The pace that he pushed his steed was excessive in consideration of the weight the horse hauled behind it. Though in his haste, he was certain also to take great care in his obscurity. Ma Dai did as he was instructed–including the specifically marked stops to exchange bolts of fabric, amongst other materials and objects meant for trade. Though the entirety of the way to Xuchang, his mind had been racing; thoughts spiraling in vicious circles in remembrance of the letters and the gentle, concluding disclaimers. There was much to question, more to lose, but even more to regret had he not forced the issue. In the end, he got what he wanted: a chance to do something.
But the hours he spent en route wasn’t for naught, and the sheer feeling of overwhelming desire and desperation of arrival was instantly replaced by a subtle, but consuming anxiety. Deliberately slowing the pace of the over-worked mare who willingly complied, a flat palm gently fell upon the thick tendons of the animal’s neck to sooth and calm her, and in response she gave an approving whinny as they approached the gates. A quick scan of goods and a handful of questions later, Ma Dai was permitted entrance without issue. The usage of disguise was not foreign to him, however neither was wearing a facade, and with relative ease, the interior of Cao Wei’s capital was open for him to explore.
Taking great care, Luoyi directed the workhorse through the quadrants of Xuchang, drawing the cart towards the designated location. Upon coming to a full stop, he dropped down from behind the horse and proceeded to unload the ordered materials: imported teas, quality seasonings and other dried delicacies. Amid his work, the maiden nodded both thankfully and knowingly, accepting the goods and giving Ma Dai time to unhinge the wooden fixture and leave the mare behind with the stablemaster. Upon completion, he was given further direction, to which he departed to locate with haste.
Quick strides and a thundering heart carried him through the capital, a veil of material curled around the lower half of his face and shoulders to brace against the colder climate, though intended for ambiguity should he require it. In time, after much weaving with an easy pace to avoid suspicion, he found his objective, and it was before it that he stood motionless. After what felt like an eternity–of riding against the wind without pause for rest, and now, waiting for the world to move–Ma Dai finally lifted his limb to drop a his knuckles into a heavy knock against the humble door.
If there had been one thing Xu Shu had learned through the course of secret letter writing, it was the importance of time. He had done things on the days he received letters in set amounts of time with each minute accounted for. He had been quick about his own body language and learned what to look for--a carefully tied red scarf--on the messenger. Each messenger was different so as to remove suspicion, even though the contents being brought inside Xuchang were the same, the most important being the letters.
Fa Zheng’s letters always arrived in the afternoon, just after security rounds were made, and just after Xu Shu arrived home. These days, Taohua wasn’t around to greet him (she was out and about now in the city capital, more than likely pouring over texts or further inside the opulent palace, looking for her teacher), there was only silence. After Xu Shu changed into his informal clothes, he would have enough time to pull out blank parchment, a bottle of ink and a brush to write up a response before the messenger arrived.
The letters, while serving as some form of catharsis, made Xu Shu hate himself. He wanted to be anywhere but Xuchang, putting his strategies to good use. However, he knew where he needed to be.
Xuchang was where he had begun to build a life. He received promotions, more money, and at one point he’d even gotten a bigger home here but at his core he knew he was all but wasting away. Sometimes he wondered if things would have been different had he stayed with Liu Bei, but he figured the end result would be the same. He would leave the people he cared about behind him. And yet...
It took him weeks to respond to the first letter, even though his gut instinct told him that by the style of the brush strokes that the sender was none other than Xiaozhi (who had long since made the promise that he would always find Xu Shu just when he was needed). When Xu Shu finally did respond, he kept his questions vague but the ending was the same each and every single time:
Please tell Luoyi I’m fine.
Xu Shu had to write those words for himself. Those five words convinced him that staying in Xuchang would do him well, strangely enough. If Ma Dai, the one other person who knew him well was alright, Xu Shu wouldn’t have a reason to leave Xuchang. He could keep his honor-bound promise, and thrive off of letters from outside.
“Speaking of letters...” Xu Shu mumbled as he heard the knock on the door. The messenger was on time as he always was. Had Xu Shu not been so deep in his thoughts, he could have counted the seconds.
As he headed toward the door, he made quick work of pushing open the hallway window just slightly to poke his head outside first. It was a habit, checking for the red scarf around the messenger’s wrist. When the strategist saw it, he resumed his trek to the door and opened it.
“ Ah, good after...noon..” Xu Shu trailed off, as he looked at the messenger first, as he always did.
Something felt different.
“...Might you have something for me?”
