Víli Googles

Will praying more often and leaving more offerings to @mahalgoogles help my beard grow in faster?

mahalgoogles

Possibly @kiligoogles possibly. Depends on what your offerings are

!!!!!!!!!!

How to give flower offerings underground that don’t die?

lindirgoogles

*gently nudges Kili* *whispers* Rivendell has some very beautiful flowers this time of year…

#you're still dating #taurielgoogles #aren't you son?#she wasn't as bad as I thought an Elf would be

why are Elves trying to get my son to visit them?

Why does everyone think that dwarves are born from rocks?

Who started the rumor that dwarves are born from rocks?

Is it because the first dwarves were born from rocks?

How to get @mahalgoogles to inform everyone that that was a one time thing.

how to tell boyfriend’s brother that no one is going to believe him until we see a pregnant dwarf lady

Do you want to talk to my mother about it? @disgoogles?

I’m sure she’d love to tell you ALLLL about her labor pains with me and Fili.

she certainly likes to bring it up to us whenever we’re being particularly ungrateful.

#it was a terrible time for both of us #disgoogles #kiligoogles

I can verify that Dwarven women do indeed get pregnant and moody and crave weird things

filigoogles

you know what’s amazing? that @smauggoogles is dissing our high school pictures when he looked like an obese cat someone found dead in the gutter

@filigoogles @kiligoogles talk all the trash you want but

I think I still win

filigoogles

@smauggoogles we look like respectable dwarves, not a dead cat somebody kicked into the gutter. And I’m actually sexy now, unlike you.

@filigoogles, which one is you? Left or right?

filigoogles

The more attractive one, of course

That would be… the one on the right.

So why is Kili blond? Was that his ‘bleach blond’ phase?

taurielgoogles

Hush! I think @kiligoogles looks darling!

I never said it was a bad look. It’s just a different look.

taurielgoogles

Let’s just be happy they didn’t go blue like @dwalingoogles

Ugh. So true.

#you looked beautiful of course #but very #very #different #dwalin on the other hand....

if you think my sons were bad you should have seen @disgoogles (though no one can compare to @dwalingoogles punk phase)

Is @sigridgoogles to be trusted? Are any of my children or grandchildren going to be with nice respectable dwarves?

Last time I checked, @viligoogles was a nice, respectable dwarf

You have obviously not read his poetry.

Google: poetry written by Vili the Dwarf

…Well, even the most respectable people have their flaws

Atleast he’s a great husband and father

Could be worse you know

I get it, my poetry is terrible

but your forgetting it’s just as bad as @kiligoogles and @thoringoogles poetry

That /one time/ you referred to was plenty.

#you're right though #it was truly terrible poetry #reblogs #Vili answers #thraingoogles

[mutters about rude in-laws]

Is @sigridgoogles to be trusted? Are any of my children or grandchildren going to be with nice respectable dwarves?

Last time I checked, @viligoogles was a nice, respectable dwarf

You have obviously not read his poetry.

Google: poetry written by Vili the Dwarf

…Well, even the most respectable people have their flaws

Atleast he’s a great husband and father

Could be worse you know

#kili's may be worse than mine #reblogs #Vili answers #cirdangoogles #thraingoogles #i only recited my poetry in front of you /one time/ father #one time

I get it, my poetry is terrible

but your forgetting it’s just as bad as @kiligoogles and @thoringoogles poetry

bilbogoogles

how to politely tell @kiligoogles that i’m too busy to help him with his poetry without getting looked at with puppy eyes

why does @kiligoogles have such convincing puppy eyes and where did he get them from

why doesn’t @filigoogles have them too

please?

cohobbitation

does víli have the puppy eyes

#used them on my sister all the time #very helpful #reblogs #Vili answers

I do have the puppy eyes

Kíli didn’t just get it form his mother

How to get your family to tell you about your father’s bad poetry so that you feel better about your own poetry and also get a good laugh out of it.

freringoogles

well @kiligoogles @filigoogles let me tell you about the time your father decided to try and get your mother’s attention by reciting poetry to an entire tavern (and he wasn’t even drunk when he stood up on the table and screamed it out like a baby goat!)

Eyes like obsidian, Hair like a ravens wing. Without you oblivion You are my everything.

and then a few days later he decided to read some more while dis was walking with thrain and thror - the looks on their faces lads, i’ll never forget it!

Strong as an ox, And lovely to boot, Clever as a fox Points that aren’t moot.

those are the two that i remember best, but there were some others before your mother got it through @viligoogles’s head that it wasn’t necessary

#i admit it's terrible though #reblogs #freringoogles #kiligoogles

you make it sound much worse than it actually was

why is @disgoogles so beautiful

Google, why must my parents flirt publicly?

this is nothing compared to your poetry son

Actually…

Adad, do you have any poetry advice?

disgoogles

actually @kiligoogles i think you’d be best finding poetry advise elsewhere. that skill may be genetic

freringoogles

seconded

how to rebury horrifying memories of your brother-in-law’s attempts at courting your sister

… I can’t deny it. my poetry was atrocious

my dancing on the other hand ;)

disgoogles

@viligoogles, please, children use the internet

#don't pretend you don't dear #disgoogles #Vili answers #reblogs

oh @disgoogles, you know you love my dancing

how to convince your wife that getting a pet dragon isn’t the best idea given our history with them

#bats that can carry kiligoogles are a bad idea as well

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING!?

that letting my son be carried away by a giant bat is bad parenting

I’m not THAT small. :(

I know how to defend myself.

#Vili answers #kiligoogles #i trust you son #but you're too much like your uncle sometimes

you’re more likely to be carried away by a bat than @filigoogles because you’d rush at it

though if he went after you, which is guaranteed to happen, then your mother and I would have two sons to find

How to convince your father that you have a much better plan to fight a dragon then @thoringoogles‘ plan.

disgoogles

and what, pray tell, is your plan @kiligoogles?

bardgoogles

Durins : big talk. Bowman : get stuff done

Excuse you, my plan was to fuck up the dragon’s eyes and then while I was doing that, have someone (probably @filigoogles) stab him in that big gaping hole over his heart.

bardgoogles

Yeah, but last time I checked you were half dead then fleeing on a boat while I went to actually shoot the dragon.

My point still stands.

Talk to me next time you get pierced by a morgul arrow and last a few days before passing out.

bardgoogles

Cranky, are we ?

Well, at least you got to swoon into a pretty elf’s arms. I would have looked ridiculous if I had done that with Thranduil.

Not particularly, no? I was just trying to point out how maybe @filigoogles and I shouldn’t be included in that snide dig at our family line when we were left behind and I was busy DYING (from the poison in an arrow that would drop a man in much less time then it did me, mind) and unable to fight anyone, let alone a dragon, and my brother chose to stay behind with me because he loves and cares about me (and is the greatest big brother ever but let’s not get into that. Or we could. either way.)

And I dunno about “swoon”, faint or pass out maybe.

#reblogs #Vili answers #kiligoogles #filigoogles #daingoogles

it could possibly work. . . .

though you might want more than just you and @filigoogles

maybe @daingoogles would lend an army?

is Gandalf mocking dragons with the stupid dragon-shaped fireworks that he makes

does Middle Earth general population really think that’s what dragons look like

does @smauggoogles really not realize that that is exactly what dragons look like?

does @kiligoogles also think that we look like the stupid kite I burned up while attacking Dale

has @smauggoogles ever looked in a mirror?

how to break it to @kiligoogles that most people don’t spend nearly as much time staring at themselves in a mirror as he does

How to break it to @smauggoogles that that’s how I have such a beautiful girlfriend.

How to break it to @smauggoogles that he’s going to die sad and alone while I will not.

but what if you died right now?~

you do an awful lot of talk, don’t you? Specially for such a pathetic whiner. You threaten to eat pretty much anyone but is there actually any threat behind your words?

@kiligoogles is there?… why not decide for yourself? after all….

…..haven’t you been wondering why you haven’t seen your brother around lately?~