✧ °stardust ink° ✧

personal written poems, quotes and random thoughts from a 23 y.o who is trying to figure out how to be genuinely happy in this messed up world

[vexikk13]

{ sometimes I wanna extend my arms back to where I remember you happy, clench my fingernails deep into your vanity and throw you to the front, so I know for sure that if I move forward I will find you there, but you're not mine to mess around with, just as I wasn't yours either, but look at my deep bruises now. I healed. I'm cold. Embrace me, lover.

m.13

[vexikk13]

~ licking honey from the same knife ~

how can we ever watch again

the same old sky that holds within

the love i gave you far back then

and the same lies you're living in

i begged to never be invited

to see you taking someone's hand,

to see her happy and excited.

What ruin all we had and planned?

for years indeed i felt just pressure,

the solving wasn't on your list,

to me it was more of a treasure

for you, my love felt more like mist

i asked the stars and moon together

to hold me strong and give you peace,

your heavy pain to be a feather

that finds it's way into abyss

it took us time to come out empty,

with no more games, a pure restart,

not as two lovers turning twenty

but just as friends - two worlds apart.

u never asked for my forgiveness

but did indeed tell me about

your brand new love. I had to witness

two eyes light up with smiley mouth.

thought u were mean, how could you ever

just brag about love nice and slowly

then promise her the same forever

that made me act so damn unholy.

why can't you ever be "all in"?

your heart went missing, but again

the same old sky still holds within

the love i gave you far back then.

[vexikk13]

{ i got sympathy and love for the leaves on the tree, cause they fall for the rain, and for you...just like me.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ the tenebrific nature we often find ourselves in, is most likely coming a long way.

it starts with a pair of eyes in which u don't notice the epitasis.

they feel like everything u ever looked for gathered in a perceivable and real human, you would marry that soul the next second cause it seems like there can't be any bad habit or quality that could stand in your way.

you proceed to pour your persona into their bottomless social entertainment jar while yours barely gets smeared by "my favourite colour is blue" and "I prefer one's heart over looks"

u keep pouring and pouring letting the impluvious crimpy phenomena to overflow with passion, cause u spent so much time working on yourself, u have so much to offer and you know u should, cause there is love in this universe, so much that it can easily fill a bottomless jar, and you have it all, you are full of it.

day one: u pour, they validate it, they are hungry for everything you have to offer, they said they never met someone like you, they want you whole, they are thriving with delight, you still pouring, they pour a bit when u asked them yourself about their hobbies. "i like soccer"...

day 22. u don't wanna marry them anymore, your jar is two fingers filled. their is empty, they've been pouring it all in someone else's jar. u stay silent. down. listening to the rain that has been pouring outside for an hour now.

"the rain has been pouring for millennia too, so why can't i do the same"

a stranger with no epitasis in their eyes asked me today why I am this dry... and i suddenly started pouring.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ i guess raspberries meant for you pretty much the same thing pomegranates meant for me.

today i picked up the raspberries from my garden and they stained my hands the same way pomegranates stained yours.

maybe that's what we're supposed to do. to stain in order to leave a mark.

u left your mark(i thought about u while eating raspberries)

here's mine (may the other pomegranates u ever peel to never spill their juice again)

*i don't eat raspberries anymore, they taste sour and i want something sweet this time

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ Me and Grief might have the same mother. Loneliness. I often though we were so different, I can easily grief in loneliness, but grief can never bear with me in silence, cause Me is too loud for Grief to stand it. Near loneliness, Me becomes the loudest cause that's where Me feels no judgement. That's why Grief could never hide neither Me, nor Loneliness from the world. Because Loneliness walks everywhere, and where's Loneliness there is always Me, and where we are together there is definitely Grief somewhere around too.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ I met an angel once, he loved peonies and good music.

He never knew he was an angel but he was always on the verge of finding out, always swinging between life and something else, something that made him look devilishly beautiful while his soul of divine sunlight bursted all around him.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ Lost into the noise of your silence I caught myself strongly missing the space between your eyelids.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ I would have remembered your name if I tried to, but now the sound of it hurts my ears and blood is not even poetic, it's just red.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ My latest wish was to meet you years away from now when I already won't remember you fully, just the eyes and narrowly the lips, and the question I will ask will not hurt my heart like every other word I ever said before did. I'll ask you kindly, "Sorry, have I ever loved you before?" and you will look past my blue hair, longer than I ever had it, and a gentle smile will cover your face while your steps leading towards me will move a little bit to the right and we will pass each other by, never meeting again cause we both know the pain that comes with a lifetime forgotten love.

And it will be hard to walk as our hearts which were craving that one hug for over 3 decades will pull into each other stronger than ever, but at that specific moment ripping our chests out and setting them hearts free would be a better option than turning each other's heads ever again. Afterwards you will look back glancing at my blue hair, longer than I ever had it, and I will not turn around cause I already saw everything I needed to, the eyes that were the reason I morphed every other pair into brown.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ I fell at your heart door, my hand was already bruised from knocking. That was the moment I realized the Sun must be a woman because no man is capable of giving this much without expecting something in return.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ Setting yourself on fire just to keep others warm.

m.13

[vexikk13]

{ I actually don't ruin everything I touch I'm doing quite the opposite, but somehow I couldn't heal you, maybe I never really touched you.

m.13