lighten up

[visineupsidedown]

think i’ve said a few times on here that I was going to start writing more. these moments of inspiration slip away quickly. or maybe are pushed away intentionally so i don’t have to actually do something challenging. tryna do something different tho. tryna do something real. i want to be different. can’t be different if you’re doing the same shit as everybody else. so maybe it’s really time. trying to be more self-disciplined, mentally tough. i’ve been lazy. thought i was too cool to put in the work. it’s time to create a new standard of expectations for myself. gotta be different.

[visineupsidedown]

ash tray by me that i gotta dump my guts in

[visineupsidedown]

and often i only see what is in front of me. what i perceive is all that i know. but there is a difference between what is and what i think there is. what i perceive there is. is there a reality beyond my own? sometimes i’m not sure. sometimes i am engulfed by my thoughts, consumed by imaginary obligations and impulsive feelings. i get high to quiet the noise. but it’d probably be better to hear it out. to face what weighs me down. knees are gettin weak. just stress tho. caught up. tryna vandalize some shit.

[visineupsidedown]

i never think of the future. it comes soon enough.

einstein

[visineupsidedown]

i think it really is all about the journey. feels like it has to be. life cannot be defined, only added to. no words will ever do it justice, no philosophy will ever encompass the vastness. by the time i have seen every inch of this earth it will have changed completely under my feet. i just want to take it in, as much as i can. there is no end game. just chasing forever.

anyone who acts like they have all the answers should not be trusted. 

[visineupsidedown]

i hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.

kerouac

[visineupsidedown]

the sun sets but the days do not end. there is only continuity. you hold your breath but i still hear your heart pounding. the waves will always roll. the tide will always fall. no matter how fast i hold, the road will always call. 

[visineupsidedown]

final product. first mural by celex. it’s too bad i don’t enjoy working hard on shit that society cares about. luckily society don’t phase me. finished this a while ago. haven’t been on here in a sec, tryna get back to writing though. tryna do something besides getting high. maybe i’ll get this shit tattooed in a few years. moved out the apt the next day. traveling light. i stay hush, let my tallies add up, then i’m dipping.

[visineupsidedown]

boutta paint this shit on a fuckin wall yo

[visineupsidedown]

skated to the beach. but then she texted me. she wasn’t drunk this time, but told me that she’s been missing me lately. tryna stay present. freedom ain’t free

[visineupsidedown]

the second date turned into the third. same with the fourth into the fifth. ended up seeing her eight out of nine days in a row a week after meeting her. even bought fucking skateboards together. always been a wannabe skater but it was all her idea. she said she likes that she never sees me on my phone. it’s just real easy. i been feelin free

[visineupsidedown]

been hung up for a while now. it’s not her fault, i’ve been trapped inside my own head. i spilled my guts to her last time we were both home. guilt and expectations and anxiety. i’ve been hiding from some stuff thinking i was protecting her. but she tried to take the weight off. she washed my hands. sometimes it’s easy to forget that she’s on the same journey. i’m still scared to pick up when she calls late at night tho. those sober thoughts have lingered, shit cuts deep. but we’ve both grown up a lot. and if i don’t take her word for it now imma just keep runnin in circles.

[visineupsidedown]

met a girl tho. she’s from texas, just graduated. we got beers at the bar and didn’t stop talking. don’t think i looked away once in two hours. told her i had a joint in my pocket in case of emergency, and couple more hours disappeared on the park bench as her big green eyes turned red and i forgot about everything except her lips. she was kinda quiet at first like me, prefers to smoke from a bong, laughed at all my jokes, said she liked my nose and that she really liked kissing me. and she didn’t let me come inside when i walked her home at 2am. i let her know it was one of the better first dates of recorded history the next day. she said she completely agreed. felt good.

[visineupsidedown]

we on the same trip we just got different baggage

[visineupsidedown]

it’s real easy to fall back and just start going thru the motions again. school and work are just kinda whack, gotta get back in school mode, but school mode blows. I’ve just been walking around a lot, the energy of a new city is still sinking in. I like it a lot. but it’s more than just the place. was planning to lay off the bud this week, but instead left work early and bought a pen. I’ll get there.

[visineupsidedown]

finna paint a mural. little project for the semester to keep me sane, and maybe I can make something pretty cool out of it. I’d be pretty stoked if it comes out clean. I’d be really stoked if it comes out filthy. clean slate. after i scrape all this moss and shit off. updates to follow

[visineupsidedown]

opened up the book and the first sentence I read was talkin bout russian hill, approximately 15 mins from my apartment. sal paradise out here wandering. gotta trust the process, nowhere to be but here. stop watching people do shit thru a screen. don’t be a sheep. was just talkin about this with someone, there needs to be separate singular and plural versions of sheep, how you gonna use it for both, sounds whack. the herd is whack. but they’re people too, I’m almost sure of it.