Pumba

I can't bust heads like I used to. But I have my ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

[catchymemes]

[thefrozennhorizon-deactivated20]

Me when I see ankles on tumblr after December 17th

[chewedcorn]

Why?!

[dankmemeuniversity]

[mysharona1987]

[throwbackblr]

Rush Hour (1998)

[advice-animal]

Suddenly jerking awake

[advice-animal]

no papi

[advice-animal]

Ketamine

[advice-animal]

Welcome to Camp Gay

[advice-animal]

Crabs

[just-shower-thoughts]

Somewhere in the world there is some poor soul who holds the record for the most car accidents that were entirely the other person’s fault

[verylittlebird]

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[jujanon-deactivated20260709]

[chipsprites]

me: look, a crab eating a strawberry

my roommate: but he’s eating such small pieces..

me: …he’s a crab

[30-minute-memes]

Avengers roll out

[30-minute-memes]

Let em come