hai!! so my best friend slash crush slash THING is suspecting avpd - do you have any advice for friends / family of pw avpd to better support them?
i have dpd as well as a couple other pds so regardless i think their av vs my d is very funny
sometimes pds are so quirkyyyy (i get it, i've been people with bpd's fp before.) it's like the brain loves nothing more than trolling itself
as for advice hm. that's a really a good question... i guess i could say some things i wish people would have done for me.
1) don't assume they don't care
this has hurt me more times than i can count. people constantly assume i do not care when really i am extremely sensitive and anxious.
if you have problems with a person with AVPD, talk about how it makes you feel, don't try and read into their narrative. it is not only accusatory and wrong, but it won't make them suddenly try and put more effort in, either. when i have been in these situations i've doubled down and told them even less about what i was really feeling.
the guilt is, very likely, already eating them alive. and maybe it is a situation they SHOULD feel guilty about; avoidance is rarely pretty. but just... don't think you know what they're thinking, you know?
2) offer to help when you can
i have a terrible time asking for help. a lot of times i wish someone would just look at me, realize i'm a fraud that can't do anything right, and take all my problems away forever. lol.
that's obviously not realistic. that's just Peak Avoidance. and you are not responsible for your friend's mental health. at all.
but if you care about your friend and it's in your resources..., don't immediately assume they know what they're doing. maybe they don't and they're just too scared to ask or admit it.
i know i definitely seem more competent and knowledgeable than i really am. or maybe that's just the inferioty complex that comes for free with your AVPD. who knows. it's confusing.
3) if you feel like they are pulling away from you...
which, given AVPD's symptoms, they might,
don't blame yourself. it is almost never your fault. they are overwhelmed. not with what you are saying or doing, necessarily, but with themselves and their own life. even IF you are part of the problem, that's on them to communicate about it.
i don't know what helps in those situations, i don't have a cure for all. but communication goes a long, long way.
here's something i feel like you two might actually relate to a lot: feeling like you are inherently unlovable as a person. you just express it in very different ways. a person with dpd will trust other's judgements instead of their own, and a person with avpd will avoid making a judgement altogether.
so just make sure to let each other know (in your own ways ofc) that you care, and who knows? good luck <3
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