$LAYYYTER
AnasAbdin
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we're not kids anymore.
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@jfcdalton
↳INSTAGRAM: @cullendaking uploaded a photo:
Merry Christmas from me and my clearly adopted brother @daltondaking
@indyxoxo: Yaaaaaaaaassss Dalton! Slaaaaaaayyyy 🙌 This is why you’re the #fav, don’t be a scrooge Cul! 😜👏
@daltondaking: This is precisely why I like you more than Cullen. @indyxoxo
Dalton: Thanks for not murdering me for the many chances you've had while knowing me. You're a true sport and on a totally unrelated noted I also told Cullen last night that you knew about the Lily thing before him so live up this birthday cause it could potentially be your last HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TEXT: IVY
Ivy: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IF YOU, JACEY, CULLEN, OR DAN EAT MY BIRTHDAY CAKE I'LL FIGHT YOUR ASS
Dalton: You know that chick in that one hunger games movie that constantly repeats tick tock? that's me
TEXT: IVY
Ivy: well, shit, if it isn't the inferior daking ;)
Ivy: kidding, kidding
Ivy: thanks, dude. i'll see you later? dan said there's cake. and where there's cake, there's an ivy
Dalton: A cake residing in an apartment with two Daking and two Sledges. The cake has an expiration date. Time's a'tickin. Tick tock, Ives. Tick tock.
Dalton: Kidding of course. I think.
TEXT: IVY
Dalton: Happy birthday, Ivy. For the amount of shit you give me, I still think you're quite alright. Hope the day is easy on ya! We'll have to weasel you to our flat within the near future to celebrate your existence and shit. 👌
↳INSTAGRAM: @lilymarie uploaded a photo
you are my life’s best part. @daltondaking
@daltondaking: right back at ya. love you, lils
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: UGH I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT. using my own good advice against me. it's shameful.
Dan: so it'll be me, jace, and cullen. haha, she'll be so THRILLED
Dan: I'm well and truly on my own here wow
Dalton: I'm just taking your expert advice that you so adamantly raved about. Don't back out on me now, Sledge
Dalton: FUCKING HELL she is going to hate me. This is exciting. She can fill my shoes. I'll play the world's smallest violin for her.
Dalton: HAVE AT IT have fun. you guys are married anyways work it out
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: yeah a murdery serial killer vibe
Dan: so I knew before Cullen?? interesting. veeeeeeeeeeery interesting
Dan: he could give us all some pointers I think
Dalton: You're the one that said she would love it no matter what i did MOVING ON
Dalton: FUCK OFF he's already going to kill you and me because of it
Dalton: Perfect timing for me to break the news that at some point if she says yes i'm gonna move out and you can deal with his wrath on your own
Dalton: Speak for yourself in the one ring shopping.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: yeah that's not creepy or murdery sounding at all, go with that
Dan: another question just for the record. am I the only one that knows?
Dan: he's a stud, what can I say. that's how I didn't raise him.
Dalton: It's got the good 'i intensely love her' vibe don't kill it
Dalton: N..................yeah unfortunately you were the first shit that snooped around and found out before I could talk to anyone about it.
Dalton: He's a fucking ladies man, I tell ya.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: Maybe not, she might swallow it
Dan: LISTEN THAT IS actually a good point I have no excuse
Dalton: "I just really wanted to make sure you got it"
Dalton: That's what I thought. And where do y'all stand now? I'm pretty sure Remy gets around more than you.
Dalton: Legit, how does the dog have more of a fucking social life than all of us
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: no I'm saying that's a brilliant idea did you even listen
Dan: of course, it's what I'm here for. matchmaking and giving bomb advice
Dalton: Fucking sold. I'm stowing the ring away in a McFlurry
Dalton: Says the man who literally went on your bike searching hi and low singing Uptown Funk and shouting HOT GIRL HOT GIRL. I can't believe I didn't come to you sooner. I can't imagine why I didn't.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: well, yeah. but you know what I mean. and I'm not saying she won't appreciate it if you make it really nice, but you don't need to worry about fucking it up either.
Dan: yeah I know. rude.
Dalton: So you're telling me taking her to McDonalds and proposing with a chicken nugget is probably a bad idea?
Dalton: But seriously, thanks. I mean, not thanks for snooping my laptop and finding out before I could even tell Cullen cause he's not gonna let me live that shit down but.. seriously, thanks man.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: I mean maybe, but she isn't gonna expect you to do it exactly that way. she's not one of those. like...I don't know a lot about her childhood and shit but I know she didn't really have a family before us. before you guys. she's gonna be so happy no matter how you ask.
Dan: ps that makes her your lobster dumbass
Dan: whatever she didn't deserve me anyways
Dalton: I owe a lot of that to you guys, you know. I didn't do all this shit on my own. And yeah, I know she will. I just /want/ to make it at least decent. She deserves that.
Dalton: Nah, she didn't. She did only give you one extra nugget. Literally one.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: wouldn't have it any other way
Dan: dude. calm down. listen, I know it's probably scary as shit. I mean, the closest I came to proposing was to that girl at mcdonalds that gave me an extra chicken nugget that one time, but I can imagine. you just tell her that, how you feel. but man, that girl loves you. no matter how you do it or say it or fuck it up you know she's gonna say yes. in the words of phoebe buffay, she's your lobster.
Dalton: I know. I don't know if she's gone through that girl thing where they idolize their dream proposal and shit. I mean I think everyone knows I love the hell outta her. I don't see a future without anyone else. She's it. I'm not calling her my lobster, you fuck.
Dalton: Also, Dan... I'm pretty fucking sure you did actually propose to her. Your denial is clouding your memory. I'm sorry buddy, I know the rejection was hard.
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: what the fuck is this family
Dan: ok listen though you know she'd think it was really cute. but like please don't cut my dick off I like it where it is thanks
Dan: Idk man. You gotta get down on one knee so like, think of your location. don't wanna be kneeling in like dirt or some shit. do you know what you're gonna say?
Dalton: A fucking gold mine that you are married into that's what this family is.
Dalton: I've literally only just now started to look at rings. I figured once I find the right one stuff will fall into place better. I don't know. I've never fuckin proposed to anyone I don't know how this shit works. But, I mean, she's family now. I want her to feel like that, you know... more than that obviously. But shit I mean, I've got a general idea but nothing like... set in stone or some shit. Besides you two fucking idiots, she's the best thing that's happened to me. It's a lot to think about and a lot of ways to think about not fucking it up
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: There's no point there wouldn't be a wedding clearly. A FUCKING CHEESECAKE. WAS THAT A GODDAMN PUN YOU ASSHOLE
Dan: Oh my god. Oh my god. I won't tell him but oh my fucking god. Like its about time but I might cry. How are you gonna do it??
Dalton: You can bet your fucking ass it was a goddamn pun. You can't honestly say you DIDN'T expect me to pull it. It's a tradition, you know. You gotta carry it on. You can't be a Daking if you don't.
Dalton: Yeah, I KNOW. I haven't got the slightest fucking clue and if you suggest some kind of Star Wars theme proposal I swear to fucking god Daniel Sledge I'll cut your dick off myself and feed it to Remy and watch Cullen and Hayden cry in misery while I sit in pure glee.
Dalton: On a totally unrelated note how the fuck do people propose?
TEXT: DALTON
Dan: you can't slip one past me. detective dan is on the case
Dan: oh my god oh my god should we have a winter wedding???? WHAT KIND OF FOOD SHOULD WE SERVE??? i guess it doesn't matter since we're in love it'll be perfect either way i have to go pick out a dress now oh my stars
Dan: seriously dude, what's the hap????
Dan: I don't know but if I'm not your maid of honor then honestly what's the fucking point. We all know Cullen's best man and bride will be you. I'll even make you guys a fucking cheesecake for the occasion.
Dalton: Listen, don't tell Cullen about this. I want him to hear it from me. But yeah, the ring's for Lils. Or at least the browsing is. I've never really had any doubt that she's the one as fucking cliche as it sounds.
