[veinsandteeth]

if I could take the stars, I would. stick them in your pocket and tell you to keep them there in case of cruel weather. there is a storm coming and it's inside my chest. rattling the walls, breathing for sin like an aching mouth. I close all my windows in case of flood. I look hopelessly at stars. I think of your pockets and wonder if good weighs you down, if it sinks your bones and your blood. I want you flying. if it gets too warm, thrown them to the sky.

[veinsandteeth]

I wish I had come back sooner. I wish I had pulled the chains from my mouth and thrown them to the ground, tied my doubts to balloon strings to watch them float. if you'll still have me, I will put on my gold. I will hang chandeliers from my ears and dream again to glow. it's another year to be better, to plant my seeds and grow. my limbs dream of meeting the sun. I am dreaming of home.

[veinsandteeth]

we're on fire. burning out to a slow song. saying farewell to shackled feet and the rocks that make it hard to swim. you and I are intertwined, palms pressed to rooftops, looking for a way to say hello to the sky. it never hurts to be this full of light. we will always make it home.

[veinsandteeth]

I drink cough syrup when my bones are tired. last night I went outside, stuck my toes in the dirt and wondered why it gets so cold so fast. why do things leave without saying goodbye? where are you right now? I yell out your name sometimes just to watch it get swallowed by air. just to watch it disappear. things are always leaving. my words, your mouth, that moment it rained so much, we didn't dare go outside. I drink cough syrup when my bones are tired. when the cold in my body comes without a goodbye.

[veinsandteeth]

you are gorgeous. pirouettes in ballgowns. champagne sleeves with gold trim at the wrists. the sun is jealous. you glow and it burns and it wonders how you got all your good. you are struggling. I see it in the blue of your veins and the dip of your smile. all is not well but you were built of bones, not matchsticks. you house will not crumble and your soul will stay intact. there is another side. a brighter side. filled with so much light it rivals your own. do not burn out just because it rains. that's when the world will need you the most.

[veinsandteeth]

when there is nothing left, will you stay? will you hold my hand when the words run out and tell me what I did was good. I want to put good out. I want to plant words and watch them grow and take them out to see the sun. I want happiness. I want it flooding my veins. will you stay even if the flood never comes and all I have is what I used to be. all I have are the words I said once upon a time in the hopes someone was listening. stay, stay, stay. it's the word I love the most.

[veinsandteeth]

each mark on my skin symbolizes a battle I've fought. it means I've seen hell, I've shook its hand and made it out before dawn. count your marks. see the ways in which you've grown. tally them on bed sheets where lovers will sleep and show them what you've conquered. there are storms and there are oceans and they both can be so cruel. don't let them swallow you.

[veinsandteeth]

I kiss your palms and turn them towards the sun. I count the rings beneath your skin, see the lives you've lived. I study you like arithmetic. september mornings swallowed in salty air. do you feel like you're floating? does adoration keep your stomach full? head above clouds, feet below water.

[veinsandteeth]

I dream you are happy. I throw it towards the stars for good luck. when it rains, I'll be watching. I'll wait for the good to fill you up.

[veinsandteeth]

I am golden. I am honey dipped and crystallized. I wrap my arms around myself and whisper I love you in my own ear. there is so much vitality that comes from being enough for yourself. enough to send your waves to shore. enough to fill you with gold. I am golden. I am a sister of the sun and a cousin to the stars. when you think of the good, think of me. drench yourself in my light. tear out your dark so you can thrive. walk into the sun.

[veinsandteeth]

who do you love. who holds your heart. who takes the moon out of the sky and sticks it inside your ribs. who knows that you're sad and in love and in lust and you're full of so much light, your veins are shining through. who knows that sometimes when you're alone, you put secrets out into the air just to see if they'll float away. who knows the sky always rains when you forget your good. who knows that it's true. who do you love. who loves you?

[veinsandteeth]

we are on the brink of everything. I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in my veins. it's a red cloud that bleeds with the promise of new summers and I dare to be the one who gets their hands on your heart. this is the freefall. this is now or never, ice in our lungs fever. don't look down. don't let me down.

[veinsandteeth]

I wade in water and prepare my teeth to touch dawn. this is how we try and fail to be better people. we dress up in pearls. we shine our shoes. we think of all the ways to split open the moon and then we let it sprinkle down until it’s nothing but dirt. do you ever try so much it sinks your gut? do all your tries become wishes to undo when you close your eyes and you sleep? I wade in water and hope for peace. I pick it from your eyelids.

[veinsandteeth]

in the middle of the night, sometimes I catch myself thinking about your throat. this is the long walk towards sunlight. my feet dangle over the dock and you beckon for me to jump in. when I think about your throat, I think about veins. I think about the rivers running through you. I see the water at the end of the dock and I watch as it floods until your eyes swim in blue. meet me in the middle. of the night, of the road and press your hand upon my chest to feel my heart jump through hoops. we are in separate beds under separate skies dreaming of bubblegum sticking to our separate ribs. my teeth only dance for your throat.

[veinsandteeth]

my head rolls with hell because it knows the truth. it knows I am thinking of you. that I dream of pressing my hand to yours and seeing if I sink through. I take two ibuprofen and hope for the best. hope to rip you out of my chest. this is step one in getting through. step two won't come until the hell swallows you.

[veinsandteeth]

I've been writing a poem a day now for nine months.

I've given up a lot of things but I'm glad this hasn't been one of them.

[veinsandteeth]

there are cracks in the pavement where our words now lay until we're brave enough to say hello again. I'll meet you in the middle. down the line, next to the orange groves. you hands are stained with the worry your tongue is too sharp and I am here to say, you're right. you've got malice making music with your tongue but so do I. don't say sorry. it's weak. it's hollow. it only wraps around our throats before falling to the floor. I am working on my better. planting flowers in my mouth and dreaming of spring. I want you to be better too. I want you to push your hands into those cracks and come back up with your words. lay them down by the orange groves. watch our good grow.