I GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES @vicetested - Tumblr Blog

should make lawrence go dig me up. see what’s in there.

:(

Al and I remain a deadly duo in the kitchen. If it wasn’t for the divorce we could have our own daring international cooking competition.

Good morning. I need to start packing but instead I’m laying like a dead fish staring at my phone.

I close my medicine cabinet door (you’ve seen movies) and Amanda’s there behind me and I just sigh.

going to get around to breaking into doctor gordon’s place sometime and making him diagnose me with something

I diagnose you with stop breaking my goddamn windows.

Oohhhh, oohhhh, ohhhhh. There was a knock on my door, I opened it, revolver at the ready, and guess what was stuck in the doorframe!

Another perfect omelette, Doctor Gordon.

Rambo won’t take his goddamn pills. I’ve been following him with the pill shooter all morning and he is so much faster than me.

@spiiderwiick It’s simmering...

@bedinspector: yum,

Finally I’m appreciated.

@razorwiring: what the hell kind of macaroni are you making you fucking freak

Gordon Ramsey doesn’t think I’m a freak.

@razorwiring: sounds like something a guy who fucked up some macaroni would say.

Amanda. I am working. With very delicate ingredients. Oyster mushrooms. Fontina cheese.

It’s just macaroni, how complicated could it be.

@egoterrorism: fake one. they’re LARPing.

Oh, I see. I don’t know what that means.

What country do these people even live in.

“Thank you, Doctor Gordon” I say as I remember that I bought breakfast potatoes as a little treat for myself.

Striped hyenas

Mammals of the Soviet Union, 1988

Illustration by A. M. Komarov

I GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES