sav

Admire art , write poetry , climb mountains + love endlessly |mom ~ small business owner|

[tjagbo]

[vir-gogh]

I’m so in love with 𝒽𝒾𝓂 ⚡️

[vir-gogh]

Father of my child , love of my life , muse of the art in my mind , the stars burn for you as brightly as I do ✨☁️

[vir-gogh]

I’m so in love with 𝒽𝒾𝓂 ⚡️

[quotefeeling]

“I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I did not know what love was until I knew what love was not.”

— Unknown

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Marie Howe, Magdalene: “Walking Home”

[abovearth]

[everythinginlifeisalie]

[vir-gogh]

Trauma is weird…

The childhood trauma. You were a child, you didn’t deserve it.

The trauma of that first grandparent dying. They were called home, they are at peace.

The weight of when your highschool boyfriend didn’t make it on that drive home. He wasn’t “the one” but he made you laugh and he deserved a future, but you’ll always visit his grave and leave flowers.

The trauma of losing your dad. The world felt empty when he left, like a hole had been ripped into the stratosphere and the oxygen was leaving the earth, taking you with it.

The accident. The fleeting missing memories of metal on metal and hospital rooms and the smell of alcohol.

The feelings that stormed when you learned to walk again. I didn’t deserve my accident but somehow I didn’t deserve to recover.

Opening old wounds to find love again. Letting someone back in that had taken my heart with them years before. Was hard to say the least.

Becoming a mother and being terrified of doing it after all that loss and heart storm. How to be a mother when one was never given to me ? You just start , and take it one day at a time.

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My heart lives outside my chest tell me how am I ever supposed to sleep again

[vir-gogh]

They can’t prepare you for that first late night, in a quiet house

When the baby and husband are settled and sleeping

The dogs have found their spot on the couch for the night and there’s nothing but the stillness keeping your mama heart company

As you check the doors one last time

Prep the bottles for overnight feedings

Sneak into the corner spot on the couch to breath and sit in the dark

You hold that monitor screen in your hands and feel your eyes start to sting in the glow of the tiny sleeping face you’ve grown to know and love so well in just a few short weeks

And then it happens

Your heart lets go of all the emotions you kept in through another day

And the waves of every emotion you have ever felt come pouring out of you the rage and grief and joy crash and burn

And collide in your chest and the laughter and screaming is surely going to shake the windows

The fire that burns a mothers heart is one of ice and flowers

Frostbite in spring , it’s beautiful and doesn’t damage in its wake

Only leaves the dewdrops in the morning to show it had once held fast

It’s a privilege to carry the burden of such great love even when the weight of it feels like the dead weight of water on a dam

And just when you’re sure you might burst and the neighbors would surely have called for help by now

The world comes into focus again and you wipe the quiet tears off your face with a smile of desperate understanding for the girl inside your heart

And all the girls you know that have brought life earth side , and the battles that come with it and the nights they’ve spent like these they never saw coming

And you know they didn’t see it coming

Because

They can’t prepare you for that first late night, in a quiet house.

[landsccape]

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Becoming a mother is the most terrifying and exciting experience.

Only 10 more weeks 🥹🤍✨🌙

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Growing a tiny little human, I have never felt more in tune with the world around me, my love, myself. It’s a higher level Of existence for 9 months. 🥹

[lunchboxpoems]

AIMEE WAI

[consecuences]

[myhiddenquerencia]

"I hate you the most. But I also want to thank you, because if it weren't for you, for your mere existence, I wouldn't be who I am today, nor would I be a poet. I thank you for that. But for now, I will continue to fool myself and lie, saying that I hate you."

[vir-gogh]