May 26th 2017
Today was a beautiful sunshine day! My sister and I went to the local lake (although it looks and feels more like an ocean) and laid on the beach. I took a dip in the water but it was absolutely FRIGID, so I made sure to leave enough time afterwards for the sun to evaporate the ice water from my skin.
It’s amazing to think that last summer I could not fathom the thought of exposing my skin in public; due to all my psoriasis spots. All I have left are small white scars on my arms now... I like to think of them as doe spots. You know, like baby deer have the white spots on their backs? Then I feel like maybe they’re cute.
I’m following a year-long bible reading plan, this will be the third time I’m reading the bible all the way through. It’s hard for me to understand how so many Christians don’t read the whole thing. It’s the living words of our Creator GOD!? I don’t know... that just seems decently interesting to me, if not extremely important. But anyhow, that being said, it’s hard for me to follow daily “plans” for reading. Especially when I’m reading 1 Kings on a day when I don’t feel like being thoroughly disappointed in humanity (that book could be easily summed up with “the Israelites did evil in the sight of the Lord... many times”). Don’t get me wrong, that stuff is important, and there are many beautiful streams of heavenly light breaking through all of the chaos, but its tough to swallow at parts.
While doing the dishes today I had a small revelation about my consumerism. I got to thinking about why it feels so dirty sometimes for me to go shopping, and how my friend used to tell me “I go shopping sometimes when I’m feeling sad”. God allowed me to see into an underlying motive that I hadn’t caught before: buying new things can sometimes feel like buying a new identity. When I go thrifting, sometimes it’s because I really do need a new pair of jeans. Most of the time, it’s because I want to re-invent myself. I feel insecure about the clothes that represent me to strangers and I want to look better as a way of proving myself. Should I fast from trying to be “stylish”? What if I dressed like a slob as some kind of social experiment?
When I first met him, Eli used to wear the same white shirt everyday as a protest. I laughed when he told me, but also gained a deep respect. Of course, I should mention that we were fifteen back then and most fifteen year old guys don’t try too hard to plan outfits, but I liked the thought.
//you know my name - rivers and robots//
