If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

33 years old, Black, Lesbian, Feminist, Author. BuckTommy, ShadyMariah, Nadine x Chloe, SQ, DQ, Blade/OFC

[wannabanauthor]

I’m in a complaining mood:

My number one frustration as of late is a friend who overthinks way too much.

She assigns her own meaning to everything other people do and takes it as an insult rather than asking someone what they meant.

If someone needs to take time off to help their sick mother, it’s the last straw for her and she doesn’t want him to work for her anymore in addition to not being the perfect worker.

If someone is busy when she calls, she gets upset because she needs help with something important that we did sign up to help with but we also have our own lives.

I could leave stuff for her on her doorknob because she needs the stuff and I’m too busy to wait for her to answer a text or call, but I kept my eye on it until she grabbed it and even waved from afar when I saw her grab it. She didn’t see me and thought it was rude of me to drop it off and leave. I had other chores and errands to do that day and got a late start, so I wasn’t going to wait around for her to respond.

I text her once to give her a heads up about smoking not being allowed in our building anymore, and she sends me multiple texts then calls me, asking how it plans to be enforced and she won’t get kicked out, complaining that I called her and accusing me of overstepping. How? By giving her a heads up about a memo that is relevant to her?

If I respond to her text questions with one word, she thinks I’m mad at her or have an attitude. No, it’s the weekend, and I sleep in late, so I’m half asleep when I respond.

Not to mention the fight we had around Christmas when she made a big deal out of something that I already corrected, and ignored me when I tried to point out that her request wasn’t necessary because it had already been taken care of. She literally refused to listen and look when I pointed with my finger that I had already done what she asked prior to her asking me. Then after that, she sent me a text saying that I was doing too much or overstepping or something, and it was all over her own perceived slights than reality. This is the one time I didn’t respond calmly because I had been doing her a favor in the first place.

And it’s not just me she pulls this shit on. It’s everyone around her.

Yes, I know I need to talk to her about this before it blows up, but I haven’t been in the mood. She’s very sensitive. She’s the kind of person that makes up scenarios in her head and gets hurt by them and then takes out her frustrations on the person she was thinking about it.

She doesn’t know me well enough yet to know what my motivations behind my actions are. Example: She loves that I share food with her and thinks it’s me being nice. However, I’ve been sharing my food with people since I was a teenager. It’s my way of making sure the food doesn’t go to waste because I know I can’t eat it all by myself, and I like to try new recipes.

I’m not the average person, and she’s still learning that her assumptions of my motivations are almost always wrong because my thought process is completely different from hers.

I’m not mad, more like annoyed and slightly frustrated. I want her to understand that not everyone is out to get her, and her anxiety and emotions about an action do not make her feelings factual, and she doesn’t get to lash out or accuse someone of shit based on her feelings.

Hell, even my therapist said that I could talk to my friend but that doesn’t mean she’ll listen to me.

Which is possibly true. I have another therapy appointment tonight.

Anyone have any suggestions? My post is a little vague, but that’s just because I don’t want to go into too many details even though I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a Tumblr.

[wannabanauthor]

The things I like in porn ≠ the things I like in romance

[wannabanauthor]

Random BuckTommy idea:

The Devil Judge

Tommy is Yo Han

Buck is Ga On

Theo is Elijah

What do you think?

[fladurblegon]

love BDSM ( buying dumb sht for myself )

[agirlwithachakram]

The only thing I don't like about that first kiss scene with buck and Tommy is that Tommy is like hey let's start our date at 8:00. You are almost 40. You start dates at 8:00 p.m.? I don't think I would do that when I was 20. I mean first off that's way past dinner time. Second you're going to a movie at like 10:00 p.m.?

And Buck clearly wants to make out some more, so you need to make time for that. Tommy your planning skills are not my favorite. Pick your man up at 6:30.

[kinardnatural]

"You wanna see it?" - Buck canonly giving Tommy the most bedroom eyes while holding a phallic looking object (bottle)

[wannabanauthor]

Did we ever get to see Buck and Tommy holding hands?

[wannabanauthor]

I just had this naughty BuckTommy thought.

Near the beginning of their physical relationship and Buck gets comfortable and knowledgeable about Tommy’s body, so he decides to try edging Tommy.

And Tommy is begging. “Please, Evan!”

“Yeah, that’s right. Say my name,” Buck whispers then swallows Tommy’s next words with a kiss.

Have at it fandom.

[wannabanauthor]

From what I’ve gathered, our ship may be gone for good, and honestly, it makes sense for Tom Minear because he writes like he has undiagnosed ADHD.

I’m not being ableist, that’s how I wrote fanfiction when I was a teenager, and I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 24 years old. I’m 34 now.

I would have these cool ideas for scenes and would write them even though they made no sense and would never be mentioned again in the long run.

I also haven’t had any motivation to write more BuckTommy, but that’s because I’m battling multiple chronic health issues, so my brainpower is limited.

And I’ve since learned that if I want to put cool scenes into fiction, there needs to be a reason for it or it has to make sense somewhat.

Maybe it hurts less to know that Tim Minear is just a fucking moron who fell ass backwards into being a showrunner. I’m sure others can list more of the storylines that were randomly just dropped or ignored.

[wannabanauthor]

Food for thought: Why was Tommy’s first instinct to run whenever something went wrong with Buck?

I’m curious to know other people’s POVs on this.

[wannabanauthor]

I have another slow burn idea: Tommy’s helicopter crashes, and the 118 have to rescue him, and Buck is a combination of anxiety, guilt, fear, regret, as they make their way towards him. Eddie helps keep him sane while they search.

Tommy is unconscious when they find him, and if it wasn’t for the adrenaline Buck would have had a complete emotional breakdown.

Because in real life, head injuries that knock you out have a chance of becoming a TBI and/or brain damage. This is what’s going through Buck’s head.

They get Tommy to a hospital, and he’s rushed into surgery. He survives with a few broken bones, fractures, gashes, and bruises. Thankfully, Tommy passed out from the pain, not a head injury.

Buck does not leave his side, and when Tommy wakes up he’s startled to see Buck there.

Buck fills him in on what happened. Tommy says thank you and that he’ll reach out to the 118 as well soon. He tries to tell Buck that he’s fine, and that his medical insurance is pretty decent so he can get a home aid (listen here, I know about health insurance in California and Los Angeles, so that’s unlikely but this is for plot reasons). Or maybe he lies about that and just has a decent savings account.

Buck refuses to leave and promises to help Tommy recover, and it puts them in an awkward position.

Tommy. Like any normal human being, does not want to be cared for by his ex who implied that he no longer had feelings for him.

Buck finally breaks down, crying, and he says that for his own sanity, he needs to make sure Tommy recovers. And that Tommy took care of him when he was cursed by that dead guy, so it’s only fair and reasonable for Buck to help Tommy through this.

Tommy can’t argue with that. Especially since Buck is hysterically crying as he speaks. So he agrees to let Buck help him.

When he finally gets discharged, he’s hesitant to leave. The last thing he wants is to live with his ex-boyfriend for a few months while he heals. But seeing Buck’s face light up whenever he looks at him, Tommy can’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach. He was an idiot to push Buck away.

[wannabanauthor]

I kinda want a slow burn fanfic of Buck and Tommy, but those two are canonically super horny for each other, so navigating that chemistry and prolonging it would be difficult.

Their meet cute would have to be different from the show. Maybe they meet on the job working the same accident. They meet each other a few more times on other accidents, and then Buck introduces himself, and they become acquaintances.

The tour would still work, but the plans with Eddie will get scrapped, but Tommy still has plans. Buck invites him out for a drink, but Tommy has a date and so he’ll need a rain check on that.

Something irritates Buck about it, and like any neurodivergent, he’s pacing, ranting and rambling to himself about why he feels so weird. He chaos it up to just really wanting to befriend Tommy.

And they do become friends once they finally go out for that drink. Buck is nervous and rambling, meanwhile Tommy studies him hard while also listening to Buck’s rambles. They both take an Uber/Lyft home, and Tommy tells Buck to text him once he got home.

Buck feels butterflies in his stomach when Tommy says that, and he texts him as soon as he gets home. He falls asleep remembering how Tommy laughed and smiled when they were at the bar. It makes him feel all warm inside.

They really hit it off as friends as months go by. They start spending more of their free time together. And it slightly affects their social lives with others. Buck talks about Tommy a lot. Tommy doesn’t talk as much about Buck because he knows how that would come across to the people that really know him. But everyone notices how he lights up whenever Buck texts or calls him.

When it comes to Tommy’s dating life, Buck notices how vague Tommy is whenever he talks about his dates. It takes him a minute to see the gender neutral terms and pronouns. He also notices that Tommy rarely says their name or if he does, it’s a gender neutral name.

Buck is curious, so he starts studying Tommy, trying to figure out what his preference. What Buck doesn’t realize is that he too starts using gender neutral pronouns for the women he occasionally dates. Tommy picks up on it.

It’s almost like a dance as they try to figure each other out. Tommy, of course, is in the “trust but verify” stage that Buck is into him. But Buck is still figuring things out.

Buck finds out that Tommy is gay when they both on dates at the same restaurant. Buck sees Tommy, but Tommy doesn’t see or notice him. Tommy’s attention is fixated solely on his date with this hot guy. It puts Buck in a sour mood, and he ends his date early. He goes to sleep, and he has a dream that he was Tommy’s date.

So the next day Buck calls him, and asks is they can talk. Tommy has a few minutes free, so they talk. Buck doesn’t know how to word his question so he just blurts out that he saw Tommy on a date at the same restaurant. Tommy goes quiet, and Buck starts rambling to fill the dead air, and it’s mostly him saying he’s an ally and that it doesn’t change how Buck feels about it, and that last line makes Tommy chuckle. Buck confirms that things are still good between them at the end of the call.

But things get weird after that.

To be continued, my lunch break is over.

[wannabanauthor]

Buck is a slightly bumbling mess, and he’s so paranoid about the potential of Tommy thinking he’s homophobic that he tries to counteract it.

Aka he accidentally starts flirting with Tommy. He wants Tommy to know that he supports him and his being gay. So he leans into every touch or times they brush up against each other. He ignores the “seat buffering” role of heterosexuality. Hell, sometimes he’ll let his knee rest against Tommy’s on the couch.

He’s trying very hard, and Tommy can tell. He finds it slightly amusing, but he knows that with time Buck will strike a balance.

A few months later, Buck decides to surprise Tommy with lunch. Except that Tommy’s on shift, so it’s more like dropping off food for him. It’s something he does on occasion, except this occasion was intentional. Tommy had been for the last couple of months and couldn’t hang out with Buck as often, so Buck thought “I’ll make a lunch meal for him”.

The 217 are used to Buck by now. That’s why one of them feels comfortable to lead Buck to Tommy’s desk and say to Tommy, “Does your boyfriend know that Pretty Boy still makes you lunches?”

It’s supposed to be a light-hearted joke, except Buck and Tommy don’t laugh. Buck’s confused for a minute.

“Boyfriend?” he asks Tommy.

The coworker realizes his mistake and quickly leaves making up some bad excuse.

“Yeah, uh, I have a boyfriend now,” Tommy says, keeping his voice even.

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck asks.

“I wanted to keep it to myself for awhile. It’s still kinda new.”

Buck squints eyes while he thinks, and realization dawns on him. “So that’s why you haven’t been free to hang out. How long have you two been together?”

“A little over a month,” Tommy says but keeps his expression neutral.

“You still could have told me. You’re fine telling your coworkers but not one of your friends?”

“Evan, that’s not it,” Tommy says.

“Isn’t it? You don’t trust me enough as an ally to be cool with you having a boyfriend,” Buck says. He starts to look very hurt.

“No no no no no, no! That’s not it, I swear.”

“Then what is it?” Buck asks.

Another coworker walks by and says, “Because the boyfriend is intimidated by you, Pretty Boy.”

Tommy shoots the coworker a glare. “That’s not-“

“Pretty Boy?” Buck asks, looking at Tommy.

“I had nothing to do with that! I swear!”

The same coworker adds, “it was either that or twink.”

Tommy’s face goes red. “Please just go. We can talk later.”

“Fine,” Buck says. “And bring me back my Tupperware.”

Tommy smiles. “Of course.”

Buck leaves, and Tommy lays his head on his desk and sighs. He hadn’t meant for Buck to find out like that. He knows he fucked up. He’s not even sure how to approach the future conversation, and then the alarm for a call goes off.

He’ll think about all that later.

To be continued. It’s bedtime. I wrote that first one day my lunch break and saved as a draft instead of posting it. Sorry!

[wannabanauthor]

Tommy got a boyfriend to get his mind off of Buck when Buck was accidentally flirting with him.

Buck being Buck decides to pop up with food to Tommy’s house uninvited when he knew the boyfriend would be there, and Buck surprisingly has more than enough food for all three of them. He’s not as subtle as he thinks.

Buck tries a little too hard to get on the boyfriend’s good side, aka he accidentally flirts with Tommy’s boyfriend.

Once he leaves, the boyfriend is like “Does he realize-“

“Nope.”

“So what happens now?” The boyfriend asks.

“What do you mean?” Tommy furrows his brow.

“It’s clear that he cares about you. A lot. And I don’t really feel that comfortable with you hanging out with him when he can’t even tell he’s flirting with someone.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust him.” The boyfriend corrects. “You’re a grown man, and you can do whatever you want. But if you want us to stay together, I need you to set some boundaries with him.”

Tommy doesn’t say a word.

“Are you serious?” The boyfriend scoffs.

“He’s my friend, and I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you.”

“So I guess that’s it then.”

Tommy doesn’t say anything. He can’t. He watches his ex-boyfriend leave, and then he just sits down on the couch to process what just happened.

He ignores Buck’s texts and calls for the next few days. He doesn’t even know if he’s punishing Buck or himself for what happened.

He just needed a moment to clear his head.

Then there’s a knock on the door.

Tommy sighs and opens it, and Buck is on his porch with a 6-pack of Tommy’s favorite craft beer.

Buck looks so apologetic and adorable that Tommy can’t help but smile.

“So…I don’t realize until I got home that I fucked things up,” Buck starts off. “I am so sorry. I just wanted to get to know him and show him that I’m cool with him.”

“I know,” Tommy says. “Come on in.”

Buck walks in and closes the door while Tommy fetches them some glasses for the beer.

They choose to sit at the dinner table, where it still feels super awkward.

“How badly did I mess up?” Buck asks.

“It wasn’t you.”

Buck looks confused. “What do you mean ‘wasn’t’, oh shit, y’all broke up?! I swear I will hunt him down and-“

“For fuck’s sake, no! Leave it alone. Please,” Tommy says exasperated.

“I really am sorry.”

“I know,” Tommy says and takes a long sip of his beer. “You didn’t bring food?”

“You still have my Tupperware, so no.” There’s this little brat glint in his eye that Tommy finds intriguing.

He chuckles to himself and gestures to the dish washer. “They’re in there.”

“Do you have any groceries?”

“No.”

“Okay, then let’s order delivery. I’ll pay,” Buck says.

Tommy feels a flutter in his stomach that he quickly pushes out of his mind. Buck is just being a good friend. That’s all it is.

Buck orders but refuses to tell Tommy what and where from.

Tommy feels himself relax a bit, especially after starring on his second beer.

Buck is rambling about some new recipes he wants to try and asks if Tommy still wants to be his guinea pig.

Fuck, he’s adorable.

Tommy feels relief once the food arrives, so he has something else to focus on.

Buck looks so proud when he shows Tommy the takeout bags. Buck ordered from Tommy’s favorite burger place that pairs well the beer Buck brought.

Tommy can’t help but smile for the rest of the night. He’s glad he chose his friendship with Buck over the relationship with his ex.

By the end of the night, they don’t even remember the guy’s name.

Buck also sneakily ordered dessert from Tommy’s favorite dessert place.

Tommy knows deep down that these are all apologies and bribes, but he doesn’t care. Buck’s an amazing friend, and he’s not giving this friendship up for anything.

Tommy’s too focused on his thoughts to see the same warm smile on Buck’s face.

To be continued. I need to order and eat dinner (light snack more like).

Tagging @fenrirscarsback @ceeceekayblog

[wannabanauthor]

Part 4

When Tommy wakes up he decides to unofficially puts his dating life on pause. It’s not because of Buck. Tommy just doesn’t want to waste anyone’s time. He has an active social life, and a boyfriend doesn’t fit into his schedule right now..

At least, that’s what he convinced himself.

Buck had stayed over that night and was sleeping in the guest room.

Tommy tries to keep his head clear while he cooks breakfast for them. He tries to not think about how cute Buck is when he smiles. Or how adorable his laugh is.

He almost succeeds, but as he’s plating the food, Buck walks into the kitchen with bed hair, and it really looks good on him.

“Hey, good morning,” Buck says softly, well as softly as he can while slightly still sleepy. “Is all of this for us?”

Tommy grins. “Of course. You’re not the only one who knows how to cook. The coffee is ready if you want some.”

Buck takes in the homemade continental breakfast spread on the kitchen counters. Some of his favorite foods are already on a plate for him. There’s this flutter in his stomach, and he tries to ignore it. His face does get slightly pink.

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to do all this for me,” Buck says.

Tommy playfully bumps Buck’s shoulder with his. “Well, you cook and order food most of the time, so I wanted to return the favor.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet of you,” Buck says. He spies a fruit tart topped with whipped cream. He drags his finger through the whipped cream and licks it off his finger.

Tommy is suddenly grateful that he has pants and an apron on. When Buck’s not looking, he tries to adjust himself. He tries to tell himself that’s it’s nothing, and that he only thinks of Buck as aesthetically attractive.

Fuck, he needed to get laid. There were plenty of men he could find who would be interested in being fuck buddies. At least it would take his mind off Buck’s low moans as he ate breakfast.

Buck lingers after breakfast once Tommy told him to make himself at home while he went to work out.

Tommy does Muay Thai in his garage, and it helps get his mind off of other things. Sometimes he wishes he had someone to practice with. Someone he could pin to the floor and roll around with. Someone who looked hot when sweaty and had very kissable lips.

Yeah, he really needed to get laid. And for the next week, he’s very successful at getting a few bed partners. But it never feels like enough, even when he’s drained dry.

It also means that he doesn’t hang out with Buck as much, and he does feel guilty about that. Buck’s a good guy and a good friend. If there was anyone who would understand getting chronically laid, it’d be Buck.

Luckily enough for Buck, there’s a new member at the 118. Eddie.

There’s some friction at first, but they warm up to each other. One day Eddie goes to play basketball with other firefighters, and he meets Tommy.

They click pretty fast and become friends.

And Tommy finally has a new sparring partner for Muay Thai.

Problem is that Buck drops by one day and sees Tommy and Eddie are sparring, and Buck feels some kind of anger building deep inside, but he tries to shrug it off. He does his best not to glare at them or interrogate them, but he does not like seeing them get along so well without him.

So Buck does a Buck and Tommy does a Tommy.

Buck drops some not subtle hints, and Tommy offers to teach him. Tommy knows it’s a bad idea, but he had to do something after seeing Buck glare daggers at Eddie.

Tommy tries to tell himself that it’s normal for Buck to be possessive over a friend, though he’s not sure which one of them he’s being possessive over.

Buck insists on a beginner lesson at that very moment, and Eddie is grateful for a break. Since the weather is warm, Buck takes his shirt off, showing off all kinds of tattoos littered around his very muscular and sculpted body.

Tommy refuses to let his eyes linger, but he does catch Buck studying him like he’s a puzzle.

Eddie pops back over to say he’s gotta go home, and then he’s done.

Leaving Tommy alone with a shirtless Buck.

Tagging @fenrirscarsback @ceeceekayblog @pluralityofaxes @stars-inthe-sky @peoplemakemesick @avid-readerofthe-fiction @setmeatopthepyre

[wannabanauthor]

I have a crazy batshit BuckTommy idea:

Since they’re both single, they’re out dating folks.

What they don’t know is that they’re dating the same men.

And Buck accidentally ends up on dates with one or two of Tommy’s exes.

And they run into each other at a restaurant with their dates who had gone on dates with them yesterday:

Example; Buck’s date is the guy Tommy went out with the previous night, and Tommy’s date went out with Buck last night.

A fun coincidence.

[peppermintquartz]

My favorite Tommy Kinard moments (in no particular order):

Not without feeding you

Dude you already gave him a good ride, a good night, and all that on a bare mattress, and then you went to get ingredients to make a full spread, and you also got champagne. Champagne! You're also an idiot to run away

Cursed cowboy funeral

Like, sure, let's dress up for some mummified cowboy remains because my boyfriend thinks that's the only way to lay a curse to rest, and look devastatingly handsome doing it

First time kissing Evan Buckley

Romantic, sweet, surprising, so fucking tender. Gimme them back.

Coffee not-date

He looks so cuddlesome. I would've gone nonverbal for about ten minutes while I took in all the softness wrapped around that big frame. And then I'd say "come to the wedding with me as my future husband"

God I hope so

He knows what he likes in bed. Very confident, very sexy, very much something I appreciate.

Flirty Tommy

Evan Buckley, you are taking those flying lessons and the payment is loving this guy for the rest of your life

The Nose Crinkle Smile That Ended Me

Fuck you. Why did you have to be so cute and charming and cute and handsome and cute

Forget Spumoni, You're Now Dessert

He looks so good in this shirt. Nothing else matters in this scene (shut up shut up shut up)

Beast Mode Tommy

Yeah I'd have made out with him right there and then too, forget the wedding.

[fairytalegonewronga03]

🩵💜🩷

[wannabanauthor]

I don't do Bully Romance

At all.

It's gross.

But...

Wrestling with Love has me in a chokehold.

Gay bully romance where the bully is obsessed with his target and vice versa seems to be the only exception I can tolerate.

[wannabanauthor]

Hey fellow BuckTommy shippers. While we wait on news for our ship, I recommend watching gay male romance vertical series. The chemistry is amazing, and while the plots might be predictable, it’s still a stellar experience to watch.

Here are some of them:

Straight Until He Kissed Me

Poolboy

Sneak Me in Your Closet My Prince

Waterboy

Wrestling with Love

I highly recommend these.

[wannabanauthor]

Do you know what it’s like to forget that you have vertigo?