hey! i’m emma ❤︎ I’m new to writing on here, so please be patient with me. english isn’t my first language, so please bear with me if I make mistakes. i’ll only write about mcr, mostly focusing on ray and gerard… because i have a problem.
i will be writing smut, so if you’re a minor please do not interact with my blog.
requests are always open, so feel free to send anything my way !! i might take some time, but I’ll try my best to get to it. however, i’m not comfortable writing incest, non-con, gore, and dead dove in general, so please respect that !!
masterlist
“ray toro who…” Ray Toro x AFAB reader headcanons
“seven minutes wasn’t enough” 2004 Ray Toro x AFAB reader
“stay a little longer” 2004 Ray Toro x AFAB reader
Hoboken (Push n Pull) - Gerard Way x Reader - Ending
Masterlist | AO3 | MySpace characters' profiles
Summary: As Gerard's band gets bigger and the crowds get louder, your world stays small and steady. All access pass to his shows. No labels to your relationship. The push and pull finally starts to snap.
The hotel suite looked like a department store had exploded inside it.
Suit jackets hung from lamps. Somebody’s dress shoes sat abandoned beside the television. Half-opened beer bottles crowded every surface while three different conversations overlapped loudly across the room at all times.
Frank stood in the middle of it all, wearing dress pants as Luna tried to tuck his shirt properly inside them, doing her best to avoid as many wrinkles as she possibly could. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she worked, pinching the fabric flat before smoothing it down with both hands.
He groaned dramatically but held still while she fixed the collar of his shirt. The corners of his mouth twitched upward, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes. She stepped back, narrowed her eyes critically, then leaned forward again to flatten a stubborn crease near his shoulder.
“There you go. You look handsome!”
“Do I look married?”
“You will in like… three hours. So don’t get nervous. Remember that’s just your girlfriend.” Luna laughed and brushed an invisible speck of lint from his chest. “For the last three hours.”
For a moment, some of the nervous energy left his face as he nodded. Luna squeezed his arm and her phone vibrated against the pocket of her robe. She pulled it out, glanced at the screen, and immediately pointed toward the door.
“They need me upstairs.”
She spoke, grabbing her makeup bag from the armchair, and slipped out of the suite, leaving the door swinging shut behind her.
The room barely noticed her departure.
Gerard sat cross-legged on the floor tying and retying the laces of shoes he had already tied twice. From across the room, the aggressive tremble in Frank’s hands made his weak attempts to make his tie look nice in vain.
“This shitty tie,” he announced, taking it off the collar of his shirt and doing the process all over again. “I swear, I can't do this.”
“You’re not wearing the suspenders?” Ray reminded him calmly from the couch.
“I won't look silly at my fucking wedding, man.”
“No one will see them but the bride.”
“I feel like I'm suffocating.” Frank sighed, trying to fan some air toward his face.
Mikey snorted from where he sat cross-legged on the carpet nursing a beer while checking the pages of an old bible on the hotel nightstand. Gerard sat beside him on the edge of the bed, sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms while trying to help one of Frank’s cousins fix his cufflink. The entire room smelled like men's cologne and beer.
At one point Frank finally gave up on the tie completely and pointed aggressively toward Gerard.
“You. Remind me to do the knot when my hands start working again.”
Gerard didn’t even argue. He stood up with a tired sigh and crossed the room while Frank continued complaining dramatically under his breath.
“I am just so nervous.” Frank muttered while Gerard adjusted and straightened the tie. “I will be a married man by the evening.”
“That’s a beautiful thing, Frankie,” Ray said.
“No, it's horrifying.” Frank pointed toward him now. “I will stand in front of all my loved ones and legally announce that I will have sex tonight.”
“That is the least romantic way you could’ve phrased that.” Ray laughed quietly into his drink before leaning back further against the couch cushions. His expression softened into something unusually thoughtful, and then he smiled to himself.
“What’s going on in that curly head of yours?” Mikey asked immediately.
Ray shook his head once. “Nothing.”
Frank narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “He’s doing the same face Gerard does when he… You know what.”
Mikey agreed, nodding as Ray rolled his eyes while all three of them stared at him expectantly. Gerard kept silent.
“You guys don’t let anything slip.”
“You’re smiling at nothing, Ray,” Frank informed him. “I’ll tell my wife to throw the bouquet in her direction.”
Ray laughed softly again, this time unable to hide it.
“You know,” he admitted. “Things are just really good right now. My family's okay, work's doing well, I have a pretty girl coming home with me tonight… Life’s good.”
The sincerity in his voice quieted the room, even Gerard looked pleasantly surprised.
Ray ran his hand through his hair, taking care of some loose strands, almost embarrassed by the attention being directed at him now.
“It’s nice,” he said more quietly. “I spent so long thinking relationships had to feel super intense all the time.” A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “But with her it’s easy. Even when distance is hard.”
Frank stared at him for a moment.
“That was disgustingly beautiful. I'm kinda emotional.”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously.” Frank pointed toward Ray emotionally. “There’s so much love in the air today!” He smiled brightly, grabbing the tie from Gerard's hands a little too forcefully and putting it around his neck. This time, the knot came out exactly how he wanted it to look. Maybe it really was the magic of love.
Mikey took the last sip of his beer while Gerard stepped back again, looking at Frank through the mirror. Something in Ray’s words had clearly hit a soft spot inside him. Mikey noticed, and he wasn't going to lose the opportunity to dig further.
“So,” Mikey said carefully, looking toward Gerard now. “What about the crisis you went through the other day?”
Gerard blinked once. “What about me?”
“Yes. Did you tell her the truth?”
Frank pointed again. “Drop the fucking bomb, Way.”
“I haven’t done it yet.”
“You have to do it sooner rather than later,” Mikey corrected. “Because the box thing you did was obvious about your feelings, but the other part? Man, if I were her I would have told you to go fuck yourself months ago. You know I’m right.”
Ray burst out laughing, but Gerard looked deeply offended. Frank grabbed a Diet Coke from the minibar nearby before looking between both brothers knowingly.
“You have never been this insufferable before, which is a new record” he gasped dramatically. “Which proves that you're actually so very much in love.”
“Are we in the heavy room and you guys didn't tell me? Should I start airing your businesses too?”
Nobody let him escape that easily. No one denied it, either. Frank immediately sat beside Ray on the bed pointing at Gerard like they were conducting an intervention.
“C’mon, I'm the groom. This is my day, so let's do what I want.”
“What do you want to do, Mr. Husband?” Mikey asked.
“Let's listen to Gerard talk about his feelings.”
“I do talk about my feelings.”
“Songwriting isn't the same as owning up to your own words.”
Mikey looked up at his brother more softly now.
“So are you going to tell me what happened after the other day? Because if you don't, I'm going to assume that you are still wasting her time.”
The question finally hit him in the serious way that the teasing hadn’t. Gerard looked down for a second, pulling at the skin around his cuticles as he considered automatically falling back on a lie before deciding he was too tired to keep doing that.
He focused on the outside of the hotel window, sunlight spilled across downtown. Finally Gerard sat down slowly on the edge of the armchair near the window and exhaled.
“You are going to get mad at me,” he admitted quietly.
The honesty immediately changed the atmosphere, everyone stopped joking. Gerard rubbed his hands together once absently before continuing.
“It’s just…” He shook his head lightly. “We are in like a constant in-between. Every time I think we’re finally moving on from each other, somehow we end up right back there again.”
“Back where?” Ray asked gently.
“Nowhere. Or everywhere. Hell, she's everywhere, man. Because I kinda take a part of her with me, as corny as it sounds.”
The words hung in the room. They were simple enough to be clear, but they proved that this situation was even more serious than they thought. And because these were people who had known him most of his life, nobody rushed to interrupt him to keep talking. They just gave him the space that he needed to express himself comfortably.
“She’s still the person I want to be with,” Gerard admitted after a moment. “Dude, I am in love with her. Of course I want to be close all the time and shit,” he laughed quietly through his nose. “I am scared as fuck.”
“And what exactly is it that scares you?” Ray asked.
When he finally spoke, dragging the silence a little bit more than usual, his voice sounded quieter than before.
“That she wouldn't want what I have to give to her. That it wouldn't be enough or that it won't fit into her life. Because I know damn well she fits into mine.”
Silence.
If Gerard focused enough, he could hear the coke bubbling in Frank's hand. He leaned back slightly in the chair, staring somewhere distant now while the confession continued spilling out in pieces he clearly hadn’t planned to say aloud.
“I think I built so much of my life around the idea that one of us would leave.” His eyes lowered briefly toward the floor. “And we stayed. It stopped feeling casual ages ago.”
Mikey looked away for a second after hearing that.
Because this wasn’t just Gerard having lovely feelings and liking a girl. His brother was finally admitting that he was terrified of something he couldn't control. Frank sat unusually still now, the can completely forgotten in his hands, hair carefully done and his clothes without a single wrinkle.
Ray broke the silence while someone sprayed cologne on his clothes on the other corner of the room.
“Now you have got to face those fears”
“I have absolutely no idea how.” Gerard shrugged softly, tiredly.
Mikey finally stood then, crossing the room before stopping beside Gerard’s chair. He rested one hand briefly against the back of it, grounding the moment gently instead of making it heavier. Like any good brother would.
“You shouldn't worry too much,” he said quietly, “I don’t think she’s going anywhere.”
Gerard looked up at him then.
And for the first time all day, some of the uncertainty in his expression eased.
“And she still hasn’t said anything about the letters?” Ray asked carefully.
Gerard’s silence answered for him and the room collectively winced.
“Ouch,” Frank muttered sympathetically.
“It’s not like that,” Gerard said immediately, though without much confidence behind it.
Mikey tilted his head slightly, trying to make sense of both perspectives in his mind. “Then what’s it like?”
Gerard stared down at the label peeling off his beer bottle.
“She read them.” he admitted quietly “But she never really… said anything after.”
Frank frowned immediately. “That doesn’t necessarily mean something bad. Keep your hopes up, young man.”
“No,” Gerard agreed softly. “I know. But I was expecting something, you know. I opened up my heart in those.”
But the uncertainty in his voice betrayed him anyway. Ray leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting against his knees.
The admission left a bitter taste in his mouth. He hadn't written those letters lightly. Every page had contained something he normally kept buried, and sending them had felt like handing someone a loaded weapon and trusting them not to pull the trigger.
“Do you think she knows how serious you are?”
Gerard let out a small humorless laugh at that, rubbing his face with his hands.
“I think that’s the problem. I changed overnight.”
The answer made all three of them look at him more attentively. One by one, the rest of Frank’s cousins left the room when they noticed that the conversation had drifted into territory that clearly wasn't meant for them to listen to.
He sat there for a second, regretting saying that out loud, fingers tapping restlessly against the aluminum can in his hands. The room around him continued moving normally while he stayed stuck somewhere deeper inside his own head.
Finally, he sighed.
“Things have been weird lately, not in a bad way. Just changed a little...” he admitted.
“Is it about sex?” Frank pushed, genuinely curious.
“Look, sex has been great. No complaints, ever.” He looked at his brother before sighing and looking away. “Just, before it was a little… Unconventional, creative if you will. We had lots of fun. We did some cool things. You know, we had this thing where we would—” He murmured the last word before Ray interrupted.
“Okay, we get it. Get to the point.”
“It stopped being like that, you get me? More… Normal, vanilla maybe? Intimate. You understand, right?” He asked, looking for approval. Just when he saw them nodding, he spoke again. “The last few times we didn't wear protection.”
“You… what?” Frank's jaw fell open, and he had to blink a few times to clear his thoughts.
“You have to be kidding me.” Mikey just tried to hide the disgust in his face, while Ray simply looked as if he was witnessing a car crash scene.
“She doesn't seem like the type of girl who would baby trap you but you should keep an eye out for that.”
“No, Ray. She would never. And I don't know, I've never done it before like that. She was my first with that, actually.”
“And that happened at my place?” Frank spoke with his voice lower.
“How'd you know?”
He simply put his hand in front of Gerard, shaking his head. “Do not ever tell me any more details of your sex life, Gerard.”
“Okay, let's change topics. And that scares you, Gerard? That intimacy has changed but everything remains the same?” Ray asked.
Gerard nodded immediately this time.
“Yeah.”
“And also because of the letters?”
Gerard shook his head.
“Because I am the polar opposite of her. I fear she might find someone who can be exactly what she needs or she gets tired of my constant changing.”
Frank’s expression shifted slightly. He already knew exactly what Gerard meant with that, but didn’t dare to mention it.
The confession made him feel embarrassingly vulnerable once it was out in the open, but there was no taking it back now. They have seen him in worse situations, anyway.
“Oh, I get it,” he murmured carefully.
“And then there’s that fucking…” He waved vaguely with one hand. “The office guy, whatever.” Nobody said his name, but the collective understanding alone said enough.
Frank snorted instantly. “I thought he was cool. I didn’t know Brendon had turned out to be your biggest enemy.”
“I wish it was like that.”
Unfortunately, that was true.
Brendon had become a lingering side character in conversation over the past months. Not because anybody disliked him, quite the opposite, actually. Gerard hated that Brendon seemed genuinely kind, reliable, smart. He was the kind of person who you absolutely deserved to be by your side because he can give you something that Gerard can’t.
Not only did he seem perfect for you, but even worse, you clearly adored him. Not romantically, at least Gerard didn’t think so. He hoped so. But you still adored him enough to drive him insane.
Mikey looked at his brother carefully. “They can be friends and without it meaning something.”
“I know that.”
“And she can still love him, like you love… I don't know, Jason or Luna, for example.”
Gerard glared at him while Frank laughed loudly nearby. “That's very different. Do not compare those two things, you know why.”
“Why would it be different?” Mikey asked, genuinely confused at Gerard's weak argument. “You genuinely believe he didn't fuck her? Or she didn't fuck him, you get me.”
Ray tilted his head, silently agreeing with Mikey. Gerard looked at everyone’s eyes, trying to read between the lines of what they might be implying.
“Who? Brendon?” He scoffed, laughing weakly at the thought. It was funny. “C'mon. No, I mean… I’m sure they’re not even into the same stuff. Why would they even fuck?”
How ridiculous. He didn’t seem like a guy who is into the things you like.
“Because they're good looking humans who like sex?” Frank added.
“No, no way. “ He laughed before stopping to think about it for a second, his smile dropping slowly. But the image of his hand on your back at that food place came to his mind, or you wearing his jacket during the first day of the year. And he went silent.
“I don't think so,” Gerard insisted, although no one believed him anymore. “I hope nothing’s happening. It’s just that he’s there with her all the time, dude.” His shoulders lifted helplessly.
“And you are jealous because you aren’t.” Mikey said gently in a slightly questioning tone, although he wasn't expecting any answers. The room understood the real issue underneath all of this. Gerard had a genuine fear that somebody else might become permanent in your life while he still hovered uncertainly around the corners of your life.
His plan of loving you from a distance didn't work anymore. He couldn't keep on playing this game.
Gerard looked away toward the hotel window.
“There’s a lot of things changing in my life right now,” he admitted quietly.
If you only looked at the surface of his statement, the line seemed innocent enough, but Mikey immediately glanced toward him sharply. Ray noticed that look too but thankfully didn’t comment on it.
“As far as I'm concerned, you love her,” Frank leaned back against the bedframe with a softer expression now. “And she loves you, Gee.”
Gerard scoffed lightly, shaking his head. “No, Frank—”
“Trust me.” Frank’s voice lost most of its usual theatrics. “Maybe not in the healthy, adult way like you both should, and maybe I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but she does. We can tell.”
Ray nodded slightly in agreement, and Gerard had to hide the smile that was forming on his mouth by biting on his lips.
“She trusts you. And she accepted you ever since the beginning. She was never with you for the money or anything else. Dude, she didn't even know who the fuck we were until you told her about the band.” He added.
“And she keeps choosing to come back to you,” Mikey said softly. “What else do you want from her? She has offered you everything she has.”
The room went quiet again after that, because they all knew it was true. And also because there wasn't anything else they could add to the conversation that wasn’t said already.
Gerard hasn’t thought of it in that way. Despite the bad timing, the constant distance and other people drifting in and out of your lives, the connection had never actually disappeared. Gerard was the one who always avoided taking this one step further, and now he hated himself for it.
Frank looked toward Gerard again, more serious now than he’d been all morning.
“She’s coming today, she called me an hour ago to confirm it.”
Gerard nodded once. The nervousness that crossed his face afterward was almost painfully visible. Just the thought of seeing you again already unraveled something inside him.
Mikey noticed the tension in his body.
“So what are you gonna do?”
Gerard laughed softly through his nose, exhausted already by a future conversation that hadn’t even happened yet.
“You should probably start with not acting like a frightened child who's looking for her mommy every time you're in the same space and she's not all over you,” Frank suggested, answering for him.
“And don't mention Brendon. Poor guy. You always fuck it up when you when you do.” Ray admitted.
Gerard shook his head, smiling helplessly despite the internal turmoil he was going through. Then quieter, almost to himself more than the room, he admitted:
“I don’t wanna lose her, man. I know that I won't find someone like her.”
The honesty of it settled deeply across the room, changing the air. And because the place was now filled with people who loved both of you, nobody made fun of him for it. Mikey reached over and squeezed the back of Gerard’s neck briefly before standing again.
“You won’t,” he said simply.
Gerard looked up at him, uncertainty still lingering painfully in his expression. But somewhere underneath it, for the first time in a while, there was hope too.
The wedding canopy sat outside, hidden behind rows of tall trees and white flowers. Everything about the place felt warm. Not extravagantly rich or impossibly polished, and even though Frank could've gone all out, renting the most expensive venue in the city and paying for the most expensive things, it didn't happen. It wasn't the true nature of the couple, and they would very much rather spend that money into building their future than wasting it in just one night.
Music drifted through the open garden while guests moved between tables carrying champagne glasses and half-finished conversations. Meanwhile, Gerard had already checked his phone four times in the last ten minutes, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by his brother.
“Checking your phone so much. Are you that bored? You wanna leave?” he muttered from beside him.
“I’m literally standing here, just wanna know what time it is.”
“You’ve been super antsy… Hold it in.”
Gerard glanced down automatically before catching himself with his hand in his chest, scratching a spot through the fabric.
Frank walked past carrying two champagne flutes. “Stop checking the entrance every time someone walks in. She might get there any minute now.”
“That’s because you will know when your girl walks in.” He scoffed. “Also, I’m not checking the entrance. You know what? Whatever. I won't look anymore.” He turned around, giving his back to the entrance and taking one flute from Frank's hand.
He got too distracted with the color scheme of the flower arrangements when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, and completely missed the moment when all three men looked directly toward the entrance at the exact same time, Mikey snorted loudly into his drink.
Finally, there you were. Slightly out of breath, apologizing immediately to the people at the door the second you reached the garden entrance while trying to smooth down your dress, talk on the phone at the same time and hold a surprisingly big handbag all at once. Your hair was definitely not done, loose from clearly being rushed, and you looked both beautiful and deeply stressed about being late.
Gerard turned around when he heard your voice through the speakers, and his entire face softened before he could stop it. And also his heart may have skipped a beat.
Mikey murmured something into his champagne that he didn't understand. Gerard ignored him.
Before he could even cross the garden toward you, Luna reached you first. You both paused awkwardly for half a second.
Then Luna tilted her head. “You didn’t do your hair.”
You looked embarrassed immediately, and you tried your hardest to remember what they had taught you in kindergarten: Be nice and be kind. It was harder to do when people around you liked to point out the obvious, like the fact that your hair looked better hours ago before you got in the shower and every single hair tool at home decided to give up on you.
“Yes, I had stuff to do and ran out of time, then my hair straightener got on fire… Whatever. It's fine.”
Luna studied you critically for a moment before gently taking your wrist.
“Come with me.”
You blinked. “Where?”
“The bathroom. Your hair would look prettier up anyway.” The statement came so naturally that it completely disarmed you.
“Oh.”
Luna rolled her eyes lightly. “You’re late enough already and the ceremony might start any second now. Come on.”
Gerard watched the two of you disappear inside together while Frank slowly turned toward him with visible disbelief.
“Well,” Frank said. “When it rains, it pours. Looks like there might be some action between all of your girls in the—”
“Shut up.”
“Maybe we should make them have a mud fight.”
The bathroom inside the venue was quieter than the reception outside. The warm lights glowed against the white countertops cluttered with makeup bags, hairspray and abandoned lipstick tubes from bridesmaids rushing in and out earlier.
You stood awkwardly near the sink while Luna pulled bobby pins from her purse like the professional hairdresser and cool girl she was.
“Luna, it's fine, really. I can do it myself,” you offered weakly.
“I know you do.”
“But you’re still taking over?”
“Yes, sit down and trust me.”
You laughed softly despite yourself before finally sitting down on the small velvet chair in front of the mirror.
For a few minutes, neither of you said much. Just the soft sounds of bracelets clinking together while Luna carefully gathered sections of your hair, pulling and twisting and doing stuff you wouldn't be able to do in a lifetime. Her hands moved confidently, practiced.
“You know,” she said after a while, “he checked the entrance the entire evening.” You met her eyes in the mirror and Luna smiled faintly without looking up. “He’s nervous.”
“That makes two of us.”
The honesty slipped out before you could stop it, forgetting about all the barriers between you two. A considerate look settled across Luna’s expression after that, and you had to brace yourself for the impact of the words you knew were coming.
“Gerard really cares about you,” she said quietly.
Your throat tightened unexpectedly. The strange thing was that there was no jealousy in her voice anymore, no tension or competition like it used to be at the beginning.
You looked down at your hands nervously, playing with your jewelry.
“I care about him, too,” you admitted softly.
Luna adjusted another pin into place before stepping back slightly to look at her work.
“He also told me you got a promotion, congratulations.”
You said thank you, trying to stay still to not mess with her work. You spoke a little bit more about it, briefly mentioning a general summary of what you do at the company and what you have been up to these past few weeks.
She was actually a surprisingly nice and smart woman, which you had never doubted she was. It was different to approach her from a different perspective, letting the perception you had of her at the door to not make a scene at your friend’s wedding allowed you to know a side of her that you didn’t know yet.
You could tell she was almost done with your hair. In the deepests, unexplored, distant and most hidden parts of your soul, you were kind of disappointed of the conversation ending too soon.
You would never admit it, though.
Luna spoke while curling one last strand near your face, “Honestly, if it works out, I think he’d actually be happy and complete for once.”
You frowned slightly. “What?”
But Luna had already moved on, stepping back fully now.
“Close your eyes and do not breathe.” She smiled softly, shaking the spray can and holding strands of hair as it helped you set your hairstyle. “See? Much better.”
You barely had time to think about the comment before her phone rang again.
“I’ll need to touch up the bride, she got here.”
Luna handed you a sealed lipgloss tube from her make up bag. “You can keep it.”
And somehow, by the time you both walked back into the reception together, the tension that had once existed between you had dissolved into something unexpectedly warm.
Is this what sisterhood was all about? You didn't exactly know the answer, but now instead of harshly disliking her, you were just healthily jealous that you weren't as cool as she was.
You could see it from where you sat beside Luna, Jason and (who now you recognized as) Ray’s girlfriend, with your hands folded neatly in your lap as guests gradually settled into silence. At the end of the aisle stood Frank, followed by Gerard, Mikey, Ray and two of his cousins. The groom and his bandmates had spent enough years on stage together to appear comfortable in front of crowds, yet this wedding seemed to affect them on a whole different level. Ray looked relaxed, a small smile already settled on his face. Frank, meanwhile, looked one second away from passing out.
The bridesmaids began making their way down the aisle first. Soft colors, bouquets, warm smiles and nice makeup. The atmosphere felt light and intimate. Every face seemed turned toward the aisle, waiting for the moment everyone had gathered there to witness.
Frank straightened immediately when the music changed
And the moment she appeared, every trace of anxiety vanished from his face. The transformation was so immediate that it drew a quiet laugh from several guests.
You already wanted to cry. Frank looked at her as if he had spent years waiting for this exact moment. Which probably was the truth.
The officiant spoke, people laughed whenever Frank's expression betrayed exactly how overwhelmed he was feeling. You couldn’t help but look toward Gerard, who you caught looking at you more than once. Sometimes he looked away and others he held your gaze in a way that made you blush.
You tried to focus on the ceremony instead, on the happy couple standing before everyone they loved and the simple beauty of two people choosing one another openly and without hesitation.
At some point between your careless glancing game with Gerard, the officiant invited them to exchange their vows.
Frank reached for her hands, looked at her and gasped for air.
"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows."
Beside you, Luna reached for your hand without taking her eyes off the aisle and you squeezed her fingers instinctively. You knew she loved the Corpse Bride movie since she wore a tank top with a design from the movie the first time you saw her, and you kind of expected Ffank to do something like this at his wedding. Witnessing it was completely different. Your gaze shifted toward the line of groomsmen again, your hand in Luna hidden from everyone’s eyes.
Gerard was already watching you. A quiet understanding neither of you attempted to define.
One hand moved instinctively toward his chest before settling there for a moment.
The gesture seemed unconscious, you hoped so.
"Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine."
You looked to your side, a small breath escaped Luna beside you as she tried to look up to avoid the tears from falling down her eyes and ruining her black makeup.
Jason lowered his head slightly, smiling to himself..
"With this candle, I will light your way in darkness."
You felt your own eyes begin to sting, vision blurring unexpectedly. Across the aisle, Gerard swallowed hard. For the first time all afternoon he looked genuinely touched by the ceremony. Frank stuttered with his own words and laughed softly through his own emotion before speaking again. The crowd laughed with him.
"And with this ring, I ask you to be mine."
The silence that followed felt almost holy. Only a soft chirp of birds could be heard.
His eyes found yours the second they laid on him, and you missed the moment in which they kissed for the first time as husband and wife. If it wasn’t because of the clapping and cheering from the crowd, you would have never noticed that the ceremony ended.
Luna was openly crying now, and Jason handed her another napkin since hers was already dirty.
At the front of the canopy, Frank wrapped an arm around his wife and smiled at the crowd. The happiness on their face was impossible to miss. The joy of finally standing beside the person he had chosen.
They left the altar holding hands and avoiding rice grains and rose petals from hitting their faces.
Dinner was great, stretched between speeches, music, a delicious menu and too much wine.
Ray officially introduced his new girlfriend halfway through the meal after Mikey loudly accused him of “hiding romance like a state secret.”
“You've been around for months, he kept it a secret” Mikey complained dramatically to Ray's new girlfriend. “And he's been insufferable.”
Ray looked deeply offended. “I wanted the timing to be right.”
“You wanted mystery, old man.”
“We’ve been friends for a while. I thought it was obvious that we liked each other,” She informed him, looking fondly at the man who had his arm around her shoulder.
Across from them, Gerard watched you laugh into your wine glass and felt his chest tighten painfully with affection.
Without thinking, his hand briefly pressed against the inside pocket of his suit again.
He tended to get itchy when he felt a lot of emotions.
Just when she started talking about the day she met Ray, a photographer approached the table then, interrupting the conversation.
“Sorry,” she smiled apologetically. “Could I steal you guys for a couple photos?”
The process became an immediate chaos.
Frank complained dramatically about blinking. Ray somehow looked photogenic in every single shot. Mikey intentionally ruined two pictures just to make you laugh.
At one point, the photographer adjusted positions and accidentally placed you directly beside Gerard. Your shoulders touched instantly, his hand finding the dip of your waist naturally.
“Closer,” the photographer instructed absentmindedly.
Gerard’s free hand settled carefully against your back, almost hugging you now. Your heart stumbled embarrassingly hard at the contact, and you tried to not let your emotions show through your face.
“Perfect,” the photographer smiled.
The flash went off.
For half a second, Gerard looked down at you instead of the camera.
Mikey saw that too from across the group. He looked so aggressively hopeful about it that Frank physically had to elbow him to calm him down.
Later, after the photographs finished and people slowly returned to dancing and drinking beneath the lights, you found Gerard standing alone near the edge of the garden with a cigarette in his hand.
You walked beside him naturally.
“Tired?” you asked softly.
“A little.”
His hand brushed briefly against his chest again.
This time, you noticed.
“What’s in your pocket?” you asked curiously. Gerard looked startled for a second.
Then slowly, almost shyly, he reached into the inside of his jacket.
Inside the inner pocket of his suit jacket sat the small silver earring he had found piercing through a cushion in his sofa after you left his apartment weeks ago. He swore he had almost left it home. Still, it ended up in his hand while he was getting dressed, and now it rested against his chest like something far more important than a forgotten piece of jewelry had any right to be.
Your breath caught immediately when you saw the small silver earring resting in his palm.
“Oh my, thank you. I thought I had lost it forever,” you laughed softly. “You still had that?”
“I found it after you left.”
“How come you didn't lose it at the wedding?”
His ears turned faintly pink.
“I forgot it was there.” He lied.
He didn’t have the balls to tell you that he had it close to his heart the entire day.
You looked at him like you didn’t believe that for even a second. The soft garden lights reflected against the earring between his fingers while music drifted quietly from inside the reception hall.
When you came back inside, somebody laughed loudly enough to interrupt a speech halfway through. The entire venue glowed gold beneath hanging lights and flower arrangements that were already beginning to loosen after hours of people brushing past them.
By the time you finally sat down beside Gerard, both of you had reached that strange level of exhaustion where you were tired enough to be relaxed and let your guard down.
Your knee brushed him immediately beneath the table.
“Having fun?” Gerard murmured quietly while reaching for his drink.
“I am.” You glanced down at your plate dramatically. “My feet and my back are killing me, though.”
“I wanted to wear my boots.”
“You wanted to wear the silly boots to Frank's wedding?”
“No, I got new ones, I left mine in LA.”
The corner of his mouth lifted automatically.
From the other side of the room, Ray was midway through explaining something animatedly to his girlfriend while Frank interrupted every thirty seconds exclusively to make the conversation significantly worse. His wife had abandoned him to spend some time with her friends and Frank then walked somewhere else, his eyes found Gerard’s while he got lost in conversation with someone else.
“No, listen,” Frank insisted to someone while waving his drink around dangerously. “Gerard’s brain? Awesome, man. You have no idea. I don't know how he does it.”
“Oh, we know. You let us know every now and then.” The guest replied as he muttered into his wine glass.
Ray looked personally offended. “Enjoy your night, man. You see Gerard everyday. Loosen up.”
“You’re right, let me talk about my wife. She's wonderful. I love her.” Frank reminded him.
“Then go and find her, don't be an idiot,” Mikey added.
“I am flattered, but you should go and enjoy the party, Frankie,” Gerard contributed absently.
Ray pointed triumphantly around the table. “It’s so nice when we all agree!” He pushed Frank away, toward the direction of the girl in white
“I am going to get drunk, excuse me,” you said, and it earned a loud laugh from almost everybody at the table, including Ray himself. You asked one of the waiters for more drinks, and a few minutes later they came back with more bottles.
But the conversation drifted toward recording sessions, costume ideas, chaotic creative decisions and arguments about songs that had nearly sounded completely different during early demos. The entire discussion carried that familiar energy the band always slipped into when talking about projects together, overlapping voices and half-finished thoughts bouncing across the table while everybody interrupted everybody else constantly and the people outside of the band had to read between lines to grasp the idea of the conversation.
At one point while explaining an idea for visuals tied to the album to Luna, his hand moved unconsciously while speaking and brushed against your knee beneath the table, and his hand stayed there, warm and strong.
Ray mentioned studios out west and Mikey complained about a roundabout in Los Angeles for at least two straight minutes while Gerard listened unusually quietly beside you.
“Don’t you hate the weather there?” you asked him softly.
Gerard glanced sideways at you. “Why?”
“It’s way too hot most of the time. What will you do with all of your jackets?”
“I can give them to you and you can wear them when you get cold.”
Mikey barked out a laugh immediately. “Write that down, Shakespeare. We got a new song.”
You laughed at Mikey making fun of Gerard's poor attempt at sounding romantic, his cheeks turning red.
“Don’t embarrass me in front of a pretty lady.”
You laughed quietly into your drink to hide your smile, while Gerard shook his head beside you and kept stroking your leg.
He was being all romantic and flirty in public, that was new..
“Back to the topic,” Ray added thoughtfully, “it’s not a bad place to be. Creative-wise.”
Mikey nodded immediately. “Everybody says that until they spend two hours on Sunset trying to park.”
“You suck at parking, dude,” Gerard informed him.
“Because I don't know how to drive a manual. That was one time only.”
The table dissolved into overlapping laughter again.
Then Gerard looked toward you more carefully.
“So, what do you think of LA?” he asked casually while cutting into his food. “Did you like the beach we went to?”
The question blended smoothly enough into the conversation that nobody reacted immediately, except Mikey, who turned his left ear toward you two to listen better to the conversation.
“I loved it. I really liked it.” You spoke, cleaning your lips with a napkin. “I don't think I've ever told you, but I have family there.”
“Really? No, you never mentioned it.” He asked you, interested in knowing more about you.
“Yeah, we kinda lost contact when I went to college, but I love them. The kids must be teenagers at this point.”
“Don't you visit them?”
“No, they come for the holidays.”
“Don't you miss them?”
“What does she do?”
You glanced at him suspiciously. “Why are you asking so many questions?”
“I’m just trying to make conversation.”
“You sound like you’re interviewing me.”
Your tone stayed teasing, but something about the comment visibly startled him for half a second before he recovered.
“What if I just like hearing your voice?”
The answer came out softer than he had intended, way too genuine for your poor heart.
Before the moment could deepen any further, Frank suddenly appeared beside the table wearing the expression of a man already several glasses of champagne past reasonable judgment.
“My two favorite people!” he announced loudly, making the tension shatter instantly.
Frank wrapped one arm dramatically around Gerard’s shoulders while leaning toward the rest of the table.
“I’m doing press rounds around tables like a politician,” he explained.
“Are you drunk already?” Ray reminded him.
A photographer followed close behind Frank now, camera hanging around her neck while several guests nearby immediately started calling his name for pictures.
“You guys,” Frank sighed dramatically. “I want lots of pictures. I can't wait to show my kids how handsome we were when we were younger.”
“Live in the moment, we're still young,” Mikey reminded him. Frank ignored him completely before suddenly looking between you and Gerard with narrowed eyes.
“Wait. Neither of you move.”
Both of you blinked at him.
“What?”
“You’re sitting way too cute and close together.” Frank pointed toward the photographer. “Take a picture before they fuck everything up again.”
“Frank, man…” Gerard warned immediately, already embarrassed. But the photographer was laughing now too, quickly lifting the camera before either of you could properly protest. Instinctively, Gerard turned slightly toward you while your shoulder pressed fully against his this time, his thumb making shapes in your shoulder.
The flash went off.
Melissa was next to him, and you couldn't figure out what they were whispering. Frank grabbed her by the waist, signaling everyone on the table to stand up to take pictures with the couple. First, a group picture with the entire table. Ray's girlfriend and you were the only guests sitting at that table that didn't work with the band. Then, they took turns with pairs of people to make sure no one left without having at least three pictures taken. Gerard didn't lose an opportunity to grab you by the waist for another full-body shot.
After everyone sat down on their seats, Melissa leaned across the table toward Luna excitedly.
“Luna, tell them about the gallery thing.”
Luna immediately groaned. “Melissa—”
“No, absolutely not. I’m bragging for you. Come on!” Melissa ignored her complaints completely. “Gerard helped connect Luna with this gallery owner in New York and now they want her work for a group exhibition.”
You looked toward Gerard with genuine surprise. He never mentioned that. You knew he knew almost everyone in the art scene in New York. From musicians, producers, sound engineers, photographers, comic artists, designers and probably even the bugs on the sofas at Nickelodeon. Yet, he had never said anything about booking her such a special job
Gerard shrugged, suddenly embarrassed by the attention. “It wasn’t a big deal, though. It was her work.”
“It is a big deal,” Luna corrected softly.
Their eyes met briefly across the table, the friendship and the time they had spent together sitting quietly inside that moment. Maybe something more, but you didn't dig deeper than that. It was way too early to ruin your own night remembering how they were together while you were drowning in your own misery because the guy you liked was a rockstar that you could barely see.
Then your gaze drifted toward Gerard again. There was something about seeing him through other people’s eyes tonight made your chest ache.
You weren't looking at the version of him everyone recognized publicly.
You knew how Gerard was, and you have also been on the receiving end of his kindness. He loved to do things for other people without them knowing about it.
There was proof of that moment in your bedroom, in the place you go to rest every single day.
It also happened when he noticed small details about you, like your disdain for grape soda and the amount of times that you got your lunch delivered at your office.
And for one brief second afterward, while everyone else around the table kept talking and laughing and moving through the wedding without noticing, Gerard looked at you with an expression so openly fond it almost stole the air from your lungs.
You found Mikey outside near the back patio sometime after dessert, sitting alone on the low wooden steps behind the venue with a beer balanced loosely between his hands.
Most of the reception still buzzed warmly inside behind him. Music drifted faintly through the open doors along with the distant blur of conversations and laughter. Out here, though, everything felt quieter.
The night air carried the smell of damp grass and cigarette smoke from somewhere farther away while strings of lights glowed softly overhead.
Mikey looked up when he heard the door open behind him.
“Finally I have you all to myself,” he said, easily hugging you. “You barely talk to me anymore.”
You smiled faintly before sitting beside him on the step, pulling your dress slightly closer against the cold, apologizing for not being there for him as much as you used to.
“I definitely can't handle parties like before.”
“That’s weddings, it's mandatory to make the couple happy. You have to go all out.”
“You guys do this a lot better than normal people. Your bodies are used to the adrenaline.”
“No. This will take us a week to recover, at minimum. We’re getting older.”
“You can do it, Mikey. You are used to this.”
Mikey laughed softly into his beer before handing it toward you automatically. You took a sip without thinking twice before passing it back, the gesture familiar enough now that neither of you noticed it anymore.
You talked about work, friends, old memories, how strange adulthood felt lately. Mikey told you a story about Frank accidentally setting off a smoke alarm during tour rehearsals to get away from it and see his —now wife— girlfriend years ago that made you laugh hard enough to nearly lose your balance off the step.
Until, naturally as it usually happens, you brought back the usual deep conversation topics that happen when the night comes.
“You know, I thought I had it figured out already.” you admitted quietly after the laughter faded. “I thought that once I got my own place and a nice job that would feel enough, but no. There's always something else.”
Mikey looked over at you knowingly. “And why do you say that?”
“I think I will feel like that forever. So I won't waste any more time thinking I got it all done.”
You smiled tiredly, leaning your head briefly against his shoulder.
Mikey had always been easy to talk to..He was quiet enough to be a good listener and great advisor. Most people underestimated him, but he was observant, and conversations with him always ended up deeper than expected without ever feeling invasive.
“How are you?” he asked after a moment.
The softness of the question caught you slightly off guard. He wasn't only asking how you were at the moment, and you understood that immediately.
“I’m okay,” you answered honestly. Then after a second: “Just emotional tonight, I think. Weddings get on my feelings.”
The way he nodded made it obvious he understood exactly what you meant without needing further explanation. The wedding, the history, Gerard and probably your hormones too. All of it. You stared out toward the dark trees surrounding the venue for a few quiet seconds before speaking again.
“Do you deal well with changes, Mikey?”
Your fingers played absently with the edge of your dress on your ribcage, making sure your boobs won't spill out during the night.
“I have realized” you laughed softly through your nose. “It feels like all my friends are changing into the last phase of adulthood, you know, kids, marriage, careers… And I've been stuck in the same position.”
“That’s not always bad.”
“No, I know.” Your expression softened slightly. “It’s just weird watching it happen to everyone but me.”
Mikey nodded slowly, thinking of an answer. Carefully casual, he dropped the only piece of advice that came up in his mind. “You think you’d ever leave Jersey? Maybe a change of air or something will help.”
You looked over at him immediately, slightly amused.
“Like… leaving my life? Why?"
“I don't know. I’m curious. I used to think the same until we kinda blew up and started living somewhere else.”
“You and Gerard have always hated Jersey.”
The second Gerard’s name entered the conversation, his quiet presence settled between you both naturally. Mikey took another sip from the beer bottle before shrugging lightly. “Maybe because we’re siblings? And you didn't live in Belleville, so there's that too. It sucks”
“Okay, sorry. You’re right.”
You looked back toward the reception hall again where warm lights spilled through the windows.
“I don’t think I could leave completely,” you admitted after a moment. “Maybe for a little while, to change the air like you say. But I think I'll always come back.”
Mikey nodded thoughtfully, storing the answer somewhere inside his brain.
“You know, the West Coast is nice. Completely different weather.”
Your chest tightened slightly at the casualness of the statement.
“I know,” you said quietly. “Gerard lets me know.”
Mikey glanced sideways at you more carefully then.
“You like it?”
“Yeah. He took me to a beautiful beach when I went there. It was…” You searched briefly for the right word. “Gorgeous. All the places we've been to were.”
The observation visibly affected Mikey for half a second before he hid it again behind another sip of beer.
“That’s his favorite beach, by the way.” Mikey said, knowing exactly the place he took you to.
“He never goes there, I'm sure.”
“You really do know him.”
You looked down immediately, smiling to yourself a little helplessly.
Mikey’s expression softened almost painfully. The night air moved gently through the trees around you both while music drifted faintly from inside the venue. Somewhere in the distance, Frank yelled loudly enough that both of you instinctively looked toward the building before laughing quietly. He was trying to call you inside to join the dance circle.
Mikey spoke again, more carefully this time.
“He is getting better and worse at the same time.”
The question surprised you slightly.
“Gerard?”
Mikey nodded once.
“I shouldn't do this.” He exhaled softly through his nose. “He’s getting better at acting on his feelings. He’s good at hiding his true emotions, but he's struggling a lot.”
Your chest tightened.
“I can imagine,” you admitted quietly.
“And I think sometimes he assumes people are gonna leave even when that's not true.”
The honesty in Mikey’s voice made you look at him fully. His tone lacked any accusation. He just felt protective of both of you. You stayed quiet for a second before answering carefully.
“If it’s because of me, I never really wanted to leave him.”
Mikey looked down at the bottle in his hands then, smiling faintly like that answer relieved something inside him personally.
“That’s great,” he murmured. You studied him for a moment.
“You really care about this mess, huh?”
Mikey laughed softly. “Unfortunately.”
“No, I mean it.”
His kind expression never faltered.
“Me too,” he admitted quietly. “I love you both. I just want to see you two happy.” Then after a second, he glanced toward you again. “Fuck him. You want me to be honest? I think you should be happy together. He likes you so much that it scares the shit out of him. He's never been like this before.”
The words settled in the silence, true enough that neither of you had the nerve to joke afterward.
You looked down at your hands resting in your lap, suddenly emotional in a way you weren’t prepared for.
Then quietly, almost too soft to hear:
“Well, it scares me too.”
Mikey didn’t answer right away. He bumped his shoulder lightly against yours before looking back out toward the glowing reception hall, before taking a deep breath and speaking.
“If it means something, then you two have my blessing.”
High heels were abandoned beneath chairs, including yours. Gerard's jacket was draped over his empty seat while guests spoke quieter like everyone had collectively realized the night was beginning to end.
You found Gerard sitting alone on the low stone wall bordering the garden path, his tie loosened slightly, suit jacket unbuttoned. One elbow rested against his knee while he stared absentmindedly toward the dark tree line surrounding the property, smoking alone.
You felt slightly sad at the thought of him going out to smoke and not asking you to keep him company, but you didn't mention it. You knew he liked to be alone for a little while, especially after big events like these.
He looked up immediately when he heard footsteps, but changed when he saw that it was you approaching.
“C’mere with me,” he said softly, with a gentle smile.
The words settled strangely warm in your chest. You walked, feeling the cold tiles underneath your feet. You sat beside him without asking, close enough that your shoulders brushed immediately through the fabric of your clothes. The night air had cooled considerably since earlier, carrying the smell of damp grass, his cologne and the cigarette smoke drifting from him.
The silence between you no longer felt fragile tonight. So much of your relationship had existed inside tension for so long, inside misunderstandings and timings that never aligned correctly.
Sitting beside him at that moment, listening to the muffled music from inside and the occasional distant laughter from the reception, the quiet finally felt safe.
Gerard leaned back slightly, exhaling tiredly.
“I can't wait to go home.”
You laughed softly. “You didn’t even do anything.”
“You’re kidding me? I socialized.” He looked genuinely offended. “For hours. And danced a little.”
“That must’ve been so hard for you.”
His hand brushed against yours where they rested beside each other on the stone ledge, enough that you felt the warmth of his fingers linger there for the touch to be purposeful and intentional.
“Dancing isn’t necessary. You look happy enough.” you said quietly before you could think too much about it. He turned toward you slightly at that.
“Do I?”
You nodded. The corner of his mouth lifted faintly, but there was a hint of vulnerability underneath it. You distinguished it as the kind of expression he wore when he stopped performing and was just him.
“I am,” he admitted. “I think I just… missed all of it.” His eyes drifted back toward the reception. “Everyone together, no touring, being back at home.” A quieter smile pulled briefly at his mouth. “You being here.”
The last part came out softer than the rest and you felt the familiar butterflies in your stomach.
You looked down at your hands for a second, suddenly emotional in a way that caught you off guard. The atmosphere around you didn't help you at all.
The wedding itself, seeing him tonight through everyone else’s eyes and the realization that somewhere along the way, all the uncertainty between you had stopped feeling painful.
Now, the proximity was just proof that you both actually wanted this.
And all the emotions you have been holding back tonight came out slowly. You didn't have it in you to keep hiding your true feelings, so you just started talking.
“I didn't think we would make it this far. I used to think that we would just cut off all contact with the other.” you spoke softly.
Gerard looked at you immediately. “What?”
“Yes. Maybe that we’d grow apart. We would turn into people who only crossed paths with each other and then I would have to know about you from headlines and Mikey.”
“I mean, it could still happen.” Your eyes stayed fixed somewhere ahead instead of on him. “I think I was, and am, scared of that happening to us.”
For a long moment, Gerard didn’t say anything. Then his shoulder pressed firmly against yours, his free arm surrounded you as he left a soft kiss in your hair, which smelled like his hairspray.
“I won’t let it happen,” he said quietly, certainly.
You finally looked at him then, just mere inches of distance separating you two.
There was something deeply unguarded in his expression now, like he had gotten too tired tonight to keep hiding behind irony or humor or avoidance anymore. The entire party had seemed to strip the protective layer of his emotions away from him little by little.
“You wanna know something funny?” he asked after a moment.
“Always.”
A small laugh escaped him.
“When I found your earring at my apartment…” He shook his head lightly, slightly drunk. “I kept meaning to text you about it and return it.”
“But?”
“But every time I picked it up, instead of giving it to you, I just kept it so I could have a silly excuse to see you. And I carried it around everywhere. And it fell down the sink and I had to call a plumber.”
Your heart stumbled, and you let a small laugh out when you heard his anecdote. He looked down briefly, tapping on the floor with his feet.
“And then I left it on the coffee table in my living room,” he admitted softly, “I liked having proof that you’d been there, at my place.”
The vulnerability of his words statement was way more meaningful than the words themselves.
Gerard didn't need to have grand or poetic actions for it to melt you. The normalcy, the regular things he did each day were enough for you. It was so painfully honest and truthful.
“That’s a little pathetic.” You said, hugging him. You let your hands travel to the inside of the jacket of his suit, feeling his belly through the fabric of his shirt. He reciprocated the hug, resting his chin on your head.
“Kind of cute, but still pathetic.”
“Don’t ruin this moment by making fun of me.”
You laughed quietly, and the sound made him smile immediately without even trying to hide it.
You weren’t entirely sure if it had been Frank or Mikey, only that one second Gerard had been beside you near the bar and the next he was being physically shoved through a crowd of laughing wedding guests while protesting dramatically.
“I hate all of you,” he announced loudly enough for multiple people to hear.
“That’s not true,” Frank yelled back. “Stay and let's have fun.”
“I’m leaving, let me say goodbye.”
“You’ve said that three times now.”
The dance floor was crowded now, full of half-drunk guests singing lyrics incorrectly. Ray’s girlfriend was laughing so hard she nearly spilled champagne onto Mikey while he attempted an aggressively terrible version of dancing that seemed designed specifically to embarrass everybody around him.
You leaned against the edge of the dance floor with a drink in your hand, watching him talk with Frank about something that was definitely not that serious while Melissa laughed between them. Then Gerard looked over accidentally. The second he noticed you watching him, his entire body softened. It happened so quickly you almost thought you had imagined it. He immediately pointed toward you, asking you to come next to him. You didn't argue, and let yourself walk next to them.
“She’ll agree with me.”
“No. I won’t just to bother you,” you called back.
“You don’t even know what we’re talking about.” He almost screamed through the music.
“I know you’re probably wrong.”
Frank pointed triumphantly, walking next to you to give you a big hug. “That’s my fourth favorite girl after my mom, my granny and my wife!”
Ten minutes later, after enough pressure from literally everyone around him, he finally walked back toward you shaking his head.
“What were you arguing about with Frank?”
“That gluten-free pizza isn't even that bad.”
“Oh, it is really bad. You cannot compare them.”
“Sure. Whatever.” He rolled his eyes at you, silently letting you be right.
Then he casually held one hand out toward you, but his eyes looked strangely nervous despite it.
“Dance with me?”
Your stomach flipped embarrassingly hard and you were sure that your entire face was red. Still, after so much time, he managed to make you blush.
“You? Dance?”
“I hate dancing with groups of people.” He glanced around the crowded floor with visible disdain. “This is different.”
You took his hand before you could overthink it.
The music had slowed sometime during the last few songs, something softer replacing the chaotic pop from earlier. You didn't look at the DJ, but he probably did it on purpose.
Around you, people moved closer together naturally, conversations quieter now beneath the music and dim lights.
Gerard’s hand settled carefully at your waist while your fingers curled loosely against his shoulder. For a moment both of you seemed painfully aware of how close you suddenly were. The awkwardness dissolved just as quickly as it came, although the blush from the alcohol and the emotions couldn't be ignored in any of you.
He moved carefully with you, not particularly coordinated but nice enough that it didn't really matter. His fingers traced absentmindedly against the fabric at your waist while the two of you swayed gently beneath the lights.
“I know you know how to move your body,” you murmured softly, “but you’re better at dancing than I expected."
“I bet you know how well I can move my body.” He teased, and you slapped him on the shoulder. You laughed quietly, and the sound made him smile automatically again.
Across the room, Mikey watched the two of you with the kind of hopeful intensity that looked borderline insane.
Ray noticed immediately, and slapped him in the back of the head.
“Be normal about this, man. You will give them evil eye or something” he muttered.
“I can’t,” Mikey whispered back emotionally. “Look at them.”
“Oh, they are so getting laid tonight.”
“Frank,” Melissa hissed.
“What? They’re in love. He's giving her the eyes.”
Meanwhile, completely unaware of the audience gathering around your emotional lives, Gerard rested his forehead briefly against yours while laughing softly at something you had whispered to him.
He left a soft kiss on your lips, the contact only lasted a second. It lasted long enough to change the atmosphere between you. By the time the music ended, you didn't step away.
Gerard’s hand was still resting against your waist like he’d forgotten it was there.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
You nodded once.
“I never thought I would be dancing with the prettiest girl at the party.”
“Gerard, don't be silly.”
“No, genuinely. I was such a loser… You would've never even given me the time of the day.”
“I think you're too hard on yourself. You have literally the prettiest face ever.” Grabbing his face between your fingers, you smiled as you allowed yourself to look at his face without a shame. And he held your gaze, offering you the most devilish smile. “I would have, trust me.”
“Good to know.” He spoke, caressing the sides of your waist with both of his hands. “Let me know when you wanna leave.”
“Can we leave now?” You spoke, but your voice came out softer than usual.
His eyes lingered on you for a second too long before he finally cleared his throat and stepped back reluctantly. He couldn't say no to you.
The reception had nearly emptied by the time you both finally wandered toward the parking area outside the venue, with your belongings hanging from your hands.
Inside, the last stubborn guests clung to conversations near the bar. The music had faded into softer background instrumentals now, the kind played at the end of weddings when everyone realizes the night is over and nobody really wants to acknowledge it.
Behind you, near the venue entrance, nearly all your friends had somehow gathered together suspiciously close to the doorway under the excuse of saying goodbye.
Needless to say that none of them were subtle.
Frank leaned openly against the doorframe watching both of you like he was watching a movie and Melissa elbowed him repeatedly.
Ray seemed exhausted by all of them, way too focused on the girl he was holding by the waist.
“You know they’re staring at us, right?” you murmured quietly, raising your eyebrows to their direction.
Gerard finally dropped his phone, looking around for the car. “Unfortunately.”
“They look invested.”
“Shall we give them a show?” He asked, moving his eyebrows. You shook your head and glanced back briefly.
Mikey immediately gave you a thumbs up. You burst into laughter so suddenly Gerard nearly dropped his phone again.
“Oh my god.”
“I’m gonna kick his ass,” Gerard muttered.
Gravel crunching softly beneath the tires of the cars driving past. Somewhere far away, someone inside the reception hall dropped a tray and started apologizing loudly.
Gerard looked at you for a long moment before speaking again.
“You wanna come to my place?” He questioned carefully and your heartbeat stumbled hard enough that you hoped he couldn’t hear it.
“I thought you'd never ask,” you answered quietly.
Something in his expression loosened immediately after you said it. Relief mixing with nervousness in a way that made your chest ache.
Behind you, Frank silently grabbed Mikey by the shoulders before he could visibly celebrate.
“What the fuck is that?” Ray whispered aggressively, pointing at his hand.
“Just something that wasn't used, so I'll take it home with me. Hopefully we'll use it with those two.”
Ray took it from his hands, analyzing the foreign object: A bag of rice.
Sure enough, Mikey was still offering his devilish smile toward the parking lot.
Gerard noticed this and screamed toward their direction.
“I’m breaking up the band if you keep looking at me.”
“You don't have the balls!” Frank yelled back instantly.
“Watch me!”
You laughed again while Gerard opened the passenger door for you, shaking his head the entire time.
But even as embarrassed as he looked, there was still that softness in his expression when he glanced back at you before getting into the seat himself.
The only thing he could really focus on was the fact that you were leaving with him.
The drive back to Gerard’s house was comfortably quiet. The silence settling between you two people after the emotionally overwhelming night helped wash down the adrenaline.
The radio played quietly in the background, low enough that it blended into the hum of the engine and the sound of the road beneath the tires.
You leaned your head back against the seat, exhaustion finally beginning to settle heavily into your body now that the energy from the wedding had worn off.
“You had a good time?” Gerard asked softly after a while.
You turned slightly toward him.
“Yeah.” A small smile pulled at your mouth. “It was nice.”
“You looked emotional tonight.”
You laughed quietly through your nose. “I teared up a little. You noticed?”
“I notice everything about you.”
The words came out so naturally that neither of you allowed yourselves to react. Gerard blinked once when he realized what he said after hearing it out loud.
His grip tightened slightly against your thigh and you had to look out of the window to avoid looking at his eyes.
Just then, you realized the absence.
“I didn’t see Luna after dinner.” You asked, genuinely curious. You just noticed that you hadn’t seen her.
“She left early.” He answered, not giving it much thought. “While you were chatting with Mikey.”
A few minutes later, the driver pulled into the underground parking of his place, and you two walked out of the car before the engine finally shut off.
Finally being left alone after so many hours felt intimate, cocooned away from the rest of the world inside the dark stillness of the underground parking.
He held your hand as he guided you toward the elevator, which came faster than you expected. Once inside, Gerard leaned his head back against the elevator wall with a tired exhale.
“Finally we’re alone” you murmured quietly, “Mikey was making so many jokes about us tonight.”
Gerard groaned immediately. “He’s been making some jokes.”
“But he absolutely adores you.”
“He should. I technically raised that man.”
You laughed softly again, and the sound made him turn toward you instinctively.
The air inside the elevator still carried traces of wedding perfume and champagne. His tie hung loosened around his neck now, hair slightly messy from hours spent running his hands through it absentmindedly throughout the night.
He looked exhausted, handsome as ever.
Your chest pulled unexpectedly at the sight of him, and Gerard must have felt the shift too because his expression changed while looking at you.
Then quietly, the elevator stopped, and you got to the floor of his apartment. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his keys. He opened the door and let you walk inside first.
Inside, his place felt unusually still.
A faint glow filtered through the windows while Gerard locked the door behind you both, tossing his keys carelessly onto the table next to the door before immediately tugging at his tie with visible frustration. You left your bag next to the keys.
“I hope he doesn't get married again, that was crazy.”
“Gerard, that's kind of the whole point of a wedding. Do it once.”
“Awesome. I can't handle weddings.”
You smiled while slipping your shoes off near the entryway, the relief immediate after hours spent standing and dancing. Everything about the moment felt deeply domestic in a way neither of you acknowledged out loud.
Something you loved about his place was the amazing sound insulation it had, because you couldn’t hear a thing of the outside world. Unlike your past two places, where you could listen to each and every single sound happening down the street. The air conditioning hummed quietly through the house.
Gerard disappeared briefly into his bedroom before returning a minute later, carrying one of his old t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants folded against his arm.
“As much as I like how that dress looks on you, you should get comfortable.”
“Thanks.”
His eyes lingered on you for a second too long before he cleared his throat lightly and gestured toward the bathroom.
The bathroom mirror still reflected traces of the wedding when you stepped inside. Carefully pinned hair beginning to loosen now, makeup slightly smudged beneath your tired eyes, jewelry abandoned piece by piece across the counter while you slowly peeled yourself out of the evening. You grabbed your phone and checked any missed calls and messages, and took your time to make sure that the only text you replied to didn’t have any typo that would embarrass you tomorrow.
By the time you changed into Gerard’s clothes, the exhaustion had fully settled into your bones. His shirt hung large on you, soft with years of wear and faintly smelling like him.
When you finally stepped back into the hallway, you followed the light coming from his bedroom.
“Do I look that bad?” you asked softly, suddenly self-conscious beneath the intensity of his gaze. Gerard blinked once before smiling faintly.
“Babe,” he murmured. “Come on”
He stopped himself. His eyes moved over you carefully before settling back on your face again.
“You always look pretty in my eyes.”
The words wrapped themselves quietly around the room. Compared to the noise of the wedding, the laughter and music and crowded rooms full of people, the faint noise from the air conditioner in heater mode felt like another world entirely.
You sat on the windowsill and Gerard stood in front of you, sharing a cigarette between exhausted hands, he was still wearing the clothes with the smell of the party.
The neck of his shirt hung loose around his neck and exposed the soft shape of his collarbones, the sleeves rolled unevenly up his forearms after a long night of fixing cuffs and opening champagne bottles. Your makeup had mostly faded by now. You started taking pins out of your hair, massaging your scalp as you let your hair fall from the careful hairstyle Luna had fixed earlier in the evening.
Gerard took one last drag from the cigarette before handing it toward you silently. Your fingers brushed briefly in the exchange, warm despite the cold air slipping through the open window.
You exhaled slowly toward the dark sky.
“I think Frank cried at least six times tonight,” you murmured quietly.
Gerard laughed softly beside you.
“He definitely did. They cried together, too. During the first dance.”
“I didn't see that. I saw that he wiped away some tears during the cake cutting.”
He just nodded, taking the cigarette from you and giving it one last drag before leaving the end in the ashtray.
Outside, the sky had started changing slowly without either of you noticing.
The darkness behind the buildings had softened into deep blue now, the first traces of sunrise barely visible beneath clouds stretching across the horizon.
Gerard noticed it first since you were giving your back to the outside, trying hard to not focus too much on him and giving your attention to something else like how messy the sheets looked on his side of the bed, the legs of the chair or whatever the details about his room that you allowed yourself to see.
His voice turned quieter when he spoke again, pointing outside.
"Look."
You followed his gaze automatically. Thin rays of sunlight had started breaking carefully through the clouds in uneven streaks, pale gold spilling slowly across the dark morning sky. The entire city seemed suspended in that strange in-between moment where night hadn’t fully disappeared yet but morning was already coming anyway.
Beside you, Gerard stared at the light like he was mentally travelling to that exact place.
It was now or never.
Softly, while you were blissfully unaware of his gaze fixed on you, he said:
“That’s what you are like to me.”
Your heart stuttered and you gave yourself a second to make sure that you were hearing his words correctly. You turned toward him.
Gerard still looked at you, and then he slowly moved his eyes toward the sunrise. He sighed, with an exhausted expression and terrifyingly honest all at once, like the thought had slipped out before he could stop it.
You wanted to ask him what he meant, but nothing came out of your mouth as much as you tried. Only after looking at your confused expression and your silence did he look back at you, which made it impossible to breathe normally anymore.
Your throat tightened, painfully. Gerard smiled faintly to himself, tired and emotional in that dangerous way people became at five in the morning after parties, alcohol and too much honesty. His hand brushed at his hair, messy strands of hair pointing everywhere.
“How stupid,” he murmured.
“It’s not stupid.” You finally spoke, trying to sober yourself up to fully understand the weight of his words. He just looked at you as if he had spent his entire life waiting for this moment.
Then he shook his head lightly, smiling in disbelief at himself more than anything else.
“I can picture the exact moment when I started to fall in love with you.”
The words settled between you so gently that at first they almost didn’t feel real. There was no dramatic music, it wasn't a big confession or a letter in an envelope compared to this moment.
Just Gerard with his tired eyes in the morning light. Too honest to take it back now.
“I started to feel it when I asked you to come to one of our shows, I couldn't find a proper reason to ask you to come so I made up a stupid excuse. I didn't know why, but I didn't want anyone else around me but you. And it all made sense at the beach.” He confessed, slowly grazing your forearm with his hands. “You're the one.”
Your chest hurt so badly you almost felt like you got a physical symptom of something worse, but no. Hearing his words made it make sense. Every return, unfinished conversations, every time he looked at you too long before glancing away.
You stayed quiet, making Gerard feel fear. Now that the words existed outside of him and you were there to hear them, he no longer knew what would happen next.
Your eyes started to burn, and you wanted to say something so bad, but only whispers came out of your mouth. You laughed weakly through the surprise and fear at the same time, what made Gerard blink in confusion.
“It was killing me to not tell you how I feel face to face. I understand if this is too much for you or something. I am not in the place to ask you for anything.”
You interrupted him before he could even say anything else.
“Gerard, you really thought I didn't feel the same?”
Something in his face broke open then, which was unmistakably hope. You reached for his hand automatically, fingers sliding between his while the cigarette burned forgotten in the ashtray beside you.
“I love you too,” you admitted quietly.
You had never seen anyone look so relieved in your life.
“I would have never thought that I was going to be in this situation. I never wanted it in the first place. But you made it impossible for me to walk away.” Your words started to settle deep in his chest, filling up the void that these past few weeks were making room in there.
His forehead dropped against yours slowly while both of you laughed softly through the overwhelming emotion of it all. You both were exhausted, shaky and still slightly drunk from champagne and dancing and loving each other silently for far too long.
“I have been thinking for months of how to tell you this, face to face” Gerard admitted against your forehead.
You smiled weakly. “Really?”
“Yes.” Nodding a little too energetically as his thumbs brushed your hands, he kept talking. “And I ended up comparing you to the weather.”
“That was very poetic, actually.”
“I swear I have better things to tell you.”
You could feel his heartbeat on the tip of his fingers and through the soft fabric of the high end brand of the shirt. He moved, taking a step forward and sitting down next to you in the narrow space.
“I feel like I'm gonna pass out.”
Outside the window, sunlight continued spilling slowly across the clouds, brighter with every passing second. And sitting there together in wrinkled wedding clothes with tired eyes and smoke still lingering faintly in the cold morning air, it suddenly felt like both of you had finally stopped waiting for your lives to begin.
“Me too.” You answered, feeling your hands trembling at the emotion of this conversation. “I don't know why I am so nervous—”
“So you love me?” He interrupted.
“I do. Do you?”
“I do, yeah.” He smiled, never taking his eyes off of you. “I have been loving you for a while now.”
You started giggling, instead of saying the word “love” you avoided it and repeated the same two words your friends said hours ago at the most important event of their lives.
“Well, that's good to know.”
And you sat there in silence, leaving the cigarettes at the edge of the window consume on its own. Gerard brushed his fingers on your wrist, applying the smallest hint of pressure to feel your pulse. He could feel his own heartbeat on his ears, and he wanted to know if it would sync with yours.
“You want something? Maybe you wanna eat or drink, take a shower, maybe you wanna go to sleep?”
“A shower sounds nice, actually.”
“Okay. You want to shower alone or…?”
“Yes.” He replied almost instantly. “I love to save water.” His hands moved from your hands to your face, whispering against your lips. “And I love you.”
“Wow, you are such an environmentalist.” You laughed despite the blush creeping up your cheeks.
“Trying to be.” Grinning, he took your hand and slowly guided you to the bathroom.
You looked at yourself in the mirror, looking at the reflection of Gerard undoing the buttons of his shirt as he walked toward the shower and twisting the faucet. Hot water immediately poured from the showerhead, and the steam began gathering almost instantly.
"You should keep those," you said, leaning against the bathroom doorway, “They make your ass look so good.."
"Pf, don’t need to." He answered, sliding it off. “It always looks good.”
You didn’t keep complimenting him, and instead focused on undressing yourself.
You pulled his shirt over your head and tossed it onto the counter before stepping inside after him, not caring enough to slide the glass door closed.
The difference between this shower and yours at home was almost funny.
The exhaustion was settling in your body, so you wanted the shower to be done as soon as possible. As your hand reached for one of the bottles sitting neatly along the built-in shelf, you paused. You picked up the bottle and stared at the label.
"Do you use this shampoo?"
"Yeah, sometimes." He looked genuinely confused by your reaction as he began to lather in his hands another one, the one you supposed used to be Ray’s.
"I don't understand why this surprises you.” He closed his eyes as his hands scratched and made foam in his hair. "I figured if you're showering here, you should have a shampoo you like."
You shook your head and finally opened the brand-new bottle of the shampoo you always use.
He shrugged, walking under the showerhead to let the water drip from the ends of his hair.
"And to think that you were ashamed to hold my hand, and now you’re buying my shampoo..." You washed your hair while Gerard stood beneath the spray, eyes closed, letting the hot water loosen the remaining tension in his shoulders. You pushed him away, rinsing the foam under the water.
“This is the least sensual shower in the world.” He complained as he took his turn, running the hair conditioner through his hair while you leaned stood under the water and watched him attempt to keep it out of his eyes.
He immediately reached toward you with one hand and you dodged away, laughing.
"Absolutely not. You are a grown man."
“Please, I’ll make it up to you.” He spoke, actually pouting while he gave you a bar of soap that you didn’t even know he had in his hands.
You couldn’t say no.
And he did the same with you, giving you a soft massage to soothe your muscles.
Eventually, when the soap disappeared down the drain and both of your bodies smelled like Jasmine and Cotton scent, Gerard reached over and turned the faucet off.
The sudden silence felt strange after the constant rush of water. He walked out first, messily sliding a dry towel over his body before tying it around his hips. Gerard extended his hand toward you to help you walk out of the shower, handing you another towel so you could cover yourself. You accepted it and immediately wrapped yourself in it.
The fabric of the towel was absurdly soft, everything in this apartment seemed unfairly comfortable and you enjoyed a taste of capitalist luxury every time you spent the day with him.
Gerard rubbed another towel through his damp hair while you stepped toward the mirror and attempted to clear a small circle through the condensation.
Behind you, he reached for your —his— discarded shirt from the counter. Without saying anything, he handed it over to you. It was clean since you wore it for less than twenty minutes. You slipped it on immediately. The familiar black fabric hung loosely over your frame, still carrying traces of his detergent and cologne.
Gerard watched you for a second before reaching beneath the sink cabinet.
“Before you do anything else, let me….” You looked over your shoulder as he pulled out a blow dryer triumphantly. “You'll complain tomorrow when you're freezing and your neck hurts.”
You narrowed your eyes suspiciously.
“You shower with a lot of girls who need to blow dry their hair?”
“What are you talking about? No. It's my mom's.”
You looked at him with the expression that says that you don’t believe a word coming out of his mouth.
“She keeps one here.” He shrugged. “Every time she visits, she blows out her hair before going out.”
“I believe you only because I’ve never seen your mom without her hair done.”
He plugged it to the wall and the blow dryer hummed to life a moment later.
You reached your hand, but he motioned toward the closed toilet lid.
“Sit down.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Baby, don’t say those things if you’re not expecting me to bend you over that counter and—”
“Are you drying my hair or not?”
You rolled your eyes to hide the wide smile threatening to show in your face and sat anyway.
The warm air flowed through your damp hair while Gerard stood behind you, carefully lifting sections with his fingers, so delicately that it was surprisingly relaxing.
Occasionally he would pause to run his fingers through your hair to check if it was still damp.
You caught his reflection grinning in the mirror, and you could lip-read him saying “almost done.”
By the time he finally turned the dryer off, your hair was warm and soft against your shoulders.
“Okay,” he said. “It’ll be twenty dollars. Cash only.”
“Sorry, I don’t carry cash.”
“I accept kisses and blowjobs as a form of payment.”
“Oh, and how many of those will be?” You asked, standing up and taking the blow dryer from his hands and leaving it on the counter to reach for his face.
“Around ten kisses and ten blowjobs.”
You gasped, surprised. “That’s so expensive, Mr. Hairdresser. But I can start paying my debt now...”
And you dropped to your knees.
You woke up as Gerard’s breath fanned hot to your neck, and quickly noticed that he was deep in sleep because you could listen to his faint snoring. The curtains still hid the early morning light behind them, which told you that it wasn’t as late as you might have thought it was.
You decided to move a little closer to him, placing your hand on top of yours which rested on top of your belly. Groaning against your chest, he woke up seconds later and pulled you toward him even closer.
“Are you awake?” With his raspy, tired voice, he spoke before inhaling deeply at the curve of your neck, nose brushing your pulse.
You just hummed and nodded, the movement letting him know that you were, in fact, awake. He enjoyed the moment and started to leave soft kisses all over your neck and jaw, as much as the position allowed him to. You were still a little groggy, tired and confused. His hand moved from your waist to your jaw, turning your face toward his direction. Before you could protest, he sealed his mouth over yours. The kiss was soft and tender, enough to make you melt in his arms.
You arched your back, your fingers tangling in his damp hair as a small, needy whine broke from your throat. The sound urged him to move his body on top of yours, opening your legs to leave him enough space to fit in there comfortably.
All of the sudden, the kiss was devouring, his lips surprisingly soft yet demanding, you grabbed his face in both hands softly while your tongues met messily. He lowered his hips, rubbing them against yours through your underwear. A low, rumbling growl vibrated from his chest into yours.
Your hands roamed through his torso, kneading at the soft spots on his sides.
"Are you already—" you whimpered, shivering when he nipped at your bottom lip with his teeth. His cock was already hard against you.
You straightened a little, letting your mouth migrate upward to suck at his neck and collarbones in the way you know he likes.
He didn’t allow himself to get distracted, as you could feel his hands reaching for the hem of the shirt and pulling it up to reveal your chest. Once you left a few spots on his pale skin you moved away, leaving a soft peck on his lips before locking your knees on the sides of his hips and switching places.
Now, you were sitting on top of him. Gerard gripped your waist with one hand, hoisting you up until you were sitting flush against his hips, You could feel the shape of his hard-on pressing firmly against you.
His other hand kneaded your flesh, rough palm contrasting the softness of your skin. You whimpered, arching into him, fingers digging into the dense muscle of his shoulders as you kissed him messily once again.
He pulled the shirt over your body, the cold air hit your warm chest making you shiver at the contrast in temperature. His mouth dropped to your shoulder, licking a path of saliva toward your neck. You gasped, your hand flying down to grab the hair at the back of his head and his other hand reached up to squeeze your breast, pinching your nipple.
“I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.” he whispered on your neck, complaining about the distance between you these past few days. You sat back down on his lap, straddling him and rubbing yourself up and down against the bulge in his boxer briefs.
Upon hearing your words, his grip on your hips tightened, pinning you in place
“It was so long ago…” he bit on the skin of your neck before searching for your eyes in the darkness. “And you still owe me most of the hair-drying service.”
He used the pads of his fingers to rub you through the fabric, his fingers circling your pussy with agonizing slowness.
“I do owe you, Sir.” You joked, smirking as you felt him twitching under you.
“What did I tell you about that nickname?” He whispered against your mouth, grabbing the elastics of your underwear and pushing them down as much as he could.
You giggled, moving away from him to slide your underwear off. He did the same thing, and now you two were completely bare. As you were going to sit on top of him, he grabbed your shoulder.
“Not today, baby.” And he pushed you, and you felt your head hitting the pillows underneath you. “You made me suffer enough.” He grabbed your knees, spreading your legs wide and settling between them once more.
He caged you again, the head of his cock sliding through your slick folds, teasing your entrance. "I want your pretty eyes on me," he commanded, voice rough. You obeyed, locking onto him.
“Back to your old habits, I see” you breathed as you pulled his head down to kiss him, your hips grinding slowly against him, savoring how his tip catches against your clit with every drag. He moaned, his grip only got tighter on your hips and he tried to keep you close to him. You bit his bottom lip softly as you pulled away.
“You know I’m not that dominant.” He looked back down at you, eyes half hooded and dark. “I don’t need to when I know that you are mine.” He raised his eyebrows as one of his hands reached for his length, moving it up and down your folds.
Instead of replying, you moved your legs, locking your ankles on his back as you tried to push him inside of you. But he kept still, without moving an inch, still holding his weight in his forearm next to your head.
“Say you’re mine and I’ll give it to you.”
“I’m yours, Gerard.” Your nails scratched his sides slowly, leaving soft marks on his skin that will disappear in the next couple minutes. “I have always been yours.”
“Isn’t that right? My pretty girl.” He pushed his tip slowly inside, which felt more like teasing than pleasurable. It just was not enough for you.
“Only yours.” You cupped his jaw, thumb brushing his pink, swollen lips. “What about you?”
“I fucking belong to you.” He murmured, thrusting slowly all the way in.
The stretch was intense, burning pleasure as inch after thick inch filled you, pressing against every nerve. He didn’t prep you, you didn’t actually need to. His mouth reached for yours, tenderly kissing you as he let you adjust for a moment.
After a while, Gerard thrusted and bottomed out with a groan, hips flush against yours. "You were made for me, I swear." he snarled.
He started thrusting you with a steady rhythm, looking at your breasts bouncing with each thrust. He looked into your eyes, the soft glow coming from the window through the curtains allowing him to see enough to recognize the shape of your face in the dark.
He was resting his body weight on his underarm, but still managed to gently touch your cheeks with his hand. With the other, he gripped your hips with the same force that had left you bruises in the past. The contrast between his delicate and harsh touch tugged at your chest.
“I love you too, honey.” He replied as he nipped at your earlobe, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin until you shivered. “So much.”
Gerard’s mouth never left your neck after that. He kissed, licked, and sucked marks into your skin, and you let him. You could deal with that later.
After some minutes, he stopped for a second, and you assumed he was growing tired. He pulled out and you moved away, letting him sit back on the headboard of his bed.
“Use me. Fuck yourself on my cock.”
You managed to sit on top of him, brushing his hair away from his forehead. He moved his cock closer to your entrance as you started to ride him.
He used his arms to help you lift you up and down onto his cock, both of you panting and gasping for air. He kept on kissing and swallowing your moans as he bounced you on his cock with a strength you didn’t know he had.
Gerard cursed under his breath, feeling himself sliding in and out while cupping your breasts, pinching your nipples until they ached in the most pleasurable way and sent him to another space. Your nails were digging in his shoulders, thighs burning from the exercise.
Not only were you reaching for your own high, but you wanted him to feel good too.
He didn’t give you any warning before he was lifting your hips off the bed to meet where his were, letting you fall back into the mattress with a surprised gasp. He adjusted himself, pulling out and then slamming himself back in.
You whimpered in response, this new angle hit the sweet spot inside of you that almost made your eyes roll back.
His hand moved to grab one of your thighs and push them up to your chest, the new angle squeezing him delightfully.
The slap of skin on skin, your mingled moans and his growls filled the air in his bedroom. His unexpected movements made your walls clench around him, dragging more moans out of him.
“Babe, don’t do that.” He complained, hissing through his teeth. “I won’t last if you do.”
“Don’t hold back.” You whispered, digging your nails in the palms of your hands.
He licked his fingers, letting his hand reach to where your bodies connected, circling your clit slowly. You knew he was close to the edge because of the way he couldn’t control his moans anymore.
Feeling the familiar heat coiling inside of your belly, you guided his hand to your throat. Gerard immediately wrapped it around your neck, firm but careful, not enough to cut off any air supply. The way you bit your lip let him know that you were approving it silently.
“Come inside me, please.” You moaned as you encouraged him.
The words sent a thrill straight to his core, snapping his hips even harder so his balls slapped against your body repeatedly. He could swear he could see stars at this moment.
“You want me to fill you up, baby?” He pushed, teasing you with his raspy voice.
“No one fucks you like I do,” Gerard spoke, not asking you, more letting you know of a fact that you were already aware of. “No one gets to have you like this.”
“No one else, just you, Gee.” You moaned, trying to ground yourself on his back. “Claim me.”
He groaned, slamming into you one last time. He buries himself to the base, pressing his pelvis tight against yours and you both let go. You feel him spill into you, flooding your insides with his warmth.
He let himself fall on top of you, careful not to crush you with his weight, and let the waves of his orgasm wash over him. You felt him twitching inside of you and moaning in your ear, his hot breath on your neck against the cold air of the room.
Gerard held you tight, refusing to let you move, making sure you take everything he has to give. His mind too clouded to speak through his pleasure.
You could feel the beat of his heart in your chest as he wrapped his arms around you, one hand stroking your hair while he stayed buried inside you, still twitching occasionally.
You laid there for a couple minutes, letting your breaths return to normal and your heartbeats to calm down.
“You’re my everything,” he whispered, kissing the top of your sweaty head. “Do you know that?”
“I didn’t know that.” With a smile on your face you answered, your legs were still numb as his body tangled with yours.
“Remember that time we had a fight,” one of his hands reached for the cover of the bed, pulling it over your bodies. “And I told you that you have no idea of the things I do for you?”
“Uhm, yes. Why?” You asked, confused as to why he was bringing up an argument after having sex.
“Because if you knew, you wouldn’t have a single doubt about it.” He looked into your eyes earnestly, caressing your face with the gentlest touch.
You still felt him softening inside of you, neither of you daring to move away from the other.
“I think I still got plenty of time to figure it out.”
“My time is all yours.”
When you woke up and Gerard wasn’t next to you anymore. You looked for your underwear around the room and found it next to the bed on the opposite side, next to Gerard’s T-shirt. You put both of them on and walked into the bathroom, checking on your appearance.
You looked surprisingly good for the crazy last twenty-four hours of your life.
After you finished cleaning yourself up, you walked into the kitchen, where Gerard was making some breakfast although it was time for lunch.
As soon as he sensed your presence in the kitchen, you exchanged your good morning wishes and a couple tender kisses until the rest of breakfast was ready.
Gerard refused to accept your help, claiming that everything was already done.
“Just don’t distract me or I will burn the toast.” He pleaded, letting your coffee get a little cold so you wouldn’t burn yourself.
You sat at the counter nursing a mug that had long since stopped steaming. Coffee for you, tea for Gerard, who stood a few feet away, half-listening and singing along to a song from the 80s played softly in the background while he searched through one of the cabinets for a honey dipper to soothe his throat.
He looked beautiful, and the soft light that entered through the window in his kitchen made it feel warmer than it actually was.
You started to look around his place, trying to gather small pieces of information about him scattered around his place, like the fact that for the first time since you have set foot in his place the coffee table in the living room didn't have any books or comics on top of it or that there weren't any jackets left all over the place.
Your attention drifted toward the corner of the room. You frowned, and stared for another second before speaking.
Gerard glanced over his shoulder.
The movement was subtle, but something shifted in his expression.
"Oh, those."
He looked back at the cabinet, biting his lips before closing it, giving up on the task of looking for the object. You thought he might brush the question aside, but he spoke.
"I just got them shipped yesterday morning."
You nodded softly, taking a sip from your cup.
"What for?"
His shoulders rose and fell with a breath, and he finally turned toward you.
"I've been packing my canvases and art supplies because I'm moving out.”
Something in his tone made you suspicious, and you set your mug down. Your brain caught up a second later.
"Cool. Closer to the city?"
"Los Angeles."
You stared at him, and he simply held your gaze.
There was no hesitation in his words, they were as plain as they could be. That didn't help you to clear the confusion at all.
"Los Angeles, the state?"
"Yeah."
"When?"
"Soon. I haven't set a date yet."
You watched him for another moment, waiting for the rest of the pieces of information that you knew you were missing. You waited for him to tell you that it was a silly joke, or maybe the clarification that you had gotten it wrong, but nothing came.
"You never told me that."
"I didn't know when."
"Is that why you've been spending so much time there?" You looked back toward the pile of cardboard boxes, still folded neatly in the pile that they came as.
He nodded, gathering up his courage to keep talking.
"I was looking for a house."
A house.
Not a rental, an apartment or a loft. A house, the most permanent material thing that someone could commit to. Something that had apparently existed in his mind for long enough to act on it and get it done. Your fingers ran through your hair, scratching your scalp as you tried to not focus too much on the headache that you knew was coming.
"When were you planning on telling me?"
Gerard started to bite the nail of his thumb, his words out mumbled.
"I didn't know how, it's not confirmed yet."
You hated that he wasn't arguing or that he wasn't trying to defend himself. He looked guilty, even ashamed, which made you understand exactly why he had kept it to himself.
"This apartment's mine," he said after a moment. "I'm not getting rid of it."
You let out a short breath.
"That's not really the point. I don't care about this apartment.”
A heavy silence settled between you. He wasn't leaving forever, both of you knew that. Gerard had —and kept on making— more money than most people would ever see in a lifetime. He could get on a plane whenever he wanted, and he could even spend half of the week in the East and the other half in the West if he felt like it. The distance wasn't the problem. The problem was so much deeper than geography and airports.
You had already spent a good part of the past two years learning how to lose him in small ways, from tours to recording sessions and interviews. Entire months where life pulled him somewhere else away from you and you were understanding about it. You had become used to pretending that his temporary absence didn't hurt, but this was completely different.
Gerard got closer in front of you.
"I'm staying, though. I won't leave." His words had a different meaning, you both knew that.
"That's not what it sounds like.” You laughed quietly, and his face softened. You had to look away before you could see his remorseful expression.
"Did you find a house?" Your voice came out more high pitched than you had expected it to be, your throat tightening with emotion.
"I think so." Gerard nodded, looking down at the floor. “Five rooms, four baths, an enormous backyard. A swimming pool.”
You swallowed. A house, an entire house that he had been planning for God knows how long without you ever being a part of the conversation.
The thought hurt more than you would have ever expected. When you finally looked back at him, his eyes were already on you. Gerard looked worried, the smallest wrinkles forming between his eyebrows. You hated that he had reason to feel like that.
The night before had felt like finally reaching the goal of a race you both have been running for years, but this moment felt like injuring yourself before finally reaching the end and ripping the ribbon apart. Gerard took another step closer to you, intertwining his fingers with yours. You let him hold your hands, but you couldn't bring yourself to hold on any tighter. You didn’t have the strength to, especially not when it already felt like he was slipping through your fingers and that, once again, he was messing everything up.
His thumb moved once against your skin before he looked away, dragging a hand across his face. He seemed exhausted, his entire aura changed in less than a minute.
Gerard let out a breath and looked toward the boxes.
"I have to close the deal on the house before the end of the month."
"I didn't tell you because I know how bad that sounds. I didn't even know if I was actually going to do it."
Your eyes immediately dropped to the floor.
“You should've told me sooner."
"I know and I'm sorry." His voice cracked enough for you to hear it.
You couldn't bring yourself to look at him. You were afraid of what you would find on his face. Afraid of finding regret, acceptance or even worse, neither of those two.
The forgotten mugs went cold next to you and the toasts were forgotten as he got even close, feeling his hands softly grabbing the sides of your face.
When you finally looked up, he was standing closer.
"I need you to listen to me." Something in his voice made your stomach twist. The teasing edge he always carried was gone. "I want to buy a house because my life is changing." You stared at him, and he swallowed hard. "And every time I thought about it, every single damn time, you were there. I'm not leaving you."
You had to hold your breath as Gerard shook his head, almost frustrated with himself.
"You think I spent all that weekend dragging you around the city because I couldn't make up my mind about lunch?"
"I wanted your opinion, what you thought. I wanted to know if you'd like the neighborhood I took you to.” You felt your pulse hammering in your chest.
Your breath stopped completely. The room became impossibly quiet, the CD that was playing had already reached the end.
His eyes locked onto yours, and Gerard had to look down for a moment before forcing himself to continue.
"Every house I walked through, I caught myself wondering what you'd say about it." His voice softened, a hopeful smile creeping in his face. "Whether you'd like the kitchen, if you'd love the backyard. What things would you hate about it.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. His eyes found yours again, and the glimmer of hope in his eyes broke something inside your chest. Just enough to let everything spill through.
"Gerard..."
"If it was up to me," he interrupted, his voice shaking now, "I'd take you everywhere with me."
The words landed with devastating simplicity.
He didn't hesitate, and never attempted to soften them. You stared at him, shaking your head in disbelief and his fingers tightened around yours. The emotion flooded his face so openly that it almost hurt to witness.
"I don't want a life where you're away from me."
The confession left him in pieces, you could see it.
You had spent way too long in uncertainty, “almosts,” standing one step away from what he wanted because he was too afraid to reach for it.
"This is really hard for me too..." He stopped himself, shaking his head. "But I have to do it. I looked forward to this my entire life and this is the right moment."
Your eyes burned. Gerard laughed once, but the sound was rough and completely humorless.
"I spent months trying to convince myself I was being ridiculous." His gaze dropped briefly to your joined hands. "That I was getting ahead of myself, but I couldn't help but imagine where you'd leave your stuff when I was looking at houses." His voice lowered.
The entire conversation felt bigger than both of you. Bigger than the apartment, Los Angeles and the boxes sitting in the corner. It felt like standing in front of the future and realizing there was no way to walk around it. A future in which neither you or him fitted.
Another impossible confession.
"I'll do whatever it takes." You closed your eyes and when you felt your voice breaking completely. Not only could he feel his heart slowly breaking, but also the party and the lack of sleep left his voice in misery.
Everything else disappeared, there was only him, the truth that he just uncovered and the way he was holding you as though the most important thing in his world was standing directly in front of him.
The harsh realization that this had never been about distance terrified the both of you.
Gerard could cross the country whenever he wanted, but the possibility of choosing different futures, waking up one day and discovering that the life he built no longer had a place for you, or that you couldn't fit him into your plans could break you both.
Or even worse than all of those options: That one of you could find someone else who would fit perfectly in your lives. He looked at you as if he had finally understood that fear that you have been going through for months now. It was his turn to feel like he could get replaced at any second by someone who fit into your future perfectly.
And now that his big secret was out in the open, he was standing in front of you offering every piece of certainty he possessed.
And Gerard was asking you, with every trembling word and every terrified look and every single piece of his being, if you wanted to build a home with him.
You didn't realize you were crying that much until Gerard reached for your face and his thumb brushed the tears coming out of your eyes.
"No, no, no. Don't cry, baby. Please." His voice was painfully soft. "Come here."
The second he pulled you against him, something inside you gave out, and you just let it happen. Your hands gripped the back of his shirt as his arms wrapped around you immediately, as if he could protect you from the pain he was inflicting in you.
You buried your face against his shoulder, leaving traces of your tears on his t-shirt. You were too tired to be embarrassed to let your pride win.
Gerard's hand moved slowly through your hair.
"We’ll figure it out. It will be okay, sweetheart."
"No, it won't." You laughed through a broken breath. He tightened his hold.
"Yes. Trust me."
"No… It always has to be something." Your voice cracked as you pulled back enough to look at him and more tears spilled over before you could stop them, blurring everything around you.
The following words came out faster, all the pent up frustration had finally found a way out. Gerard only listened.
"We finally get here, we have an honest conversation and decide to give this a try." You gestured helplessly between the two of you. "And now you're moving across the country. I can´t, Gerard." You sighed, the sound was just as exhausted as you were. “I give up.”
The confession hurt him even more than any of the tears you just shed, because he knew it was true. You were tired, exhausted of the uncertainty and waiting. Having spent more than a year wondering only for life to always find a way to pull it apart again was the nail on the coffin.
Gerard froze, his entire body went still except from his hands that tightened around you.
"What the fuck do you mean?"
"I don't know if you're staying or leaving, if we're friends or if you’re my boyfriend." You wiped angrily at your face, your voice trembled. “And now you move to the other side of the country? I can't live like that.”
The color drained from his face. He looked genuinely frightened now that he had finally heard the possibility hidden beneath your words. He had suddenly realized that there was a possible outcome of this conversation in which you walked away and he was left with his heart on his hands with nowhere to go.
"Don't say that. You can’t tell me that you love me and then give up on me." His hand immediately found yours, holding on desperately. He shook his head in disbelief. Almost angry at the situation and himself, his breathing had changed. Your heart twisted.
"That's not what I'm saying."
"Then why are you saying that you’re giving up?" His voice cracked, the panic creeping in.
"I don't want a partner for the weekends or every once in a while. I don't want it. I don't deserve it.”
Then Gerard's eyes shifted. You watched the exact moment a thought occurred to him, when something clicked into place.
His entire expression changed. He stared at you, then shook his head as if he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it sooner.
"You come with me to Los Angeles."
"Gerard, I can't. You cannot be—"
"I'm serious." His hands squeezed yours tighter.
"So am I." You stared at him, and he looked completely, terrifyingly serious. “Are you crazy?”
"I’ll support everything. You don't have to figure everything out right now."
He swallowed, the words rushed out of his lips desperately driven by the fear that if he stopped talking he might lose you. "I'll help you find a job. I'll introduce you to every person at the label. You can create your own business. I don't know. We figure it out together."
His voice grew firmer, and you had to look somewhere else to not fall for his words. His hands found your face, turning your head so that you would look at him again.
"You move in. If you don't like it or if you want your own place, we will figure it out. But we do it together.”
Emotion thickened his voice. The suggestion sounded absurd, funny and even impossible, yet a laugh never came out of your mouths.
He meant every word.
His hand found your cheek again while he let his forehead rest against yours.
The tears started again, immediately. You gripped the fabric of his shirt so hard that it stretched the fabric. Gerard laughed softly when he saw your tears back again, his own eyes looked suspiciously bright now.
"You think I'm finally gonna tell you that I'm in love with you and then let you walk away?" The words stole the air from your lungs, he had never said it so plainly. Gerard saw the shock on your face and held your gaze anyway.
"I love you." His voice broke.
“I love you too, Gee.”
"Please, after all we went through don't leave us like this," a tear slipped down his cheek that he didn't even seem to notice. “Say the word and I swear I'll move a fucking mountain to be with you.” The words left him so quietly that you almost missed them
His fingers intertwined with yours, the grip felt unbreakable.
i just hit a massive burnout wall bcs apparently my dumbass thought i could juggle a fic blog, a fan acc, a whole ass band, and getting cheated on/going through a breakup at the same time.
i keep coming back to this clip every time i need motivation to finish the fic guys oml… he makes me wet 🤤 anyways. new fic soon (probably) because im properly motivated now.
No Gerard I completely understand, if I had an opportunity to put Ray Toro in tight pants and the sexiest jean jacket ever designed I’d probably revive danger days too.
