gracefully drifting @wanderingwonderer - Tumblr Blog

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endless cycles of ups & downs.. downs overruling the ups. silence overruling the sound. confusion overruling the peace. never peace in our midst.. never peace. in the past it was hugs & kisses, now all we ever exchange is blame. you expect, & expect & expect.. you need & need & need… I merely just try to survive.. survive, survive. distance was supposed to make the heart grow fonder.. well what is one to do if these hearts are growing weaker

weltenwellen

Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001

my biggest fear was the distance. what will keep us together if presence no longer exists. there’s nothing to force the communication… no sad eyes, or warm touch to remind us of the story we’ve built. we’re hours apart and anything can happen during the times I’m asleep & you’re awake. actions.. thoughts.. during those hours can change everything. things done during moments of weakness & loneliness can change everything. as the days go on, & as we talk less & less I feel I’m losing you. because we are in different places how do I know we are not becoming new individuals? individuals who once couldn’t fathom being without each other, now building lives where we’re comfortable being without each other. lives with new people.. new interests.. new hobbies.. new priorities. I thought our fights would bring us closer, but they’re tearing up farther apart. we speak less & less each day. I’m afraid the effort we put into this will decrease less & less, each day. I’m wide awake & you’re sound asleep. It’s morning here & night there. Life is cruel & is testing us… will we make it?

To the woman who let her go…

Thank you. Your loss was my biggest blessing. When we met she was broken… it was because of you. A soul who didn’t think she could be mended again. Loved again. I didn’t think she could ever be saved.. she loved you, she really did. But you let her go, and I can’t thank you enough. It took her months to let you go. Months that felt like years. Because of you, she and I almost didn’t make it. We almost didn’t become what we are today. Because of you, our love story took time.. patience. It took effort… energy. It took weeks of tears, fights… pain. Because of you, I know she loves me. Our love, not built from rainbows & butterflies, but rather heartache & dread. She didn’t fall for me like they do in the movies - it wasn’t quick & in a hurry. What we built wasn’t built in a rush. Because of you it took time to build the foundation we have now… so much time. Because of you she had to learn how to love from nothing; she believed she had nothing to give anymore. Because of you she felt unworthy of love. Because of you, her unworthiness of love made me feel unworthy of love. But guess what? Because of you, we are now stronger than I could ever imagined. I know it wasn’t easy telling this woman, so full of hope for your all’s future, that your story had to end, but I’m so thankful you did. I thank you for not being selfish and for listening to your heart when it told you to let you. I thank you for not staying for connivence or comfort. I thank you for setting her free so she could fall into my life… my story. She’s been so good for me.. good to me. She’s healed me. Mended me. She completes me. She’s who my lost soul has been searching for it’s whole life. For so long I’ve envied you.. envied what you two had.. but today, I can confidently say, I am grateful for you. I am thankful you let go; your actions have resulted in happiness that I never imagined was attainable. I wish the best for you, and I hope one day you have what me and your past lover now possess. So again, I say.. one last time, to the woman who let her go… thank you. Thank you for giving me the yin to my yang. For giving me my person.. my best friend. Everything happens for a reason.. and I am so glad your actions led me to the love of my life.

Destructive-

Similar first four letters as my first name. D-e-s-t-i-n-y. The last 3 letter being “i-n-y.” Call me crazy, but I see signs in everything. What could these last 3 letter symbolize? When I think of the love that stole my heart I think of a simple phrase… “(I) k(n)ow (y)ou. I-n-y. She knows me. She knows me and she accepts me. Though I am quite dest-ructive. I am broken, and at the darkest of nights when I believe I am unbreakable, she molds me. When I think I am unlovable, she loves. When I think I am unfixable, she fixes me. I never could of thought a love like this existed, but it does. She loves me. All of me. Even when I don’t love myself. I never have the words to express what she means to me… what she does for me. When I look at her all the sentences escape my breath and I can never find the reason why. But she is my world… everything in it. My reason for living – she’s saved me so many nights. My love, I want you to know I thank you. I thank you for being you and for accepting me for who I am. I’m not easy to love, by any means. But you make every day worth it. You make every day possible to continue. I have a meaning with you – that meaning being, loving you.

how wicked, this life.. spending more time in silence than in communication.

thecirquedusoul

mama I’m flyinnn

wanderingwonderer

“I am sorry, child, that you inherited my tragedy – for most of us enter this world howling but you entered this world bruised and aching. You were born heart-broken, you little dove, haemorrhaging with grief and demented by the kind of suffering no one can explain. From a very young age, my dear, you will realise that you are nothing like the rest. You have cracks in your bones but not a single sliver in your brain; you suffer by hurting and by remembering. Your soul will tire quickly but you will fall asleep slowly. Your nights will stretch a little longer and hang over a little darker. From a very young age, my love, you will realise that the world is often too much for you and not enough at the same time. The world will tell you that. The world will tell you that you are simultaneously restless and exhausted because you are, deep in your own skin, profoundly and desperately sad. But let me tell you something more: you may be sensitive, but you are strong. You will invite misfortune into your life and accommodate it in your living room. You will chase storms, running toward them with your arms flung and swinging in the air, and you will do it, willingly and repeatedly, because you, my sweetling, have the rarest of souls. You have something that can see beauty even in a hurricane.”

— Storm chaser, jasmin silja (via jasminsilja)

comparison

to be compared to the ones you’ve loved before..

no one is perfect,

but when two are united in the soul & in the heart, there is nothing a flaw can break

or so I thought.

reminded constantly of the things I fail to do.

seems like I’m failing you.

you’re satisfied when things go your way, but as soon as we go astray it seems you forget the good from the past

I don’t expect perfection from you.

I never will.

I accept you for you who are..

I always have.

you’re not happy, but you’re not sad either

I’m not perfect, but I’m not all that bad either

we’re fine. we fight. we’re fine again.. we fight again.

an endless cycle of dysfunction & passion wrapped into something we call love

love is not perfection, but it’s not sorrowful either

you and I..

we’re not _____, but we’re not ______ either

I don’t want to let you go.. but you’re already gone.

Love

Love? What is love? So many ponder the ultimate definition. Is love what I feel when I’m afraid and I think of you? Is love what I feel when I’m warm and all that floods my mind is your embrace. Is love what I feel when I’m in the sky, entangled in the whiteness of Gods creation? The smile an infant gives when they see their creator - the look in a bar when two intoxicated beings lock eyes - the joy felt when the sun touches one’s skin - the stillness in one’s vehicle after a stressful day of work - a walk in a park after a day of rain day - a fresh shower after a day of hard work- the taste of liquid when one’s palate is parched or consuming a meal when one’s belly is empty - the happy ending to a book after reading the complex climax - passing a test after weeks of studying - an episode of your favorite show after days awaiting the finale - an album listened to by a soul you know was created for singing - a full night of rest after days of insomnia. All these things that create subtle happiness. All these things that remind me of how I feel when I think of my love for you.