Kylo: Show me, Grandfather, so I can finish what you started.
Anakin to The Force: So look, I know we’re not on the best terms, but…
The Force: Say no more. I got this. I’m not going to let him screw this up again *bonds Rey and Kylo*
Rey: *shoots at Kylo in the forest*
Rey and Kylo: *fight on Starkiller base*
The Force: Oh for fucks sake *splits the ground to separate them* Time for Phase 2
Rey: *force bond opens and she shoots at Kylo*
The Force: Fucking seriously?!
Rey: *second force bond* Monster!
Kylo: *eyes narrow seductively and he moves closer* Yes. I am a monster.
Rey: *breathing hard, obviously aroused*
Anakin: Ooh, that’s my boy!
The Force: Now this I can work with *splash*
Kylo: *brings Rey’s wetness to his mouth so he can taste her*
The Force: Hold my beer, watch this, Anakin.
Rey: *third bond opens* W-Why did you kill your fath-uhhh
Kylo: *stands there shirtless, sweat glistening on his body like he just finished training and was about to shower. Smirks* Say it.
Rey: *salivates, stares at his chest* Why did you kill your father?
Kylo: Let go of the past, kill it if you must. That’s the only way to become what you’re meant to be.
Anakin: Not a bad line. I would have went with something a little better. Maybe “are you an angel?” Or “want to touch?”
The Force: That was definitely a bad line.
Rey: *fourth force bond* I have never felt so alone
Rey: Neither are you *holds out hand*
Anakin and The Force: *hugging* This is perfect!
Ben: *takes off glove to touch her hand*
The Force: This bitch over here. The fuck. He’s getting a visit from Yoda.
Rey: *ships herself to Ben*
Ben: *meets her, gives a small smile, has her handcuffed*
The Force: I can fix this.
Snoke: I bridged your minds.
The Force: Oh hell no. This bitch got to go.
Rey: *fights along side Ben, tosses him Anakin’s saber*
Anakin: I have never been more proud in my life.
The Force: It’s just so beautiful
Ben: *kills the guard and strides towards Rey like he’s going to kiss her*
Anakin and The Force: KISS, kiss, kiss, kiss
Rey: *runs to look at the Resistance fleet*
The Force: What the actual fuck.
Anakin and The Force: *facepalm*
The Force: He gets this from you.
Anakin: That’s my boy! *applauds and whistles*
Ben: Let it die. Join me. Together we can create a new order *holds out hand*
The Force: glove, remove the glove.
Rey: *looks at the glove and then tries to take back the saber*
Ben: *wtf look and tries to hold onto the saber*
The Force: What the fuck. That’s it. Time out for both of you. *breaks the saber in half and knocks them unconscious*
Anakin: What the fuck, that was my saber.
Ben: *loses the battle on Crait and sees Han’s dice, feels the force bond open* *puppydog eyes*
Anakin: That’s good. Women always love the puppydog eyes.
The Force: Now apologize. Tell her you love her.
Ben: *tear slides down his cheek*
Rey: *slams the door in his face*
The Force: Thats it. No more nice Force. *rubs hands together*
The Force: They’re done fucking this up for me.
Anakin: I’m going to grab some popcorn.