He hoped that this wasn’t going to turn nasty, he had dreaded this day, not because he didn’t want Susie to have Ellie again, but there was a lot that he was still uncomfortable with. Perhaps pushing it all under the rug was the best way, forget it ever happened and just move the hell on. He wasn’t going to bring it up unless Susie wanted to, nor was he going to go through all that bullshit again. It just wasn’t going to happen. But it would be nice to have to some time to him. Workload had gotten and hell of a lot more strenuous and he found himself in the lab more so than he should, poor Ellie having to tag along. Not only that but after everything that had happened with his own Father, he hadn’t even had time to think let only do anything about it. He didn’t want him near himself never mind round his daughter. With him lurking on the ship constantly in a vain attempt to try talking to him or just make sure that he saw him and was reminded that he was still there on the ship, it was difficult to do anything without lashing out at him in front of Ellie. Which was not going to happen.
She needed her Mother.
And Butch needed some time.
[09868] We’ll be in the market place waiting.
Closing down the terminal he made his way over to Ellie, whose hands instantly reached up to be lifted. It would be strange to not have her around as much, he had gotten so used to her presence about his place that he couldn’t imagine what it would be like now to see the cot empty. "Come on princess." In the end he would always do what was best for her.
Nervously she wrung her hands together as they stood outside the marketplace door. Her heart was racing ten the dozen, mind filling instantly with fear and doubt the closer she got. This was hopefully the end to a long, fuck -- she didn't even know how long it had been. How could you measure something that already felt like a lifetime? There was so much she was certain she'd missed, all those little developmental things in a child that mothers would fawn over for weeks, breaking their neck to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry they encountered. But she'd missed that. Some of it anyway. Enough.
Her hands bury themselves in her hair as she takes a deep, shaken breath.
"You go in first."
"This isn't my--"
"Please."
She looks at him expectantly and he opens the door, stepping in first. Her nerves were palpable and hell he could feel them too.
"They've over there, in the Galley."
"I'm fucking terrified."
"Don't be you have to own this, but don't go psycho bitch."
"I wont."
"Good."
The walk over to them seems to go on for miles but eventually they get there, Susie instantly locks onto Ellie who'd instantly squealed and reached out and Wally put his hands in his pockets, nodded at Butch in greeting waiting on the sidelines.
"I've miss you so much, how are you Princess, did you miss Mama?"
[98677] No. Stay in Rivet City. I don’t want you taking her out when it isn’t necessary. I’m already on my way over and I’m bringing my brother.
Wally had promised to walk over there with her, he’d promised to help her through this plus she needed the support this time. Each time she’d tried to get Ellie back under her protection and care it had failed because Butch didn’t believe she was ready, but if she had someone to say ‘yes, this is how she’s been doing, yes I feel she’s ready’ then maybe, just fucking maybe she’d actually be have her child back by sundown.
Plus she really did feel like her mind was in a better place that she could cope again without getting waylaid by silly fantasies. Yes she was still lonely but she was even lonelier without her daughter.
"You’re not gonna freak out and fuck this up are you?"
"No."
She says confidently, watching as Rivet City appears on the horizon.
He offers her a sympathetic smile and reaches out an arm, come give me a hug, I'm here.
The last couple of months had been rough. The burden weighed heavily in her heart and on her mind; she'd been a terrible mother. Too young, too caught up in wild fantasies to realise the one thing that mattered most to her.
"Are you ready to get her back?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Walter, I'm fucking sure. I want her back."
"Easy. I'm just making sure."
"I'm so--"
"I know."
It wasn't fair to lash out at him but she'd had enough, no longer was her mind burdened with the bad things that had caused this whole thing in the first place, all she could focus on now was the small, toddler shaped void in her life. How much it meant to her, how much she needed it filling back up. To hear that giggle again and the curious voice asking questions, wanting to learn, to live and love.
"I'm tired of being lonely."
"I'm tired of you being lonely."
"Can you feel it?"
"Yeah."
"I'm so--"
"No."
"I don't understand it."
"You're asking me."
"You don't know how to help me?"
"If I did I'd have done it when all this started."
"I--"
"You're already starting to help yourself. You're ready to get Ellie back right? That's the first step."
"But what about--"
"A partner? They'll come along. Focus on your daughter Susie."
"I want more than that."
"You need to stop that. That brattiness. I did. Sort of. It will work, people might take you more seriously."
"But Walt--"
"Susie. What's more important now, you or your child?"
"Ellie."
"Then for the love of fucking God, fucking focus on her. She misses you. I see her and she fucking pines, she asks me all the time and I don't know what to tell her."
Her eyes well up.
"Susie. You have her for now, she's the most important thing to you yeah?"
She nods.
"So make sure she knows that. Go get her, go show Butch you can do this and in time you'll get stronger and you'll realise all that shit you ever thought you couldn't do, you can do. It takes fucking time. Nothing happens over night and you're only just getting back on track. I want you to be happy, I do, we all do. You don't deserve this Susie. But you can only help yourself sometimes. I'm always gonna' be here you know. You're not on your own. I don't want you to struggle like I did."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Not being there for you like this."
"Oh fuck off. It doesn't matter, I've told you this."
"But--"
"Susanna. Seriously." he holds her close, arms wrapped tight. "You don't need to worry about things like that, just yourself and Ellie, okay? Mama and I are worried now. Tomorrow I'll walk with you to Rivet City, yeah? We can get this sorted out once and for all and get you back on track, your princess crown is slipping."
Susie laughs, a genuine smile breaking through the honest sadness.
"I love you, you stupid fuck."
"I love you too, bitch. Now you're fucking crying all over my damned jacket."
She pulls away.
"It's a bit red isn't it."
"You sound like Mac."
"I miss him."
"One thing at a time Susie, okay. Daughter first, then friends. Come on, Mama said she'd put some dinner on for us and I think I can smell it. It'll be nice, just us three."
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