[valasion]

No te quiero desde la necesidad te quiero desde la elección

Por eso digo que yo quiero sentirme que me amas, por qué no me eliges, no me compartes tu vida soy por separado so una sección no una parte del entero

Quiero que me elija a mi no sé si yo esté mal por qué dice que no la entiendo y si le digo como me siento se desespera y cree que le estoy diciendo que tiene culpa o que la atacó

Como hablo de un lugar de honestidad sin hacerla sentir eso?

[valasion]

Comunicación es respeto, si eres prioridad te van a contestar sin importar lo ocupados que estén

Yo sé por que yo soy asi

[valasion]

se vuelve a cancelar lo de mi suicidio

[valasion]

Tengo que hacer un mayor esfuerzo por ser un mejor hombre. Dice que no entiendo pero no sé si soy yo o ella que no entiende.

[valasion]

I am so happy I survived

[valasion]

[valasion]

I'm here again. I'm not I'm sad or missing anything it's just I'm tired. I'm so drained but I haven't done anything to help myself I don't think. Sometimes I am afraid of dying because I want to be there for ingrid, I am afraid of dying because I have not yet woken up by her side. I feel very strongly about her. I haven't felt this strongly about anyone before. I feel overwhelming feelings for her all the time good and bad. I feel anger when they talk bad of her or when I think she's in danger. I feel anxiety when I do not hear from her. I feel happiness like I have not felt before. But I want to feel loved. She's not like me in the sense of family. She has a lot not just me. So I can't be mad at that although my feelings don't quite understand that yet.

I want to be without anxiety. I don't understand why this anxious attachment is so strong I am not doubtful of her I know she wouldn't hurt me. So what the fuck is wrong with me now?

[valasion]

I am still a lonely child wishing for things to change, the patience they so often praise is from hoping my parents would change

when the ego wears off I am still just a child playing with himself

[valasion]

Yeah maybe not again any time soon, the positivity is misplaced and in space others can't reach

[valasion]

I've also lost sense of familiarity. Which on its own may not be a bad thing

[valasion]

I thought things were different in my mind, I must just not be in sync with reality, that sucks

[valasion]

I failed someone and I think it's complete failure. It does not feel real.

[valasion]

It's not fair that I feel guilt for the things I say or even how I say them. And I have to keep having the same fight. I am not right by any standards, but I shouldn't have to explain that over and over like it doesn't matter, I want that to matter and I want to feel like the way I feel about how I'm spoken to matters too.

[valasion]

I won't let myself get mad like that again. I just lost the only good thing I had because I said something I didn't mean. And now there's no going back.

[valasion]

I would rather have lost an arm, a leg, my car, my job, anything I wish there was something I could give up in exchange I can't do this

[valasion]

the only thing I can think about is you

[valasion]

I've never truly had to suffer loss before. And now that I've ruined the only good thing I had. I don't know. I wish I had died. I wish I had done things differently so this didn't happen. I wish I didn't have to keep going without my best friend. My love. What am I supposed to do now?