not the droids you&#x27;re looking for

wbulily:

That’s my boyfriend! She very well could have, that’s not exaggerating. She seems like the type to do that. I think so too. People just like things to bitch and complain about, I’m sure it’ll blow over soon. Incestuous? I mean, you know, live your life and all, but they did that on Game of Thrones and it didn’t end well for anyone. That’s alright, it was a great story! The most interesting that I’ve heard all day, really. I wish I had an interesting one to tell you in return!

Chickie, you have to tell me all about him! I think she might have too. I would’ve been done for. But thanks for the vote of confidence, maybe you could stir up some good press for me online? Not like real incest, but he’s my best friend’s cousin, so, you know. Incest. I don’t watch Game of Thrones… they don’t treat their gays nicely. Thanks, man! I’m sure you’ve got so many cool things to tell me. Rack your brains.

Well, he’s the best person I know! He’s a mechanic, he can fix anything. Which is good because I can break anything. He’s proper sweet, too. Just a darling. I can try! I’m not great at Twitter but I will do my best! I’ll start a nice hashtag for you or something. Oh, yeah, I guess that’s still really awkward. They don’t, do they? It’s sad. Not really, I mean…my mates like to play pranks on each other sometimes, if that’s interesting? Dan put a firecracker in Cullen’s cereal the other day and it was real funny. You know, until he had to clean it up.

wbulily:

That’s sweet of you to think so! Dalton’s even better with kids but I get on pretty well with them, they’re funny. Panic button? They have that at hotels? I suppose that was good of her, as much as I’d like to see you smack down with the mean hotel lady. The internet will jump on anything they can, the wankers. I do hope no one’s being overly horrid to you though. I don’t know that I know a Dustin but he sounds silly.

What’s a Dalton? I don’t know. I mean, I might be exaggerating or what the fuck ever, but I’m pretty sure she was about to sick security on me. I think it’s probably a good thing Ella didn’t let me hurt anyone. It’s all in good fun. Some people are already submitting my name to ‘your fave is problematic’ but most people are just ripping me a new one. Dustin? Dustin’s a babe. I’d totally go there if I thought I had even a hint of a chance with him and it wasn’t semi-incestuous. Wow, I just talked for such a long time, man. Thanks for listening to all of that.

That’s my boyfriend! She very well could have, that’s not exaggerating. She seems like the type to do that. I think so too. People just like things to bitch and complain about, I’m sure it’ll blow over soon. Incestuous? I mean, you know, live your life and all, but they did that on Game of Thrones and it didn’t end well for anyone. That’s alright, it was a great story! The most interesting that I’ve heard all day, really. I wish I had an interesting one to tell you in return!

wbulily:

I’m supposing not. Not to be up my own arse or anything of course, but you know. Shaping young minds and such. I understand that, I’m not offended. I’ve got the little little ones, 5 and 6 years old, I’m not sure I’d do so well with teenagers. Did you jump her? I think you should have. And maybe gotten it on camera. Oh my god. Quinn! I mean, to be fair, that’s justified. I think so anyway. Was she terrified deep into her very soul?

Be up your own ass! You do so fucking much. Five and six, though? You’re practically a saint. Man, I hate kids. But… no, I didn’t. I was about to, and I could see her like, reaching for that panic button! Then Ella rounded the corner and sort of restored reason to the whole situation and avoided getting my cute tush thrown in jail. And well, that’s the thing! Someone took a video and some pictures and you know, people just keep tweeting me the words, ‘I could buy your fucking life’. And then the other day Dustin said it to me in casual conversation. Bastard.

That’s sweet of you to think so! Dalton’s even better with kids but I get on pretty well with them, they’re funny. Panic button? They have that at hotels? I suppose that was good of her, as much as I’d like to see you smack down with the mean hotel lady. The internet will jump on anything they can, the wankers. I do hope no one’s being overly horrid to you though. I don’t know that I know a Dustin but he sounds silly.

wbulily:

I am! I wanna know what happens! Oh, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have assumed, that’s not cool. Oh, what a bitch. People have told me that, too. I’m a teacher, and I went to uni for music and apparently it’s not a real job. I’m sensing that this wouldn’t have been as bad if she hadn’t called you sweetie. What did you say after that?

Really? Do these bitches know being a teacher is like, the backbone of our society? You guys get paid shit all, too. I wouldn’t do your job for shit. No offence, chickie. I just kind of hate kids. And teenagers, come to think of it… anyway, I’m just about ready to jump her. Like, really. I’m ready to hop over the counter. She’s spewing some nasty vitoral about real jobs and YouTubers, and I lean over the counter, I get like majorly fucking close to her face, and I lose my shit, chick, I go like… blind with rage, and it’s like… I was floating up out of my body or some shit, and I just hear myself hiss, “I could buy your fucking life.” I don’t know who the bitch was that said that but, that bitch wasn’t me.

I’m supposing not. Not to be up my own arse or anything of course, but you know. Shaping young minds and such. I understand that, I’m not offended. I’ve got the little little ones, 5 and 6 years old, I’m not sure I’d do so well with teenagers. Did you jump her? I think you should have. And maybe gotten it on camera. Oh my god. Quinn! I mean, to be fair, that’s justified. I think so anyway. Was she terrified deep into her very soul?

wbulily:

Yes! She looked up your info, that’s a good sign. I’ll bet she missed you too, is she your girlfriend or? Ooh, what? What did she say? You’re a proper good storyteller, I’m enthralled.

Look at you, you’re absolutely gripped, I’m gonna have to make this a storytime video. Wren? Oh, no. I’m very enthusiastically into penis. But alright, this woman, this check in lady, looks me deadass in the face, purses her lips and says, “Oh, well that’s not a real career, is it, sweetie?” Sweetie! Are you hearing this, Lily?

I am! I wanna know what happens! Oh, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have assumed, that’s not cool. Oh, what a bitch. People have told me that, too. I’m a teacher, and I went to uni for music and apparently it’s not a real job. I’m sensing that this wouldn’t have been as bad if she hadn’t called you sweetie. What did you say after that?

wbulily:

So, you’re sweating profusely then. And having two full cases to carry probably doesn’t help, either. She walked away from you? That’s some proper shitty customer service, isn’t that the sort of thing you’d get sacked for? I’m with you, what happened next?

Exceptionally shitty customer service, right? So I’m like, man, you gotta help me out here. I have a meet and greet in thirty minutes. So she logs back onto her computer, starts looking up my information, making small talk. I’m pretty tired by now, I just wanna go up to my room and call my baby girl because I miss her profusely, at this stage. And she asks what brings me to Boston, right? So I tell her I’m a YouTuber, you know, here for a YouTube convention? And you know what she says next? Oh man, you won’t believe this.

Yes! She looked up your info, that’s a good sign. I’ll bet she missed you too, is she your girlfriend or? Ooh, what? What did she say? You’re a proper good storyteller, I’m enthralled.

wbulily:

It’s nice to meet you too, officially and all! I get that, checking out of hotels is a bloody nightmare sometimes. Did you bitch her out in return? Or hop the desk and fight her or something?

A total nightmare. I very nearly hopped the desk! I was stood there, all saddled with bags, sweating like a nun in a cucumber field, just wanting to check into my room… I have a meet and greet to get to in thirty minutes, and this check in lady is trying to leave for the day and she’s giving me attitude? She was halfway through serving me and then she just up and tried to leave because her shift ended! I mean, that’s so wrong, right? You’re with me, right?

So, you’re sweating profusely then. And having two full cases to carry probably doesn’t help, either. She walked away from you? That’s some proper shitty customer service, isn’t that the sort of thing you’d get sacked for? I’m with you, what happened next?

wbulily:

Nah, it’s alright! I just second guessed myself and didn’t wanna make it awkward if you weren’t Quinn Bleeker, I would have been embarrassed. I’m Lily! That sounds good to me, he’s good at keeping secrets.

Well, I am he! It’s nice to meet you, Lily. But ok, I kind of had an issue checking in at my hotel a few weeks ago? I was at this YouTube convention - yeah, we get it, Quinn, you’re a big YouTube star - and this lady behind the desk couldn’t get me my room key and she was like, bitching me out, you know, man?

It’s nice to meet you too, officially and all! I get that, checking out of hotels is a bloody nightmare sometimes. Did you bitch her out in return? Or hop the desk and fight her or something?

wbulily:

Bloody hell, that’s why you look familiar! You’re Quinn Bleeker! I promise, I won’t tell! And Chewie here won’t tell either. He doesn’t have pinkies but you can….paw swear?

Oh, shit! Yeah, that was kinda majorly dickish, right? I just expected you to know who I was. Lame. But I’m Quinn, what’s your name? We can just pinky swear and I’ll take it on faith that your dog won’t grass me up later.

Nah, it’s alright! I just second guessed myself and didn’t wanna make it awkward if you weren’t Quinn Bleeker, I would have been embarrassed. I’m Lily! That sounds good to me, he’s good at keeping secrets.

wbulily:

That’s properly awful. What are people saying?

Well, chickie, I’m about to treat you to some unreleased YouTube material, like a real, honest to God Quinn Bleeker storytime. Because I was admittedly kind of a dick and it’s just circulating online. But you have to take this to your grave, capeesh? Like you have to double dog pinky swear this goes no further.

Bloody hell, that’s why you look familiar! You’re Quinn Bleeker! I promise, I won’t tell! And Chewie here won’t tell either. He doesn’t have pinkies but you can….paw swear?

wbulily:

I haven’t, but why would that make you a dick?

There’s some pretty uncool shit circulating about me online… like, fuck, I shouldn’t be laughing. But it’s… kind of so terrible it’s hilarious.

That’s properly awful. What are people saying?

Ok, I mean, you’re looking me in the eye right now, man, which means you haven’t logged into Twitter yet and you don’t know how much of a dick I am.