Any new gossip dear?
Not. This school is literally more boring than watching grass grow.

shark vs the universe
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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Misplaced Lens Cap
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

blake kathryn
NASA
Sade Olutola
art blog(derogatory)
we're not kids anymore.

Discoholic 🪩

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trying on a metaphor

oozey mess

#extradirty
Claire Keane

@theartofmadeline
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER

Product Placement

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@vulneragossip
Any new gossip dear?
Not. This school is literally more boring than watching grass grow.
Do you think anyone would have a relationship with an inanimate object?
Chastity Cat. No doubt.
Most likely to get lost and never return?
Tits. Hands down. That kid gets lost like it's no one's business.
Two most likely to be in a ring murder?
Chastity Cat and she'd be dragging McLeggin' with her.
Give them less than four hours and they get into a bar fight. McLeggin' came back bloodied and Beaten. Chastity Cat supposedly had to get patched up by big brother. Imagine what they could do with more time.
Okay some of us don't know who these people are. Can you make like a list ?
I could, but what fun is it if you don't do a little detective work to figure it out?
Bonfire Burn and Crash
While the night started out disgustingly slow, the bonfire eventually went from drab to slightly less drab as the night dragged on. An audible sexual tension was swimming among the Slytherins, only to be broken by--not an orgy, though that would have been more interesting, but by some games.
Listen up bitches, because here’s what you need to know:
Sperminator, in all his perv glory, charmed the lake so whoever took a little dip was met with nudity--some bodies no one needed to witness ever.
Mi Amor offered himself up for some mud fun with McLeggin’--I hope you know I expect an invitation to that, or at least some photographs.
Speaking of McLeggin’ and her vixen ways, she also tangled her lips with best mates Chastity Cat and Tongue Twister. I wonder how many times she’s done that with them during private get-togethers.
And where was Actual Pygmy Puff when all this action was being shared among his best mates? Apparently after taking a body shot off Chastity Cat, he couldn’t function anymore and had to be taken away during the snoozefest of festivities happening by Mi Amor. Chances are, they headed back to the castle to help take care of confused boners.
Later on, the little reindeer games resulted in a frenzy of truths juicy enough to satisfy any thirst. Here’s the low-down:
Tongue Twister has had a crush on one of the Weasels and everyone wants to know witch one. Is it a golden-haired goose, a fireycrotch, or a brunette bundle that he’s attracted to?
Lonely Boy has done the dirty deed! With another person! With who? When? Were they alive when it happened? Who knew he had it in him? Not me. Good for you.
Merlin fuck me, because apparently both of the Slytherin best friends have had one night stands, and speculation is that it was with EACH OTHER. Tongue Twister and McLeggin’--I wonder if she could tell us just how talented that tongue of his is.
And of course, lots of people have used kissing as a means to make another person jealous--expected seeing as hardly anyone has the courage to get their heads out of their arses to do anything about their feelings. How better to try to get what they want than by mediocre manipulation?
Once that was over, Lonely boy was apparently drunk enough to strip some ladies of their clothing. After hearing about his newly-revealed sexual prowess, I wonder what else he can do to the ladies.
Even Bludger Brain, despite being excruciatingly boring the entire night, walked away from the bonfire with a large purple present on his neck. Looks like he’s going to have to invest in scarves from now on.
Seems like Irrelevant Ex-Girlfriend and Chastity Cat get handsy when they’re drunk, exhibited when Chastity Cat physically dragged McLeggin’ into the water, resulting in both girls going commando and evidently taking Tongue Twister down with them as he affectionately let McLeggin’ borrow his boxers. I’m sure that isn’t the first time she’s worn those.
Ginger Junk was being a drag--as always. Not much development there, seeing as she kept running her mouth like a broken faucet, commenting on every. single. thing. [snores]
And of course, how can we forget Tits? After making out with Ginger Junk and giving Tongue Twister a lap dance, he was left insatiable and invited Chastity Cat into his bed. He also got considerably offended when McLeggin’ passed on making out with him. Hm. Seems like he’s got the ache in his loins worse than some of the witches here at Hogwarts.
ok but alexander and lucy snogging in the hallway
Lonely Boy and Weasley #2?
He practically yells at the whole school that he's seen some action, but now he's out to prove it? I'm loving it. This is getting better and better.
looks like rose got herself in trouble last night with alexander
I heard something about that, but I was a little preoccupied with the Slytherins. All that juicy Drama.
What could Lonely Boy even be mad about? Tsk, tsk Ginger Junk.
im disappointed in malfoy hes quiet and i was hoping he would get himself into a pickle by now
Tongue Twister... it seems everyone is out to see you get caught with your pants down.
Literally and metaphorically.
thoughts on cats party?
It's got booze, it's got food, there will be a fire. The somewhat important people know about it and the drama that will break loose once the hostess shows up -- well let's hope Sperminator doesn't mind having to take a hit or two.
favorite potential couples?
I’m starting to be a fan of the newly deemed Two-Pump Chump — can’t expect too much from a Hufflepuff. He’s finding himself the right ladies and I’m hoping one of them settles in and lets us know if he really is just a two-pump Chump.
Seis
Last, but certainly not least was Pygmy Puff, the Potter boy could not keep his hands to himself. We saw them wandering with the older Selwyn, before locking lips with the younger one.
The Selwyns are a hot commodity, and we know-- but get in line.
Cinco
Chastity Cat not only got his bits rearranged but couldn't seem to keep her lips to herself.
After being kissed by eleven year old Sperminator, the girl went on to lip lock with everyone she saw. Pygmy Puff included, and it seems things have gotten messy for her since her first kiss.
Careful Chastity Cat, no need to get Mi Amor worked up.
Cuatro
Mi Amor was seen being much more silent in his actions, punching out his dorm mate. Not to say that we mind, but at least he kept his wits about him during this dire time
Tres
Lonely Boy is getting a little out of hand with cracking out of his shell. I'm starting to think he needs to rearrange some of his brain cells. One minute he's as quiet as can be and the next he's yelling at the Head Boy to and I quote, "Fuck her right in the pussy." Bad boy words, let's hope soon-to-be Minister daddy doesn't hear about this.
Dos
Bambi turned blue until she dared herself to smack some ass, claiming it was for a charity. Nice start Bambi. You're doing a good job.
Uno
Barely a month into the school year and it seems that groups of people are making things better every moment. Here's a count.
Sperminator manages to get action as even an eleven year old. Keep spreading the seed! On top of that, he seems to have taken a fancy to the Selwyn siblings. Mi Amor was not a fan - Sperminator received a nicely place punch later on.
I'd watch it Sperminator.