@veritech-bees - Tumblr Blog

someone, drawing a character Once: this is my muse me with my folder of >100 illustrations made of two characters since november 2025: i dont think you know what that word means

#am i just being a petty bitch? yes yes i am #i dont care. youre using that word wrong and posting about a game i hate #i can be a petty bitch if im doing so on my vent blog with no followers <3 #no one is harmed by me being a petty bitch here

my most commonly repeated phrase is "you did nothing wrong" which i have to repeat daily because if i see bad behavior from someone else in any way, i feel so guilty i want to cry

oh my god my social life might be exploding again why am i always on the side lines of these things it sucks so hard

i hate undertale so fucking much dawg. don't show me that shit. i try so hard to block it but alas. even with 20+ tags blocked. y'all bitches keep showing it to me

#my best friend attempted last night. she doesn't see the problem with this #i've stopped feeling worried and scared when she's like rhis. i'm getting mad #she's refusing to take steps to better herself and is refusing advice #i'm going to loose her and have spent our last times together mad at her #bc she won't fucking accept that she needs to get better #shes mad at me now. fair enough i'm mad at her

my best friend is violently suicidal and a promise to me is the only thing keeping her alive. this is the most stressful shit. she is desperately trying to kill herself in whatever manner she can and im helpless. i cant do anything. shes on the other side of the globe from me.

#i hate having to regulate her and talk her off a ledge #i dont think her medication is working correctly i think shes experiencing #paradoxical sucidality. and its so scary

ik im not like. a sexless monster that no one desires. but fuck man if the thought of dating doesnt make it feel like that.

#all my friends all have better prospects than me when it comes to dating #in the last mmm 3 years #ive had One girlfriend for like 8 months. and for most of it we lowkey ignored eachother #i am not. Good at dating. but no one gives me the chance to get better #and i was legit more sexually (nd romantically) active in school #thats kinda pathetic

if you cant explain to me what partial rapture premillennialism even is (in your own words) AND tell me who CettwinzTV are i dont want to hear your opinion on the rapture scare.

#i wont pretend some of the tiktoks were funny (SOME most of them were deeply unwell people whos religious delusions-#- and suicidal idealization have just been validated and confirmed leading to people ruining their own lives in a hope for the rapture) but #some of you just want to call people stupid based off their country of birth and serenely held religious believes that differ from your own #this was a mass delusion event but people arent stupid for being mentally ill #all of you leftists already know this #and people arent inherently less intelligent for being born in a different country #again leftists already know this #and finally- you arent better than someone just because you dont follow their particular religion for whatever reason-#- and assuming you are better than for that fact is fucked up man. come on.

someone else did something embarrassing so why do i want to crawl into a pit and die. i dont even know them

veritech-bees

i am going to have to talk to someone about this

#guess who's doing it again #i just woke up and she's having a crisis and wants me to regulate her #i am So Tired #the only reason i'm even awake right now is because i needed to go to the bathroom

i am going to have to talk to someone about this

#i cannot handle every single time she messages me when i wake up #having to talk her down from a ledge first thing in the morning #i cannot handle regulating her emotions all the time i can't even do rhat to my own

hate when you see a post and can *feel* your semblance of happiness drain out from your body

i want to disappear from the face of the earth why must i be caught in the middle like this

#i am my own person. i am not her keeper #i am not responsible for her nor does anyone hold me responsible for her

if i'm too unpleasant i get told off and shamed. if i'm too happy i get told off and shamed.

let's see what happens if i simply say virtually nothing today. maybe then i'll go One day this trip without getting in trouble

#i got scolded for doing what i was told to do this morning #i dont even have the ability to shut my self away from everyone else #there's 16 people in a like. 3 bed 3 bath house #so i can't even just go sit in the dark and make it easy to everyone to Not yell at me

someday. somehow. people will want to be my friend

#and the leaves will be made of candy and rhe ground will be paved with gold #i'm so. fucking lonely #someday people will like me #i have to hold onto that hope #everything i do is in the hopes of reaching that moment where i can have friends

there is some fundamental part of being a human that i lack, that everyone else has

#i just remembered like. in my friend group theres another person whos obsessed with the same game as i am #its the least popular game out of all the titles (so unpopular we didnt get an offical english translation for 10 years)#and yet. people engage with the other persons interests and like. talk about that persons art #they dotn do that for me #what am i lacking #i am willing to do anything to get this part of me fixed #i will willingly eat poison #i will drink bleach i dont care whatever it takes #i will go through infine amounts of pain just for someone to fuckign care about me and what i like

veritech-bees

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#i cant even force myself to like popular media or popular characters #those characters do nothing for me they are not fun they are just. theyre there #they are interesting characters who are well written bc most main characters are like that in these games #but like #it does nothing for me #and i *know* thats probably how everyone else feels about my ship and my characters #but it still makes me want to fucking drive my car off a bridge into the ocean #people do not care about me or my interests. even if i produce the best fucking art work im capable of #it wont change anyones minds. theyll just say “i dont go here but this is pretty” and move on #i dont know what im supposed to do at this point.#i thought part of friendship was trying to get interested in what your friends are interested in #i am doing that constantly. every single fcking day im engaging with THEIR interests #but no one even fucking bothers to **TRY** and do the same for me

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#i hate being so aware of the fact i am different than everyone else #i can feel the fact no one quiet knows how to interact with me when im talking about my interests #it throws everyone off kilter #its easier if i just follow along and talk about *their* interests #no one even notices when i am constantly playing along #they dont notice when i stop talking about my own interests. no one cares about my interests #i need to accept that and stop shoving it down peoples throats

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