(Script for a silly Youtube video. Feel free to steal it. I don't care. Just let me know. The photo above is completely unrelated; I just like it.)
Her: Oh, please, childbirth is clearly more painful.
Him: Uh, I don't think so. Women are ethusiastic about having kids. How many guys do you know are enthusiastic about getting his nuts crushed?
Her: (roll eyes) Well, let me ask you something. Have you ever seen a vagina?
Him: I have seen many vaginas.
Her: And I assume you've also seen a baby?
Him: Yes.
Her: Okay, imagine that baby passing through one of those "many vaginas" that you've seen. Doesn't that look like it hurts?
Him: Yes, but getting kicked in your jewels still hurts more. They did a study. Getting kicked in the testicles is 27,000 Del units of pain, which is the equivalent to stepping on thirty-eight Legos with your bare feet and then getting trampled by fifteen horses while being forced to listen to a Nickelback album.
Her: "Del units"? Is that even remotely a real thing? That's just something you read on the internet. The only people talking about "Del units" are guys who want sympathy for getting kicked in the balls. No doctors or professors talk about "Del units". It's a fake statistic.
Him: Okay, you asked me question earlier. Now I have a question for you. Have you ever kicked a guy in the balls?
Her: Yes.
Him: (Surprised) Really? Why?
Her: Well, there was the guy at a bar last week who grabbed my ass, then there was that creep who kept staring at my boobs, and the guy who called me a bitch and then this one guy with a REALLY bad comb-over who tried to hit on me at--
Him: Okay, you can stop now.
Her: Alright, but what was the point of that?
Him: The point is that I'm now a little scared of you. I now know not to grab your ass, stare at your boobs, call you a bitch or hit on you if I ever have a bad comb-over because you'll kick me in the nuts.
Her: You bet I will.
Him: Okay so, by that logic, if a guy gets a girl pregnant, are you now scared of him?
Her: What? That doesn't even make sense. This argument might be too hard for you. You may need to rest your head. I think I saw a pillow somewhere over there... (points off-camera)
Him: Well, we need to resolve this debate. We promised.
Her: I know how to resolve it.
Him: How?
Her: All you have to do is look up (points upward).
Him: Look up? Are you serious?
Her: Yes, look up. The answer is right up there.
Him: Alright. (looks up at the ceiling) What am I supposed to be seeing?
Her: (kicks him in the balls very hard)
Him: (squeals in pain and clutches his poor manly parts)
Her: So, do you feel like you won this debate?
Him: (strained and squeaky voice, really hurting) No.
Her: (smiles big, jumps with joy) Really? So, I won?
Him: (nods, barely able to speak) Yes.
Her: You were arguing just to argue, right? Clearly, I made more sense.
Him: (face turning red, completely stunned, about to fall over) Yes.
Her: You know, I really admire you right now. To admit that you're wrong definitely takes balls.
Him: (moans, falls to the floor, curls up in a fetal position, cries)
Her: (giggles) I knew you'd see things my way.