Slept over her house and cuddled her all night and we went to go see the christmas lights together and briefly held hands. But it wasn’t a date. I loved every moment of it though. I was sad to leave. I wish I knew how she felt and what it meant to her. But I also know she’s emotionally unavailable. She’s grieving. She hasn’t been in a relationship in at least 5 years. She said that physical stuff doesn’t mean anything to her. So it’s confusing.
But it’s not. It doesn’t feel confusing when I’m with her. I felt so comfortable in her house, in her bed, holding her. Like if I had done it before. Oddly familiar.
I don’t think she doesn’t feel something for me. I just don’t know what it is, how strong it is, and if she’s going to do anything about it.
My plan remains the same. Be myself. Build a foundation first.
I just feel like sooner or later, we’ll be together. I don’t know if I’m delusional but I feel so confident and sure of it.
The timing might still not be right. But maybe we’re suppose to build our way there, together.
We didn’t speak at all on Sunday until she called me at night. She didn’t want me to think she didn’t talk to me bc she was mad at. She wanted to reassure me that she wasn’t mad and that she just needed time to decompress from Saturday and dealing with the Ryan furniture stuff. I told her that I knew that. And that I had just been worried about her and hoping she’d be okay.
We didn’t text at all on Monday, outside of the group chat. I sent her a few things but she didn’t reply much. She left me on read after I told her something like I hope you had a nice day. She’s also avoidant attachment. Maybe this is part of it?
And she doesn’t owe me anything
It just makes me sad that we haven’t talked talked the way we usually do
It feels like something changed and I’m trying not to freak out about it
I’m trying to reassure myself that she’s just going thru it and it’s not personal. And also that intimacy scares her. And also that whole thing about give attention & then take it away. Also, I haven’t been very chatty. I feel depressed myself.
I’m glad I’ll get to see her on Friday for Danny’s birthday. I hate that I don’t know when I’ll see her again after that. It might be it until the new Year. Idk if she’d bring her fam out to meet us or vice versa or whatever. I reckon she’d just be with her family.
If I had it my way, Id meet her sister. She sounds so cool.
I hope I get to see her after dannys birthday but before the year ends
I’m getting use to seeing her
Maybe distance would be a good thing
