I think back on a time when I was around 18 years old, sitting in on a young adults group that was going through a mini video series. It was really a wonderful series that strengthened my faith through several different areas of study, and it brought up many discussions. One in particular has resurfaced in my mind.
The topic had shifted to women in the church, and the roles they should play. Any talk of gender roles immediately gets my heart beating, but I remember sitting quietly and reflecting on the words said, some of which I agreed with and some of which I didn’t. The group began discussing a religiously-themed TV show that was rather popular at the time—Joan of Arcadia, which was basically a story about a girl who encountered God in different people. It was meant to be an inspirational show, I think, like Touched by an Angel sort of themed. Regardless, in our group it was mentioned how, in the show, God approaches Joan through people of all walks of life. Sometimes it’s a homeless man on the street, or sometimes it’s a business man in a suit, or sometimes it’s a wonderfully jovial woman on the bus. The last of these mentioned was the present topic.
Could God use the vessel of a woman to proclaim His truth? Was Jesus born a man because God would not have effectively been able to use a woman to die for mankind’s sins? Was it silly, unbiblical, or offensive for the TV show to suggest that God could speak—just speak mind you—through a woman and to Joan to give her His message for the episode?
These were all questions brought up, and one man in particular said he didn’t think God could use a woman in such a way, to which some men—and women—agreed. My heart raced and stomach churned.
I think to another time—a talk I had between a man I greatly respected—about him and his wife. They are in a loving relationship but it is not one without difficulty. At times I would lend an ear to both sides, quietly recognizing that really all they needed was someone to listen to them, as they felt like they could not talk effectively to each other. In this instance he mentioned 1 Peter 3:7. Every woman’s favorite verse! It was not the whole verse however, only the part that mentions the wife as “the weaker vessel”. Paraphrasing from memory, he said something like “women really are the weaker vessel Tiff. Not just physically but also spiritually.” His words did not sting me, and in fact I felt they were not directed towards me, despite my being a woman. They rolled off as though we were talking about some “other,” which did not apply to either of us. I think now it simply stemmed from the slight resentment or maybe even bitterness he felt towards his wife, and his need to rationalize his feelings in some way.
Here is 1 Peter 3:1 and 7-9, to give a little context:
1) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives (…)
7-9) Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tender hearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
I think about my friend and his struggle at the time. Surely he felt the need to justify how he felt, as I myself have often tried to rationalize certain struggles I face in life, often times putting the blame on outside factors rather than recognizing my own faults. I think in forgetting the rest of the verse, that was what my friend did here. He blamed their marital problems on her being the weaker vessel, or perhaps even on her not “submitting”, without recognizing the call that the Bible has for the husband: to be understanding, to give honor, and to be heirs together. Not to lord one’s strength or superiority over the other.
Personally I like Ephesians 5 even more than 1 Peter.
22-23) Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife also, as also Christ is head of the church (…)
This is not an easy call. And it’s a verse that at a younger age was harder for me to accept. Just the use of the word submit—God knows I hate that word. And for good reason. I looked to see if there were any better synonyms in the dictionary and this is what comes up: Bend, give in, grin and bear it, put up with, lay down arms, say uncle, throw in the towel, tolerate, surrender… Those all sound great, don’t they? But then I looked up the definition: “To allow oneself to yield to the authority of another. To comply or endure.” (Dictionary.com) It is an action that one must choose to take, often in the name of peace. Let’s think about the analogy given—Christ and the church. If the church is constantly trying to exercise its power over Christ, then there will never be peace, let alone an environment in which believers can grow. Submitting does not diminish your role as co-heir. It does not lessen your value in your husband’s eyes, nor in Christ’s.
And oh, men! God calls you to be understanding! To recognize that we are people with the same willful human spirit, who do not like to feel like we have no control! Honor us and recognize the difficult choice that we make in submitting to you. We must trust that you and God will lead us. We must yield our strength to you for the for the sake of the peaceful, loving, and respectful relationship that God desires us to have (Eph 5:33).
And then there is Ephesians 5:25
25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
How did Christ give Himself for the church?
You hear that fellas? Yes, you should die for us! Haha! Ah. I’m joking. But not really because we are called to die to ourselves every day (Mark 34-35). But remember, Christ lay his own life down. In the same way that wives must willfully submit, husbands must willfully die to themselves, denying the worldly desire of the flesh to use your strength to overpower her so that she submits to you, or to make her feel inferior or as anything less than a co-heir to God’s kingdom. We should sacrifice our wills for each other, as any successfully married couple knows. There is a give and take, a need to constantly build each other up, to recognize that in Christ’s love and in faith we are equals (Gal 3:28).
What do I know about the struggles of marriage and relationships? Not much, considering my lack of a wedding ring. But I think I have learned a thing or two from the relationships I have had, whether they be friendships or otherwise. If it’s a personality trait, or partly due to my being a woman, I cannot say. But, there are times where I find myself fulfilling the roles that the other person in the relationship expects of me. If they see me as quiet and meek and innocent, I sense it. I feel the need to live up to their expectations. Likewise if they think I’m witty and outgoing and funny, I can perform my own rendition of a slapstick comedy show. So when it comes to men, I sometimes feel like I am expected to meet expectations. I can’t say it is always to my benefit. But if I am in a relationship where the man loves me, honors me, does not belittle me for my strengths, and encourages me to improve myself, then I start to believe that I am those things. But in the same way, if in his eyes I am the weaker vessel both physically and spiritually, if I fall short due simply to my being a woman, then I will see myself as inferior, feeling like the words of 1 Peter are a burden on my life, and even still may feel the need to prove these perceptions wrong, in a way that is seen as “non-submissive.”
Perhaps I’ve gotten off track. Let me bring it back to my original point.
Can God use a female vessel to accomplish his tasks? Is a woman’s body such an unclean, over-sexualized thing that God would refuse to take part of it? Could Jesus had been a woman?
Let me remind you that God is the creator of femininity just as he is the creator of masculinity. That he looked upon his creation, both male and female alike, and said “it is very good’ (Gen 1:31). That often times His love is compared to that of a mother, even a hen caring for her chicks (Luke 13:34). That God chose a woman to bring the Son of Man into the world because she had found favor with God (Luke 1:30-31).
I think when we read the Bible we sometimes get confused between what God’s original intention was for woman, and what the fallen world has allowed her to become. We sometimes think that the words written by the men God chose, and the cultural beliefs surrounding gender roles at the time, go hand-in-hand. But I beg to differ. Jesus constantly broke those cultural expectations. He reached out to Gentiles and tax collectors and yes, even women (John 3:7-29). The bible says that even the “stones would immediately cry out” to proclaim the name of the Lord if no one else would (Luke 19:40). Could not God use also the mouth of a woman?
I hope that whoever reads this does not see it as some fanatical feminist rant. It is a topic that long has been turned over in my mind and one that I feel I finally have the ability to address, at least in some small aspect.
To quote Frances E.W. Harper from an excerpt I just so happened to be introduced to this week:
“If before sin had cast its deepest shadows or sorrows had distilled its bitterest tears, it was true that it was not good for man to be alone, it is no less true, since the shadows have deepened and life’s sorrows have increased, that the world has need of all the spiritual aid that woman can give for the social advancement and moral development of the human race” (Woman’s Political Future).
I know now without a doubt that God can use women for his purpose. That countless times my life has been touched and changed by the hands of mothers and daughters who retain the same Holy Spirit that is given to fathers and sons. In attempting to limit the work of God among the different genders, we are putting a handicap on our faith. God used men for his purposes during Jesus’ time because that was the only gender the world would listen to. But if we are to truly reach our potential we need to recognize the gifts within the whole church body—men and women alike. I hope that God can use me, too, to touch the lives of the men and women I come in contact with so that when they look at me they also see a reflection of His Spirit and love.
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