My best friend got engaged yesterday and I’m so happy for her and so distraught that I will never get to feel that feeling or experience a married life. I feel like my karma for dating a married man is the fact that he adamantly doesn’t want to remarry and I said I don’t want to get married either; but now that we can be together finally after 2 years of waiting, I’ve noticed over the last few months that I find myself wanting to get married. And now I can’t backtrack and say I want to now, because what if he ends things because of it? He’s the best thing to ever happen to me and I can’t lose him. I don’t know if this is a passing feeling, I’ve felt like this since the summer. But the thought of not being able to deepen our relationship and commitment further leaves me feeling like there’s a little hole in my heart. I don’t even want it for a flashy wedding or an insane ring or a title. We could just get it done and tell no one, or have a ritual in the woods together. I don’t care. Idk maybe I should just try and push it all out of my mind
