Talk Hard

follow the white rabbit.

[wakeupnat]

I can’t sleep 🙂‍↔️

[wakeupnat]

After a while, when no one comes looking, you start to wonder if you even exist.

[wakeupnat]

They tell me to date more than one person, to have fun. But I don't know how else to explain that I only have the time, the energy, or the attention span for one person at a time. At least romantically. Until they've ruled themselves in (or out).

I don't know how to divide my curiosity.

I like to give people the attention they deserve, until I've learned they no longer deserve it. I want to explore you — your every detail, down to the birthmark on your ear, the sound of your laugh, your breakfast of choice, your interests, and the way your essence makes me feel.

Is this someone I could walk beside, and through life?

Imagine how blurry the world becomes when you're trying to focus on too many things at once. You never give any one person or idea, or work of art, the time it needs to be truly seen, observed, and felt. Imagine missing out on all of those connections because you were too busy wondering what it might be like to stand next to someone else.

[delbaar]

[04k96]

[wakeupnat]

I think i'm broken. When will i learn?

Why do i allow myself to get excited so early on?

But then, objectively, it seems to be within good reason. Like he's asking to see me, he's messaging me every hour, sending selfies to each other, photos of our foods, creating inside jokes, sharing details of our lives, and creating a collaborative playlist to then...

not hearing from him for 12+ hours, to then days in between contact. I'm perplexed.

[wakeupnat]

I have no business squatting 200lbs and yet, I was peer-pressured by the boys (including my trainer) at the gym. And unfortunately for me, I'm competitive.

[wakeupnat]

[looks in mirror, prepares for pep-talk] look, you may be lonely as fuck with no friends but at least you're a boss bitch with a fat ass, six-figures, and a porsche.

[wakeupnat]

I saw C today, and I felt relieved. Nothing hurts. It happened. It's someone else's story now. I no longer feel as though this was a life, a path, (or something) I had "lost."

[svdcvnt]

Everything I’ve Ever Let Go Of Has Claw Marks On It

Artist: David Altmejd

[spiritsdancinginthenight]

[girlfriendsinjeans]

[wakeupnat]

So A is incredibly cute, thoughtful, respectful, educated, very mature, total golden retriever energy, prefers older women, and often mentions how attracted he is to my intelligence. An american boy from a wealthy family and VP of a finance company. But he is only 24 [I thought he was closer to 30]. I am so conflicted by this 10-year age gap. God.

[wakeupnat]

*Please don't reblog. Currently at 160lbs. I need to lock in for the next 3-months. BRB.

[frachella]

https://www.instagram.com/frachella/

source

[wakeupnat]

Personal.

Everything in me wishes I could just not care, that I could just simply have casual sex and forget the guy I've slept with and move on about my day. I wish I could be more like samantha from SATC, hell i don't even think charlotte is as reserved as I am.

But I'm so cautious, too sensitive, too emotional. I've only been intimate with two men in my entire life. It's this long game. And I'm tired. I wish I was built differently.

BUT ON THE OTHER END, i also see sex as the most intimate act you could ever share with someone, so why would I want to give that as freely and as often as others seem to be doing? It wasn't meant to be this casual either. Ugh. Random rant.

[pistoletgauche]