Fat = Wrong
I have been fat for a few years now. Mostly since I can remember. It was first the pinches on my forever red cheeks by aunt and relatives, then I was puffy, told I’d be a doctor (apparently in southern Italy doctors were fat and I always got the skinny ones) for my over the norm body size. My parents were concerned, but money was tight and they never really encouraged me to do some sport. When I was 10 was already difficult to find trousers for me. My mom has always felt ashamed of me, saying that I was problematic. That is the start of my struggles with fat shaming, the real core of my world. Everyone had an opinion on why I was fat. My brother and grandparents blamed my mother for being too tender with me, uncles and aunts tried to explain that I shouldn't eat that much and were always generous with compassionate looks. I grew up with the idea that being fat is wrong, no matter what. No one cared to track down the issue to the roots. I was fat and all they talked about was diets for me. It doesn't take much to realise this was the first and deep crack to my self esteem building process. Then, school and puberty, the living hell of every fat kid did the rest. I always felt unwanted, by my family, by my class mates. I was the last one to be picked up when it was the time to divide us in teams and I was always considered the burden. If we lost, my mates were always quick to say “yeah we practically were one less than you”, if we won it was a miracle, because I was not useful to the cause apparently. Then I asked myself, why play? So I stopped. The years coming  were pretty dull, with me perceiving myself as ugly and rejected by the whole world. I even dieted once and lost 15 kilos but gained all back with the interests since I did not realise why I needed to shed pounds but just did it to please those around me. Therefore here I am, fat as usual and with all the marks on my skin and soul of how destructive is to perceive someone just by his appearance. The results of all this years of fat shaming are now visible in my behaviour as I am extremely shy and introvert, suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and anxiety. I wanted to share my storyy just to contribute to raise a bit of awareness on how there’s always more beneath the surface.