An Emotional Night
Sometimes you have to let it all go and let it all out, keeping it all inside or not sharing your burdens with others seems to be easier at first but in the long run just hurts you more. I know I needed to share what all I was feeling and the hurt I was going through with TC but I was scared... scared of being vulnerable, scared he wouldn’t understand, scared he wouldn’t care... but I knew that I couldn’t keep hurting this way and that even though opening up and talking about it with him scared me to death and I felt I couldn’t do it I knew I NEEDED to if I ever want our relationship to grow and flourish instead of shrivel up and die.
Well it was hard... very emotional, I cried, had a melt down - like ugly cry - I laid it all out there and told him how miserable I felt and that I wasn’t feeling like I was important anymore to him and that I was living off of nothing while others had everything... and it was a hard talk cause it revealed things about what I was doing that needed to be fixed as well. I know I shut people out, and I know that its a defense for me, but I also know that I need to not do that with TC and let him in when I’m hurting and not push him away and keep him in the dark... that doesn’t help anyone and it just hurts me more. I need to push past my insecurities and fears, I need to not push away the one person I want closest to me. After a lot of talking and crying though I feel so much better about where we are and that he understands I’m going through a lot and he wants to be there for me through this, and he is missing me and loves me very much and cares about my life still and wants to be a part of it. Its hard to explain, I just had a calming feeling come over me after crying my eyes out to him and I feel so loved by him. I know this won't be easy and its going to be really hard and we are going to have to work at it day by day, but its worth it... a million times worth it.
February 17th












