I logged onto my vent side blog dump account for.... closure I think? I need to dump another one but man its. Been a couple of years since I was in this place, literally & figuratively. I never thought I could handle a job. I can’t sometimes, but I mostly do. I never thought I could get better, but I think I have. I never thought the story would change. But I think it has.
It used to be 2 scared kids dealing with more than they could handle. It used to be horrible and depressing and inescapable and those 2 kids were me. It used to hurt. It used to really hurt. I made this blog after my friend struggled with self harm, and I was as well. I was never suicidal but I was always so scared. I needed a way to cope. I needed a way to think of the worst possible case scenarios and I needed to think they were escapable. I needed 2 characters to project all my fears and problems onto and I needed them to live, even if we both didn’t want to.
And they did. A lot has changed. I’m not totally free of self harm, I do have moments, I still have bad days and nights and of course I’m still depressed, but the story has changed. I’ve got a job, not the best one but what else can I ask for. I have the startings of arthritis, idk my gender but its just... not cis I think. I might be moving out in a few months. It’s not perfect and it’s never going to be but the story changed. I pulled myself through. And these 2 boys were with me. I thought about this story less and less but they’re always there. I was with them when they went through the same things that I did.
So I guess this is a stupidly cheesy thank you to some double fictional characters. Idk man I’m just tryin to get closure somehow. I feel like a big part of my life is changing, I’m leaving behind a lot of the stuff I used to need to cope. i dont know what the future holds but i know theyll always be there with me
