More thoughts (but this is kinda important, please read when you can)
Seriously, I am also considering having an account for my sfw me/Kara art, archiving everything here for myself, and then deleting this blog (EDIT: okay, deleting would probably be going too far, but I would lock this blog under a password I’d have no plans on ever sharing, so it is similar). I’d repost some of the more recent drawings, of course, since they fit that criteria. Yeah yeah, I know everything stays on the internet forever. If I ever get popular then there’ll likely be some annoying people who’ll go “omg did you know she’s into THIS?? lololol she’s so gross!!!!” Whatever. Fuck ‘em. But back then, I genuinely was in the habit of posting everything I drew. I didn’t really consider drawing private things for myself with no intention of ever posting them. I was so desperate to hear something back, to get that precious affirmation. I don’t do that anymore, but if I could go back and relive how I behaved on this blog, I might’ve gone about it differently. Now I’ve reached a point where going through this blog kinda feels like whiplash. Because I was so afraid (and still am to a degree) to be obvious about my love for Kara on main, art where I’m so much as blushing while looking at him goes here, but then so do the “such sinful” (yes I’ve really been told this) fetishes that I have (even though all of those are portrayed in a consensual and loving context, because that’s just how I am). It’s like all of the skeletons in the closet at once! Jeez! If someone stumbles upon this, it’s like a goldmine of blackmail material ... well, not that extreme lol but it feels like that sometimes. So yeah, bit of a dilemma that’s been going on for pretty much all this year. It’s not that I don’t want to be known for loving Kara anymore - hell, I love him more than ever. It’s that I want to be not one extreme or the other, find a nice middle ground - maybe even become confident enough to post my sfw couple-y stuff on main, but not post nsfw anymore. Besides, I can’t even post big Karas here anymore because tumblr’s algorithm flags my drawings for having female breasts (well, they are breasts ... gdsgds). I’d love for my love of Kara to someday be something I’m totally chill with in “public” (online-public). Even be able to take a light joke here and there. For people to think of me when they see a particular design or outfit he has, because it’s one that I love. To not just be known as some fan who cares “too much,” but a passionate fan who creates and whose love shines through her work and people aren’t creeped out by that. Is that so weird to want?
