cam

wlw like my poems biatch

[venusblooms]

when i had your fingers in my mouth, i remember feeling the fragility in the air filling my bedroom

i remember thinking nothing we could do would make this moment last forever

i prayed for more time anyway

i dont believe in god, but i believed in you

i found a religion in being under your fingernails, memorizing the patterns on your skin, every time your hand struck my cheek i called it devotion

the way your hands conformed to the shape of my throat is all i have left of you now

if you were a scientist, i would take my life so you could have my body one last time

you would see the blood pooling in my lungs and how it rests when its still, and how the nerves behind my eyes still remember the color of yours

every fiber of my fading heartbeat would be a sign that there is evidence of you inside me, even at the end

and when my body was cold and used up, you would write that there was nothing unusual found

only the wanting to be seen so completely that it meant being disected

[venusblooms]

when i hate myself, i think of the purple and green ambience lights shadowing off the streets

i remember our hotel nights

you lit my cigarette, and whispered sweet nothings

how did i know you would be gone by morning

when you stare at me, i cant figure out what youre seeing

is it me or you

id like to think im nothing like you, but we wanted the same things

stability, love, and drugs

you knew i had it, i knew you havent been sober

i cant fix you by becoming you, thats why i had to go

you pushed me too hard

did you hate me because i wasnt your kind of sick

i can cut myself, snort all the coke in the world, and give too much of a shit about what people think about me

we can go our seperate ways, but still end up in the same hole we woke up in

but its okay, ill go back and back again

i find comfort in the pulls and pushes

i loved when you would scream at me, when you would put ur hands on me, i love you

please love me

-cam