view from the cube

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Nice Email Address, Bro

Just sent an email to someone with a netscape.net email address.

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Ring, Ring

Earlier this week I got a phone call from an older gentleman, which in itself is not unusual. He inquired about his online subscription and was adamant he had renewed. He had not. He proceeded to rant that we were "nickel and diming him" - which seems to be a common phrase from the people who yell at me. He also mentioned that our business tried to use the "one size fits all" model and it's like cramming a size 11 shoe into a size 8.

He went on to tell me that renewing for a year was a) expensive b) probably not worth it because he didn't know if he was going to be around in a year. I responded with an "Oh goodness." and he went on to tell me about his stage 4 liver disease and how he spent 20 weeks of 2013 in the hospital. Also, the chances of him living to use this year subscription was HIGHLY unlikely.

I gave him a discount code because really, where do you go from there? As we were wrapping up our conversation I opened another can of worms by saying, "Well, you take care of yourself." I then learned his wife died two years ago and he'd be okay with dying.

This was all before noon. On a Monday. I just can't deal, people.

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There's champagne open in my car, if you need a pick me up!

Sassy Black Front Desk Lady 

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Dead mouse

I really thought my computer mouse died and it would be a legitimate reason to leave work. Alas. It was just in need of new batteries.

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The Triangle

There’s an area in the office that people put things they don’t want and are opening to the rest of the floor. Sometimes it’s leftover treats from a meeting, pens, or post it notes. Currently in the Triangle:

3 pens that have been there for a week. They must be the shittiest pens on Earth.

2014 calendar of cats

Map of the US from the Sierra Club

There were Oreos, but those disappeared quickly. I have a clear view of the Triangle and I have no idea how things are taken. I'm guessing Ninjas. Or when I'm surfing the internet. Or taking the most asinine calls. 

I’m going to start bringing up old clothes and other undesireable things just to see if anyone takes them. My guess is yes. Thankfully I don’t have any creepy cat calendars. 

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No phone, just no.

No phone, I don't hear you ringing. I'm too busy jamming out to Celine Dion.

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Customer Service Provider of the Year

 "There are different sellers. You asking me about another organization's products is like asking Target what Walmart sells."

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Nothing to see...

Just buying a trip to Disney World. Totally working.

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From: Mom

"Hey since you don't seem to do a lot at work, would you mind researching trips for your dad & me? We'd like to eat at some nice restaurants in San Francisco." Sure thing, Chief.

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So today we had no water cooler water. IT WAS FUCKING MAYHEM And then at some point a sign shows up on it that says "WATER RESERVED FOR 6th FLOOR STAFF" Apparently others have been pilfering our water. That is coming to an end. MAYHEM

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Cheeeeeps

Fat/Stinky coworker, henceforth F/S, is eating chips. It’s not even 9am. I’m almost jealous of her reckless abandonment of healthful eating.

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Special Thank You

Big shout out to whoever decided to bring 829402713910 eggs for lunch. Everyone here in Cubeland appreciate the odors wafting about. They're totally not disgusting or vomit inducing.

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I need a drink and some dick!

Sassy Black Front Desk Lady at 8:09 am

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I'm covered in earwax and toe jam.

My fat, stinky coworker @

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Nickels & dimes

I got told today by a customer that I was "nickel and diming" him. Sir, if I had nickels or dimes I would not be working here.

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4/22: grumpy people day

I got yelled at by an old man for 11 minutes. He wouldn't even let me speak. Le sigh.

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The latest from Cube Monkey (@ACubedLife). I work in a cubicle next to some of the weirdest people in the world. I know you know what I'm talking about. Join me. Commiserate with me. Everywhere