May 26th 2017
Today was a beautiful sunshine day! My sister and I went to the local lake (although it looks and feels more like an ocean) and laid on the beach. I took a dip in the water but it was absolutely FRIGID, so I made sure to leave enough time afterwards for the sun to evaporate the ice water from my skin.Ā
Itās amazing to think that last summer I could not fathom the thought of exposing my skin in public; due to all my psoriasis spots. All I have left are small white scars on my arms now... I like to think of them as doe spots. You know, like baby deer have the white spots on their backs? Then I feel like maybe theyāre cute.
Iām following a year-long bible reading plan, this will be the third time Iām reading the bible all the way through. Itās hard for me to understand how so many Christians donāt read the whole thing. Itās the living words of our Creator GOD!? I donāt know... that just seems decently interesting to me, if not extremely important. But anyhow, that being said, itās hard for me to follow dailyĀ āplansā for reading. Especially when Iām reading 1 Kings on a day when I donāt feel like being thoroughly disappointed in humanity (that book could be easily summed up with āthe Israelites did evil in the sight of the Lord... many timesā). Donāt get me wrong, that stuff is important, and there are many beautiful streams of heavenly light breaking through all of the chaos, but its tough to swallow at parts.
While doing the dishes today I had a small revelation about my consumerism. I got to thinking about why it feels so dirty sometimes for me to go shopping, and how my friend used to tell meĀ āI go shopping sometimes when Iām feeling sadā. God allowed me to see into an underlying motive that I hadnāt caught before: buying new things can sometimes feel like buying a new identity. When I go thrifting, sometimes itās because I really do need a new pair of jeans. Most of the time, itās because I want to re-invent myself. I feel insecure about the clothes that represent me to strangers and I want to look better as a way of proving myself. Should I fast from trying to be āstylishā? What if I dressed like a slob as some kind of social experiment?
When I first met him, Eli used to wear the same white shirt everyday as a protest. I laughed when he told me, but also gained a deep respect. Of course, I should mention that we were fifteen back then and most fifteen year old guys donāt try too hard to plan outfits, but I liked the thought.
//you know my name - rivers and robots//
