Me, Myself, and I @vithyahairandmakeup - Tumblr Blog

Being featured in one of UK’s top Asian Bridal Magazine @khushmag is such a surreal moment.

I have been a bridal makeup artist for over decade, and it meant so much to me to be featured in a bridal magazine, creating 80s-90s inspired Bridal looks wearing traditional Kanchivaram Sarees.

Being Tamil, in my late thirties, and not looking like a typical model, I wanted representation. I wanted women to look at this and feel relatable.

I look at this and see the 12 year old who flicked through magazines and recreated looks I saw on there. Never would I have imagined to be featured in a top luxury magazine and not only model, but do my own hair and makeup, and drape the Sarees myself. My inner child is crying of happiness and pride!

This wouldn’t have been possible without an epic team:

Sarees @thekanakavalliedit

Jewellery @vrddhiuk

Stylist @misteek_london from @minyo_weddings

Photography @krish.jkm from @jakobz_media

Videography @flashback_studios_uk

Assistant @rakshana_mua

MOTHERHOOD

For years I have been receiving the question “when will you have a baby?”

When I first received it over a decade ago, I cried myself to sleep. Today, I just answer back with sarcasm.

I have a scarred Uterus, also known as Asherman’s syndrome, over a horrific incident that happened to me in my late teens. I was told then that I would struggle to conceive, but due to my trauma I never looked into it and kept thinking I had time.

On my third date with my ex-husband, he told me he didn’t want children. He gave me a few days to think about it, but I didn’t need to think, I thought it was a great escape. Usually everyone blames the woman for not bearing children, but in this case I didn’t have to explain to him that I couldn’t conceive anyway. I said yes, we got married, and divorced four months later. Not because of this, but good thing it didn’t work out anyway.

I got married again three years later, and in the first ever conversation with my husband I told him if he would be ok with no biological children, as I couldn’t conceive. He fully accepted it and it was much easier for me starting a marriage where I felt accepted and understood.

My husband understood, and to this day my Mother-in-law never pressured me either, but my own mother asks me and demands that I give her grandchildren, when she knows that 5 different doctors from different parts of the world told me that I couldn’t conceive due to my scarred uterus.

I argue with my mother over this on a weekly basis. It is exhausting and upsetting, but I refuse to let it ruin my mood or allow it to get to me.

What is a scarred uterus? Or Asherman’s syndrome? What does it mean?

When a woman becomes pregnant, the embryo implants in the endometrium (uterus wall). The damaged endometrium can obliterate the normal cavity and interfere with conception. There is an increased risk of miscarriage or complications later in the pregnancy. In my case, I have not been able to conceive at all. My embryo doesn’t even get to attach itself onto the endometrium.

Yes, the uterus can be fixed with surgery. Or I could resort to surrogacy (someone else carrying our biological child), or even adopt, if having children was that important to me, but I have learned to live with it and accepted my body a very long time ago, and I simply refuse to put my body or my mind through more trauma.

This blog is by no means to have you feel sorry for me, or pity me. I also don’t want to start getting messages about other treatments or options of getting pregnant.

This blog is for all the women out there who cannot conceive like me, and the women who can conceive but choose not to have children. I absolutely understand both and respect and stand with both.

Why is it that being a mother should define us as women?

I respect and admire alot of my friends who are mothers and do a fantastic job at raising them. Some are housewives and some have a full blown career, and they are both happy and content and deserve a trophy for multi-tasking.

I also respect the women who choose not to have children and focus on their career or travelling or whatever it is that makes them happy and content. They also deserve a trophy, simply because they have to deal with society and our community discrediting them as women for not having children.

Then there are mothers who don’t particularly take good care of their children, who were maybe pressured into having children or are struggling to cope with motherhood. There are so many women in different situations.

As a woman ourselves, why do we judge another woman? Why do we ask them the sensitive question? Why do we pressure them? I deal with it on a daily basis. I personally deal with it pretty well now, but imagine the women who cannot deal with these type of questions? I know of a woman who died by suicide during lockdown because she couldn’t bear the thought of not having kids, as she tried for over a decade. It broke my heart when I heard the news. More so for her husband who adored his wife and was totally accepting of not having children.

We never know what another woman is going through. And asking her the questions “Do you have children?”, “Why don’t you have children yet?” can potentially trigger them and push them over the egde. That question is not out of concern but curiosity, and it’s none of our business what a woman or a couple decide to do.

So let’s make a conscious decision to be more thoughtful, mindful, respectful, and understanding when we meet another woman face-to-face or virtually, and treat them the way we want to be treated.

Sending you all love ❤️

Depression

What is depression? How do you identify it? I get asked these questions on a daily basis, and even though I don't think there will ever be a one word answer, I wanted to share my own battle and journey with depression, in the hope that it may help or inspire others.

When I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 14 and I came and told my parents, their response was that the doctor was an idiot and didn’t know what he was talking about.

Of course I believed my parents and never bothered talking about it again, nor did I even try and explore it further.

Almost a decade later, I was bitter, miserable, unhappy, and just sad all the time. It was like there was never a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

In my mid twenties, it got worse. Life just got harder with the pressure of graduating, finding a job, finding a husband, settling down, having a family. My way of coping with negative situations only got worse.

That is when the thoughts came into my head; wanting to end my life. For years I kept feeling that way, but never found the courage to actually follow through with it.

Then one day, I saw all black. The tunnel closed in on me. I took a pair of scissors and cut my wrist. My Dad found me in the pool of my blood and managed to call the ambulance on time. That entire evening was such a blur. It was like I was watching myself from outside my body. There were no emotions, no nothing. All I saw and heard were my parents screaming and crying not understanding why I did what I did.

I was a 23 year old woman, who did not want to live anymore, and I was surrounded by people who had no idea of how to help me.

I spent the next 5 years in and out of hospital, different psychotherapists, different types of anti depressants, several more suicide attempts, and a nervous breakdown. I lost my job, most of my family and friends disliked me because I pushed them all away, and I was not capable of being in a relationship.

Do you know what I did? I went to the London College of Fashion and enrolled to do a hair and make up diploma.

In the midst of all of that, I wanted to do make up! The one thing I enjoyed since I was a young girl. So I decided to just follow that passion. The only passion. The only thing I felt I was good at. You all know the story of how hard it was to even convince my parents to not pursue a career in science, since I graduated with a Biology and Psychology degree, so you can imagine what sort of stress that also added to my endless list of issues. They simply had no respect for my career choice.

My job is hard, it is very stressful, you work under a lot of pressure. It is not just doing make up on people, but you are running a business. You also have to be patient and tolerant. Qualities I did not possess. I was so focused and driven to pursue my career in this, that I knew I had to figure out how I can learn to cope in negative situations, and not feel like jumping in front of a train at any given opportunity.

The first thing I did was go to my GP and talk. He suggested the right kind of anti depressant for me, and I started off with a low dosage. Most people get so scared of anti depressants, and if you do google it, there are tonnes of pros and cons to taking them. There are also so many different types of anti depressants. You just have to figure out which one works for you.

I am not a doctor, so I cannot describe what is does and how it works scientifically, but all I needed to know was that it numbed the pain, the bad thoughts, the constant negative feelings. Equally I did not feel anything positive either. You feel nothing. I needed to feel nothing. Isn’t feeling nothing better than feeling sad all the time?

Once the medication kicked in, I started seeing a psychotherapist. I know the waiting list to see a therapist is very long, but if you can afford it, just go online and find a local one. Most countries have a listing. The NHS site in the UK has a very descriptive list of therapists; their expertise and experience. You can pick and choose depending on what the nature of your problem is.

I tried several therapists until I found a lady who was just the right type of therapist for me. She taught me coping strategies. How to cope in a negative situation.

I find that with most therapists they get you to talk about your past too much. I understand that finding the source, the root of the problem is key to eliminating the symptoms, but not everyone can handle bringing up the repressed memories of one’s childhood. Everyone suffers from different types of problems.

My mum used to always say “What problems could you possibly have? We have done everything for you, you have a roof over your head, food, warmth, luxury, we buy you everything, why would you be sad?” Of course she was right. But I came from a generation where we didn’t talk about what happened in our childhood. We were wise enough at such a young age, not to burden our parents with things we knew they would never understand. More than that, we didn’t want to tell them things that would potentially hurt them. We tried to protect them by suffering ourselves. Imagine that responsibility being a child?And then what do you think happens 20 years later? We blame our parents for not having been there for us, for not having protected us, for not having saved us from that big black hole inside our head.

But it is not their fault. They never knew, and they were never exposed to the things we have been exposed to in the past two to three decades. Writing this, I do understand that my parents were probably depressed too; they were in their mid twenties when they left a war stricken country and did not speak any european languages, they had no family, no support, and were alone in a foreign country with a completely different culture an lifestyle. I cannot even imagine. But it is something no one understood or talked about then. Their way of coping was work, come home, and not talk about it.

I did learn how to cope eventually. I was able to cope better with everyday things in life, I focused more on my career. I was motivated to build something that distracted me from all the bad things in my life. Some of my friends who have suffered from depression, all found something that made them appreciate life. For some it was having a baby, for some it was gym, and for some it was changing their career.

For me it was my career, IS my career. I put my life and soul into it, and worked hard to be where I am. I am still very critical of myself and still feel I have a very long way to go to perfect my skills, but it is enough to keep me going. Enough to make me feel content and happy.

I know I have a big social media presence, and I come across like the happiest person on earth, who has it all; the expensive lifestyle, the tonne of friends, the travelling and the glamorous events. But I want to inspire people, not show off to them. I want someone to see the benefits in the things I do. And also help someone, anyone, see the brighter side of life. Even if it’s through my morning coffee snaps. I now know that feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. So if my posts can get you out of bed, that is a start.

I want to make a difference. I have not had it easy, and nothing was given to me on a plate. I worked very hard, and suffered painfully, to be where I am today, and to be who I am today.

I hope people can see that through my social media posts.

When I got divorced, my parents thought I was going to try and harm myself again. They were like hawks in my house; constantly watching me, analysing me, and trying to talk to me. It really helped that they understood what I was going through. They understood that this could trigger my depression. As I now strongly believe that depression is a mental disease, and it never really goes away, it lingers, and just waits to attack. I did suffer a nervous breakdown. I did feel suicidal, and I was seeing a therapist again. But after only a few months, did I realise that I did not want to go down that path again. I did not want to take medication nor sit on a couch and talk about my ex husband. Instead I joined the gym, hired a personal trainer, saw a nutritionist, and focused on my inside. I just wanted to love myself. Figure out what I needed, and what would make all this go away. And it did go away. That cloud hanging over my head during the divorce went away. And it was all because I did that. I made it go away, by wanting to live. Wanting to be happy. Desperate to have another shot in life again. Believing that someone will love me, and that I will have a happily ever after. And I did find my happily ever after. In the most unexpected way. I have been happily married for almost 5 years, and it is something I never believed would happen for me. Some things in my past have made it impossible for me to conceive, which was another major factor of my depression too, but over the past decade I learned to accept my body and be content with who I am and what I have to offer. Not being a mother does not define me, nor do I feel less of a woman because of it, but I do have my days when it hurts and when I feel punished. But I am grateful to my husband, and my friends and family who make me feel special and make me feel happy.

We all deserve happiness. But how one achieves that is in no one’s hand but their own. You have full reign, full control of how you want your life to be.

Getting professional help is the first step. And once you understand what is going on in that head of yours, you should be able to explain this to your loved ones, because we all need the support of our family and friends.

When you are depressed you do feel alone and you shut yourself off, but even if it’s just the one person you can talk to, only one, it’s enough. It is better to have one person who you can trust, than a million negative people who are waiting to see you drown.

Even if you have no one you trust, there are so many ways and options to get help today. My close friend Juliet launched an app called AskDoc UK (you can download it on Apple and Google Play), where you can assess your mood and see if you need to do the depression course. It’s all free.

The stigma of divorce, depression, and all the other terms that are taboo in the asian community, need to be addressed. How else are we supposed to set an example to the younger generation if we are encouraging them not to face these big problems?

We all should check what our mental health state is, so that we can also be in a position to help others who may be feeling worse than us.

I might not be able to make someone’s problems go away, but I can surely beautify them just for that one special day, and make them feel like they are worth everything. That is the power of my job, and I find it most rewarding. It is my way of giving back to the world, because we all deserve to feel and be happy. I have been using my platform to raise awareness on mental health for years, and I will continue to do so.

I hope my blog was useful, and whether you yourself are suffering from depression, or know someone who does, then please take the necessary steps to seek/provide help.

Sending you so much love and healing.

Thank you

Vithya

My Decade

My 2010 started with me finishing my one year diploma at London College of Fashion. I was so excited to start my new career with this prestigious qualification at one of the World’s top fashion institutions, but the makeup artist I used to look up to so much then, told me that I would not last long in this field. She broke my heart. And not because I thought I was doomed, but because of how discouraging and mean she was.

Up until that moment I thought I had to prove something to my family, but then quickly realised that I am leaving one pack of wolves - my family of course - to walk into another - this industry!I swore to myself then, that I would encourage and support any other makeup artist along my journey and not be like her. I would like to believe that I stayed true to that to some extent. Whatever she had told me did place some doubt in my heart. Just as a precaution I thought I better apply somewhere and work part time at least. So I applied at MAC cosmetics, who had actually rejected me. They then gave me a call a few months later and asked if I could cover during their busy christmas period. Once I started at MAC, they kept me on and I worked for them for another 3 years. They even offered me the managerial position, the irony.

During the three years at MAC, I was so unsure and so confused in what direction I wanted to go in. It was a part time position, so it didn’t pay well, and I was desperately trying to freelance on the weekends. I would get a client once every few months, who wouldn’t pay me much. Without a car, without a proper makeup trolley, it was agony carrying my suitcase up and down underground staircases and holding onto it with my dear life during packed train journeys. I can assure you, it was not a pleasant experience at all.I tried being part of short movies, worked with the National Portrait Gallery, the Arcadia group (who own Topshop, Dorothy Perkins etc.), fashion shows for Nintendo, and even a shoot for British Airways. But all were unpaid and definitely got me nowhere except for a few phone pictures to add to my Facebook Page.

I would come home after a long day of standing and lugging my suitcase around, and my parents would look at me with judgemental eyes wondering why a science graduate who landed a very well paid job in a huge marketing company, would give it all up to do makeup on people for minimum wages and be treated like a servant?I honestly never ever regretted my decision. Yes it was tough not making money, and spending all my earnings on building a better makeup kit or on my travel, but it gave me life; it brought me happiness, it made me want to get out of bed, and it definitely distracted me from my anti depressants and suicidal thoughts. Being a makeup artist brought me back to life.

In 2013, I quit MAC and took the brave decision to go self employed. I registered my company officially. My freelance work had picked up, and I wanted to free my weekends from working in retail. I wanted to explore more and try out new things.I still remember I had hit 10K followers on Instagram after joining in 2012 and more and more people started to get to know me around the world. Instagram opened up a lot of doors for me.Having lived in Germany most of my childhood, my parents were ok with me travelling to Europe for bridal jobs because I was able to stay with family. I think I was the first Tamil makeup artist back then who travelled to neighbouring countries for work. That was probably one of the best decisions I had made. Travelling around Europe and doing makeup got me exposed a lot more and people who were not on social media knew of my existence.

And as per usual I would still collaborate and work for free with anyone who contacted me. I wanted to get out there and try everything new. During exactly one of these collabs, I was asked to come early morning one day, to do makeup on a male model for a music video shoot. When I arrived that Monday morning I nearly fainted at the sight of Simbu, a very famous Tamil Actor. I was getting my station ready when the makeup artist who was hired for the entire movie did end up coming for this music video shoot. I was gutted. I thought I won’t get a chance to work with him and was prepared to pack up and leave. But the organiser was adamant that I stay and help out. I asked the makeup artist if I could do touch up makeup at least for a few scenes, and she kindly let me. The pictures I took of that moment went viral in South India, and that was the first time people in India started following my work on social media or even knew of my existence.It was also the first time a lot of makeup artists noticed me and can I just say they were not happy with this newbie getting to work with celebrities.

It got worse in 2014 when I was asked to do makeup for another famous Actress, Sneha, for a Wedding Exhibition. To be honest I was very overwhelmed. I did not think I was cut out for the job and kept asking the organisers why not pick some of the more experienced makeup artists. I really was not ready for such a big job. I wasn’t confident.However, the organiser told me that out of all the profiles she had sent Sneha, Sneha herself picked me. That was all I needed. I spoke to Sneha on the phone a week before her arrival, and met her a few days before the show, to discuss the looks and make sure she was happy with everything.Working with her will forever be one of my most cherished moments in my career. She believed in me and trusted me. However a lot of people were absolutely angry at the thought of me doing makeup on someone as famous as her. They could not comprehend that someone as inexperienced, nor established as myself would bag in a job like this. I did understand their disappointment, but was sad that no one seemed to want to support me.

Later that same year, I was asked if I was interested in being a production assistant for two songs from the movie Nanbenda; it was a Red Giant Production acting Udhayanidi and Nayanthara, line produced by Kavino from MYA Media. Of course I know nothing about production, but did not want to turn down this opportunity, so took 9 days off and decided to help out. The shoot took place all over Great Britain with a huge budget and an experience of a life time. I got to personally work with Nayanthara and saw what happened behind the scenes. I made great friends during that shoot, even had the responsibility of finding a castle and two horses for one scene, but went home having to deal with a divorce. Even though career-wise 2014 was a great year for me, but on a personal level I had to deal with a lot of heart ache. And no, it had nothing to do with my career, it was simply bad timing.

The following few years just had me on a rollercoaster to be honest. I tried numerous new things; being a TV host, a judge for dance competitions and beauty peagants, modelling, acting in commercials which never made it on TV, makeup for adverts, short films, magazine shoots, editorials, none were paid of course, until I found a new love for teaching.

I started teaching one-to-one tutorials in 2014 and remember I couldn’t even get two students that December. The following year it grew to 10 students, and in 2016 I had back to back students who were willing to pay whatever I quoted. That I when I made the decision of doing a Masterclass after seeing Mario (Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist) do these around the US. I had no guidelines nor knew how to start. Masterclasses were unheard of in our community. I was the first.I hired a small gallery space, and rented 20 chairs. I had my cousins and friends help me set up and we bought a Kettle and paper cups to serve tea and coffee for everyone. I thought the day went so well, and absolutely enjoyed the teaching, to get a call at the end of that day from my mum crying down the phone telling me that our house got robbed. Well we quickly found out that nothing was actually stolen, but the house just go trashed. A lot of us that night stayed up thinking someone did not want me to do these classes. My high ended with such a low, and got worse when I woke up to a lot of emails from our students complaining about numerous things in regards to my Masterclass. Today, I have taught 16 classes all over the world now with as many as 80 students, and for renowned makeup brands such as Bobbi Brown and Nars Cosmetics. So don’t ever let anyone or anything stop you from what you love and what you are meant to do.

Anyway, the following years have definitely been the best; from campaign shoots for Pothys, being flown out around the world for Bridal jobs, being a panelist and being a Keynote speaker for American Express, working with South Indian Movie celebrities Amy Jackson, Bharathirajah, the beautiful Sneha again, and Meena, being in charge of Makeup for Anirudh’s Concert in London and Paris, interviewed on mental health and published in Huffington Post, and my YouTube journey with my Saree draping video amassing nearly 6 million views. I know this is not work related but me marrying the most amazing human being in New York almost 3 years ago definitely was a huge benefactor in my career too. Happiness does wonders, I tell you.

Either way, none of it came easy. Yes it was hard work, but no one ever publicly or openly talks about the politics and the drama that happen in the industry behind closed doors. How not only do you have to deal with your nerves when working on a big project but you probably have to pray all day that no one tries to sabotage this opportunity for you; that no one talks to the organiser and pays them off to drop you last minute (has happened to me countless times), and hope that no one talks behind your back and invents rumours about you. The best rumour was that my ex husband left me because I was having a relationship with Simbu apparently. When my Bride told me that, my answer was “I wish”. We had such a laugh that day.

My last 10 years taught me so much. I grew on a professional and personal level. I think maturity and experience has helped me deal with a lot of it, and face a lot of it.I have some amazing friends also who are in the same field as me, and I have never stopped encouraging, teaching, or inspiring others who are entering this industry. I want to be that someone I never had 10 years ago. Jealousy, competitiveness, and hate does nothing but destroy. It ruins, and it causes nothing but pain. Fame can be another culprit too. It’s great to want to grow on social media, but do not lose your morals, values, and principles along the way. Once you lose respect, it is very hard to earn it back.

How does one deal with all of this? I used to wonder why some people were so horrible, but then gave up trying to figure out what their reasons were. I still get hate or have situations were other makeup artists try and make it very difficult for me, but the first step was to block a lot of words and people on social media. Of course we want to be liked, and we want to be a good person and set a good example, but do we really need to prove something to someone who does not know you nor like you? No matter what line of business you are, there is going to be competition. There is going to be people around you who are going to watch you like a hawk and copy every single thing that you do. But let that be a positive thing. Let that challenge you to do better, and be better, and get outside of your comfort zone. Focus on your own path and cut out anything or anyone who stresses you out or causes negativity. It really is as simple as that.Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you could do to yourself. Insecurities do not get you anywhere. Have the right people around you who feed your soul with positivity and happiness. And definitely stay away from those who like to gossip about others in the industry. Never healthy I tell you. Trust me, I have been there, done that.

My testimony is to help you see the non-glamorous side of my job, but also see how it has never been easy and still isn’t for any of us. In 2007 I tried to take my life. If anyone had told me then, that in 2020 I will be writing a blog about how to deal with negativity, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am today, doing what I love, loving life, and not being the slightest bit deterred by the few who will always try and bring you down. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and there are hundreds of thousands of you who support me, so surely that has to count for something too. I am so ready to take on the next decade. Are you?

My walk with God

I was 6 years old when my sister burst into tears whilst watching TV one day. I comforted her and asked her what was wrong, and she just continued to cry uncontrollably. I remember getting scared. I was in charge of baby sitting her, and both my parents were at work. Her crying response was “ I do not want to die when I am older”. I was confused. I did not know how to respond to her. I was 6 years old and had no idea what death even meant. All I remember doing was look up at the ceiling and pray to God and ask him to keep my sister alive forever.

I don’t know why at that age I thought God was a male, or why I even thought there was a God at all, because my mother wasn’t very religious, my father does not believe in God to this day, and I have no idea who told me about God and who he is. All I remember from that age is that I used to lie in my bunk bed and stare at the ceiling whilst everyone was asleep and just speak to God. I would have a conversation with him whenever I had the chance. Literally talk to him and give pause as if he was replying to me.

I am 35 years old now, and I still have that conversation with God.

I had a rough teenage patch. I was going through depression and only found out in my early twenties that I was even depressed back then. So as a teenager I had no idea what was going on in my head; why I was sad, or why I would cry randomly. I felt so alone all the time, and so disconnected to the outside world. The only comfort I had was talking to God. However, as I was getting older and my life became more complicated and I was exposed to all the things a teenager naturally goes through, I would blame him, I would blame him for my life and all the negativity in it. I was 14 when I stopped talking to God. I remember I was 18 when I took an overdose and was taken into hospital. I think it was the first time in 4 years I actually talked to him again. I did not ask for forgiveness, I was simply angry and asked him why he kept me alive and why my suicide attempt was a fail!It just got worse from there.

I was born into a Hindu family and raised Hindu. My Dad has 12 siblings, and my mum 7. No one had ever married into another religion. My mum eventually tried to get me to practise their religion, but I kept rebelling and asking a million questions that no one seemed to have an answer to. I was a very angry teenager with a lot of problems I couldn’t share with my family. I tried very hard to be obedient and to allow myself to find discipline and consistency with what my Mum would teach me, but it really did not seem to work for me. Please understand that this is in no way me trying to shame any religion at all. I think religion can be a very beautiful thing and really help shape someone to be a better person. I respect every religion out there. I just think religion is very personal, and one should choose to be who they want to be and practise the teachings that corresponds to them.

I found that in Christianity. I was 25 years old when I converted. Exactly 10 years ago this month. No one came to my baptism, and no one listened to my testimonial. My family and friends did not approve and did not want to attend. But it did not discourage me, as it was a choice I had made for myself, and it was one of the best decisions I had made in my life.

How did it happen? I was at the peak of my depression. I had started therapy after cutting my wrist. I was lost, in a toxic relationship, had no support from my family, and had very selfish friends who kept sucking the soul out of me. I was doing bad academically, and I had no motivation or aspiration towards anything in my life. I was comfort eating and had put on so much weight I would not leave the house because I had no clothes that fit me. And just like that I had someone put a flyer through our letterbox. I don’t usually receive mail, but I happened to walk down the stairs at that particular moment, and picked up the leaflet. It was a flyer about an art exhibition happening in the month of April. I like Art, and I just figured why not go and get my mind off things. I remember it was a Sunday and I walked to the address that was on the flyer. It did mention it was happening at a church, but I had assumed it would be an exhibition in another building. The walk took about 15 minutes, and just when I was entering the road that was tucked away ever so slightly, I saw this beautiful old church that was heaving with people. I immediately felt self conscious and nearly turned around to go back home. I still pushed myself to walk up the stairs to see that to my right there was the art exhibition, and to my left was the entrance to the church and it was packed with a lot of people standing and singing and cheering. I actually decided to turn left and sit in the back just out of curiosity. I immediately found out that it was Easter Sunday, and that entire service actually changed my life! After a year of attending Sunday services, Bible study every Thursdays, and completely studying the Bible inside out, I made the decision to convert. I became a better person, I became more compassionate, I started loving life more. It took a long time, but with the help of religion, discipline, and a lot of love from God I stopped taking my medication and ended my long bad journey of depression in 2013. I do not remember the last time I went to a Sunday Service to be honest, it has been many years. Maybe over 5 years now. But I realised that religion helped me get out of my bad mental state; having the rules, the guidelines, the order, actually helped me get onto a good and straight path. I realised I didn’t need to continue to attend a Service to keep my relationship to God, but instead pray wherever I am in the world and just speak to him and let him guide me and help me.

Looking at my life right now, I am genuinely very happy and content, because I have learned to listen to God, not just shout, cry, and ask him for things, but listen to him. Listening to what he thinks is best for me, listening to him guiding me, and thanking him every day for what I have and who I am.

Whatever religion you are, or whether you choose not to practise, just respect it and show the same respect to others. Faith and belief is a personal journey, so do not disrespect or insult another for believing something you don’t. You may even find flaws with the way I practise my religion, or have an opinion about this entire blog, but all I wanted to do was share my journey and give thanks to God for the world to read. I may be the lousiest christian out there, but what is more important to me is my relationship to God, and no one can ever take that away from me.

I am where I am because of God. I truly believe that. And I hope you have a beautiful walk with God too. If you do not believe in him, that is fine too, just be a good person.

It took a lot for me to share this, and being a Christian is something my family still do not approve of nor accept even after 10 years, so please be kind. This blog is not about religion in particular, it is about my walk with God.

There is no city like London, and no photographer like Soozana Pvan

To Forgive and Forget

For the longest time I wanted to move away. I wanted to leave all my baggage behind and have a fresh new start, or so I thought.

When I moved to Malaysia I felt free, rejuvenated, and happy.

But when I visited London after being away for 3 months, it’s when reality hit me; I realised that I didn’t leave and start a new life, I had ran away from my problems!

Coming back made me realise how many issues I had brushed under the carpet and walked away without solving any of them.

I think whether we get a chance to move or not, we all do that anyway; we like to bury our issues, hold grudges, and dwell on them. It becomes a topic of conversation with old friends and work colleagues, and you move through life thinking you are right and everyone else is wrong.

How wrong I was.

For me my first and foremost problems were with family members. Petty fights years ago that were then enhanced with other family members adding fuel to the fire. Before you know it, years go by, and you still haven’t spoken to people you were once so close to.

You learn to be civil at family functions, but you know deep inside they talk about you behind your back, or I myself end up doing it, thinking all I am doing is defending myself, but no, I am also at fault.

Why do we always expect the other person to apologise first? Or for the other person to be the first to acknowledge you and come and talk to you? Why can it not be us?

Why do we act so stubborn and rope in other people to think and feel the same way as you?

It’s so sad to see this happen when life is so short and blood is meant to be thicker than water.

During my trip to London recently, I reached out to every single family member I didn’t speak to, and tried my best. Surprisingly a simple message and a phone call worked, and I was able to go to sleep with a full heart.

If you have a family member you stopped speaking to, who you were really close to once upon a time, just try and reach out to them. You will be surprised how happy they will be. Because for me, family carries unconditional love, which is probably why we get so easily hurt by them in the first place. Because we care.

Don’t let years go by. Try and be in each other’s lives.

My second issue was people I had known throughout the industry.

When you first start in any career, everyone seems nice, you are also naive and trust everyone too. You want to be liked and you want to connect and network.

However, over time, while you grow, you realise that some people might have their own agendas for being friends with you, they might not be trustworthy, or you realise that you both have nothing in common and slowly part and go your separate ways.

The worst one is when you are in the same field, you become super close because you think you can relate, but then realise in the end you both or one of you, are/is competing with/against each other.

The above sadly happens in every line of work.

You just need to remember to be grateful, as every single person, who came into your life and left, would have taught you a lesson.

I have met so many people in my 10 years as a Makeup Artist who have been Gurus, Mentors, and provided so many great opportunities for me, but equally I met so many people who have really used me and hurt me. I think a lot of people would agree that they have faced similar.

What I take from it all is the good, only the good. Why? Because I met way too many amazing people in this industry who have become more than friends to me, and that should outweigh the bad experiences right?

Whether we fall out or are still best buddies with people at work, they deserve the thanks for making an impact in our career. What they do in their personal life should never ever be associated with their business. Whether we get on with them or not, if they are awesome at what they do, they deserve that respect.

My third issue was people on social media. Do you see people on social media whom you have never met, but you decide to dislike them and judge them, simply based on their posts and stories? I am sure some people feel that way about me and my posts. I have done that myself. It becomes a norm. And before you know it, a lot of people decide to do the same and then you have discussions about why people behave the way they do on their social media platform. But who are we to judge? Yes we may feel we don’t like the way they present themselves or we may not be able to relate to them, or we may not feel like they inspire us or teach us anything.

But does that make them bad people?

Or just because someone knows them personally and tells you rumours, do you believe them?

Fixing this issue was not the easiest.

I simply contacted all the people I knew on social media whom I may have judged, and even decided to dislike based on what other people told me. I wrote a message and actually apologised. It really wasn’t easy, and I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. I was so anxious on how it would be received.

If you have ever felt the same, then maybe you should try and do what I did. I cannot promise you that you will feel better, as some of these people’s responses may not be pleasant, or some might not even respond, or you will be surprised at how beautiful their responses may be and it will give you that closure you seek.

As long as you do it without any expectations, you will be fine.

You do not know them, and they do not know you, so it shouldn’t matter what they think. But it should matter how they feel, and you shouldn’t be the reason for them feeling negative or bad about themselves.

Social media is social media.

It can be good and bad.

Just don’t bully each other in real life, I guess!

Anyway, what I would like everyone to take away from this hopefully, is that sometimes people might not like us, and we have to accept it and it’s ok.

All we can do is be good and be kind to people.

Being back in London was very hard. I had some bad experiences this time and genuinely felt like I was thrown in the deep end and had to face my demons. I finished my trip by trying to forgive myself, because if we don’t forgive ourselves and learn to love ourselves, we will never be forgiving or loving with others.

I am still working on this by the way, but I recognised the early signs, and simply did not want to fall back into depression.

I am not perfect, in fact I am not always a good person either. I am trying, and sometimes I feel guilty for not trying harder, so this blog is me trying harder, letting my guards down and admitting to my faults.

Wish I did that at the beginning of my trip.

You may or may not be able to relate.

You may feel sad, upset or even bitter about an ex boyfriend, or an ex best friend. Closure is key. Without it, we will just let that painful seed of bitterness grow in our hearts, and before we know it, it will take over and change who we really are.

You do not need to let them back into your lives and expect things to be the same as before, but to forgive and to forget can be a very very satisfying and fulfilling feeling.

Thank you for reading this open blog. It was very hard for me to write. It took me almost a week to complete. I re-read, re-wrote, and shared it with close friends and family before posting. It’s never easy to share the bad sides of you.

So please be kind, and hopefully you can learn or be inspired from my own mistakes.

Thank you so much

Vithya

Protect yourself from harmful rays 365 days a year with these potent sun creams

#skincare

The chance to start all over again...

When do you ever get the opportunity to start all over again? You cannot wipe out your past, or your regrets, but what if you get an opportunity to move somewhere you had never imagined you could move to, walk away from people you thought you never could, and still continue your career as if nothing has ever changed. I am not trying to boast, but I think all I am trying to say here is be brave and just take that chance. Just take the leap.

My husband and I had a small intimate wedding last week, and everyone who came kept asking how I feel and will I be sad and will I miss London or the people? My answer to every question was “no way” with a pulled face.

I love London and I will miss my family and friends, but getting away from my past and negativity was more of a priority to me.

Having suffered depression most of my life, the public divorce, and a lot of drama with people I grew up with in the industry was reason enough to move to any corner in the world and start all over again. The best part? I get to be and live with my best friend, my husband. Why would I ever be sad about leaving then?

Of course not everyone gets this opportunity, and a year ago I didn’t think I would be moving. I did try and get my husband to move to London instead. What did I do then to live a normal life? I had to unfollow a tonne of people who stressed me out on social media and who made me feel inadequate or insecure, I had to cut out family who used me for comparison all the time and say horrible things out of jealousy. I had to stop being friends with people who used me as a punching bag. I had to professionally distance myself from people in the industry who tried to use me to climb up the ladder or try and sabotage my career.

The few people I had held onto were the people who came to our wedding, who knew how much they mean to me, and how much they have been there for me over the last few decades.

Let us forget the people in our lives for a second, let us think of our life and our situation. What can be done about it?

Something? Great, go do it.

Nothing? Then great, just get on with it.

We forget to realise how much of our life situation happens in our head. How we react and how we feel is up to us.

I could easily sit here and feel miserable that all my friends and family have travelled back home now, that I am in a foreign country with a language I do not speak, completely relying on my husband who travels a lot for work, and having no friends or family here. I live in this big apartment and struggle to sleep at night, I cannot talk to anyone back home due to the time difference, I miss my Dad so so much. Yet, I am telling myself every day that this was a choice I made, that I am so excited to be here, and that my life will be even better. And that I am finally not lonely anymore.

So if you do get the opportunity to just pack your bags and leave, and start all over again, then do it!

If you don’t, just pack up all the negativity in your head, throw all those unwanted people in your life in there too, and just throw it in a deep abyss. Wake up tomorrow and decide to be a better you and a happier you.

Just like me.

Who do we need approval from?

I come from a Generation where my childhood did not include smart phones. If I wanted to get anywhere, I had to look at an A-Z map, if I wanted to hear someone’s new music, I had to go out and buy the cassette or CD, if I wanted to buy something, I had to jump on a bus and go into an actual store, and if I wanted to meet someone it would be at school, work, or in a club.

Now, where do we meet or make friends?

School, college, university, work, or anywhere where you would physically see someone, get into a conversation, see if you guys have anything in common, and voila, you become friends. And over time you become close friends or best friends. How do you keep in touch? You meet up, you have phone conversations, you invite each other to special events, whatever it is, but it does involve effort, no?

These days, we make friends online.

Let’s talk about social media; You follow someone, they follow you back, you both comment on each other’s posts, like each other’s posts, send each other private messages, but you never meet each other, and in fact you don’t really know anything about each other. Does that qualify as being friends?

So if one day you realise you actually do not have anything in common with them, you cannot relate to their posts, you don’t particularly like their views anymore, and you unfollow them, should you feel guilty?

Should you feel guilty for unfollowing someone you don’t even know, and have never met?

I was confused about it for a long time. I think I still am. I don’t understand why there is a norm when it comes to social media and the kind of unwritten rules and regulation we have to live by. But according to who? Who do we need approval from?

I love how social media brings people together, helps small businesses, and also allows us to have a closer peek at our role models/idols, or find things that inspire us in everyday life. But what confuses me is that people take social media that seriously that they get offended easily, or that they categorise/judge you based on what you post, how many followers you have, and what others think of you in the virtual world.

I have had my ups and downs with social media. Social media helped me grow my business, it helped me reach out to an international audience, it helped me share a lot of personal stories in the hope of helping others, it helped me connect. It even led to my now-husband finding me via YouTube. But it also allowed social media bullying and harassment, it allowed the spread of my public divorce, it allowed me to become public property to an extent, and it allowed the falsification of my persona.

As with everything in life, I think we should take the good and the bad. And learn from every situation. But please do not feel like you need validation from an online platform. Let us use it to spread love, knowledge, wisdom, and positivity...

...who we follow or not follow, and who follows us and does not follow us, really shouldn’t matter guys. Your REAL relationships in life matter a lot more. Approval and validation should come from you, do not give anyone else that power over you.

When Andigraphy wants to do a Fashion Editorial shoot

The Not-So-Glamorous Life of a Makeup Artist

About 10 years ago, unless you saw a physical portfolio, a certificate to prove your qualification, a website, or someone recommending you, no one would even know who you were.

Actresses, Celebrities, Models, even Bridal Magazines would usually not credit a makeup artist, and makeup artists 10 years ago relied on word of mouth.

Today, we have social media.

Many of you who have followed me since 2008 will know how hard I have worked to get to where I am today; Carrying a suitcase up and down public transport to get to a client booking, standing in the rain trying to google map the location on my iPhone 1, getting paid bare minimum for half a day, waking up at crazy hours and having 12-15hr days without having ate or drank, being looked down upon by Asian parents as they don’t respect your career choice, and after all that effort and dried tears you try to figure out when you will get your next booking and whether you will be able to afford your bills for that month.

The day I joined Instagram in 2012 is when things really picked up for me. I used my platform as a portfolio and started sharing my work, but then quickly figured out that I should share a lot more of me too to strengthen my brand and come across approachable and professional.

Of course I made my fair share of mistakes and my customer service was more based on personal emotions than professional etiquette. I would take things far too personal and get very upset. I didn’t realise that my brand and my private life should be separate, it is something I understand more today, but it took many painful years in the industry to get to this point of my career.

I have had more experienced makeup artists try and sabotage a booking for me, I have had people be inappropriate with me, I have had trolls attacking me on social media, I even had clients who treated me real bad and made me cry on a job.

But this is the side that no one shares.

And it is not because they are ashamed or embarassed, not at all, it is because it is not professional to do so.

Out of the hundreds of bookings a year, I have shared and posted the odd bad experience, because I am human after all and it is important to stand up for yourself at times. I try and not moan or complain, instead I try and show how I overcome such situations.

But let me ask you one question:

If you get booked for a big bridal job, and after you post your Bride’s pictures online, another Makeup Artist posts on her social media that she was meant to get that same Bride ready and claims you stole the Bride from him/her, what should you do?

And for those reading these posts and wondering who is telling the truth, should you just not do the simple thing of asking the Bride/Wedding planners directly who and why they chose the makeup artist she had for her wedding?

Is that not common sense?

Would it make a difference if that Bride is a celebrity? Should it?

A booking is a booking. A job is a job!

If you get booked, be professional, do your job.

If you don’t get booked, still be professional, and focus on your next job.

The difference between an experienced makeup artist and that of a non-experienced makeup artist is exactly that; PROFESSIONALISM.

So sadly amongst all the people you meet in the industry, there will be at least one person who would want your career so badly, they will wait patiently to pounce when an opportunity arises. And that opportunity will open the gates to all the other people who would have also waited patiently just so they can try and get a piece of you too.

Am I making you want to become a makeup artist yet?

No one can say to me that all they see on my social media is a happy and spoiled girl with a glamorous and luxurious life.

I have had my fair share of hospital visits, therapy sessions, anti-depressants, a public divorce, and now experiencing the first biggest social media bullying in my entire career.

My career is not as glamorous. Never was, and never will be. My job is meant to be fullfilling, rewarding, and inspiring.

And the feeling of how many women I have made happy on their wedding day with my makeup skills, how many women I have inspired with my YouTube videos, fashion blogs and skincare tips, how many makeup artists I have mentored and supported by doing shout outs or hiring them for jobs, and how many women’s lives I have saved with my personal stories on my blogs, outweighs the negativity I get on social media at times.

So if you want to become a successful makeup artist, you don’t just need the talent, skills, and a kind heart, no, you definitely have to have thick skin and a strong personality, otherwise these hyenas will eat you alive.

I will always be here to lift you up! I promise x

And WON'T dry you out.

This shot is just EVERYTHING

By Nevin Photography from Betterfilms

Photography Concepts By Nithy

Styling Prim in My Pumps

#torontomasterclass

Why I am moving to Malaysia

Most people get to December before they talk about the year, but in my case, I am already preparing for my eventful year as I know it will be September before the blink of an eye.

Why September to be specific? Because I am already predicting to be very Homesick that month.

Now let us rewind to how it all began.

I was born in Sri Lanka, raised in Germany until I was 14 years old, and have lived in London for the past 20 years.

To be honest, I thought I would never move out of London. I love this city, its culture, its history, and just the lifestyle. I love how you can be whoever you want to be be, despite your background, religion, or status.

But what good is London to me, when I work like mad; never see my own family who I live with, always miss birthday parties and family weddings, and meet my friends maybe once every three months who live in the same city.

Living in London clearly had it’s downfall too. People live a very hectic life here, which I used to love, until I would need 2 whole days to recover from a night out. I was getting old.

After my public divorce, and no one being interested in dating me after that, I was convinced I would never marry again (well not that I didn’t want to, just thought it won’t happen for me again). Then one day, whilst at a job in Cardiff, Wales, I receive an email from a stranger that caught my attention. Why may you ask? It was an email to my business email address, titled “Pancakes and Waffles”. Now would you not raise your eyebrows and open immediately?

That beautiful and intriguing email, led to a few exchanges, and then exchanging phone numbers, and still communicating without even having seen a photo of him. I was hoping his WhatsApp profile photo would help, but he had no picture on it. Eventually he sent me a photo, and I had to FaceTime him, to verify it’s authenticity. Haha

May I just add, that he is one very handsome looking Man!

Well, these FaceTime chats, led to me meeting him in San Fransisco six months later, and us getting married that same year in New York.

It was a crazy whirlwind romance, that ended up with me moving to Malaysia.

Yes, the hubby had to leave the States due to Trump making it difficult, and I couldn’t have him in London, due to Brexit making it difficult. We were just very unlucky. Never thought Trump becoming president and Cameron’s Referendum would directly impact me, or us for that matter. So he had to move back where he was from, and that is the beautiful country Malaysia. Penang to be exact. He is a Penangite. And yes, he is Tamil.

I have had my fair share of panic attacks, about the thought of moving to a country that has a very different system and lifestyle to what I am accustomed to. But my love for Asia, the culture, the tropical feel, the weather, the food, and the people, made me snap out of it. Waking up to a beautiful man with a view of palm trees and having fresh coconut water everyday, why the hell not?

I think with life, it is easy to be set in your ways, and to be too attached to a routine. We all love comfort, which does in turn stop us from doing many things.

I was sad for a number of years, lonely, and just lived like a robot. I am excited to take the brave move to venture out, and try something new. And to also be optimistic. I also know that nothing is absolute and has to be that way, so you never know? Husband and I may move back to London, or move to Australia, or even build a little hut by the beach in Fiji, and live happily ever after.

I have had many people ask me about my move, so I figured I will write a blog about it, but I also wanted to help people who have faced a big move like this, and have also felt anxious and scared. Trust me, I am feeling all those things too, but ultimately it is your choice, and when you have made that choice to be with the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then why not?

I know I will be homesick, after my Hindu Wedding in Penang, when all my cousins and friends and parents leave to go back home. I will be left in a new country, with my husband working and travelling a lot, and me not having any family or friends out there. So it will be a complete new start and a complete new life for me. But I am still very excited and embracing this big change. I believe that everything happen’s for a reason, and I really want to leave my baggage behind, so I am very hopeful that this move will make me a better person.

I will vlog my move, and will show you as much as I can about life in Malaysia and its lifestyle. Looking forward to taking you all along my journey.

Hope you all have an interesting year ahead too.

with love

Vithya

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