Vexatious Universe

VEXATIOUS UNIVERSE here. These are my personal journals. 17 years and 10 months old.... From Boston...Welcome to my world. my ask box is available. ask me anything your hearts desire.

[burning-soul]

[placiddream]

close your eyes before it hits the ground

^ i did that like 60 times omg.

This is trippy as fuck. HELP GUYS! :c

[starangeandunusual]

Wow…

[lvghtning]

^

[volitation]

[soycannabica-deactivated2015120]

[adamslilith-msart]

[reinventlovexo]

[vexatiousuniverse]

as of late

i cry all the time.

my mom left me. (said she's never coming back)

i turned eighteen.

got kicked out, but i'm still here. idk

i'm stuck in this place.

alone.

can't start school (last year) yet;

i'm broke.

my parents aren't paying for nothing.

sad, very sad. 

and there's nothing i can do to help myself.

still haven't learned to drive. 

still no id, license, no nothing. 

can't sell nothing on etsy when i 

can't get to a post office.

don't have money for supplies.

life is moving while i'm just standing in the way perplexed.

[the-waves-wont-stop-us-deactiva]

[lucybydesign-blog]

[touchn2btouched]

[gink0]

[vexatiousuniverse]

me: despite the fact that no one views or cares about my blog, i will continue to spend the majority of my life updating it

[vexatiousuniverse]

I miss my beads, making jewelry kept me busy.

[vexatiousuniverse]

wow.

cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut

I have cut myself more that one-hundred times in the last week. Almost everyday. Tonight I had a fight with my careless fucking dad and with my grandmum who thinks everyone is disrespecting her. Fuck them all. I didn't do anything. I want to get better, I know that I can. But how can I when I have parents/family who treat me like shit. This shouldn't be my life. I really do want better results. My wrist and legs can't be hidden forever. Can't someone just love me? For me? Without blaming me, screaming, and lying to me? I don't lie to them. I tried crying, but I just can't. I cut my left wrist and right thigh and no tears rolled out. Earlier when I was on the phone, I had tears but not now. I just want to punch something and scream till I can't anymore. fuck me, this sucks.

[vexatiousuniverse]

why

can't they just leave me alone? I'm so mad right now. Harming isn't a option, but I'm trying my best.

[vexatiousuniverse]

Tired

I'm at the moment when all you want to do is cry but can't. I can't because I don't have the time to, and even if I do, someone will see me. I have all these problems but no one to help me. I listen but what can I really do? really? Everyday is a breaking point for me, somehow parents never seem to get it. grandparents, or any relatives. I just want to be left alone, leave me the fuck alone. God can disable me or let me die, right now everyone think i'm such a bad person now, just wait until they find out about the other demons i have and am fighting. just wait. they will think of me as a monster, but i don't give a fuck.

BTW happy fucking mother's day!

[vexatiousuniverse]

This shows it.

5-2-12 = 5 times (arm)

5-3-12 = 21 times (in a journal it said 14) (Both thighs)

I'll continue to add as I go on...It'll stop one day. One day

Pictures will be posted and tagged by my name VexatiousUniverse.

[vexatiousuniverse]

5-3-2012 Late Night Euphoria

Last night I cut myself fourteen times. I know it was a lot, but I could've added more. I tried not to cut that whole day, but sadly I fell into the pit of giving in. By the time I finished, I forgot to call my best friend back.

Yesterday, I felt pathetic and the true hurt of loneliness. My reason of simple terms is because I don't have relationships with people the way it is supposed to be and I was deeply irritated. Guessing that it came from being around others yesterday when silence was needed. Anyways, I don't walk around malls or anywhere looking for friends or boyfriends. Also, I do not feel sorry for myself. Some people feel sorry for themselves because they're lonely, but I just sense that I need time to find someone that will take me along with my past. It sounds cliche but it means a lot.

Honestly cutting wasn't intended. I just wanted to get high, but getting weed around here isn't easy. Because I don't have contacts like I did in Boston. Being sober isn't bad at all thinking is no different when I am high or not. I just want to feel unaware of these personal issues and people that surround me in this part of the universe. I cut yesterday because I didn't have weed. Somethings never go as I plan but stopping myself from cutting more than 14 times actually met my expectations. 

Today I planned to cut but I don't know if I will. I feel a urge coming on.