The last 9 months have been cleansing to say the least, I met someone so beautiful inside and out. Beautiful & bold, smart & modest, loving with so much conviction. When I first met her I didn’t think she’d be anything at all, maybe a friend at most but I was so wrong. We bonded in such a special way, maybe I’m just a psychopath but she made me feel so free. I could say anything without judgement & had her full attention while I spoke. I’ll never forget the days we first started stealing glances & honestly I felt like such a creep. But eventually I noticed she was looking back with the same admiration. We were both in our own cages, imprisoned by duty & history instead of grasping what was in front of us. She came on a trip with me and my friends, that’s when things shifted entirely. We were both free to be ourselves with no chains or obligations. Through this we really saw each other from that point on, sometimes we’d sleep in the same area. Not together but as close as we could get without making a mistake we’d both regret, but even then I was still so grateful that she felt that comfortable. Waking up and seeing her next to me was the most at peace I ever felt. Finally I found peace within someone after years of feeling like I’d never feel those things you see in movies. The calm of another person healing you. Everyday we were together felt so bright and energetic, all my gestures were met with gratitude and I couldn’t believe how happy I was making another human being. But we both knew, eventually we’d have to go back to reality. There were still so many challenges ahead, so we made every night count. We stayed up until we physically couldn’t anymore. On our last night I’ll never forget when she covered me up and told me I was cut off because she knew I’d stay up until the sun was rising just so I could get one last night fully together. The ride home was somber, we both clung to each other mentally and as much as we could physically barely touching but just enough to know the other one was hurting. I’ll never forget the day we got back, my body knew before I did that there was only one path forward. To let her go and see if we could find our way back to each other. It felt gut wrenching, but I knew if I had on too tight I’d never truly know if it was supposed to be me. So we met up the day after, immediately we both spilled how we’ve felt about each other. Almost every single thing lined up, I wasn’t crazy. But she told me an unfortunate truth, that she can’t let go until she gives the person she’s with a true chance after finding happiness in someone else. She said we couldn’t hangout anymore because she would just be constantly comparing the two of us and she couldn’t live like that. So I gracefully respected her wishes, I wanted to beg her to choose me, but I couldn’t. I knew that the only way this could all even possibly work out is if I truly let her go to see if this guy could get it together. Tonight was the first night not knowing when I’d see her again and I shattered into a million pieces. For 9 months I’d get to see her most of the week and now I don’t even know if I’ll ever see her again. It didn’t really hit me when we both said bye. But once I was alone I realized it and sobbed until there was nothing left. I hope that whatever god or forces that are at play bring you back to me, I don’t want this to be another lesson in letting go. I want this to be it, I want to feel your peace everyday. I would love you, endlessly & entirely. So please, if there is a God, grant me this one wish.
izzy806
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
kaledo-art
romaincrisis
