Poutine {Vancouver}

A Bite by Bite Commentary of Poutine in Vancouver

[vancouverpoutine]

Poutine Challenge 2015

Your dreams are coming true. A truly poutine-y fairytale. The 4th Annual Vancouver Foodster Poutine Challenge is here! Running February 5-28, 2015 at restaurants all over Vancouver, your mission is (get this) to EAT POUTINE. FUCKING TERRIBLE. And then you vote for your favourite. I don't know who wins what, or who's integrity is on the line, or if you're ever going to achieve your new year's "body dysmorphia" resolution, but people have poutine for you. 

Last year Roots Cafe won because they gave the world butter chicken poutine. Nobel Prize worthy, methinks. 

More info and a full list of locales who really fucking get you: http://vancouverfoodster.com/poutine-challenge/

[vancouverpoutine]

Smoke's Poutinerie

Guys, I ate this for breakfast. Like, I ate it at 2am and then I reheated the leftovers in the morning and fucking put.it.in.my.mouth. Yeeeeeeeeep. Truth be told, I ate my boyfriend's poutine in the morning. He didn't finish his... I'm a degenerate. 

Anyway, I eat at Smoke's all the time. What do you want me to say? I regret NOTHING.

I rate Smoke's Poutine as "Delicious". 

I rate Smoke's Double Pork Poutine "Heaven".

I also ate this poutine in bed (Pro tip). 

I also do not apologize for this completely un-constructive review. 

I rate this post "fine". 

It doesn't look great, but you would be wrong to doubt it's importance in your life. 

This poutine is just as critical to your survival in the morning. 

[vancouverpoutine]

Chill Winston

I need to talk about this. I really, really need to talk about this $15 poutine. I'm not going to fuck around with you. There is no twist to this plot. In fact, (to steal a joke from Dane Cook about Tarantino-ing a story) I've already told you the end of the story. 

This is a good poutine. They have thick fries that just sop up the gravy like it's their goddamn job. So much gravy, damn. The flavour is a delight. You're going to like this poutine. Except. EXCEPT. It's the cutest fucking size ever. Like, it's the size of your nephew's happy meal toy. Like, it's the size of your cute travel size shampoo. Fo' real; you bought it because it was cute. 

Tarantino: It was $15. 

I rate this poutine "You're expensive". 

P.S. The staff at Chill Winston have notable difficulties when trying to seat people in a comfortable/reasonable way. Like, to an extent that I'm actually mentioning it. PROBLEM-SOLVE THAT SHIT.

[vancouverpoutine]

Six Acres

My god, my friends. I'm not going to lie to you. I had two fancy cocktails at some other place before I had this poutine and it was fucking delicious. This poutine had delicious mother fucking sauce. Crunchy hand cut fries that I was very in to. Onion and parsley, like I was the queen of it's world. FYI there was also red wine flavour (because I didn't have enough alcohol in my body).  If you neeed to know, it elevates the flavour like a sexy fucking pair of sheets. This shit was a fancy fucking poutine treat. BUT. But then. Suddenly. It was way too salty. Goddamn it. It got so salty.  I still finished that poutine like it was my last meal on earth. Just trying to recreate the love we first had... anyway. First few bites were good. Then I got hypertension. 

I rate this poutine as "a good first date". 

[vancouverpoutine]

Craft Market

Let’s start on a high note. This shit is good. When inebriated this is even better.

This poutine has thick mother fucking gravy, which admittedly gets kind of sticky once you keep eating but, fuck, good flavour. Drink some craft beer or something, I don’t know, problem-solve that shit. The cheese is just the right thing and there’s some surprise pepper to make your dreams come true… Boom! It makes a difference.

I rate this poutine as “nice”.

P.S. Ketchup?

[vancouverpoutine]

Poutine 101

If you don't know yet, you're about to learn what poutine is. Proceed only if you can handle mind blowing shit. 

The answer to the question, "what is poutine?": Besides amazing, it's when the three best friends French Fries, Gravy, and Cheese curds had a fucking great slumber party and dog piled each other. Cheese curds was the youngest so it got to be on top, so it didn't get hurt. 

Wikipedia has the full story here.

With great power, comes great responsibility. Only tell other people about poutine if you think they can handle it. Arteries are no joke.