While the night started out disgustingly slow, the bonfire eventually went from drab to slightly less drab as the night dragged on. An audible sexual tension was swimming among the Slytherins, only to be broken by--not an orgy, though that would have been more interesting, but by some games.
Listen up bitches, because here’s what you need to know:
Sperminator, in all his perv glory, charmed the lake so whoever took a little dip was met with nudity--some bodies no one needed to witness ever.
Mi Amor offered himself up for some mud fun with McLeggin’--I hope you know I expect an invitation to that, or at least some photographs.
Speaking of McLeggin’ and her vixen ways, she also tangled her lips with best mates Chastity Cat and Tongue Twister. I wonder how many times she’s done that with them during private get-togethers.
And where was Actual Pygmy Puff when all this action was being shared among his best mates? Apparently after taking a body shot off Chastity Cat, he couldn’t function anymore and had to be taken away during the snoozefest of festivities happening by Mi Amor. Chances are, they headed back to the castle to help take care of confused boners.
Later on, the little reindeer games resulted in a frenzy of truths juicy enough to satisfy any thirst. Here’s the low-down:
Tongue Twister has had a crush on one of the Weasels and everyone wants to know witch one. Is it a golden-haired goose, a fireycrotch, or a brunette bundle that he’s attracted to?
Lonely Boy has done the dirty deed! With another person! With who? When? Were they alive when it happened? Who knew he had it in him? Not me. Good for you.
Merlin fuck me, because apparently both of the Slytherin best friends have had one night stands, and speculation is that it was with EACH OTHER. Tongue Twister and McLeggin’--I wonder if she could tell us just how talented that tongue of his is.
And of course, lots of people have used kissing as a means to make another person jealous--expected seeing as hardly anyone has the courage to get their heads out of their arses to do anything about their feelings. How better to try to get what they want than by mediocre manipulation?
Once that was over, Lonely boy was apparently drunk enough to strip some ladies of their clothing. After hearing about his newly-revealed sexual prowess, I wonder what else he can do to the ladies.
Even Bludger Brain, despite being excruciatingly boring the entire night, walked away from the bonfire with a large purple present on his neck. Looks like he’s going to have to invest in scarves from now on.
Seems like Irrelevant Ex-Girlfriend and Chastity Cat get handsy when they’re drunk, exhibited when Chastity Cat physically dragged McLeggin’ into the water, resulting in both girls going commando and evidently taking Tongue Twister down with them as he affectionately let McLeggin’ borrow his boxers. I’m sure that isn’t the first time she’s worn those.
Ginger Junk was being a drag--as always. Not much development there, seeing as she kept running her mouth like a broken faucet, commenting on every. single. thing. [snores]
And of course, how can we forget Tits? After making out with Ginger Junk and giving Tongue Twister a lap dance, he was left insatiable and invited Chastity Cat into his bed. He also got considerably offended when McLeggin’ passed on making out with him. Hm. Seems like he’s got the ache in his loins worse than some of the witches here at Hogwarts.
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