him since everything happened so recently. You know they worried about him, even if they wore it close to the vest— Know they avoided all being gone at the same time because they don’t like for him to dwell in silence for too long alone.
You didn’t like it either, which is why it was even harder for you to fight yourself into leaving.
Then he says,
“Just another reason you should stay.”
Well, you walked right into that one.
He was quick with his answer, completing the plates and setting them down, looking at you delicately, like he said too much. “Uh, u-unless you don’t want to. Sorry, I don’t wanna be annoying, I, uh—”
“No, it’s okay.” You give in, your heart breaking at his sudden embarrassment— Like he pushed you too far when in reality, all he was doing was being kind, just like always. “I’d love to. I haven’t eaten yet, anyways… so, thank you.”
You allow yourself to relax a bit, still nervous at being in his presence with all you held onto, letting yourself find one of the barstools and wait patiently for his masterpiece that he placed in front of you, accompanied by a glass of red wine, which you would never turn down.
“So, what’s for dinner, Chef?”
It warmed you to watch him smile for a split second, that same pink flush you recognized from earlier creep across his cheeks, scratching the back of his head as he sheepishly averts his eyes and takes a seat adjacent to you, waiting intently now.
“Penne,” he says nonchalantly, and you tried to fight the up turn that begged to come through at the corner of your mouth. “With tomato sauce.”
“Did you make the sauce from scratch or something…?” you ask gently, scanning around the room at the kitchen, covered in evidence of what seemed like hours of hard work and love— The same delicious smell that knocked you back when you walked in still wafting through the air, dancing with the faint glow of warm kitchen lights and delicate beginnings.
“No, it’s just a canned one,” he answers sheepishly, somehow wrapped in even more shy, timid manners, his baggy sleeve coming up to his lips that started to curl, hiding the pink that warmed to a red. “I put other stuff in it, though… to make it better.”
It was cute, the way he folded in on himself at your gaze, smiling and teasing towards his simple nature. You loved it. You wished you didn’t.
With a stab or two at the pasta, you hold out your fork to him, a quirked brow and a smile to match. “Cheers.”
He brushed a lock of his hair out of his eyes and awkwardly clinked his fork with yours, the two of you taking your first bites and marinating in the flavors in silence.
Your chewing slowed as you thought, face slowly turning to meet his. You didn’t want to be the one to speak first, wanted anything other than to tell him what you really thought of his hard work.
“Do you think it’s kinda…” your voice trails, hoping that he’d take the bait and finish your sentence.
“Spicy— But not good spicy, like-”
“Pumpkin… spice-y.”
“And burned. Exactly,” he agrees before letting a light groan escape with the crane of his neck, throwing his head to the ceiling in defeat that made you giggle against your own will.
You rummage your hand through the spices that still littered the counter, sifting through the mess for the culprit— Some sort of explanation to solve the mystery of the utterly odd taste that graced your taste buds.
“Maybe next time make sure this one stays in the cabinet,” you tease, flipping the label of a bottle of pumpkin spice mix towards Bob for him to see.
“I should’ve just stuck to doing dishes and laundry,” he grovels in defeat, swiftly taking the evidence with him to clear, tossing the plates into the sink.
“Hey, at least you made a good salad,” you point out, examining a small bowl on the counter with some fresh vegetables. “It’s a little small, but, y’know.”
“Oh, that’s for the guinea pig. Yelena’s.”
“Well, you’re good at taking care of small animals, then.” You give him a sincere smile, hoping he could sense it in your voice as he focused on plating something else, setting a new set of dishes down for the two of you.
“Here,” he says, a glimmer of pride in his voice, just for a second. “The official Bob Special.” In front of you now was a fresh plate of plain penne pasta dressed in light butter; Simple, universally-loved, a classic. “Oh, and if you want to get really fancy,” he jokes quietly, showing off a bottle of pre-packaged parmesan cheese.
You didn’t try to hide the smile you wore this time around, happily inviting him to exchange eye contact with you, a little sweet, a little shy, all something you didn’t want with him.
Something you know he wouldn’t want with you if he knew.
Silence swept through the room, the only sound a swelling swoon of an old orchestra thanks to what was left behind. A tinge of intimacy dances through the air—peace in common ground—something you tried to think else of for your own good. It was hard, he didn’t make it easy— Sitting slouched over his dinner, eyes drifting over to you when you weren’t looking, looking anywhere else when you returned the favor. You can’t even recall the last time you’ve had the privilege of dining with someone, the luxurious feeling of normalcy echoing in each accidental scrape of your fork against the dishware.
You’re sure he senses that, too, all things considered.
“It’s been a while,” he cuts through the silence first, earning your attention, like he was reading your mind. “Since, uh, since you’ve been here.”
Because of you. How do you sit here and tell him, it’s because of him?
“Yeah… you know how Valentina is.” It’s all you could think of saying, immediately regretting the mention of her as soon as the words ghosted over your lips, hitting him hard, his body twitching slightly at the name. You hated yourself for reminding him.
His face fell a bit sullen, eyes darkening and darting away from yours, sucking in a low breath, internally trying to walk himself through the mention of someone who has had such a heavy hand in his life so far.
“Yeah,” he whispers, a quick glance at you then immediately back down at his plate, pushing a few leftover noodles aimlessly.
Think of literally anything else, you scold yourself internally, words tripping over each other as you racked your brain for a way to subtly ease your guilty conscience through him— To let him know what you really thought of your boss, to let him know what side you were really on.
“She, um… she,” you sputter, his eyes taking you in now, watching you take your turn at rambling through the fragments of a sentence. You lost the words, what little of them you had, trailing off. You had to be careful what you told him— Knowing her, this place was most definitely bugged and listening to your every word.
“She hates yellow,” you sigh eventually, gingerly holding your hand up for him to see, nails all uniformly refined and polished a pale, muted lemon. Of all the things, you think. Of all the things you could’ve said. “So… I get them done yellow.”
His eyes dart between yours, trying to decipher what you were saying. You wanted to fold in on yourself—disappear—embarrassed at how pitiful and utterly ridiculous you sounded. Tense bottom lip found its way between your teeth, tenderly biting in purgatory while you prepared yourself for his response— To call you out for your indiscretion, all like he should.
Slowly, the corner of his mouth twitches into just barely a smile.
“We match,” he carefully says, holding a lock of his golden hair, his grin growing a bit. “Two things Valentina hates.” Only you knew he wasn’t talking about his hair. Or about you.
The mention of his new look made your stomach twist, the one very subject you feared. The one thing you were doing everything in your power to avoid.
You took a sip of your wine, now being the one to look away, taking in the twinkling cityscape just past the large windows that adorned every facet of the room. “I’m surprised you still have it— The blonde, I mean.”
Through the reflection you watch him shrug, fingers scrubbing away at something on the counter that didn’t even seem to be there.
“Everyone says they like it,” he points out, but you weren’t convinced. “Do you… What do, uh, what—what do you think?” He asks so gently, like his word was sacred, something lingering he’s too afraid to act on, your opinion, too weighted.
“It just doesn’t seem like you.”
Silence.
You feared his reaction again, but realized if you owed him anything, after all was said and done, the least you could do was give him your honest opinion.
“I think that’s the whole point,” he says quietly, you still too afraid to look up at him again. “The Sentry needs to look powerful, important.” It broke your heart how he spoke of himself, the slight waver as he said it, like every syllable was a losing battle within himself, waging war with every word.
“I liked it brown,” you mumble, scared of your own honesty. “It was just… you. Just Bob. That’s important, too.” You hoped he could hear how you meant it, how you truly admired him untouched.
He gets up in silence and clears your second round of plates, stirring in thought. Your stomach lurched, fearing you might’ve scared him off, had thrown too much at him, offended him, even.
Then,
“I did too.”
He turns around from the sink and gives you a sad smile, a whisper of regret on his lips. You bit at yours again, reeling in his words.
Before you could think of what to say, he kept going. “You’re the only person who’s answered me without worrying I’ll fall apart at the truth or something… so thank you.” It’s shy, it’s raw. He picks at his fingers, lost in the mangle of them now. “Thanks for being honest with me.”
His words hit you like a ton of bricks, the life and wind sucked out of your soul, plummeting to the pit of your stomach, grasping desperately for air. You couldn’t do this, couldn’t let him look at you like you were some sort of savior to his sanity— Like you hadn’t already played your part in maiming the shell of who he used to be.
So you stood, finding your feet leading you to him at the sink, soaking in the warm glow from the hood of the stove, finding each curve of your face and painting you in it— A new light, in more ways than one.
Without thinking, you grab his hand and look at him.
“Look at him. He’s painfully pale and has a head like a bag full of cats, but he’ll have to do.”
Valentina exhaled sharply, exiting the room she had just occupied with Bob, acting as if another person’s autonomy was somehow a personal vendetta against her. You watched as she maneuvered past a version of you— One you were trying to forget.
The old you dodged like your existence was in her way when, really, she was just bulldozing her way through yours.
“What did he say?” old you asked, watching her slowly, almost afraid to know the answer. You remembered that you were.
“Not important. What is important, however,” she said over a sip of water, “is that we get a team working on him immediately. It’s gonna take a while to fix… that.”
You watched as your old self closed her eyes tightly, remembering how you’d tried to calm yourself at her words before painfully obliging.
“What do you need?”
“I want him tanner— The pale is sad to look at. He won’t look good overexposed from camera lights. The clothes need to go; he looks like a Boy Scout, not a superhero. Maybe gold for the suit,” she said, thinking out loud and bustling around the room, weaving through workers promptly trying to get the building usable again. “Americans like gold. It’s classic. Looks expensive even if it’s not. Get those old mock-ups for it.”
“They were burned,” you pointed out bluntly.
“Then make them again.”
Your brows knit with worry before you said, carefully, “This seems like a lot, Val. Do you really think a makeover is necessary?”
“I signed up for the hero of superheroes,” she deadpanned, unamused by your interruption. “Not a damn charity case.”
Once she turns around, you roll your eyes fiercely, fighting the urge to yank that silver strip of hair clean out of her head.
She keeps going, hitting a million other nonexistent flaws he apparently has—you hurriedly writing them all down as if your life depended on it—until she finally says,
“Enhancements would be nice. They’ll delay the launch, but it’s worth it. I mean— Look at him.”
You stopped her there, your heels skidding against the concrete. “Enhancements?”
“Yes,” she said your name with a condescending bite and groaned like it was the most obvious thing ever. “Enhancements. Trim down his nose, put him on steroids so he isn’t so lanky— Oh, that new, trendy thing that makes your cheekbones look sharp,” she said, sucking her lips in to show off the shadow in her face. “Buccal fat!” She snapped her fingers at the remembrance of it. “Look it up and book a surgeon— Someone who can get this done fast so I have something presentable to show the press.”
You remembered you couldn’t believe what you were hearing— The way she spoke about him like he was nothing, like he wasn’t even a person.
You looked back at him, sitting in a sheen of sweat, doubled over on himself at the edge of the bed Valentina once waded in with him, clearly unstable and vulnerable.
The sight of him left alone in there made you sick.
Letting her sink unforgiving claws into him and mutilate him, stuff him like he’s the puppet she wants him to be, would destroy him. You couldn’t let her, not in his state, not when he was so clearly aching to have meaning that he would say yes to just about anything she suggested.
And she knew that.
“Or,” you began, flinching at yourself for attempting to correct her in the first place. “We could start smaller. It’ll move things along faster, y’know, pacify the investigation.”
She looked visibly irritated but stopped her busy work, granting you most of her attention now.
“They’re really getting restless, Val,” you added, fibbing a tad to help convince her. “They’re pushing back. Hard.”
“And what do you propose then?”
“All I’m saying is you can always… tweak things later,” you offered, breath catching on the word ‘tweak.’ You wanted to sink into yourself and disappear at even acknowledging her sick and twisted ideas to form him into her mold.“You could bleach his hair, maybe. Hair can change the whole appearance, make him look more refined. Maybe a nice blonde, straight and slicked back… Really complete the whole look and compliment the gold.”
You hated your own suggestion, but prayed she took the bait, giving some time to wait on permanently altering him and his body, inflicting irreparable damage he had no control over when he was as fragile as he was.
She huffed, waving her hand at you— Something you got a lot. “I don’t care, just fix him. I can’t be bothered, okay?” And she walked away, leaving you reeling in worry over how to please your unpleasable boss and keep your hands clean of him, all at the same time.
You snapped back to reality abruptly, sharing in the panic in his eyes, his hands still woven in between yours. Your breath hitched as you realized what you had just done, almost forgetting just how abrasive that memory was. In your desperate attempt to atone for your sins—show him why you avoid him so incessantly and feel so complacent in a version of himself you know he hates—you hung him out to dry. You let him relive the woman who has already caused him so much harm.
You let her cause more.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, a pathetic presence of self-pity laced through the letters you strung together, tears clinging to the corners of your eyes despite your best attempts to stop them. Skin untangled from his, wiggling your hand free of his grasp, running through your hair, searching for how to explain what just happened to him— Why you did what you did. “I haven’t been honest… not like you think. I needed you to know that.”
He took you in carefully, his eyebrows and forehead wrinkles woven with worry and pain, a similar sheen of sweat dancing across his skin— One you knew all too well. Golden hair came to light again, the messy brown you once loved lost in the darkness left behind once your hand left his, now only an aching memory.
“You were just doing your job,” his voice cracks, raw from the silence it had been swallowed in just moments before, and you wanted to laugh— How could he seriously be standing here right now making excuses for you, comforting you, justifying you?
“You want to know why I avoid you, Bob?” Your voice raises a bit in volume, more courage coursing through your veins as you listen to him excuse your actions. “I avoid you—this place—because every time I look at you, I’m reminded of how I stripped your sense of identity… of how I helped erase you. And it kills me.”
You were so caught up in your own rambling confession, your voice wavering slightly, a sting clawing at the back of your throat, that you didn’t realize he had stepped closer, his large frame towering over you now, casting a shadow over the dips and curves of your skin.
“You helped save me from much worse,” he whispers, a little unsure of himself— Maybe of the moment, maybe of the breached space… Maybe of you. Was it you? Breath dances with his as you blink up at him now, eyes impatiently searching for the answer like it lay there, honest and open and true when he adds, “Besides, it’s just hair.”
Still unsure, you say back, “I erased a part of you, Bob.”
He shrugs and looks away, taking the smallest step back, a sudden rush of cool flooding you from the loss of body heat he radiated onto you. How could you miss something you barely had?
“Not much there to erase.”
The way he says it cuts through you like a knife, a feeling of dread worse than you could’ve imagined. How could someone so great, so pure and full of potential, see so little in himself?
It’s like he was searching for new ways to keep you up at night— The guilt you bear, the senseless burn in the deepest corners of your soul that demanded something more with him, were not yet enough. Your Achilles’ heel. The way he consumed you.
“I’m going to do this thing where I’m only honest with you now,” you start, voice cracking a little over the words, eyes begging to connect with his— To help him see, to understand; you meant it. “That’s not true, Bob. Not at all. Not even a bit.”
A heat burns through the high points of his cheeks, undeniable proof of the way he’s fighting the urge to let himself believe what you so desperately wanted him to see. You knew Bob well enough to know he’d take a lot more convincing than that. His voice crawls with a doubtful chuckle as he says, so quietly you could barely hear, “I don’t know about that.”
His hands find a home at the base of his neck, wobbly fingers pawing at flushed skin, eyes unable to meet yours. It didn’t matter, you still watched him— Eying him intently, learning what he was trying to say through his body instead. Silence was something you were used to when you were around him, the leading party admittedly coming from both ends, but this was a new kind of silence.
You hated it.
There were a lot of things you wanted to do— Shake him free of the prison in his mind, tell him that he’s something extraordinary, remarkable, tell him you’re scared of what twists inside you for him. You wanted to tell him that your guilt has made it a lot easier to cover up the feeling that scares you most in the likes of him— An unknown ache, yearning to be set free. You wanted to pull his hand out of his hair and to your chest, let him learn by feeling how hard your heart was beating for him, a spark you’d buried, fighting to burn again. You wanted to grab his face in your hands and stop his ragged breathing, suffocate his fears and worries with the certainty of your lips, skin on skin, hearts on sleeves, trust in devotion.
But you couldn’t do any of that, so you did something you’ve wanted to do for a long time.
“Come on.” He twitches as you latch your hand onto his forearm and pull him toward the door, scared the contact might not take you where you intended, yet you stay grounded in this universe—this moment—his mind racing at your forwardness as he stumbles along behind you.
“Where are we— W-what are we—”
You stopped abruptly at the side door near a little shoe rack, turning to look at him now— Stability found in the pools of his eyes that made their way to yours again, eyes you’d somehow missed already, shy and tentative.
“Do you trust me enough to follow me?”
He swallowed hard, wringing his fidgeting hands together, eyes darting around the secluded area of the residential floor you’d taken him to— Like he was surprised you knew it existed, this quiet part of his home. His hesitation made your burst of courage start to fizzle, choked away in the silence, until—
“I… I think I’d follow you anywhere.”
Your heart leapt like your soul had been ripped through your chest and crashed back into your body when those words left his lips.
“Good,” you manage to get out, gently instructing him to put on his shoes— Which he obliged, tripping and falling over himself to slip his sneakers on as fast as he could, you watching endearingly, unable to look anywhere else.
You grab his arm when he recoils from the floor, standing tall over you again, familiar frame and body heat filling the air, and headed for the door.
“We’re getting your hair back.”
For the first time in your life when you walk toward the building, you feel renewed hope. It was giddy— The energy and lightness that hung in the air around the two of you, walking lazily back to the Watchtower, no longer a fear or worry in the world. Who would’ve ever thought the reason you dreaded that building would be the same one that saved you?
Everything was starting to feel right— The crosswalks you scurried through, grabbing ahold of his arm like he were a lifeline, no longer uneasy now that he was next to you. You could relax against him, the shield of his body a buffer between you and the busy streets, giggling your way through the flashing traffic lights and honking horns of impatient drivers.
You used to envy them, their pointed purpose around you, but now you only pitied the restless nature of their souls— The way none of them had a reason to enjoy the moment they were in.
Unlike you.
It was funny how quickly you realized what you’d so deeply repressed in regards to him. He brought peace to your world, relishing in the time you got to spend with him now— Unburdened, hopeful, reborn.
It was like your soul had known his forever— A familiar flame, kindling, against all odds, with his.
It was like he was learning to breathe again when he wandered through the hazy city streets with you, his eyes sparkling with wistful wonder as he absorbed the movement around him. He waded in the flickering life of the city all like he wasn’t living in it, day in and day out, like he'd never seen anything like it before.
You knew that wasn’t true— He made himself busy outside the Watchtower, growing bolder in exploring every day, discovering what the world had to offer just like everyone else. Looking—a whisper of loss behind his eyes—for the thing in this city that could make him tick. Searching for a home in a city of nomads, in a city that was lost like him. Like you.
He hasn’t found it yet.
A smile pulled at your lips bitten by the cool evening air, absentmindedly, as you watched him take it all in, his hesitancy washing away with every step now.
Your cheeks warmed again at it— Just like they did when you left, the memory of him stumbling over himself in every sense of the word flooding back like it’s lived in your mind forever now.
“Are you sure we should be doing this so late?” He had mumbled to you, tone unsure yet hopeful— Hopeful you’d ease his doubt and insist he’s exactly where he needs to be.
You did.
“Yes, Bob, it’s fine,” you’d said back. “You’re with me.”
“A-and the store— They’ll be open still?”
“It’s only 9 pm, Bob. We’re in New York City.”
“Oh, right.”
You knew it wasn’t about being out late or about a store’s hours— Of course not. He’s lived a life far more complicated than a 7-11 run in the middle of the night, to say the least.
It was that he was still finding his footing, trying desperately to ground himself in something that would do it back. That would assure he was allowed ownership over himself again. No abuse, no drugs, no demons.
Just something real.
He was overly cautious of himself, like he was hyper-aware of the fact that his brain convinced him he was out of place somehow. You knew the feeling.
The rest of the trip went that way— Him clinging to you and your every word, watching with calculated thought churning in his brain while you did your thing: picking out the best shade of brown to match his roots that poked through just enough, weaving through the store with ease— Just two lost souls finding themselves together in the artificial glow of a late-night corner pharmacy.
You refrained from touching him again, fighting off the intimacy you felt creeping up on you. If your fingers wrapped around him you’d only be reminded of the swoop in your stomach when things crossed into a realm you teased— Cautiously, carefully.
When you grabbed his arm to drag him out the door or keep him with you as you ran through the streets, it felt familiar—felt okay—allowable, even. But there were other ways of touching him that you knew would stop your breathing, swirl your head, shred your better judgment— Hungry claw at your heart. A heart that screamed for him, for more.
You couldn’t touch his hand again. You couldn’t snake your hand across his lower back as you shuffled in front of him in the aisle. You couldn’t thread your fingers through his hair to find the perfect shade—You just couldn’t.
So you gingerly held the box up and took your best guess, his questions still coming all the same.
“Is it going to sting?”
“No, Bob. It’s a demi-permanent dye, not bleach. Your hair’s already bleached.”
“This is a bad idea, what if everyone hates it? Valentina is gonna get so pissed—”
“So let her,” you dismissed softly. “She’ll have to go through me first.”
A pink settled on his skin— That same pink from when you startled him in the tower, the color from when he served you dinner, shy and hopeful. The one that blistered his skin when you teased him— One that festered from the way you talked him down, not letting him consume himself in doubt, all like it was already a natural place for you to be. It appeared again when you worked your way around the night shift cashier who didn’t want to honor a coupon Bob mentioned in passing he tried to use last week on snack foods for Yelena. It was still crinkled in his pocket, a reminder of his failure on his grocery run, in his small but monumental tasks— You simply couldn’t have that.
And now, you walk back, a plastic bag of his newfound authority swaying alongside you as he held the jelly-red candies he munched on up to the streetlights, watching them glow from within— His prize in more ways than one.
“Do you ever think about why they’re called Swedish Fish?” he muses, voice cutting through the sugar on his teeth. “Like, what makes the fish… Swedish?”
You couldn’t do anything but smile— A smile that stretched so far it pulled his attention with it, rambling questions coming to a pause and looking at you. Cool, flickering lights under the Watchtower’s entrance cradle your skin, making you shine— A physical embodiment of the way he made you glow inside, just like his candies in the streetlights.
“What?” he asks tentatively, thin lips pursed together, stopping mid-chew with wide eyes darting gently back and forth, like he’d done something wrong.
Eyes connected like constellations decorating the clear, crisp air above you, the soft lull of city life blurring into the background— Somehow completely insignificant in this moment.
You wanted to say,
It’s just that I like spending time with you. You look so perfect right now I can barely breathe.
Or,
I missed having you in my life. Even if it was small, I still missed you. It meant something to me.
You fought the urge to confess,
I feel something I shouldn’t— Something hungry and restless from the way I let it starve.
I feel something for you.
You dared to whisper,
I think I’m falling in love with you.
But instead—
“Nothing,” you breathe back softly, a cautious reluctance haunting your phrase despite your desperate attempt to hide it. The words taste wrong as soon as they leave your lips, a new sin brought to fruition, betraying what you promised him before— Doing the one thing you vowed never to do to him again.
You lied.
You don’t say any of what you want to, just reiterate with a breathless smile, “It’s nothing.”
He pushed further, gently— An offering so delicate, a chance for you to take it all back and give him what burned inside your throat to say. He asks it carefully, like he was dancing on a line he was afraid to cross.
“Are you sure?”
The key card buzzes you back in, breaking the moment that threatened to swallow you whole.
“I’m just glad you got your candy, is all.”
When you step inside, you move through the tower silently, a state of mourning, like you both knew what was about to come— A next step, only yours to take.
You didn’t want to go. You wanted to live in this night forever. It was a night you could only dream of having— So raw, so utterly real that it threatened to shatter what you thought you knew of reality. It felt like if you let it end now, you might never get this feeling back again.
You wondered if he felt the same.
When you reach the residential floor, you enter, this time, as someone completely new— Or yet, maybe someone you’ve always been, a person who just got lost. You were getting to be the different, better you. The one you fantasized about being when you were alone at your apartment, only now with the only person in the world you’d want it to ever be with.
Everything was just how you left it: messy kitchen, littered with evidence of a lived-in night, half-had glasses of wine, deep red liquid staining the bottom of the vessel like a scar. Warm light, a pulse radiating throughout the dark floor all from that one space— The space where everything changed for both of you.
The only thing new was the silence from a finished record, drawing the night to a close. Your cue to go.
Bob was the first to speak, confirming current residents with the comm system, only to reaffirm your impatient suspicion.
You were still alone.
“Wow, everyone’s still gone,” he reiterates after the mechanical voice goes mute, a nervous and low, breathy laugh engulfing the sincerity seeping through his tone— One that threatened to betray his facade and bare the truth of what lies behind intent.
“Guess so,” is all you say back.
Beat.
Say something else, you scold internally. It’s getting too quiet.
Eventually, you cave and bite first—begrudgingly—but not wanting to crowd him any longer. “Thanks for tonight. It was nice.”
You give him a half smile and move past him, his lanky frame awkwardly shuffling aside with a mumbled ‘sorry’ so you could grab for your bag— But you don’t take it yet. You just encroach on his space, hovering gently, waiting for his next words, fingers practicing wrapping and releasing around the handle haphazardly in wait.
Holding out the plastic bag from your impromptu errand, you look at him— His timid eyes already watching you, absorbing your every move, thinking intently. You hold out the offer of it—a weighted symbol—waiting in the silence, a moment too delicate to speak. He takes it gently, but neither of you move— Both your hands still clutched onto the bag, not wanting to let go. In more ways than one.
“I, uh, I don’t really, um,” he stutters. “I mean, what I mean is, I— uh, sorry— It’s just that…” He pauses, taking you in, mind reeling behind his eyes on what to say to you next, suspended in the time you let pass.
Wrap, release.
“Maybe you can come back, y’know,” he says—so shy, so quiet—gesturing down to the bag, your fingers finally slipping free of it once the position is acknowledged, relinquishing sole custody to him. “I don’t really know what I’m doing with all this… so if you don’t mind, or uh, have the time in your schedule…” He laughs timidly, restless fingers around the plastic gripping on for dear life— And oh, there’s that flush again. “Sorry— I know you’re busy, this is stupid,” he rambles but you stop him, touching your free hand to his around the bag. His mind and mouth and meddling fingers come to a screaming stop at the contact, eyes flickering down like you might have unleashed the unwanted.
It didn’t come.
“Of course I’ll help, Bob.” His features immediately relax, a bit of reassurance washing over him as you smile softly, your fingers still stuck to his.
“Okay,” he croaks. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Your heart thudded hard— So hard you wondered if he could hear it ringing in his ears like it was in yours.
Wrap, release.
He runs his tongue over his teeth, mulling in thought, weighing the voices, then says,
“Do you think it’ll take long?” he whispers, almost scared. “The dye?”
“No.” Your tone slips lower, matching his, trembling almost. “It’s pretty easy…”
Eventually, he says, “I won’t keep you.” He looks down hesitantly at your hand— One on your handbag, tethering you to an exit you didn’t want to take, the other still meeting his— His eyes not wanting to remind you they were still overlapping, the contact becoming more charged as each second passed. “You’re probably busy, y’know… with work ‘n stuff.”
Did you dare?
“It’s quarter to 10 on a Friday, Bob.”
You did.
So you continued. “I have nowhere to be. It’s the weekend, so…”
Wrap, release.
“Do superheroes even get days off?” he asks, but not seriously. He says it like it’s a strained joke, a short laugh covering up the root of something much more complex— Something much more timid and intimate that he wanted to know.
Your hand twitched free from his, cold rushing to the pads of your fingers from the loss of heat.
“Lucky for you,” you tease, “I’m not a superhero. That’s your job.”
When he looks down at his hands, likely mulling over the loss of contact just like you, he follows your lead. “Care to work some overtime, then?” He looks back up, eyes dancing along yours, searching to connect like a puzzle begging to be finished. They echo with hope, glistening from the reflection of the light captured in the dim and dark center of his doubts— The part of him that said, she wants nothing to do with you. Stop bothering her, you’re wasting her time.
But you’d like nothing more. “I think I can swing that.”
Release.
The releasing won— You retreating your grip from your handbag, stranding it on the counter along with your other things, leaving behind the people you were before tonight, leaving behind an old fate, stepping into something new and unfamiliar. A new beginning, together. No longer alone.
So you let him lead you upstairs into the uncertain.
His hands were buried deep in his pockets, hair shifting against the cool blue hue of the roaring city in restless waves as he walked. Each step echoed into the empty, taking you somewhere you never thought you’d have the privilege of going.
The corridor stretches on— Long, dim, empty of the usual chaos. A steady haze clung to the walls, the flickering heartbeat of twinkling city lights bleeding through tall windows, washing the world in a soft, electric kind of quiet. He stops once he reaches the end.
The hallway wound further, but he didn’t.
He opens the door, dipping his head and shuffling aside, the smallest, sweetest smile breaking across his lips for a split second. It was the kind of smile that made your chest ache and your heart soar.
He lets you enter first, a wave of goosebumps pecking your skin as his forearm brushes the air behind you, reaching out for the touchpad. The lights come on, his private world unfolding before you, one shadow shattered at a time— Like a secret you weren’t sure you deserved to be told yet.
His room was more well-kept than you were expecting, considering his battle with inner demons and his tendency to be a bit scattered. Part of you wondered if it was just because he didn’t have many belongings anymore.
Some similarly muted and oversized garments tenaciously cluttered a lounge chair, a few scattered across the floor, the rest held in a closet bigger than your apartment— Though it was mostly empty, lining lights illuminating barren drawers and shelves.
The outer wall across from his bed was covered in large windows overlooking the city, beneath it a slightly raised landing that stretched along the back edge of the room. Atop it sat a sofa that looked completely untouched and a dark wooden desk, adorned with small remnants of him— A notepad with some scribbles and doodles too faint for you to make out, a pile of crumpled, discarded fragments of papers cluttered around it. A computer and phone, plugged in and seemingly forgotten about, a small succulent on top of some better-known self-help books alongside an empty cup with a thick straw— Seemingly for a milkshake or smoothie.
His soul touched every corner, a faint whisper of himself embedded in the fabric of his own reality.
Lining one wall adjacent to the windows were several bookshelves, mostly empty yet, but still more crowded and lived-in than the other things in his room. Some shelves held picture frames still encasing the stock photos inside— Naturescapes and famous landmarks, things of that sort. You had to fight the smile that crept to your lips at the invasive thought that maybe, one day, you could be the one to change that.
And there he stood, raking his hands through his hair and wringing them together as he watched you silently take in the space.
You take the first steps, freeing yourself from the tight suit jacket you’d been bound to all day, the fabric whispering against your skin— A physical and emotional release. He watched your frame closely—carefully—like he was witnessing something he wasn’t supposed to.
Why did it feel dramatic? Why did it feel weighted?
Maybe because it was.
Because around him, everything felt heavier— Closer, like stepping too near the edge of something you couldn’t quite name.
You drape it gently on the curve of his bed, leaving with it the urge to hold back, trying your best to stay grounded when stepping into something new.
Something with him.
“Those look uncomfortable,” he murmurs softly, like he was tapping the ice instead of breaking it. Like he was talking more to the room than to you.
You study him, trying to connect what he was saying with his eyes to what he was saying with his words.
“The shoes,” he adds shyly, an almost boyish innocence in his glance at your sharp heels— His form of an invitation for you to settle in, reminding you it’s okay to relax in his space.
“Oh,” you laugh gently, taking his delicate offer to slip them off, warm pads of your feet finally unwinding against the cool of his floor— An exhale. “They are.”
He repays you with a mannerism close to a smile, the outer edge of his mouth flashing into a curve for a second, making your stomach swoop with a flutter you can’t contain.
“You might want to, uh,” you continue, gesturing to the sweater hanging loosely over his lean frame, soft and worn. It was the kind of thing you knew he probably slept in. Something that probably still smelled like old memories and half-healed wounds.
“You don’t want to get dye on that,” you add. “It probably won’t come out…”
Beat.
He glances down, all like he just remembered it’s still on his body.
The favor was returned. Saying it without saying it.
For a moment, he hesitates, then you feel it— That shift, that ache when it happens. It’s not out of debate of your offer, but because his stare is lingering longer than he’s ever let it before, watching you closely—intimately—reveling in the delicacy of your words.
His eyes trace the curves of your skin, arms now exposed, standing in your blouse. It’s a business-casual tank top. Appropriate for work, but still fun enough to leave a button or two undone.
He quickly tears his gaze away, soft blue irises gently washed in awkward panic— The silent kind that only shows as they dart around the room, his limbs gesturing in small movements toward his expansive closet.
“I—I have things,” he rushes, hand tearing into the nape of his neck, rummaging through his restless hair. “Like, uh, like a t-shirt or something, I mean… if you don’t want to ruin your clothes too.”
You smile and accept the offer, following him into his closet.
The enchanting scent of cedarwood drawers mingled with the warm, earthy smell he always wore— So subtle, so effective, just enough to make you forget anything else mattered in the moments when it hung in the air around you, dizzying and distracting.
He rummages through a drawer—half-open, garments half-folded—and pulls out a slightly wrinkled steel-blue t-shirt and a pair of lounge shorts, fabric clutched in his fists, fidgeting nervously.
“They’re clean, I promise. I just… I hate folding.”
Slipping into the bathroom, connected to both his room and the closet, he hovers, his hand ghosting over the handle. “I’ll, uh, I’ll give you—” he stumbles. “I’ll let you… yeah…” he trails off, a nervous laugh swallowing the rest of the words he failed to find. A blush crept to your cheeks at his timid nature— It was sweet, sincere. It ruins you.
The door creaks as he pulls it shut for you to change, unknowingly leaving you alone with a heart that pounded for him, a heart that could no longer lie dormant in his empty space. The undeniably intimate feeling of wrapping yourself in his clothes—an extension of him—creates a flustered pull at your lips. A burning. The silent buzz of his closet carrying it all.
When you slip the soft, threadbare fabric over your head, you linger for a second, a persistent thought of proximity curling around you like smoke. The thought clings to you like the fabric, just like how it’s clung to him before. For a fleeting second, you almost drown in the thought that maybe this will be the closest you’ll ever get to be to him— Only some fabric shared.
Once.
It’s large, draped over your body like a blanket, and even then, it still hangs just right— Enveloping you in comfort, all like it was made to be worn by you too. Like it’s been waiting all this time.
The shorts, on the other hand, make a habit of slipping past your waist, hanging there for no longer than a second before falling, the garment gathering down at your feet. You try rolling the waistband a few times, but it’s a useless feat, leaving you to hope your company was okay with a makeshift dress instead. You, in his shirt, bare legs disappearing into the too-long hem.
Its length stretches just past your fingertips. Sure, you’ve worn shorter dresses to work, around the team, around him… but this felt like something you had to rationalize a lot more.
Just as you swallow your pride and replace it with something more earnest and raw for him—your heart on your sleeve, vulnerable in more ways than one—you freeze.
In the reflection of the mirror, looming large at the opposite end of the closet, you catch a glimpse of him through the sliver of the bathroom door that’s slipped ajar.
He pulls the olive sweater up over his head, back facing you, ruffling the locks of golden, wavy hair he tries to pat down to no avail— Something you could still love in the scattered fragments of him, because it was, after all, still him. The movement tugs the white t-shirt he wears underneath up, a patch of smooth, sculpted skin resting at the waistband sneaking through, your breath catching at the mere sight of it— Of him, like this.
From the freedom of his baggy sweater you could see him better— A fresh glimpse at the way his chest rises and falls with deep and heavy breaths, struggling to tether himself to something that was never really there. His muscle was indescribable, molded into the stretched cotton, something unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The closest you’d come was seeing it on TV. One of the Avengers— One who didn’t come from this world.
Yet, there he is. Innately human.
Those were the most captivating parts of him. Through taught muscle lay a subtle softness at the curves and dips of his skin, his hands like they were large enough to hold the whole world yet were still found fiddling with the simple box dye, restless energy shuffling around the expansive tile until he slipped out of view, taking your pitiful daydream along with him.
You wish he knew just how alluring he really was.
Unsure fingers gather the fallen shorts and clothes still warm from your body off the floor, folding them loosely over your arm, draped in front of your body as if that somehow makes the moment any less vulnerable, less revealing.
When you step into the bathroom, he’s sat on the edge of his tub, cool porcelain cradling his long and lanky frame, fingers still buried in the box— Toying with the cap, absentmindedly picking at the corner of the paper, brows furrowed as he raked through the expansive instructions on the back, all too caught up in anchoring himself to something—anything—to notice you were there standing in front of him.
A hush and milky white bathes the tile, a low lunar light lingering over every surface like silk. An echo of penance trapped between four walls and two bodies.
The sweater’s gone; he’s in that cotton white t-shirt you already caught a glimpse of— Simple, classic, saying so much without saying anything at all, much like everything about him. It’s somehow the same size as the one you wore, just fitting much more right— Tightly stretched over his broad chest and shoulders like a second skin, fabric smoothing perfectly over the rest of him. His hair is still messy, riddled with movement and life. His feet bare, legs long and in light grey sweatpants, arms exposed and glowing in the dim pooling light of his bathroom.
Was it too much to ask to live in this moment forever?
“The shorts were too big,” you confess, reluctant to disturb him— To steal back the time where observing him feels like the most important thing you’ll ever do, like a gift too good to keep. You look down at what you were left in, the sensual nature of just his t-shirt somehow showing off every curve of your body despite its size like it’s taunting you. “I hope you don’t mind…”
When he looks up at you, the world narrows to a pinhole. Just for a second. It’s like you were in a vacuum, the rest of the world slipping away until it’s just you. Just him.
The box falls free from his hands and clatters to the floor, fingers freezing and pressing against his legs now, a gentle back and forth like he was trying to soothe himself. Thin lips part slightly, so subtle you wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t so drawn into his every move like it was a lifeline— Your resuscitation, suspended in aching time.
He sucks in a slow and steady breath, the only thing present. Just you. Just him.
You lived a lifetime in the flicker of an unspoken spark, a jolt you weren’t supposed to feel, but did. In truth, it was only mere seconds you stood there—a silent offering—before he spoke.
“You, uh…” he starts, a breath catching in his throat, words clinging there, stickier and sweeter than his candy. He gestures vaguely at the shirt. “Looks better on you.”
It’s shy, reserved, like he just said the most obscene thing his mind could conjure— Like it was unholy to say anything at all in this state, in this moment. His voice is low, heavy as gravel, the undeniable weight of his words landing like a stone on your chest.
Nervous eyes glance around the new space, taking in your surroundings to distract from the aching pull on your heartstrings, wound tightly like coiled wire, tension thrumming beneath your skin with no release from his earnest compliment.
You hated how he did this to you— How he was so unaware and devastatingly oblivious to the way the small things he did made you fight off something ravenous within your soul.
Every time he looked at you like you mattered, you had to fight the urge to grab his restless hand in yours to calm it. Every time he blushed, you had to remind yourself you couldn’t just walk over and kiss it off his face. Every single damn time he said a sheepish compliment like it was sacred, you had to wrestle your mind into remembering he isn’t yours. He’s not yours.
Every. Single. Time.
This time wasn’t any different, somehow willing yourself into swallowing the lump in your throat, pushing down the words that were threatening to boil over in a confession and instead do something stupid— Change the subject rather than telling him something absurd, like how you want to wear his clothes forever. You wanted to live within a piece of him, always.
“Do you have a hairbrush?”
He blinks a few times— Blank, rapid, staccato movements trying to process what you said, like he was surprised by your response.
“Oh, uh, yeah— Yeah, I have one.”
His fingers drum against his thigh, then stop. His jaw tightens, like he’s trying to catch a thought before it slips away, and crosses over to open a drawer in the vanity like he wasn’t buried deep in his mind. A small plastic comb turns aimlessly in his fingers before he hands it to you and immediately looks down, avoiding your eyes, murmuring, “I-I think your hair already looks nice, though.”
God, he was killing you. Did he know he was killing you?
“It’s for you,” you breathe, quiet and sure. “If you don’t brush your hair before coloring, it’ll get spots, is all.”
“Oh,” he whispers, a gentle smile in relief breaking across his lips for a fleeting second, like he was happy you weren’t displeased with his appearance. “That—that makes sense.”
“May I?”
You hold the comb up and ask— In a way asking yourself if you were really ready to touch him in that way. Asking the room like the echoes would answer back and reveal what you weren’t quite ready to face.
It was nothing—sure, maybe on the surface—but you’d been avoiding touching him for so long, the restraint was suddenly the thing making it harder for you to hold back. Your heart, light-years ahead of your mind, knew if you touched him in a way that mattered again, you’d only be reminded of how much you didn’t want to let go. Of him. Of yourself.
But he nods, a shy and timid pink flushing his features ever so slightly— All like it wasn’t as weighted as your dragging thoughts were making it feel. You reach up for him on your tiptoes, stepping a little closer, trying your hardest to reach his head that towered above yours until he took the lead and sat on the edge of the tub again. His fingers hovered loosely over the curve of your waist to guide you, accompanied by a soft, “There.”
Sitting down, his head rests just in front of your chest, hanging slightly in silence— A semblance of reckoning as he gives himself to you.
Shallow and steady breath was hot against your sternum, sending shivers down your spine. He exhaled all like it was something he was trying to control—to contain—a pledge to bury how he was feeling inside. The truth remained exiled in the flutter of his breath like a secret— Or maybe, really, it’s just the vivid inner workings of your imagination meshed with hopeless desire.
When you’re done brushing, he hands you the tube of color with a soft smile, cap already loose from his mindless twisting, the rest of the box still abandoned on the floor. It was like it was the most insignificant thing in the world since you stepped through his door, all despite it being the reason you were still with him in the first place.
Or at least, that’s what you both kept telling yourselves.
You both duck down to pick it up at the same time, his wild waves tangling with yours like a whisper on new skin, the air around him seeping into yours, molding into one the way you so desperately wanted to believe it belonged.
Wobbling lips wear a tentative laugh and exchange breathless ‘sorrys’ when you both retract. You keep your glance down and buried into the box so maybe—just maybe—he couldn’t catch a glimpse of how fearlessly you were blushing— A shamefully senseless smile sneaking across your lips like an utter fool.
You place the mixing bowl—now full of the color—on his lap, whispering a steady, “Hold this,” and work on getting the gloves on, the black plastic melting into your skin, tight and precise. Then he reaches for the developer.
“No, wait,” you instruct lightly, and he freezes like he’s created a catastrophic problem.
You go to the vanity and grab a different bottle of developer left behind in the plastic bag. When you pour it into the bowl, he clings to it with extra care, all like it was going to shatter under the weight of his grasp.
“Never use the developer they give in the box, especially if you’re only depositing color like we are,” you explain, eyes flickering from the bowl to his gaze, trying to ease his mind through the aching adoration you couldn’t help but wear for him. “It’s usually a 20 volume,” you continue, “which we definitely don’t want.”
He looked at you like you were speaking a different language, tongue graced by a wisdom and knowledge too foreign for him to know. Eyes darted back and forth between yours cautiously, like you’d given him the answer to quantum entanglement instead of basic hair care, lost in the wavelength of your words.
“That… that sounds complicated,” he stumbles, a little at a loss for words, trying to find where to even start. Did he know how adorable he was? Stupidly precious confusion weaving through his features, eyes fluttering as he faltered, a twitch in his lip quirking just so, nervous bubbles of laughter dancing intimately over every syllable said. Did he know all that made your knees want to give out?
Did he know at all?
“It’s simple, really,” you soothe, a sickeningly sweet tone flooding your mouth— Something you couldn’t stop even if you tried. You mix the contents in the bowl with the back of the comb and explain, distracting from the way your chest swoops like a threatening storm. “Developer is something that can lift your hair. So the higher the volume, the more lift you’ll get.”
Before you could continue, Bob snatches the bowl away mid-mix and holds it over his head, a teasing grin coming to life.
He maneuvers the bowl further out of your grasp as you reach for it, grinning at how much fun he was having teasing you— Like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Lift? You mean like this?”
His eyes didn’t leave yours once— Pure wonder glistening from getting you flustered and watching you fight it. “No and you know it,” you playfully scold, eventually grabbing it back and continuing your work all like you weren’t smiling fervently.
“I don’t know, that seems like lift to me,” he levels with a joking tone, hanging on your reaction like it was holy.
When he stared at you with that undeniable grin you wanted to say something disgustingly stupid— Something forward and blunt and rash like how he should lift you instead; Carry you anywhere he wanted to go as long as it was within his arms. God. It made you sick just how badly you wanted him, the ache you tried to suffocate not going down easy, not staying silent, begging to be set free.
You have to choke all that down to say,
“Lift as in opening the hair follicle so it can lighten and absorb the color.”
He bites the edge of his lip, watching you like it was the only thing that mattered, jaw twitching once as he tried to suppress his smile from growing into something bigger.
“That’s basically the same thing.”
“Mmm,” you hum, wiping the edge of the comb into the bowl and setting it down. “Basically.”
After a moment you hold it up—hesitant for some reason—before you eventually ask, “Ready?”
He nods, quiet and firm, like it was the easiest decision he’s ever made. “Yeah. Yeah,” he says, the repeated agreement said more to himself than to you. “My blonde days are over.”
“What?” you tease, feeling a little bold now too. “You don’t wanna be a blonde bombshell forever?”
Fiery red scorches his cheeks at that, a blush that reaches the tips of his ears against the pale of his hair. His eyes flash wide before he ducks his head nervously and chuckles under his breath, like he couldn’t bear to hear a compliment, even if you were joking. Even if it were half true.
“Nope,” he mumbles sheepishly before looking up at you again, a gaze suddenly raw and honest— Something stoic humming beneath it all. “I’m good with just Bob now.”
You smile, mind bringing you back to earlier, how you reassured him he was worthy but he couldn’t fathom believing it himself. It was driving you crazy—that subtle confidence he was wearing now—self-assured in what you told him, holding your gaze like he was trying to spell it out for you; Make you realize he wanted to be himself for you.
Was it all in your head?
“Good,” you whisper back, your intention settling more in your movements than your words. You stepped towards him now, handing back the bowl for him to hang onto, dye covering your gloves.
His legs shift open—the slightest movement, timid reassurance—welcoming you in like you’ve always belonged somewhere slotted in between him. Arm in arm, fingers in fingers, legs between legs…
Knees brushed together as you hover over him, a breath catching at the back of your throat from the feeling.
It was new, how close you were— The way his inner thigh tickles your smooth skin even through the plush of his sweatpants and makes you burn like you were scorched by a searing sun.
You unnecessarily mix the dye around more, numb movements distracting from charged thoughts, averting his eyes like if he saw you for even a second he’d be able to hear the senseless desires bouncing around in your head— The ones saying all you wanted was to touch more of what you haven’t before. The ones saying hands weren’t enough, standing over him wasn’t enough, none of it was enough. You needed more, a carnal instinct you didn’t dare deny.
How much did you have to drink?
No, it wasn’t that, it couldn’t be that— Not when you’ve only had half a glass. Not when you were already drunk over the illicit game you played, quietly pushing the boundaries of what was, what remained. What could be, maybe one day, maybe never.
You wanted him. He wanted you— Did he want you? How could he after everything… Could you get fired for this?
No, you haven’t done anything. Not like you want to…
Did he know? How long have you been quiet for? What was he thinking about—
“This might be a little cold,” you murmur, your quiet warning heavy with fog like you’d completely forgotten how to speak in the seconds you stirred around in thought— The time that felt like an eternity.
You seriously needed to turn your thoughts off.
So you did, focusing on the way your hands laced around his golden hair, light from your previous misfortunes dulling upon contact. Dark seeps through every strand like desperate poison, like the life he missed having was being restored one tender touch at a time.
His chest rose and fell—soft and steady—deep pull of air every time you made contact. His eyes flutter shut a tad as you pull the dye through each strand, root to tip, covering him completely, your touch taking over in more ways than one.
“That feels good,” he mumbles through an exhale, like he’s been holding in praise for devout touch his whole life. Like it was finally meaningful now, the feeling of being cared for.
For caring back.
Your attention snaps back to reality when he says it, mind forced to finally be grounded again, reminding you where you really were, not just trapped inside the screaming fantasy in your head. The one that only grew the second you found him tonight, the second he let you in, the moment he asked you to stay— Carrying your baggage and all.
“Good,” you breathe, trying to mask the waver in your voice. “It looks good.”
He smiles at that, faint and pure and utterly devastating, just the smallest of movements wrecking you completely. Lids are still drawn shut—light and relaxed—a gentle push into each movement of your hands, so small you wondered if you were making it up in your head.
Was it all in your head?
When he opens his eyes and takes himself in through the vanity mirror over your shoulder, he bites at his lip and hesitates, soft blue eyes glimmering with a trace of worry and nose crinkled a tad.
“It’s, uh, does it—does it look kinda orange…?” He says it gently, like he shouldn’t be questioning a thing, like the wrong set of words strung together will make him lose you, make you run.
“Don’t worry it’ll tone down,” you reassure, working your way to the back, leaning over him to make sure you cover it completely. “I purposely picked a shade with a warm undertone so we don’t run the risk of your hair going green.”
His jaw falls slack and he snaps his eyes off his profile and up to you, chin tilting to fully take you in, your lips being all but a breath away.
“Green? What—What do you mean— Th-that can happen?”
Despite your best efforts to suppress it, an airy laugh escapes your lips and fans across his face, you ducking your head down into the crook of his neck at his panic only to be met with the intoxicating scent of chemicals and fresh laundry and him flooding your senses.
“Don’t worry,” you manage to say, laughing a bit harder now as his fingers find your forearm for no longer than a second, cutting you off with a worried huff and trace of a smile spreading across his lips at your giggles— The ones that were almost too close to his skin.
“I’m serious,” he levels with a clipped laugh, saying your name and trying to sound convincing but it was flushing out of his voice with each sound of yours. A medicine only you could prescribe. “I-I can’t go green, everyone will definitely hate that.”
You compose yourself and pull back to look at him now— Worry worn on his face, yet something reminiscent of ease flickering through when he sees your grounding stare. It was hard to not take his concern seriously— Not when he looked so effortlessly adorable, melting into a pool of a helpless mess at your fingertips. Who could blame you?
I’d like you no matter how you’d look, you think, pausing cautiously to enjoy one last moment of the crooked smile on his lips. One that said all he needed to.
Instead, you say, “It won't, I promise.”
“Pinky?” He raises an eyebrow and holds his pinky out to yours, a silent offering, only yours to take.
“Pinky,” you affirm, holding yours out to his without a second thought.
Then,
“Bob, no, wait—”
Before you could snatch your hand away he meets his skin to yours— Hot, firm grip wrapping around your finger, sure and steady against the cold, dye-covered black plastic of yours.
“This stuff stains,” you mumble, searching his expression for a reason as to why he did it.
He doesn’t answer at first, just pulls at the hem of your shirt—his shirt—billowing loosely at your side, suddenly bashful as he wipes the color clean off his skin to bleed into the fabric covering you.
“There,” he hums, the corner of his lip pulling into a proud smile at his good work for a fleeting second, then wiping it off like it said too much. “All better.”
You shake your head with a laugh under your breath at his dreamy stare, like he was screaming out something you just couldn’t quite hear yet.
“You ruined a perfectly good shirt for no reason.”
“I’d, uh… I’d say it was a pretty good reason.”
He says it like he just said something absurd— Like it was incomprehensible, the thread that stitched each word together and delivered them to you like an oath disguised as a letter. Like it was something ordinary, and yet, not at all.
If you didn’t take a second to walk yourself back in your mind, you might’ve done something stupid— Something like beg him to say what he really means. Something like just answering him by kissing him. Something like telling him you can’t hold back any longer, this feeling you were drowning in, unbearable.
But you keep it together, biting at the inside of your mouth and playfully rolling your eyes like it could mask the tension of that unsaid, responding with something reminiscent of a laugh as you pull his hair back into your hands where it belonged.
“C’mere, Reynolds,” you say with a smile, tenderly tracing alongside the edge of his hairline at his temple— A quiet promise in your touch. “We’re almost done.”
He mulls in the silence for a while, letting you feel him in your fingers like it was telling him more.
You rub your hands through him and he asks,
“How d’you know so much about all this?”
You smooth your hands from front to back.
“I don’t know. The printed instructions and a YouTube video or two… A lot of practice.”
You curl your fingertips at the nape of his neck.
“Practice?”
You run them through again.
“How do you think Valentina keeps that stupid stripe so perfectly silver?”
And again…
“Really? Wow.”
And again…
“Yup. Sometimes I don’t even think she could tie her shoes if I didn’t hold the laces for her.”
And again…
“I know it was you, by the way.”
You freeze.
Fingers release from his hair and you step back slightly, shifting under his gaze and studying him carefully— Trying to read between the lines woven on his face and focus on anything other than the spike in your heart rate or the tightness in your chest.
He said it calmly—smoothly, just like how you touched him—without a trace of malice or blame, only quiet intention.
You go to turn back to the sink but he stops you in your tracks, solid and warm hand grasped around you. It was insane how he held you so gently yet with so much power, so much purpose. Your eyes glance down, noting his fingers were wrapped around your wrist and not your hand, all like he avoided it— Like he was still so afraid to touch you, to go beyond with you again, but he needed contact.
He needed you to stay.
So you stopped, running your tongue over your teeth in thought before asking,
“What do you mean?”
It was said evenly, like all your confidence didn’t just crumble under the weight of your curious words. Like it didn’t just throw you for a loop and leave you a sputtering mess in your head.
But he read right through it. His gaze steadies you—grounds you—somehow walking you back from an invisible edge just by looking at you, all without saying a word yet.
“Who called— I… I know it was you who called Bucky.”
It was said with such certainty, a phrase harbouring something more honest than truth, a love letter delivered through pure intentions.
He let go of your wrist, a timid hint of fingertips against the racing of your pulse before he let it drop to your side. Wandering eyes try to meet your gaze, a whisper of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You immediately retreat, suddenly razor-focused on peeling the gloves off and discarding them into the sink, setting a timer on your phone and mulling in thought. Eventually, you turn to him, your back flush against his vanity, his stare still fixed to you and chilling your skin more than the cool granite.
Patience is what he granted you, biting gently at his lips that were drawn into a tight line now. Eyebrows wobbled ever so slightly into soft crescents as he watched you stir, like he was worried about the weight of the world on your shoulders. Like it was hurting him to see you taken aback.
And yet, still, patience.
“Bob, I…” You trail off, struggling to form a coherent sentence, a huff breaking through instead of more words lost in the shake of your voice. “That-that’s—”
“I know, it’s okay.” He cuts you off and before you could blink he was already moving across the tile and standing in front of you, wading in the wake of your shadow. Your body, an eclipse. His hands find refuge in his pockets, tucked away like that somehow makes him take up less space. Like it somehow makes his earnest confrontation less invasive, less emotionally charged.
It doesn’t.
“You were in there,” you whisper, voice cracking at the end as you try to blink back tears stinging the corners of your eyes, looking anywhere but at him, fingers picking at hangnails you created. “You were in that vault and I—and I—”
“And you called,” he reassures, steady voice countering your wavering one. Something new. With a touch as gentle as his breath fanning across your face, he tilts your chin up to him, finger lingering a whisper too long. “It doesn’t matter when it was. You called and I got out.”
His features were soft, taking you in like you were the only thing that mattered, like if he didn't study the shapes and swirls in your irises he no longer knew the purpose of living.
“Bob, you died.”
The hard truth hits the floor with a thud, yet the words were spoken so faintly you thought for a second maybe he didn’t hear them, maybe you spared him from acknowledging that gut-wrenching truth.
You were anticipating the worst— Ready for him to hate you, to yell at you, to force you to leave and to never want to speak to you again.
What you didn’t anticipate, however, was for him to break eye contact.
His stare flickers down to his hand instead, slowly reaching out to yours at your side until your palms are pressed together— A fragile anchor between people who don’t know how to say what they need to.
It was cautious, desperate yet restrained— No fingers intertwined, no firm grip, just the raw press of skin to skin, something certain for you to hold onto, just like the words he spoke.
And it felt like maybe you were the one who died and came back to life when his thumb brushed over yours—a tender, hesitant sweep—so gentle, so honest, his fingers a rope pulling you back from the depths you’ve fallen to.
It was like time stopped when he looked up again, shy and raw, a sneaking suspicion of unbearable intimacy daring to drag you under, rip you from your guilt-wracked reality and trap you in a dream beneath his grasp.
It was the kind of look that would leave you only to wander in your dreams after seeing it— One that would leave you wondering how to crave the unimaginable after getting a taste of his eyes.
“And now I’m alive,” he whispers, lips twitching upwards at the word ‘alive.’ “Now I have a reason to be.”
Your fingers flinch in his grasp, small and unsteady against him— Suddenly aware after the initial shock that he was holding your hand in a moment still tethered to this reality. You feel it for a split second, the flex in his fingers, like he’s weighing running again— Like he wasn’t yet believing he deserved to be holding onto someone. Like it wasn’t the feeling of you beneath him that made it dizzying, but the fact that you were letting him.
That you don’t pull away.
Glassy eyes dart back and forth between his, trying to decipher if you really just heard him flip your world upside down with a few simple words— If you really were holding him in a way you never thought possible, like maybe—for a split second—he needed it too.
Were you dreaming?
For a fleeting moment, his gaze slips down to uncharted waters, tracing the curve of your lips with a hesitant hunger. You barely dared to believe it’s real—convinced it was your imagination caving to your desires—before he abruptly clears his throat, the spell now broken.
“I-I have this new family,” he clarifies, but he doesn't stop looking at you like you weren’t completely insane for reading beyond what he was saying, for thinking that maybe—just maybe—he meant something else entirely. “I have this job… I have purpose— Or will eventually, at least. If you didn’t call when you did I maybe never would’ve gotten that chance. Maybe I never would’ve gotten out of… there.”
His voice cuts off, a short and sharp breath pulled into his lungs at the mention of it. You knew what he was alluding to, that sinister darkness that swallowed him whole and trapped him with no sign of release— A vault maybe worse than the physical one he escaped before.
You squeeze your eyes tightly at the reminder of what he went through.
“Why are you doing this?” you manage to ask, finding him studying you when you come back to your senses, your fingers stiffening against his for a beat before granting a subtle squeeze at his loose fingers, reminding him you were still tethered to him— Reminding him he’s still human and is allowed to crave the warmth of another.
A tinge of melancholy stains his wobbly smile, and he says, “Because I know what it’s like to only judge yourself on your worst mistakes.”
He hesitates for a second, soaking in your eyes that softened at his words, biting gingerly at his bottom lip, hanging on the moment like he wanted to say more— Like he had another reason he was trying to will himself to set free.
But he doesn’t.
Instead, his thumb brushes over yours again—slow, methodical—like he was learning every crease and every line.
It was intoxicating.
You never wanted him to stop.
“I just thought that maybe if I kept this job I could try to change her,” you admit, feeling exposed at your honesty— But you wanted him to know. You wanted to unravel yourself and lay every fractured piece at his feet. You wanted to give yourself away, like you were never really yours to begin with, only his.
“I thought maybe I could help become a real part of this team if I—”
He stops you, gaze heavy and dripping with something you couldn’t quite place. “You are a part of the team.”
You stared back at him, reveling in the electric energy coursing through your veins, flowing from his hand to yours, presence finding a missing piece in each other, like you both were a source of oxygen through the tender weight in the air. An addictive and alluring heaviness you couldn’t quite shake.
“I thought maybe I could work from the inside,” you continue, narrowing your eyes, teasing now— Desperate to escape the weight of your own soul. “Y’know, like black-ops or something…”
Only he didn’t laugh.
He didn’t even crack a smile or let a pulse of air drift from his lips. He just stared at you like he couldn’t turn away from something sacred, like he couldn’t let you do it either— Like you were wrapped in something more meaningful than life itself.
He waded in the pools of your eyes and flush of your skin like you were the only thing tethering him to linear time, like not even God himself could rip him from your grasp—from this moment—from the high he chased by clutching onto your skin— Something more addicting than any drug he’d ever been on.
It made your heart pound harder against your rib cage, a pull stirring deep at the pit of your stomach— A yearning awakening from restless sleep.
The only thing that mattered was your breathing— In time, parallel, humming in seductive silence together.
It’s a fever, bulletproof, impossible to break.
And then it happens again— That hesitant glance down at your lips like he was doing something unfathomable, like the way he chased the rosey flush of your pout was obscene.
For a second, you started to believe that maybe he could want this. Maybe he wanted this just as much as you. Maybe, somehow, he wanted it more…
Thin lips part open, but nothing comes out. So he tries again, voice thick and low with rasp. “I—”
Suddenly, the phone’s timer blares, sharply shattering the fragile silence with no remorse. The unwanted sound echoed off the tile, vibrating through every inch of skin and ripping you clean out of the moment— A feat you once thought impossible, now accomplished with ease.
His hand jerks back as if he was caught in the act of something forbidden, retreating with a sudden, awkward haste. You let out a sharp exhale, remembering how to breathe without him again and make quick work of silencing the deafening noise, wanting to scream at what it had ruined.
You had him.
For a second it felt like you honestly and truly had him.
And now he was gone.
“Guess you’re all done,” you say, not even recognizing your own voice anymore. Not when he was taking over your body, your mind. Your soul.
“Yeah,” he mumbles back, looking down at the tile— Far away now, in more ways than one.
The distance between you stretches, leaving you to freeze in the loss of his body heat hovering over yours— And yet still, the chill of his retreat is warmer than the company of anyone else in this world.
Something you never wanted to live without now.
You suddenly lost all your confidence—what little of it you had—struggling to do what comes next.
“Do you, uh, do you want to,” you stumble, gently gesturing to his shower, “or do you want me to—”
“No, I trust you,” he interrupts, silencing your words and worries with a shy smile, still looking down at the floor until he flicks his gaze up for a second— Something shy and innocent. “I-I want you to do it.”
And for a moment, it feels like even though he let you go, he was still holding onto you.
You feel it when you lead him back to the tub, having him sit down against the cool tile and lean his head back, waiting until the water runs warm out of the faucet in the tub.
You feel it when you take a second to watch him— The way his long neck stretches over the tub, the bump in his throat catching the dim glow of moody bathroom lights. His jaw is relaxed now—soft—a way you rarely see it, lips parted in a hazy, unguarded half-smile like it’s a reflex when you’re this close to him. Deeply dark, glossy hair hangs off the edge, a few thin strands clinging to his forehead. The same strands that slipped free when he waded over you against the sink— A piece of that moment, still pulsing. They hang on like they belong there, like they couldn’t resist their natural state.
You feel it when your fingers hover over his hair—a blink away—a breath until you meet him again. This certainly wasn’t your first time touching him… So why did this feel so different now?
And like he knew you were hesitant, knew you were wrestling yourself deep in the corner of your mind, fighting back against yourself— He touches you first.
It was slow, careful. Like he understood breaking that gap between you and him would break something else too. Something unspoken, something unaccounted for. Like every delicate touch was a vow exchanged, a promise to never stop, to allow yourselves the grace to give in.
You wanted to surrender.
Did he?
You don’t say a word, just let him gently guide your wrist down the rest of the way so your fingers could wade in his hair, the calloused heat and strength of his presence lingering for a second like he was fighting his brain's command to retreat. Like his fingers wanted to belong on top of your skin evermore.
When you reached over to test the heat of the water with your other hand, you could swear his face tilted up a fraction toward yours— Like gravity, a new and sudden pull always drawing him to center around you.
He watches you move.
Silent. Still.
Heavy-lidded eyes follow your body as you pull away, gaze thick with a look that reads as tangible desperation. Like he isn’t sure whether to be relaxed or wrecked by the moment. You can feel it humming under his skin, the pulse of something neither of you have had the courage to name. Something unmissable in the air, tension strung heavy like the room was holding its breath for you.
He exhales when you finally pull your fingers through him again, a jolt pulsing through the air— So quiet, so unsure, yet aching.
Haunted ocean eyes lull shut under the delicacy of your touch, your fingers beckoning him one motion at a time. Deep brown runs from his head like ink spilling over a perfect white page, all sense of direction lost in the bleeding of his former self.
You wash him back to life, tenderly, with deliberate pace, keeping yourself present by focusing on everything utterly and innately him. Long, intoxicating eyelashes flutter under your touch, trembling with a fragile, exchanged energy he didn’t dare to let falter. Soft pink lips drift open, imperceptibly— The gentle gap between them like nothing more than a faint and distant shadow. Stained beads of water cling to the edge of his forehead, down his brow bone, around his jaw, down his neck…
The water collects in your hands and flushes over strands of his hair, cascading over him like a veil. Fingers work through the thick, damp strands, massaging through his scalp with a tenderness that feels more like an admission than an action.
His head pushes into your touch again—honest and true—no longer testing the integrity of your mind that wondered if he craved you as much as you craved him. This time it was done undoubtedly.
The smell of cheap dye rises between you like a confession neither of you will say out loud. Not yet.
Like gravity draws you there, your fingers trace along his temple, rubbing free a messy drop of tinged water off his features, like you were wiping away the empty version of him you no longer knew.
He lets out a breath at the contact, soft and shaky, barely there. The corners of his mouth twitch like he was trying to conceal something that yearned to be set free.
His careful exhale hung off the edge of his lips and you were jealous of it— Jealous of the way something gets to live so impossibly close to the vulnerable and intimate parts of him. The gentle in and out, all like the complications you wrestled down deep inside.
The ones that questioned if you were worthy of indulging in him.
“This okay?” you murmur, voice small and cautious, a gentle hum craving to be reassured.
Cool and grounding blue of his eyes flutter to life at your voice, finding your gaze through the misted air, charged and heavy with sincerity.
“Yeah,” he says, his voice low and hoarse in a way that turns your stomach over— A reminder that he was real under your touch. “It’s… it’s better than okay,” he whispers, warming the air that’s run cold between you.
He says it delicately, a formidable prose, all like he was revealing something that was meant to be hidden, to be buried behind a calm tone rather than the intoxicating cadence of something worshipful.
You don’t say a word, taking your time to learn each strand like a lost language, sacred scripture, senseless desire.
Slowly, he’s painted back to himself.
Back to you.
Tainted conscience comes clean by your hands buried in him, molding him to your touch, inch by inch, second by second, until the stained trail circling the drain lightens to something clear and pure.
Renewed light whispers through the air, a steady rhythm of the running water, beading drips from loose tendrils— The sound, a severance of a soul from purgatory.
You lather his shampoo through the strands, something earnestly clean and simple filling the air, blending with the smell of chemicals and weighted intentions still chasing the drain.
You don’t mean to drag your fingertips a little slower, trying desperately to memorize the feeling of him tangled through you.
You don’t mean to press your palm against the curve of his neck when you chase away the suds left at the edge of his curls, his pulse a steady drum rattling through your hand.
You don’t mean to let your stare linger, the wet mess of himself suddenly the furthest thing from your mind now that you realized he was looking at you too.
But you do.
And neither of you dare to look away.
Electric tension evaporates any trace of air in your lungs. Neither of you breathe— A moment so delicate, you fear even a gentle exhale would break it.
He’s left to look up at you through familiar brown trusses framing his flushed face.
For a moment, divine intervention takes over— Your lips moving like flesh possessed by something ethereal, something by the grace of God, too earnest to name.
“You’re back,” you whisper, honey-sweet tone drenching your words.
Beat.
“You came back to me.”
You say it like a vow, like a prayer— And perhaps, this is how religions are made. The cheap dye that ran through your fingers and mingled with the water, the soap that rinsed it free, the whispered words and a devout touch— A confessional, an act of reconciliation. Atonement for your sins done onto him.
His voice cuts through like rolling thunder, like rain on your skin— Clinging and desperate and impossible to ignore. The words come out broken and exhausted, all like they had to crawl their way up his throat to fall from his lips.
“Maybe I never really left you.”
The faucet runs dry after you turn it off, silence stretching unfathomably far. The air between you thickens, heavy and muffled with the weight of almosts.
Impossibly, the city that never sleeps seems to have fallen into slumber the second your world caved to just him.
You should say something. Say anything. You should pull back, laugh it off, grab a towel and pretend this doesn’t mean what you both know it does. You should stop before you can’t turn back.
But you don’t.
Instead, you lean a little closer, your fingers trailing down the side of his neck, your thumb brushing over his pulse point as your hand cups his jaw, rubbing water into his skin like you can dry it beneath the heat of your touch— Through the heat of your skin, fused to his like it belongs.
His chest is fluttering faster, pulse a steady beat under the pad of your finger, reminding you this was real. You were really here with him— This is happening. Then his eyes fall down to your lips, and you start to feel dizzy again.
He pulls you back to reality when his lips rasp your name—something sure, something even—a pleading cadence trying to attach itself to you.
His hand comes up and catches the bend of your wrist gently, heavy fingers finding yours pressed against his neck, and you wonder, for a split second, if he was going to pull you away— If the call of your name was a warning and not a plea. Yet he holds you there, keeps you tethered to him, wiping away any doubts and insecurities you have with something more sure than words.
“I’m not going to stop you,” he murmurs, voice unhurried, lingering in the swelling silence, dancing with the steady beams of light flowing through the veins of the city beneath you.
It’s a promise, it’s a challenge… Maybe it’s both— A reverent ache granting you permission, begging you to take him up on an offer too holy to extend through anything other than an honest whisper.
The words get stuck between your teeth, careless fibers woven between the cavities and creating pressure against your tongue.
Warm water snakes from his neck down your wrist, staining your forearm, his wet form clinging to you, reminding you of what was just within your grasp. If you dared.
Instead, you mumble,
“I’ll get you a towel.”
It’s like you blacked out the second you say those words— The second you leave his body, hot and weighted and impatient against cool tile. It’s like your mind moves to autopilot, rummaging through a cabinet for a towel when he’s already right behind you, always a half a step ahead, grabbing what you seek from a towel rack right in front of you.
And it’s like you're brought back to life the second he holds the plush fabric out to you, heavy breath warming the back of your neck, a steady drip of water beading off the ends of his hanging hair and onto your shoulder, rejuvenating what was lost within you.
So you soak the towel in his hair, slowly, gently, all until it’s merely damp in your hands.
He watches you, silent worship, eyes roaming you like it was something sacred, completely unaware that you could sense the storm brewing beneath his gaze— The intention that boomed through his thoughts, carefully.
Quietly.
Fingers linger at the nape of his neck, the towel clutched between your grasp like it’s a lifeline— Something you could hold him through, but still a thin barrier between what you want and what you have.
It’s only then that you realize how long you’ve just been holding him.
Legs clung so closely they were basically between each other. Chests, heaving heavy with the weight of all that was quietly exchanged and pulsing between you. His eyes— Melted and wrecked and never leaving yours, so completely and utterly new.
Like if he blinked, he’d miss it.
You tear your lingering gaze from the nape of his neck—his messy, tangled curls—and notice instead the way his hands ghost over the curve of your waist, caving and bending in the wake of your skin. Close, but not close enough. Like if he touched you, you’d vanish.
He notices too, eyes dipping down to his own cautious limbs, breath catching just enough that you could hear it and all it held.
“Bob…” you whisper, an aching plea—something between a question and a statement—almost too dazed and lost to know if you were really speaking or just beckoning him only in your mind.
He swallows, thick and heavy, throat bobbing just at your eyeline, body wrestling with his mind— His familiar state.
Slowly, he retracts his fingers from your space, gone in a heartbeat, cruelly, like they were never even there.
They drum at his side, restless movement like he’s trying to break free of an invisible weight.
“I keep…” he exhales sharply, like the words hurt to admit, and rubs trembling fingers hard across his face. “I keep thinking if I touch you now, I’m gonna screw it up…”
His confession comes weakly, weighted words faltering— Too afraid to hold all of their worth. An admittance, in some way, of what you both wanted, but have spent so long avoiding.
A religious routine you didn’t dare disturb.
The end of his words trail off and get lost in the space around you, eyes that were so suddenly sure of holding yours, lost again and looking anywhere else.
He said it so cautiously, like they were damned letters too broken to string together, too haunted to bring to fruition.
Little did he know, you felt the same exact way— But he doesn’t need that from you.
Neither of you do.
So instead, you let your hand reach out, achingly slow, like there was lead in your fingertips instead of flesh and blood that were all beating for him. Chills shoot through your body as you graze them along his forearm, a gentle up and down, barely moving yet purposeful— A steady movement mimicking his breath that quickened at the contact.
Up.
You trace the curve of his body with your eyes, free hand carefully tilting his chin off of the floor and up to look at you.
Down.
You linger there a second too long, shifting your gaze down at his lips and away in the blink of an eye.
You stop.
Your voice cuts through, a gravel thick with honesty as you say just above a whisper, “I don’t think that’s possible.”
And there it was, suspended in electric air between you, hanging in the open. Waiting. Watching.
A devout invitation to stop pretending you didn’t feel what you did.
And that was all it took.
The hesitation that was rooted in rotten, wild insecurity burns off like fog in pure sunlight. The world narrows down to this, to him. To the way you’re both still terrified, but no longer running.
You don’t know who moved first.
Maybe it’s been happening for hours, days, months— All in fractions of time since the moment you met him, a subtle shift, your orbit changing direction, slowly, yet all at once.
Hesitant fingers brush the fabric of the shirt clinging to your upper thigh, pausing for a split second before finding their home against your skin, a sacred pull of his hands up your body. He pauses at the dip of your shoulder then caresses your collarbone that pokes through the slope of the fabric.
It wasn’t fast, it wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t hard or demanding, but an aching yearn bleeding through every cell of his body. A desperation that grew the longer that he lived in a world where his flesh wasn't connected to yours.
Your eyes flutter shut for a breath and you can’t help but wonder if he’s actually set your body on fire with his patient touch, a miracle granted from a god himself— Somehow, worshiping you.
A simple touch of a body that burned for him.
His other hand found its way to your lips, controlled strength of his thumb tracing the top of your lip and down your cupid's bow like he was saying a prayer to something otherworldly. To something devout.
You’re so caught up in it you don’t even realize how close he is now, finally leaning into the confidence you offered him.
The crisp blue of his eyes melt to a deep and desperate cerulean when he looks at you— Every ache and desire flickering behind his gaze. They find the flush of your lips and settle there, unmistakably this time, wading in the wake of their shadow as his thumb stills against you.
Slowly, he slips his other hand up to cup your cheek, featherlight touch cradling the curve of your jaw and skin that’s gone remarkably red. He holds you in the same way his words do— Like you were the only thing tethering him to this reality. Like if he gripped you too hard you’d vanish beneath his grasp and he’d lose himself with you.
Like you were suddenly the only thing keeping him alive.
And like he’s already wasted all the time in the world, he closes the gap, breath whispering across your lips as he takes them into his— Delicate, questioning. Like his only mission in the world was to make you melt into him and question the matter you were made of.
The kiss was gentle, tentative— An exhale of all you held onto as his lips meet yours, a pleading cry to let yourselves get lost in each other, at last, once and for all. Finally achieving salvation through the trembling of your skin introduced to the newfound certainty of his.
He was soft, careful, but totally and undoubtedly yours.
Your lips stay pressed together for a fraction of a second that felt like a lifetime, pure and aching touch— A thirst you never quite realized would ever be quenched until he starts to move his mouth around yours, cautiously exploring the plush skin of your lips sealed to his.
Your hand clutches the cuff of his t-shirt sleeve, like gripping onto him would somehow make this moment more real— Your mind in overdrive as you begin to kiss him back.
It was racing almost feverishly, pounding with a million conflicting thoughts and screaming sensations. He made it all go quiet—just for a minute—but it was starting to flood back again: doubts and insecurities and a nagging, incessant voice that still taunted,
This is just a moment.
This is just because you’re here.
Even the taste of you doesn’t wash away what you’re trying to rid yourself of.
You try to wrestle it down, focusing on the way he gently parted your mouth open and slipped your bottom lip between his, a reverent and sensual pull at your flesh— Pulling you back to him, back from what tried to dull the dizzy stars in your eyes from the way he kissed you like you were the oxygen that filled his lungs and kept his heart beating.
His hands that cupped your face roamed shamelessly, one still anchored and tracing your jaw, the other sliding across your cheekbone before brushing hair out of your face and down to cradle the back of your head.
Now it was him who made a living in your hair— Rough knuckles tangled in the nape of your neck, raking through the strands and discovering more of what he’s never felt before.
His hands against your skin weren’t greedy, weren’t possessive— They were catharsis incarnate. A living, breathing exorcism of somber restraint, as if the whole city might collapse if he didn’t hold you.
It was a quiet surrender to the hollow kind of ache neither of you could bear to carry alone anymore.
When you let both your hands slide up his arms, fingers wrapping around the curves of his muscle until they settle on his shoulders, he’s drawn to the small of your back like a magnet. Like you touching him back even in the smallest of ways was monumental. Like it was dusting off what he knew of intimate actions. Like it was permission for him to allow himself to have this— To have you.
He brings you in closer, the press of his palm flush against the small of your back like a weight. Your bodies fused together, chests thumping in time, a screaming heartbeat in your ear so loud you were deprived of the sweet sounds he made.
Like the frantic prose of his breath against you.
Like the shudder he let slip when both your hands wandered further up to explore his neck and jawline, fingers tracing every inch.
Or the just barely audible whine that curled in the air around you before he finally speaks again— Noses brushing, bodies heaving and fingers lost in discovering one another. The gift of something new.
“You’re thinking,” he whispers, lips pulling apart from yours with hesitancy, body reeling you in somehow closer to make up from the sliver of space that lives between you now, all like he was afraid you’ll disappear there. His voice was heavy, deep— The sound of a shameless crave wrapping around each letter he let slip.
It was making you dizzy— The way he somehow managed to read between what your body is doing and your mind is raking through underneath the surface.
The subtle disconnect you’d never want him to feel, yet he did.
“So are you,” you murmur, not strong enough to resist flipping his question back on him instead of answering it yourself. “What’re you thinking about?”
For once, he answers with no hesitancy—for a fleeting moment—no longer fearing the insecurity of his own mind and its integrity.
“Just how much I want this,” he breathes, honest and true, weighted words dancing across your skin and making it shiver with chills. He lets the hand in your hair fall so he can clutch the bottom hem of your t-shirt, his t-shirt, hugging your body. “About how much I want you.”
He takes you in— A deep, desperate gaze, all like he needed you to believe it in order to survive. And when he does, something shifts. It doesn’t break open inside you, it doesn’t crash, or crack, or splinter.
It’s an unexpected bend, your soul finding his and staying.
Your self-sabotage is suffocated— The one that whispers this is being done out of haste, out of palpable lust and loaded feelings you projected onto him. No, you scold yourself. This is the realest thing you’ve ever had.
So you connect again with urgency, letting yourself fall into him and return your lips to his— The place you wanted to belong forever after getting a taste. Your hands run up his neck with a tender pressure until they reach his hair, instinctively closing around the damp curls at the nape of his neck, helping press him into you again.
A sharp exhale gets caught in the back of your throat at the feeling, his lips rapidly picking up the pace against yours— Kissing you back. It still wasn’t rushed, or messy or careless, but the kind of frantic burn that scorns through sensual and desperate touch.
Like you’d never get enough of each other.
His thumb grazes at the hem of your shirt before snaking its way up at the side of your rib cage, helping pull you into him the same way his lips are. The other is still splayed on the small of your back, rubbing tentatively— A gentle vow, each movement making your head spin and your knees uneasy as they begin to tangle with his from the breached space.
His movements become more sure, the power behind his touch no longer grounding but pleading— Soft sounds and labored breathing daring to drag you into a reality where only this mattered.
The weight of him pressed to you felt right, like a prophecy you let haunt you was finally being fulfilled.
You, merely an extension of him, and him of you.
Damp curls thread through your fingers like an anchor as he holds you tighter, intensity building behind his body— Crashing and hungry and worshipful all at once. It was hardly your first time raking your fingers through his hair but now they moved like they believed they belonged there, no longer like they were asking.
He pushes it further— His mouth angling to take you in more, noses carrying frantic and heavy breaths as they bump together, your tongue eventually finding its way to his like it's something you’ve done a million times.
His breath shuddered against you— Vibration sending shockwaves through your body.
Legs tangled, bodies twisted, trying to invent new ways to be closer together right where you belonged.
Then you’re moving— Grabbing harder on his neck to pull him with you, messily stumbling back toward the doorway until your back rests flush and heaving against the cool paneling of the wall.
You leaned into it, pressure of his hands finding that sweet spot right above your waist, gentle and honest pull until your hips were flush against his, thumb circling slow and steady at the dip of your skin and bone.
You feel it for a fleeting second— His fingers twitching against you before one hand slips further down, cupping the crest of your waist, your hip, your thigh…
His body betrays him, the questioning flicker of doubt pulsing through the flex of his fingers as they finally rest around the curve of your ass. It was like he was journaling every reaction you had, every careful movement that was flushed out with delicate intentions to know more of you.
His lips pull apart just barely, forehead resting against yours, and asks,
“This okay?” It comes out with a pant, his ehale warming the inside of your mouth that hangs slightly open trying to catch your breath, lips still clinging against yours as he speaks. The question broke apart as it’s asked— Frayed at the edges, all like he was scared to think he might’ve pushed a non-existent line too far and too fast.
You nod, peppering the gentlest of kisses at the corner of his mouth and around his jaw, selfishly hungry and not wanting to stop like you were now addicted.
He’s wrecking you— You shamelessly basking in the broken gasp that breaks across your skin when you push into his hold with something more weighted than that of your body.
“More than okay,” you mumble into his skin, smiling on his mouth as you get to return the words he assured you with in the tub.
Then something stoic washes over him, glowing like his skin in the haze of steam and city ambience that cuts through the deep of the night. He bites at the edge of his lip, his mouth twitching like he was cursing himself— Like he was afraid, like he was about to be vulnerable for the first time with you. Like his hand wasn’t currently pressed deep into the curve of your ass and cradling you through sensual, electric tension.
“Is this real?”
The vulnerable cadence of his words gets swallowed into the silence, only the twin beat of your hearts and ravenous breath hanging in the air with the question. It’s asked with disbelief and careful wonder and something reminiscent of awe basking in your presence.
And you knew what he meant immediately, like you’ve lived inside his head forever. Like he was the better side of a coin you shared.
You know he asks it because he knows the feeling of living in something of an illusion all too well. The feeling of questioning the integrity of every breath he took— Of everything he touched, or more so, didn’t.
So you do something that shatters the hesitancy in him, shaky breath, an exhale— Your promise to him.
You pull one of his anchoring hands off your waist and into yours, softly, delicately—no trembling, no hesitation this time—the most honest thing you’ve ever done.
His brows knit and he pulls back just enough to watch you do it like it was grounding him from losing control. Like you were creating gravity for him.
His breath hitches in disbelief as your fingers thread together—in the easy, certain way you give him what he was too terrified to ask for—hollow hands whole again once wound in each other.
And for the first time, there’s no flinch. No retreat.
The city’s heartbeat beneath you softens, booms lower, quieter— A romantic rhythm in tandem with yours, like it was alive for you.
Alive with you.
Fingers squeeze around his— Tight, knowing, sure. You don’t want him to be mistaken as you touch him there, in a place you both avoided, knowing it holds a weight heavier than the breaking of all unsaid.
Eventually, his grip matches yours; slow, reverent. His thumb brushes over yours, unwavering this time. There’s no flex like he’s weighing running, no hesitation like he can’t believe he’s allowed— Only certainty.
You let him be present in this universe with you. Nowhere else. No other time or memory or false feeling.
Just here.
Your confessions to him lay naked and bare in the wake of his grasp, no presence feeding off the stained parts of your soul and dragging him away into a place where time lost all meaning. But instead, it loses all meaning here.
Because for once when his hand touches another, time doesn’t shrink or fall still or cower— It expands.
It evolves.
It grows and moves forward. It feels right— An exchanged commitment to one another in the shape of skin that caves to each other.
A vow that bends linear time.
You didn’t have to answer his question with words, just your reverent touch he clung onto like you were the answer to all he lost in the fabric of this reality— Like if he let you go his soul will lose its center of gravity.
He lets out a huff in utter disbelief, pure wonder, the mesmerising and magical cadence of something real.
And he moves like fire when you whisper against the shell of his ear,
“Keep showing me how real it really is.”
Your delicate command gets lost in the sounds of him moving back to how he held you before—pushing you into the wall harder—his mouth crashing into yours with passion and desperation. It swallows the sweet gasp you make as he leaves whatever soft and tentative actions he wore on the forefront behind him, abandoned on the floor of that bathroom that glowed from the fever of your aching touch.
Fingers fly free of your hand and rope through your hair, guiding your face to kiss him deeper. And you do.
His other hand squeezes into the curve of your ass he grips onto, mimicking the way his lips shape around yours— Gentle pull dancing with dizzying pressure with every press at your skin. Then you hook your leg around his thigh, helping him push into you more.
Even then, his fingers danced like your flesh was burning him, roaming with feverish intent, never lingering too long in one spot. They’re everywhere and anywhere he could reach.
They press flush to your waist, trail up your tummy and follow the gentle curve of your ribs. They live in the marrow of bones that carved your shoulders and neck in sacred city lights, tracing your jaw until he replaces his touch with his mouth, fingers tracing your hair out of his way like it was an act of penance.
You hold his middle, a breathless run of your fingertips on his chest— The same kind of breathless like the sigh that leaves your lips when he bites gently on your neck, like he’s electrocuting every nerve ending in your body with reverent praise.
Every contraction and flex of otherworldly muscle pulses under your touch, your hands skimming the surface until you slip them under and melt your curious touch into the vast expanse of his body— Skin on skin.
He groans at the sensation of you touching him now without a thin cotton barrier— Soft and pleading and thanking you with the religious pull of his lips on your neck. The mark is dusted with an honest kiss before he finds your mouth again, the sweet taste of cherry candies and deep red wine and something unmistakably him flooding all your senses utill you couldn’t bear to imagine anything else.
For a split second, your legs wobble from the sensation—like you were becoming drunk off the taste of his mouth on you—but he steadies you, gripping the hand that held you up more firmly against your skin, forearm anchoring the underside of your upper leg that wrapped around him.
“I got you,” he murmurs, so faint in between deep and lustful kisses you couldn’t tell if it was real or not.
He holds you like you were nothing more than the air he breathes— Like it was the easiest and most natural state for him to dwell in. It’s done delicately, fingers careful against your skin like you would break from one wrong touch. He holds you with devotion, something sure and unmistakable in the pressure of his body against yours.
Once he feels you stable yourself, the fingers holding your thigh travel up along your spine and under your shirt. They find the center of your back and rest along your bra, careful, alert, meticulous. They snake around the strap, a gentle pull and play around the stretch of the elastic. It wasn’t rushed or possessive, but grounding— Honest and pure intention breaking free to only leave his questioning fingers tracing another part of you locked away from him.
Your mind is screaming for him to take the leap, so loud and hungry you almost wondered if he could hear what's trapped inside your skull when his fingers find the clasp and fiddle with the latch— Something of a questioning hum or mumble of “can I” lost in the careful mangle of his fingers.
He focuses harder, his lips stilling against yours slightly until you reach a hand off his chest and over his frustrated fingers behind you, guiding him with ease to pop the clasp open and give more of yourself to him.
He steers the garment free and it falls to the floor, tangling with your feet.
They move around it, suddenly walking backwards like second nature as he guides you off the door frame and into his room.
His mouth and tongue still meet yours without skipping a beat. His hands, large and wild and lazy, leading you into something new with him.
The hand tangled in your hair clings to the base of your neck—gently—listening to the cadence of your pulse and ghosting over the sensitive mark he left blooming against the plush of your skin.
The fingers that splayed around your jaw rub and trace along the shadow of your cheekbone in the moody glow of his abandoned room coming back to life once you were in it.
The other guides you back, slipping out from under your shirt and finally exploring the side of your ribcage now free of everything other than the clothes of his you wore.
You moan into the haze of his personal space as you press into his mouth deeper, hands trailing up and pushing gently on his neck and head to help him give you what you needed.
It’s a successful endeavor until you imperceptibly tug on his hair, causing him to lean his head back for a breath and match the sounds you made— Something shameless and broken and desperate cracking between each messy motion toward his bed together.
He’s all over you— Like watercolors on stale paper, like fog clinging to shadows. Like doubt disguised as deliverance.
His confidence grows steadily with every leading step— His teeth clinging gently at the bottom of your lip making you sigh into every touch, all while simultaneously and haphazardly kicking random things out of your path— Like the damp towel that got tangled at his feet and dragged a few steps or your discarded shoes you stumble over.
You let out a tiny sound of pain as you stepped on the sharp, pointed heel, and though you didn’t really notice or care—considering you were currently under a spell from his mouth—Bob did.
He lets out a taut puff of air through his nose against your upper lip as he continues to kiss you and waves his hand casually, a sudden bang of the hazard in question crashing with undeniable force into his desk and knocking over the chair, your ragged movements coming to a screeching stop at the realization.
He looked over his shoulder, chest rising and falling quickly, your gaze settling right past him and at the shoes— Now scuffed and torn apart. One of the stiletto heels is broken in half from the impact, making your mouth fall slack in shock at his casual power.
A red flush sweeps over his skin—even more so now—and paints the soft porcelain of his skin from ears down past his neck and under his t-shirt. He blinks steadily, looking back and forth between you and the mess behind him, mouth desperately trying to spit out words.
“I-I, shit, I’m so sorry,” he says, voice still raspy and heavy from the taste of you on his tongue. “I didn’t mean to do that, I’ll— I’ll buy you new ones, I—”
You cut him off with another kiss, helplessly giggling at the way you could feel his brain short-circuiting underneath you, instantly moving to hold you again and kiss you back— But with hesitancy as his mind tried to catch up with the instinct now settled in his bones.
“I don’t care. It’ll go on my work card,” you mumbled in between kisses and continuing to pull him backwards again— Into you and back on track to your destination. “Comes with the job,” you continue, caressing his tangled hair out of his face and behind his ears. “Common business expense.”
He snorts at that— Real, genuine laugh under his breath that vibrates through every cell in your body as it breaks through his starving movements against your skin.
“Field work,” he adds, smiling against your lips until he finds your ear and kisses gently below it— Nose nudging your hair, breath tickling your skin, all of it making you melt. “Some crazy enhanced got too handsy with you.”
“The only thing crazy about it is saying he’s too handsy,” you tease coyly, head tilting back, breath quickening. He’s kissing your ear, your jaw, your neck…
You sigh earnestly at his touch, halting once the back of your knees finally meet the side of his bed.
When he pulls away, your eyes flutter open to take him in and he’s breathtaking.
Soft, supple waves blur at the edges, lined lightly in soft, golden light from the bathroom still pulsing behind him. The harsh contrast of the nightswept city flickers with life like the heartbeat you could see in his eyes when he looked at you— Wide and blissful and utterly dazed in your presence. They soaked in the cool blue hue of skyscraper haze and melted into something sacred. His thin lips are fuller now, softly parted and swollen, slicked over with evidence of you all over them— Bright pink flush matching the familiar warmth settling over his skin, his cheeks only reddening as you study him religiously.
Out of all the ways you watched him blush tonight, this was your favorite. Easily.
You could hear it thrumming in every corner of the room now— His soul, his heartbeat, all an extension of him you now waded in.
It was pressed between the pages of the books that littered his shelves. It was bouncing off the walls in his room that darkness clung to. It was living, breathing in the floorboards that cushioned your feet and held you afloat— The pure and perfect vulnerability of him, his molten honesty, echoing through everything he touched.
Echoing through you.
Your next moves are slow— More careful and intentional now than the frenzy you let yourself get lost in before has eased. Fingers slip down to the hem of his shirt, electric and alive like sparks when you gently hold it and feel his skin underneath. Like you weren’t just all over him before.
They toy with the hem gently in waiting question— The smooth cotton flowing against your touch, your eyes on his, burning with something stronger. Hungrier.
Lips part slightly to do it—to ask—but he beats you to it. His hand finds yours, a gentle rub at your thumb, before he helps you guide his shirt off. It's a slow, aching travel up his body, neckline catching and somehow further messing his tangled waves once it pulls over his head and falls to the floor.
You try not to stare— You really try not to, but god, you can’t help it. How could you?
He was somehow more defined than you ever could’ve imagined, muscle carved through every fiber of his being like he could break you in half with a pinch. He was so gentle, so cautious— So over-calculated and constantly over-thinking, like he was always one step away from curling in on himself and inventing a new way to manipulate matter into sucking his body into a black hole.
You could feel it brimming behind him still, that unshakable urge to try and hide himself somehow, like his body—this remarkable temple for his soul—was somehow unworthy of existing. Like he didn’t deserve to be observed or watched. Like he was meant to be lost and forgotten about with other unloved things that stilled under the haunted dust of this building.
But when he stood in front of you like this—like he had a reason for simply being—it was the complete opposite.
It was evident in the way he looked at you now— Stable, sure, an aching crave of you smothering any small flicker behind his eyes that tried to catch into a flame of doubt.
You wouldn’t let it.
He swallows hard, like he’s pushing down the urge to run again, then moves.
Slowly, rough and secure hands guide your fingers back to his skin, curves of his muscle heavy under you like stone, expanse of his chest and arms and abs dusted with freckles and marks— Millions of them, all waiting to be brought to life by your hands.
You drift them along, taking him in, all until your palm rests over his heart, the frantic rhythm of something reverent under your fingertips.
Something you know beats for you.
Eventually, you break the silence, voice low and honest as you say, “You’re incredible.” You say it like you were in disbelief— And that’s because you were.
He smiles—crooked, wobbly joy etched into his lips—and shifts under your gaze, like he wasn’t used to the praise. Especially when you meant it, truly. Wholeheartedly.
He comes closer, heaving chest rising and falling against yours now and ghosts the edge of his face against yours.
A hand brushes wisps of your hair from your eyes, forehead resting gently along yours until your noses are touching. Until you could feel his eyelashes fluttering against your brow bone and the swell of his lips— Holy, like they were swollen from the mere thought of you until they touch yours again.
He slots his lips into yours with a gentle and breathless sigh, free hand cradling the bend of your elbow in his palm.
“So are you,” he murmurs into your mouth, the low and sultry tone vibrating every nerve ending like a tuning fork striking through your body, your cells and soul all singing the ethereal tune of his praise for you. “So perfect.”
Carefully, he guides you back— Slowly, sensually sitting you on the bed beneath him, his body caging you in and hovering just a heartbeat away. His lips whisper against yours as he leans down, melting right back into a deep and methodical kiss like he never left, the weight of his body helping ease you back onto the mattress.
He’s slotted between you like a lost key now returned. One arm presses into the bed parallel to your shoulder, propping himself up to ghost the slope of your body. The other loosely trails up the rest of your arm until he’s cupping your cheek, rubbing aimless circles into the flush of your skin and holding you like he was holding the world.
The undeniable weight of his built frame clings just above you, enough contact to wrinkle your shirt and send a set of shivers up your spine as you imagine having him fully against you.
So you do just that, grabbing the back of his shoulders and easing him onto you— Back where he belongs.
He was reluctant, still holding back like he was afraid of crushing you beneath him, but he relaxes as soon as you work your hands up his shoulder blades and into his hair, pulling him into you with a low and sultry moan— Reminding him how desperately you craved to be kissed as deeply as he could bear.
Lips part your mouth open for him, his tongue gently tickling the tip of yours before he pushes it further, sliding it flush against yours and making a living in the heat of your mouth. The groan he makes when you let him gets caught low in the back of his throat that is already bitten radiant red from your kisses.
You smooth your hands over every inch of his neck, his shoulders— Anywhere you could reach, really. Restless fingers tentatively wrap around the sculpt and flex of his arms, applying more pressure to match the weight he was kissing your mouth with. The way you were kissing him back.
His lips are soft—thin like the boundaries between you now—plush and aching and reverent search against yours like he’d find his will to live there.
He was rewriting everything broken in you— Every trace of guilt replaced with the honorable trace of his fingers along your skin, every mumble no longer shy or cautious but words overwhelmed with hunger or a vibration against your body.
Every memory of him in a sheen of sweat in a bed that once haunted you, rewritten in real time as it adorns his skin from being pressed against you— Moving, exploring, changing what it means to remember him on a mattress once he’s with you.
No one else.
Like it’s second nature, he rubs at a spot on the side of your upper neck that makes your toes curl and your core coil with striking heat. It’s a sensitive curve just on the underside of your jaw littered in shadows, aching to give itself to him. He kisses at it with an urgency that makes you gasp louder beneath him— A proud smile flickering on his lips and across your skin for a split second, clearly amused at how he was already learning your body so incredibly well.
Your hand flies up to his hair, pulling him in with a gentle tug to apply more pressure, both of you reveling in a weighted and shaky moan from the way you wanted each other more.
Rough and sturdy palm on his hand finds refuge in the dip of your side, free to roam now that his mouth did that for him on your jaw. It snakes down until it hits your hip bone under your shirt, a careful yet intentful press of his fingers just below your ribs.
When you hum in approval—too busy turning your neck from the pressure of his mouth and meeting your impatient lips to pepper kisses along the pulse point on his wrist that steadied him above you— he slips his hand up the fabric.
His fingers trail achingly slowly against your skin, rewarded by the anticipating squirm and roll of your body into his touch until they find the beginning swell of your breast. The sensation makes you dizzy, your eyes fluttering to life at the contact and you could swear the room was being lit up with fireworks from the flickering lights that danced above you.
You should probably be acknowledging the abnormal sight of it, but, selfishly, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.
Not when each suction of his lips was rewriting your brain chemistry or when he was absentmindedly pressing his wrist firmer against your kiss. Not when was working your breast with more confidence now that made you shudder like you were saying a prayer. Not when the undeniable pull of his presence was making your body shamelessly lift from the mattress for a fleeting second to push deeper into his.
Definitely not when he did it too.
Impatient flush of your lips craves his, so both your hands find his face, still buried and busy in your neck, and pull him up to you— Both your thumbs rubbing gently just under the restless flutter of his closed lashes as you guide his mouth back to yours—back where it belongs—and he kisses you like he’s never going to let you go.
The movement, the pressure— The combination of his mouth deepening against yours, his tongue warm and tangling around yours. The scrape of calloused and heavy hands against the sensitive skin of your breasts, the smooth of his hair tracing along your forehead and your cheeks make you melt into something for him to piece back together and bring back to life.
Every heavier touch was balanced with something softer—more delicate—like a light pepper of a kiss pressed to the place his face would hover when one of you needed to catch your breath. Or the whisper of his fingertips tracing the slope of your breast after you’d feel sensitive peaks forming under his feverish touch.
Each moment was like a love letter, a language— Checking in with you, asking you, talking to you without words. It was thanking you and reminding you through it all, the type of man you were really here with under the heavy tension of a Watchtower bedroom.
A suspended moment trapped in a city that never sleeps that has fallen into slumber when compared to the energy of your body meeting his.
You do it back, slipping a hand free from the slight stubble poking through his face and back to dance along his fist that propped him up above you. It’s needy now, the way your fingers whisper against his skin, pleading to let you in again.
They do— Finding yours immediately and threading together like they were once forged to be one.
His other hand works like honey over your chest, fingers rubbing and palming deeper against your sensitive skin until you’re moaning just a hair louder under his reverent mouth— Growing restless as you drown in all the ways you want more of him.
He reads you, one of his legs slipping free from between yours, and he braces the outside of your thigh until you feel every inch of him— Every pulsing, screaming piece of him flush against you.
The pounding of your hearts are loud, heavy— Completely in sync all like the rest of you, labored breath shallowing at how hard you were both working to find new ways to be closer like this was the only chance you’d ever get.
A sharp, sudden puff of air fanned against your mouth—his exhale cutting—when your hips gently rock up against him.
Just once.
It’s quick, it’s fast—it’s barely even a movement at all—but the way he reacts is like you’ve electrocuted all his nerve endings until they were scorched— On fire, burning like the desire washing over his body and flooding your veins.
He uses the leg that’s still between you to slip up until the weight of his thigh is resting against the fabric of your underwear, covering the part where you needed him most. A breathless and raspy ‘god’ floods his mouth when he does and falls across your skin.
Every sound, every touch, every increase in palpable pressure all fans the flames you swore you’d never feed. A spreading burn you didn’t dare deny any longer.
Now it’s you who’s gasping— Biting down gently on his lip for a moment at the shift in pressure. The hand that wasn't tangled between yours flies from your chest down to the curve of your thigh, pressing with a new buzz of force and desperately anchoring you to him with a steady and sure palm— A signal for you to continue.
It’s a bit harder this time, your move against him. A sleek and steady leg hooks around the back of his, pulling him in as you do it, your body shamelessly arching off the dip of his mattress beneath you.
His hand that grips onto yours flexes tighter at the movement, pressure leaving every line of his fingertips pressed into you— Like all his molecules and matter were being fed into this one moment.
Like it was inevitable—incontestable—the way your body was carved to be connected to his.
Lips break apart from yours imperceptibly, his gaze holding yours— Something desperate drenched in desire and worship, something unfathomable. Something more intimate than any caress of your body, a fever flickering in a faint trace of pale gold lining the edge of his iris, staining the holy blue.
Then he moves too, undeniably craving you and rolling down into your leg he’s braced over, both of you gasping like the air has thinned from the tension pulsing through the room— The tension of your bodies and their desire for more friction, lips moving around yours again like they knew nothing else.
And when it happens again, you both do it at the same time.
Then your name falls from his lips through a breathless and aching plea— A reverent and holy prayer that makes you both freeze, suddenly bringing you back to Earth and realizing just how far you were about to take this.
Just how far you were both willing—wanting—to go.
His fingers twitch against yours from the reluctance to pull apart, so you squeeze them and carefully drag your lips across his in an achingly slow comedown. You rest against his lips until he frees them— Heavy breath cooling the flesh he made hot for him.
Your mind is whirling, reluctantly coming back to life and processing all that’s happening— Trying desperately to will yourself into opening your eyes and saying what you have to.
When you do, he’s not looking at you anymore, just clinging like a shadow. His head hangs heavy in the wake of your neck, heat washing over you from his presence that was still slotted against you like it was made for only that purpose.
You move first, free hand coaxing through his curls and tucking stray away locks that cascaded down his forehead so you could see more of him. His hair is still damp, only no longer from the water you bathed him in, but rather in the evidence of your intimacy collecting on him like dew on a morning field.
His breathing against your chest slows to a more natural pace, but the cadence of his exhale is still frantic— A sharp and staccato dance across your collarbone, calling out to you.
You’re about to say it— Break the silence and face the reality of what you both waded in. But he does it again, remarkably, reading you in places you didn’t even know you were speaking from.
You’d start to believe mind reading was a part of his powers, but if that were true, this wouldn’t be the first time his body claimed yours.
You wouldn’t be stopping.
When he speaks it’s broken, breathless— Barely above a whisper, voice wrecked with the ruin of what he was letting slip through his fingers.
“We shouldn’t.”
You know he’s right—you were thinking the same thing—but hurt still flashes through your chest like a pinched nerve— Something heavy, the pressure of what you wanted and what you couldn’t have swelling to life under the reality of his words.
The sentence pricks across your ears like glass on sensitive skin, but you still say, “I know.” And you say it honestly.
You mean it.
It’s like he doesn’t hear you, slowly lifting his gaze to look at you. When he does, something breaks.
It’s raw and vulnerable— It’s a look that carries an undeniable weight like lead in the depths of his eyes, wide and calling out to yours. They’re glossed over, all like the rest of him, shimmering in the afterglow of something too holy to name— To shake free of, even if you tried.
All the confidence he once wore breaks free of him in an instant as he tries to let you down easy, all like you didn’t just agree with him. Like you weren’t on the same page already.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he croaks, the pressure of his hand against your thigh easing slightly. “I do, I really do just… not like this.”
You’re about to agree but he keeps going, shifting under your gaze and about to recoil his body off of yours like it was unwanted now— Like you weren’t still intertwined in his fingers, like you didn’t still have your leg wrapped around him, tethering him to you without a doubt.
“N-not that there’s anything wrong with this, I-I loved this,” he stutters, face flashing somehow even hotter and making you smile softly. “I just mean, uh, I—”
“Bob,” you soothe, running your fingers through his hair still. “I know.”
He starts to pull off of you when you grab his arm. It isn’t possessive, it isn’t forceful— Just a simple, grounding touch to extend the offer for him to stay.
If he wanted.
And he does, relaxing slightly when he realizes the pin in your intimate dance hasn’t shattered what he held so dearly.
That it hadn’t shattered you.
“I just don’t want my feelings to get confused.” His fingers lift from your thigh and find your face, hesitant for all of a millisecond before sweeping gently at the height of your cheekbone like his touch could explain better than his words. “I just mean that I don’t want you to think I only want you like this,” he continues, the edge of his voice cracking and showing something more vulnerable he tried to hide. “I don’t want to ruin anything by moving too fast.”
You smile, moving the grip from his arm to meet his hand on your cheek— Running your thumb over his lazily and holding him there firmly, reminding him it was where he belonged.
“I thought I already told you that wasn’t possible?”
It’s only then that he smiles too—something soft and pure—a wobble in his brows, all tension melting to show what he wore underneath for you. The most honest parts of him that flickered with life because of you.
And this time when he finally lifts from you, it’s not like he’s running.
It’s like he’s rising— Rising to the occasion of something more meaningful. Like he’s changing with you, holding on and never letting go, even with the fraction of space that lives between you now.
His leg slowly slides down and out from your center— You trying to hide a hiss that slips between your teeth from a cold rush hitting you from the loss of contact.
It was just then that you realized you were only in your underwear and a thin t-shirt beneath him. All rational thought and awareness slipped from your mind the second his lips touched yours.
But now you lay pressed into his mattress—still recovering from new parts of you just being pressed into him in more ways than one—and it makes you shiver.
He breaks through it, slowly freeing his hand from yours to splay it against your shoulder. He helps you rise with him until your intimate positions have unraveled and you’re sitting on the edge of his bed, sitting on the edge of something more earnest— Something new, yet again.
Your ankles are still dangling around each other, thighs pressed gently like the thoughts brimming in your brain.
It’s then that he turns your chin to look at him, this time, holding you there and not retreating.
“I… I don’t regret it.” He says it like a confession, sweet and honest and something more rare than life itself. “Any of it.”
You find your way to him again, no longer scared to allow yourself to have him, your lips pressing gently across his. It’s a closed kiss, yet more open than ever before.
When you break apart you run your fingers against his temple, damp curls dancing with your touch.
“Me too,” you say. “This was perfect.” And you mean it.
You know he means you too.
You continue, voice finally coming back to life after being suffocated into sensual silence for so long. “Do you know how hard it was to stop though?”
He laughs in disbelief, like you just said the most absurd thing— Like you just said the unfathomable.
“Yeah,” he huffs more to the universe than to you, “I do.” The soft laugh lacing his voice falters, his fingers still clinging to you. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to touch your body?”
You pause, a teasing smile crawling across your lips and his face flushes a feverish red once he realizes what he’s implied— Suddenly stuttering and awkward all like he wasn’t just driving you insane with the savory of his intimacy two seconds ago.
“I-I— Fuck,” he mumbles. “I didn’t mean it like that, I mean, I, uh—I just meant—”
“You’re cute,” is all you say, voice light and sure, all worry lifting free and left abandoned to wither.
He pauses for a moment, marinating in the compliment, eyes flickering back to life as they settle in the light glistening from yours. He ponders, sweet smile growing as he recalls delicately,
“Just another reason you should stay.”
You remember immediately— How could you ever forget when he said that to you? When he broke something open inside you, the starting crack that chipped down the guilt you wore like a shield.
How could you ever forget the moment you started to realize you might really allow yourself to want him? Realize that maybe—just maybe—he could want you too?
All in that kitchen, still a heartbeat— A pulse tethered to the tangle of your souls.
You couldn’t think of anything else— Any invasive thought as to why you shouldn’t. Any nagging and unwanted reminder that you were somewhere you shouldn’t be, because that couldn’t be more wrong.
You couldn’t think of anything else when he finally lifted from the mattress, leaving a gentle and sweeping kiss on your forehead to go turn off the bathroom light.
You couldn’t think of anything else when he left the room and came back sheepishly with a pair of sleep shorts to fit you— The smallest gesture that threatened to drown you in its sincerity.
You couldn’t think of anything else when he let you crawl into his bed again, his body settling into place behind you and pressing a whispering kiss to the crook of your neck like a vow to never stop.
And now, a sense of knowing blooms in the caverns of the unsaid— The quiet reckoning of something stronger than patience and care and honest truth revealing itself in the places it’s been watching all along.
You feel it pressed against his sheets with you— Desire exchanged for devotion.
When you fall asleep that night, you do it for the first time in a long time with a smile— An unmovable force pinned against your lips you didn’t dare disturb.
You didn’t know it, but he did the same.
And remarkably,
The crest of his body curls around yours like a fallen star, a new sense of belonging, splitting matter and mere fragments finding a new orbit once wrapped around you.
It’s daybreak when John Walker arrives at the tower.
His limbs are heavy, tired, exhausted and quite honestly too worn to care about how pissed Yelena is at him. The evidence of his indifference is worn on his face— Gruff brows knit together, their natural state, his eyes hard and narrow, lids heavy with something other than the crave of sleep. His mouth, chapped and drawn into a tight line, shoulders straight and stiff, patiently waiting for the elevator to work even a little bit faster so he could get the hell out of this dirty, disgusting suit as soon as possible.
In all honesty, he wasn’t mad at Bob. How could he be? Sometimes the rest of the team were too delicate with him— Treating him like a child when he was more than capable of spending a full 36 hours alone. Like he wasn’t a grown man. It was ridiculous— Laughable, even.
He didn’t need the supervision, and John didn’t need to be bothered with it.
Actually, he’d be lying if he didn’t admit he was the teeniest bit proud of Bob for sticking up for what he wants— Even if John had to swallow his pride over how he worked him like a sucker to get it.
Even if now that meant Yelena had a bug up her ass and it was directed at John who—somehow—always managed to be responsible for everything.
A taut grumble leaves his mouth as the elevator doors whirled open and he watched his call to Bob get banished to voicemail for a third time.
Whatever. Not his problem. He couldn’t be bothered to think about it. He couldn’t be bothered to think about anything besides a hot shower and some antiseptic, actually.
Except, he was forced to when he walked into the residential floor, expecting to see Bob sucked into some new useless book—completely oblivious to all the chaos he was causing in the world that existed outside of him—but rather, was greeted by complete silence.
John’s steps slowed, taking in the eerie lull of quiet washed over the Watchtower, untouched and dead to the world, bathing in stillness and the steel-colored glow of the city waking up along with it just beyond the windows.
His eyes narrow and sweep across the floor, falling on the kitchen that looked like it was a victim of a bomb drill gone wrong.
Dirty dishes were piled up in the sink—which was completely clean and empty before he left—and virtually every single culinary-related thing the team even owned was scattered across the counter.
Spices, utensils, ingredients, dishes— You name it, it was there.
“Jesus, Bobby,” he mutters to himself, tone flat and unamused at the mess left behind to greet him. “Least you could’ve done was cork the damn wine.”
It’d be a lie to say a bottle of wine paired with Bob left alone didn’t make his blood rush a bit harder to his head, indifference mulling into real and genuine confusion… and begrudgingly, concern. He rolled his eyes loosely as he shoved the cork back in and stuck it in the fridge before Yelena saw it and really gave him something to chew on.
Damn, it’s like Bob was trying to screw him over.
He’s about two steps out of the kitchen—stalking off to find Bob to, one, make sure he’s okay, and two, rip him a new asshole—when he stops hard in his tracks, the grip of his combat boots squeaking against the too-shiny, obnoxiously-polished floor.
One. Two.
His eyes count them. Wine glasses.
Two of them.
They almost got lost in the mess, camouflaged so well that the stain of just nearly crimson left at the bottom of them nearly went unnoticed— Just a mouthful of evidence ratting him out.
And right next to them, abandoned at the corner seat at the island, was your stuff.
John knew that bag anywhere. It always brought some kind of new bullshit for the team to mull over, something to ruin their day— New paperwork, new briefings, new completely ridiculous ways Valentina had found to treat them like a multi-level marketing scam in capes and tactical gear.
But more importantly, it always brought a stupidly bashful grin to Bob’s face whenever he’d see it.
Because it came attached to you.
“Son of a bitch,” he mumbles in disbelief, more to the room than to himself. He stands like a fool, realization washing over him as he nosily fiddles with a folder abandoned under your bag. He shakes his head and lets a puff of air pass through his nose, a cheeky laugh bubbling at the back of his throat as he glides over to the intercom— A sly pep in his step.
He pauses and laughs under his breath, remarkably, at just how good Bob got him.
Then, with a teasing tone, and the tiniest lace of respect he could muster to thread through, he pushes it and says,
“Well played, Bobby.”
The crack of John Walker’s voice through the intercom of Bob’s room rips you free and reminds you that this world wasn’t just you and him after all.
Even if it felt like it.
Even if it still did when he looked at you like this—like he is right now—holding you closely, eyes lusted over with something unspoken. Clear and shallow blue whispering more than his lips ever could.
You and him, still tangled together, unmoved forces drawn to each other like gravity, knowing nothing else than the peace found in the arms of each other now.
Even if you tried, you couldn’t deny the way you always found your way to him now— Legs woven, slotted loosely together, your knee resting just above his. Your chest, now facing him as one large hand rests casually along the crest of your waist like he’s done it all his life. His elbow bent gently under the pillow to prop his head up, his hand just in your reach, haphazardly toying at the collar of your shirt and your hair. Yours lies flush against his chest, steady rhythm of his breathing making it rise and fall like the dust that danced in the air under warm morning haze.
Together, no longer scared of what closeness might cost in the daylight.
It woke you gently, the crest of morning sun slipping between the endless height of skyscrapers just beyond the foot of the bed, collecting the pale pink of budding morning.
Light suspends in the air— Clear. Warming. Patient. It has filled the void of words unspoken that now lives in a realm where hope is watered with opportunity. It dances on his honeysuckle skin as he sleeps, no crinkle of worry or bite of stress carved through the lines in his forehead. It’s sweet, it’s soft— The crescendo of June spilling over his body.
He looks different like this, warm and familiar, pressed against you like a memory you haven’t quite made yet. He looks younger, softer, lips slightly parted— Maybe the most himself you’ve ever seen, and yet, all like you’ve never met him before. Like you didn’t know this version of him.
It pings in your chest—a crawl of yearning—and you realize,
You really want to.
You would think it was a dream if you weren’t surrounded by the reminders of you living in his space— Your suit jacket tangled with the comforter half kicked off the bed, your body wrapped in his clothes, your broken shoes, blending into the background of his room like they belonged there.
You would think it was a dream if you didn’t watch him stir under curious fingers that traced the slope of his nose and curve of his jaw with delicate presence, coming back to life with fluttering eyelashes and soft smile lines at the privilege of being awoken by your touch— Wading in a bed with you, a serene scene rewriting one of your worst memories, knowing now when you see him like this, he’s safe. It’s the good kind of vulnerable. No longer alone.
You would think it was a dream if you didn’t feel a shock of reality take over you when Walker’s voice cuts through the static of the intercom, the lazy lull of Bob’s heavy eyelids when he looked at you now snapping open into wide panic at the sound— Flinching at the tone, thick and sarcastic like he somehow knew more about your new relationship than you did.
Smug. Just like always.
When the room falls silent again it’s you who speaks, reaching out to gently trace an aimless pattern in Bob’s open palm that stiffened against your hair at the interruption.
“What’s he talking about?”
You ask it evenly, calmly— No accusation or annoyance, no rise in your tone or inflection in your voice. Just patient wanting, voice still glazed over with the best sleep you’ve had in months.
Bob inhales slowly, his eyes blinking as they settle from the shock. His lips begin to tell you but it’s hard to focus on the words when they’re still swollen and flush with the memory of you wiped all over them.
Then, they pull into a smile. It’s something knowing and bashful and maybe even a little proud, all accompanied with a hush, breathless laugh caught in the back of his throat like it was a secret cracking through the thin parting of his lips.
“I lied,” he says, extracting a hand from your waist to rub the dawning of sleep from his face before it finds you again like an instinct.
Your brows knit together subtly at his response, not really expecting to hear that from him at all. Not when that was your role in your dynamic, even if it were now abandoned once and for all when you vowed to give your heart to him in your sacred touch last night.
He senses your confusion and continues before your mind can finish raking through the pre-mature, half-formed thoughts it wanted to make.
“To Walker, I mean. To Walker,” he clarifies, eyes dipping down to watch himself brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear like it was a holy act. “I kinda maybe told him Yelena wasn’t on a mission yesterday when he was supposed to be off even though she was that way I could get him out of the tower since he thought she’d be around.”
A smile crawls to your lips as you watch him explain, voice lazy and low and scratchy from sleep that made your skin tingle, reminding you of the way the dawning of his stubble would scratch just right whenever his face would find yours.
It was going to be really hard to focus around him now— God, you could barely keep a straight face.
“Why’d you do that,” you hum, leaning closer until your nose was almost touching his, like you couldn’t bear to be any further away from him. Like you needed to feel the words dance across your skin in order to hear them fully.
“I, uh, I-I don’t know,” he sighs, searching for the right words, eyes gazing into yours like he’d find the answer there instead. “It’s hard to explain, it’s just... sometimes I just want a chance to, like, breathe, you know?” You nod gently, nose bumping into his at the motion which makes him grin just a fraction wider, something for only you to see. “I like having people around, sure. I don’t get lost in my own head as easily when they are. I know they mean well… but I also just want time to myself without feeling watched… or bothered.”
“I get it,” you soothe, wrapping an arm around him to pull him closer, wide and wonderful blue of his eyes becoming your only view. He looked at you like he still couldn’t believe you were beside him, like he was dreaming, just like you.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you breathe. You hesitate for a moment before hooking your leg around his with more pressure now to pull him closer, eyes dancing with a flicker of tease, your fingers tracing along his arms and saying, “You still wound up being bothered, though.”
Bashful pink floods the smooth of his skin, eyes widening and wobbly lips pulling into a gentle smile like he couldn’t help it— Like he never wanted to stop.
“No,” he whispers, steady and sure, something reminiscent of a loving-tone wrapped around every letter that curls in the air and makes your skin dance with chills. “It was the best lie I’ve ever told.”
Your heart pounds and your head spins and it feels like the grip of his hand on your waist is the only thing keeping you in this new orbit. The light flickers around his face, gentle, natural, but alive— All like it was envious of how he could burn through your shadows in ways it never could.
When he says things like that, it was like he was the one carving you, the one making you, shaping you, holding you— You, merely a vessel, made whole from every swell of him through the pulsing chambers of your soul.
He carries the softness—the truth, the intent—of his words in every inch of his body. He holds it in his eyes, he holds it in his hands. He holds it down in his blood and bones, every word threaded together with something holy, something that runs all the way down to his marrow.
When he says things like that, he makes you believe it’s okay to let go.
To simply be— For him.
So you do and confess, “I lied, too.”
His expression never falters, just scans your face like he was looking for clues in every line, every glance, every glisten of your eyes.
“We need to start having different conversations than this,” he teases, nose just barely nudging yours just so he could hear a breathless laugh rise in the air like your heart was singing for him.
“No, no, it’s not like that again,” you breathe. “I promise.”
He waits for you to continue, fingers whispering along your skin like he could trace it out of you that way— Each touch, a turning page, your story, meeting the echo of epilogue.
So you swallow whatever bubble of fear burns at the back of your throat and say,
“Before. Last night. Outside the Watchtower.”
His brows crinkle more. Now he’s really confused.
“When you asked me why I was looking at you...”
The wave of words wash over him like a pulling tide, lips parting gently at its command. Then comes a breath of air that still manages to whisper, “Oh.”
“It wasn't nothing.”
Your heart races, maybe from the new sense of honesty and beginnings that pulsed through his room, no longer bathed in soothing shadows that made it comfortable for you to bare your soul, but rather, like the light and the time that stretched forward made everything more weighted.
More meaningful.
“I was thinking about how perfect you are,” you confess, a silent murmur suspended in the shared sliver of space fighting for dear life to exist between your bodies. “I was thinking about how much I wanted you.” Beat. “About how easily I could… fall for you. If you’d let me.”
You don’t say it.
You don’t want to scare him, to push him, to unravel too quickly. But you know he feels it too— A new thing unsaid, fostered by delicate touches and sweeping words, blooming gently between you in the hush of twin heartbeats.
He doesn’t respond with words, just a delicate brush of his lips against yours, sighing into you like he remembers how to breathe only when you’re taking his breath away. When he pulls back, his eyes are still closed, face still resting on yours like you’re holding him together and he whispers against your cheek,
“I already am.”
And through steady breath, a simple exchange, through the soft riots of acquainted souls— Limerence becomes love.
Or, perhaps,
Quiet truth revels in what has always been.
edit: thank you for 400+ notes ! it means the world to me that people are reading and liking it enough to leave kind comments telling me so. i poured my soul into this little story, so i hope you enjoyed 🤍
rhett merely chuckled as he gripped your hips. he watched with amused satisfaction as you sat in front of him, perched beautifully on his lap, looking like a lost deer, wearing his cowboy hat and a satin nightgown.
“oh c’mon, sweetheart, you’ve been in wyoming for how long? surely ya know the cowboy hat rule,” he teased as he sat up straighter against the bed’s headboard.
“i-i didn’t think it was real…” you pouted.
rhett laughed and nudged your arm lightly, “we take our brisket and cowboys very seriously ‘round here, hon.”
you huffed. you thought you were being cute by putting on rhett’s cowboy hat and straddling his lap. you proudly showed off your new look; all you were missing were some cowboy boots—but rhett was strict about not trudging mud into the bedroom.
“no pouting,” he said as he pulled your bottom lip from your teeth. “i didn’t make the rules, but i do stick to ‘em. i’m a law abiding citizen.” he teased.
you let out a snort of amusement, “last time i checked, you were charged with aggravated assault.”
rhett smirked, “save that sass for the ridin’ you’ll be doin’.”
and that’s how you found yourself right now; hands splayed out on his abs, lifting yourself up and down his fat cock. he was so big—filling you up to the brim and stretching your walls in a delicious way.
his cowboy hat shifted on your head with every bounce, growing more and more askew. rhett couldn’t take his eyes off of you. the way your eyebrows raised up in a soft arch, a perfect mirror of your back as you continued to ride him so diligently; your mouth falling open into a perfect ‘o’ shape, much like your pu—
“rhett, please,” you begged, squeezing his hands that were on your hips, silently pleading with him to help you.
he snapped out of his reverie and bit his lip, easily pulling you to bounce on his aching dick. you let out a soft moan, your body limping forwards against his chest. rhett chuckled.
“you’re doin’ a bad job at bein’ a cowgirl, sweetheart.”
you let out a petulant whine, “‘m trying…”
he almost felt bad for you.
almost.
he suddenly held you in place before he started pistoning his cock up into you. you let out a cry, your breath hitching in your throat as you tried to steady yourself.
“r-rhett!” you shrieked.
“‘m showin’ ya how to do it, darlin’.” he remarked, his gaze focused on the sight of his long cock disappearing in and out of your tight cunt. he growled, his head tipping backwards. “ya gotta tame the bull. how else ya gonna ride?”
with shaky hands, you mustered up enough strength to start fucking down into him. rhett opened his eyes and looked at you, seeing the determination on your adorable face. he chuckled, a deep, low sound that only made your walls clench tighter around him. he hissed in pleasure.
“that’s it, girl. keep ridin’ me, just like that—doin’ so good f’ me,” he encouraged you, his hands now finding purchase on your ass and kneading the skin there.
the sheen of sweat on rhett’s torso made it harder for you to hold on, your hands slipping every few seconds. you opted for gripping his hair by the roots, which made him groan loudly, burying his face in your neck.
“fuck, sweetheart. you’re gettin’ good at this. ridin’ me like a champ.” he praised, leaving the sloppiest of kisses on the juncture between your neck and shoulder.
“i-i’m close,” you mumbled between breathy moans.
“gettin’ close? let me help ya finish,” rhett replied, one of his hands moving down between your legs and coaxing your clit in torturously slow circles.
with a high-pitched whine, you keeled forward, your head resting on his shoulder as you kept bouncing on his length. “feels so nice, babe,” you mumbled against his skin.
“yeah, i know it does.” he responded, his fingers moving faster over your sensitive nub. “cum on my cock, sweetheart.”
you whimpered and nodded, “‘m gonna—ah! so, so close, I—”
your orgasm washed over you in waves, your body shivered as you finally let go of that knot building inside your stomach and the scream that was bubbling up in your throat. your body went limp against rhett’s, but you still managed to keep bouncing on him mindlessly, like a dumb bunny in heat.
he chuckled, “such a good cowgirl,” he said before grunting. “fuck, baby, you’re clenchin’ on me so tight, gon’ make me paint your pretty pussy white.”
you nodded eagerly, “yes, please. wanna feel it inside.”
rhett groaned, his voice rumbling with the force of it, “sweetheart—shit, ya can’t talk to me like that. gonna make me—fuck!—knock ya up by accident.”
you were overstimulated, practically buzzing as he kept moving you up and down on him, chasing his high. but it just felt so good to have him inside you, stretching your tight pussy into the shape of his dick.
he let out a trembling breath, “gonna cum. where do ya want it, baby?”
“i-inside,” you babbled.
on any other occasion, rhett would’ve asked you again to make sure you were certain. but tonight, his brain was so fucked out by the sinful heat of your cunt that he didn’t even argue. he came without a moment’s delay, his cum shooting out in thick spurts, stuffing you completely.
your hole clenched around him, a silent act of gratitude for filling you up so nicely. you let out a pathetic whimper against his neck, your hand coming up to weakly scratch his tattooed chest.
rhett just kept rocking into you, gradually slowing down to ride the high of his ecstasy. he eventually stopped but didn’t pull out just yet, wanting to plug his cum into you for as long as he could without you writhing in overstimulation.
he panted, trying to catch his breath. “and that, my dear, is how ya ride a cowboy.”
you pulled back from his chest and met his gaze. his cowboy hat was hanging on your head by a thread and you had the most fucked out look on your face, cheeks all hot and drool coming out the side of your pouty lips. he stared at you in admiration; you were the prettiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on.
“did ya enjoy your first ridin’ lesson?” he teased with an airy chuckle.
you nodded, out of breath but with a proud smile. “did i do well?” you asked meekly.
rhett let out a small snort of laughter, “yeah, ya did. we needa work on your endurance, though, babe.”
Reading my own fanfiction is basically just a rollercoaster of emotional whiplash.
20% of the time: “Hold on. I wrote this? This is fire. This is emotionally devastating in the best way. This scene is dripping with tension. I’m a literary perfectionist. Someone give me a book deal.”
80% of the time: “Straight to jail. Immediate prison. Why is everyone’s breath hitching?. I used the word ‘gaze’ three times in one paragraph like I was possessed. Did I think 'his eyes darkened' was profound? Why is everyone clenching their jaws? Why is someone whispering 'their name like a prayer' again?? No one talks like this. What is this dialogue. Why are there so many weird metaphors and em-dashes…”
the parasocialism with lewis pullman is getting to a point that's hard to ignore.
it's one thing to like an actor and the characters they play, but truthfully, why are people digging for information and pictures of him like it's their full-time job?
i'm not trying to control anyone, but this is just my two cents. obviously, i don't have to interact with any of this (and i'm not), it's just starting to bother me.
i don't want to see baby photos of him or pictures of him from college. sure, its all on the internet for everyone to see but holy fuck this man doesn't have social media for a reason.
and please, please, please do not get me started on the blatant misogyny regarding kaia gerber. no, lewis pullman doesn't want you or even know you, and you're certainly not grabbing his attention by harassing and dragging his (alleged?) girlfriend.
and holy shit while you're at it please shut up about the zyn. he's a grown man. maybe i'm just desensitized to nicotine products and addiction because of where i'm from, but i promise you it's not that deep.
as someone who has deep roots in the k-pop community, y'all are starting to sound like k-netz who harass their favs when they breathe in a woman's direction.
and hey, this isn't directed toward casual or even avid lewis pullman enjoyers. i'm in the same boat, i'm hyper-fixated on thunderbolts because i have adhd, and i'm going through some stressful times right now- writing is really helping me and bringing some much-needed structure into my life.
i really don't want to see another talented person go under the radar or take a step back from their talent/passion because the internet is extremely obsessed with their personal life.
summary: you met bob back at the academy and fell for him fast—but you never dared risk the friendship... now you're both stationed at north island and for once the timing might be right, until you overhear him say some things that cut deep and make you question everything you thought you knew
notes: okay i'm a little nervous about this one, like i hope it's good??? i hope you like it! the start is a little slow, i struggled there, but it picks up! i promise! again, i had no self-control with the word count, and as always, please let me know what you think!!!
warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, bit of angst, miscommunication (kinda), italics, bob makes a joke about a stutter, some cheesy moments, reader wears a skimpy dress (but detail is vague and there is no detail about body-type), angry bob, dancing with a guy that isn't bob, very horny, a bit of boob commentary, and SMUT (male masturbation, semi-public sex, unprotected p in v, and a lil titty worship bob floyd) 18+ ONLY MDNI!!!
word count: 21530
your callsign is lucky
You’ve known Bob Floyd since your second day at the academy.
You were running late to a classroom session on naval aviation history when you ran into him—tall, sweet, with dark blue eyes and the prettiest smile you’d ever seen. As it turned out, you were both late for the same class, and got chewed out in front of twenty or so of your brand-new flight school classmates. At the time, it was mortifying, but now it’s one of your favourite stories—because that was the moment that bonded you for life.
You’ve been in love with Bob Floyd ever since he drunkenly told you at flight school graduation—the boy’s a serious lightweight—that you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever known.
Well, okay. Maybe you were already halfway there, but that was the moment that really sealed the deal. He was so flushed and pretty, stumbling over his words, looking at you like you were the sole reason for his existence on planet Earth. How could you not fall in love with that?
But he was really drunk, and he didn’t remember a thing the next morning. So you decided not to bring it up. After all, you would soon be deployed to opposite sides of the world. It never would’ve worked.
Still, over the years and across continents, you managed to stay close. Through separate assignments, long stretches of radio silence, and deployments that kept you off-grid, you never lost touch. You saw each other when you could—once or twice a year, if you were lucky—and every time, it felt like no time had passed at all.
You tried dating—at least as much as anyone in the Navy can—but no one ever stuck. Not the way Bob Floyd did.
Then, as fate would have it, Bob got tapped for a special detachment on North Island—your base. And suddenly, years of loving him from afar turned into months of loving him from a now suffocatingly close distance. Because after that detachment, Bob’s new squad—the Dagger Squad—was commissioned as a full-time elite unit under Maverick’s command.
So here he is, on North Island. And here you are too. Practically living in each other’s pockets, even if you’re not flying on the same team. So what could possibly be stopping you from telling him how you feel?
Oh, right. Just the tiny, humiliating fact that you’re still way too chickenshit to risk the friendship for something more.
“Lieutenant,” Maverick says, stepping up beside you and catching you off guard.
You blink, dragging your eyes away from the squad—his squad—training just outside the hangar up ahead.
“Captain,” you reply, nodding.
He smirks. “Thinking of trading in those shiny fifth-gens for something with a little more grit? Or are you just here to watch Hondo torture my pilots?”
You huff a laugh, adjusting the helmet tucked under your arm. “The Super Hornet’s got plenty of grit, but let’s be honest—she’s no Lightning.”
Maverick chuckles, nodding slowly.
“Actually, I was looking for you,” you say. “Cyclone wants me to offer a brief training program on the F-35’s latest software package—maybe even get your team some sim time.”
His eyebrows lift. “A training program from the Navy’s golden test pilot? Let me guess—does Simpson know how chummy you are with my squad, or was this more of a personal initiative?”
“It might be a little personal,” you say with s sheepish grin. “But I’ve seen the way you look at my jet. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t kill for a flight.”
“A joyride?” he asks. “I thought you said simulator time.”
“For them, yeah.” You nod toward the squad. “But if a decorated captain, such as yourself, wanted to take her for a spin... well, who am I to stand in the way?”
He laughs again, looking past you at the aircraft you’d just landed.
“She quick?” he asks.
“Today? About six hundred knots. But that was a low-level test profile.” You pause, eyes glinting. “Push her right, she’ll break Mach 1 easy. Mach 2 if you’re feeling brave. And willing to eat the paperwork.”
“Tempting,” he says with a sigh. “But I think I’ve racked up enough disciplinary notes for one career.”
You smile. “Then fly her like a gentleman.”
Maverick’s gaze flicks back to the squad as Hondo shouts for twenty more burpees. Then he narrows his eyes at you. “Who put you up to this?”
You blink. “Sorry?”
“Phoenix asked me just last week if they’d ever fly anything other than Hornets. Yesterday, Hangman starts asking about Lockheed sim protocols. And now you show up, conveniently volunteering?”
You press your lips together, wondering how long you might be able to stall—but really, what’s the point? It’s Maverick. He’ll figure it out sooner or later.
“Okay, fine,” you admit. “They’ve been on my ass about it for weeks. I knew I could get Cyclone on board—and yeah, they said the only way you’d bite was if I offered you stick time.” You smile, just a little. “But to be fair, the F-35’s part of the Navy inventory now. Could be relevant training. And... I wouldn’t mind a few weeks of hanging out with my friends at work. Or their legendary captain, for that matter.”
Maverick exhales through his nose, shaking his head. “It’s like raising teenagers.”
“So,” you say, lifting a brow, “that’s a yes?”
He rolls his eyes, but there’s still a playful spark behind them. “Yeah, fine.”
You grin. “Excellent. We’ll start Monday. Can’t wait to teach alongside you, Captain.”
“Don’t make me regret this,” he mutters.
“Oh, please,” you say. “I know you’re at least a little excited about flying my jet.”
His gaze flicks back to the F-35 on the flight line, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I better go break the news to the squad.”
You laugh. “Good luck with that. Fanboy said he’d kiss you if you said yes.”
Maverick pauses, grimacing. “Fantastic.”
Then he flashes you that signature smirk, gives a quick nod, and walks off across the tarmac. You watch for a few minutes as he approaches his squad, stepping up beside Hondo first and—quietly—telling the CWO what he just agreed to. Hondo nods before calling the squad in with a bark, and you stay put, watching with amusement as Maverick delivers the news.
The reaction is immediate—grins, high-fives, celebratory shouting. You see Natasha step forward to ask a question, and when Maverick gestures in your direction, Mickey turns and yells, “I fucking love you, Lucky!”
You laugh softly, giving them a lazy salute before turning toward your own building. You’re looking forward to it too—not just the flying, or the teaching, or the excuse to hang out with your friends. But the chance to spend a few weeks working a little closer to Bob.
And maybe—just maybe—you can figure out what the hell you’re going to do about him.
-
“I still can’t believe you got Cyclone and Mav to sign off on the training,” Reuben says, shaking his head despite the smile tugging at his lips.
You lift your beer, shrugging as you sip. “They don’t call me Lucky for nothing.”
Mickey squints, tilting his head. “Wait, do you have a history of charming your superiors?”
Natasha snorts into her drink. “No. That’s not how she got her callsign.”
Your eyes snap to her, brows raised. “Wait—Bob told you?”
She presses her lips together, rocking her head side to side. “Not exactly. I saw your contact name in his phone and kind of... figured it out.”
Your cheeks flush instantly. “Oh my God.”
“Hold on,” Reuben says, leaning forward. “Bob gave you your callsign?”
You nod. “Yeah. And I gave him his.”
That’s all it takes for the three of them to dissolve into laughter.
“Oh, so you’re the creative genius behind Bob,” Mickey teases, leaning back. “Do tell. How long did that brainstorming session take?”
You roll your eyes and jab an elbow into his ribs. “You’re such an ass.”
“No, but seriously,” Reuben says, still grinning. “Why is it just... Bob?”
You shrug, rolling your beer bottle between your palms. “Because he didn’t like any of the others. There were a bunch of nicknames being thrown around—some dumb, some mean. He told me one day he wished people would just call him Bob. So I made sure they did.”
“Oh,” Mickey mutters. “That’s kind of boring.”
Natasha shoots him a look across the table. “I think it’s sweet.”
Reuben gestures toward you. “Okay, fine. Then how’d he come up with Lucky?”
You hesitate, trying not to squirm under the weight of their attention. “Because I’m his lucky charm.”
Reuben blinks. “Seriously? It’s that personal?”
You nod. “Yeah. Back at the FRS, every time we were paired up—sims, training hops, even written exams—he’d ace it. Said he never did that well without me.” You shrug a little, smiling. “Eventually he started joking that I was his lucky charm. Then it got shortened to Lucky, and everyone assumed it was about good fortune or gambling or whatever. But it was always just… him.”
Natasha huffs a quiet laugh. “That’s fucking adorable.”
Mickey leans forward, brows drawing together. “Wait… have you guys ever—”
“Evening, misfits,” Jake drawls, cutting in with impeccable timing. “Lucky, did I hear you landed yourself a job bossing us around?”
Bradley, Javy, and Bob fall in behind him, all wearing the same mildly pained expression—no doubt from enduring a ten-minute car ride with Weekend Jake. That’s what the squad have started—affectionately—calling him when he’s at his worst, all smug smiles, cocky one-liners, and shameless flirting. Which, of course, tends to happen every weekend.
“Just part-time,” you say, matching his smirk. “Try to contain your excitement.”
Jake’s gaze drops, then climbs back up—slow and deliberate. “Oh, I’m containin’ a lot right now. But you in a flight suit, telling me what to do? That might push me over the edge.”
Mickey and Reuben chuckle while Natasha groans.
“I need a drink,” Bradley mutters, turning toward the bar.
You shake your head, trying not to laugh. “Keep talking, Seresin, and I’ll have you running laps around the tarmac.”
Jake slides into the booth across from you, still grinning. “And I bet you’d love the view.”
You roll your eyes and glance at Bob, still standing beside Javy. His eyes are locked on Jake—not quite angry, but definitely not amused.
“Hey, Floyd,” you say, “wanna sit?”
Bob’s lips twitch as he slides into the booth beside you, dark blue eyes catching yours. “Think you’re ready to be an instructor?”
“Oh yeah,” you say, ignoring the flutter in your chest as his thigh brushes yours. “I was born for this.”
He chuckles under his breath. “Born bossy, maybe.”
“Hey,” you say, bumping your shoulder against his. “Don't be rude.”
He turns to face you—really looking at you—and for a moment, the noise of the bar fades just a little.
“You already telling me what to do?” he asks, voice low, playful.
You narrow your eyes. “What if I am, Lieutenant? You going to listen?”
Something flickers at the corner of his mouth—teasing, but quiet. “If I don’t?”
“Jesus Christ, you two,” Jake cuts in, loud and obnoxious. “Save it for the bedroom.”
Bob startles slightly, the colour in his cheeks deepening as he tears his eyes away from yours.
“Fuck off, Seresin,” you mutter, shooting him a glare. “You’re just jealous.”
Jake leans back, smug. “Jealous of what, sweetheart?”
“That I don’t flirt with you the way I flirt with—” You stop short, the rest of the sentence stuck in your throat, but it doesn’t matter—the implication is obvious enough.
Jake’s eyes sparkle like he’s just won the goddamn lottery, and everyone else around the table fights to contain their laughter.
“Go on,” Jake says, far too pleased with himself. “What were you saying?”
You shoot him a deadly look. “Fuck you is what I was saying.”
He tips his head back and chuckles, hand over his chest, and that’s all it takes for the rest of the squad to join in. All but Bob, who’s now focused on picking at the corner of a cardboard coaster, cheeks pink and lips curved into the softest smile.
It isn’t long before Bradley returns with two beers in one hand and a beer and a coke in the other. He sets the drinks down—coke for Bob—and nods at you to scoot over. You shuffle further into the booth, closer to Mickey, and Bob does the same—closer to you. His arm slides closer, brushing yours, and his knee presses deliberately into your leg, inch by inch stealing your space. The scent of him—sharp, familiar, intoxicating—floods your senses, and your pulse spikes before you can stop it.
God. You think you’d be used to it after all these years.
“So,” Bradley says, leaning forward, oblivious to the earlier conversation, “we start Monday?”
You nod. “Yep. Think you’ll be able to handle a big boy jet?”
Bradley scoffs. “Please. I’m one of the best pilots in the world.”
You roll your eyes.
“God, I can’t wait,” Mickey says from your other side.
“Why are you excited?” Natasha asks, brow furrowed. “There’s no backseat in the F-35, and you’re definitely not flying it.”
“Well, not the actual jet, but I still get sim time,” Mickey says, turning his big brown eyes on you. “Right?”
You shrug. “That’s up to Mav.”
He groans, dropping his head on the table with a thunk. “Being a WSO sucks.”
“Your career choice, dude,” Reuben chuckles.
You spend the next hour or so talking about work—because it’s hard not to when you all work together—but eventually Javy wanders off to chat with a woman who hit on him at the bar, and Natasha challenges Bradley to pool. Jake jumps up too, announcing that he’ll play the winner, leaving you and Bob behind with Mickey and Reuben, who are deep in an argument about whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher this morning.
You turn to Bob, brows raised. “Think I’m going to need another drink.”
He nods, laughing softly as he slides out of the booth. You follow and start heading toward the bar, glancing over your shoulder only when he mumbles something about going to the bathroom. You just nod, then turn back and step up to the bar, flashing Penny a wide grin.
“The usual?” she asks.
You nod. “I’ll get a round for the whole squad.”
She nods once and moves to grab the drinks while you fish in your back pocket for the cash you shoved there before leaving your apartment. You’re just about to drop it on the bar when someone slides up beside you and slaps down a credit card instead.
“It’s on me,” the man says, his smile too confident to be genuine, “if you’ll tell me your name.”
You blink, brow furrowing as you wonder where the hell men like this get their audacity.
“And if I don’t?” you ask, sliding his card back toward him. “You still covering eight drinks?”
His eyes widen just slightly, his fingers hovering over the card. “Eight? Damn. You must be thirsty.”
You think about saying something snarky, or telling him simply to piss off—but you don’t. You bite your tongue, turning back to Penny with a quiet thanks as she sets the drinks on a tray and you hand her the cash.
“You Navy?” the guy asks, undeterred.
“Does it matter?”
He shrugs. “Just lets me know what I’m in for.”
You take a deep breath, choosing not to respond as you reach for the tray of drinks.
“I got it,” Bob says, appearing beside you, his hands brushing yours as he takes the tray from the bar.
You turn to him with a cheesy grin—not hard to fake when you’re looking at someone like Bob. “Thanks, babe.”
He pauses, eyes flicking between you and the stranger.
“I was starting to worry,” you say, sliding an arm around his waist. “You were gone so long.”
Thankfully, Bob’s not an idiot—and this isn’t your first time pulling this move.
“Sorry,” he says, falling into it with ease. “There was a line.” He glances at the guy. “Hey, I’m—uh—her boyfriend. Bob.” His cheeks flush lightly. “And you are?”
The guy hesitates, his eyes darting between the two of you. Then he steps back. “Got it. No worries. Have a good night.”
As soon as he’s gone, you drop your arm and step away, breath catching—not from the strange guy, but from the heat still lingering between you and Bob. The weight of his body beside yours. The feel of your fingers pressed into his waist. The clean scent of him, warm skin and sharp cologne. It’s dizzying. And familiar. And still somehow too much.
“Thanks,” you murmur as you fall into step beside him, following him toward the others crowded around the pool table.
“No worries,” he mutters, eyes focused on the drinks.
Once you reach the group, everyone takes their drinks and gets back to their conversations—which mostly consists of trash-talking between Bradley and Jake. You and Bob find two stools nearby to occupy while watching the game play out.
“Why do you do that?” he asks suddenly, turning to you with a slight frown.
You glance at him. “Do what?”
“Shut guys down all the time,” he says. “Tell them I’m your boyfriend.”
“Oh.” You lean back a little, trying—and failing—to read his expression. “I guess I’m just not interested. And it’s easier to say I’ve got a boyfriend than deal with rejecting them outright. Safer, too. You never know what someone might say or do if they feel slighted. Especially after a few drinks. So... I use you. Does it bother you?”
He shakes his head. “No. Just curious.”
You nod, then glance back toward the pool table. “Okay.”
There’s a short pause before he adds, “But why don’t you give any of them a shot?”
You frown. “What, like... why don’t I date?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I know you’ve dated before, but I don’t think I’ve seen you go on a single date since I got to North Island.”
Wow. Shocking insight. Maybe he’s not as observant as you thought.
You snort softly. “Are you saying I should date more?”
“I don’t see why not,” he says, eyes dropping to the floor. “You get hit on all the time.”
You roll your eyes. “I do not get hit on all the—”
“Yes,” he cuts in, meeting your gaze again. “You do. All the time. You should hear what half these idiots say about you when you’re not around.”
A smirk tugs at your lips. “All flattering, I hope?”
He groans and rubs the bridge of his nose, right where his glasses sit. “You really don’t want to know.”
You laugh into your drink, taking a long swig before glancing over at him. “Alright, Floyd. Since you’re so concerned—who should I date, then?”
You know he won’t say it. But you want him to. You want him to say me. Right here in the middle of The Hard Deck, with Natasha eavesdropping and Mickey still ranting about how his flight suit is too tight around the biceps. It wouldn’t be romantic, or particularly special—but you don’t care. You’ve waited long enough. You just want to hear him say he’s tired of guys hitting on you. Tired of Jake’s locker room bullshit. That he wants you to date him. That he wants you.
“I don’t know,” he mutters, cheeks flushing as he looks back toward the pool table. “Rooster, maybe. He seems like your type.”
Your heart drops, frustration crawling up under your skin. “My type?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Tall, pretty, a little cocky.”
You narrow your eyes, watching the side of his face. “You think I go for cocky?”
He doesn’t answer—just shrugs, eyes locked on the game.
“You’ve known me this long, and that’s what you think?”
He cuts you a sidelong glance, brows raised just slightly. “You dated a bunch of assholes at the FRS.”
You stare at him. “A bunch? What, like... two?”
He shrugs, eyes flicking to yours. “Maybe it just felt like more. Every second day someone was asking me for your number.”
You scoff. “Yeah, right.”
“No, really,” he says, deadpan. “It was ridiculous.”
You narrow your eyes, fighting a smile. “I don’t believe you, but whatever.”
Your gaze drifts back to the pool game, watching as Jake leans in for a shot, easily sinking two balls and earning a hard eye-roll from Bradley.
“Anyway,” you say, glancing back at Bob. “I haven’t exactly seen you dating since you got here.”
Not that you really want to see him dating. Not unless it’s you.
He shrugs again. “Wasn’t talking about me. Was talking about you.”
You roll your eyes. “Okay, fine. You want me to date? I’ll find someone to date.”
Then you tip back your beer, draining the rest of it in two burning gulps. Bob blinks, the colour in his cheeks deepening as you smack the empty bottle down on a nearby table. You give him a tight smile before turning toward the pool table, stepping up beside Jake and curling your hand around his bicep.
“Mind if I play next?”
Jake’s green eyes sparkle as he looks down at you, his gaze devouring every inch of your face now so close to his.
“Keep touchin’ me like that, darlin’, and I’ll say yes to anything.”
The rest of the weekend passes in typical fashion. You spend half of it cleaning your apartment and stocking up on groceries for the week, and the other half watching movies with Bob and Natasha.
Bob doesn’t bring up the whole dating thing again—you’re starting to think he never wanted to bring it up in the first place—and he definitely doesn’t mention how you flirted with Jake for most of Friday night. He does, however, roll his eyes when you laugh at something dumb Jake sends to the group chat.
By Monday morning, you’re more than ready—and honestly, kind of excited—to start training the squad on F-35s. You even get up extra early, take a little more time with your hair, and spritz on a few extra sprays of perfume. Not for anyone in particular. Definitely not for Bob.
You’re the first to arrive in the briefing room—of course you are, you’re nearly an hour early—so you start setting up, keeping your hands busy in an attempt to burn off nervous energy.
Eventually, Maverick and Hondo stroll in, both looking smug with obnoxiously oversized travel mugs full of coffee.
“Mornin’, Lucky,” Hondo says, dropping into a seat in the front row.
“Hondo,” you say with a smile. “Mav.”
“Ready to wrangle a room full of overconfident aviators?” Maverick asks, settling into the chair beside him.
You take a deep breath and face the room, hands on your hips. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Got any tips?”
He grins. “Try not to sweat—they can smell fear. Don’t be afraid to pull rank, either. You are technically their superior—Lieutenant Commander.” He pauses, waiting for your reluctant nod, because you do tend to forget that you outrank them. “And don’t look Floyd in the eye, or you’ll get flustered.”
Your mouth drops open.
Hondo chuckles. “And that’s not a general rule. That one’s just for you.”
Your eyes flick to him, heat creeping into your cheeks.
Maverick laughs. “Uh oh. Maybe we shouldn’t have flustered her right before the children arrive.”
“Who are you calling children?” Bradley asks, stepping through the doorway with a suspicious frown.
Maverick and Hondo giggle like schoolkids, clearly thrilled to spend the next few weeks not running the show.
“Why’s Lucky all red?” Mickey asks, trailing in behind Bradley.
Reuben’s next, followed by Javy and Jake a few seconds later.
You shake your head and clear your throat, pretending to shuffle through papers like it’ll somehow erase the mortification of Captain Pete fucking Mitchell knowing about your very inconvenient crush on one of his lieutenants.
It isn’t long before Natasha and Bob walk through the door, sliding into two front-row seats and making your heartrate ratchet up. But it’s fine. It’s cool. You can easily look past the front row. Just focus on Jake’s stupidly smug face in the second.
“Alright,” you say as the digital display flickers to life, revealing a clean model of the F-35. “Welcome to your crash course in fifth-gens.”
Mickey whoops quietly while the others grin and settle in with wide, eager eyes.
“The F-35s are in the Navy’s rotation now,” you say, gesturing to the display. “And as an elite unit, you never know when you’ll be called to fly one.” You tap your tablet, watching the display zoom into a detailed cockpit layout. “One seat, all teeth, glass cockpit, full stealth. No one’s holding your hand up here—not even your WSO.”
“Good,” Reuben grins. “Mine’s bossy.”
Mickey gasps, spinning toward him in mock betrayal.
“Yours is unemployed,” you reply, laughing under your breath. “These are single-seat jets.”
Mickey rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, pouting like a three-year-old who just got told no.
Your eyes flick instinctively to Bob—to the other WSO in the room who might have cause to be annoyed—but he’s not. He looks... entranced. Calm and focused. Brows pinched slightly, lips parted, eyes locked. Like he’s hanging on your every word.
You clear your throat and turn back to the screen. “You already know how to fly. I’m just here to make sure you don’t fly this like you fly your Rhinos. The rules are different. The feel is different. And the margin for error is a hell of a lot thinner.”
You swipe on your tablet and the diagram shifts to a wireframe helmet interface.
“Helmet display system, full 360º situational awareness. You don’t need to flip switches anymore—you think, and it’s there. Feels like a video game... until it doesn’t. You screw up in here, and the jet doesn’t just let you know—it makes sure you remember.”
You glance up—and have to fight the smile rising at how focused they all are. Every one of them watching you like you’re briefing them for an op.
“We’ll run through some ground school and system orientation,” you say, “then you’ll hit the sim. I’ll be in the control room, and Mav will be breathing down my neck.”
Maverick chuckles. “Only if you mess up.”
“So I’ll be fine,” you reply smoothly, not even sparing him a glance.
Laughter bubbles from the squad—oohs and chuckles layered over each other. But it’s Bob’s expression that makes your breath hitch. Wide-eyed. Pink-cheeked. Watching you like he’s trying to commit every second—every last detail—to memory.
You blink, heat flaring in your neck, and glance toward the back of the room. “Questions? Comments? Unsolicited opinions?”
“Yeah,” Jake pipes up. “You free after this?”
Hondo snorts. “Sure. Right after she drops her standards by about ten thousand feet.”
The room breaks into laughter as Jake rolls his eyes and flips Hondo the bird, sinking back in his seat.
“Alright,” you say, laughter still lacing your voice as you reset the display. “Let’s start with a systems brief.”
The squad moves in a slow wave, rising from their seats and shoulder-bumping their way to the tablets at the front of the room. But Bob hesitates, his gaze lingering on you a beat too long—warm, steady, and unblinking. It settles on your skin like a gentle pressure, like a whispered touch. You feel your cheeks flush and the hairs on the back of your neck rise.
All from a look.
God. Maybe you should listen to Maverick’s advice a little better.
By the end of the day, your voice is hoarse and your cheeks are aching from smiling so hard. You shouldn’t be surprised, but they were easier to teach than you expected. Of course they were—they’re not idiots. They’re highly trained, elite naval aviators. And just because they’re your friends doesn’t mean they’d dare give you a hard time. At least, not in front of their CO.
After Maverick asks a few questions—mostly about your training plan—he claps you on the back and dismisses the room. The squad filters out, calling their thanks as they go and muttering to each other about everything you just showed them.
Bob stays behind, still planted in his seat, brows furrowed as he scrolls through something on his phone. It’s not unusual—he used to wait for you after class almost every day at the academy and during the FRS—but still, your heart kicks up just a little.
“How’d I do?” you ask, glancing over your shoulder as you collect your papers.
He looks up, a soft smile on his lips. “Amazing, actually.”
You turn toward him, tilting your head. “You sound surprised.”
“I am,” he admits. “You made all that tech-speak sound so... easy. No one would ever guess you used to stutter on t’s and p’s giving presentations back at the academy.”
Your cheeks flush, eyes going wide as you let out a soft gasp—half scandalised, half amused. “Robert Floyd. How dare you bring that up.”
He chuckles quietly, ducking his head. “Sorry. It was too easy.” Then he glances up again, dark blue eyes wide and sincere. “But really, you did great. I’m really p-p-proud of you.”
“Dude!” you exclaim, staring at him in disbelief as he laughs a little harder.
You can’t help the grin that spreads across your face—especially not with the way Bob is laughing, shoulders curled, cheeks pink, and his smile lighting up his whole face with something stupidly charming.
“I can’t believe you,” you say, hugging your notebook to your chest. “You’re going to blow my cover as a super cool, incredibly sexy fighter pilot.”
He shrugs. “You can still be super cool and incredibly sexy with a stutter.”
Your cheeks burn even hotter, and you quickly turn back to the desk looking for an excuse not to look at him—picking up a pen you’re pretty sure isn't yours.
“Want to grab dinner?” he asks.
When you turn back around, he’s standing—tall and adorable in the most infuriatingly delicious way. The kind of way that shouldn’t make your chest ache and your thighs clench... and yet, here you are.
“Sounds good,” you say, trying to keep your voice light. “What’re you thinking?”
“Pizza?”
You nod and move toward the door, stepping into the corridor ahead of him and starting down the hall. A brief stretch of quiet follows, broken only by the soft clunk of your boots against the vinyl floor—not awkward, just a little... tense. Or maybe that’s just you. Because for some reason, Bob smells especially good today. He looks especially good too—hair slightly tousled, cheeks pink, and brows drawn as he clearly gets caught up in whatever’s on his mind.
Then he glances at you. “The other night—Friday night—at the bar...”
You raise an eyebrow. “What about it?”
“Did—” He pauses, breath hitching as he looks away. “Did you go home with him?”
You stop walking. “With who?”
He hesitates, stopping one step ahead before turning back to face you. “Hangman.”
Your eyes go wide. “What the fuck? No.”
“Oh,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “It’s just... Phoenix said—”
“Phoenix is messing with you,” you cut in, brow furrowed. “Why the hell would I go home with Hangman?”
He shrugs. “You two looked pretty friendly. I thought maybe—”
“Okay, give me some credit,” you say flatly. “I do still value my dignity. And for the record—cocky isn’t really my type.”
He glances at you, eyes curious beneath a gentle frown. “Then... what is your type?”
You open your mouth, but hesitate. You know what you want to say—that it’s him. It’s always been him. But you can’t. Because you’re too damn chickenshit, even after all these years. Even with him looking at you like that.
“I—I don’t know,” you mutter, starting to walk again. “But whatever it is, it isn’t Hangman.”
There’s a short pause—only brief—before he mumbles, “Okay... good.”
Good? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
The word bounces around in your head all evening. When you’re not talking to Bob about pizza toppings, tomorrow’s lesson plan, or whatever bizarre National Geographic doc he’s just watched, you’re thinking about that damn word.
Good.
It’s so maddeningly vague it practically echoes off your apartment walls the second you slam the door shut behind you.
Good?
Who does he think he is, trying to validate your taste in men? You don’t need his opinion. You don’t need his approval. You don’t need Bob Floyd acting like he gets a say in who you do or don’t go home with.
Good.
Seriously? The fucking audacity. Every time you think maybe—just maybe—Bob isn’t like other men, he says something infuriating like that.
“Ugh,” you groan, throwing yourself face-first onto your bed. “Fucking good.”
A minute later, your phone pings. You grope blindly across the duvet until your fingers close around it, then roll your head to the side, squinting at two notifications from Bob.
BOB FLOYD
📎 [Image attachment]
‘Look what I found at the bottom of my drawer… those ridiculous Canada moose boxers.’
And there he fucking is.
Standing in front of his bedroom mirror. Shirtless. Hair still damp from the shower. Wearing nothing but a sweet smile and those goddamn novelty boxers you bought him as a joke two Christmases ago—bright red, with tiny maple leaves and cartoon moose that say eh? across the waistband.
Holy fuck.
Your mouth goes dry. Your brain short-circuits. You can’t do anything but stare. Not even breathe.
His body is glorious—which is something you’ve known, but never been intimate with. And holy shit, if you’re not about to get intimate with this fucking photo.
He looks like some Greek god carved from alabaster. All smooth muscle and obvious strength, like he moonlights as a Michelangelo sculpture.
It’s obscene. This photo is ridiculous. He has to know what he’s doing. Surely he’s not that naïve.
And what the fuck are you supposed to reply with?
You scramble upright, breathing hard, holding your phone so close to your face the screen fogs up and—
Oh my God. You’ve got your fucking read receipts on.
You need to do something. Say something—anything—before he realises what a complete creep you’re being just sitting here, staring at this photo.
With trembling hands, you type the first thing that comes to mind: ‘Aw! Cute!’
“…Cute?” you repeat out loud, staring at your phone.
A little notification pops up beneath your message.
Read. Immediately.
“Cute?!” you say again, more outraged now. “What’s fucking cute about that, you idiot?”
You scroll up and tap the photo again—the one that is anything but cute.
Your face is burning. Your brain is mush. You need help. Professional help.
But first…
You need an hour alone with your vibrator, eyes squeezed shut, and that image burned into the backs of your eyelids.
-
Bob doesn’t send you another photo of his moose boxers.
The next morning, he just texts to ask if you want him to pick you up a coffee on his way into work—and you say yes. You don’t talk about the photo. Or the boxers. At all.
But you can’t stop thinking about it.
You can’t even look at him without picturing those ridiculous boxers and that even more ridiculous bulge—which only gets more obvious the more times you go back to check the photo. You’re honestly thinking about just saving it to your camera roll. Because what if you accidentally double-tap and react to it? You should’ve just done that at the start—but no. No, you said ‘Aw! Cute!’ like some proud mother seeing her son in his soccer jersey for the first time.
And of course, you and Bob talk every day, so the thread just keeps moving on—but you’re not. You have to scroll all the way back up every time. Then he sends something else and it jumps to the bottom, which means you have to start all over again.
Honestly, it’s getting a bit ridiculous. You were staring at it the other day in the middle of the goddamn mess hall, like some depraved freak.
Or maybe you’re just deprived. Maybe you just need to get laid so you can stop ogling your best friend like he’s the finest cut of perfectly cooked steak and you haven’t eaten in a week.
“Lucky?” Hondo says, interrupting your spiralling thoughts with a quirked brow. “You good?”
You shake your head, blinking until the data feeds in front of you snap back into focus.
“Shit, sorry,” you mutter, clearing your throat.
You hit a few buttons and flip the comms switch.
“Rooster,” you say, eyes on the external visuals of Bradley’s current sim mission. “Radar contacts at three and seven o’clock. Engage with BVR missiles on my mark. Weapons hot?”
“Weapons hot, Lucky,” he responds. “AIM-120 locked on three o’clock target.”
Your gaze flicks to the instrument panel and HUD feed—seeing what he’s seeing.
“And try not to light up the whole sky this time,” Mav cuts in dryly—his professionalism fading as the day drags on. “Last sim, you nearly cooked Hondo’s coffee with that missile launch.”
Hondo chuckles. “That was a precision strike. Coffee was inferior.”
Your eyes bounce between the radar, sensor data, and pilot input feedback, tracking his procedure. Then the simulated missile launch sound fills your headset.
“Target’s going down,” you say. “Good shot, Rooster. Keep it tight—bandits are manoeuvring fast. Radar lock at five o’clock. High-G turn recommended.”
“Got it. Pulling seven Gs. Lining up for a guns pass.”
“Hope you’re smoother than your last attempt,” Mav says. “Remember, trigger discipline.”
Bradley chuckles. “Roger that. I’m a professional… mostly.”
Maverick laughs too, lounging back in his chair, thoroughly enjoying not being the one in charge. You roll your eyes and refocus on the data feeds, watching as Bradley successfully finishes the sim.
“All targets neutralised. Nice run, Rooster.”
“What was my time?” he asks eagerly.
“You’ll find out in Monday’s debrief,” you reply.
“Did I beat Hangman?”
You roll your eyes. “Sim complete. Control out.”
You cut the comms and turn to Maverick. “Want to call it a day?”
He sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It is Friday. We could give them a choice.”
You arch a brow, silently asking him to elaborate.
“Go home or let the back-seaters have a go in the hot seat.”
Your lips curl into a smirk. “Oh, I think I know what the answer is going to be.”
Ten minutes later, after Hondo retrieves the rest of the squad from the debrief room, Mickey is seated in the pilot’s seat and the others are crammed into the control booth behind you. The excitement is palpable—everyone watching the data feeds with a mix of curiosity and anticipation.
“Alright, Fanboy,” you say through the control mic, flipping a few switches on your console. “You’re up.”
“What’s the scenario?” he asks, adjusting the straps like they might protect him from what’s coming.
“Nothing fancy,” you reply. “Just a soft sim. Basic intercept, two bogeys, no weapons fire. You’re just flying the pattern.”
“So… a baby sim?”
“Basically. You’ll be fine.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“Which one is go?” he asks, pointing vaguely at the throttle quadrant.
You slap your forehead. “You’re joking, right?”
“I’m not a pilot,” he says, almost offended. “My job is to press the red button and whisper sweet nothings to the radar.”
“That explains so much,” you sigh, rolling your eyes. “It’s the throttle. Left side. The big one.”
“Oh. Sure. Of course. Totally knew that.”
He moves it gingerly, like it might explode—and the sim lurches forward, making him let out a sound that’s way too close to a yelp.
From behind you, Reuben cackles. “Dude’s gonna crash before he clears the runway.”
“Shut up!” Fanboy shouts from inside the cockpit. “I am a majestic flying machine.”
You snort. “You are a danger to national security.”
“Luckyyy,” he whines, tipping his head back against the seat. “Help me. I’m in a metal coffin and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
You sigh—loudly—and get up, grabbing your headset as you move out of the control booth.
“I’m coming in,” you mutter.
You swing the cockpit open and climb inside like you’ve done a thousand times before, stepping up beside him.
“Okay,” you say, leaning forward. “Feet off the pedals. Hands off everything. Just look at what I’m doing.”
“Yes, sir,” he says with a little salute. “Watching and learning.”
You roll your eyes so hard it hurts. “You’re lucky I like you.”
“I know,” he says, grinning now.
You flip the right switches, get him levelled, and the sim steadies out.
He exhales. “Okay. Okay. I’m flying. Right?”
“You’re flying,” you say. “Barely. But still.”
He glances up at you. “Am I your worst student ever?”
“Top three,” you say sweetly. “But I have faith. Now throttle up. We’ve got some baby bogeys to chase.”
Mickey grips the controls for dear life, knuckles turning white. The sim jerks forward awkwardly as he pushes the throttle, and you can practically hear the panic rising in his voice. “Uh… okay. I think I’m moving? Maybe?”
You step closer, trying not to crack a smile. “Just keep it steady. You’re flying a jet, not trying to take off in a rocket.”
He leans forward, squinting at the instruments. “Which one’s the afterburner? The big red button?”
“Don’t touch the big red button,” you snap, slapping his hand away. “Just keep the nose up. Remember your basic turns—left, right, not a nosedive.”
The sim bucks suddenly.
“Oh no! No, no, no!” he exclaims, eyes wide and face pale.
You bite back a grin, keeping your voice steady. “Relax. You’re doing fine. Just… don’t crash.”
But it’s too late.
The simulated alarms start blaring and the screen flashes red: Warning! Critical altitude!
“Fuck! Uh, do I pull up? Or…”
“You eject,” you say dryly.
“Eject?!” Mickey’s voice cracks as he looks frantically across the controls. “How do I do that?”
You point at the eject handle. “That thing right there. Pull it now before you break the simulator.”
With a loud mechanical whoosh, the sim jolts violently as Mickey’s ‘ejection’ sequence initiates.
You laugh softly, shaking your head. “Well, that was impressive. The quickest crash I’ve ever seen. But hey—points for dramatic exit.”
Mickey groans, covering his face with his hands. “Can we try again? But with less dying?”
You pat his shoulder. “Maybe next week. I think you need a little more ground school.”
He sighs and stands up, hanging his head as he exits the cockpit. You can only imagine the scene waiting for him in the control booth, a small part of you actually feeling a little sorry for him. Because if these pilots are anything, it’s cocky—and the last thing they need is someone, especially a squadmate, proving that what they do is kind of legendary.
“Alright, Floyd,” you say into your headset, feeling heat curl behind your ribs. “You’re up.”
A few minutes later, Bob climbs into the cockpit, adjusting his headset as he awkwardly manoeuvres into the pilot’s seat.
“Do you want me in or out?” you ask, trying not to sound like you want to stay in the cramped space with him.
His eyes are wide as they scan the control panel. “Uh, in. Please. If that’s okay.”
You nod, biting your bottom lip to hide a stupid grin. “Of course.”
He settles in, straps up, and lets his hands hover hesitantly over the controls.
“Mav,” you say, “is the sim reset?”
“Confirming sim reset. You’re good to go,” he replies.
“Okay, Bobby.” You lean in beside him, ignoring how his warmth wraps around you—his scent filling your nose and making your head spin. “You ready?”
He nods, jaw tight, eyes locked on the instruments in front of him.
“Alright, relax. You’ve got this,” you mutter, shifting just a little bit closer. “Feet on the pedals. Throttle up slowly.”
He moves cautiously, brows drawn, and the sim lurches forward—but not violently—before steadying under his grip.
“See,” you say with a soft smile. “Already doing better than Fanboy.”
He chuckles quietly, almost breathless.
“Now keep her steady.”
“Trying,” he mutters, eyes flicking between the HUD and display screens like he’s done this a hundred times—except for the white-knuckled grip giving him away. “This is a lot harder in practice.”
You laugh softly. “This is the fun part.”
He exhales hard through his nose, adjusting his grip. “Are they supposed to be this sensitive?”
“They’re not sensitive. You’re just heavy-handed,” you say, nudging his wrist lightly. “Small movements. Gentle.”
He hums like he’s not sure he believes you, but follows the instruction anyway.
You lean a little closer, pointing to a flashing radar contact. “You’ve got one on your left—easy turn, then line up a missile lock.”
Bob squints at the data, then at you. “Define easy.”
“You know, not what Fanboy did.”
He huffs another quiet laugh, fingers moving more confidently now as he banks slightly left and steadies his line.
“There we go,” you say. “See? Not so bad.”
His eyes flick toward you, only for a second. “Only ‘cause you’re here.”
You glance at him—but his focus is already back on the screens, tongue caught between his lips in concentration. Your heart thuds a little harder, breath catching as the cockpit suddenly feels a whole lot smaller.
You’re crouched beside him—arm pressed against his, knee nudging his thigh—and all you can think about is that goddamn image of him in those stupid little boxers and everything it did to your insides.
If it weren’t for the cameras, live feeds, and multi-million-dollar equipment in here, you might be seriously considering jumping his bones right now.
“Uh, Lucky,” Bob says, clearing his throat. “Noise.”
You shake your head, refocusing. “Alright, you’ve got tone. Fire.”
“Fox three,” he says, flicking the switch—and the target explodes a beat later.
You grin. “Nice shot.”
He looks over at you again, eyes wide and shining, cheeks pink, and chest rising a little too quickly. “What’s next?”
“Bring her around. Evasive manoeuvre. You’ve got a bogey on your six.”
He shifts quickly, throttle pulling back.
“Flaps down. Come into a right bank,” you instruct, watching him move a little smoother this time.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says under his breath, completely focused.
It shouldn’t make your pulse spike. Or have you shifting your weight, pressing your thighs together, suddenly too aware of your own skin. It shouldn’t mean a damn thing.
Yet those few words, coming out of his mouth, tighten that knot behind your hipbones until it aches.
“Jesus Christ,” you mutter.
“What?” he snaps, panic lacing his tone.
“No—Nothing. Just pull up five degrees, you’re drifting.”
He does so without hesitation.
Your eyes flick across the data feeds, checking everything like it’s second nature—because for you, it is. It’s as easy as breathing.
“I’m impressed, Floyd,” you say, offering a small smile. “With a little more practice, you could probably swap seats with Phoenix.”
Natasha’s voice crackles in your headset a second later: “No way he’d be flying this well without his lucky charm. So unless you’re planning to ride on his lap, I think I’ll stay on the stick.”
Bob’s eyes go wide, and the sim shudders as he struggles to maintain control. An alarm blares, but you’re already moving, one hand wrapping around his to keep the sim steady—and avoid another Mickey-style disaster.
“You told them?” he asks, not angry—just flustered.
You glance sideways at him, still holding steady, a sheepish smile pulling at your lips. “Phoenix saw my name in your phone. She guessed.”
He shuts his eyes with a sigh, cheeks flushing.
“Hey!” you nudge him with your knee. “Pilots don’t get to fly with their eyes closed. Focus.”
He huffs a breath, straightening in his seat, brow furrowed again. “Right. Sorry. I got it.”
“You sure?”
He nods, firm, and you slowly let go, easing back into position beside him.
The sim levels out, alarms silenced, radar clear—and Bob exhales like he’s been holding his breath the whole time.
“Okay,” you say. “Let’s bring her in. Easy descent. Keep your nose up just a touch—perfect. Throttle back.”
He moves with steady hands now, more confident than when he started, guiding the simulated jet toward the landing zone with practiced care. The wheels touch down on virtual tarmac, and the whole simulator gives a soft jolt before going still.
The screen flashes: MISSION COMPLETE.
You blink, a little stunned. “Holy shit.”
Bob whips off the headset, hair mussed, cheeks flushed. “Did I actually—?”
“That was amazing,” you say, grinning at him. “You nailed that.”
He scrambles out of the seat, turning toward you, half-tripping over a strap—and—
He falls forward.
You try to dodge, but it’s no use. He crashes down on top of you, sending you flat onto your back on the simulator floor, your head knocking against something on the way down.
“I—sorry—oh, God—” he stammers, eyes wide.
He braces a hand on either side of your head, face hovering just inches above yours.
“Are you okay? Your head—”
Your giggles cut him off, laughter spilling out as you lay beneath him, one hand rubbing your head and the other caught somewhere on his waist.
“I—I’m okay,” you manage, breathless and blushing, if slightly concussed. “Guess I’m a good luck charm and a crash mat.”
He lets out a quiet, unsteady laugh, chest pressed flush to yours, breath ghosting over your cheek.
“Phoenix is right, you know?” he says, voice soft. “I couldn’t have done it without you here.”
Your laughter fades, breath catching.
There’s a beat—just one long, tight heartbeat where he leans in, eyes darting between yours and your lips like he might actually do it. Like he’s about to close that distance.
And then—
The sim door yanks open with a loud clang.
“BOBBY!” Mickey exclaims, his grin upside down from where you’re lying. “Oh, shit, are you two making out?”
Bob scrambles to his feet, very awkwardly given the severe lack of space. “No! I wasn’t—I didn’t—”
“Technically, he tackled me,” you say, sitting up and holding out a hand for Bob to help you.
Once you’re both upright, you climb out of the sim and into the chaos of the squad, all cheering and clapping like he just landed an actual carrier op.
“Hell yeah, Floyd!” Javy says, clapping him on the back hard enough to make him stumble.
Reuben chuckles. “I thought you were gonna puke, but that was clean as hell!”
Natasha smirks, arms folded as she steps up. “Guess that lucky charm really works.”
You roll your eyes, trying to play it cool—but your skin is still humming, your heart still racing. And Bob?
Bob won’t stop glancing your way. Because the mission might be over, but whatever just happened between you two is still very much mid-flight.
After everything calms down, Maverick congratulates Bob on not crashing—giving Mickey a very pointed look—and dismisses the squad. They gather their things from the briefing room and file out slowly, leaving you to finish filing the post-sim report.
“We’ll meet you outside?” Natasha asks, hesitating at the door.
You nod. “Yep. Won’t be long.”
“Good. We’re going to the bar to celebrate Bob’s success and Mickey’s disaster.”
You snort softly, eyes dropping back to the tablet in your hand. “Sounds good.”
Her footsteps fade down the hall, and you type through the report with quick, practiced fingers.
Your heart still feels like it’s in your throat, beating too fast and too hard. Your cheeks are hot, your lungs are tight, and you swear you can still feel every inch of where Bob’s body had been pressed against yours. And God—it was a lot.
If you’re honest, you don’t really want to go to the bar. Not just because you’re there too often already—but because you’d rather go home and get off to that stupid picture of Bob in his moose boxers while thinking about his body on top of yours.
You shake your head, exhale hard, and tap ‘submit’ on the report. Then you tuck the tablet into your bag, throw it over your shoulder, and flick the lights off on your way out.
The corridor is dim, lit only by the glow of late-evening sun spilling through the high windows, washing the vinyl floor in hazy orange. You can hear chatter up ahead—probably the squad, waiting—and you pick up your pace.
But then you hear your name. Not your callsign—your name.
“As in Lucky?” a voice says, incredulous. “She flies F-35s now?”
“Yeah,” Bob replies, his voice unmistakable. “She’s really good. A great teacher, too. She—”
“She’s fucking hot,” the other guy interrupts.
You frown, slowing your steps as you edge closer to the wall. The voice is familiar—but you just can’t place it.
“I was always jealous of you, man,” the guy says. “Back in flight school you and her were close. And at the FRS. Don’t tell me nothing ever happened.”
“No,” Bob says quickly. “We’re just friends.”
“Shame. Still hot though, right?”
“Um... I guess.” Bob’s voice tightens—strained and uncomfortable.
“C’mon, man, relax. She’s a smoke show.”
There’s a brief pause. Then Bob clears his throat.
“I don’t really like talking about people that way. Especially not her.”
“What, you’re not into her?”
“She’s my friend,” Bob says, like that answers everything.
“Not what I asked,” the guy chuckles. “You into her or not? Because I’m not stepping on your toes, but if she’s fair game—”
Your heart thuds, heavy and fast, caught high in your throat.
“No,” Bob says. “I’m not into her. She’s a friend. I wouldn’t go there.”
That stings—but what comes next carves the breath right out of your lungs.
“She’s too intense,” he says, a sharp edge to his voice. “She’s reckless, and she can be selfish. She—She's not worth the trouble. There’s too much baggage.”
Your stomach drops. Hard.
Each word hits you square in the chest, knocking you breathless. Your head swims. Your vision blurs—not just from tears, but from that unmoored, disoriented rush that hits when the floor drops out from under you.
“Who cares about baggage?” the guy asks with a low laugh. “As long as she’s not selfish in bed—”
You turn fast, bracing a hand against the wall to steady yourself. You can’t listen anymore.
Tears fall freely now, and you don’t even care. You walk—back the other way, toward the far door, away from the voices. Away from him. You’ll take the long way around base if you have to. It doesn’t matter. You just need to get home.
Your ears ring. Your skin prickles. The sting in your eyes sharpens into something meaner, hotter—like your tears are trying to scald their way out.
His voice replays in your head, cold and clinical, like you’re a job hazard or some inconvenient mess he has to manage. Not worth the trouble? Too intense? Baggage?
Fuck. That.
Your hands are fists before you even realise it, nails biting your palms, jaw clenched so tight it hurts. He doesn’t get to talk about you like that. Not after everything. Not like you’re just some reckless, selfish… thing.
Not when he knows you. Not when he was just hovering over you, whispering soft words, looking at you like maybe you meant something.
The heat builds behind your ribs, under your skin, in the back of your throat. You want to yell. To throw something. To go back and make him say it to your face. But you don’t.
You wipe your cheeks with the heel of your hand, set your shoulders, and walk faster—like you’re chasing down a storm, or maybe just trying to outrun it.
-
That night, your phone doesn’t stop. Messages pour in from the squad—asking where you are, if you’re okay, when you’re coming to the bar. Bob even calls. Four times. But you don’t answer. Instead, you send a single text to the group chat saying you felt sick and had to go home. Technically, not a lie.
You barely sleep. You toss and turn for hours, drafting messages you’ll never send and crying into your pillow until you’re too exhausted to cry anymore. By four a.m., you give up. You pull on your gym clothes, lace up your sneakers, and run to the beach like you’re trying to outrun years of friendship.
You spend the whole weekend in self-imposed exile, licking your wounds like a cornered animal. No music. No TV. No calls. You just want to sit in it—the heartbreak, the fury, the raw, awful ache of it all—because for once, you don’t want to get over it.
Because it was Bob.
Bob Floyd, who’s been sweet and steady and quietly wonderful since the day you first met him—always looking at you like you’re the only thing that really matters. He knows you, sometimes even better than you know yourself.
Or at least, you thought he did. And maybe that’s what hurts the most.
Because you’ve loved him, in one way or another, for a long time. And now he’s the one who broke your heart.
Sweet, considerate, doe-eyed Bob Floyd.
Fuck that guy.
By Monday morning, you’re feeling a lot less dramatic and a lot more focused on work. You just want to get this little program done, get the squad up to date with fifth-gens, and then you can go about avoiding Bob Floyd until one of you inevitably gets restationed. But until then, you have to at least be civil. You don’t have a choice.
The squad is already half-settled when you walk into the briefing room, just a couple of minutes late—intentionally. If you arrived any earlier, someone might’ve tried to talk to you. Joke around. Ask where you’ve been. And you’re not really in the mood for chit-chat.
So you walk in with a neutral expression, eyes trained forward, coffee in one hand and tablet in the other.
From the corner of your eye, you can see Bob sitting in his usual spot at the front, hands folded tight in his lap. He glances up the second the door opens—and breathes. It’s so visible it’s almost a shudder, like he’s been holding it in all weekend.
You don’t answer. You just keep walking until you reach the desk, setting your coffee down before turning to face the room.
“Let’s talk about Friday,” you say, tapping your tablet to wake it up. “Three out of five of you got tagged within the first five minutes of simulated contact. That’s a problem.”
There’s a long beat of silence. A few glances are exchanged, but no one calls attention to the fact that you’re clearly skipping over the usual ‘good morning’ or any of the soft lead-ins you normally give. No one dares.
Bob’s eyes stay locked on you, his brow drawn in quiet worry. He doesn’t look away all morning. Not once.
And you don’t look at him at all.
After going through BVR refresh and radar discipline, you give Maverick a nod and he calls lunch. You keep your head down, eyes on your tablet, fussing with it as the soft shuffle of feet out the door fills the room.
Maverick walks up to you, says something about a meeting he’s being forced to attend this afternoon, and you give him a nod. Then he walks out and the room goes quiet. Until—
“Hey,” Bob mutters, still sitting in his seat.
You turn your back on him, placing your tablet on the desk and picking up your phone. “Hi.”
“That thing work?” he asks.
“What thing?”
“Your phone.”
“Oh,” you say flatly. “Funny.”
Silence stretches between you—thick and heavy—full of words left unsaid, and a few that never should’ve been heard.
“So,” he finally says, pushing to stand, “you feeling okay?”
“Yeah,” you mutter, opening your email like it’s suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. “Just an upset stomach. I’m fine now.”
“Really?” he presses, stepping closer.
You sigh heavily and look up—not at him, just at the back of the room. “Really, Bob. I’m fine. Sorry I didn’t answer your calls, I felt like shit. Just wanted to sleep and watch movies.”
“What’d you watch?”
“Back to the Future,” you say—too quickly, without thinking.
And shit. Why would you admit to spending the whole weekend watching one of his favourite movies?
“Without me?” he asks, full of mock-offense.
Your lips twitch, and you hate that they do. So you take a deep, steadying breath and turn to face him—eyes locking with his, your expression dangerously neutral.
“Do you need something?”
He frowns. “What do you—”
“Like do you have a question about what we just debriefed or...?”
“Oh.” He blinks. “Um, no.”
You nod. “Okay, good. Then you should go to lunch.”
He stares at you for a moment, eyes darting across your face, trying to decode what you’re very carefully hiding. But he can’t, because you’ve been perfecting this cool, practiced nonchalance for the past forty-eight hours and you know you have it down pat.
“Okay,” he mutters. “Lunch. Are—Are you coming too?”
You shake your head and turn back to the desk. “No, sorry. I’m going to be selfish and spend my break reviewing the sim footage I didn’t get to over the weekend.”
“That’s not—” he hesitates, clearly confused. “That’s not selfish.”
You whip back around, brows raised. “Isn’t it?”
There’s another beat—just a brief pause where he looks at you like you’re suddenly some complete stranger.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asks, voice soft.
You nod once. “Yep.”
Then you turn around, step behind the desk, and drop into the chair, opening your tablet. He stands there for a moment longer, watching you with a furrowed brow, eyes narrowed. But you don’t look at him. You just start pulling up the footage and flipping open your notebook.
Eventually, he leaves, but not without casting one last glance over his shoulder—looking like a damn kicked puppy.
You sit in the briefing room trying to focus on sim footage until ten minutes before the end of lunch. Then you sigh, stretch out your limbs, and start packing up your things for the afternoon’s training. You’re halfway to the sim building when your phone buzzes with a text from Maverick:
‘Hondo got pulled into this meeting. Use the WSOs in the booth.’
Great. More time with Bob. And this time, the room’s even smaller.
With another heavy sigh, you continue making your way toward the building—dragging your feet through hallways and up the stairs until you reach the tech staff for the usual system readiness checks. Once everything’s good to go, you sign on as controller and head into the prep room where the squad is waiting.
“No time to waste,” you say, skipping any kind of greeting. “Hangman, you’re up first. Bob, Fanboy—you’re in the booth with me. Let’s move.
Then you turn and walk out, the only sign they’re following you the quiet shuffle of boots behind you.
You get Jake set up in the sim, then slip into the control booth, taking the farthest seat and pulling your headset on without a word. Mickey settles hesitantly beside you, and Bob takes the last seat—now one person too far away to read whatever expression is on your face.
“I’ll handle comms,” you say without looking up. “Monitor the readouts, call out any anomalies. Stay focused, watch what I do, and you can run one of the later sessions.”
“Copy,” Mickey replies.
“Copy,” Bob mutters.
You can feel his eyes on you, boring into the side of your face. He’s leaning forward—very unsubtly—watching you with a creased brow as Mickey pretends not to notice the suffocating tension in the booth.
“Hangman, you ready?”
“When you are, boss.”
You tap the screen, starting the sequence. “Simulation beginning. Weapons hot in thirty seconds.”
Your eyes stay locked on the data feeds, one hand adjusting the sim’s tracking overlay, the other scribbling notes into your tablet. Everything is running clean—Jake’s flying sharp, you’re locked in, and for a moment, it almost feels easy. Peaceful.
But still, you feel Bob’s gaze. Heavy. Relentless. You don’t look at him, but you know he’s watching—trying to read between your words, between your silences, between the way you didn’t so much as glance in his direction when you walked in.
“Hangman, confirm radar lock,” you say, fingers flying over the controls with practiced ease.
“Confirmed. Two-band lock at forty-five miles. Tracking steady.”
“Maintain altitude for another thirty seconds, then begin a slow descent to angels eighteen. Push to intercept on bandit two.”
“Copy that. Repositioning.”
A beat later, Mickey pipes up, “Hey, I’m seeing a drift on the right bank—check pitch trim, two percent off.”
“Good catch,” you say, glancing at the readout to confirm. “Hangman, adjust pitch trim two percent to port. You’re drifting wide.”
“On it. Thanks, Fanboy.”
You glance over at Mickey, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Nice eyes.”
He throws you a cheeky wink before turning back to the screen. You try not to look at Bob—but you can’t help it. His cheeks are redder now, his eyes wider, and he looks… indignant.
After Jake, Javy jumps in the sim, then Bradley, then Reuben—and for him, you have Mickey run the comms. They work well together, and you only have to jump in once or twice to adjust an instruction.
Then finally, it’s Natasha’s turn.
“Bob, comms are yours,” you say. “Mickey, stay on readouts.”
Bob hesitates just a fraction too long before replying, “Copy.”
Once Natasha is strapped in and the system’s reloaded, you settle back in your chair beside Mickey. Bob shifts awkwardly two seats down, headset on, posture a little too tight to be comfortable.
“Pilot ready?” you ask.
He glances at his monitor. “Ready.”
You nod. “Run it.”
The sim lights up again, and Natasha’s voice crackles through the speakers—calm and clipped as she begins her sequence.
You fold your arms across your chest, eyes on the screen—eyes on Bob. He’s steady at first, brow furrowed in concentration, tongue caught between his lips as he tries to remember the training. But you can feel it—the edge in him. Every call he makes lands a half-second late. Every glance your way lingers too long.
He’s nervous. And you almost feel bad. Almost.
But then those words ring through your head—and if he’s going to call you intense like it’s a bad thing, then fine. You’ll stare at him—intensely—until he either screws up or helps Natasha fly this sim clean.
Your gaze flicks to a warning light, brow furrowing as you sit up straighter.
“She’s pulling too hard,” Bob says. “She should dump speed before—”
“That’s not going to cut it in the F-35,” you cut in. “You’ve got to lead the roll differently. Weight’s distributed rearward—she floats differently.” Then you glance at him, eyes narrowed. “You know… all that baggage.”
There’s a beat of silence. Bob shifts. His eyes flick between you and the screen, nerves creeping higher.
“We’ll adjust the parameters,” you say, turning back to the screen.
Your hands move across the controls as you focus on Natasha, reassuring her that she’s flying fine. Bob tries to refocus too—to keep his eyes on the feed and talk her through the next manoeuvre.
But he can’t. His gaze keeps drifting—toward you, confusion drawn tight across his brow.
You can see the frustration rising. He doesn’t get it.
But he knows something’s wrong.
- Bob -
After Natasha’s successful sim, you give the squad a quick debrief before mumbling something about catching Maverick before he heads home. Bob wants to stop you—to say something, anything, just to get you to talk to him—but you don’t give him the chance. You slip out while he’s stuck in conversation with Reuben and Mickey, too polite to cut them off.
Eventually, everyone leaves the debrief room and starts walking across base—to their cars, the barracks, or in Javy’s case, the pharmacy, because he’s now convinced he got mono from the girl he hooked up with over the weekend.
“Coyote, if you go to medical one more time this month, they’re going to assign you your own parking spot,” Natasha says, watching him split away from the group.
“You’re always exhausted,” Mickey says, rolling his eyes.
“That’s ‘cause his standards are low and his stamina’s even lower,” Natasha mutters with a smirk.
“What was that, Phoenix?” Javy asks, already halfway down the path.
“Nothing!” she calls back. “Good luck! Maybe you’ll finally get that cute receptionist’s number!”
The group laughs, because everyone knows Javy has been trying—and failing—for months to get her number.
“Doubt it,” Jake says, veering off toward the parking lot. “Dude’s got no game.”
One by one, they all drop off—until it’s just Bob and Natasha. The two of them walk in silence for a few minutes. An easy, companionable kind of quiet while Bob loses himself in his own gnawing thoughts.
“Okay,” Natasha says, stopping suddenly. “What’s wrong? You look like someone just cancelled Christmas.”
Bob glances up. “Hm?”
“Don’t hm me,” she says, propping a hand on her hip. “You’ve been weird all day. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know, I just—”
“Is this about Lucky?”
His stomach drops, nausea creeping up his throat until he’s pretty sure he can taste what he ate for lunch. He hesitates, meeting Natasha’s stare—keen eyes narrowed, brows raised. She’s not letting up anytime soon, so he might as well spill.
He sighs. “Yeah. Don’t you think she’s acting… off?”
Nat shrugs. “Maybe. A little. But everyone’s allowed to have a bad day. What makes you think it’s personal?”
“She ignored me all weekend, and she hasn’t smiled at me once today.”
Natasha rolls her eyes. “So? She doesn’t owe you a smile every day, Floyd. And she said she was sick. Maybe something happened that you don’t know about.”
“But she tells me everything,” he mutters.
“Oh my God,” Natasha groans. “You sound so entitled right now. Just because you’ve been friends forever doesn’t mean she owes you constant access. If she’s having a hard time, maybe stop thinking about yourself and just give her some space.”
Bob knows she’s right—at least partly. But he also knows you, and whatever this is, it isn’t just a bad day.
“Fine,” he mumbles. “Space. Got it.”
“Good.” She nods. “And then when things go back to normal, you two can go back to pretending you’re not stupidly in love with each other.”
Bob’s breath hitches. His heart kicks in his chest, stuttering into an uneven rhythm as he looks at her, eyes wide.
She meets his gaze, unflinching—smug and all too knowing.
“Please,” she says with a laugh. “It’s so obvious. Don’t even try to deny it.”
He doesn’t. He can’t. His thoughts are spiralling too fast to land anywhere solid.
He’s not stupid—he knows he’s in love with you. But the idea of you being in love with him? That feels impossible.
You’re so passionate, so driven—maybe a little intense, but that’s what makes people follow you. It’s why he trusts you with his life. And, sure, you’re reckless sometimes, but never thoughtless. You lead with your whole heart, and Bob wouldn’t be who he is today without you.
He knows you—your stories, your scars. He’s kept your secrets, walked with you through fire. Everything you carry—all the history, the experience, the baggage—you’ve never carried it alone.
He’s been carrying it too. Willingly.
Because you’ve always been the brightest thing in his life. And that’s exactly why he can’t imagine a world where someone like you could ever love someone like him.
“Have you stopped breathing?” Natasha asks, brows drawn.
Bob clears his throat, blinking until his vision refocuses. “Yeah—um, no. I’m okay.”
She narrows her eyes. “You sure? You look pale.”
“I am pale,” he says dryly, eyes dropping to his boots.
She snorts softly as they keep walking, heading in the general direction of the base’s front offices.
“You coming this weekend?” she asks after a beat.
Bob frowns. “Where?”
“Hangman’s birthday.”
Right. Jake’s birthday party. At a club. Not exactly Bob’s scene.
“I don’t know, it—”
“You can’t bail just because you hate clubbing,” she cuts in. “It’s not just another weekend—it’s his birthday. You don’t have to drink, just show up for a couple hours.”
Bob sighs, still watching his boots move with each step. He knows he’s going. He hates it, but he’ll go. He’s too polite, too well-raised—and Jake is his friend.
“Yeah,” he mutters. “I’ll come for a bit.”
“Great,” Nat grins. “Then at least I’ll have you, if Lucky’s still in her mood.” She pauses, tipping her head thoughtfully. “That’s if she even comes.”
After swinging by base office to pick up the squad mail—since Maverick was too busy today—Natasha drives Bob home. The car ride is quieter than usual, and Nat knows Bob is still trapped in his own head, but she doesn’t press.
Once home, Bob goes through the usual motions. He strips off his uniform, showers, changes into sweats, and starts making himself dinner. The only step missing is the one where he usually gets off with your name on his lips.
God, he knows it’s depraved, but he can’t help it. Especially now that you’re stationed on the same damn base.
Well, except today. Today he can help it, because the guilt weighs heavier than usual. He knows something’s wrong—and he has a sinking feeling it’s something he did. He just can’t figure out what.
His first thought was that stupid photo he sent—the one with him in moose boxers. He wishes he could say he had no clue what he was thinking, but God, he did. He was thinking that maybe you wouldn’t realise he was sending a damn thirst trap if it carried some other meaning. Some nostalgic, almost innocent meaning. Maybe you’d see it as a joke but still catch the way he was tensing—so fucking hard—in the mirror. Maybe there’d be a moment where he wasn’t just your best friend, but someone you could want for something more.
“Fuck,” Bob mutters, pressing his forehead against the cold fridge door. “What is wrong with me?”
Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it. That photo was a lapse in judgment—a desperate Hangman move to get you to look at him differently. And God, did it backfire.
Cute? You called him cute.
He shakes his head. Sure, the boxers weren’t exactly sexy, but cute?!
He wishes he could rewind and stop himself before he became that much of an idiot. But that’s just what you do to him. You make him stupid. That’s been the story since the day he first met you.
Back at the academy, he was smitten—instantly, though shy at first, a little guarded. Until you wore him down. It didn’t take long before he was snorting at your stupid jokes, grinning like an idiot every time you caught his eye, and spending countless nights in the study hall with you and your secret snacks, sharing headphones.
Then came flight school. Different tracks—him training as an NFO, you training to be a pilot—meant less time together. But still, you stayed close. You found ways to sneak off, to steal moments, naïvely planning futures that felt just within reach.
Almost everyone assumed you were a thing, but whenever Bob corrected them, it turned into a whole different game.
He got so sick of being asked for your number that he started making up ridiculous excuses.
‘Sorry, she doesn’t have a phone.’
‘I would, but it’s encrypted.’
‘She only uses Morse code.’
‘Do you have any carrier pigeons?’
When you both deployed after the FRS, he felt almost relieved. Almost. Until he realised that with him halfway across the world, there was nothing but the relentless demands of military life standing between you and finding a boyfriend—or worse, a husband.
But as fate would have it—or perhaps dumb luck—you both ended up stationed on North Island together. Single. Very single, as you’d told Jake before shutting him down completely.
And God, Bob wants nothing more than to make you very un-single, very fucking attached to him. But he just can’t find the guts to do it—not when it might blow up in his face and ruin years of friendship, a bond so precious he’d do anything to protect it.
If there’s even a bond left to protect. Because right now, Bob Floyd is pretty damn sure you hate him. For something he can’t even remember doing.
The chime of the oven timer startles him out of his thoughts. He spins around, turns off the heat, grabs a dish towel, and carefully pulls the tray of lasagna out. He lets it cool while cueing up the next Nat Geo doc he’s been wanting to watch, making a little nest of pillows on the couch before settling in with the lasagna in his lap.
He eats quickly, eyes flicking between the screen, his dinner, and his phone buzzing incessantly on the coffee table. He can tell it’s the group chat, but the messages are popping up too fast to follow. From what he can gather, you’re all talking about Jake’s birthday party.
When he’s finished eating, he takes his plate to the kitchen, rinses it half-heartedly, and returns to the lounge. He grabs his phone off the table and flops forward onto the cushions, sprawled across the couch, propped up on his elbows as he scrolls through the chat.
It’s mostly Jake and Javy arguing about their big birthday plans, broken up by Mickey and Reuben’s commentary, Natasha’s sharp little quips, and Bradley just reacting to every second message like he’s not even reading.
And then... there’s you.
It started when Nat made some snarky remark about Jake wearing a sparkly suit so no one forgets it’s his birthday. You replied with an innocent comment about not knowing what to wear, and Natasha—naturally—told you to send options.
So you did.
The first photo is a mirror selfie in a deep red satin slip dress that barely hits mid-thigh. The fabric clings to your hips and gapes at the chest—like it was designed to slip off a shoulder. One hand holds your phone, the other casually throwing up a peace sign, as if you’re not standing there wrapped in something that could pass for a napkin.
Bob’s mouth goes dry. His eyes go wide. And he stares for just a little too long.
The second photo isn’t a selfie—it’s been taken by someone else. Probably on the night you last wore the glittery silver dress. The flash is on and the image is a little blurry, catching you from behind, turning with a smile thrown over your shoulder. There’s a glimpse of thigh, the bare slope of your back, and a glint in your eye that knocks the air out of him.
He exhales so hard it turns into a groan. With a slight wince, he shifts and adjusts his sweatpants, already regretting every choice that’s led him to this moment.
The next one is back in the mirror. You’re leaning against your dresser—just out of frame, but Bob knows exactly what your room looks like. The dress is little, black, and absolutely criminal. It fits like sin and leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.
If Bob were standing, he’d need to sit down. But he’s already on the couch, lying down with his now painfully hard dick pressed into the cushions. How the hell do you do this to him with just a few photos?
The last one is a close-up selfie in your bathroom mirror. The flash is on and you’re standing close, angling the camera low to catch the way the fabric dips between your breasts and hugs your waist like a secret. There’s hardly any of your face in frame—just the hint of a smirk.
“God,” Bob growls, dropping his head—and his phone—as his hips begin to grind into the cushions.
This is insane. You are dangerous. Surely you know what you’re doing. You can’t be that naïve.
He almost hates that the whole squad is watching too—seeing you like this, picturing you in the ways Bob has been picturing you for years.
With another low groan, he shifts onto his back and stares at the ceiling. After a moment, he shuts his eyes—and instead of pushing them away, he lets every perverted thought he’s ever had of you wash over him.
Your body draped in that silky red dress. Your lips curled into that sinful little smirk. Your legs, on full display in those ridiculously short skirts.
He pictures you as he slips his hand beneath his sweats, fingers wrapping around his painfully hard, leaking length—stroking once, then twice. His breath stutters. His free hand grips the cushion beside him, trying to ground himself as his hips lift ever so slightly, chasing more friction.
He imagines you climbing into his lap, all warm skin and wicked intent, whispering some teasing little comment that sends blood rushing so hard through his body he thinks he might actually lose it.
His cheeks burn and his heart races, desire and need building in his chest until it’s almost too hard to breathe.
His breath catches when he pictures you arching into him—skin slick with sweat, hands tangled in his hair, whispering his name like a prayer.
He ruts up into his hand again, faster this time, lips parted and eyes still shut tight.
His movements grow faster. Rougher. Desperate.
God, he knows he shouldn’t—he knows even now—but he can’t stop.
He pictures your body beneath his—soft gasps filling the air, lips parted, eyes fluttering closed. His hands on your tits, your hips, your ass—anywhere he can reach. Everywhere. Branding you like you’re his to keep. And—
His body seizes, muscles going tight as pleasure crashes over him in hot, dizzying waves. He spills into his sweats, hips still moving, rutting up and down, chasing the fading heat until all that’s left is a breathless ache.
“Fuck,” he rasps, collapsing onto the cushions, skin flushed, heart hammering.
He lies there for a few minutes—sticky and spent—as guilt creeps in... but so does a sharp, undeniable hunger for more.
Eventually, the insistent buzzing of his phone cuts through the post-orgasm haze, and he reaches for it with his free hand, grabbing it from where it fell beside him on the couch.
The group chat is still alive with a flood of inappropriate comments and ridiculous emojis from Mickey—all thanks to your photos. Everyone’s got an opinion on which dress you should wear, most leaning toward the last one with the low neckline.
Then, at the bottom of the thread, Natasha’s name pops up again: ‘Bob, your opinion?’
Bob huffs a small, humourless laugh.
Yeah. His opinion is painted on the inside of his fucking sweatpants.
- You -
You only agreed to go to Jake’s birthday because you were pretty sure Bob wouldn’t.
Okay, that’s not the only reason—Jake’s your friend, and you’re not about to bail on his birthday just because you’re emotionally fragile. But knowing Bob probably wouldn’t show? Yeah, that made it a lot easier to say yes.
Bob’s never enjoyed clubbing—not that you can blame him—but on top of that, it’s been a weird week. You’ve softened a little, but not much. You stopped shooting him scathing looks or cutting him off mid-sentence, but you’ve still been avoiding him
You remembered how to laugh with the others—how to joke around—because the squad didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t deserve to suffer just because Bob said the wrong thing and you’re too hurt to deal with it.
But Bob? You refuse to be left alone with him. You don’t speak to him unless you absolutely have to. You don’t ask him questions. You don’t meet his gaze—no matter how many times he tries to catch yours.
Not that he’s trying all that hard anymore. If anything, he seems… quiet. Sad. Distant in a way that twists something sharp in your chest. Like he’s pulling back. Giving you space. Like he’s trying not to upset you.
And maybe that should make you feel better. Or worse. You’re not sure.
Either way, you know it’s childish. The guilt’s been gnawing at you all week. But every time you start to feel too bad, you remember what he said. How he really sees you. The way he talked about you like you were a problem. Like you were too much. And then the guilt dies out.
Because why should you feel bad when he’s the one who decided you were too intense? Too reckless? Just… baggage?
He doesn’t care about you—not the way you care about him. He doesn’t even like you. Not really.
You’re not even sure why he’s sulking so much. If he never really liked you, why does it matter?
“Holy shit, Lucky,” Jake drawls the second you step out of the cab. “All this for me?”
The dress you settled on isn’t tight, but it moves like liquid when you walk—clinging here, skimming there, draping in all the right places. It’s black, sleek, and cut low at the front, dipping between your breasts just enough to make anyone looking forget what they were saying.
The fabric is soft and slinky, catching the light in subtle waves as it shifts around your body. The hem flirts with the tops of your thighs—high enough to turn heads, low enough to play innocent if you really wanted to. There’s a slit up one side, just enough to show off a teasing flash of leg when you walk—or more, if you’re not careful. Paired with your favourite boots and a gold choker around your neck, the whole look whispers danger and dares someone to ask what you’re doing later.
“Not just for you, Seresin,” you smirk. “But since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you look all you want.”
You step up and give him a hug, mumbling ‘Happy Birthday’ against his chest as his hand drops just a little lower than it should.
“You look fucking hot,” Nat says when you turn to her.
“All for you, baby.”
She grins. “I knew you’d be mine tonight. Wanna get out of here?”
“Show me the way.”
You both start giggling, linking hands as you make your way down the little footpath toward the club’s front entrance.
“Wait, nobody move,” Mickey calls from behind. “If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.”
There’s a soft thump, followed by a little whine—probably Reuben or Bradley smacking him over the head.
“We couldn’t all fit in the cab,” Nat says. “So Bob’s picking up Coyote. Might be a little late, though.”
Your heart stutters. “Bob—Bob’s coming?”
She nods, brow furrowing. “Of course. It’s Hangman's birthday.”
“Oh.” You swallow hard, suddenly hyperaware of every inch of skin—which is a lot—on display. “Cool. Cool. That’s cool.”
“Is it?” she asks, laughter creeping into her voice.
You give her a tight smile and nod a little too quickly—not at all panicked.
“Oh, boy,” she sighs, slowing to a stop in front of the club doors. “This is going to be a fun night.”
The club is busy, but not overcrowded. There are two bars and two dancefloors, one on either side of an open-roof courtyard scattered with tall bar tables and several large booths along the back wall. Out here, the music isn’t too loud—which must be the point.
Javy has managed to reserve one of the booths for the squad, while the rest of Jake’s friends—who make up most of the bar crowd—hover around the high tables, some already drifting onto the dancefloors. It’s not early, but it’s not quite late either. The DJs—one for each floor—haven’t started dropping bangers yet, but from the vibe so far, it’s clear this place gets wild.
“My first birthday request,” Jake says as you all settle into the booth, “is a round of shots. No pussies.”
There’s a round of laughter, a groan from Natasha, and a cheer from Mickey. You, meanwhile, are more than happy to get some liquid courage into your system as soon as possible. Ideally, you’ll be halfway to shit-faced by the time Bob shows up—just enough to shut your goddamn nerves up.
A few minutes later, Jake returns with a tray of tiny glasses, each filled with that golden liquid you know is going to burn. Jake Seresin and his fucking Fireball.
“To Bagman,” Natasha says, raising her shot.
Everyone follows. “To Bagman!”
You wince as the cinnamon heat scorches down your throat, hitting your empty stomach like a lick of flame. Jake slams his glass down with a grin, Mickey gags, Reuben grimaces, and Bradley and Natasha sink their liquor with concerningly straight faces.
Bradley disappears then to get the first round of proper drinks while Jake launches into a story about his wild thirtieth—offering more detail than anyone asked for, and definitely more than anyone needed.
You laugh along with the others, chiming in here and there, but your eyes keep drifting to the door. Every time it swings open, your heart gives a stupid little jolt—only to sink again when it’s not him.
You try not to let it show. Try stay present, sipping your drink and throwing in the occasional sarcastic comment, but your thoughts keep circling.
Is he still coming? Did he change his mind because of you? What’s he going to think of this ridiculous little dress?
You shake off the spiralling questions, turning your attention back to the table just as Mickey launches into a story about his own latest birthday—which involved more tequila, less pants, and at least one stolen golf cart.
After finishing your first drink, you excuse yourself to the bathroom—partly because you sculled a litre of water before coming, and partly because you want to check yourself before Bob arrives. It’s dumb, but you don’t care. You might be mad at him, but you still want to make his jaw drop.
And if this dress does anything right, it’s making jaws hit the floor.
You walk down the short hall, passing one of the dancefloors. There are two large doors marked as accessible toilets, then the men’s, and finally the women’s. You slip inside, duck into a stall, pee quickly, and wash your hands.
The mirrors in the women’s room, though, are annoyingly small and set far too high. You can barely see below your collarbones—even when you jump, which is definitely not recommended in this dress. With a frustrated huff, you step back out and slip into one of the accessible toilets—surely that’ll have a mirror a little lower?
The accessible bathroom is spacious and way nicer than the regular stalls. There’s a black marble vanity bathed in soft, glowing light, plenty of grab rails lining the walls, and—best of all—a full-length mirror stretching from floor to ceiling, perfect for a proper once-over.
You check your dress, adjusting how it sits on your shoulders and hips, then give a little twirl. You push your boobs up just a touch, swipe beneath your eye for any smudged mascara, and slip back out into the club.
You weave your way through the crowd, the bass humming beneath your feet. There are more people now—hovering near the bars, drifting between dancefloors. You try to ignore the looks you’re getting, but a little shiver still rattles down your spine. You feel seen. Too seen.
Maybe this dress wasn’t the best idea.
You step into the courtyard and glance up, spotting the booth where your friends are and—
Bob.
He’s standing just in front of it, half-turned away, arms folded as he talks to someone inside the booth. And thank God for the distraction, because holy shit—you can’t stop staring.
He looks... different. You’ve seen him in civilian clothes plenty of times before, but tonight? Tonight, those dark blue jeans cling just right to his long legs and criminally good ass. And that black long-sleeve button-up—jet black, just like your dress—looks like it’s seconds from bursting at the seams across his shoulders and arms. It’s sharp, clean, and a devastating contrast to the flight suit you’re so used to seeing him in.
And then there are those dorky cowboy boots. Always the boots. Somehow they just make it worse. Make him more him. And that makes your thighs clench.
Then, slowly, he turns. It’s casual at first… until he sees you.
His jaw drops. Literally. His eyes go wide.
He looks like a deer in headlights. No—worse. He looks like someone just hit him in the chest with a defibrillator. You’re not even sure he’s breathing.
It takes everything in you to keep your pace steady, your expression neutral—to walk across the courtyard like your knees aren’t about to give out.
Not that he’s looking at your face. Not until you’re standing right in front of him.
“Bob,” you say, voice tight, before turning sharply toward Javy. “Coyote!”
Javy’s eyes go wide as he takes you in—then flick toward poor, frozen, shell-shocked Bob—before his mouth splits into a hesitant grin.
“Lucky,” he says, wrapping an arm around you. “You look—I mean, that dress—”
“Save it, big fella,” you laugh. “I’m sure Hangman will make up for it with a dozen inappropriate comments once he’s had a few more drinks.”
Javy chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m sure he will.”
You slip into the booth and settle beside Natasha, taking a sip from the straw of the drink she slides your way.
Bob is still standing there. He hasn’t said a word. You’re still not sure he’s breathing. He’s just staring—eyes wide, dark, and so full of something you can practically feel them dragging over your skin.
Okay—maybe this dress was a good idea.
After another round of drinks—and another of shots—everyone’s feeling a lot looser. Except Bob.
He’s nursing his coke with a tight jaw, his eyes flicking between you and whoever’s currently taking their turn staring at your boobs. It’s usually Jake.
And as much as you’d love to enjoy making him suffer, you’re not entirely sure what’s going on with him. You can’t tell if he’s pissed that you’ve been cold all week or feeling—undeservingly—protective because you’re wearing more birthday suit than dress. Either way, the way he’s looking at you is… unnerving. Almost feral.
His attention makes your skin prickle, your pulse jump. Because behind his eyes is something dark. Something dangerous. Something you’re not used to seeing in Bob.
So, like any emotionally well-adjusted person, you do the obvious thing and suggest another round of shots.
You’ve just swallowed your third nip of Fireball when you hear a frighteningly familiar voice rise over the thrum of music.
“Hangman!” he exclaims. “Happy birthday, bro!”
Your stomach drops. It’s him. The guy Bob was talking to that night.
Your eyes snap up, wide, landing on a familiar face you’ve known since flight school.
Bob’s eyes are wide too—but not with surprise. No, his are flat, dark, brimming with something else entirely. Something heavy. Tense. Possessive.
Something that doesn’t look like Bob at all.
“Harvard!” Jake grins, standing and leaning across the table to shake the guy’s hand.
They greet each other with loud enthusiasm before Brigham turns to the rest of the group—saying hello, smiling, working his way around.
He saves you for last. And you’re not nearly naïve enough to pretend you don’t know why.
“Lucky,” he says, drawing out the last syllable as his gaze drops straight to your chest. “Lookin’ good, darlin’.”
“Thanks,” you reply, plastering on your sweetest smile. “Wanna sit?”
Brigham has the choice of sitting beside either you or Bob, and with the way Bob’s trying to telepathically murder him—and the way your tits are sitting—it’s no surprise he chooses you.
“You know,” he says as he settles in, “I was just talking to Bobby about you the other day.”
Your heart lurches, but you keep your expression steady.
“Really?” you ask, voice thick with faux shock. “Bobby didn’t tell me that.”
Brigham chuckles. “Yeah, I bet. I think Bob’s been tryin’ to keep you all to himself.”
Bob’s scowl falters, a flicker of something—maybe worry—flashing across his face. Your heart stutters again. But then those words echo in your head, and with a sly smile, you shift a little closer to Brigham.
Okay, sure, you’re not attracted to the man—like, at all. In fact, you’re not attracted to anyone whose name doesn’t start with Robert, end in Floyd, and come with a pair of wide, dark blue eyes in the middle. But if it’s going to get under Bob’s skin? A little flirting can’t hurt.
After all, he’s the one who called you reckless.
“Well, Harvard,” you say, leaning in. “Fortunately for you, I don’t belong to anyone. And if you’re feelin’ lucky… maybe later I’ll let you feel real lucky.”
Javy, sitting across from you, chokes on his drink—coughing and spluttering into his hand as everyone turns toward him with confused eyes.
Except Bob. Bob’s stare doesn’t move from where your hand rests on Brigham’s arm.
You spend the next hour pressed against Brigham, nodding along as he talks about his latest deployment. Apparently, he’s just returned to North Island. After the special detachment—the one with the Dagger Squad—he was sent back to his original squadron, then reassigned here and there before finally landing back in San Diego.
You couldn’t repeat a single detail if your life depended on it. Because all you’ve been able to focus on is Bob.
The way he keeps glancing over, the way his posture shifts every time Brigham leans closer, the sharp tick in his jaw. His knuckles are white around a lukewarm bottle of coke, and he hasn’t said more than a few words since Brigham sat down.
The more you drink, the bolder you feel. You start meeting Bob’s gaze when you catch it—at least, when it’s not locked on Brigham—and every time you do, your pulse jumps. And with each slow, alcohol-fuelled beat, the urge to confront him grows. To finally ask what the hell he meant that night. To find out if your friendship actually means anything to him—if it ever meant anything at all.
But just as you part your lips to speak, Jake jumps up and declares it’s time to hit the dancefloor.
You cling to that interruption like a lifeline.
Because as you slide out of the booth and watch Bob disappear into the crowd—heading toward the bathrooms, not the dancefloor—you realise confronting him now, like this, is only going to end badly.
The music shifts as you step onto the dancefloor—heavier bass, deeper tempo, something slow enough to roll your hips to and fast enough to forget why you’re here. Lights flicker overhead, casting streaks of colour as you melt into the crowd. Brigham finds you in the haze, hands landing low on your hips like it’s second nature, and you don’t bother correcting him. Even if it feels… wrong.
You sway with the rhythm, arms draped loosely around his shoulders, fingertips grazing the hair at his nape. You laugh at something he says—not that you heard it—but the sound slips easily enough from your lips.
For a moment, it’s easy to pretend—until you see him.
Bob.
He’s leaning against the far wall just beyond the edge of the dancefloor, half-turned toward Bradley like he’s part of the conversation—but he’s not. His posture’s easy, arms folded, one boot crossed over the other. But even from across the room, he doesn’t quite fit.
Sweet, awkward Bob. All long limbs and stormy eyes in a neon-drenched club that makes no sense around him. His body’s turned toward his friend, but his eyes?
They’re on you. Locked. Unmoving.
There’s something electric in his stare. Not soft, not sweet—hungry. It holds you there, stills your breath, makes the air around you feel thicker. He’s not blinking. He’s not smiling. He’s just watching, like you’re the only thing in the room.
And you feel it.
The heat rising up your neck. The low, tight pull in your belly. That wild, reckless urge that’s been coiled in your chest since he walked in.
So you play it up. You let your head tip back, let your body roll with the bass, just a little slower, a little deeper. You lean closer to Brigham, letting your fingers trail down the front of his chest like you’re having fun—like you’re not thinking about Bob at all.
But you can still feel that stare. Like it’s touching you. Burning through you.
When your eyes find his again, he still hasn’t moved.
The beat throbs under your heels. Brigham’s hands stay loose on your hips. The lights flash, the alcohol hums in your blood—but none of it matters. One song blends into the next. Bob never looks away.
You try not to keep looking. But you do. Because the longer you stay on that dancefloor with a man you don’t care about, the longer Bob stares.
Still against the wall. Still pretending to talk. Still watching you.
So—after three boring songs—you smile, tilt your head, and let your hand trail down Brigham’s chest again, moving slower, closer.
You catch a flicker of movement in your periphery. And when you glance over again, Bob is gone. Your heart skips, but before you can even fully turn, fingers wrap around your wrist—warm, firm, unrelenting.
Then he’s there. Beside you.
He moves quickly, taking you with him as he strides across the dancefloor with dark eyes and a clenched jaw, weaving through the crowd like it isn’t there. He looks out of place—so out of place—but he doesn’t care. Not now. Not with purpose in every step and his hand on you like he’s never letting go.
He doesn’t say a word. Just pulls.
Past dancing strangers, through the heavy heat of the club, and into the dim hallway outside the bathrooms—where the music dulls just enough, the air shifts, and suddenly there’s only the two of you.
He lets go of your wrist like it burns him. “What the hell are you doing?”
You blink. “Excuse me?”
Bob’s chest rises and falls, his eyes wild. “What—What are you doing?”
“What’s your problem?” you bite back.
“My—? My problem?!” His voice pitches up as he drags a hand through his hair. He laughs once—dry and disbelieving. “I—I don’t know. I wish I knew. But you’ve iced me out all week, and now you’re doing this?”
“Doing what?” you demand.
“This! This isn’t you! This is—it’s—I don’t know, it’s—”
“Reckless?” you cut in. “Intense? Oh—sorry. Is my baggage showing?”
He flinches. You see it—clear as day. Like the words punched him in the gut.
You’ve never seen Bob like this—so worked up, so flustered, like he’s been holding something back for too long and it’s finally starting to slip. His jaw is tight, his cheeks are flushed, and there’s a fire in his eyes that doesn’t quite fit the Bob you know.
He looks tense. Frustrated. On edge. Not at all like someone who doesn’t care.
And that’s the most confusing part.
“Why would you say that?” he asks, voice dropping, shoulders sagging.
“I didn’t,” you reply. “You did. Last week.”
He takes a deep breath and tips his head back, realisation settling heavy and hard. “God. Lucky,” he sighs. “I didn’t—”
“Save it, Floyd,” you cut in, voice rising over the music. “I don’t want excuses. Or lies. If that’s how you really felt about me, you should have just said so. I wouldn’t have burdened you with my friendship all these years.”
He shakes his head. “No. That’s not how I really feel. I—I didn’t mean those things, I just—”
“Then why would you say it?”
He hesitates, brow furrowing. “Why didn’t you tell me you overheard?”
You huff, disbelieving, throwing your hands up. “Seriously? What would you have done if you heard me talking shit about you?”
“I—” His breath catches, his eyes dropping to your chest, just for a second, before snapping back to your face. “I don’t know. But you should have said something. God. Lucky, you don’t understand.”
You fold your arms—very aware of what that does to your breasts. “Understand what?”
“That I’m in love with you,” he blurts out, each word sharp and undeniable. “I’ve been in love with you for years. Since the first day I met you. And I said those things because—because that’s what I do. I keep you to myself. I tell guys you don’t have a phone. Or that you’re gay. Or—or that you only communicate with fucking carrier pigeons.”
Your breath catches sharp in your throat. Emotion rises in your chest, wild and fierce. The world feels unsteady, like you’re caught in a dream—sounds blur, lights twist and shimmer at the edges of your vision—and Bob fucking Floyd just told you he loves you.
“I’m sorry I said those things,” he says, stepping forward, voice lower now. “But I’m also sorry I’ve lied to you for years. Because I love you more than you know. And—and I’ve cockblocked you more times than you know too.”
His lips twitch into a nervous, watery smile—half proud, half terrified. His eyes are still wide, still a little dark, but now so full of hesitation it makes your heart ache.
He’s never told you because he doesn’t think you love him back. Even now, he’s bracing for the blow. Waiting for the laugh, or the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech.
God. He looks so sweet. So nervous. So heartbreakingly Bob Floyd—even in the middle of this stupid club with its stupid lights and its stupid music.
Without a word, you grab his wrist and shove open the door to one of the accessible bathrooms. You step inside, drag him in after you, and let the door fall shut—sliding the lock into place with a sharp click that echoes like a gunshot.
“What are you doing?” Bob asks, voice low, unsteady.
He’s backed up near the vanity, caught in the soft overhead light. It sharpens the lines of his jaw, glints off his glasses, and makes his eyes look lighter—more exposed. He looks completely out of place here. Nervous. Overwhelmed. Already unravelling.
“Making sure you can hear me,” you say, your voice softer now as you take a slow step forward.
The room doesn’t feel nearly as spacious as it did earlier. The air is thick—charged and humming with everything unspoken, everything the two of you have been holding in.
Bob nods. Barely. His hands twitch at his sides, his eyes glued to the floor—like he’s bracing for impact, waiting for the moment you let him down gently, tell him he’s just your friend and nothing more.
You close the distance, lift a hand to his jaw, and tilt his face up—until he has no choice but to look at you.
“I want you to hear me when I tell you that I’m in love with you too, Bob Floyd.”
His eyes go wide. A breath escapes him in a soft, stunned gasp, his cheeks flushing even deeper. “You what?”
“I love you,” you say, steadier now, lips curving into a soft, slow smile. “I always have. I don’t know how we both got so stupid, but God… I was wrecked when I heard you say those things. I love you so much I was ready to ask for reassignment just to get away. I love you so much I haven’t even thought about loving anyone else since the day I met you.”
He blinks hard. His chest rises and falls like he’s forgotten how to breathe.
“You love me?”
“Yes, you idiot,” you say, fingers curling into the collar of his shirt. “Now fucking kiss me.”
You pull him down—and he doesn’t hesitate.
One hand grabs your waist, the other tangles in your hair as he crashes into you, mouth on yours like he’s been holding back for years. It’s not gentle. Not careful. It’s messy and breathless and full of all the things he never said. His lips are hot, desperate, a little clumsy at first—but God, he learns fast.
You gasp against him, and he takes it like a reward, deepening the kiss as he walks you backward until your tailbone bumps the edge of the vanity. Then he’s lifting you—strong hands beneath your thighs, gripping like he’s afraid you’ll vanish—until you’re perched on the counter, legs parting to pull him in.
The marble is cold beneath your bare skin, but his body is warm between your thighs.
He kisses like he means it. Like he’s starved. Like he’s been on fire from the moment he saw you in that dress and now he’s finally letting himself burn. His hands are everywhere—your hips, your waist, your jaw. His mouth barely leaves yours, just enough to breathe before he’s right there again, hungrier this time.
You twist your fingers in his hair and pull, and he groans—deep and low, like the sound was dragged straight from his chest. His glasses slip crookedly down his nose, but he doesn’t bother fixing them. You catch the way his eyes darken even further behind the askew lenses, wild and hungry.
“This stupid dress,” he breathes against your lips, voice thick with want.
His hands roam possessively beneath the fabric, fingers digging into your waist as he grinds his cock against you with a needy roll of his hips. You feel the thick, hard press of him right where you need it, and the heat between you sharpens—filthy, hungry, and impossible to ignore.
“God, Lucky...” he rasps, voice rough as gravel, lips nipping at your neck.
Your fingers find the collar of his shirt, fumbling with the buttons as his wet mouth trails along your collarbone. When he finally looks up, his glasses catch the light—glinting at a wild, crooked angle.
“You look ridiculous,” you tease with a smirk.
He flushes, just the slightest hint of insecurity flickering through his fierce gaze.
“Ridiculously fucking sexy,” you whisper, leaning in, lips brushing his jaw.
His hands explore with increasing urgency, and you arch into him, breathless and burning.
“Lucky...” he growls, voice low and ragged. “I need you.”
You pull him closer, heart pounding. “Then take me.”
That’s all it takes. His hands are moving instantly, pushing your dress down over your shoulders in one fluid motion. Your bra follows—tugged down and discarded with zero ceremony—because he’s not wasting a second.
Then he’s on you. Everywhere.
His mouth is hot and open against your skin, dragging across your chest in feverish, reverent kisses. He palms your breasts like he’s dreamt about this—like he’s memorised them in his sleep—and he’s not shy about it either. His thumbs roll over your nipples, teasing until they’re tight and aching, and when you gasp, he hums like he’s pleased with himself.
He nips your collarbone, teeth just shy of cruel, then licks away the sting as he trails lower—lips, tongue, breath—until he closes his mouth over your left nipple.
Your hips jerk. You don’t mean to, but you can’t help it. Desperation coils hot and deep in your core, tightening with every flick of his tongue.
His hand finds your other breast again, rougher now, pinching lightly at your nipple as he sucks, and you can feel his smirk even as his mouth stays latched to your skin
“Bob—fuck,” you breathe, eyes fluttering shut. “Your mouth—”
He pulls back just enough to blow cool air over your wet nipple, and your back arches, involuntary, like he’s got a string tied to your spine.
“What was that?” he murmurs, lips brushing your skin. “You wanna fuck my mouth?”
You groan again—louder, needier—as he shifts to your right breast and sucks hard, deep, slow, like he’s trying to ruin you one perfect kiss at a time. Your thighs clamp tight around his hips, grounding yourself against the pressure of his body, the friction of his jeans against your bare legs, the delicious hardness pressing between them.
He moans into your skin, and the sound vibrates straight through you.
“Bob—” you gasp, voice thin, shaky. “N-Need you. Now.”
He finishes with a soft bite to your nipple that makes you jolt, then drags his mouth back up to yours—kissing you hard, deep, claiming. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging, rougher than you mean to. He groans again, like he likes the sting.
Then he grinds against you.
His hips roll forward, dragging the full, thick length of him right against your soaked core, and you gasp into his mouth. There’s too much friction, too much heat, not nearly enough relief. Your thighs twitch around him, clenching on instinct.
“Bob,” you say again—this time low, warning, wrecked.
“‘S okay,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek, your jaw, your throat. “I got you.”
His hands slide down your body, slow and possessive, until they find your hips. He squeezes, hard—fingers digging in like he’s trying to anchor himself—and then pushes your dress up, bunching the soft fabric around your waist. And now there’s almost nothing between you.
His breath catches. He pulls back just enough to look—and groans, deep and guttural.
“You’re perfect,” he says, reverent and hungry all at once. Then his mouth is back on yours, more desperate this time, like he’s seconds from losing control.
Your hands fumble at his shirt, yanking buttons through holes until you reach his belt. Your fingers work quickly, sliding the leather free, popping the button, lowering the zip. His hips buck forward when your hand brushes against him, thick and hot beneath his boxers.
“Are you sure?” he rasps, voice barely holding together.
You nod, breathless. “I’m sure.”
His lips crash back to yours, and then his hands leave you for just a second—long enough to shove his jeans and briefs down past his hips—before they’re back, gripping your thighs, pulling you closer to the edge of the vanity.
His thumbs dig into your skin, like he needs to feel you everywhere. And God, the bruises are going to kill you tomorrow—but you want every single one.
You reach between your bodies, sliding your hand into the space between his low-slung jeans and your bare thighs. He jerks at the first touch—his breath catching, hips stuttering forward.
“Fuck,” he chokes, voice ragged. His forehead drops to yours, like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.
You wrap your fingers around him—hard, hot, thick—and stroke once, slow and firm.
He groans, deep and broken. “Jesus, Lucky—don’t… don’t tease.”
You bite back a grin, stroking again just to feel him twitch in your hand. “Then hurry up and fuck me.”
That shatters whatever was left of his restraint. His hand finds the thin scrap of fabric between your legs and pushes it aside, fingers grazing through the wetness there. His breath hitches again.
“You’re already—” He swallows hard. “God, you’re so wet.”
He grips your hip, braces his other hand behind you on the counter, and meets your eyes—searching, asking—before he thrusts forward.
Slow at first. Deliberate. Like he wants to feel every second of you stretching around him.
You gasp, spine arching, mouth falling open. He’s thick, the stretch almost too much, but your body gives way like it’s been waiting for this. For him.
“Holy shit,” he groans, jaw slack as he sinks into you. “You feel—fuck. So good. So good.”
You clutch at his shoulders, nails digging in, and he starts to move—deep, rolling thrusts that drag moans from your throat before you can stop them. His glasses are still askew, fogging with heat, and you’re obsessed with how he looks like this—wrecked, gorgeous, utterly undone.
His hands find your waist again, yanking you flush as he grinds into you with a frantic, desperate rhythm that makes your knees tremble. One hand drags up your side, fingertips blazing a slow path over your ribs before curling over the swell of your breast.
He palms it—rough, reverent—thumb circling your nipple, making your back arch and pulling a gasp from your throat that turns into a whimper.
“I love you,” he growls, voice low and wrecked, like the words are being dragged out of him. “So fucking much.”
Your chest clenches, aching with it, echoing the coil twisting tighter and tighter low in your belly.
“I love you,” you breathe, broken and shaky.
He groans deep in his chest and starts moving faster, hips snapping into yours with relentless force. Each thrust drags a ragged moan from your lips, each one pulling you closer to the edge. The air is thick with sweat and sex and everything you’ve both kept buried for years.
His glasses slip lower down his nose, his hair damp with sweat, his face flushed and wild—completely wrecked. He looks at you like he can’t believe you’re real. Like he’s never going to let you go.
You tilt your head back and moan—loud, shameless—the sound echoing through the bathroom with the obscene slap of skin on skin. Then your eyes lock again, and it’s too much—too hot, too filthy, too intimate. You're cock-drunk and completely gone for him, mouth parted, breath hitching as you fall apart in real time.
He crashes his mouth to yours again, slower now—deeper—like he wants to kiss you into the fucking walls. One hand still works your breast, kneading, tugging, pinching, while the other dips low, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing fast, messy circles that have you shuddering.
“Fuck,” you gasp, choking on the word. “Bob—I’m gonna—”
His thrusts grow harder, deeper, rougher—like he’s pounding the words into you, like he wants you to feel them everywhere. You’re soaked and stretched and it’s so good you almost sob.
The noises are filthy—wet and desperate, breathless moans and frantic grunts—and neither of you care. Not here. Not now. Not when this is everything you’ve both been craving for years.
“Oh God,” he groans, breath hot against your throat. “You feel so fucking good. You’re gonna ruin me.”
You’re both panting, chasing the edge, clinging to each other like you’ll fall apart without it. He pulls back just enough to see your face, and that look—wrecked, awe-struck, completely fucking gone—undoes you.
Your orgasm hits like a wave crashing through your spine, your vision going white, your legs locking around him as your whole body shakes.
Bob’s right behind you—one, two more thrusts—and then he’s groaning low, spilling inside you as he buries his face in your neck, thrusting through it, riding the high with you. You're both shaking, bodies slick, hearts pounding, still grinding, still desperate, still needing to be closer.
For a long moment, neither of you moves. You just breathe—ragged, uneven, hot against each other’s skin.
His arms are locked around you, like he’s afraid you might vanish if he lets go. You’re wrapped around him just as tight, hands curled into the back of his shirt, legs still trembling around his waist. The air is thick with sweat and heat and the fading pulse of music beyond the walls.
He lifts his head just enough to press his forehead to yours, his glasses askew, his cheeks flushed. You brush damp hair from his face and lean in to kiss him—slow this time, warm and open and sweet. He kisses you back like it’s all he’s ever known.
“I love you,” you whisper again, holding him like you mean it. Because you do. God, you do.
He presses a kiss to your temple, then your cheek, then your jaw. Slower now. Softer. Like he’s memorising you.
Eventually, you both start to move—reluctantly, lazily—helping each other straighten up, clean up. His hands are gentle as he eases your dress back down over your hips, as he finds your bra and helps you put it back on. You button his shirt for him, laughing quietly at the wrinkled fabric and the way his belt is still half-undone.
It’s domestic. Intimate. Something about it makes your chest ache.
You smooth your palms over his chest. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. And even though you’re dressed again, neither of you can stop touching—little brushes, lingering hands, kisses that start slow and deepen fast.
You’re trying to leave when his back hits the bathroom door with a soft thud, and you lean into him, mouth pressed to his. It’s messy again—smiling, hungry, all teeth and tongue and breathless sounds you wouldn’t dare make for anyone else.
He laughs into your mouth. “If we don’t leave now,” he murmurs, “we’re never leaving.”
You kiss the corner of his smile. “Fine by me.”
But then—he stills. Just slightly. And he looks at you like he’s falling all over again.
His chest rises against yours, breathless still, and then—
“Marry me,” he says. Low. Unfiltered. Like he couldn’t hold it in if he tried.
Your heart stumbles. Your breath catches.
You pull back just far enough to look at him—really look at him. He doesn’t look nervous this time. Just… open. Sure. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world to ask.
“Bob…”
“I’m serious,” he says, cupping your jaw. “Marry me.”
You blink, the world slowly tilting off-axis.
“I want you—no, fuck that,” he leans closer, voice rough with feeling, “I need you. Forever. And if we can’t have forever, then just give me this lifetime. I want to marry you. I want everyone to know that you’re mine, and I’m yours.”
He’s so honest, so sure, that for a second you forget how to breathe. You’ve never felt this much love in your life. You didn’t even know this much love existed. And the craziest part is... it doesn’t even feel that crazy. You’ve known Bob for so long that the only missing piece of the puzzle was this. Now you’re whole. You’re perfect—together. It's always been Bob, and it always will be.
So what’s the point in waiting? What’s the point in dragging it out? You already know him. You need him. You… want to marry him too.
You step in closer, holding his face between your hands. “I am yours, Bob Floyd. In this lifetime and every lifetime.”
He swallows, hard. “Is—is that—?”
“That’s a yes,” you say, grinning, before pushing up onto your toes and crashing your mouth against his.
He kisses you back with wild, joyful fervour, his arms locking around your waist as he lifts you clean off the ground, making you yelp into his mouth. If this is a dream, you don’t want to wake up. Not ever. Because in this moment, you have everything—everything—you’ve ever wanted. Everything you’ll ever need.
When he finally sets you down, you pull back just enough to catch your breath—both of you panting, grinning like idiots, completely wrecked and radiant.
“Can’t believe you just proposed to me in a club bathroom,” you say, smirking.
Bob rolls his eyes, bashful smile tugging at his lips. “Can’t believe you just said yes.”
You’re just about to kiss him again when—
Bang, bang, bang.
“Bob!” Jake’s voice cuts through the door. “Lucky! Are you two in there?”
Bob freezes. His smile drops. His cheeks flush a deep, immediate red. “Oh no.”
“We heard… noises,” Javy adds, barely holding back a laugh. “Are you okay?”
Your eyes go wide, mortified and gleeful all at once, your hand already moving to the lock.
“What are you doing?” Bob hisses, catching your wrist.
You glance at him, lips twitching. “What are we supposed to do? Live in here now?”
“Yes?” he says, eyes wide. “Or wait at least twenty more minutes?”
You snort, then gently pry his hand from yours and lace your fingers through his. “Relax, Bob,” you murmur. “At least now they’ll know what a woman sounds like when she’s getting properly fucked.”
Bob makes a strangled noise somewhere between a cough and a gasp, his face flushing bright crimson. And with that, you unlock the door and swing it open to reveal the entire squad loitering just outside, trying very badly to look casual and not like they’ve been eavesdropping at all.
Bradley whistles low, laughter threading through it. Phoenix raises a single eyebrow. Javy coughs awkwardly into his hand. Mickey and Reuben just stare, jaws practically on the floor.
Bob inches behind you, as if hiding could protect him from the coming torrent of teasing.
You just smile sweetly and squeeze his fingers. “Hey, pervs. Get a good show?”
Jake chuckles. “Only caught the second act, unfortunately. But damn, Bobby, didn’t know you had it in you to make a woman moan like that.”
Bob closes his eyes, breathing deep as his free hand squeezes your waist.
“What was all that murmuring before you opened the door?” Javy asks, brow furrowed. “We couldn’t make it out.”
You lift a brow. “Oh, you didn’t have a cup pressed to the door?”
Mickey chuckles sheepishly, holding up an empty glass.
“God,” you gasp, laughing softly. “Do any of you know the meaning of boundaries?”
“Lucky, you just fucked Floyd in a club bathroom,” Reuben says, smirking. “And you’re going to lecture us about boundaries?”
Your cheeks flush, heart pounding hard against your throat. “Actually, I just got engaged to Floyd in a club bathroom. And it was very romantic. Including the sex. So, if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to go home and let this man properly ruin me until I can’t remember how to fly a goddamn jet.”
You hear Bob choke behind you—on nothing but air—and you don’t even have to look to know his whole face is flaming red.
But it works. The squad goes quiet, all of them staring—wide-eyed, slack-jawed, somewhere between stunned and delighted.
You give them one last cheeky grin before pulling Bob away.
“But it’s my birthday!” Jake calls after you, smirk audible in his voice. “I was supposed to get fucked in the bathroom!”
thank you guys for all the love and comments on ch4 of containment initiative. i wasn’t feeling too confident when i posted it lol.
genuinely, is everything making sense? like do we understand what i’m going for w/ reader’s powers? or is it giving “2019 tower fics y/n stark with purple scarlet witch powers”?
❱❱ SUMMARY﹕ With the Void making itself known, it's time you get serious about your powers. Bucky and Yelena help you find an outlet, while Valentina closes in on you. Bob lets it be known how he feels about everything.
❱❱ WARNINGS ﹕ profanity, violence, trauma, eventual smut, psychological horror, mentions of: needles, injections, torture, and human testing
❱❱ NOTES ﹕ sentry is so UUURGGHH. i can fix him. i like fixing broken men. ill fix him!!!!! no beta read, i apologize for any errors i was half asleep while writing this
Bucky doesn't move. Doesn’t speak. Just watches you–watches the tremble in your fingers, the shallow drag of your breath, the way your shoulders curl in like you’re trying to make yourself small.
“I didn’t mean to,” you say eventually, barely above a whisper. “I didn’t call to it. It just… came.”
He nods. Once. But his jaw is tight.
“Did it hurt you?”
You shake your head once.
“No… no. I– I think it likes me.”
That finally gives him pause. After a few seconds, his eyes narrow. Not in disbelief or concern, but because he understands. He knows what it means when something awful decides you’re useful.
He takes a careful step foreward, gently taking your arm in his hand.
“We’re not waiting until Val finds out,” he says. “Tomorrow, we start. My way.”
“You’re doing it again.”
Bucky’s voice is grating. You’ve heard it far too many times in the past hour. He dragged you out of the tower before the sun even came up, didn’t even tell you where you were going. Some construction site in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere.
You thought it was another training session with him. The kind where you sit on the ground and hold hands for half an hour. But no, Bucky has been whooping your ass and knocking your feet out from underneath you, over and over and over.
“Doing what, exactly?”
He circles you like you’re prey–not in a cruel way, but the way someone does when they refuse to let you keep lying to yourself.
“You’re not controlling it. You’re containing it. Big difference.”
You cross your arms. “So what, I’m supposed to let it explode out of me?”
“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do,” he says, voice flat. “You’re not gonna learn how to use it until you stop being scared of it.”
He comes at you fast– not to hurt, just to pressure. You block. You swing. You fail. He knocks your legs out from under you like Yelena does.
You land hard, breath knocked from your lungs.
And that’s what does it.
The frustration. The weight of everything you’re feeling. The exhaustion, the guilt, the Void’s presence still coiled in your chest.
Your hands twitch.
You reach for the closest thing you can find– a long metal pole, sitting pretty in the dirt. You wrap your fingers around it, sit up quickly, and you swing. Hard.
Something buzzes under your skin, the pole cracking loudly against Bucky’s kneecap.
It all happens so fast you nearly miss it.
A jolt in your spine like lightning, a faint glow in your veins, then sparks shooting up the pole.
Bucky stumbles back, not from the force of the hit–but from the shock. His eyes are wide, one hand gripping his knee, the other lifted like he’s half-expecting you to strike again.
“What the hell was that?”
He breaks the silence first, gesturing at you as you drop the metal pole and move to your feet.
“I– How am I supposed to know?”
“You’re the one that did it!”
Your hands are still trembling.
The glow is gone now, but your fingers feel like live wires–like something ancient and aching just woke up inside you and isn’t ready to sleep again.
“I didn’t mean to do it!” you bark back, a little too sharp, voice cracking on the edges. “It just… it happened.”
Bucky stares at the dropped pole for a beat, then at you. The breeze kicks up some dust between you, but neither of you move to break the tension.
“Okay, okay. Just… walk me through it. What happened?”
You rub at your forearm, heart still hammering against your ribs.
“I was mad,” you mutter. “At you. At everything. And then I grabbed the pole, and it felt… different. Like I was holding a lightning rod.”
“You channeled it,” Bucky murmurs, thinking out loud. “The energy–your power. Through something else instead of your body.”
Oh.
Oh…
Bucky finally relaxes his stance, shoulders still tense but no longer on edge. He steps closer, eyes scanning your face.
“You weren’t just holding that thing,” he says. “You were channeling through it. Like a conductor. And the second you got pissed off enough to stop thinking? It snapped into place.”
You look down at the pole in the dirt like it’s a cursed artifact. “So what? I’m supposed to carry a staff around like some kind of… fucked-up Jedi?”
“If it works, yeah. I don’t care if you swing around a glow stick,” he shrugs. “If it gives your power shape, it’s worth it.”
You let out a breathy laugh. Shaky. Almost manic.
This changes everything.
Because maybe–just maybe–you’re not just some broken empath caught in the crossfire of everyone else’s chaos. Maybe you’ve got a weapon of your own.
Maybe you are one.
Bucky watches you for a long moment. Then:
“We train with it tomorrow,” he says. “Same time. Don’t be late.”
Then he turns on his heel and limps off toward the rusted truck parked a few yards away–still rubbing his knee and muttering under his breath about a “psycho chick with a lightning stick.”
You smile.
And you pick the pole back up.
The gym is quiet–too quiet for how often Yelena curses during sparring.
You’re already on your back again, panting, one wrist pinned beneath Yelena’s knee.
“Again,” she says, voice low, irritated. “You’re pulling your punches.”
“No,” you wheeze. “You just have a vendetta.”
Yelena’s lip curls. She stands, offers her hand. “Get up and hit me like you mean it.”
You take her hand and let her pull you up, but your muscles are screaming. You’ve been at it for nearly an hour, sweat dripping down your temple, the weight of the metal staff in your hand getting heavier by the second.
You lunge.
She sidesteps.
You spin with the pole–clumsy, wide–but Yelena still blocks you with ease, catching the pole with her forearm and landing a sharp jab to your ribs.
Your frustration boils over.
Not just with her. With everything.
With the Void whispering in the dark. With Valentina’s eyes always on you. With this gnawing ache inside you that wants to break free.
You shove her back.
Yelena blinks–just for a second–but that’s all it takes.
Your hands spark again. The pole lights up like a fuse. The air around you cracks.
A pulse of energy blasts off the metal, like a shockwave made of light and raw feeling,and Yelena goes flying back a full ten feet.
She rolls, lands hard on her elbow, grunting.
Silence.
You stand frozen, the pole still crackling in your grip.
The observation window at the far end of the gym lights up.
One-way glass.
You know who’s behind it.
Yelena groans and pushes herself up, eyes locking on you with something close to awe. “You’re going to give me a heart attack one day,” she mutters, breathless.
You don’t answer. You’re looking at the glass.
You can feel her.
Valentina.
Then you remember where you are and wander over to Yelena, offering a hand to help her up.
“I’m sorry.” You mutter, eyes scanning her carefully as she pulls herself onto her feet. She laughs it off and rolls her shoulders back.
“Don’t be. That was good. Hurt like hell.”
That doesn’t make you feel any better.
Yelena notices. Of course she does.
She narrows her eyes at you, brushing dust off her elbow with a grunt. “Don’t do that.”
You blink. “Do what?”
“That face. Like you kicked a puppy. You didn’t hurt me–you surprised me. That’s different.”
You open your mouth to argue, but the gym doors hiss open before you get the chance.
Both your heads turn.
Valentina walks in, heels echoing against the floor like gunshots.
Her expression is unreadable–sharp eyes fixed on you, hands folded neatly behind her back. Too calm. Too calculated.
“Well,” she says, voice light but poisonous, “wasn’t that fun?”
You step back instinctively. Yelena moves in closer to your side.
Val stops a few paces from you both, gaze flicking to the scorched edge of the pole you dropped. “I’d say you’re improving,” she continues. “Though I doubt you even realize what you just did.”
You stiffen.
“I didn’t mean to–”
“That much is obvious,” Val says, smile thinning. “But we’re well past the point of hiding behind excuses, aren’t we?”
She glances at Yelena. “You can go.”
Yelena doesn’t move. She squares her shoulders, jaw flexing.
“I said go.”
There’s a beat. Then another.
Finally, Yelena steps away, brushing her knuckles gently against yours as she passes. You feel the weight of her glance over your shoulder–protective, warning.
Then she’s gone.
Valentina waits until the doors slide shut again before circling you. Slowly. Like a hawk.
“You’ve been holding back,” she says.
You flinch. “I’m trying to learn how to control it–”
“No,” she interrupts, voice cool. “You’re trying not to lose control. That’s not the same thing.”
She stops in front of you. “What I just saw? That was the real thing. That was instinct. Power without chains. You should lean into it.”
You shake your head. “It’s not safe.”
Her voice lowers. “It is if we teach you how to own it. Not fear it.”
Your stomach twists. The Void stirs–interested. Hungry.
Valentina smiles like she knows.
“You’re more than an empath. You’re a weapon. It’s time you start acting like one.”
The air feels stale the moment you walk in. Everyone's already seated in the boardroom. Yelena, with her arms crossed, Walker slouched in his chair, Ava flipping a pen between her fingers. Bob sits the way he always does: hunched over, polite, like someone still pretending he’s not a god under the skin.
Valentina enters last.
She doesn’t sit. Doesn’t need to. Her heels click once as she stops in front of the projection wall, and the lights dim automatically.
She clears her throat.
“We’re changing protocol. Effective immediately, she’s a part of the team. She’ll be field-ready in three weeks.”
You blink.
“What?” Bucky’s voice cuts first, sharp as a knife.
Valentina doesn’t flinch. “We’ve wasted enough time with training wheels. You’ve all seen what she can do now. This team needs something stronger. Sentry can’t always be our first line of defense.”
Yelena slams a palm flat against the table. “No. Absolutely not. We’re not letting you do this again.”
Val raises a brow, the barest hint of annoyance slipping through her practiced calm. “And what exactly do you think I’m doing, Yelena?”
“You’re weaponizing her. Just like you did with him.”
Everyone knows who she means.
You can feel it then–Bob stiffens beside you. Doesn't look up, just clasps his hands tighter in front of him. His shoulders curve in just slightly, like he’s bracing for impact.
Ava looks between you and Valentina like she’s watching a slow-motion car crash. Even Walker straightens in his seat.
Bucky pushes back his chair with a screech of metal. “We agreed,” he growls. “Training, not conditioning. Support, not programming.”
“She’s already stronger than most of you,” Val says. “I’m simply allowing her to prove it.”
“To whom?” Bob’s voice cuts through the room like a wire pulled too tight.
He still isn’t looking at her. He’s looking at you.
“To herself?” he continues, his voice quiet, almost flat. “To you? To the people she’ll tear through if something goes wrong?”
Valentina only tilts her head. “You turned out fine.”
“No, I didn’t,” he hisses.
The word lands harder than anything else that’s been said. Everyone falls silent again.
Bob finally looks up at her.
“I turned out useful.”
The room stills.
“I turned out good at following orders, at destroying what you asked me to destroy. I was useful until I stopped following orders and turned New York into a shadow.”
There’s no venom in his voice. Just the truth.
Then he looks at you again–really looks at you. Like he's begging you to read between the lines. Like he’s asking you to see what he became, and run the other way.
You want to puke. You want to cry. This whole briefing is about you, but you feel completely and utterly powerless. Like nothing you have to say matters.
But you say it anyway.
“I just want to help.”
Valentina doesn’t flinch. She never does.
“Then do as you’re told,” she says, smooth and sharp like ice over steel.
It’s meant to be a final word. A dismissal.
But something’s shifted in the room.
You can feel it in Yelena’s stare, in the way Bucky’s jaw ticks like he’s clenching every word he wants to scream. In the quiet ache that lives in Bob’s eyes now, flickering gold at the edges like something just beneath the surface is threatening to break.
The silence stretches until Valentina turns, heels clicking, and the doors close with a hiss behind her.
Nobody speaks after she leaves.
Eventually, Walker mutters, “Jesus,” under his breath, and Ava throws her pen across the table. Yelena storms out.
You stay seated.
Bob’s still next to you. Still hunched, knuckles pale where they grip the edge of the table.
“Bob–” you start.
But he’s already pushing his chair back, already standing.
“Bob?”
You’re moving before you can stop yourself, nearly tripping over the wheels on your chair as you follow him into the hallway.
You’ve never seen him move so quickly, and it’s honestly irritating.
“Damnit, Bob, stop!”
He does–but only after another five strides down the hall. He stops so suddenly that you almost collide with his back.
He doesn’t look at you.
You circle around him, frustrated and breathless. “Hey. Talk to me.”
His jaw is tight. Eyes distant. There’s a flicker of gold at the edge of his irises, faint and fading.
“I told them this would happen,” he says finally. Quiet. Like the words weigh too much. “I told them the second she figured out what you could do, she’d find a way to use it.”
You blink, your heart pounding. “It’s not your fault, Bob.”
“Isn’t it?”
His voice comes out harsh, gold flaring in his irises as he steps forward, sudden and sharp.
You flinch– not because you're afraid of him, but because it’s the first time Bob’s ever raised his voice at you.
He sees it. Sees the way you tense, the way your fingers twitch like they might call your powers without you meaning to.
“You’re only here because of me. Because I needed something, someone to ground me. Now what?”
You know he’s starting to fade even before he straightens up, backing you up against the wall, nostrils flared and jaw clenched.
His voice stays low and controlled, but fraying around the edges. “Now she thinks she can use you the way she used me. Like we’re weapons waiting to be loaded.”
The gold in his eyes burns brighter, and the hallway seems narrower now.
Your back hits the wall. Not hard. Just enough for the tension to crack through your body like a taut wire.
“You think I don’t see it?” he hisses. “The way they look at you in briefings. The way she smiles when you do something new. That smile means you’re already halfway gone.”
“Bob.” Your voice is barely above a whisper. But it lands.
“No,” He replies, face inches away from yours as he holds your gaze. “You don’t get to suppress me right now.”
He takes a shaky breath, like he’s teetering on the edge.
“It’s not just her,” He whispers, a bit steadier now. “It’s Bucky and Yelena, too.”
You stare at him, stunned.
“What are you talking about?” you ask, but the words feel hollow. Because somewhere deep down, you already know.
“They’re watching you,” Bob says. “Every move you make. Every spark of power. Not because they’re worried you’ll get hurt, but because they’re afraid of what you’ll become.”
You want to argue. Want to say they care. That Bucky’s helping and Yelena’s training you to survive, not to cage you. But your throat closes around the words.
Because part of you has seen it, too. In the way Bucky's grip tightens when you lose focus. In the way Yelena’s teasing has turned sharp. In the way they look at you like you’re not fully you anymore.
You glance away. Bob doesn’t let you.
He grabs your chin, redirecting your gaze back to his.
“They're afraid because of what I became,” he says, voice shaking. “They think the same thing’s happening to you. But you’re not going to let them hold you back. Don’t let them hold you back.”
There’s something in his eyes– not cruel, not dark– but bright. Burning.
The golden shimmer behind his irises sharpens, flickers hotter. Like Sentry is rising, not to take over, but to defend.
Because he feels cornered. Because you feel cornered.
Because when Bob is too overwhelmed, Sentry steps in.
You realize it then– it’s still Bob. But it’s the part of him that’s all power and instinct, the part Valentina weaponized before he ever had the chance to choose.
You could stop him, you know that now. You could reach into the space between you and pull. You could say his name like a prayer or a plea. You could break the moment like glass.
But you don’t.
Because some part of you– the part they all keep trying to box in, muzzle, monitor– understands this version of him.
Not the broken soldier. Not the cautionary tale.
The storm.
The shimmer in his eyes deepens as he reads your silence not as fear, but permission. His hand, still at your chin, shifts and slides along your jaw, thumb ghosting your cheek.
He’s not smiling. Not leering.
He just looks.
Like he’s cataloging every crack in your armor and memorizing how to slip through.
“You’re not stopping me,” Sentry murmurs.
His voice is lower now. Steady. Like he’s not just talking to you, but to the echo of Bob inside him…the man who flinches and runs and wants too much.
“I don’t want to.”
The words hang there, heavier than they should be. They sound smaller when you say them. Like a confession. Like you’re scared of how much you mean it.
A flicker of gold catches in the light. Not a threat. Just a reaction. His pupils dilate, soaking you in.
He steps closer.
Your shoulders are still pressed to the wall, heart loud in your chest. But you don’t move, you don’t flinch.
“Stop letting everyone control you.” He whispers. It’s not sinister like the Void, it’s genuine guidance. Like he’s trying to mentor you.
“They’re trying to train you to be safe,” he whispers. “I want you to be free.”
A pause.
And then:
“I’ll never tell you to hold back.”
You should push him away.
You should pull Bob back to the surface, reach for the steadier version of him you know best– the one who whispers comfort into your hair, who makes you coffee when your hands won’t stop shaking. The one who tries so hard to be good.
But this?
This doesn’t feel bad.
Sentry steps in closer, and this time, your fingers twitch toward his. The contact is light, barely there, but it sparks something all the same. The same pulse you felt when your powers flared through the metal pole. That rush of something ancient and electric.
You let your eyes close. Just for a second.
It’s enough.
He breathes you in again, but it’s different this time. Slower. Like he’s grounding himself, not consuming you. Like he wants to feel tethered too.
“I feel you,” he whispers, so soft it almost breaks you. “Even when I’m buried. I feel you.”
Your lips part. But no sound comes out. Your voice isn’t working. Your brain’s too full of static and gold and want and fear.
“I don’t want to scare you,” he says.
“You don’t,” you breathe.
Then he leans forward. Not to kiss you, not quite.
His forehead presses to yours, and for the first time, he doesn’t feel like a weapon. Or a God, or a hero.
He just feels real.
Warmth builds between you, slow and steady this time, not like a flare but a current. The lights in the hallway hum louder. Your palms glow faintly where they touch. It’s not volatile. It’s steady.
Safe, even if it shouldn’t be.
You don’t know how long you stand there, forehead to forehead, tethered by something neither of you fully understand. But it’s quiet now. Charged, yes–but quiet. You can hear his breathing. Feel the tremble still lingering in his fingertips where they rest against your ribs.
Sentry… or Bob… or whatever blend of them this is now–he’s watching you like he’s memorizing you. Every flicker in your expression. Every uneven breath.
“You ground me,” he says, barely a whisper.
It’s not a declaration. It’s a confession. The kind that aches with truth.
You nod slowly, your hand lifting to cup his cheek.
Something flickers in his throat, like he wants to say your name but it might undo him. He leans in–not to press closer, but like he wants to share the same breath. As if you’re the last thread keeping him tethered to this version of himself. Not the monster. Not the myth. Just the man.
“You feel like…” he trails off, then laughs under his breath. It’s soft. Self-deprecating. “I don’t know what you feel like.”
“Then stop talking,” you whisper. “Just feel.”
You guide his hand up slightly, over your collarbone. He doesn't grip, doesn’t take, doesn’t claim. He asks without a word, and when your breath hitches just enough to answer him, he lets his hand settle there–gentle, reverent.
When he speaks again, it’s not Bob. It’s not Sentry. It’s the space between.
“You make me feel human.”
It punches the air right out of your lungs. Not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s honest. And there’s nothing more dangerous than a man with the power of a god who wants, more than anything, to be held.
Your hand curls into the front of his shirt. The fabric is still warm from the briefing room, from the rage he was trying to bury. And now he’s giving you all of it.
Slowly, you tug him forward. He comes willingly. No tension in his shoulders now. Just ache.
And when your lips meet, it’s not hot or heavy–it’s steady. Like something earned.
Like permission.
His hands tremble just slightly against your skin, like he’s not sure he’s allowed to want you. But you stay close enough to remind him he doesn’t have to be sure… he just has to feel.
