Eric Vanity

7th year Slytherin

[notmidnightblue]

"It’s okay, just makes it more of a challenge, yeah?"

Henry scoffed a laugh, “as having three Jewish aunts, and three Jewish female cousins, I can confirm they are all utter cocks,” although that wasn’t true in the slightest, Henry wasn’t known for telling the truth all the time. “Even though my cousins are all under six.”

[vanity-of-eric]

"Why don't you just ditch them then? The second you can." It seemed like the perfect plan to Eric, who had almost never wanted for anything and understood almost nothing of people who weren't like him. Should he want to, he could pack a bag and leave with no qualms.

[notmidnightblue]

"I know, right? What person doesn’t like a bit of a tumble in the broom closet?" The answer was him, he didn’t like a bit of a tumble in the broom closet. Not that Vanity was going to know that.

"Ugh, rude. I brush my teeth every day and night, thanks. Personal hygiene is only ignored when one was utterly sloshed the night before.” Henry preached, index finger held up in the air for emphasis. 

The halfblood cringed, “yikes. I know what that’s like. ‘Henry, have you found a nice Jewish girl yet?’ Then proceeds to gossip about me in Hebrew like the spiteful Muggles they are. TWATS!”

[vanity-of-eric]

"Honestly. They are missing out on so much."

Eric rolled his eyes again at the boy, lighting his second cigarette of the night. "Are those even around still? I just have to find a respectable pureblood, those are close to becoming an endangered species, but a Jewish girl who is actually nice? Almost extinct."

[notmidnightblue]

“Nah. Doesn’t seem like he’d be like that. Far too innocent to even think beyond holding hands type, y’know?” Henry wafted the smoke in the direction of the window, only to realise, too little too late, that the window was in fact shut.

Ah well.

"What about you then, ‘ey?" Henry grinned, "got any birds you’re trying to seduce?" He waggled his brows and blew his smoke in Eric’s direction.

[vanity-of-eric]

"He's a Scamander, he's weird in general. Being the type that only want's to hold hands suites his weirdness even more."

Eric rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at the window, cracking it some. "Smoke and your breath is not something I want to smell like. Did you even attempt to brush your teeth this morning?"

Taking a deep drag, Eric waved his hand around in a nonchalant motion. "Always a bird to be had, it's the challenge I want. That and Mum's starting to get on my arse about finding a respectable woman to date and eventually marry."  The mere thought of wedding bells this early in his life made him shudder.

[notmidnightblue]

Henry dramatically rolled his eyes, called it.

"Came back as in, when I woke him up in the library, via peeping through books like the creepy fuck I am, he didn’t piss right off. So, uh, is that interested?" He asked sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes at the wretched little hobgoblin that went by the name of Eric Vanity. 

"Really though, was gonna piss right off when I flirted with him for fun, but didn’t for some reason. Dunno why."

[vanity-of-eric]

"Sounds like he's pissed but still wants your dick." Eric shrugged. He, however, would do his best to keep away from Henry in that perspective. He had seen the boy streak and that was enough for him.

It was a shame that he wasn't gay really, he'd probably be able to hook up with so many more people if he were. Girls were enough though.

[notmidnightblue]

Henry walked over to the window, flicking his lighter as he went. He sat himself on the thing nearest the window— whatever it was, Henry didn’t care, he had gotten good at reparo. 

"No— I don’t know, I’m tempted to order you to fake an apology to see if you explode attempting to form the words. But nah, leave it. He seemed pissed, but came back so,” Henry shrugged. Why he came back? Henry couldn’t understand. 

[vanity-of-eric]

Leaning against the wall, Eric flicked the end of his cigarette, ashes falling on to the stone floor. "Good, I was already gagging at the thought of it."

He sighed and took another drag, "Came back as in still somehow interested?"

[notmidnightblue]

"I’m going to be disappointed if you don’t, who else puts up with your shit?" Henry was going to let it slide, there wasn’t much he could say about the Lysander situation anyway. People hold grudges far too long, Henry wasn’t going to be one of those people. "Fucking bet you will, come on then."

[vanity-of-eric]

Eric rolls his eyes but started walking towards the classroom anyway. After slapping the pack against his palms a couple times, Eric handed a cigarette to Henry and then pulled one out for himself and lit it. The classroom was just so they were less likely to get caught and he could pull out two or three in one sitting. He didn't give a damn about anything else. "Were you able to fix things with the bloke or do I need to fake an apology?" he asked after a long drag.

[notmidnightblue]

"I still, sadly, do not hold the award for git of the year. Might have to up my game to compete with you on that one next year," Henry let himself run his mouth as he sifted through what Eric had said, and what he should do. "Right, I need a smoke."

[vanity-of-eric]

"I'll be sure to thank you when I win the award this year yeah?" Eric said, then pulled out his fresh pack of cigarettes. "If we take two rights down this next hall we should be at an empty classroom with a window. I'll even let you have one of mine since I cost you a lay."

[notmidnightblue]

Blink blink.

What.

"… You lying little shit, I figured you knew because of what you told Lysander— I’m into guys and girls, mostly girls though— but that’s not the point!”

[vanity-of-eric]

Eric was a bit taken aback by the harshness of Henry's words. "I just had a bit of fun with him is all. I literally said your fake name once and told him that you were a git, which you are. Had I known that you were trying to bed him I wouldn't have said shit."

[notmidnightblue]

"Because it didn’t happen, aside from getting everyone in on the Percy thing. Bloody fucking— Merlin Eric, I don’t try to ruin your chances of getting laid do I?” Of course he covered it up by saying he was trying to get in his pants, he didn’t want Eric to think he was trying to befriend him.

"I’d prefer to just sit on the roof with a mojito and watch it all pan out. Popcorn, too. Gotta have popcorn."

[vanity-of-eric]

It took a couple seconds before the words took hold into Eric's mind

"Since when were you into guys?"  He asked, missing the real problem that Henry was having with him. He hadn't thought it had been that big of a deal, but oh well.

[notmidnightblue]

"No, no, I caved and told him my name. It was too easy, y’know? Taking candy from a baby, kicking a sad puppy, etcetera," he tried to sugar coat it a little, but he was a tad on the pissed side. "Why’d you tell him I was making fun of him to everyone in Slytherin?" Henry spoke through a laugh that held mild passive aggression.

"Couldn’t hurt a fly, doubt he is. If anything, it’d be someone like you. Power, able to hold their own. Not that I actually care, because I want to stay so fucking far away from that list and the people on it."

[vanity-of-eric]

"Why not?" Eric said with a roll of his eyes. Of course, there had been more to it, like trying to get the clueless gryffindor off his case and trying to hide the fact that he had just come from an intense practice session.

"I'll take that as a complement. Sadly, I've got nothing to do with the list. However, I will agree that not being involved might be the safest way to go overall. If I had to pick a side, well, it's almost obvious what side. Yet nobody's thrown curses at me for it yet."

[notmidnightblue]

"That’s not getting my knickers in a twist, getting my knickers in a twist would be bringing up the Lysander situation, which I am so not doing." 

"Alright seriously? Come on, you’ve gotta be an idiot to just stand there while a bloodthirsty Gryffindor is coming after you."

[vanity-of-eric]

"The Lysander thing?" Eric asked, before it all came back to him. He had almost forgotten about how he had made the dreadlocked gryffindor cry. "Does that idiot still think your name is Percy?"

He rolled his eyes at the topic of Malfoy. "That kid is off his rocker. I'm not even sure how he's survived this long.... do'ya think that he could be behind the dead pool? It'd be pretty genius if he was."

[notmidnightblue]

"Of course I missed a bloody lot, I’ve got a short attention span. I can’t remember half the shit I did before the party. I can’t even remember turning seventeen, how bloody greats that?" Henry knew Lily was a bit of a spitfiery bitch, but he didn’t think she’d go after Scorpius ‘awkward as fuck summer child’ Malfoy. 

He felt a little bad.

"A week? A fucking week and I missed it? Merlin I’m bummed.”

[vanity-of-eric]

"Don't get your knickers in too much of a twist, Malfoy didn't hex her back or anything apparently. I'm waiting for the next attack so maybe the wannabe pacifist actually pulls out his wand the next time.

"Fucking idiot just stood there and tried to talk her out of it. What a fucking sod."

[notmidnightblue]

"Well, ah, duh. I’m a year below you guys. But, y’know, I have Avaric and that’s close enough." Henry paused, Lily did something to Scorpius? How the f— “I… didn’t actually, I was kind of too busy shacking up with some bird. What happened?”

[vanity-of-eric]

"Oh were you now? well you missed a bloody lot, I hope she was good at least. But yeah, after the flaming bed scare, Potter just rounded on Malfoy. Blamed him for the bed thing and continued on with her rant about how he is bad for her brother. Which, I don't see how she even thinks that. Malfoy is fucking pathetic really. But she's convinced and I'm not gonna bother." Eric rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He thought both of them were pathetic really."

"Anyway, she started attacking him, throwing hexes and everything. Malfoy ended up in the hospital ward for like a week. It was great."

[notmidnightblue]

"You can say that again." Not that Henry thought his mum was a bitch at all, call him sappy but he loved his parents. Still, appearances. 

"Definitely plausible, all hit by pressures of society and shit. Can’t imagine Albus doing it though, maybe James or Lily…" Henry trailed off, rethinking it and causing himself to laugh. "Definitely not James, he hasn’t got half a brain." 

[vanity-of-eric]

"You obviously haven't roomed with Albus then. I swear that kid is seconds away from hexing me every time he sees me. Though, I can see Lily being it. Did you see what she did to Malfoy after the bed incident?"

[notmidnightblue]

"Oi, sorry that I think like a muggle. Blame my mum for neglecting to mention everything magical when she was raisin’ us." 

"Yeah, too set on the whole ‘ooh chosen one’ schtick. Like, what, are they expecting James Potter to finally grow a brain and mystically hunt down those responsible for the deadpool? Puh-lease."

[vanity-of-eric]

"Yeah, you're mum's a right bitch for keeping the best thing away from you like that."

"Merlin help me, if there if another chosen one, it better not be from the chosen family. Hell, I'd love to see one of them behind it. Never would guess it be them would you? I mean, has anyone thought they could be part of it yet?"

[notmidnightblue]

"Please, it’s closer to immortal than we’ll ever get. I’ll live ‘til I’m sixty, if I’m lucky. Doubt all my extracurricular activities are going to help my cause any."

"Probably why nothing real has been done about the deadpool, they’re too old to deal with this shit."

[vanity-of-eric]

"Oh stop thinking like a bloody muggle. You're a wizard, your life expectancy is 140, not 75. Even with the activities you shouldn't die that soon. Though, the world would be a less annoying place without you, you poor excuse for a wizard."

"Yes exactly. Though you'd think they'd know by now. I mean, this is the third threat like this in how long now? perhaps they aren't used to how supposedly organized it is? Too used to one bloke and he stupid followers just killing at random."

[notmidnightblue]

"Point is, you can’t travel through space with a timeturner, therefore the timelords are still superior. Plus they have two hearts, and are practically immortal. Sort of— they live longer than normal humans. Like Nicholas Flamel. But it being a part of their race, not because of the Philosopher’s Stone.” 

"Pretty sure he doesn’t even have the faintest clue about anything past the twentieth century."

[vanity-of-eric]

"Having a long lifeline does not make someone fucking immortal Henry. If that were true, then cat's must thing we're immortal." He rolled his eyes again, "I see almost no point in this time and space traveling... whatever he is."

"I don't think any of our staff does. They're all fucking old as fuck."