Surviving But Not Living

*Trigger Warning* I'm Sam, This Is My Vent Blog they/them

[velvet-mondaymourning]

I Wish You'd Leave Me The Fuck Alone.

No Means No. Cry About It.

[urlgray]

[exhaustedpigion]

[sparklingsonderingdeer]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Death would be better than the pain and loneliness I have to live with everyday.

[ohnoidontexist]

[happyending95]

[simonn0el]

Disappear (traditional collage)

Prints | Buy me a coffee

[velvet-mondaymourning]

A few weeks ago, I signed up for something called Real Roots. It's a service that connects you with people around your age with similar interests to make friends because making friends is really rough at the age of 26. I went, met a wonderful group of girls and got added to a group chat. The problem was, I couldn't continue doing the service because it cost $289, since it was guided by someone. Everyone except for me signed up. But, as I was leaving the one session I did, someone came up to me and wanted to get to know me better. We were texting for a few days, and she just completely ghosted our conversation. A few weeks go by, and just decided a half hour ago that I should just leave the group chat. So I did. But I didn't realize that leaving would send a notification to others that I left. Well the girl that ghosted me texted me and said hi, and realized that I won't be there tomorrow at their session. I'm really angry. I kind of want to lash out at her because I'm so frustrated. I try so hard to make friends and everyone stops texting me back. I mean hundreds. I have been on Bumble BFF for years and have only made 1 successful friendship. I want to respond sarcastically, but I know that I'm in my feelings but I just don't know what to do. I'm lonely. I'm tired of begging other people for connection. I even begged these group of girls to cure my loneliness and they all said they wanted to be there for me. It just all sucks.

[velvet-mondaymourning]

I Woke Up Missing Sarah Today. She Was In My Dreams Last Night. I Don't Know Why That Happened. I Was Talking To Brynn Last Night About How Lonely I Am While She Talked About Her Social Life. I'm Struggling To Find My Tribe Because People Constantly Just Ghost. I'm Going Through Another Friend Breakup And I'm Struggling. What's Wrong With Me? I Reflect On My Past Friendships That Never Worked Out And I Feel So Much Regret. I Think About How Fucked Up I Was To Serena And I Feel So Much Guilt. They Say Everyone Makes Mistakes, And The Fact That I Feel Bad Shows How Much I Care But I Can't Do Anything About My Heavy Chest And My Need For Friendship. I Wish My Life Was Full Of People. I Don't Know How Everyone Else Is Doing It. I'm Trying. But All I Can Think About Is Failure. I Believe Karma Is Real And Maybe This Is Punishment For All The Bad Behavior I've Done To Others. I Want To Do Better, I Thought I Was Doing Better. I Think About Zach During These Times. I Think About That Time That * Told Me I Shouldn't Give All Of Myself To My Friends So Fast. I Just Want Them To Stay. And Even Then Stephanie Didn't Stay. I Just Want Companionship. I May Regret Even Posting This Because What If Someone In My Personal Life Finds It And Thinks About How Pathetic I Am That I Fail All My Friendships And Can't Keep Any.

[velvet-mondaymourning]

You Need To Let It Go.

[velvet-mondaymourning]

I Fucking Hate You. You Gave Me An Eating Disorder. I Told You To Leave Me The Fuck Alone. You Make Me Scared. I Still Have Nightmares About You. Fuck You. $60? For What, The 6 Years We Spent Together? I Should Take You To Court And Sue Your Ass For $60 Million For Negligent Emotional Distress. Fuck You. I Hate That You Get To See How Vulnerable I Am. I Hate That I Blocked You On Everything And You STILL Get To Fucking Look At Everything I Post Online Still. I'm Thinking About Deleting My Reddit Account And Starting Over. Fuck You. Don't Fucking Look At Me. Don't Look At What I'm Doing. I Hate You. So Much. Don't Reach Out To Me. I'll Never Take Your Bait Or Manipulation Ever Again. I'm Keeping Your Money, But My Final Message To You Is Fuck Off.

[velvet-mondaymourning]

HELP ME RECEIVE LIFE SAVING TREATMENT

Hi all, I’m currently in need of financial help. I’m a nonbinary queer POC who is trying to get into ED treatment and I am unable to pay bills during this time. There is more details in the fundraiser link, but I am trying to recover from this awful disease.

Anything would help. Thanks.

Donate to Donate to Ensure Access to Life-Saving Treatment, organized by Sam Russell

For the past 3 months, I have been trying to get into the PHP at The Emil… Sam Russell needs your support for Donate to Ensure Access to Lif

[pollen]

happy Barely Keeping It Together Wednesday to all who celebrate

[becherdireinen]

[velvet-mondaymourning]

It's So Fucking Stupid How I Have Had Anorexia For Years All Because Of One Guy I Dated Way Back When I Was 18 Who Called Me Fat, Said His Friends Called Me Fat, And Got Me A Scale To Weigh Myself To Lose Weight And I Can't Get Over It Still. I'm 25.

[iloveana1213]