please be my friend, I'm so lonely @virgilantejustice - Tumblr Blog

Not to be dramatic, but sometimes I feel like everyone in the world periodically has all of their insides removed, washed out with clean water, then replaced. But mine, mine are clawed out, rinsed with polluted river water, then misplaced

virgilantejustice

My mother sometimes chews with ember mouth open and it genuinely makes me resent her.

It's so disgusting!! There is no redeeming factor!! I appreciate that we as a society are getting more accepting if different people, bit people who open their mouths while there is food inside should always be ostracized

virgilantejustice

Likewise, people who cough into their hands and people who litter should be shot on sight.

virgilantejustice

Oh yeah! Let's be careful to contain our cough so the germs don't spray everywhere! I know! I'll catch them in my hands that I use to touch things, what a good idea!!

virgilantejustice

My mother sometimes chews with ember mouth open and it genuinely makes me resent her.

It's so disgusting!! There is no redeeming factor!! I appreciate that we as a society are getting more accepting if different people, bit people who open their mouths while there is food inside should always be ostracized

virgilantejustice

Likewise, people who cough into their hands and people who litter should be shot on sight.

My mother sometimes chews with ember mouth open and it genuinely makes me resent her.

It's so disgusting!! There is no redeeming factor!! I appreciate that we as a society are getting more accepting if different people, bit people who open their mouths while there is food inside should always be ostracized

I don't want to die, exactly, I just to give up. I just want to lie in bed and quit my job and swear at my parents whenever they try and talk to me and never make anything or write anything or do anything ever again. I want to get fat and slow in my bed, and it wont matter because no one will ever see me. I want to push everyone away so hard they start pushing back. I want to never have to try at anything, never fail anything, and never succeed anything ever again. I want to never take my insulin ever again, never check my blood sugar, never drink a glass of water or some emergency fruit juice. I want to never eat, never contemplate eating, never have to look at food. I want to never watch another film or read another book. I want to do all of this until I stop breathing and rot away. I want to quit.

Why cant I have the kind of depression that makes you forget to eat and get all skinny?! Why am I stuck with the kind that means you only ever feel joy from chocolate!!!!

When you've more or less recovered from your eating disorder from medical mistreatment, but now you have to deal with your depression eating disorder

My manager is a wanker, and here is why:

He is 21 years old and I had to actually persuade him that there are in fact sexualities other than gay and straight

He misgenders every trans person in any anecdote

When I told him my friend goes by they/them he said "oh fuck off" and argued that that js only plural, and when I actually showed him why he was wrong he shush me and told me to stop being unprofessional

He knows I have ocd and a hand washing compulsion but he still asks for high 5s multile times a day and gets offended when I don't comply

I was finally put at the front of the store (which is about 4 by 4m, kts a warehouse store) doing the stupid fucking greeting bullshit, and as well as telling me basically to be super overbearing and suffocating to the customer, he decided to critisezs the way I stand, smile and speak. He said I sounded too aggressive when greeting customers, wasn't smiling enough (there was literally no one in the store when he said this) and that I had to stabd with my hands clapsed behind my back. I told him (after a fucking hour and a half of standing like this) that if I didnt stand with the weight of my ha ds off my shoulders (in pickets, holding jacket, holding bag, holding anything) it really hurt my back so after he was like 'why don't you just do back excersises?' he suggested I 'rest them on your belly'

At first he reminded me of my brother, but my brother isn't an absolute fucking bastard

i ndjd

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Voting ended onMar 7, 2023

Honestly my family is this fucking close to organising another funeral

virgilantejustice

It has taken me literally fucking weeks to find an outfit appropriate for my grabdmothrs funeral. Honestly, I'm basically a Goth, all my clothes are long and black but apparently mone of it is right? Here are some of the rules:

No lace

No cotton

No beading

Legs covered to mid calf, but not to the ankles

No circle skirts

Tops should be fitted but not skin tight

Arms covered at least to the elbows

A little white is more permissable than grey

Hair up

For shoes: no buckles, zips, preferably no laces, preferably no wedge heels, no semblance of a platform, and not above the ankles

Black tights in all weathers

virgilantejustice

Honestly, she's already dead!! This feels like way too much of a fucking hassle for a dead person

It has taken me literally fucking weeks to find an outfit appropriate for my grabdmothrs funeral. Honestly, I'm basically a Goth, all my clothes are long and black but apparently mone of it is right? Here are some of the rules:

No lace

No cotton

No beading

Legs covered to mid calf, but not to the ankles

No circle skirts

Tops should be fitted but not skin tight

Arms covered at least to the elbows

A little white is more permissable than grey

Hair up

For shoes: no buckles, zips, preferably no laces, preferably no wedge heels, no semblance of a platform, and not above the ankles

Black tights in all weathers

virgilantejustice

My grandmother just died.

Earlier the phone rang during dinner and my dad went to answer it and came back about 10 minutes later, sat down and started sobbing. He collapsed into mums arms and I curled up to his arm. I couldn't look at him. The only other time I've seen him cry was years ago when my great grandmother died.

It was also difficult to look at him because I know that will be me some day, when they die, and I don't want to think about that.

Mum suggested he go and stay with grandad for a bit and I don't think dad wanted to, he kept saying that he didn't think grandad would want to be bombarded and he has his neighbour with him at the moment, but he called and grandad said he wanted him to come so mum drove him (he put up a fight but she insisted, smart woman).

This is the first time anyone close to me has died, so it's pretty difficult. You never think it's the last time you say goodbye to someone.

My relationship with granny has been improving so much as I got older and I just wish I had a few more years, maybe I would have come out to her by then, or shown her what I actually wear, or told her about the earplugs, maybe I didn't give her enough credit.

I just remember going to stay at their house for the first time after my diagnosis and he took me into the kitchen and told me where everything was (everything because she didn't know what a good hypo treatment was) and I told her that I'd brought everything I needed so don't worry and she was like "oh you didn't need to bring it all. Well, if you do need anything then just take it, I'll be very upset if I find out you didn't take what you needed". I love that.

I feel like I'm not sad enough. I mean I'm definitely sad right now, and I cried a bit when he first told us, but shouldn't I be sadder? I just said how much I loved her and all the reasons this is devastating, but I'm not as sad as I should be. I don't know. I wonder how my uncle is feeling, there was always a bit of tension there.

I miss you already, Granny. I'll take care of your boy for you.

virgilantejustice

I can literally only think of this gif. Is that disrespectful?