sypnosis: "i hope i never see what your face looks like going. a face, i swear, that i could spend my whole life knowing"
warning: not proofread, lowercase writing.
note: i hope you like this totally fluffy sweet oneshot. is it obvious i'm currently back in my slytherin boys era? if this does well, i'll post my other wip. :) leave a comment if you want more of these. love, ๐ฃฒhydrangea.แ
draco malfoy, without fail, steals your blanket every single night.
it wasn't intentionalโat least, he says. In his sleep, he somehow manages to wrap himself into a burrito, leaving you shivering beside him for the rest of the night.
groaning, you nudged him through his burrito of a thick weighted blanket. "you did it again." no answer. you sneer, he probably didn't hear you from the privilege of hogging the entire thing.
"draco!" you whisper-yelled, poking again. this time, your boyfriend groans. one eye opens, looking at the thick layers of fabric on top of him. "i don't know what you're talking about." he said huskily, closing his eyes again and comfortably snuggling into his pillow.
"you literally have all of it, you hog." he groans, shushing you. clearly, it wasn't working. so you thought of something better. smiling to yourself, you wormed your way under the blanket, collapsing across his chest instead. laughing against his chest, his hand instinctively finding it's way to the curve of your back. "there." you murmured, "problem solved."
"you planned this all along, didn't you?" you accused after a moment of silence, and all you got was a smirk and a kiss to your forehead.
-
"you should get that." you barely looked up from your tea when you spoke, leaning against the kitchen counter as you heard the doorbell. "you should." draco said in agreeable tone from the dining table, reading over his reports from work.
you glare, "i asked first."
he takes one look at you, huffs, and then stands up to walk over to the door. grinning victoriously, you smiled into your tea as you watched him walk out the door.
draco's face turns into an awkward grimace as he turns the knob. "don't watch me leave, it's awkward." he said, picking up the daily prophet and a package from his mother. laughing, you threw your head back in amusement while he walked over to the counter where you stood. draco hands you the daily prophet, and grabs a cutter to open the package.
"merlinโฆ are these my jumpers from fifth year?" he sighs, chuckling as his hands rested on his hips. you peek, shrieking in delight as you see it. you took the jumpers out and brought it to your face, feeling the material. "they don't even fit me anymore. you know, 'cause of these big muscles." he smirks, a smug look in his eyes as he flexed his arms.
rolling your eyes, you chuck the jumper at his face. "your ego is still astounding until today." draco lets out a huff of laughter, shaking his head. "you love me."
"this is adorable, so tiny." you grin, holding it up. "our kids will probably wear this, someday."
draco scoffs, taking a bite out of your scone. "as if, my kids won't wear hand-me-downs." and to that you roll your eyes.
"our kids," you corrected, "will definitely wear hand-me-downs. our daughter will love my collection of pearls and dresses." you smiled, and draco laughs.
"right, our kids."
-
the lights were dim, the rain was once again pouring and the two of you were huddled together in bed. your legs were tangled, desperate for warmth. the two of you coexisted in the silence, reading a book while draco reads articles from the ministry of magic.
he was reading the ministry's section of the whereabouts of death eaters in the battle four years ago. it still kept him awake at night. wondering. worried. afraid. he knew his mother was in hiding. his father in azkaban.
you notice the absent look on his face. you grab the article and quickly hide it in one of the drawers of your bedside table. "nothing's going to happen, honey. it's been two years." you spoke gently, caressing his arm.
draco swallows his words, nodding. he leans into your touch, relaxing minute by minute. "i'm just scared. i don't want to lose this. to lose you."
you smile, looking at him as if that was absurd. "that's never happening. it's you and me forever." draco chuckles quietly, shaking his head with a smile on his face.
"forever isn't real, darling." he says, and you roll your eyes booing him. "do you have no whimsy?" you groan. he chuckles, his hands snaking their way up to your waist and started torturing tickling you. in a fit of laughter, you tried to push him off.
"i was joking, you silly girl." he grins, continuing his attack. in broken gasps, you managed to get his hands off. you sighed, rolling your eyes.
"you sure you want forever with me?" he jokes, and you elbow his side.
with a fake frown, you nod. "i could get used to this face forever, even if he tortures me."
-
the storm only grew louder. hugging your arms to yourself, the familiar green and grey sweater from hogwarts cling to your skin. the house was cold. empty. silent. you opened the cabinet over the stove, grabbing two mugs. the box on the counter was almost full, your hands suddenly felt clammy as you placed them in along with the other things.
wiping your hands against your pants, you moved around aimlessly, your life packed into average boxes. your feet padded into the bedroom, the walls felt tight and the bedโฆ
the blanket still laid messy in the middle, unfolded. it still smells exactly like him.
the door was mocking you. the mugs were taunting.
nothing could have warned you for that day. nothing.
"i have to go." he said hastily, already heading towards the door. you almost choke. "what?" you asked, blinking. the words felt heavy, it made you uneasy. it made you want to throw up.
"leave. i-i have to leave, y/n" he didn't meet your eyes. he couldn't. "there areโฆ there are people looking for my father. if i stayโฆ"
"noโฆ no, draco. we can figure something out!" frantic, you walked closer to him in hopes to make him stay. he shook his head. "i'm sorry. there's nothing we can do."
you choked on your tears as you watched him turn the knob, he smiles sadly and finally looks at you. "don't watch me leave." he said, his voice was small and trembling.
the tears dropped before you knew it, you tried to smile and shake your head. "i won't." but you did.
falling to the ground, you hug your knees to your chest. his jumper reminded you of easier times. when the two of you were only teenagers, not a care in the world. a million promises, baby names you'll never get to use, a face that once promised forever.
attention came naturally to lorenzo berkshire. the entire school is drawn to his optimism, his confidence, and the way he manages to make friends with anybody. originally, you thought that maybe it was too good to be true. until you saw him in his element: music and quidditch.
he was passionate. and he was very talented
the first time you saw it was at a quidditch game. lorenzo soars into the air, a huge grin on his face as he shoots the quaffle into the goal the tweny-fourth time since this game started. he played like someone who loved the game more than he loved to win. each swerve and dive was reckless, the type only he could have the confidence to do. some girls behind you swoon as lorenzo effortlessly passes the quaffle to theodore, swiftly dodging the gryffindor's bludger.
you were in awe. you barely even understood who won, you assumed it was slytherin by the way the gryffindors next to you looked. staring at him, hyperfocused, you noticed the way he settles onto the grounds. he smiles, giving high fives to the younger years in their team. his warmth was contagious
the next time you witnessed lorenzo Berkshire in his element was at a party in the slytherin common rooms, one where pansy parkinson had to convince you to come. parties are not exactly your scene, telling her "i'd rather be in bed, pans." but pansy always finds a way. and you're grateful she did.
because by the time you joined the party, lorenzo is on the makeshift stage in the middle of the room with three other people. his electric guitar resting on the top of his hip, attached around his body with a thick strap. toying with the strings of the guitar, his face focused with his teeth chewing on his lower lip. you barely even payed attention to the rest of the band.
lorenzo never stood in the center of the room, yet he drew the attention effortlessly. his fingers moves with ease that made it look seamless. his head is dipped whenever he smiled to himself, the tune of his guitar supporting the lead guitar's solo. the way his curls fall into his face, shaking them away without missing a beat. he looks up, smiling widely at the crowd of slytherin, ravenclaw, and hufflepuff students dancing and jumping to the beat.
lorenzo grins, laughing when mattheo, theodore, and blaise cheer him on from the other corner of the room. the sound is bright enough to slip through the music, it was impossible to look away and you were falling before you know it.
my blue ๐โ.ห
the last few days of fall was your favorite part of the year. before the school gets covered in a blanket of snow, you took every chance you got to study or read by the black lake. what you were unaware of, was that lorenzo had started to take notice of you, too.
he flies forward on his quidditch broom, his hair slick with sweat as he completes his quidditch drills with the rest of the group. lorenzo looks around, taking a breather mid-air, when he sees her. he sees her from a far, scarf all the way up to her cheeks as she flips through a book he couldn't decipher from above. lorenzo's interest is piqued, the rest of the practice he couldn't help but focus on you in his peripheral vision.
since that day, he noticed you in that position every practice. lorenzo berkshire was charming. the attention came with a reputation, and talking to you was what stumped him. it took him a total of three weeks and four days before he could muster up the courage to talk to you.
"hey! y/n, right?" he asks, catching up to you on your way to class, a bashful smile on his face. "i see you from practice sometimes, studying by the black lake."
you looked at him, stunned. you had barely registered the fact he was talking to you because, well, he was talking to you. "hello, yes... do you need something?" you spoke, confused. why was he talking to you? you two were like on different sides of the same universe.
he smiles wider, even, you were so sure yoh were making a fool of yourself. "i've been meaning to introduce myself. and say hello." he adds, letting out a small huff of laughter.
you barely even realized you were returning a smile back. "everyone knows who you are, lorenzo." you said and his neck turns red. he shook his head and smiles. "i.. guess you're right. but i still wanted to introduce myself... and maybe get to know you?"
you could've sworn you were dreaming.
๐ฃฒpurple
you couldn't tell when it happened. or how it happened. you and lorenzo fell in love with no warnings. he had been promoted to captain of his team two years later, on your last year at hogwarts. dating him was simple. easy. it felt almost like breathing.
dating him was sitting on the stands during quidditch practice, waiting for him to finish practice, just to walk together to your dorm. it meant sitting through every rehearsal, trying your best to study with music in the room.
"i have to study, baby." you pouted softly at his attempt to pursuade you to stay the night at his dorm. his hands resting on your hips, yours around his neck. he groans, dramatically, and shakes his head.
"then let me come with you." he pleads. "i missed you."
"i missed you too, but i can't focus with you in the room." you chuckle softly, shaking your head. "we'll see each other tomorrow." and lorenzo scoffs at that, hating that he'd have to wait twelve more hours to see you.
it happened before you even knew. the quidditch pitch became a regular for you, you don't remember when it started, but it quickly became a part of your weekends. they were loud, crowded, and incredibly chaotic. but lorenzo played amazingly. and he loved how you waited for him after the game. the afternoons you've spent with his band's rehearsals, watching him play and waiting for him to finish up. the lines blurred into a circle.
you don't remember the last time you went to the black lake alone, two spots instead of one occupied the willow tree nearest to the edge of the lake. the library table by the south entrance you love for its quietness became a table for two, you saved a seat for him even without realizing it.
his world became yours, and yours became his.
lorenzo smiles, his arms snaking around your waist from behind as he settles his head on your shoulder. you could feel his breath on your neck when he asks, "how's my girl?"
it was two in the morning after one of his rehearsals, you smiled tiredly, shaking your head. "sleepy."
grinning, he peppered kisses on your neck gently, squeezing you. "m'sorry practice ran late." you hum, nodding.
"i liked the book you recommended me. it's very you." he hums into your ear quietly.
"hm? when?"
"the other night."
you smiled, surprised he even found the time. for something you enjoyed.
your lives intertwined, finding each other again and again, until two lines stopped looking so separate.
Summary: When the tarot cards tell you youโre going to fall in love, sometimes itโs best to just listen to them
word count: 6k
ยฉobsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted, translated, or copied in any way or form. I do not consent to any of my content being fed to ai bots or programs of any kind.
Divination was stupid. Theo knew it. Enzo knew it. But unfortunately for the two of them, Daphne Greengrass did not. She was quite the believer in factโspending hours charting stars to gauge compatibility, gazing into her crystal ball, and practicing her palm reading. A load of bollocks and a complete waste of time in Theo's opinion, but, he wasn't a monster and so he humored his friend, content in blocking out Professor Trelawney's incessant babbling for an hour at the start of his day.
Theo was just admiring how particularly gray the walls of the castle were looking this fine morning when a sharp elbow to the ribs pulls his attention back to the old bat's class. Theo shoots a glare Enzo's way as he rubs his wounded ribcage pointedly. To only further his agitation, Theo notices that Trelawney is now stood directly in front of him extending a deck of tarot cards to him as she blinks her wide owlish eyes at him expectantly.
With a deep sigh and a rather dramatic eye roll, Theo plucks a card from the deck and hands it back to the witch without even bothering to glance at it. Trelawney doesn't seem to mind much though as she inhales sharply, a grin that seemed much too wide for her face forming as she flips the card back to Theo.
"Yes, yes. Just as I predicted dear boy. Just as I predicted. The Two of Cups!" She announces proudly, brandishing the card out towards the class.
Daphne squeals.
"Oh Teddyโ"
"Don't call me that."
Daphne ignores him.
"How exciting. How romantic," she continues, clearly far more interested in the pull than Theo was.
She pulls out a script of parchment, finger tracing down the lines of notes until she finds what she's searching for. Then she shoves the parchment under Theo's nose.
"Look there. The Two of Cupsโsignifies mutual attraction and deep connections. A representation of kindred spirits in the early stages of falling in love. That's so romantic," she gushes, continuing on in her notes.
Enzo snorts doing a horrible job trying to stifle his laughter. Theo glowers, not even wanting to deign such a ridiculous concept with a response. This was ludicrous. The whole thing. Theo had been attending Hogwarts for well long enough to know that there was not a single present student in the school that he would even dignify having a romantic relationship with. He can't help but shake his head and scoff at the mere idea.
"Oh lighten up Teddy, heaven forbid you let Daphne have this," Enzo snickers, clearly enjoying the discomfort the whole thing brought Theo.
It was easy for him to say. It wasn't his love life being carefully dissected by their mystic enthused friend.
Being the new student at any new school was always going to be nerve wracking. But being the new student at a new school in a whole new country was significantly worse in every aspect. Whispers float down the corridors, your name echoing off the high ceilings of the castle, and eyes flicker towards the ground as you pass as if they hadn't just been staring shamelessly the moment prior. Normally the stares wouldn't bother you much, but the constant hushed voices were beginning to be unnerving. Your lips tighten as you move swiftly through the halls and you can't help but feel a bit self conscious as you smooth out your unfamiliar, deep blue robes.
You weren't exactly enthusiastic about your new school to begin with. It was differentโof course it would beโbut no matter how much you had prepared yourself for all the changes, it just hadn't been enough. Like really, they let a ratty, oldโalbeit sentientโhat determine house placements? You hadn't wanted that thing anywhere near your head, but it just couldn't be helped. Then, once you had been placed into your house, you come to find that yours is the only one in the entire school that requires you to solve a freaking riddle just to get into your damn room. Asinine. And to top it all off, the wretched school was literally impossible to navigate because the staircases, apparently, were also sentient and did whatever the hell they wanted.
All that to say, when you finally collapse into a seat in the back of, what you hoped was the History of Magic classroom, you were more than a little miffed. With an agitated huff, you try to stay invisible as more students begin to file into the classroom, taking their seats closer to the front. As seats fill, the extra buffer of breathing room melts a bit of the tension in your shoulders. When your professorโa ghost you notice drylyโbegins to write on the chalk board, you finally feel yourself start to relax, pulling out a roll of parchment from your bag and carefully copying down each line.
Just as you're about to finishโThe Gargoyle Strike of 1911โthe classroom door swings open once more and a boy with brown hair and dark, calculating eyes saunters in. You're content with giving him a quick, uninterested glance before getting back to your notes, but unfortunately for you, the boy is rapidly approaching. His bag hits the floor next to you with a dull thread and you feel your lips turn downward into a frown as you look up at the boy once more in annoyance.
You watch as the boy's mouth opens as if to say something, but then his eyes meet yours and you watch him freeze, mouth agape for a moment then two. Just as it's becoming a bit uncomfortable, he seems to awaken from his trance looking shaken, brows furrowing as if he were wondering why on Earth he was just standing there like a fool. Still though, he tilts his head awkwardlyโchin gesturing towards the rest of the classโand for the first time you notice that every other seat in the room seems to be occupied. With a sigh of defeat, you wordlessly turn back to the board, preparing to scramble to write down whatever you'd missed just now, content with simply ignoring this boy's existence for the the rest of class.
"A 'wildcat strike' refers to a stopping of work by unionized workers without authorization from the union. In 1911 the wildcats were winning, meaning things were moving in favor of the gargoylesโ"
Good god this was horrible. You weren't even ten minutes into your first day of this new class and you already wanted to throw yourself off the top of Ravenclaw tower. It seemed as though many of the other students in class felt similarly as one of the boys sitting a few rows in front of you lets out a concernedly loud snore. You have to choke down a snicker as your eyes flicker up to the ghost at the front of the room, but he doesn't seem to notice. Or if he does, he doesn't care.
"That's Finnigan. There's a running bet on how long it'll take him to fall asleep after Binns starts monologuing," the boy next to you murmurs, a smirk tugging at his lips.
You turn to look at the boy, surprised to hear him speak after all, and for the first time take a good look. Shit. He was hot. You don't really get the chance to dwell too much on it though because he speaks again.
"That one next to him is Thomas. Any second now he'll start piling things on top of 'em. See how high the stack gets before it falls over or Finnigan wakes up. Whichever comes first."
As if on queue, the boy next to the snoring kid carefully places a thick text book on his friend's back. Then another. It's like you can't look away as you watch on in morbid fascination.
"They friends of yours?" you find yourself asking as the boy, Thomas, adds an ink well to his tower.
Your desk partner snorts.
"Hardly. Lions and snakes don't exactly get along," he says smoothly.
You have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but you don't want to ask. Instead you continue to watch as a bag of Bertie Bott's jelly beans, three quills, a sweater, and someone's pet frog is added to the pile. A potted plant is about to be placed on top when a sneeze sends the whole thing crashing to the floor. Professor Binns doesn't even blink as he just continues on. Finnigan's head shoots up as he takes in his surroundings once more, shoulders slumping when he apparently realizes where he is. Understandable.
The rest of class is an absolute drag as you flit in and out of different thoughts and daydreams. Anywhere was better than here, listening to this ghost drown on. If he were any less interesting, you're sure the entire class would die of sheer boredom and be cursed to haunt this very classroom with the old professor. Doomed to be subjected to the very thing that killed you all in the first place for all eternity.
After what you're certain is the longest hour of your life, class finally ends, but to your dismay, you realize that halfway through class you'd simply given up on taking notes. Dammit. As though reading your mind, the boy next to you slides his parchment towards you. His notes are impeccable. Perfectly neat rows in dark ink with not a smudge in sight.
"I can get them back tomorrow," he says simply, before returning the rest of his materials into his bag.
You open your mouth to thank the boy, but before you even get the chance he's gone in a swoosh of emerald green and black.
The whole thing leaves you a bit stunned. It was the first real interaction you'd had with, really anyone at your new school and you couldn't tell if you'd completely blown it or not. He'd seemed decent enough, whoever he was. And that's when it occurs to you. You hadn't even bothered to ask the boy's name.
"Mmm. What was their name again?" Theo asks, trying to appear nonchalant as he inserts himself into Enzo and Daphne's conversation.
The three of them occupied their usual spots inside the Slytherin common room, the soft glow of green flames painting their faces as their voices mix in with the other echoes of the dungeon. Enzo eyes Theo suspiciously, noting thatโdespite the unbothered front he put onโTheo's fingers couldn't seem to stop tapping anxiously against his knee. See, usually when Enzo and Daphne were participating in their daily debrief, Theo was staring off into the abyss, pointedly ignoring them. So it didn't take an intuitive genius to pick up on the sudden spike of interest he was showing.
"Y/n. They're from America," Daphne says helpfully, seemingly oblivious to the way that Enzo was trying to dissect their friend's inner most thoughts.
"Why all the interest? They catch your eye? Are you two already falling into the early stages of love?" He taunts when he isn't able to get a proper read on his friend.
Theo's heart stops beating in his chest for half a moment before he juts out his chin defiantly.
"All anyone will talk about. Just curious to know who all the fuss is about," he retorts, forcing his voice to remain steady as he continues to stare ahead, avoiding the curious glances of his friends.
He can tell Enzo doesn't quite buy it, but that simply isn't his problem to worry about at the moment.
So they were from America. Huh.
Truthfully, Theo didn't know much about America. Hadn't ever really cared to find anything out. He was familiar with Ilvermorny of course. Which was presumably your former school, but that was pretty much the extent of it. Maybe he'd ask you about it tomorrow.
Assuming he didn't freeze up again at the mere sight of you. Salazar's ball sack that had been bloody embarrassing. Theo couldn't think of a single other time he'd ever frozen up like that, brief as it had been. Usually Theo liked to consider himself to be quite suave. Charming even, if he did say so himself. And he did. It was completely unlike him to be rendered speechless. Especially not by the mere presence of someone with a pretty face.
But it simply hadn't been his fault. How was he supposed to expect that some great, higher power was going to reach deep into his inner most thoughts and desiresโpull together every single physical trait that Theo could possibly fantasize aboutโand combine them all into one single heavenly creature, and then plop them down right next to him in History of Magic of all classes.
Fate was cruel.
And speaking of fate, there was also all that nonsense from Divination that morning to think about. Theo leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. Surely the fact that batty, old Trelawney had predicted that he would fall in love was a complete coincidence in relation to him practically being prepared to propose to the new student in History of Magic a mere few hours later. How could it be anything else? Divination wasn't real. The whole class had been so close to being completely scrapped so many times that you either had to be a fool, or Daphne to believe in it.
Okay, so maybe Theodore was starting to believe it. A little. But what was he supposed to think as he watches you drag your feet through the door scowling? He feels his chest tighten as the two of you make eye contact and he watches as you make your way over to him.
"This seat taken?" you ask, already dropping your bag to the floor. "Didn't take you as one to be into this kinda stuff," you say conversationally as you pull parchment and a quill from your bag.
Theo scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"I'm not," he assures, "But Daph is," he adds, head tilting as he gestures to his friend.
He watches as your eyes dart over to the pretty blonde sitting happily between him and Enzo, assessing.
"Oh. Are you two?" The question lingers on your lips and Theo is quick to shake his head no.
Salazar he was being stupid. Of course you would assumeโWhy was he being like this?
"Nah. No. Daph's an old friend. Enz and I are just here for moral support. And an easy O." Theo hears himself drawl. "What about you? Training to become a seer?"
"Hardly. This was the only elective left that fit into my schedule apparently."
Salazar's balls you were perfect, Theo thinks to himself as Trelawney comes sweeping into the room. Her eyes are closed and her fingertips are pressed against her temples as she swooshes around the room, humming lowly.
"I feel new energy. An unfamiliar presence. You!" Trelawney screeches in her trembly voice, stopping in front of a poor, innocent Hufflepuff with an accusatory finger hovering dangerously close to their eyeball.
Theo can't help but let out a dry snicker and is delighted when he sees you out of the corner of his eye trying to hold back a laugh too. When it's clear to the old professor that the student in front of her had actually been present all year, her eyes scan the room, finally coming to a stop when they rest on you.
"Ah, there you are my dear! Your energy feels so concentrated on this side of the room, it simply drew me over," Trelawney babbles as she makes her way over. "Now let's see here. Palms up dear, palms up, let me have a look."
Theo watches amused, ignoring the weird kissing faces Enzo is making at him, as you sigh but still present your palms facing upwards to the professor. Her bony talons quickly engulf your hands, her eyes fluttering shut once more as her head tilts back, a low hum starting once more.
"Yes, yes. How interesting," the hums get louder as the professor's fingers dig into the lines of your palms. "I see. In the darkest hour, a dark shadow, it will over take you. Consume you."
Trelawney's eyes snap open and Theo watches her face melt back into a warm smile as she gives your hands one last squeeze.
"Welcome to class dear. We have much to learn, so much to see!"
Theo finds that he rather likes the way his heart swells when you turn to look at him, brow raised as you shake your head ever so slightly as if to say, 'what a nutter'.
"How many freaking goblin rebellions is it going to take before the British Ministry finally takes the hint and leaves those poor goblins alone?" you huff, slamming your books a little too loudly onto your table in the library.
You can feel Madam Pince attempting to burn a hole through your back as she glares at you, but you ignore her.
"Probably at leastโ" Theo checks his notes from the day's lesson, "six or seven. Unfortunately not every revolution to rid oneself of British rule is successful," he teases lightly.
You glare at the boy pointedly.
"I'm not even particularly, patriotic," you grumble, the word actually quite sour on your tongue, "but nothing brings Americans together quite like our mutual hatred of the British."
"Mmm. Do let it go on record now that my family is Italian," Theo replies dryly.
Theodore had very quickly become your closest friend at Hogwarts. From that first day in History of Magic the two of you just seemed to click. It also definitely helped that not only did he share your dry sense of humor, but he was also insanely smart, and very easy on the eyes. You'd been worried for a split second when he first introduced you to Daphne Greengrass, a familiar turning in your stomach that you'd quickly identified as jealousy flaring up, but it had been quickly squashed when Theo assured you that they were indeed just friends. But that was neither here nor there. You and Theo had become practically inseparable in the month that you'd been at your new school, much to the chagrin of his friends. You liked them too of course, and they'd been good sports about welcoming you into their little group, but with Theo it was just easy.
You slide your potions notes across the table just as Theo hands over his Charms essay for you to look over. No words exchanged, but you were both perfectly in sync. Easy.
It's far past dark when you finally push your chair back, the old wood scraping against the floor, and you force yourself to stifle a yawn.
"Alright. I'm calling it a night," you announce as you begin packing up your books. "I should head back in case it takes an hour to get that damn eagle to open up the common room door again."
You hear Theo let out a snort at your last comment. He'd heard well and good your complaints about that stupid hunk of metal.
"Guess I'll head out as well. Mattheo has been complaining that he never sees me anymore, but he's just mad he can't copy my notes anymore."
The two of you quickly gather the rest of your things, slinking out of the library right as Pince begins making her rounds to toss the last lingering students out before closing the doors for the night. The walk to Ravenclaw tower is made in comfortable silence as you walk side by side, both of you trying to ignore the way the back of your hands were brushing against each other as you went. When you finally arrive, a whole group of students in black and blue are outside the door when it swings open. Not wanting to miss your chance, you toss Theo a smile over your shoulder before disappearing with the crowd of students through the door.
As soon as you enter your room, you dump your bag on the ground at the foot of your bed, trade your stiff school uniform for a more comfortable track set, and turn right back out the doorโa disillusionment spell on the tip of your tongue. You move silently against the walls, retracing the same steps you'd just taken, leading your right back to the library. It's dark nowโyou knew from experience that as soon as the clock hit ten, Pince was out the doors. You lift your wand, ready to cast the usual alohomora but tonight something stops you. Call it a gut feeling. You grip the handle of the heavy, wood door and without so much as a squeak, the door swings open. Huh. Maybe the cranky librarian had been in such a rush to leave she forgot to lock up.
Without giving it so much as a second thought, you slip through the doors, following the familiar path that lead you right to the heart of the restricted section of the library. Really, you often found yourself wondering, why on Earth did they have a so called restricted section, and then not even bother to put up a single ward to keep students from entering? Wasn't very restricted if they asked you. Your fingertips brush over the spines of different books as you pass through the shelves, pulling one from the shelf every so often if it catches your eye. The silence of the empty library was deafening, but you relished the way you could hear your footsteps echoing on the tile and the rustle of pages turning as you flipped through your nightly finds.
You're on your tiptoes, straining to reach a large tome from the top shelf when you catch sight of a dark shadow appearing out of the corner of your eye. God, you hoped it wasn't that old man Filch. He wasn't as bad as everyone made him seem, you'd been able to talk him out of snitching on you thus far, but it kind of ruined the mood. Your hand drops to rest on the handle of your wand as the shady figure draws closer and you prepare to throw one of your books its way just in case.
"What are you doing here?" the confused voice of Theodore rings out just as you're about to launch your copy of Moste Potente Potions at his head.
You feel your shoulders sag in relief. You hadn't been scared of course. Just vaguely alarmed. Then you let out a laugh.
"And what's funny?"
"Oh, nothing. Just Trelawney and her whole 'A dark shadow is going to overtake you' spiel," you snicker. "And what do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing here?" you ask rather indignantly, turning back to focus on the book that was just out of your reach.
"I come down to the library at night all the time," Theo replies, crossing his arms defensively.
"Well it's obviously not all the time because I've been here every night this month and I've never seen you down here," you reply casually.
You can practically hear Theo rolling his eyes at you.
"Well of course not all the time, Filch would start gettingโsorry did you say you've been here every night? How has Filch not caught you?"
You shrug your shoulders noncommittally, glaring up at the book that seemed to be just taunting you.
"He has a few times, but we usually just chat for a little and then he'll send me on my way."
You don't see the absolutely stunned look on Theo's face.
"You chat? With Filch. About what?" Theo asks incredulously.
You let out an exasperated sigh.
"The weather. Cat toy recommendations for Mrs. Norris. His mother's retirement in France. I don't know, we chat about a lot of things."
You still aren't facing Theo, but if you had been, you probably would have laughed at the completely gobsmacked look that was written across his face.
"Now will you be useful and get that book down for me?" you ask, foot stomping impatiently on the ground.
Still too shocked to respond, Theo reaches up over your head, placing one hand on your shoulder for balance as he easily plucks the book you'd been reaching for off the shelf. Just as he's about to hand it to you though, it seems he comes back to his senses and that smug grin that you'd become so familiar with recently finds its way back to his lips.
"Uh uh uh, where's my reward?" he teases, holding the book just out of reach once more as he smirks down at you.
"Reward?" you ask dryly, looking up to raise an eyebrow at your friend.
Had he always been standing so close?
"I'm a Slytherin. I don't do something for nothing now," he says, voice like honey in your ears.
"What do you want?" you ask, eyes narrowing.
Theo tilts his head as if pretending to think.
"A kiss."
You blink, shoulders shrugging as you turn to face the boy properly. Seemed fair enough to you. You were definitely getting the best end of the deal. So you tug on the collar of Theo's sweatshirt, before crashing your lips into his. His lips are warm and soft and that's all you take note of before pulling away quickly. Theo is clearly stunned once more so you take the opportunity to finally get your hands on the book you'd been eyeing this whole time.
"Thanks Theo!"
Theodore Nott was dangerously close to never brushing his teeth ever again. Because you had kissed him last night. In some sudden, stupid burst of confidence he had asked you to kiss him and you did. It had been a complete jokeโTheo hadn't even remotely considered that you'd actually do it, but you'd grabbed the collar of his jumper and then your lips were on his and he knew he was well and truly done for.
"Theo. Theo! You need to get your act together mate," Lorenzo grunts, elbowing his friend to get his attention.
"What? Stop that," Theo mutters, batting Enzoโs arm away from him.
"Seriously. You're acting like a love sick puppy."
Theo glares.
"Would take one to know one," he snaps, falling back in his seat with a huff.
Now it's Enzo's turn to narrow his eyes.
"I'm going to choose to ignore that because you're just upset that you didn't kiss y/n back," he responds.
Theo's eyes bulge at the boldโalbeit correctโobservation.
"Can you keep your bloody voice down?" he hisses, eyes flickering about to make sure no one had heard.
Luckily, you had only just entered the divination classroom so at least Theo was safe for now. Or maybe not.
"Morning," you say brightly giving the group a small wave and taking your usual spot next to Theo.
Theo opens his mouth to respond but, Salazar you smelled good today, and your lips, god your lips looked soft and pink and, the words feel caught in Theo's throat. Somewhere in the distance he can hear Enzo snickering obnoxiously, but all Theo can do is stare at you dumbly. This was mortifying. As soon as he figured out how to move again Theo was launching himself straight off this bloody tower.
"Hey, do you want to sneak into the library again tonight?" you ask casually, laying your things out on your desk, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you were about to send Theo into cardiac arrest.
Of course I'll sneak back into the library with you. Especially if it means you'll kiss me again, Theo wants to say. But he has at least a little bit of dignity left, so he straightens himself in his chair, trying to maintain at least somewhat of an air of nonchalance as he finally strings a sentence together.
"Sure."
Okay, so a sentence might be giving himself a bit too much credit, but it was better than sitting there gaping like a daft idiot. You seem satisfied with his answer though as you turn to face the front just as Trelawney waltzes into the room with her usual dramatic flair. Theo drifts in and out of the lesson as Trelawney rambles on about tea leaves and the placement of tasseography symbols. He tried to focus. Really he needed to, because the alternative was his gaze finding its way to the curve of your lips and the way your tongue pressed against the inside of your cheek as you furiously scribbled down notes.
The gentle sound of metal clinking on china pulls Theo wholey back to class as a spoon taps impatiently on the teacup in front of him as if urging him to drink. Glancing around he sees most of his classmates were already bottoms up. Drinking down the rather bitter liquid, Theo carefully places his cup back down in front of him, peering disinterestedly at its contents. Just looked like soggy tea leaves to him.
Trelawney insists on moving about the room though, dissecting the meanings inside each little cup and leaving behind a trail of utterly befuddled students in her wake. When she finally reaches Theo, he can visibly see her begin to vibrate with excitement as she moves his cup around in her hands, swishing the tea leaves back and forth.
"Look there, dear. Do you see?" she asks giddily, shoving the teacup back in Theo's face.
"No." he replies flatly, not even bothering to examine the wet leaves.
"Look closer."
Theo's nose is practically inside the cup now and he can hear you and Enz snickering on either side of him. Traitors. When he still doesn't say anything, Trelawney lets out a huff, sticking her crooked finger into the cup and speaking slowly as if explaining something to a small child.
"Right there. Don't you see?" she asks, as if it should've been the most obvious thing in the world. "An axeโ" she swirls the cup to the side. "And a butterfly."
Theo stares blankly at the old woman.
"Use their notes and figure it out," she finally huffs in exasperation before sweeping off to another table.
As soon as she's gone and Theo makes eye contact with you he can't help but chuckle as Daphne scowls at the two of you.
"Look," she sighs, shoving her notes across the table for Theo to read.
The Axeโproblems overcome
The Butterflyโsuccess and pleasure
Wonderful. More nonsense. That was the problem with divinationโthe definitions were so broad they were basically meaningless. Overcoming problems and success? That could be about anything. Theo pushes the parchment back to its owner with a shrug. He'd just do what he always did and make something up for the assignment.
Shadows loom against the dimly lit walls of the library as you and Theo wander through the shelves together. Theo had been quieter than usual tonight. To be fair, he wasn't usually the most talkative person ever, but you had had to push to get your usual banter out of him. He clearly had something on his mind. You don't push though. That was something you both appreciated about each otherโjust being there together was enough.
Once you both have a sizable stack of books pulled together you tuck yourselves away in one of the back corners of the restricted section. Far enough that not even Mrs. Norris would bother to wander all the way back. You find yourself curling up next to your friend, legs pressed together and shoulders brushing as you cast a soft lumos charm just bright enough to illuminate the pages of your books as you read. The quiet is nice after a long day of navigating the crowded halls and classrooms of the school. Hogwarts was definitely a lively place, and you hadn't realized just how much you missed having some peace and quiet until you'd snuck out of Ravenclaw tower that first night.
"Do you think divination might not be completely useless?" Theo asks a while later, breaking the silence.
You look up in surprise before glancing down at the book he's readingโDivination Through the Ages: A Skeptics Guideโyour eyebrows furrowing in thought. If you were being honest, you'd always thought that divination was, to be polite, dumb. In fact, you'd been rather pissed when your head of house, Professor Flitwick, had told you that it was the only class that would fit in your schedule. But you didn't think that was what Theo wanted to hear at the moment.
"I mean, all forms of magic have their unique uses I suppose," you reply carefully, wondering where this was going.
Theo just hums in response, continuing to finger through the pages of the book as you watch with curiosity. Finally, with a deep breath, he snaps the book closed and turns to face you. It's clear he wants to say something as you search his eyes which seem to be getting ever so slightly closer by the second. You can't help the way your eyes drop down to his lips as his tongue glides across his bottom lip nervously. They're so close now you can practically feel the way they had pressed against your own last night. However brief that encounter had been. When you finally tilt your head back up to meet his eyes once more, your nose brushes his and you feel your breath hitch. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was about to kiss you right now.
And then his lips are on yours and you feel your body go limp as he pulls you into him, your eyes fluttering closed as he molds you to him. Your book slips from your fingers with a dull thud as it hits the ground, but you hardly notice. Theo's lips are just as warm, and soft, and utterly intoxicating as you remembered them to be. You can feel Theo smiling against your lips as he pulls you impossibly closer and you forget where you are, what you were doing, everything except what it feels like to be held in Theo's arms.
When you finally break apart, it's your turn to blink in stunned silence as Theo gazes down at you, his breath warm against your cheek.
"Ever since you arrived, everything that divination has told me has come true," Theo says gruffly, clearly not pleased to be having to admit it.
You couldn't blame him. The two of you had kind of bonded over how unseriously you both took the class. Still though, you tilt your head, inviting him to continue.
"The first day we metโthat morning in divination, a deck of tarot cards told me I was going to fall in love."
A dry laugh escapes Theo's lips as he pulls back, eyes trained everywhere but at you now. Which is probably for the best as you feel tendrils of heat creeping up into your face.
"I didn't believe them of course. Thought it was pure rubbish."
Your heart stutters for a moment before your eyes land on the book Theo had been reading so intently up until now.
"Hm. And did something change?" you ask cautiously, not daring to get your hopes up.
"Well, the soggy leaves in my tea this morning kind of implied that I should get my act together if I wanted any sort of success, soโ" Theo lets out another wry laugh, though there's no humor in his voice. Just a nervous undertone that you can tell he's trying to mask.
"Well did you? Fall in love that is?" you ask, suddenly feeling shy around Theo for the first time.
There's a beat of silence where you can practically feel your heart trying to tear its way out of your chest. You hadn't quite realized just how much you wanted this until it was staring you in the face. Or rather anywhere but. Then Theo meets your eyes once more.
"I think I could. If I'm not half way there already."
His words melt every bit of tension you had been feeling previously as you let out a breath that you didn't know you'd been holding.
"I think I'm half way there too."
Everyone say thank you to the beta readers @simplyastra and @nottendo ๐ซถ๐ฝ
synopsis - mj's party was one of the few first parties peter has been to since the spell, he's been watching over her since then, even though it kills him to see her with her new boyfriend. when suddenly, a classmate pulls him out of that painful trance.
warning - lowercase writing. very short(?) i haven't written on this acc for years, but BND inspired me.
another song plays as ned skips through his playlist, his and mj's place was full of sweaty people. most were dancing, some were making out in a corner, and some were refilling their red solo cups as they played a childishโbut nostalgicโgame of truth or dare.
peter had been stalking patroling around this area a lot, where he knew she would be. the music seems to quiet down as they're replaced by the ringing in his ear when he looks at mj and her new boyfriend paul arranging the flowers by the kitchen. he stairs at her for what feels like eternity, looking at the differences in her behavior. her hair, her makeup, her new confidenceโ
"hey, peter was it?" a sudden voice brings him out of the rabbit hole he was plunging into. he wasn't used to hearing that name, since he tampered with magic that basically caused the whole world to crumble.
"ohโuh, yeah. hey...?" peter says, scratching the back of his neck as he looks at them with a sort of sheepish look in his eyes. y/n chuckles, shaking her head.
"it's y/n. we share a table in molecular biotech." they smile, offering him a beer. "i didn't expect to see you at a party." y/n admits, to which peter laughs quietly with a nod.
"oh, yeah! thanks so much for lending your notes, by the way." he smiles, accepting the beer. "yeah, parties usually aren't my thing. but it's nice to get a drink."
y/n hums, "just the sit back and observe type?"
peter smiles, glancing down at the bottle in his hands as he steadies it in his palm, just desperate to have something to do with his hands. "yeah, i guess so."
there's a beat of silence, more calm than awkward. the room was filled with the distant thrum of ned's playlist that was mostly taylor swift and laughter. the pair in the kitchen laughs; mj throws her head back, laughing at something paul said, and peter's gaze instinctively shifts towards the couple before immediately looking away.
y/n looks at mj, before turning back to peter. "she's important to you, huh?"
"was." he said gruffly, looking down before he takes a swig of his beer before correcting himself. "or is. i don't know." he was grateful y/n didn't press, but just nods.
"guess that kind of thing doesn't really go away." y/n hums, and peter nods, muttering a quiet "yeah."
another song plays, with louder and heavier bassโobviously mj's choice, peter thought. someone bumps into his shoulder in passing, muttering a quick apology before disappearing into the mess of college students.
y/n straightens, leaving their empty solo cup abandoned on the counter before looking at the dance floor. "come on."
peter blinks. "what?"
"dance, silly." they say, already reaching for his wrist. this was all so unusual to him. he had gone five years with people barely caring of his existence, keeping to the shadows, and it only takes one moment in a night with his biotech classmate to change it.
he lets out a startled laugh, his hand slightly tightening against the bottle. "i don't dance." he protests, despite the way he lets y/n guide him towards the middle.
"then you can stand there while i dance. your call." y/n chuckles, and it took a few minutes before he finally decides to join the fun instead of standing in the middle.
for a moment, the loneliness stopped creeping into spider-man's mind.
in which: peter just got home from patrol and you've been knocking on his apartment door for the past thirty minutes
note: omg it's my first time publishing a peter parker fanfic here on tumblr! spidey has been my biggest superhero crush since i got into marvel, like, 6 years ago??? and because of the release of the brand new day trailer, i just knowww i have to write for my og man!
tags: set in brand new day, not canon to the movie tho, hurt/comfort, classmate!reader, neighbors, broke college students, poor peter ๐ข, treating peter's wounds, oneshot, implications of depression, tsundere reader (?) lol, academic rivals-ish, kinda platonic and romantic at the same time, no specific pronouns used, no use of y/n
IT'S BEEN a long day for peter. it's always been a long day for him since his aunt died, since everyone forgot his existence, since his best friend and significant other lost memories of him. so he drowned himself in college, in crime fighting, in working to fend for himself. because he's all alone now, he has no one to lean on but him.
peter could barely land by his apartment window properly with how beaten and bruised he is after a long night of patrolling the city. he couldn't remember when he'd let himself get beaten up so bad. maybe it was a way to punish himself for putting everyone he loves in danger, for killing them. he clumsily opened the window, careful not to make a noise as he enters his apartment. afraid he might wake his neighbors through the thin walls of this cheap apartment complex.
but luck wasn't on his side. despite being superhuman, he is still human, and so the fatigue from taking kicks and punches got to him and he fell on the wooden floor, hard. he hissed at the pain and the thought of bothering his neighbors. all of a sudden, a loud banging came from the outside of his door. "parker! i know you're in there!" a voice shouted.
peter stood up abruptly. it was you, a classmate at university and a neighbor. why were you looking for him in the middle of the night? peter doesn't knowโ or rather, he probably doesn't remember. "open the goddamn door! i've been here for the past thirty minutes!" your shouting and banging got louder, like you didn't care if it woke up the other tenants.
"coming!" he shouted, struggling to remove the suit and slip into a shirt he found lying on the floor. peter doesn't forget to kick the suit under his bed before opening the door ajar. "where have you been all night?" you ask, not beating around the bush. you might be frustrated from peter making you wait long, but you didn't fail to notice the slight bruise on his cheek.
"i- uh, i was asleep," peter answered, voice hoarse and tiredness evident. you raise a suspecting eyebrow at the guy. "asleep...?" you started, not entirely convinced with his reason. "but i've been knocking on your door since six p.m." peter pursed his lip and rubbed his temple. he looked like a caught puppy stealing socks that you felt half-bad for him.
"i'm a heavy sleeper," peter said sheepishly. he seemed like he wanted to end the conversation quickly, which isn't entirely far from the truth. he just wants to get some rest, is all. "right... how'd you get that bruise then?" you finally ask. you weren't one to intrude on someone's personal life, but peter's prominent bruise kept bothering you. asking a simple question doesn't hurt, right? after all, you two are classmates, acquaintances even.
"i, justโ" peter shrugged his shoulders. "โfell." at this point, you don't think he's even trying to convince you anymore. "did you get those scratches too when you fell? you got thumbtacks sticking out of your floor or something?" you humored him, feeling a bit dissatisfied with his answers.
peter closed his eyes, fighting the drowsiness away. he gets that you're smart and there's no point reasoning with you when you're just going to question him like a research panelist, but he's not in the mood right now. "you know what? thank you for the book, i'll return it tomoโ" before he could grab the book from your hand, you quickly evade him. you held up a finger at him and said, "wait here."
you left a bewildered peter before coming back with a first aid kit in hand. "listen, i don't know if you have a first aid kit so i had to get mine," you explained, inviting yourself in his apartment. peter watched as you sat yourself on his bed, not caring if you have his permission or not. it's not like he couldn't say no to you either, you always find a way to get things your way. and no one can stop you, not even spider-man himself.
"so? are you going to let me treat your wounds?" you ask rhetorically. embarrassed in only his unwashed shirt and boxer briefs, peter closed the door and dragged himself onto the bed. "don't blush. i have brothers, i've seen men in boxers since the day i was born," you stated nonchalantly as you prepared to clean his wounds.
the both of you stayed quiet as you aid peter, the muffled streets of new york serving as your background music. to which you two are very familiar with. through your peripheral vision, you could see peter's head bobbing. he's sleepy, you thought. now you're suddenly realizing the awkwardness of the situation: you, inside a college classmate's apartment, treating his wounds that you're not sure where he got from, in the middle of the night.
"parker," you started, startling the boy back awake. "i know we only met in college. i don't know your whole story, i don't know you my whole life. but whatever you're doing..." you paused, looking up at him for the first time in a while. it's the first time you've ever observed him up close, and now you can see how much he's been through.
the darkening eyebags, the wrinkles on his forehead, and the sparkless eyes... like he's ready to let go of everything anytime. you know a thing or two about these kinds of things because maybe... you've experienced it too. you blinked, snapping back to reality and looked down at his wounds once again.
"i know you're a top student, like... geez, you're always a rank ahead of me and you're always asking dr. brenner questions like a teacher's petโ" you stopped blabbering when you heard peter hiss in pain. it seems you were unconsciously pressing hard on his wounds, which you didn't mean to and muttered an apology under your breath.
"what i mean to say is... take a break dude. all of us are just trying to get by, i know that..." you looked up at peter once again. he was intently staring at you, listening attentively as if you didn't just insult him in front of his face earlier. curse the moon's timing because the natural light hitting his face right now was making you melt. the way it perfectly illuminated his dark brown eyes making it seem like his spark was back.
you looked away immediately as you said your next line, "... but you're just a human, peter." out of your vision, peter's eyes widen, not in shock but in amusement. from what he knows, to you, he was just a classmate, an acquaintance, heckโ an academic rival even. so hearing that statement from you, and even calling him by his first name for the first time, somehow felt relieving. as if he's been waiting for someone to see him... even after he deliberately chose to be forgotten (which was due to circumstances he didn't choose).
"now, do you have any otherโ" before you could finish your question, peter engulfed you into a hug. your breath hitched in surprise and you could feel the heat radiate from his body. "thank you," he whispered, his breath sending shivers through your spine. you playfully push him off and harshly pressed a cotton ball with povidone-iodine on his wound, which made peter let out a high-pitched yelp.
"save the cheesy stuff for the girl you've been stalking, parker," you teased him, trying to mask the strange feeling bubbling inside your chest. a blush crept on peter's face and he stuttered, embarrassed that you somehow knew he's been looking out (stalking) for mj. you only laughed hysterically at the boy's reaction, though there was a sting in your chest that you believe is just a heartburn. but what you felt didn't matter, because you manage to lift a weight off of peter's shoulder. and from then on, he wasn't just a mere classmate, acquaintance, or academic rival. from then on, he became a friend.
end note: i hope yall liked this fanfic! can't wait for the new movie to come out! xoxo
your feet hurriedly moved away from the scene, breathing heavily as your head continued to repeat at how "cool" he had pretended to be in front of his friends. that was not the jj you have become so familiar with, not the one you've held, certainly not the one you shared intimacy with.
not getting so far, you hear his voice behind you. it was desperate and it cracks through the noise of this bonfire. "y/n! please, wait!" jj yelled, attempting to reach you.
you didn't turn around, continued to walk away as you couldn't trust yourself to stop. you didn't trust yourself enough to look at him, to hear what reason he throws your way now.
"y/n!" his footsteps now pounded against the sand, faster of pace and is inching closer towards you. jj's calloused hands brushed against your arm, shrugging him off as you forced yourself to keep moving
"leave me alone, jj." you spoke, cold and steady, even though your chest found it hard to breathe.
"just- please, let me explain!" he pleads, cutting in front of your path as he stepped toward you. his face was flushed, his blond hair messy from the salt air, and his blue eyes were now filled with something similar to regret.
you crossed your arms, scoffing at him as you refused to meet his gaze. "explain what, jj? how i'm just a girl you talk to 'sometimes?' you said it perfectly clear there is nothing between us." you shook your head, your tone sharp. "i don't need to hear it, jj."
he winced at your words like they hurt him physically, and for a moment, he stood there as his gaze flitted from you and across the ocean as he figured out how to fix something he didn't know how to fix.
"i-i didn't mean that, y/n." he said quietly, his voice rough.
"sure sounded like you did," you scoffed, finally meeting his gaze. "you didn't even hesitate, jj. you said it like... it was the easiest thing in the world!"
his hands came up to run through his hair, a telltale sign of his frustration. "i'm a coward, okay?" he blurts out. "i...i panicked. i didn't know what to say and u screwed up. but, y/n, i didn't mean it. i never meant it."
you stood there, arms cross and unmoving.
"you think you don't mean anything to me? i care about you so much. i can't... i can't stop thinking about you. can't stop wanting you. but i'm terrified! i have nothing, y/n. you deserve more than this, more than me." he spoke, his voice cracked and he was desperate.
the raw honesty in his voice made your anger falter, you stared at him. caught between the chaos of wanting to believe him, or to protect yourself from more heartbreak
"then why would you say that?" you spoke quietly, afraid how your voice could betray you if you spoke a little louder.
"i'm scared, y/n." he admitted, his blue eyes piercing into yours. "we... we come from different families, i'm afraid that you'll realize that i have nothing, and that i screw everything up and you'll leave me for good."
your heart clenched, and for a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath.
"you think i care about that, jj!" you cried out, your voice cracking. "if thisโ" you gestured between the two of you, "โwas real, you would know i don't care about what 'you have' or 'don't have'."
"it is real!" he said, his voice breaking. "i'm sorry, but you have to understand. i can't give you anything half as good as the life you live right now."
you sigh, looking down and pinching the bridge of your nose.
"you know i don't give a fuck. all i wanted was you, jj. and to hear you act like we were nothing, it hurts." you admit, a frown on your face. the tears you'd been holding back has spilled over.
his eyes look guilty as he noticed your tears, he immediately closes the distance and pulls you into a into his arms, a comforting hug as he rubbed along your back.
"please... i'll make it up to you, just don't leave."
you stayed in his arms for a moment, before pulling away. "jj..." you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. you pulled back, just enough to see his face. his eyes were red-rimmed, his lips trembling slightly. "you can't keep doing thisโpushing me away, then you ask me to stay. it's confusing, and it hurts."
"i know" he said, his voice thick with guilt. "i don't want to hurt you, princess. it's just... i've never had something this real, and i'm so damn scared of losing it i didn't stop to think that i might have."
"then stop." you spoke softly, looking into his eyes and searching for the raw truth. "if you care about me as much as you say you do, then let me in. stop letting your fears win."
he nods adamantly, "i will, i swear. i won't push you away, i'm trying."
you sighed, your heart aching but hopeful. you took his hand in your own. "but if we're doing this, it's all in. no half-measuresโthat is what i don't deserve."
he squeezes your hand, nodding as he whispers a soft yes.
summary - jj tells you that you're belong right next to , but denies what you have the next day. was it all casual?
warning - f!reader, angsty, the pain that comes with casual relationships.
should i make a part 2? โบ๏ธโบ๏ธ comment if so! y'all idk how to make my stuff longer, i hate how short my works r
the night before was beautiful, jj had seen a part of your soul. sat on the docks by kildare, with your legs hitting the water. jj was right next to you, the night unfolded with soft whispers and lingering touches.
you were talking about the suffocations of being from a kook family, the expectations, the standards, and how they control you. it got too much sometimes, and you can't help but feel like you don't belong.
jj looked at you fondly, a confused expression on his face. "i don't get it..." he started, running his hand through his hair.
"you've got it all, don't you?" he asked, eyeing you up and down. you smiled at him lightly, nudging him in the side.
"do i?" you challenged, looking into his blue eyes as you leaned forward slightly. he chuckled lightly at your jab, as you continued to speak. "because it doesn't feel like it. not when i have these expectations on who i should be, held above my head, told what to want."
jj's jaw tightened, he knew it all too well. the feeling of wanting freedom, albeit his prison was a different kind. he shook his head no, wrapping his arm over your shoulder. "then, you don't belong there."
you looked at him for a moment, a soft smile lingering on your face. "hm... and where do i belong?"
the question hung heavy in the air, an unspoken tension that lies between the two of you. he had a smile on his face, pulling you closer with his arm on your shoulder. he kissed your forehead before looking into your eyes.
"here. with me."
the night before had panned out so perfectly, so beautifully. you can't help but feel anger, anger that curled in your chest like smoke from the dying bonfire. you didn't know where you stood with himโ and maybe that was the problem.
the boneyard was alive, a blur of kooks and pogues dancing and laughing like there wasn't a barrier between them. your friends surrounded you, their sharp, mocking voices cutting through the night
"loser" you're best friend called you with a laugh, as she noticed you looking around for a certain blond. "hanging around him? he's a lowlife!"
you ignored her, pretending her words didn't sting. jj made you feel realโlike you weren't just another strung up kook with a curated life. what you had with him was real... or so you thought.
quickly excusing yourself to find a drink, you slipped through the bustling crowd, rubbing your hands over your arms for some comfort. you scanned around, looking for familiar faces, hoping to find his. and then you did. jj stood by the keg, his blond hair messy and his easy grin lighting up the night.
his friends, john b and pope, laughed loudly as their voices carried over the music. jj leaned casually against the keg, a beer in hand. he looked like he belongedโa slap in your face that this was his world, and you were an intruder.
"yo, what's the deal with you and that kook...y/n?" he asked, teasing. you stood there frozen, with your heart pounding.
jj didn't answer right away, taking a sip of his beer instead and looking away.
pope chimed in, agreeing. "yea, isn't she like, out of your league?"
jj rolled his eyes at that, his smirk faltering. "we're not together." he said casually, his voice cool. "jus' talk to her sometimes."
the laughter around them died slowly, his friends looked at him with disbelief in their faces.
"what?" jj groaned, shifting uncomfortably under his friends weird faces. "m'serious! there's nothing between us."
you stood there appalled, frozen as you watched the scene. you felt your heart drop, at how easy he could brush you off like everything was nothing. you turned away before you could hear anything more, before any of them could see you from afar.
the lump in your throat grew as you walked away, you could hear them talking behind you but you didn't look back.
what you didn't know was john b slapping jj on the head, because he spotted you right as you walked away. "shit, man! she heard everything!"
summary : kooks bully you at a party, and rafe reassures you.
warnings : bullying, discrimination, cursing, use of y/n, feminine descriptions.
i'm unsure if this is any good ๐ฅธ i feel like i rushed it a lot. but hope u likey
rafe and i were two sides of the same coin, opposite but inseparable. he grew up in a silver spoon gated community, everything was served to him in a silver platter. a bubble-wrapped future, footsteps for him ready to follow.
while i was having candle-lit dinners at the cut, he had them in fancy michelin star restaurants. rafe had a cold exterior when it came to other people; to protect himself. however, when it came to me, he was the most caring boy.
clandestine meetings at the age of 12, his father would berate him for hanging out with a "pogue" like me, but he couldn't let him take away the one thing that brought him peace. we were best friends, eventually becoming more with lingering touches and longing glances.
he became a honorable part of my humble family, sometimes being invited over to our most simple of dinners, dancing in the living room late night swims in the beach.
it was friday night in outer banks, a party in full swing. this house belonged to topper. i was clinging to rafe's arm, feeling out of place. the tension in the air was palpable. i had debated that i didn't want to go here, knowing i would feel singled out and small.
this place yelled every single thing that was different between us two. the glistening chandeliers, polished floors, and snobby laughs coming from kooks who have never worked a day in their lives.
rafe smiles, looking at me. "i'll grab us some drinks real quick, alright baby?" he spoke, a gentle tone in his voice that was reserved only for me. i hesitated, not wanting to be left alone in this damned place. but i nodded, i couldn't be the one to hold him back, especially in his world. glamorous, shining, bright beverly hills.
he turned around, getting lost in the crowd of super rich kids. i stood in a less crowded corner, trying to attract the least attention, and it seemed to have worked.
three girls nearby were whispering among the other, yet they were louder than they realized.
"could you believe rafe cameron brought that girl here?" the blonde one scoffed, jealously reeked out of her mouth. the other two agreed, chiming in.
"must be hard living on the cut, always desperate to climb their way out." another one insinuated. i couldn't help but scoff at the idea, my heart was heavy and i couldn't bare being here. the bimbo chimed in, a confused look on her face.
"you really think she slept her way to be his girlfriend? i don't think even cameron would allow that..." she spoke, eyes wide. the blone one rolled her eyes. "well, even the richest men can still think with their dicks, jessica." she was an absolute mean girl, and her tone displayed it perfectly.
i felt like the walls were moving in on me, it was all too much. this place was too much. i quietly turned away, going outside by the porch where no one seemed to stay. i breathed in the fresh air, fidgeting.
soon after, rafe had found where i was. he looked at me fondly, a soft smile on his face. "hey... there you are. i thought i lost you in there." he said, rubbing his hand over my shoulder. i exhaled sharply.
"why am i here, rafe?" i questioned, my voice was low as i stood against the railing of the front porch of toppers' home, that was as big as the living room of my family's house. rafe looked at me confused.
"what do you mean, baby?" he asked, a soft and confused look in his eyes.
i laughed out a scoff, a bitter tone. "i don't belong here, rafe. your world... this mansion, these people." i paused, unsure how to continue. "i grew up on the cut, these people do nothing but look down at us. i can't be here rafe, i can't be in this world."
rafe's jaw tightened, looking away for a second before looking back at me. "you know that's not fair" he spoke, his voice on the edge.
"what's not fair is you pushing to bring me here! i don't have any of the things the girls here have. you'd be better off with someone from your world..." i spoke, my voice breaking a little from frustration.
rafe's eyes softened, he moved closer toward me. "baby..."
"don't you see how different we are? your world is all polished floors and bright chandeliers. mine is messy and chaotic." i spoke softly, afraid my voice will betray me.
he reached out, grabbing both hands and bringing them closer to him. "listen, i didn't bring you here to make you feel small. i don't want these girls, they can all go fuck themselves! i love you, and i love that we're different." he spoke softly, kissing the knuckles of my hands.
"none of this matters to me, baby. it doesn't mean anything if i don't have you." rafe spoke, his blue eyes warm.
i searched his face, looking into his eyes. i want to believe him yet doubt lingered in the back of my head. "you say that now..."
"but what happens when your friends remind you of who i am? when your dad tells you i'm not good enough." my voice was below a whisper, afraid of the possibilities of this relationship we had.
rafe held me by my shoulders, "i don't care. i'm done caring what they think. i want you, and the messy and chaotic world you've shown me." he said, leaning in and kissing my forehead.
"i don't need this world. i want the one where you showed me it's okay to be real, that it's okay to feel." he says softly, looking deeply into my eyes.
the way he looked at me so gently, so genuine. i felt as if i could cry. i attacked him in a hug, my arms wrapped around his torso.
"its just... those girls get under my skin. kept talking about how i slept my way out of the cut." i admitted quietly, my head still against his chest.
rafe shakes his head, hugging me back. "never ever let them get to you. they're just pissed." he pulled back to look at me, smiling. he pressed his lips onto mine, for a short and delicate kiss. "how about we just get out of here?" he said, a cheeky smile on his face.
i laughed, nodding my head yes. "i'd like that so much. please." he grinned, putting my hand in his as he guided us out of this place.
note! after that last ep, i just needed to feel something again ๐ฅน i am in denial. also, back to lowercase writing cause i'm currently too lazy.
we are in y/n's pov (n/n) means nickname
the ocean breeze was gentle, carrying a faint scent of salt and the warmth caresses my face. i stood by the dock at poguelandia, my head turning when i heard jj call for me. i smiled as he got nearer.
he wraps his arms around my waist from my back, i lean into him and look up smiling. "hi j" i say, softly looking into his beautiful ocean eyes.
he grins back, the look on his face ever so familiar, he's up to something. "hi princess, got something for you." he says, turning me around to face him. i look up, intrigued.
"hm, what might that be?" i ask, my hands on his arms as i look at him curiously. he smiles and takes my hands, guiding me to his motorbike. "just hold tight, i have the perfect spot" jj said, emphasis on perfect, excitement evident in his voice.
i laughed, latching onto his waist as the engine of his bike roared. the air felt nice on my skin as jj lead me to this mysterious spot. only a few minutes later, he stops the bike and leads me uphill by the ocean. he keeps turning to look at my face, eager.
"you look so excited, baby. what do you have planned huh?" i say, chuckling as i still follow his lead. we finally reach the top and he opens his arms wide as if to reaveal something.
there was a blanket and a picnic basket on top of it, the sun was close to setting and the air was comforting. the view was mesmerizing as it perfectly overlooked the ocean and the sky. i gasped, turning to him
"you did this for me, j?" i ask exasperated. he nods smiling and pulling me into a hug. "of course, princess. i'd do anything for you."
i smile and kiss his cheek, as he grabs my arm and guides me to the blanket, sitting down. we sat cuddled into each other, my head lying agains his chest as he sat behind me with his arms around me.
"this is nice jj" i whisper, leaning against his forearm. he grins from behind me, kissing my shoulder.
"just you and me, doll. exactly how i like it." he says, hugging me closer. i smile into his arms, feeling safe and content. there was nothing else better than this for me.
jj tilted his head to look at me, his blue eyes looking into mine softly and affectionately which made my heart flutter. he lifted his hand to carres my cheek, i instinctively lean into his touch.
i smile softly at him, adoring the man before me. he speaks, "you're pretty amazing, you know that, n/n?" at that i blush.
"says you, this place is beautiful j" i say, lovingly looking into his eyes.
he laughed, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. โwhat can i say? i got lucky with you.โ
i look up at him, the warmth and sincerity in his ocean blue eyes. the sun was setting, the waves sounded calming. without another word, i leaned in, our lips meeting in a sweet lingering kiss. it was soft and gentle, love just pouring into every bit of the kiss.
when i finally pulled back, jj rested his head on my shoulder, a gentle smile on his lips as he looked at the sunset before us. "i already have everything i have ever wanted, y/n. you're everything"
i smiled, my hands intertwined with his. "i love you jj."
he kisses the side of my head affectionately, whispering in my ear. "i love you too, princess."
erm it has been 10 months since I last updated!?! it's so nice to see people still liking my stuff though ๐ฅน i'm currently in my graduating year, so very busy but i wanna write again so i might!!!!
summary : part 3 to losing you, final part. where rafe had 10 days til christmas, and in those ten days, he is determined to win you back.
note! i am so sorry this took so long, i've literally been so busy with uni stuff. hope u like!
p2 p1
The cool air engulfed the people of the outer banks, carrying the promise of holiday magic as figure eight was decorated in festive lights. I found myself caught in the undertow of emotion, remembering the ten days of Rafe trying to "win me back"
I can't help but bite back a smile, It made me feel all warm and I could feel the butterflies fluttering in my body. The first day, I awoke to a large bouquet of my favorite flowers with a note from Rafe.
it read; "Good morning, doll. I have a surprise in the living room.
love, Rafe."
I felt my cheeks warming up, I looked at my phone to see what time it was, and it was exactly time for breakfast. Walking down, I could already smell the fresh coffee and some sweet waffles.
"Hi darling, you sleep well?" Rafe asked, greeting me as I walked down the stairs.
I smiled at him, "Yes, I did. Thank you for the flowers by the way, you remembered my favorites. " in turn, he smirked at me and bent down to my height.
"Of course I did, I could never forget anything about you." Rafe said, in a semi raspy and quiet tone that makes me wanna jump him
"Anyways, I made you some coffee and waffles. Eat up! I have a lot prepared for today." He says, leading me to the dining table.
There were two plates of fluffy waffles with bacon and syrup on the side with a cup of coffee in the same christmas mugs I bought years before.
"This looks so good!" I say, my eyes wide with excitement. "You cooked these?" I asked, looking at him.
Rafe chuckles and nods, before pulling out a chair for you. mhm, gentleman.
I say a soft thank you and he sits in front of me. I dig in and instantly am greeted with pleasure. "So, what're we doing today?" I say, my mouth still half-full with some waffles.
He grins at me, "You're adorable. You'll see when we go to the living room."
After breakfast, Rafe guided me to the living room all while covering my eyes. "I really hope you like this."
He uncovers my eyes and I am met with our christmas ornaments and decorations that we used the last christmas we celebrated together.
"Are these-?" I start, but Rafe already answered.
"Yup. The same exact ones. I didn't decorate again after that, it felt wrong, without you." He said, and I almost teared up.
"Oh, Rafe." I say, in a soft voice. He smiles, redirecting the conversation.
"I also bought those ugly christmas sweaters you're obsessed with, look! we can match." Rafe says, showing the neatly folded ugly sweaters on the couch. I grinned, he knew me too well.
"These are so adorable, I love it!" I say, rushing to the couch to immediately wear the one intended for me as Rafe chuckles at my eagerness and wears his as well.
"I'm glad you like it." He says, before walking closer to me. "Will you, y/n, accept my invitation to decorate this house, that even Saint Nicholas himself would be jealous?" Rafe says playfully, holding his hand out for me to accept his invitation.
I accepted his hand as I chuckled like a little kid on Christmas Eve.
Almost hours later, We decorated the whole living and dining area with festive and warm decorations. "It's beautiful!" I say, looking at Rafe with a big smile.
"Just like you." He says, his eyes twinkling from the christmas lights as he looked at me so fondly. My cheeks started warming up, my heart beating faster.
Is it bad to admit I already feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again, on day one? I won't tell him that though, he needs to work for it.
Day Five
Days have passed and everyday I woke up with a handwritten note on the bedside table and a bouquet of flowers. I was curious as to what he had planned this time.
I read the note, it said ; "Hey beautiful, I went out for a while. Work stuff. Meet me at the front door by 11? Wear something casual, I'll see you.
love, Rafe."
It was already 8 am, I stood up and made my bed and had some breakfast. After doing my routine, I wore a simple sundress that I know Rafe loves, and a white knit cardigan cause it gets really chilly during December.
By the time I finished, it was almost 11 which was when Rafe arrived.
He walked in by the doorway, before he saw me, and his eyes were wide in admiration and his mouth slightly parted. "Hi, you look lovely." Rafe said, in a sigh as if he just got his breath taken away.
I smiled at him. "Thank you, you look nice." I say, taking note of his white button dow shirt and navy blue pants.
Grinning, Rafe opened the door "You ready?" He asks. I nod, walking out as he trails behind me. He opens the door to his Bentley and we sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
"So, where are we going?" I ask. Rafe looks at me for a brief second, and smiles. "You remember, one of our first dates when we were sixteen, we had a really spontaneous picnic under a lighthouse by tannyhil that we only had candies and chips as our food?" He says, the memory clear as day as he talked about it.
I gasped and grinned, turning to him. "Oh my gosh, yes! I remember, we kept promising we'd come back next time more prepared."
He chuckles. "Yup, and I'll finally fulfill my promise." Rafe says, looking at me briefly again. He had his hand on the wheel as he drove, and his sunglasses hanging by the pocket of his shirt.
I took a minute to admire him, completely forgetting we were having a conversation. He smirks, looking at me again before looking bsck at the road.
"You alright?" He asks, a faint tone of teasing evident in his voice. I playfully roll my eyes.
Few minutes later we've finally arrived at the place. There was a red and white picnic blanket set on the floor, with pillows and fairy lights around, and Rafe got the basket filled with food from his car.
"This is so adorable, Rafe." I say in awe. He smiles at me and sets the food down on the picnic blanket.
"I got you all your favorite food. and for old times sake, I got the same gummy candies we had years ago." Rafe said, smiling as he took out the bag of candy and shook it.
I said down on the blanket, smiling as I looked at the food he got. He did have everything I liked, from fruits to my favorite pastries and meals.
I was in awe, he really still remembered everything I liked.
"Come, let's eat!" He says, handing me some chocolate covered strawberries. I take it from him and almost sigh at how absolutely delicious it was.
I looked around, this place still looked and feels exactly the same as it used to. I feel myself start to tear up, the nostalgia getting to me. Rafe notices and stopped what he was doing.
He looked at me with concern as he saw tears pooling in my eyes. "Darling, what's wrong? did I mess it up? We could do something els-"
"No, Rafe. It's perfect. I just feel nostalgic, It still feels exactly the same way it did when we were sixteen, I miss it." I say, my nose sniffling and turning red.
He looked at me with adoration in his eyes as he cupped my cheek, making me look up at his soft blue eyes.
"It's alright, doll. It's normal to miss things sometimes." He says, pausing to wipe a stray tear that fell with his thumb. " Do you remember? That night, we carved out initials on the bottom of this very lighthouse. " He said, pointing at the lighthouse, as he tried to distract me from my tears.
I smiled through my teary eyes and stuffy nose, and nodded. "Yeah, I wonder if it's still there?" I said, wiping of my eyes.
Rafe grins, standing up before pulling you along with him. "It is, look." He says, pointing at the wooden exterior of the lighthouse by the very bottom and it read his initials with a heart between yours.
"Awe, I can't believe it's still here, all these years." I say in shock, bringing my hands to touch the engraved initials.
Rafe smiles and says, "Just like I'll be. I'll be here, with you in all the years to come."
Days have passed and it was finally Christmas Eve. The previous days have been perfect, Rafe surprised me to a candle-lit dinner by the beach, a beautiful day on his boat, and more.
I felt myself falling deeper and deeper. This was the Rafe I originally fell in love with, and he was finally back.
Christmas Eve dawned with thick anticipation. Rafe, adorned with determination, stood by the tree we decorated on the first day, a single rose in hand.
"It's Christmas Eve, doll. Wanna open your gifts?" He says, greeting me with a hug.
I hug him back, inhaling his warm and comforting scent. "Yes! I got you some things too. Let's open together"
Laughter and joy was in the air, it felt lively. Rafe got me four gifts, a photo album with pictures from our teenage years, a beautiful dress, some designing equipment, and a really cute mug with those 3d tulips on the outside.
I was really grateful, we shared stories over hot cocoa as he opened all the gifts I got him. We celebrated the night with some cheesy hallmark Christmas movies and delicious christmas snacks.
Rafe looked incredibly nervous though, halfway through one of the movies. I don't know why, I assumed it was that he drank one to many hot cocoas.
He cleared his throat, taking me away from my thoughts. He gave me a sheepish smile.
"I actually... um" He started, pausing again, "I have another gift for you." He said, his voice quiet and shy, not the usual way that he is.
My eyes widen, "Really? You already gave so much, Rafe!"
He smiles at me, standing up to grab it from one of his drawers.
"I think this will top all my other gifts." He said, sitting back down. I looked at his hand and saw a ring box. I felt my heart skip a beat and my jaw dropping to the floor.
He looks at me with sincerity in his eyes, opening the box, revealing a beautiful ring that's exactly how I like it.
"Look, many years ago... I was really scared. I didn't have the best example of a good marriage growing up, and I didn't want to give that to you in fear that it'd be too hard." He says.
l feel myself tearing up again, damn christmas season always makes me emotional.
"I should've done this years ago, y/n. I shouldn't have let you go, I regretted it day after day. Now that I have the chance, I don't wanna wait for years anymore. What do you say? Have I won you over, darling?" Rafe says, he himself tearing up.
"Will you marry me, for real, this time?" He asks, his body inching closer and closer towards me. The room felt incredibly warm and my heart was beating crazily, Rafe was breathing fast and I could feel the anticipation in the air.
Tears finally fell down my eyes in waterfalls, and I looked like a blubbering mess. I threw my arms over his neck, attacking him in a hug.
"Oh, Rafe. This was all I ever wanted, Yes I will marry you!" I say, pulling apart to look at his face. He was also tearing up, and he had a smile on his face that looked like mine.
"I am so glad you said yes, darling. You won't regret this, I swear on my life. I love you." He says, wearing the ring on my ring finger.
"I love you too, Rafe." I said, crying tears of joy before his lips met with mine.
summary ; you come back to the obx three years later for a work thing, and rafe is adamant on trying to get you back. it's the christmas season ๐ซฃ
warnings ; i don't know ๐ญ THIS IS MY LONGEST WORK EVER? feminine terms maybe. reader is a fashion designer and probs ooc rafe
note! it's december, once again, so i thought why not give losing you a happy ending. part two! I'm in my christmas feels, ill make a part three. you can kinda end it at the first part but christmas feels gets me wanting happy endings so here i am ๐ซฃ
p1
Being back at Outer Banks after three years brings back the good and bad memories. It wasn't just a stroll down memory lane; it was a strong plunge into the depths of shared history. The salt air greeted me, it carried whispers of laughter and echoes of heartache.
My return wasnt purely for nostalgia, I had to be here on a work obligation. One of my clients live here, and apparently needed me here for the whole december.
Figure Eight was decorated with festive christmas lights, the holiday spirit clashing with my uncertainty that lingers in the air. I've debated with myself over and over again, that going back was a bad idea, yet I can't turn down my clients.
Unfortunately, the only hotel by figure eight is fully booked and I have nowhere else left to stay. I thought about Rafe's sister, Sarah, but I don't even know where she is now. We've fallen apart since then and I don't know anyone here, but him.
Taking a deep breath, I swallow my pride and went to the Cameron estate. I repeat 'it's for work' in my head as if it's a mantra.
The place I used to call home, the place where Rafe and I share all kinds of memories. It looked sad, it was the only house around the neighborhood that had no christmas decorations, yet it was still clean.
I compose myself, and knocked on the door three times. I hear shuffling and a slightly muffled "hold on" from the inside. I can recognize his voice anywhere, I only now felt the anxiety rushing back to me.
He opened the door, his hair damp and messy. He was in a navy blue polo shirt, with black shorts and his scent wrapped around me. Rafe smelled fresh and citrusy, my body felt comfort and resentment at the same time.
I muster up a small smile, you can barely even see it. Rafe looks shocked, his eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape. Time had etched its mark on his face, a complex canvas of emotions hidden behind those familiar blue eyes. "You're back," he stated, his voice a mixture of surprise and a vulnerability he couldn't quite conceal. He looked as if he just saw a ghost.
I give him a curt nod. "Yes, for a work thing. The only hotel near here is fully booked, and this was the only place I could think of. I can find something else, if you mind."
Rafe shook his head and opened the door wider. "You can stay, it's just me, anyway." He said, the shock still evident in his voice. I gave him a quiet thank you, smiling at him as I walked in.
The inside felt cold, the ghost of our past danced around every corner of this place. It looked fine, it was obvious Rafe re-decorated and made it more- him.
"Thank you, really, for letting me stay. I didn't know figure eight was such a tourist spot at Christmas." I said, a slight hint of humor in my tone in attempt to lighten up the mood.
He gives a half-hearted chuckle, yet I could sense his guarded demeanor. "Uh, yeah. Ever since I finally took over, I made a few tweaks and this place became a tourist attraction." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
God, he looked so good.
I smile, trying to contain my thoughts. "You're doing really well, Rafe."
He smiles and thanks me. "Anyway, I have to excuse myself. You can take Sarah's old room for the time, you know where it is." He says, grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone, before walking to the door.
"I'm glad you're back, y/n." And with that, he left.
I felt my cheeks getting warm and I sure as hell looked red as a tomato. I think I'm gonna be sick, He looks so good and it's so hard not to miss him. In those three long years, all I could think about was if he was doing well. And I'm glad that he is.
--
Over days that blurred into nights, work obligations mingled with the tentative reconnection between us. Small talk and shared glances became the thread by which we delicately wove our way through unresolved emotions. Rafe's eyes held an unspoken plea, a desire to mend what had been broken.
It has been 14 days since I've been back, and it was already starting to get cold, only 10 days away from christmas. It was midnight at the Cameron estate as I went down to the kitchen to make some hot cocoa. I've been working all day figuring out new designs for this "gala" thing my client is asking for.
I prepared my ingredients, reaching for a mug when I was interrupted by a deep "Hey" from Rafe.
I gasped and held onto my chest. "Jesus, Rafe, don't sneak up on me like that!"
He smiles sheepishly, and mutters a soft sorry. "Sorry, can't sleep. What are you making?"
"Hot cocoa, you want one?"
He replies "sure" and sat by the kitchen island. It's been like this lately, small conversations with tension lingering in the air. It felt like something heavy was being put above our heads, threatening to fall down in a second.
Rafe looks deep in thought as I made his cocoa and mine. His eyebrows always go upward when he's thinking and he gets fidgety with his hands. Until today, I have all his mannerisms memorized. He wasn't someone I could ever forget.
"Y/n, look. I owe you an apology." He says, quietly as he still fidgets with his heirloom ring. His blue eyes carried a mix of regret and sincerity. "You didn't deserve that. My fear pushed away the one thing that mattered the most."
My heart ached, I felt like it was beating a thousand times a minute. "Rafe-" I started, yet he cuts me off
"I wasn't done, sorry. I just want you to hear me first." He says, giving me a pleading smile. I whisper an okay and handed him my special cocoa.
"I knew I would mess it up. Hell, I feel like I really messed up back then. Fear took over me and I thought that it would protect you, but it only hurt you. " He said, his gaze switching from me and the old christmas mugs I bought that he still kept.
"Rafe, it's in the past. We've both grown up and I forgive you, I can never stay mad at you forever." I say, giving him a warm smile and held his hand for a second. He eyed my hand before giving me a half hearted smile.
"In the three years I was alone, I had time to reflect and I realized that some risks are worth taking. " He pauses, standing up next to me.
Rafe was tall, and he towered over me. "I'm sorry for not giving you what you deserved, for being to scared to accept the love you had to offer." He admitted, his blue eyes finally meeting mine. We were less than a meter away and I could basically feel his warmth radiating off of him. and his scent engulfed me like a hug.
"I want to show you I've changed, y/n. I'm willing to do anything, an whatever it takes, to make it right with us." He says, his hand reaching for mine and immediately met warmth. "Come home to me, y/n."
His apology hung in the air, and I stared at him, blinking. I was shocked at how he expressed his feelings, it wasn't something he was open about before and maybe now, he's really doing better.
"Rafe, I accept your apology. But you really did hurt me rafe, and it's gonna take a lot more than this for me to come home. " I say, giving him a tight lipped smile.
What surprised me was the smirk on his face as he looked at me.
"I understand." He says, a smile on his face before getting closer to me. I felt my blood rush to my cheeks at our closeness. The mood definitely changed from emotional to frisky really quick.
"There's ten days left before Christmas, think I can win you back by then?" he says proudly, smirking at me as he maintains eye contact.
I chuckle, "Sure preppy boy. I'd like to see you try."
note! taylor swift inspired again ๐ she is my inspiration. I hope u likieee
I smoothed the skirt of my dress, and straightened my back. It was yet another night forgotten by my boyfriend, Rafe.
It was supposed to be our fifth anniversary. I prepared his favorite meals and wore his favorite black dress, but I can't say I'm surprised. Each year I felt our love fading. Despite all my efforts trying, trying to build it up again.
He just can't commit to me. I wanted to be a bride, and he's out there making his own name. Ever since his father died and left him, he took over the business, which did nothing to help our deteriorating relationship.
I stood up from my chair, the food in front of me was cold along with the untouched silverware that sat and waited an hour and half with me. Another meal, another dress, another day disregarded by him.
Cleaning it all up, I put the food in the fridge and started putting the plates away. Until I heard the door. He walks in with a tired look on his face, and his formal shirt unbuttoned.
He sighs deeply when he sees me putting dishes away. He sits down by the bar, his hand running through his hair until his face, he was obviously exhausted and so was I.
Somehow, Rafe Cameroon still managed to look good while tired and beat up from work. His blue eyes were a window to the blissful memories we had when we were young and in love. The once vibrant connection between you two began to unravel, threads of affection fraying under the weight of unspoken fears.
I stood in front of him, tired of all the times I stepped down and lowered my standards for him. "You forgot." I simply said, monotonously as I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from his hands and pulling it away from him.
He makes a frustrated face at the loss of his alcohol, just as he is confused. "Forgot what? I just need a drink, y/n." He said, his voice deep and weary.
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. "What day do think it is, asshole? Am I the only one to care for this damn relationship?"
He pulls his hand up to rub his temple. He lets out a groan, "It's just Wednesday... 16." Rafe's blue eyes widen as he realizes what is so significant in this day.
I let out a loud sigh, frustrated. I turned my back at him and walked out to our room. He groans again before following after me.
"Look baby, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to forget, I've just been so busy." He tries to resonate, with the same excuse all the time.
"Oh please, Rafe. The same damn excuse every single time, I'm so sick of it!" I said, incredibly upset at his antics.
"Please, baby. I'll make it up to you, whatever you want."
"You always say that! I want to be in a relationship where you don't need to make up for anything, Rafe! Don't you understand?" I cry out, tears starting to pool in my eyes.
"No, you don't understand! I am under so much pressure right now, y/n! And I need you to understand for now." He says, obviously irritated.
I look up at him, with my brows furrowed and my lips pouting.
"Really, for now? We've been playing around like this for a year, Rafe." I say, quieting down. I held onto myself as I felt dizzy, wanting to curl up into a ball and cry my feelings away, but this had to be done.
Rafe looks at me pointedly, about to say something but I beat him to it. "We... We've been through so much, my love. But it feels like we're slipping away, yet we're still at the same place we are five years into the relationship..." I took a deep breath, my voice wavering and tears softly pouring.
"Do you even see a future with me? Were you ever gonna propose to me, Rafe?" I ask softly, trying my best to cover the shakiness in my voice but failing.
"I'm sorry, y/n but you know that's not for me, especially right now with everything going on." He quietly says, His eyes were haunted and distant, actively avoiding mine.
What used to be lit with love and filled with joy, this room was bleak and the air was miserable.
I could feel my heart shattering. I smile at him sadly. "Three years, even before your father died, you've been saying that. Why can't you commit to me?" My voice was shaking, so were my hands. I was sounding desperate, my vision was blurred with tears and the lump in my throat kept forming into something bigger.
He takes a deep breath, walks towards me and cups my cheek, brushing the stray tears away with his thumb. "You know I'm not good at it, never have been." Rafe said, a painful admission of his own shortcomings. The realization hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.
I pull away from him, pushing him with my palm against his chest. "We can't keep drifting like this. I won't settle for uncertainty, Rafe."
"I'm sorry, y/n." He says, out of words to try to mend what is happening.
I let out a hollow chuckle, my eyes still pouring waterfalls. "I wouldn't marry me either, I guess. I just wanted you to see me again."
His eyes softened. "It's not like that, baby. I will marry you, just not now." He says, reaching for my hand.
I pull away. "If not now, Rafe, when? in another five years?" I say, desperate as I gasped for air.
"I mean, why not? If it means still ending up with you I would take the chance, y/n!" He says, his eyes wide and pleading.
I shake my head no, "Rafe, I can't. I cannot keep waiting for a commitment that may never come." I whispered, my heart breaking with every minute that passes.
He keeps muttering no. Rafe understands what this is leading to and it scares him. He looks at me begging, grabbing for my hand. "Y/n, please don't do this. I'll marry you right now, don't leave." He says, his eyes teary and his hair was messy.
I smile at him with tears in my eyes, "Not like this, Rafe. Maybe this is better for both of us." My voice was so quiet because If I was an pitch louder my heart couldn't handle it anymore.
Rafe's once lively blue eyes looked at me with regret, "I'm sorry, baby. please." he says, pleading and almost as desperate as I've been feeling.
I shake my head no, and for the last time, I turned and walked out.
And with that, the fragile fragments of our love slipped through our fingers, lost to the winds of uncertainty and the echoes of unfulfilled promises.
