Running from the sun

Hey all! The name's Danny (they/them) I'll be up front, all those fairy stories and legends you've heard? Those aren't myths. All that and more are real. How do I know? Well, you've heard of Dracula right? Yeah, I'm Dracula's younger sibling and I'm quite done with trying to "pick one" when it comes to gender. We were royalty, but now I travel all around the world documenting the supernatural underground. My home base is in Turkey (feel free to message or ask me questions)

[androidboy]

can’t blame vampires for gettin erotic. you’re already suckin on someone’s neck but also your natural state is Cold and the bloods all fresh and warm and addicting like hot cocoa but sexy

[androidboy]

like ur drinkin it and u can feel the warmth go down your throat and then it’s slowly spreading to the rest of your body like a slow petit mort and u haven’t felt that warm and alive since your last feeding and it just feels real good. like when you drink hot cocoa

[vampire-vagabond]

Why did you have to make hot chocolate so erotic?

[cryptonature]

Why do we associate skeletons with autumn and Halloween? It's simple. Some people, like trees, are deciduous, shedding all their flesh in the Fall only to regrow it again in the spring. A strong wind and suddenly you're bare bones standing in the pale, October sunlight.

[vampire-vagabond]

Ah yes, of course, deciduous humans

[baradragon]

speaking from a place of privilege (good url)

[baradragon]

some of you should not be reblogging this

[assdad]

[eminempreg]

[funnytwittertweets]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

elderly vampires working as enthusiastic museum docents

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

they continually get in trouble with their supervisor for going off-script while conducting tours. they have many opinions (and more importantly, detailed complaints) about historical time periods, having been forced to live through most of them

[vampire-vagabond]

I know what job I'm going to do next

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

remember to take are of your fangs! gotta brush your teeth for that! and please, do not try to chew on things that will hurt your mouth!!! you are a cool cryptid but you need to be sure you stay HEALTHY!

[evilkitten3]

now that i think about it, jonathan harker would’ve been a great character in frankenstein. he’s so completely oblivious to dracula’s red flag parade that he’d probably completely avert the creature’s murderous rampage by accidentally befriending him after spending a page and a half writing about some weirdly tall homeless guy with daddy issues he ran into

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

“I’ve met the most peculiar man today. He was far taller in height than I have ever witnessed before. His face gave off a general sense of ugliness, though I cant quite place why considering he seems to be quite handsome when not in animation. A multitude of scars seemed to cover his body, perhaps from a terrible accident and the subsistent surgeries. I’ve noticed that he always looks close to crying. When i asked his name, he replied, in length, that he had none. How queer! As he seemed fairly harmless, and rather in need, I invited him to accompany me on my passage to Count Dracula. He looked bewildered, but accepted. I know not whether he shall continue to accompany me when I return to Mina, but I’m quite certain she would never reject hospitality to so miserable a man!”

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

Also consider:

My dearest Margaret, so odd a stranger has joined my ship! I know nothing of him other than he seems to be some sort of European, like Victor, though not the same. He introduced himself as Count Dracula, and spoke with utmost clarity and mastery of the english language. Victor looked upon him in a rather fragile state and cried out.

“Is one demon not enough for my so miserable life? Must another specter haunt my every waking hour, even now as I am so wretched? Oh, save me Walton, save me! The devil comes near, and he dost wish to smother all hope of respite and tranquility!”

Saying such, he leaped from where he was seated on the deck, and promptly fainted. I apologized for my friend’s behavior and brought Victor back to my cabin.

Sincerely, your confused brother, Robert. W

[brain-depositary]

You know, considering Victor’s extensive experience with dismembering dead bodies and reanimating and the fact that his problem for his entire book was that he didn’t think anyone would believe him, I do sincerely think that Frankenstein would catch onto Dracula’s deal at once and immediately make it everyone else’s problem.

[evilkitten3]

victor accidentally fucking up dracula while jonathan accidentally un-fucks up the creature? sign me the hell up!

[brain-depositary]

All these posts declaring that Victor would only be able to cry and faint at Dracula seem to forget that his first meeting with his creature started with him hurling insults and trying to fistfight the 8 ft tall supernatural brick shithouse of muscle while having the constitution of a consumptive heroine so like while this absolutely wouldn’t bode well for his long term survival in Dracula’s castle you’ve gotta admit it would be way funnier.

Essentially the creature would find the one guy who’s too polite to say anything about his appearance while Dracula to his horror would have met the one man in the world who’s even more of a fucking nightmare to deal with than him.

[brain-depositary]

Frankenstein, eyes bloodshot and probably on totally normal Victorian amounts of cocaine: “Hey buddy count I found all these fresh cadavers in your basement —“

Dracula: “Vait how did you find my cadavers”

Frankenstein: “Look, I need them for reasons and you just had them laying around and were obviously not using them and they’re peasants right? So —“

Dracula: “Vhat do you possibly need cadavers for?”

Frankenstein: “I already told you, REASONS! Anyway I can’t help but notice all of them are totally drained of blood and I need the blood.”

Dracula: “how are you getting them out of the ground so quickly, you’re like a hundred pounds soaking vet —“

Frankenstein: “THE BLOOD, Dracula. I need the BLOOD. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BLOOD. TELL ME, DRAC.”

[brain-depositary]

Later:

Frankenstein: *long winded flowery speech about how Count Dracula is a fiendish devil and vile abomination etc for what he’s done to the corpses*

Dracula: My brother in Christ YOU’RE the one robbing MY graveyard!!!

Frankenstein: *suckerpunches him*

[evilkitten3]

you’re the only person on this post i trust. please never stop i love you

[everentropy]

Actually I don’t think Dracula would say “brother in Christ” considering his whole thing with… crosses, holy water, all that jazz. Ya know.

[evilkitten3]

honestly i feel like that kinda makes it even more funny

[vergilsfavoritebee]

[ID in alt text]

[the-isopodcalypse]

I think that we spend too much time making fun of Johnathan Harker for ignoring all of Count Dracula's red flags and not enough time making fun of Count Dracula for being really bad at hiding the fact that he's an immortal, bloodthirsty monster.

[lestatfag]

[autisticexpression]

Are you Lord Byron???

[vampire-vagabond]

No, I'm just hot

[lestatfag]

[thealphapigeon]

Celebrities need to use their celebrity status to be harmlessly weird more often. Enya lives in a castle and talks to nobody. Lady Gaga wore a dress made of actual raw meat one time. Whatever the fuck Robert Pattinson has going on

[thealphapigeon]

Whatever the hell Hideo Kojima is doing at any given time

[the-thought-emporium-imperial]

Have you seen the inside of Guillermo Del Toro’s house?

[thealphapigeon]

[abz-j-harding]

My dream house

[vampire-vagabond]

If I ever have a mansion again, I aspire to decorate it in the style of Guillermo Del Toro's house

[otherwindow]

Vampires but they’re naturally scared of tooth fairies stealing their fangs. Vampire: *closes coffin* Vampire: Vampire, sweating: *locks coffin* Tooth fairy outside: god fucking dammit

[vampire-vagabond]

Thank you for something to be afraid of tonight

[ryebreadgf]

[kingofeternalfreedom]

interviewer: ppl claim you’re immortal

Keanu:

[feminismisahatemovement]

[northern-storms-deactivated2022]

He'a growing his beard back to start the cycle all over again.

[timmisny]

he absolutely could be charlemagne and paul mounet

[words-i-thought-id-never-speak]

That’s all the confirmation we need

[trashchangeling-deactivated2022]

You know what forget your hogwarts house, mbti, zodiac, and enneagram, what type of animal horn do you want to wear?

Markhor or Kudu for me

[of course this the one to hit 6,000 likes]

[you all love horns far too much]

[vampire-vagabond]

Wallachian sheep have the coolest horns, hands down

[itsbaditsgood]

okay but nonbinary people who wear hijabs. effervescent. every single nonbinary hijabi deserves to have a great day

[nihilrism-deactivated20231217]

I’m in tears // taken from Reddit here!

[vampire-vagabond]

It's 99.9% of the job, why do you think we dress like that? It's because we're all batty, and I don't mean we turn into bats