◀┊◟ ❛ iron &wine

DUAL gangsta. muse / 07XX18

[voulatile]

i’m still here guys. my birthday just passed and work is starting up so i’m trying to get the hang of it before diving back into rp. thanks for being so patient! my discord is: kumomi#0013 if you need me o/

[voulatile]

“If you could be with me, would you?” ( alex to nic )

memories have eaten him up wholeheartedly and devastatingly. they’re a plague on his lifetime, and he owes the most popular manifestations — ticks and fidgets — to her. bits and pieces of her are shoved into every nook and cranny of his mind. 

eye contact. what is the baring of the soul?voice. what’s another thing he’s missing?fall. what is the season of alex’s skin?there is no word for it. how can i save you?

no one believed that he would live this long. long enough to meet someone like her and unravel the complexities that made her who she was. long enough to feel alive in the most humanistic of ways, to fall in love. 

he knows his answer to it.

it’s dripping off the tip of his tongue and he aches to tell her, but he can only offer hesitation. because he knows he’s been selfish up till now. because every time he looks at her, he wants to remember. because every time he holds her, he wants her to know that he cares—that he loves her. so he lies in the silence between them.

he’s no stranger to it, it’s a friend he invites in all the time but this visit hurts him. he loses to this kind of silence. because it’s kind that engulfs; the kind that drowns; the kind that erupts from a chasm in the very depths of his gut. churning and twisting until he’s full of knots. all blank stares and weary eyes, bogged down by feelings he doesn’t have names for.

he’s been holding onto whatever they had for something years too long, knowing he would ruin it if he stayed (god knows, he’s overstayed his welcome with this). he knows he’s been prolonging the inevitable by being greedy for her. he doesn’t deserve to be selfish anymore. because he couldn’t afford lose her the way he lost everyone else. she didn’t deserve to go through that, to suffer and to hurt, especially if he had a say in it.

so he saves her by going against every fiber of his being that yearns to be with her. he saves her by breaking his own heart. he saves her by lying.

“no.”

[lifeinpoetry]

A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort.

Gillian Flynn, from Sharp Objects (via lifeinpoetry)

[dicennio]

—  no matter how determined the rest of you are, we, the twilights, won’t be able to survive

nicolas brown requested by anonymous

[voulatile]

luckyfae‌,

     a repetition of his words makes her think he really didn’t mean to, but she doesn’t mind. faye’s got a BAD habit that she can’t break, she’s running again but she hates the idea of BEING tied down to people. she wasn’t a KITE flying high anymore since she’s being WEIGHED down by thoughts of them. this would be the first time she REGISTERS shock, eyes widen in surprise as he takes her offer. the men always leave first, between BROKEN promises & sweet whispers until they are just a CLOUD of words that are quick to disappear. faye never really UNDERSTOOD that, so he’s the first to come back. ❛ it’s okay, ❜ her voice is a QUIET breeze that remains gentle. 

     she’s used to this since she’s always NURSING spike to health, it’s akin to raising a PLANT, waiting for it to grow. so she wonders if he’ll really be okay to walk away like this. ❛ faye. ❜ she doesn’t know why she tells him her name, but she does. maybe she doesn’t want the silence to be the SEA that keeps them connected for long. maybe she’d like to REMEMBER him, she doesn’t think she can forget the way his EYES look as if they’d seen everything, a quietness that speaks VOLUMES. neither could she forget the PEAK of a scar she’d seen. it’s LIGHTNING leaving its mark, striking to MEMORIALIZE another memory of a fight gone wrong.faye wonders how many he’s gone through & if they always leave him on a verge of life & death. ❛ your shirt? ❜ faye doesn’t mind crossing BOUNDARIES but she doesn’t know him. it was a chance ENCOUNTER that had her shaking with her life. she’s never had great luck. ❛ we have horrible luck, but maybe it’s not so bad since we ran into each other.❜ 

the expression she offered to him and the softness in her voice had convinced him that his choice to stay was the right one. a small victory in regards to his many losses when it came to people–strangers specifically. he adjusted his position and removed his tattered shirt, offering his wounded limbs to a comfortable extent so she wouldn’t find difficulty in dressing his bandages. it was the little things that showcased his manners despite his distant demeanor that perpetually clung to him as a whole. his eyes fell on her movements and, out of respect, he avoided exchanging eye contact. it was evident when he looked at her, unabashed with his glaringly obvious observations. the way she tended to his injuries–the proficiency. he wondered if she had been through similar situations like him to obtain such a skill. 

when her lips moved to give him her name, he followed with the movements of his hands to reveal his own.【 nicolas. 】he wondered why a normal would help. she could have easily let him go, let them become passing strangers that fell into a forgotten past. they were merely acquaintances; they were strangers who knew each other without really knowing each other. he didn’t know why faye was so kind to someone like him–he didn’t ask. he left her afterthought unanswered, but he too believed that lady luck was kind to him that day when faye asked him to stay.

[voulatile]

fukogi,

     his words were a proverbial knife that had stabbed at her heart constantly, the fractures now became fissures that had no means of closing. if his plan was to murder her in the cruelest way possible. it worked. death cloaked her, darkness now painted the sweet disposition as she canted her head to the side. sanity had fallen off and the devil had come. only madness ran amok in those flat eyes, the type of madness that leaves no one unscathed. the vision played out before her was him being verbally abusive to her, while she was the meek kitten who had tried so hard to please.

          ‘ you gave me a key. ’

     she repeats the statement with a stubbornness that does not match her victimizing thoughts. another step closer, a hand shot out to grab his wrist as the smile that was previously on her face had warped into something else entirely. a caricature version that was tainted with blight and rot. a corner of her lips lifted into a snarl but with the remains of fabricated happiness is in there. 

         ‘ you’re such a fucking idiot, this is what i do for you and you have the fucking nerve? YOU’RE SO SELFISH. SO FUCKING SELFISH. ’  

     with her free hand, she balls it into a steady fist which no sooner rained down on his face without remorse. one acts as handcuffs as the other implements punishment, knuckles touch his soft skin over and over. until it is bruised and battered to her liking. in a way it was sensual – this was intimate for her at least, her mind on overdrive to alter things. this was for him, this was the proof of her love. this was love in it’s purest form.

        ‘ i do this because i love you. ’   

                        it’s said in between hits and gasps, this was ecstasy.

to see perspective through her eyes were far from capable. nobody in their right state of mind could ever have the mental capacity to even comprehend her actions, her reasonings, her. her eyes lost all emotion and if he had to describe it, he was looking at a corpse. catherine wasn’t catherine anymore. perhaps she never existed in the first place. she was so far gone in the black hole that was her sanity and it was as if he was getting pulled into it along with her.

”i did not— !!“ 

before he could finish, a flurry of knuckles pummeled into his face. one after the other. the sudden violence was more so surprising than painful and he found himself defenseless. frozen in shock, it took two or three hits for him to register what exactly had happened. in attempt to jerk her away from him was useless, her nails had pierced into his skin. sharp daggers into bruised flesh like a predator successfully capturing its prey. 

even with an arm attempting to barricade, the effect did not falter the force of her punches. he could taste the blood in his mouth, the stinging pain spreading from one swelled cheek to the other, the vision blurring in his right eye. “catherine, STOP. this is insane! you DON’T love me!” this was not love, this was nothing like love. this was a stepping stone to murder.

she was a lion that pounced onto its prey—the lamb, him.

[voulatile]

acontract,

“ ah…  —— are you alright?! you’re bleeding! “ crimson flows , it reeks ( all too familiar an odor ) & though he displays a fabricated woe , alert is ( internally ) more prominent. what attack occurred was not normal & he rushes toward the other , scanning through peripherals any sign of malicious intent before returning a gaze toward the wounded. “ what happened here? “ 

“ah it’s nothing serious. please don’t worry.” he keeps it curt in hopes of avoiding the stranger’s concern (and more so his second question), shorter answers meant less room for interrogations. there’s an inevitable hiss that seeps through his clenched teeth when he grazes his wound, a burning sensation lingering to reveal that there’s a contradiction to his words. 

[voulatile]

scarlctta,

    his refusal to move only brought more rage to her heart   ,   why wouldn’t he let her fight someone   ?   she didn’t want to hurt him but it just kinda happened   ,   she couldn’t hold in her anger for much longer   (   it was overflowing out of her petite being   )   .   she suddenly screamed   ,   releasing her frustrations in a different form since she was aware of the physical pain she must’ve brought him   .   but she wasn’t done   ,   no   .   she had to keep going   .   she had to keep fighting   . 

    her punches declined   ,   her strength was diminishing   ,   she had used up the leftover energy when attempting to move him   .   how upsetting   ,   what kind of menace used up all of it’s energy during a temper tantrum   ?   she really was just a child   ,   wasn’t she   ?   his embrace to stop her was in vain for a moment   ,   she struggled   (   kicking up whatever rage she had left   )   but only for a minute   .   eventually scarlet just gave in   ,   allowing him to hold her tired figure   .   ❛   i   .   .   .   i have to hit   .   .   .   ❜   her mind was still going but her body wouldn’t let her   .   she was still angry   ,   but there was no way she could express it   .   she just knew she had to keep going   ,   no matter what hurt her   ,   she had to stay strong   &.   fight   .   ❛   let me   .   .   .   ❜

there was only a vibration felt when he held her close, the screaming left him unfazed as sound was not a familiar visitor. it simply reverberated against his body and his response was to bring her closer to him. his hand shifting from the dip of her back to her shoulder blade—reassurance in its physical form. he had wondered if she was too far gone in her anger, too far to be brought back. 

it was only when she ceased her tantrum that he loosened his hold. his hands lingered on her shoulders to reaffirm her of his notion. a mix of concern and worry was left prominent on his face as he answered her, voice like gravel and low in bass. “no, red. no more.” his response was not to deny her but to help her begin to heal, to understand. and it was evident when he finally spoke to her—voicing his opinion for the first time.

[benriya-san]

Marco thinking about Connie in Chapter 37

[voulatile]

fukogi,

     confusion. shame. but most of all hurt. yes, she was hurt. the feelings swarmed in her like a whirlpool, unrelenting and abysmal. was he not happy to see her ? what great lengths did she have to do to get his approval ? she did everything in her power to be exactly everything he could love, even lust for. was he not appreciative of the white nightwear worn for his viewing pleasure ? a sheer garment that gave little to the imagination with a cute pink bow where it dips into her ample chest. the sight of skin was a focal point and meant for his eyes alone. yet expletives were thrown at her like the stones thrown at jezebel. or maybe he’s tired, that had to be it. this was both of their saving grace: her illusions.

     a cloyingly sweet smile now pulls at her lips, eyes soften around the edges as she sashayed towards him. the distance was an annoyance and being close would ease the tension that had built between them. 

          ‘ sweetie, you’re so tense ! don’t you remember you gave me a key ? ’  

     a lie. a good lie, for she locked her gaze with his. there was not a moment of hesitance or brief fear for her to dwell on. for one skill that catherine was good at was the manipulation of her own memory, she’d alter everything to her design even the actions of others. it’s what kept her small garden safe from disasters, it allowed flowers to thrive. even the malicious weeds.

          ‘ i came here for you.’ 

he felt absolutely sick but he could not look away. an almost-stranger stood in his home, uninvited and practically half naked. how long was she in his house for? what was she doing in his home before he got to this point? god only knew and it almost made him want to vomit at the sheer possibilities. he felt so violated, so disgusted, so fucking livid. fingers furled into his palm, knuckles turned white and his expression twitched, red splotches all over his face.

                                                       calm down, marco, calm down. 

a repeated mantra that soon lost its hold on him the longer he stood there, frozen. ‘you gave me a key’. he very well knew that was a god damn lie. those are his talents so her lies were child’s play. as she closed on in, he took one step back before stopping in his tracks. no, do not back down on her, do not let her lead you into a corner. 

“i did no such thing. there’s only one key and it’s in my hand.” 

his hand that held them followed suit of his other hand, gripping it so tight to display his anger. “so you break into my place?!” and here is how it all went to shit, here is where he knew what was going to happen but he. was. just. so. fucking. pissed.

“you’re a fucking psycho.”

[purreorangenes]

Visit Original Link

[voulatile]

vagaery,

“ — OH ! that book …. ! where did you find it ?? i’ve been looking everywhere ! “ hana nearly yelled , just barely keeping an inside voice while tilting her head back to look at the cover once more. 

yup , yup; it’s been on her monthly books - to - read list , though it’s been a challenge to even obtain said book. she didn’t believe there was others who had the same interest in books , so the female was quite intrigued.

“ is it good ?? there’s no description on it or anything … ahh , but i want to read it anyway ! “

page by page, he turned with fingers dancing between the crisp edges. a book that conveyed things he never thought were possible into words made him completely enamored and blind to the world around him. nicolas never took a moment to notice strangers that walked by, so the thought of being approached was even further from his mind. it wasn’t until he placed the book down to take a sip of his drink, he noticed the girl. confusion set in and he signed to her in order to remedy it. 

【 did you say something? 】

[voulatile]

cont. / @luckyfae

          she’s slept for more years than she can count on both hands, she could sleep even longer, but maybe she’s WORRIED. her sleep is LIGHT DRIZZLE, any noise could stir her to alertness. so she’s not really irritated this time around. pine eyes shift towards him like trees being swayed by the wind. faye wonders if the time of night or that they are simply strangers that ROUSES the icy heart she claims she has. maybe it’s easier because he simple does not belong to her CREW. maybe she just couldn’t leave a guy who helped her out. faye thinks of theRESIDUE of gunpowder, the STEEL of sword & the stench of BRINY air. violence is familiar picture in shady areas that faye doesn’t flinch. a shake of her head since she’s being CONSIDERATE.  ❛ are you leaving ? ❜  faye straightens up, crossing her legs over the other before blinking a few times at nic. in the dim lighting she makes out the METAL gleam of his tag, it was a searchlight that made her focus on it.

         ❛ you should let me dress your bandages again, i don’t give out CHARITY to just anybody.❜ faye echoes that sentiment to not appear SOFT, softness is never rewarded in this world. this world will WIDEN its jaws before taking with it’s INSATIABLE hunger. she wonders if they would meet again, aren’t two PEOPLE meeting by chance just stars being connected by constellations ? sometimes it can be made out and sometimes it disappears into the darkness of the night sky. fingers reach out for the roll of bandage on the table before moving it side to side in her grasp. so if they don’t meet again, at least he’d blend in the crowd with a tended wound.

his initial thought is to never overstay his welcome; it’s something he’s never been accustomed to, something he can’t sit well with. to rest was a privilege he couldn’t afford and the more he contemplated on leaving (especially without being noticed), the more appealing it became. nicolas was never fond of goodbyes. but with blood loss and exhaustion blurring his concept of time, he loses track of how many minutes and hours he had consumed at her place. 

it’s when he finally decides to step out the door, he regrets not leaving the minute she fell asleep as he finds himself unsuccessful at his attempt in stealth. when she questions his departure, there’s a pause and all movement momentarily stops. nicolas avoids the question with a misdirected apology, 【 i didn’t mean to wake you. 】. he doesn’t know how to answer without being riddled with more questions, it was something he never enjoyed taking part in. little time is given before he could depart with his curt answer when she speaks again. there’s a tone to her suggestion that offers him a sense of familiarity and he sees himself in her in that moment. it humors him, so in turn—he humors her and accepts before returning to her side. because nicolas knows better than to turn down a woman’s demand disguised as an offer.

[voulatile]

aestuavis,

|| 茜 || :: right … sometimes she had to wonder how she could literally hear the annoyance and frustration in his voice when she communicated with him. it was a talent, she was sure — and the SUZAKU couldn’t help rubbing the back of her neck a little while attempting to find a suitable excuse to give him as to why she was there. then again, it was better to be honest with nic than finding excuses, that she learned, thus, her hands moved to admit.

« i know that. but i want to see you. and i was being careful, i promise. »

those puppy eyes of hers were blaring at full-force, unconsciously so. after all, it was the whole TRUTH that she came here to see him. he kept telling her not to — of course, how dangerous this area is, but it wouldn’t stop her. both due to her stubbornness and her yearn to see him. and now that she had said it ( or signed it, ) a small moment of silence followed before she continued, as though trying to appease him a bit.

« i didn’t mean to make you worry — do you have plan for dinner ? let me cook for you as an apology ? »

after all, she knew he couldn’t cook for the life of him. so hopefully that would be enough as a REASON for him to let her stay longer ? hopefully ?

normally he would remain stubborn, unmoved by words. but he was quick to admit defeat. nicolas wondered how soft he had gotten, how easy it was for him to give into her—and those puppy eyes of hers. akane was a warmth in his heart that never faltered. she was someone who never left, never judged. he felt human around her but he would never tell her that. 

instead nicolas emitted an air of defeat, conceding to her and bumped his knuckles against her forehead in a playful manner. a simple head nod as response, accepting her invitation of dinner and gesturing inside of his home. dropping his things in their usual spot, he signaled her the direction of his kitchen and with his hunger rather insatiable, a teasing grin formed as he signed. 

【 so what are you making for dinner as an apology? 】

[tsukis]

nicolas brown wallpapers [540x960] requested by anon

[voulatile]

scarlctta,

    the brunette paused for a moment as the familiar looking man   ,   she knew him well   .   yet she still grit her teeth   &.   resumed her forward movements   ,   did he think the simple gesture would be enough to stop her anger   ?   no   ,   no   ——   it would take much more to stop her from ripping someones head off   .   he should’ve known that by now   ,   ❛   nic   ,   move   .   ❜   the brunette demanded with a rather forceful gesture   ,   she didn’t want to deal with this right now   .   she was ready to set the world aflame   &.   she would not let him stop her   .

    burgundy hues burned brightly as her glare only increased with every passing second   ,   ❛   i said move   !   ❜   she shouted as she immediately attempted to push him   (   of course she was failing miserably but she was too stubborn to stop   )   .   her attempted push turned to that of strong punches to his chest   ,   beating his torso with the leftover strength she had from the previous beat down   .   ❛   nic   !   fucking move   !   ❜   

no response. he remained quiet against her demands, he knew nothing he could say would stop her, he knew that within all that anger that drowned her former self—she was but a young girl. he understood. she was hurting, and her actions were her attempts to heal. but that wasn’t enough for him to step aside, he couldn’t justify it when she began to harm others. 

undeterred by her vicious glare and physical outburst, all he offered her was an involuntary flinch at her barrage of hits that came afterward. nicolas took it. he didn’t even bother to protect himself, he simply endured. for he knew she wasn’t angry at him or the world, but rather at herself. because she felt as though she allowed this to happen, she allowed it to consume her—that it was her fault. he knew and that hurt him more than anything else he was taking from her at that moment (punches and all). with his arms that made way around her shoulders, he gave her a warm albeit firm embrace. 

he finally made an attempt to stop her, to calm her. to assure her that it’s okay. everything is okay, she’s okay.

[voulatile]

yajuens,

     used as nothing more than furniture, he can’t help but wonder if this is retribution for teasing nic too much. a small man with an equally small heart, that’s how worick liked to imagine how his partner was. it made him put up with the fact that he still on the ground. at least for now he’d try to communicate with him. still, on his stomach, he had no choice but to sign. not that he minded, he was fluent enough. years of practice and being together allowed him to be so. arms lifted up and waited until at least he believed he was noticed.

          [ get off me, i have to feed him. ] 

     hands that had found lost items and senseless murder moved fluidly, not too fast and not too slow. an even pace to make sure that nic caught every word. the last part was an excuse, in hopes to instigate this muscle-head to get off but there was some good in this. the stray cat got to meet another stray and vice verse. worick was just too soft-hearted as he was cruel for such kindness. 

there’s an instant connection between the two that shared a common fate. the stray pawed at his calloused hands before he brought it back down to allow it to curl up against his chest.  completely enamored by the animal as he held close, nicolas showed a side rarely seen by people. he smiled, not as a result of violence or some sadistic tendencies—but of warmth and comfort. for once in a long time, nicolas felt at ease—felt human. 

gentle was his touch in regards to the kitten, providing enough scratches and pets to result an elongated purr. he loved it. it takes him awhile before he remembered what (or rather who) he was sitting on. the smug grin making its way back onto his face as all he offered in response to worick was a wave of the kitten’s paw in his face.