names of angels on the backs of your eyelids

for my part i know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.

[victoriaiskra]

ooc

I keep getting an "unauthorised" notification any time I try to reply to posts, I'm really sorry everyone! I'll reply as soon as tumblr stops playing up.

[victoriaiskra]

" Hey, what do you think of my new necklace?"

[observando]

All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.

Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

[theshinysquirrel]

[ginnny-lawson-deactivated201710]

[victoriaiskra]

next to the wild animals / ROMAN & VICTORIA

[roman-birch-deactivated20140430]

Roman was conflicted. He wanted to spend time with this girl—she was certainly more interesting than he had initially thought—but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel that he was doing something wrong. She was biologically his daughter, but he’d done absolutely nothing for her. Roman hadn’t been there for anything in her life, he didn’t know her favorite color, he hadn’t heard her first word, he hadn’t provided for her or Danica. He was a shitty father, and he knew it. 

He chased a little after Victoria, who was picking up the pace. Roman picked his way through the underbrush, keeping his eye out for these flowers Victoria had been excited to collect. It would certainly brighten up the landscape; the forest had been dull and grey over the winter, heavy with the dark clouds. 

Roman bit his lip at her sigh. He wished he could tell her…just spit it out. But he’d made a promise to Ivy, and he’d kept that promise for sixteen years. After what he’d done to Danica, he knew that his ties with the Iskra family had to be severed completely. 

The miner opened his mouth, then closed it again. This was an extremely uncomfortable conversation that he had never ever expected to have. He made a non-committal noise, scratching his forehead instead of looking at Victoria. He couldn’t help but blush a little bit behind his hand. This was getting to be too much. She was going to find out, sooner or later, she seemed to be quite inquisitive. Almost to a fault. 

But his shame and embarrasment only lasted a few seconds. Suddenly, the world was full of blue. Roman cast his eyes around, staring at the thin, delicate flowers. They were glorious. Roman wasn’t one to gush over stupid, petty things like flowers, but he had to admit, the gods had done a masterpiece here. 

"You’re welcome," he said, letting a small smile break over his face. "The flowers, they’re beautiful." 

He picked one up off the ground, cradling the delicate petals in his thick, calloused hand. The miner had never examined a bluebell up close before. Only now could he see the small details on the plant, the veins that wound their way up through each individual petal, or the way that the heads of the flowers hung down, their insides concealed. 

"Listen," Roman said, trying to break her off in the middle of her sentence, "You don’t need kids right away. Just, take a little while. I don’t know, it’s not like I’m your mother, but just…be careful." 

Her next words hit him like a ton of bricks. I’m going to marry a man who loves me and we’re going to love our children and never, ever leave them. Not like my parents left me. 

Roman sighed, deeply, feeling immensely guilty. He suddenly had to imagine Victoria’s upbringing, with a stern old Ivy Iskra as a caretaker. “I…shouldn’t we be heading home soon?” he said abruptly, standing up and accidentally stepping on a clump of bluebells. 

[victoriaiskra]

"Oh, aren't they?!" Victoria agreed at a cry, utterly overwhelmed by the newborn beauty of the flower around them. This winter had felt unbearably long - colourless and more claustrophobic than ever, with Victoria getting ever older and keener to get away from her grandmother's tight protectiveness. But the bluebells had reminded her of all the joy and colour to be found in the world, and that combined with the strong scent was sending her head spinning almost as much as the time she'd snuck ale at a Village gathering and got pleasantly tipsy on it.

Victoria expertly began to pluck flowers from the ground, picking up the apron she was wearing over her dress at the bottom to create a makeshift basket, and began piling them in with deep contentment. She couldn't wait to get home and garland her bedroom and then fix them into her hair, crowning herself with the first buds of Spring. Life was suddenly looking up immensely.

Her hair swung into her face as she bent to methodically tear up the flowers, but she turned her head sideways to look at the miner as he spoke, dropping her current handful into her skirts so she could push her long hair out of her field of vision and regard him as he offered her advice. 

"I'm always careful," she reassured him brightly, unaware that she might here be suggesting something akin to birth control or similar rather than not knocking her head on low doorframes, which was the sort of thing she considered being careful. "And don't worry, I'm not going to produce a baby right now. I'd need a husband first!"

Laughing now, she bent to grab another handful of stems, and then straightened up. Her apron was veritably bulging, and she was confident she had enough to decorate her bedroom. She laughed again as Roman sidestepped into a large clump of flowers, and darted forward to protect another patch. She shot out an arm to press him gently away from the as-yet-untrampled clump, still giggling. She really did like him, she was so glad he'd come with her. She always liked making new acquaintances, and he was funny.

"I'm done now," she reassured him, using the hand not holding up her apron to reach out and pluck the bluebell he'd been examining out from between his fingers, "We can go if you want!"

Suddenly, with another laugh, she popped up onto her tiptoes and in one swift movement tucked the bluebell behind his ear.

"There," she announced when she bounced back to her usual height, grinning broadly, "You look so pretty." She was in such newly high spirits thanks to the flowers and felt so unexpectedly comfortable with Roman that she was even ready to tease him gently - something that usually took her some time to feel okay with. But there was just something about the man, she felt completely natural to be around him.

[iheartgot]

[victoriaiskra]

Your mother would want you to   c a r r y   o n.

[victoriaiskra]

flows to a raging sea / VICTORIA & DANICA

[danicaiskra]

Tilting her head slightly, Danica continued to analyse her daughter. Although she had seen her from a distance she had never been close enough to truly look or get a grasp on what her personality was like. It pained her to admit it to herself, but despite Victoria’s appearance, she was incredibly similar to the Roman that she had known so many years ago when he was shy or timid. It was a good thing she had always loved that about him, it was actually what got her going in the first place to her own surprise. She was glad that was the part of him that Victoria had inherited, she didn’t think she would be able to stay sane if she had too much of Roman in her. Not while she was a mess of emotions when it came to him, anyway.

Dani let out a laugh at her sentence. The thought of al of her sisters being kind was comical to her, especially the idea of Serafin and Irina actually being kind to a human. That was just hilarious. “Oh gods no, you should definitely be careful, not all of us are nice. I know for a fact two of my sisters would have drowned you without hesitation. You should stay a good couple of metres away from the rivers edge whenever you come here to visit me, then they won’t be able to drown you.” Danica would be quite tempted to slap her sisters around with a fish if they dared to drown her daughter. The thought of anyone but her doing it made her throat thicken for some ungodly reason. 

She wondered if the manners she displayed was something that came naturally to her, she inherited from Roman or whether they had been drilled into her the way she had always tried to embed them into Danica but had always failed. The thought of it just made her blood boil and she felt a sharp pang of guilt flash through her at the thought of leaving her daughter with that witch for all this time, but it was gone as soon as it came. God, she had hated those lady lessons her mother had given her, finding them pointless and constricting. She would much rather be outside playing with the boys and getting her skirts dirty rather than trying to walk around with a damn book on her head. Soon Victoria wouldn’t have to entire that kind of torture once she joined her in the river. She could be free and do whatever she wanted, no lessons or commitments. She could be free and understand why Danica never had a wish to return to the village and let everyone in her past life know that she’s alive. That would mean having ties binding her down and she didn’t want that. It was easier just to be dead.

Pulling herself out of her thoughts, she tuned back in to reality in time to hear her daughter speak again. “Oh, you don’t have to be a good swimmer. I barely knew how to swim when I became a mermaid, but it’s a natural instinct that kicks in once the tail does. You get much braver and carefree, too.” Danica couldn’t hold back her grin at the mention of her daughter’s dancing and the obvious smugness and pride that Victoria had in it. Perhaps she was more like her mother than she had originally thought and the slight arrogance in her tone confirmed that, as did the dancing. “Are you really? I used to be quite the dancer myself back when I was human, but they never called me the best. My crown was in a different category.” She winked and giggled, biting lightly on the corner of her lip. She wondered if Victoria was still a virgin seeing as the gods knew she sure as hell wasn’t when she was Victoria’s age.

She held her breath for a long time after the words had left her mouth, waiting for the reaction that could either make or break everything. Danica could only hope that she would stick around long enough to allow her to explain everything, but as she watched Victoria’s eyes bulge wider than she had seen them and her face grown paler than usual, anxiety hit her like a ton of bricks. What if she had made a mistake, it was way too soon. Barely five minutes into a conversation and Danica reveals that she’s her mother after sixteen years of Victoria thinking she was dead probably wasn’t her best move, but she had always thought before she acted and as usual it was likely to end badly.

Danica could swear that her heart skipped a beat when Victoria spoke again, disbelief in her words but uncertainty in her face. She could see the storm of emotions flowing in her eyes but she couldn’t pinpoint what her daughter was truly feeling. That was just something that she would have to learn to do with time though. Letting out a long sigh, Dani bowed her head for a second before raising it again and meeting Victoria’s eyes.

"It is entirely possible, Victoria." Her black eyes widened slightly and she pulled her arms back into the water. "I did die, but despite not being a virgin I was young and unmarried when I had my water burial. Isonade brought me back as a mermaid." She couldn’t tell whether she had not been truly educated about the Gods or whether she was just in shock and still uncertain about the truth. Probably the latter considering the situation. She supposed it would be like Henry coming out of nowhere and proclaiming he had been alive all this time, Danica wouldn’t be able to believe it.

"Victoria, wait!" She exclaimed in a slight panic when Victoria rose to her feet and Danica was sure she was going to flee and never return. Mermaids were known for their dark natures after all, it wouldn’t be surprising if Victoria didn’t take her word for it but she had to try and convince her. If the similar physical features weren’t enough to convince her then she was sure she could answer any personal questions that Victoria already knew the answer to.

This wasn’t going the way she had planned.

Once she was half sure that Victoria wasn’t going to run from her, she let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding, but her heart continued to hammer faster than it had in a long time. “I know it’s a shock and it’s hard to believe, but it’s the truth. Just look at my hair and my features and tell me that they’re not almost identical to your own.” Danica looked her dead in the face just to make it easier for her, her black eyes pleading. “I know that your grandmother is Ivy and that she is horribly strict and all about manners and being a lady. I know that she is constricting and doesn’t allow you to follow your true path and has probably prevented you from ever being like me.” That part she was still bitter about.

"You get your dancing from me, though and the pride that comes with your physical appearance. The way you hold yourself says that much." She was surprised by the feeling of pride that rose within her and she swallowed hard before pushing the feeling away and focussing on Victoria once again. "I’m your mother, you know it’s true." She wanted Victoria to believe her so badly, she didn’t quite know what she’d do if she left now. "Please, give me a moment to get dressed and come on land. I’ll tell you anything you want to know." Please give me a chance. That part was left unsaid though as she stared at her daughter, hope filling her.

[victoriaiskra]

"My grandmother always says to stay away from the water," Victoria replied to the mermaid, her expression serious. Ivy had a great many rules for Victoria from tiny to huge, and Victoria did her best to abide by as many of them as she could but frankly it would have been physically impossible for her to pay attention to them all. For this reason Victoria had sort of ranked them in her mind, with rules that concerned the preservation of her life (such as "do not wander into the forest alone", "do not go too close to the water", and so forth) the very top of her priorities, all the way down to the very bottom of the list where the rules that Victoria barely ever abided by resided, such as "be careful not to slop too much water out of the sink when you're washing up", and "do you really need to wear that many flowers in your hair?"

She was a little uncertain about the mermaid's reassurances that she'd become a good swimmer should she grow a tail, but was unwilling to antagonise somebody who could quite easily get bored and decide to drown her, so she gave her a bright smile and a nod to show she accepted this information. Her smile broadened into something much more genuine when the talk moved back to dancing, and she tilted her head curiously at the fiery-headed lady. 

"Isn't dancing the best? I bet you miss it," she said sympathetically - she knew she would! - and then continued with a question, "What did they say you were best at?" Victoria's innocence had been fiercely guarded by her grandmother, and she completely failed to pick up on the innuendo the mermaid was clearly trying to convey to her. She took the giggle as friendly and nothing more, and waited expectantly for an answer.

But her mother. Her mother. How could this be possible? Her mother was dead and buried in the ground, the shame of bearing a daughter out of wedlock under the earth with her. Victoria's breathing was harsh in her ears - she could barely see, her eyes seemed to be whiting out somehow. This could not be happening. She had accepted the death of her mother long ago - it was her father she was supposed to find! Her hands were wound so tightly with each other at her chest that she was losing feeling in her fingers; and she was hardly listening to a word the mermaid - Danica - was saying. This was not fair! This was a cruel trick played by the gods, she was probably dreaming, something like that. Anything like that. 

With a sharp gasp, Victoria wrenched her fingers apart and pinched herself hard on the forearm to see if this was truly happening. The pain flooded through her ,sharp and biting, and the rush of it centred her. So she wasn't dreaming. Danica's words swam into focus, and Victoria focused anew on the mermaid. Her eyes were wide and wild, and the tumult inside her head must have been visible on her face. What the mermaid said was true - she knew far too much about Victoria's life for her to just be playing a cruel jape. This was true. She really was looking at the mother she'd believed dead for sixteen years. 

Give me a moment, her mother said. Victoria choked out an astonished, near-hysterical laugh. Like she would be able to go anywhere right now. Trembling all over, she sank to the ground to wait for the mermaid to come out of the water. Her hands landed limply in her skirts, and she stared down at them. For reasons beyond her understand, her eyes filled with tears suddenly. As her vision blurred, she looked back up at Danica, and only one question presented itself on her tongue.

"Where have you been?" she whispered, the sound barely loud enough to carry, thick and rough with tears. She sounded like she felt - a lost little child, confused and scared. Fortunately, when she spoke again, her voice had hardened with rage and she sounded more adult - more like her grandmother, in fact. "It's been sixteen years," she informed Danica, her tone low and angry, "Sixteen years you've let me think I had no parents at all, nothing but a strict and unforgiving grandmother. Sixteen years you were here, playing around with your friends and leaving me to grow up by myself. Sixteen years!" she repeated, almost at a shout now. Her usual good manners were gone, driven away by her confusion and sadness and anger. 

Underneath it all, she was roiling in misery. How could any mother leave their child for sixteen years, without even coming to see how they were growing up? She had imagined her mother loving and strong and proud of her, and here she was faced with the reality - her mother had never even cared about her enough to visit her once.

[mercurieux]

[victoriaiskra]

follow the dancer / THE GREETING OF SPRING

Victoria took the spin with a dizzying soar of feet, her skirts whirling out around her, her hair whipping back into her face. Each tiny lash was a beat of delight, the stinging a vicious, biting drive to dance harder, to dance better. She could feel eyes on her - admiring eyes, envious eyes, lustful eyes. She didn't care who they belonged to, only that they were on her. The drumbeat picked up, and Victoria went with it, her heart and mind and soul in the music. She was barely aware of her body, of the graceful flow of motion through her limbs and torso. Her eyes were half-closed, her breath coming in short, sharp pants. She was the picture of control, each foot ideally placed, her arms continuing the poetry of her dancing body to end in the air around her, extending her radiance outside the small sphere she usually occupied. Victoria might have been silly, and selfish and cowardly and flighty, but by the Gods could she dance.

The music crested one final time, and then sang away wistfully, and Victoria came to a breathless, flushed halt with it. Her hand was snatched up by the girl next to her and squeezed joyously. Victoria squeezed back, her heart singing still. There was nothing like the few seconds following a dance as the girls came back to themselves, faces high in colour and prettier than ever from the exertion, firelight sending a mystical flickering across their skin - nothing like it but the dance itself, of course. Victoria squeezed the hand she was holding once more in delight, and then dropped it and stepped back. Time to let someone else claim the space. She would be back before there was long at all. Oh, how she loved the Greeting of Spring!

She knew her hair would be blown about now, heavy with sweat at the nape of her neck, but this did not deter her. She could see a few men staring at her with newfound interest - and for once she did not shy away from those gazes. Dancing always gave her such courage. And she knew she looked lovely tonight - with spring flowers in her hair and the virginal white dress her grandmother had sewn for her, she was flushed and giddy enough to feel as beautiful as her mother had suggested she was, as beautiful as a mermaid.

Her mother. The mermaid Victoria had met at the lake. Clamping down on the thought before it could go any further, determined not to let uncertainty and sadness cloud this night, Victoria picked up some ale from a table and took a large swig. For once she was out of her grandmother's sight, and she felt dangerous with the freedom. What to do? Oh, dance, of course, that was always the answer at a gathering! But the current one was still underway and her chest was still heaving, struggling to steady itself, and so she hung back for the moment. Casting her eyes over the crowd once more, she picked out familiar faces - Godfrey near the front, smiling at the dancers. Her grandmother near him, her gaze sharp as she searched for her granddaughter. Victoria ducked away behind a group of laughing men, determined to treasure the small freedom she had for a moment longer.

She picked out the kind miner who'd taken her into the woods for bluebells not so long before, his height making him an easy spot even if he was in shadows from where she was standing. And then there were other girls her age, the ones she knew from school. So many kind faces, and so many people looking so happy! Suspended was the rising tension in Braemer - the party was lifting all spirits. 

With that in mind, Victoria left her cup on the nearest surface and surged once more to the front of the crowd, laughing delightedly as two men stepped aside smiling for her, and flung herself once more onto the dance floor. Here was what she did best, here was what she knew - no manner of dead-but-not-dead mothers or absentee fathers or stern grandmothers could dampen her spirits tonight - she was young and beautiful and free and she was dancing. A god himself could not put the light out in her.

[victoriaiskra]

ooc

i'm so sorry i haven't been around - i was busy, then hungover, then went down with my brother's stomach bug so all in all i've had a bad few days! i'm just going to get a piece up for the event tonight and then crash because i'm still tired, but i promise i'll reply to the paras i owe (i think roman and danica and possibly henry?) tomorrow, i promise!

[vintage-image]

[galgadotssss-deactivated2016071]

[victoriaiskra]

ooc

hey guys - i'm really sorry, i forgot to say yesterday that i've come home for the weekend for my best friend's birthday so my time online is going to be pretty sporadic! i'll do my best to get replies up when i can but i may not manage until sunday now, for which i'm really sorry!

[arcanja2]

[observando]

Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.

Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger

[lookatthelights]