VV @vvshere - Tumblr Blog

Claw To Bullet (Chapter 25, Season Final) Jubilee

Summary: They were your family. Until Taeyong gave you that damn mission.

Genre: NCT Mafia AU!

Warnings: Angst, language, depresive thoughts, suicidal behavior, mentions of death, injury, blood, chemical experiments (do not try them in home), mentions of blackmailing, threatening, mentions of torture, drugs usage, mentions of underage drinking and doing drugs, pee, injection, alcohol, guns, bullying. Italics are flashbacks.

I do not know roads in Korea so bear with me.

OT23

Masterlist

@je0ngjaehyun @kpopnightingale @yasmini24 @sweetmoonlight9 @andrea-chanel @samleez1ff @morklee02 @xiaojunssexyeyebrows @choidokim @everrrlasting @kimyyoontae14 @oh-itsnothing @tyongpoetry @taeil1406 @siwon-silost @itisrin @12am-musings

It was easy to kill people. Without guns or knives, words were enough, actions were enough. Cutting the person's hope, breaking the connections, looking at them with hatred eyes which once were filled with love and many more ways. Take the very thing they called family. It was weird that how fragile a human could be. You, the mighty Scar, one of the most feared persons of the underground world, the queen, the unbreakable one, were falling apart. People needed reasons to stay alive. What reason did you have in your hands? You know that you should get up, open your eyes. But for what? To see their cold eyes? To be treated like an outsider? To die once again? You were once again tricked by love, by hope. Didn't you promise yourself not to fall for that again? No matter how much you tried to be "Scar" you were Y/N Y/L/N after all. The little girl with infinite hope in her heart. What a pity. The promises made by them and made by you, they didn't mean to last long, huh? You hopped that you could end those promises with your death. But they were already broken. It felt like all the things you worked for went waste. Every effort you put in, every blood you shed, every hit and bullet you took was a waste. There was no reason to open your tired eyes. The warmth you felt faded long ago, anyway.

"I have to catch the mole," you told to yourself. "They aren't ready to be without me," you mentally frowned. There were many things to do. But you were too tired.

It hurt to think about waking up, it hurt to think about the past, the present, and the future. Just a little, just for a little while, you wanted to sleep. It wasn't like someone was waiting for you to wake up. Just a little sleep before everything goes downfall again, you thought. Let me rest for a while.

But would nightmares let you?

---

It was selection day. To perform a mafia family, you needed a leader first. A leader that capable of carrying the weight, showing the way, ready to rule. And elders let that decision to the members. You already knew who to vote for. The one who was able to stay sane while holding the control. The first soon-to-be-members of the NCT gathered. Taeil, Taeyong, Doyoung, Ten, Jaehyun, Mark, and you. Everyone voted in a cabin, and Heechul counted the votes.

Six Taeyong, one Doyoung. You smiled to yourself. It was an expected result for you. You turned to Taeyong, who looked at the ground with a terrified expression. You frowned and took a step towards him.

"Taeyong?"

He flinched as if he woke up from a nightmare. Heechul congratulated him and left. You kept your eyes on him.

"Are you okay?"

"I- I have to go."

You could see the sweat on his forehead. Boys looked at each other with confused looks. You sighed and patted Doyoung's back.

"I'll check him."

"Please do."

You rushed outside to see where he went. Taeyong put his hand on a tree, breathed heavily.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You went to his side and caressed his back.

"Scar, I- I can't- How can I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Being a leader- I can't- The responsibility-"

You took your hand back, stood straight, and made an emotionless face.

"Come to your senses, Lee Taeyong."

Taeyong's eyes widened at how stern your voice was. He looked at you and saw how demanding you looked.

"You are insulting mine and my friends' judgment. We didn't choose you because we are emotional. We chose you because you are the most fitted person for this. If there were someone more capable than you, I'd choose them. Now, get a hold of yourself and don't make us regret our choice. You are our leader now. Act like one."

"But Scar-"

As soon as he straightened his posture, you hugged him tightly. Taeyong was shocked by the difference in your actions.

"You won't be alone, Tae. We'll be with you at every step you take. We got your back."

Taeyong's eyes widened, then got teary as he buried his head on your shoulder, hugging back tightly.

"We trust you. So, please, trust our judgment."

"Scar is right, crybaby."

"Doyoung?"

Taeyong raised his head and saw his friend, looking at him with a smile.

"If you mess up, I'll be there to take over. But it's a pain in the ass. So, you better not mess up!"

Taeyong chuckled at Doyoung, still hugging you.

"Now, come. You have to choose the underground boss."

"Then, we'll have a celebration."

Ten stood next to Doyoung with a smile.

"Since you are the leader, Scar will cook tonight."

You frowned and dropped one of your arms while the other was still around Taeyong's back.

"I never heard of that!"

"It's our leader's first order."

"Taeyong? Will you misconduct?"

Taeyong first smirked, then looked at you with doe eyes.

"But Scar, don't you want to congratulate me?"

"You rascal! You were crying just a few seconds ago!"

"You were hallucinating."

Taeyong shrugged as he walked to Ten and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. You sighed.

"We chose a monster."

---

Taeyong smiled wryly at the memory. Was he really a monster now? No one was able to focus on their job, neither was Taeyong. The business missed you, but more importantly, members missed you, most importantly, he missed you. You matured more than them. To be more correct, he never saw you act childish. But you all grew up together. People tend to think you were the oldest because of how calm and collected you were. But he was one of the rare people who witnessed your loud laughs. Since when was the last time he heard it? The laugh aside, it felt like it has been ages since he saw you smile, or a smile that reached your eyes.

He didn't mean to send you to that mission. But deep down, he was eager to see your mistake, see you fail. Even if he was the leader, he was always jealous of you. A woman without a flaw, a woman without a past. You held the possibility of being the biggest threat to the family. That was why he thought you were finally showing your true self when Jisung framed you. He didn't need to hear more.

No one could be perfect.

But he didn't want you to be in this condition either. He just wanted you to confess, admit that you were wrong.

He didn't want to think about it. Taeyong shook his head as his feet unconsciously dragged him to the infirmary. The corridor was empty except for Doyoung, who was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees. It was barely an hour ago when Sangbum brought your hard-to-recognize body. And Taeyong only managed to gather his courage to visit you now. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Doyoung like that.

"Doyoung?"

He ran to his side and saw tears soaking Doyoung's cheek.

"Did something happen to Scar? Is she okay? Doyoung, answer me!"

Doyoung closed his eyes as Taeyong shook his shoulders.

"She is barely alive."

He hiccupped as he pressed his forehead harshly to hold back tears.

"Then do something!"

"I'm trying!"

Doyoung yelled at Taeyong as if he tried to tear his lungs apart.

"I'm trying everything!"

He hiccuped again as he buried his head on his kneecaps. Taeyong looked at his friend with a sad expression as he sat down next to him. After minutes, Doyoung managed to speak.

"Do you know how it feels?"

His voice was low and hoarse from yelling and crying. Taeyong didn't answer as he kept his eyes on the floor.

"It feels like I'm the one who caused her every wound. It feels like I killed her-"

"She is not dead."

Taeyong stopped him, irritated by the possibility.

"Yet."

Taeyong turned to Doyoung with a frown. Doyoung turned his gaze.

"Last time I saw someone injured like that, they were dead."

"Stop talking about death."

Taeyong's eyes got teary as he pulled his legs towards himself and hugged them as well.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye."

Doyoung cried and hugged Taeyong. Taeyong took a shaky breath as he patted his back.

"I can't bear it anymore."

You chuckled at Doyoung as you changed the bloody sheets.

"I don't think you say this out of concern."

"The smell of blood is gross!"

"Bear with it, doc. Like, for the rest of your life."

He groaned and sat down on the chair.

"I chose the wrong major!"

"You chose the right one."

"You be the doctor!"

You made a weird face as you refused harshly.

"I have enough things in my hands!"

You pulled another chair in front of him.

"If I come home, blood covering me from head to toe, will you say it's disgusting and won't treat me?"

Doyoung frowned at the image.

"Don't ever come to me like that!"

"How about enemy's blood?"

"Don't joke about something like that!"

You smiled and stood up to hug him.

"Doyoungie!"

"Stop! You are getting blood on yourself!"

But he chuckled anyway. Since it was you, you sure wouldn't come to him like that, right?

You were Scar. You would never die.

---

Sicheng was trying hard to keep business together, but it wasn't easy. Everyone was a mess, so was he. He sighed, caressed his forehead as he leaned back on his seat.

Everything was so easy when you were around.

He sighed for the thousandth time. And you were getting tired of it. Sicheng had a hectic schedule because he was about to become the underground boss of China Affairs. Considering his personality, he must be drained by now.

"You know that you can order me to drive away, and I wouldn't even make you repeat it."

"I can't do that. Kun and I worked so hard on it."

You pursed your lips and reached out to the back seat.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you."

You took off your blouse and wore a white shirt while Sicheng averted his eyes and blushed.

"W-what are you doing?"

"I'm being your bodyguard."

You tied your tie and wore sun-glasses.

"Were you ready for this?"

Sicheng looked at you with a shocked expression as you smiled sheepishly.

"Let's go."

You acted like an absolute bodyguard. Checked elevator before letting Sicheng stepped in, putting your hand on your ear as if you were talking to someone, Sicheng almost burst into laughter. When a lady tried to hug him, you stepped in.

"Excuse him, but Mister Winwin despises human connections."

He looked at you with wide eyes. Was it okay for you to say that? You mouthed him not to worry. He was going to be a big name, after all. During the meeting, you didn't only act as a bodyguard but as a secretary as well. Sicheng forgot all of his worries as he watched the act you put on. The hardest thing was avoiding laughing. Once your job was done, you escorted him to the car and took off your sunglasses.

"How was I?"

"You were amazing. I want a secretary like you."

You chuckled as you loosened your tie.

"Good luck with finding one."

He smiled at the memory, but it faded with recalling your absence. Where did everything go wrong?

---

Xiaojun took another knife and threw it at the target.

One more.

And another one.

When he grabbed another knife, he hissed and dropped it. His fingers were bleeding. Weird, he thought. He usually wouldn't make mistakes like that. He sighed and went to the first-aid closet.

He threw another knife and turned to you with a prideful face, smiling.

"Scar! I did it! How was I?"

You smiled sweetly and stepped closer to him as you ruffled his hair.

"You did well."

Dejun chuckled shyly as he looked at the target.

"However."

His smile faded as you gently took his hand. It was bleeding slightly. Xiaojun bit his cheek slightly. He tried to hide it from you.

"Your grip on knives is still too tight."

He lowered his head while pouting.

"Remember what I thought you?"

"Holding the knife properly is more important than hitting the target."

"Yes. Because hitting the target will remain as a coincidence until you learn how to hold knives. Plus-"

You put a hand behind his back and led him to the bench. You grabbed the first-aid kit and crouched down in front of him.

"Holding it wrong will hurt you."

You poured a tincture of iodine on gauze and applied it gently. Xiaojun hissed between his teeth. You blew on it to cool it.

"I'm sorry."

You smiled and reached out to caress his head.

"Don't worry. I'm proud of you."

"You are not mad?"

"Why would I be? I also had injuries while learning."

"Do you still cut your hand?"

"Sometimes. That's why I'm so good at treating wounds."

"Isn't it because of medical lessons?"

"Shh."

And you treated his every knife wound until he learned. Xiaojun looked at his hand with teary eyes.

Who was going to treat his wounds now?

---

"So, who is the underground boss?"

Mark asked, reaching for his spoon. You slapped his hand as you put Ten's bowl.

"Not before I serve everyone."

You warned and went inside to get other dishes. Jaehyun chuckled, and it caused Mark to pout.

"Isn't that obvious?"

Taeil asked as he poured water on glasses while Doyoung brought other drinks.

"I'm glad you think so."

You answered and put the salad which Taeil made. Taeyong smiled as you sat down.

"I put a lot of thought into this."

"Skip the formalities!"

Ten groaned as he put his spoon. Taeyong sent him a glare which caused Ten to smirk mischievously.

"With you guys' approval, I choose Taeil as the underground boss."

"I approve."

You smiled and gave your confirmation quickly. You knew he would choose Taeil. But Taeil was surprised, looked at Taeyong dumb-founded.

"M-me?"

"Who else?"

You asked, drinking your soup.

"I thought you would choose Scar."

"I'm not fit for it, Taeil."

"But-"

"Ah, seriously? What's up with that act of shocks today?"

You giggled how Doyoung snapped. You wiped your mouth as you raised your water glass. Since Mark wasn't an adult yet, you were drinking water or juice.

"To our leader and our underground boss."

"To NCT."

Everyone raised their glasses. After dinner, everyone except for you and Taeil went to their business since you two lost rock-paper-scissors. You were washing the dishes, and Taeil was doing the rest.

"You told him to do it, right?"

You wiped your forehead with your arm since your hands were covered with soap.

"Do what? To whom?"

"To Taeyong to choose me?"

You smiled and brushed another dish.

"And?"

"But why?"

"One, you wanted it."

"How did you know?"

"I trained to be a human reader, remember?"

"Was it obvious?"

Taeil shyly grabbed his nape. You washed your hands and shook them, then wiped them with a towel.

"Do you think I would recommend someone just because they want to? I recommended you because you are suited for it. Plus, since Taeyong accepted it easily, I think he thought the same."

"You always know what is the best."

"We are family. We know what is best for us."

But Taeil couldn't see what was best for you. He closed his laptop's screen and threw his head back. If you were here, you'd tell him to keep work under control. You would even scold him, no, everyone for being so fragile. The business shouldn't stop when something big happened.

When he first learned that you went on a mission, he wanted to hop on his car and save you, just like how you always did when there was an emergency. But he wasn't brave like you. He chuckled wryly. You would always want them to act with a plan while you carelessly went to save others. If you weren't a mafia member, you would be a saintess. He stood up and walked to the infirmary as if being closer to you would change anything. Taeyong was sitting on the floor, eyes blood red. Taeil sighed and sat next to him.

"How is she?"

"Doyoung says-"

Taeyong sighed and looked at the ceiling to avert shedding tears.

"She might not make it."

Taeil slowly hit his head against the wall.

"Doyoung is with her, and Kunhang helps him."

There was a silence that ate two of them alive. Taeyong broke it with a sigh.

"Elders were pressuring me to provide an heir. In every meeting, they asked me if there was a marriage a member considered. I was so tired of it. But after hearing Scar's betrayal, I thought it would be a chance to keep her in the family. If she married one of you, we could convince elders that she was the mother of the heir. So, we could keep her in the family."

Taeil huffed.

"You still say Scar's betrayal. Will you write 'Traitor' on her gravestone as well?"

"Why are you so sure that she'll die?"

"I want to think otherwise. But I saw her."

The image of your barely alive body flashed in Taeil's head. He closed his eyes and shook his head to get rid of it. But it remained there as if it was the last image of you.

---

Hendery tapped his fingers anxiously, kept looking at the clock and the door. When the sound he waited for came from the window, he flinched.

"Oh my god, Scar! You scared me!"

"Stop yelling!"

Hendery closed his mouth with his hands, then freed them slowly.

"Did you bring it?"

You nodded and put the bag in your hand, then took off the one on your shoulder. Since Hendery caused a big explosion in the lab, he was staying in his bedroom as a punishment. He begged you to get him equipment because of how bored he was.

"If you blew anything again, I'll make you Taeil's knife target."

"Yeah, yeah. Would you like to watch?"

You sighed but nodded anyway. Hendery clapped his hands in excitement.

"An audience! Okay, how about thunders underwater?"

You smiled nervously. Hendery was already preparing it. Ethanol, sulfuric acid, permanganate of potash. You mentally facepalmed as you wished that he wouldn't hurt himself. But the result was beautiful. Kunhang watched your smiling face proudly. The next one included brake fluid and permanganate of potash.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep!"

It took a beautiful color, and smoke started to rise. But then, it exploded and broke the glass.

"I told you no explosion!"

"But it's no fun like that!"

"Hendery!"

You heard Sicheng's voice outside. You sighed and grabbed Kunhang's hand as you dragged him out from the window.

"Run, you fool!"

He followed you until you hopped on your car. He sat next to you as you two laughed uncontrollably.

Hendery smiled at the memory.

"I still have so many experiments to show you."

"Hm?"

Doyoung turned to him, but Hendery shook his head.

"Nothing. I'm talking to her."

Doyoung pursed his lips and nodded.

"Do you think she hears us?"

"I don't know, man, I don't know."

The beeps of the machine started to get irregular. Doyoung frowned and turned to see it. The problem was your heartbeats. He started to feel cold.

"Hendery!"

"On it!"

Doyoung watched your pulse got weaker. When Hendery opened the door and rushed outside, Taeyong and Taeil stood up in a panic.

"What's going on?"

"Doyoung?"

"Get out!"

"Not before you tell us what's going on!"

"We are losing her!"

Hendery came back with Sangbum, who refused to leave after bringing you, and Lucas. Ten watched them ran with a shocked expression. No way.

Not like this.

The secret he held hurt him every time. Ten was an adopted child of one of the Thailand mafia, the elders' biggest rival. And at the start of his carrier, Ten worked as a mole because they held his sister as a hostage.

He sneaked into the building, holding his stomach. When the lights turned on suddenly, he flinched and looked at you with fear in his eyes. Your face was impossible to read.

"H-hey, Scar!"

He tried to smile and end the conversation, which never meant to start.

"Where were you, Chittaphon?"

"You sound scary right now."

He laughed it off. But you remained the same. He gulped and thought of an explanation.

"I was getting fresh air."

"And got beaten up as a hobby?"

You raised your brow. That was when Ten realized that he was holding his stomach. He immediately lowered his hand.

"Haha, what are you saying? I'm perfectly fine-"

You stepped forward and lifted his shirt. He stepped back and looked at you with a frown.

"This is harassment."

"And what did they do to you isn't?"

Ten gulped again and sat down on a chair.

"How much do you know?"

"How much did you do?"

"I-"

You pursed your lips and sighed as you crouched down in front of him with a first aid kit.

"You don't have to do that anymore."

"You don't understand."

"I do."

You raised a letter. Ten's eyes widened as soon as he recognized the signature.

"H-how?"

"She approached me."

"Is she okay?"

"She is free. She is in an orphanage now. You can go and see her once the sun rises."

"Did you save her?"

"Not really. I only got her from the border. She escaped herself."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I could've been a scheme. I had to check."

Ten silently cried as he covered his face with his hands.

"Will you tell others?"

"I have to."

"Please don't! I beg you! I can do anything! I'll give you money and-"

"Ten."

You stopped him with your stern voice. He cried harder when he saw your expression.

"Please. Don't take this family away from me."

You sighed and sat down, your back facing him.

"I have a condition."

"I'll pay you-"

"It's not money."

Ten looked at your back with a confused expression.

"Then?"

"I want you to pay for the damage you made. Bring information from them. Do the same amount of damage to them."

"But if they realize-"

"You won't be alone this time."

You turned to him and smiled.

"Why?"

"One, we are still trainees. Two, you are my family as well. And three, this is a good chance for us to get the upper hand."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe because your sister begged me for your life?"

You continued treating his wounds. Ten dropped a few tears and held your hand.

"Thank you, Scar. You are really my family."

You smiled and squeezed his hand.

The tag you brought from Thailand was the last evidence of Ten's connection to that family. Because you destroyed them. Since they threatened Ten to reveal his real identity, it was easy to find them.

"And that was how I treated the girl that saved me."

That thought sank into his heart and blocked his lungs. Was this how you were going to say goodbye?

---

You heard the annoying sounds of a machine which made you frown.

I just want to sleep, you thought. A little longer...

"Y/N."

You frowned at the taboo yet familiar name. Who dared to call you that.

"Y/N Y/L/N."

That cursed name. Why wasn't it leaving you alone?

"Y/N."

The voice changed. Was it the seven seconds where you reviewed your whole life? Why did you have to bear that pain again?

Sleep a little longer, you told to yourself.

---

"I'm so sorry. Everything was my fault."

Jisung was holding your hand tightly, crying between every word.

"I was scared. Unlike me, you could handle it. But I didn't know it would hurt you like this."

Your hand was cold in his. He felt like confessing his sins to a wall. He would do anything to wake you up at that moment.

"I promise you. If you wake up, I'll tell the truth. Just wake up, I'm begging you."

He hiccupped, a headache hitting him because of crying.

"I'll be fine if they turn their back on me as we did to you. I'll accept your cold shoulder. It's okay if you don't want to see me anymore. Just open your eyes, Scar."

Donghyuck opened the door slowly. Jisung quickly wiped his tears. Seeing him like this hurt Haechan. But what hurt him the most was your state.

"Doyoung told us not to stay too long."

Jisung nodded, sniffling. He looked at you one last time and kissed your hand.

"Do you think she hears us?"

"I want to believe that she does."

Haechan put his hand on Jisung's back as he led him out. He looked in your direction one last time.

"This is where the information traffick goes."

"Seems scary."

"It is scary."

You were shielding Haechan's body as much as you could.

"Use knives instead of guns if there is a problem. We'd like to ignore the attention. And don't use your real name."

"Understood."

"Ah, one more thing. Avoid yelling. Be one of them before you lead them."

You winked at him and pushed him forward. You weren't his instructor for this, but you were the one who was going to protect him on his first day at the field.

"Here is the picture of the man. Gather as much information as you can. I'll be one step back."

You encouraged him to keep going. From that day, Donghyuck always felt your presence on his back when he entered that rat hole even if you weren't physically there.

He was afraid of losing that shadow.

---

Mark was in one of the training rooms, not really paying attention to anything around him. Jimin insisted on continuing her training. Since Mark needed a distraction, he agreed. But nothing shooed the clouds in his mind.

"Look, Mark!"

Mark murmured something in approvment but kept his eyes on his fingers which were tapping the table.

"You don't even look at me."

Jimin pouted. Mark sighed and raised his head.

"You don't seem concerned at all."

Jimin was taken aback by the sudden confrontation.

"Won't she be okay? It's not her first time to get injured."

Mark chuckled in annoyance. The cute girl once he loved like her sister was irritating him. She wasn't her sister. His real sister was dying on the infirmary bed. He slammed his fist on the table with that thought, which made Jimin flinch. Why did they even take her in? Mark doubted that her blood even would work on their plans.

"Mark, gather everyone. We need to hold a meeting."

Mark stood up in hurry and looked at Taeyong who was at the door frame.

"Is there any news?"

Taeyong clenched his jaw and cleared his throat.

"Doyoung said Scar might not wake up. We have to discuss what to do."

Mark's eyes widened. The blood in his veins felt unfamiliar. Jimin looked at Taeyong.

"I'm coming."

"That's not your business. Wait in your room."

Before Jimin could object, Taeyong walked away. Jimin tried her chance with Mark, but Mark ignored her.

"Go to your room, Jimin."

---

"You look exhausted."

You pressed the ice tea bottle on Mark's temple. He sighed in relief and grabbed the bottle to cool his neck.

"The training seemed hectic."

"They are too energetic."

You chuckled as you sat next to him, threw your head back.

"It's the price of being the favorite."

"I'm not their favorite. They always bully me!"

"Well, it's good to have close relationships. I'm jealous."

"Why is that?"

Mark finally opened the bottle and took a big sip.

"They look scared at first."

Mark snorted, tried hard not to spit his drink.

"And you are sad about it?"

You rolled your eyes but didn't deny it.

"Well, it must be because they listen to the torture room."

Your eyes widened as you slapped his shoulder slowly.

"Why aren't you stopping them?"

"They are curious since torturers are rare."

You sighed and leaned back until your back touched the floor of the veranda.

"I wish they weren't scared of me."

"Trust me. Once they become familiar with you, you'll regret wishing this."

"I don't think I will."

You smiled, imagining how would it be. Mark smiled as he finished his drink.

"Wanna join classes with me?"

You turned to him with sparkly eyes.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay then."

Mark chuckled at your smile. Was his favorite teacher seat under danger?

Mark smiled wryly at the memory as he made his way towards the living room.

---

Another memory.

Jaemin groaned holding his head. The hangover hit hard. He went to wash his face then made his way to the kitchen. You were there, cooking something. He wanted to leave, but he knew that you were aware of his presence.

"Good morning."

"Morning. The brunch is ready, but I have to take you to the infirmary first."

Jaemin frowned as he looked at you.

"Brunch? Infirmary?"

"Yeah, I have to make sure that you are clean."

"Not this again."

Jaemin rolled his eyes and massaged his temples.

"Since you slept eleven hours or so, I assume you didn't eat anything for twelve hours. So, it's the best time to make a blood test. Come with me."

He whined to himself, but he couldn't possibly say no to your orders. You opened the door of the infirmary and washed your hands before wearing gloves.

"Please sit and open your arm."

Jaemin rolled up his sleeve in annoyance. You found his vein quickly and finished in seconds.

"All done. Now, take this and go to the bathroom."

Jaemin looked at the plastic cup weirdly.

"And, what do you want me to do with that exactly?"

"Pee?"

You said it with a calm voice. Jaemin's eyes widened.

"I can't believe this! You also do drugs!"

"I only take it when it's necessary, and my drug is legal, unlike yours."

"Mine used to be legal as well!"

"All drugs were legal once upon a time. Now, go and pee."

"I don't have to pee right now."

"What are you, five?"

"I'll give it later-"

"Nope. You might bring someone else's sample. I have to make sure it's yours."

"You don't trust me?"

"I'm just doing my job."

Jaemin frowned and sighed loudly as he grabbed the cup. You took the samples to the infirmary's lab after Jaemin was done. You took off your gloves and washed your hands. You turned to him and smiled.

"Let's go. I prepared food for you."

"You did?"

Jaemin looked at you with confusion. You kept smiling as you led him to the kitchen and served chicken noodle soup with sweet potatoes and coffee.

"I heard that they are good for hangovers."

Jaemin looked at the dishes in awe. That was when he felt warmth on his head.

"You did well, Jaemin. I'm proud of you."

"You don't have the results tho."

"I don't. But I know that you are clean. And I know that you did your best at last night's deal."

You caressed his head and started to clean. Jaemin looked at the coffee doubtfully as he took a sip. Bitter, just how he liked it. He smiled to himself as he tasted the soup.

He drank his bourbon as he looked at one of the paintings in the living room. Maybe he could never taste your dishes for his hangover again.

"You started early."

He smiled bitterly at Jeno.

"Would you want some too?"

"How can I say no in this situation?"

Jaemin nodded and poured a glass for his friend. Jeno sighed, drew circles on the glass.

"Not being able to do anything is worse than trying to do something and fail."

"It sure is."

Jaemin finished his glass and poured another one. Jeno smiled wryly at his untouched glass.

"I used to be scared of her."

--

Jeno was nervous, not just because it was his final exam but because of the supervisor. Mark had to attend to a sudden mission. That meant you were going to decide whether he would be in charge of weapons or not. Jeno pressed his sweaty hands together. He became when the door opened, and he heard your footsteps. You were carrying a big cloth, seemed heavy.

"Hello, Jeno."

"Hello."

"Are you nervous?"

Jeno gulped once. You smiled.

"It's not like you to be nervous. But it's okay. I was very nervous about my final test as well."

Jeno forced a smile as you put the cloth on the table that separated you two and took a blindfold, which made Jeno more nervous.

"Under the cloth, there is a brand new rifle. You might never have seen it. When I start the chronometer I want you to wear the blindfold and split it into its pieces. I'll stop it and change the pieces' places. Once I start it again, you have to gather the rifle together. Any questions?"

"No, ma'am!"

You chuckled and patted his shoulder.

"Just call me Scar. I trained you with knives, after all."

You walked around the table and whispered in his ear.

"I bet on you a large amount that you will break the record. I'll treat you a diner if I win."

Jeno smirked. Gambling, huh?

"I won't let you down."

"That's the Jeno I'd like to see."

You tied the blindfold and took off the cloth around the rifle.

"Start."

Jeno quickly tore it into its pieces. You stopped the chronometer.

"Stop."

You changed their places.

"Start."

Since Jeno was now more familiar with the rifle, he felt more confident. He placed the last piece and raised his hands. You looked at the numbers with satisfaction.

"I guess the meals are on me today."

--

Jeno smiled, remembering old days. Jaemin chuckled as he swayed the glass.

"We all were."

"But she always took care of us."

"She did."

"Will she wake up?"

"She has to. She can't leave us like this."

Mark entered the living room. His face looked like he was in pain. He gulped, didn't know how to voice the commend.

"Taeyong wants all of us in his office."

Jaemin frowned. Since the situation was obvious, he thought every mission was postponed without a verbal discussion.

"Why is that?"

Mark gulped and squeezed his fists.

"Doyoung said Scar might not make it tonight. We'll discuss what to do next."

Jeno and Jaemin felt a knot in their throat.

"I-is Doyoung leaving Scar alone?"

"No. Since it's a family matter, all of us need to be there. So Sangbum will take care of Scar."

"Is he still here?"

"He refused to leave."

"What about Jimin?"

Mark looked at Jeno coldly and repeated Taeyong's words when he ordered to gather everyone.

"It's none of her business."

They entered Taeyong's office. No one was aware of what kind of plan Taeyong had in his mind. Everyone waited for him to speak, but he kept his eyes locked on your empty seat. Doyoung cleared his throat to fill the silence.

"Scar is in critical condition. We are doing our best but-"

He gulped, breathed heavily. Taeil encouraged him to keep going.

"We should be ready for the best."

When the possibility that they were aware of but refused to voice filled their ears, everybody's breath hitched. But Taeyong- he wasn't listening.

She'll wake up, he kept saying those words. The problem was keeping you in the house. Elders would probably end your carrier. Taeyong needed to be stronger to keep you in the family. He sighed and took the small box inside of his pocket and placed it on the table. Yuta looked at it weirdly.

"What's that?"

"I'll get engage to Jimin in order to gain her family's power."

"Do you really think it's the right time to talk about this?"

Kun spoke between his gritted teeth. Taeyong glared at him.

"Scar will wake up. And once she wakes up, we have to make sure that elders can't take her from us."

"Come to your senses! Scar might not wake up!"

Yuta slammed his hand on the table as he stood up.

"Calm down!"

Johnny tried to calm him down.

"Excuse me. But we have a problem."

Jungwoo stopped them with a shaky voice.

---

"The mole will kill your family."

"It's not my fight anymore."

"You have to wake up."

"Why?"

"To save them."

You will die like this. Without a fight. Without saying goodbye. Without catching the mole.

I don't wanna die, you thought.

Not yet.

I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna die!

You inhaled deeply from your mouth as you opened your eyes. Your chest moved up and down fast. You looked around with frightened eyes. But your right eye was half closed since it was swollen.

"Scar? Oh my god, that must be a miracle! Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

You coughed and took off the oxygen mask.

"You should keep it! I'll call Doyoung-"

You grabbed his wrist with shocking strength.

"Give me your phone."

"Scar, you just woke up-"

"Give me your stupid phone."

Your voice was low but still threatening. Sangbum gave you his phone. You quickly looked at what you searched. Just like you thought. Min family officially framed you as being their mole. And it has been a week since the mission.

"You don't need to worry! Everything will be fine-"

"Can you bring me a glass of water?"

"Sure!"

You waited for a few seconds, then stood up, grabbed a sedative, and injected it into Sangbum's neck. When Sangbum collapsed on your hands, you whispered apologies. If he was awake, it would only bring him trouble. Because of the sudden movements, your head spun. But it wasn't time to collapse. You turned to your bed and grabbed everything that carried your DNA with sedatives and adrenaline injections. Then, you grabbed a white scrub, wore gloves. The time kept ticking. You rushed to the IT room, hoping no one would see you. You felt too tired. Every muscle screamed in pain. But it wasn't the right time. You found your file and rolled it to put in your pocket. You sat in front of the computer and opened your files. If you wanted to clear your name, you had to do it.

Publishing every crime you did, your past, and your identity. You gulped at the uneasy feeling but kept going. You deleted your footage of exiting the infirmary and froze the view for a few seconds. After turning back to the infirmary, you waited until the cameras worked again. That was when you ran towards the garage and hopped on your car. You felt some of your patches opening. You clenched your jaw and sighed.

Now or never.

You started the engine and drove fastly to pass the gates. Security couldn't stop you as you crushed the gates.

Why Mim family waited that long? It would be much easier for them to make that frame while you were unconscious. Anyway, you thought, I still have things to worry about. You gazed at your torpedo. It was time to visit an old friend.

---

He was cleaning his guns under the dim lights. He sighed when someone knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"Someone wants to see you."

"Who?"

"They say they are an old friend from trainee days."

Hansol stopped cleaning as his eyes widened.

"Let them in."

Someone who wore black from head to toe entered. A mask was covering half of their face while a cap blocked eyes. Hansol couldn't figure out who were you.

"Who are you?"

You pointed your head at the door. He nodded and told them to leave you alone. You took off your hat and mask. Hansol almost couldn't recognize your beaten face. He frowned at the sight.

"Scar?"

"Long time no see, Hansol."

He gulped and looked around to make sure no one was there.

"You shouldn't be here."

He said while looking through the curtains. The only thing he saw was the city lights in the night.

"I shouldn't be anywhere."

"The whole country searches for you!"

"Not just this country."

"How did you get yourself in this mess?"

Hansol whisper yelled. But there was no time for explanations.

"I'm not here to chit-chat. You must already hear what happened."

You took off the gun from your waist. The gun symbolized your connections with NCT. A proof. Hansol looked at the gun, then looked at you with a frown.

"This is-"

"I want you to take and hide it."

"I can't do that!"

"One day, I'll come back for it."

"Scar, that's dangerous."

"If something happens to you nor me-"

You grabbed his arm and pulled himself to you as you forcefully handed the gun.

"Take it to your grave."

"I- I can't! If you leave NCT, they will kill you!"

"But you are alive."

"Because I left before NCT formed!"

"I didn't help you because I wanted payback. But I hope that you can keep the gun."

You stepped back and wore your mask again. Hansol gulped while looking at you with worried eyes.

"They will kill you."

You smirked wryly.

"I already am dead."

That way, you became one with the night. You felt fever burning your skin. You couldn't move further like that. You needed to stay somewhere, somewhere no one would think about. You sighed and opened the torpedo again. There was a key, key to the apartment Taeyong bought you for you to live in after your marriage. You gulped and squeezed the keys in your hand. The residence was close to the company, you could even see it. Maybe it wasn't safe to go somewhere near to it, but you were too tired to think further. After buying energy drinks from the convince store, you sneaked into the building and opened the door of the apartment. It was empty and felt unfamiliar. You couldn't even imagine living here.

Would everything be different if you accepted the mission? Who would live with you here? Instead of dozens of hateful pairs of eyes, you would only bear one. You'd buy simple furniture at first, refusing to accept it here as your new home. Maybe it would heal with time. Your husband wouldn't look at you with anger after awhile.

And, maybe even-

Your hand met with your belly. You shook your head harshly as you sat down on the floor. Those thoughts were unnecessary, no point in thinking impossible scenarios now. After eating a little and taking your drug, you laid on the cold floor. Even your eyes were burning. As long as I don't collapse it's fine, you thought.

Hours ago.

"What's the problem?"

"Min family accepted that Scar is their mole."

"We know that she leaked information. But she was the mole as well?"

Jaehyun asked with a shocked expression.

"Enough!"

Everyone's eyes widened at the sudden outburst. Jisung stood up as he fisted the table.

"She didn't leak the information, okay?"

Jeno tilted his head, looked at Jisung with dark eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Jisung gulped at the scene in front of him. This was what you faced for months. He lowered his gaze, hoping it would help him to speak.

"I lied. My step-mother was blackmailing me. She set up a trap to kill me. But Scar saved me and killed her. I- I was scared of losing you. Scar promised to keep it as a secret, but- I had to do it!"

"You bastard!"

Renjun stood up from his seat and grabbed Jisung's collar.

---

"Nice, keep going."

Renjun smiled at praises and turned to the other moving target with his knife.

"Impressive. You are quick to catch up."

You looked at Renjun pridefully as you clapped your hands slowly.

"That way, you can shut your bullies up."

Renjun's eyes widened as he turned to you. You were smiling wisely.

"H-how?"

"Do you think I don't know?"

You stepped closer and patted his back.

"I know workers here being harsh on you. I tried to stop them, but according to your mood, they still keep going."

Renjun bowed his head shyly.

"I thought I was hiding it well."

"Ah, you were. And I must say that you almost tricked me."

"What gave it away?"

"Your pulse. Remember yesterday?"

Renjun recalled you wrapping your arm around his neck while talking to the workers. You sure were amazing.

"I promise you that once you become a member, no one will dare to open their mouth to you. Since this is elders' building, I can't do much. But don't hesitate to give them a piece of your mind."

"What if-"

"Don't worry. I got your back. You can always use my name."

"Scar."

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

You smiled and hugged him.

"It's okay, Renjun. You are not alone anymore."

---

"It's all because of you! She is dying because of you!"

"Renjun! Step back!"

Jaemin stepped between them and shielded Jisung with his body. Jisung didn't stay silent.

"It's not only my fault. It's also your fault that you believed she'd betray you and treated her like that as if you all were ready to push her away!"

"Jisung!"

Jaemin warned him harshly because he couldn't protect him if Jisung kept his attitude.

"Jisung."

This time everyone looked at their leader. His voice was frighteningly calm.

"You are banned from missions until I decide your fate."

"Taeyong-"

"Go."

They watched their youngest member exit from the office. Jungwoo cleared his throat again. Lucas sighed and turned to him.

"What is it this time?"

"Scar's files leaked."

Taeil frowned.

"Who leaked it?"

"Who has it?"

"The whole country. She is the most wanted person now."

As if that news weren't enough, one of the security rushed inside.

"Sir! A car broke out from the estate!"

Doyoung's eyes widened as he stood up.

"Sangbum kidnapped Scar!"

He rushed out, others following close. But the scene surprised them. Sangbum was laying on the ground unconscious and your bed was empty.

"How-"

"All of you! Find Scar before the government!"

No one made Taeyong repeat his words.

---

You took a deep breath after getting what you need from the hospital. The car was ready. But this big show required an audience. You looked at your new cheap phone and dialed the number.

Most of the members were in Taeyong's office, sharing what they found. Everyone fell into silence when the phone started to ring. Taeyong's shaky hand quickly went to his inside pocket. The number was unknown. He signaled Jungwoo to detect the location. Jungwoo nodded and got on the work.

"Hello?"

"Taeyong."

Hearing your voice after days made Taeyong sigh in relief.

"Scar, where are you?"

"This is not important right now. Are others with you?"

"Yes."

"Put me in speaker."

Taeyong frowned but did as you said.

"Listen carefully, NCT. This is my last gift to you."

You sighed and looked at the rearview mirror.

"I'm leaving NCT."

"What the hell are you saying?"

Yuta yelled at the phone.

"Scar, come back home. We can handle this."

Kun spoke nervously. You chuckled bitterly.

"Home, you say. My decision is final."

"You know what that means, right?"

Taeyong warned, hoping that it would change your mind.

"Of course I know."

"You can't even cross the border alone."

"We'll see about that. Have fun with moles and your rotten family. I'm tired of fighting back."

"Scar-"

But the only thing Sicheng heard was the beeping sound of the phone. Taeyong turned to Jungwoo.

"Did you detect the location?"

"Yes."

"Sent it to everyone. Bring her back!"

Everyone nodded and left the office.

You finished the water bottle and started the car. Your hands were sweating. The road which laid in a forest was the drop scene. You looked at the CCTVs and recognized Lucas's car. It was easy since he was exceeding the speed limit. The first audience was ready. You dialed another number once more.

"119, what's your emergency?"

"I have a report to make. Y/N Y/L/N is in 100 kilometers in Capital Region First Ring Expressway."

"Excuse me, miss. How did you-"

You hung up and speeded the car.

"Can't you go faster?"

"I'm doing my best!"

"I should've driven instead!"

Yangyang pouted and crossed his arms. Lucas sighed in annoyance. They finally caught a glimpse of your car.

"There she is!"

"We have visitors."

Yangyang looked behind and saw dozens of police cars.

"They wouldn't make a fuss over exceeding the speed limit."

Yukhei's hands tightened around the wheel. Yangyang nodded.

"They are after Scar."

"I have to let them past."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Others are on their way as well. We can take Scar once they capture them."

Yangyang wanted to object, but that was the best option. They let the police pass them. Yukhei grabbed his radio.

"Police got involved."

"You should've been faster!"

Lucas gritted his teeth in annoyance at Jaehyun's yelling.

"If you think you could've done better, then do so."

He threw the radio on Yangyang's lap.

You checked the navigator and saw how close you were. You took a deep breath and tightened your grip on your bag. Now or never. Perfect timing, or death. The rest of your life depended on those limited seconds. You turned the car to the left because of the bend, jumped to the forest, and activated the bomb. It pushed you further, and you fell hard on the grasses. You felt something sunk in your lungs as you rolled on the grass. But it wasn't time to stop.

Run.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

VV