love sick
I thought I had found the one.. after a year of thinking no one would love me, let alone my child, he came crashing in like a fucking hurricane.. he shook me to my core. he made me feel like I was on top of the world, even when we were arguing, and that's what scares me. it scares me because how could I overlook something like that? something so blatantly and obviously wrong. was it because he made me feel like no one ever had? sure, but it was also because it was so new and so fresh that I felt like I was 15 with my first crush and something about that was so calming and reassuring. I mean, here this absolutely GORGEOUS man is, standing in front of me, and I let him walk away because he wasn't ready. he wasn't ready to be all in, and that's okay, because in all honesty, I don't think I was ready either, but I didn't want it to be my fault this time. I refused to be the reason someone left again.. so I tried my hardest to let him know I was all in and wanted him and only him, but that still wasn't enough, and you know what, that's oh fucking kay. for once in my life, I wiped my tears away and wasnt angry with anyone. I truly felt blank- numb rather and I hadn't felt something this deeply, in a while. heartbreak, when you arent even "offical" with someone is something so out of this world I wouldnt wish it upon my worst enemy.. he wants so badly for me to be angry with him, but I can't, I cannot bring myself to look at him in a negative light, because, at one point he was the most positive thing I had going for me. he sets my soul on fire, and we both have so much to fix and work on. there is no doubt in my mind, that he IS my person,and we WILL find each other again.
