love + rent

Amateur mathematician. Sun in Libra. Pisces moon. Scorpio rising.

[screenshotsofdespair]

[vietmam]

This summer I spent a lot of it pushing myself to do things I wouldn’t normally want to do. This time last year I was depressed from moving, processing an assault that I never fully recognized, and was almost fully debilitated by anxiety. This time, this year, I feel content. I am still very anxious but I often wonder if I always was this way or if perhaps it happened later in life? Either way I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn’t feel this way, but I feel like it was real and I was not always like this. Mental health is exhausting.

I volunteered at GRC where I felt isolated and have very similar feelings of high school but felt like that cool freak who kind of owns it on their own until they eventually make friends. I feel like that is a movie plot somewhere. I made a few more friends slowly but surely, but felt completely out of place. Despite being queer, I don’t think I will ever feel queer enough. But maybe I will, idk.

I am halfway through a zine that has taken me all summer and mostly all I have to do is the art and formatting but I am feeling very down about my drawings recently so maybe that will get done or maybe it wont? Who really knows or cares.

School starts tomorrow and I am mildly excited. I did some of my homework already because that is who I am as a student, but also don’t want to get overwhelmed right at the start. Let’s save that for midterms. I have very mixed emotions about school. I have a few friends on campus but I keep very distant from them outside of school and I am unsure why. I don’t have as much time on my hands as I would like, between class and work and homework, but I find myself very annoyed by any conversation not around school unless one on one. I think I am very particular that way. 

My therapist thinks I compartmentalized my traumas and that is where my anxiety spawns from so we are currently trying to unpack slowly all the things I have stored up inside. I compared it to having an attic where I put each thing in an unmarked box and now that I want to go through and clean it out I have to first turn on the lights which are on the other side of the attic then figure out which identical box is which. I feel like I set myself up to fail in some regard just so I don’t have to let anything go. 

Who am I if I start letting go of my pain?  I have never let go and the unknown is what scares me the most right now. But I guess I’m more willing to try than I ever have been.

[nite-on-the-sun]

Honestly, I highly dislike it when ppl that don’t believe in astrology ask me to “Tell me about me.” It bugs! But if ur the homie, I’ll force it on you 😀

[vietmam]

Tryna feel good in the skin ur in

[bang]

[onlytwitterpics]

[vietmam]

On today's adventures in shitty things, my assaulter felt the need to try and explain his intentions that night but for over the past year and a half couldn't call it assault until literally the exchange before that email b/w a mutual male friend started reminding him wtf it actually is 🙃 l m a o 🙃

[thingsilearnedfromsatc]

[dissociativedarling-deactivated]

constantly thinking “wow, i’ve really internalized some toxic shit”

[flowersinoctober]

[fullpraxisnow]

Gentrification is State protected and enforced white supremacist violence.

[motherofvinegar]

Have yall ever been to Canton for a WTMD summer concert bc this shit is 2 real

[sickpage]

white people seeing mutants getting discriminated against in the x-men

white people seeing poc getting discriminated against in real life

[old-estonoes1]

[morenaax-408]

[morenaax-408]

Boost please!!

[fullpraxisnow]

Jeff Duncan-Andrade - Growing Roses in Concrete

“1 in 3 urban youth display the symptoms of mild to severe PTSD. And when you compare that data to the military data what you find is urban youth are actually twice as likely as soldiers returning from Iraq to get PTSD.”

This presentation is crucial to educators interested in the future and empowerment of inner-city youth of color. View the entire video here. 

[smashing-yng-man]

The Wedding Singer (1998)

[vietmam]

I want 2 forgive u & forget u

[vietmam]

When you finally feel like yourself for the first time so you shave your head to start fresh af