[variksenvarjo]

·a little introduction·

crow, risu, whatever. i have lots of hopes and dreams and stuff, but also lots of struggles. so this is sort of my diary?

will probably post about my sewing projects, plants and weird thoughts i have. sometimes there will be something else. maybe progress on my studies, maybe some shitty poetry i might write

i like many things, most notably languages, sewing, and drawing (go to @crowghosty for my drawing stuff :))

calling this a healing journey, because that's what i'm trying to do: heal and grow :)

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ june update ⋆

oops i've been very busy and not updating here at all hhh, so here's a little recap on what i have been up to:

did lights for a student theater show, very fun very cool

started t !!

did a bunch of exams, i'm pretty much done now for the spring/summer (except for the little extra thing for my komi course)

went to my first ifusco, a really cool experience and i'm excited for next year's conference

got my own bow and been practicing archery for a while now

we'll see when the next update will be, not much happening study-wise but i'll probably try to post about other stuff in the meantime hh

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ restarting Dutch ⋆

so, technically today is my 3 year anniversary of starting to learn dutch

problem is, i haven't actually been actively learning it for over a year

but now i want to start again, and do it properly this time

i wasn't good at studying when i started, i didn't have much of a plan or method, so it kinda fizzled out as i lost my aim... but now i know better

i have a plan, a goal, and plenty of motivation !! whereas before i was studying dutch just bcs it seemed like an interesting language, now i have music i listen to and such (which i've noticed to play a big part in my motivation)

i already went over pronunciation rules in detail, and i'm planning on slowly going over all the grammar i had learned previously during the next couple months. but i think it would be more important for me to gather more vocab, so i can start trying to make sentences and use the language

i'm actually really excited to get back into it !! i want to do this properly this time, no half-assing hhh

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ early april ⋆

tea of the day: orange & guarana green tea from clipper

uni studies: english course is done, and there's only a couple weeks left of swedish and translation !! it's wild how fast the spring has gone

own studies: we're nearing my dutch learning anniversary so i'm preparing for restarting it :) i'll make a post about it on the day, but i'm excited

life: i was sick for a week and now i'm a little behind on everything T-T that's also why i was gone for a bit

->-> next goal: survive the swedish exams (especially the speaking test)

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ early March ⋆

tea of the day: mallow flower tea from rootsu

uni studies: third period is over and fourth is starting, time to focus on the cognitive linguistics book exam

own studies: been writing a silly poem in korean for my daily sentences, it's fun

life: i'm getting my own bow for archery !! expensive but really cool

->-> next goal: go over all of komi grammar this far and update notes

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ birthday !! ⋆

made some lime+white chocolate cheesecake <3 it's so good man

so much has changed in a year, it's pretty wild to think about: new friend group, new hobbies, new responsibilities, starting my transition, and a whole lot more confidence and certainty in who i am and what i want from life

i think i'm pretty happy now, and that's the most important thing isn't it?

[variksenvarjo]

⋆late february update ⋆

tea of the day: sakura from teeletti - green tea with cherry flavoring and rose petals

uni studies: almost caught up on estonian, stressed about my english course but having fun with the translation one

own studies: had to take a little time off bcs i was getting exhausted, back in it now and doing well :)

life: starting hrt soon if all goes well !! very excited

->-> next goal: finish the big essay for the english course

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ start of February update ⋆

okay i think i'll try to do these like twice a month or smth, let's see :)

uni studies: dropped hungarian T-T i just couldn't do it rn, but i promised to do it next year + mandatory swedish is going horribly hhh

own studies: slowly getting through my anki backlog, rearranged my weekly korean schedule, and i have forgotten it a couple times but daily korean+portuguese sentences are really fun to make :)

life: i finally have time for archery !! really difficult but i really like it

->-> next goal: catch up on estonian+hungarian notes

[variksenvarjo]

i really wanna get into the habit of posting more here this year, but i don't really know what to post most of the time

so uni update! currently taking courses in komi and translation, and doing the mandatory english+swedish courses (i'm so scared of the swedish one pls help T-T)

also somehow became the chair of our student association, so uhhh... gonna be busy, but it feels like good busy instead of what went down in autumn

[wretcheddthing]

everybody give it up for this brand of green. round of applause for most under appreciated green

[the-kiss-of-wet-haulms]

ah yes the muck brothers

pond sludge, sewage foam and mud growth

[sproutlett]

i am a different person than who i was last year. my hair is longer and i cry less and i am stronger. i am a different person than who i was six months ago. i am free and different and am embracing change. i am a different person than who i was a month ago. i sit in the sunlight without worry and i don’t let things stick and i look up and smile. i am a different person than who i was last week. i explore more and look at the sky and laugh more. i am a different person than who i was yesterday. i let go and breathe. i am whole.

[variksenvarjo]

⋆ 3 years of studying Korean ⋆

i've accepted that my pace is a lot slower than others, but i'm still proud

it's surreal. 3 years. wow

now, i'm not very advanced yet, quite awkward with making sentences and only slowly getting used to speaking. but if given time to think (and a dictionary for rarer vocab), i can express most of my thoughts in korean

and that's kind of what i'm focusing on now: using the language. recording myself speaking, writing little journal entries of my thoughts, watching videos and streams even if i don't understand much, etc etc

i also want to expand my vocabulary a lot. i know a lot of general vocab, but when talking about my interests i find myself searching for words to use constantly. that would also be vocab i would actually use, so i think it would be useful and not just fodder for the sake of it

one thing i'm planning on now as a sort of "celebration" for this milestone, is doing old topik I tests as practice. i want to go do the topik test next year (either in winter/spring or autumn, whichever they hold here next), so i wanna practice since i'm not really used to the type of language used in tests, i've almost never had practice questions like that. i'm also planning on writing down all the new/unfamiliar words and expressions while doing it, so i can look them up later and study them. i think it's a good idea :)

but yeah, going strong and not gonna stop !! i also found some friends irl who also want to start learning korean, so i think it'll be fun helping them learn !!!

[slugbus]

autumn/winter affirmations:

7 p.m. is not late

your day is not over at 7 p.m.

you are allowed to leave your house after it gets dark

7 p.m. is so early

[variksenvarjo]

it feels so strange when i go to the store, there's signs saying "these tangerines are in season right now!" but when i go back outside with those tiny pieces of sun, it's nearing 0°C and the sun has already set before i get home. somewhere out there far away, they're living a different life, they don't know the chill that settles in my bones each year

we're told to eat more tangerines in the winter, borrowing slices of sunlight from that far away place

[variksenvarjo]

some outifts from september :) having fun dressing up for uni again !!

the dresses in 2+4 and the black underskirt in 3 are made by me, and the hoodie in 5 is a diy modification

(now that it's getting cold i'm gonna have to figure out a new place to take my outfit pics hhh)

[broganwen]

My problem with being an introvert in linguistics and language is that I’m here to study conversation scientifically like it’s a biological function of a different species.

And then they make me go to conversation classes and talk to people.

Like no I want to study the talking, I don’t want to DO the talking

[variksenvarjo]

When the Doves Disappeared by Sofi Oksanen

(aka "kun kyyhkyset katosivat" in finnish)

i adore sofi's books, she's famous here for good reason and i would really recommend her books !! especially purge/puhdistus, it was the first one i read from her

rambles below :)

okay okay it took me way too long to read this, and my experience definitely was worsened by the huge gaps between whenever i could find time to read (causing me to be pretty confused at times hh), but still !! amazing, pls read it

i know a lot more about estonian history now than when i read purge/puhdistus, and i really think that helped give perspective for the things happening in the story. it's pretty rough, a sad story to say simply, and i definitely can't do it justice by trying to summarize it here. but also don't worry if you want to read it, you don't have know anything about the history, you can still enjoy (or suffer through) the story just fine

at first it feels a lot like "bad people in bad situations", but it's not that simple at all. in reality it's mostly just people trying to survive and make the most of horrible situations, and whenever things seem to change it's just another kind of bad situation. especially i feel really bad for juudit and evelin :(

not much more else for me to say. i really really recommend it, just be aware that it can be a heavy read. i might even re-read it someday !!