stay strong. we'll make it through this.

hi im emma and i cry a lot.

[webecrying]

and the tough times, return

[webecrying]

[webecrying]

I like the dark. I like that no one can see me, and that neither can I. I like that your eyes become useless, and that all you 'see' is black. I like that in the dark, you cannot see, but you can feel. all you can do, is feel. whether it be a warm and shaky breath, or a singular touch. maybe even a steady heart beat, or a racing one. it could be your own, or perhaps not. but you cannot see it, so you cannot know, but you can certainly feel the gentle thud. or maybe you can feel a body. a body painted with a fragile exterior. you can run your hands along it, becoming familiar with its every aspect. perhaps you'll find a bump, or a bruise, or a scar. and maybe, you'll trace your fingertips over it. and take it in. and understand it. because when your feeling, you can understand. but when you see, you just simply see. I like that. and I like the dark. I like that no one can see me, and that neither can I. I like that your eyes become useless, and that all you 'see' is black. I like that in the dark, you cannot see, but you can feel. all you can do, is feel.

[webecrying]

hello, it’s time I introduced myself.

I have finally built up the courage to show my face and introduce myself to you all.

I’m not scared anymore to tell you all. because I accept myself and who I am now.

and who am I?

my name is emma. I am 16 years old. and that is me up there ^^

((not the happiest picture of me but what did you expect for this account haha))

I enjoy reading and writing and pretty much all genres of music. one day I hope to either be an actress or a writer/editor/publisher. I’m Australian and I live with my two sisters and my mum. I really like eating mayonnaise and drinking tea. I also collect socks and am hopelessly in love with harry styles.

I also have depression and anxiety. and I accept that. it’s part of who I am. now it’s not necessarily my favourite part of me, but the more I deny it, the worse I will be. the sooner I accept that, the easier it is to deal with it. and get help.

because yes, I did receive help. I built up my courage and told my mum about how depressed I had been feeling and how I had been harming myself. it was honestly the hardest but best thing I have ever done. now I know that I am still not okay, but I am afraid to think of what would have happened to me if I didn’t reach out and get help. now, I am about 8 months clean and slowly working through my depression. my anxiety has still been quite a problem, but I’ll get there.

so yeah this is me.

I also just wanted to give you guys a quick update on how this account is going. I apologise for not posting in so long, and being so inconsistent. but to be honest with you, I can’t continue posting what I was posting. to me, now, posting depressing, black and white restricted photos, is not helping anyone. it’s not helping you, and it’s certainly not helping me. but I will continue to post some of my writing occasionally, or something to check in with everyone. if anyone has a problem with what I post, feel free to unfollow.

as for the messages you all send me. I apologise deeply for not replying to everyone. but sometimes I simply don’t know what to say, or if I can even reply. I just want to let you know that I do appreciate them ALL so so much. more than you will ever know.

I hope everyone is doing well. I know we can all make it through this. whatever your ‘this’ is.

sorry for this being so long, and thankyou to everyone who actually read it,

stay strong beautiful people, hang in there,

emma xx

((oh and if you wanna know more about me, my main blog is raciingmiinds.tumblr.com sorry for the self promo hA ))

[webecrying]

Hey I put a drawing of one of your posts on my blog 💕💕 I love your blog btw xx

thank you so much xxxx

[cordi-the-cloud]

[webecrying]

I love this !! thank you, it's nice to be appreciated like this xxxx

[cordi-the-cloud]

[webecrying]

I want to die. what's the point in pretending I don't ? who benefits by me acting like I want to be here? because I don't want to be here. I want to drop dead. in fact. if someone were to break into my house right now threatening to shoot, I would probably be smiling. I would stand there with my arms wide open. waiting for it all to finish. waiting for my heart to stop. the blood to run. and my body to turn cold. because then. the pain will be nonexistent. and no one will exist. to me at least. no more anything. NO MORE. I WANT IT NO MORE. SO BLAST MY BRAINS OUT I DONT MIND. I WELCOME YOUR BULLET WITH A SMILE.

my head

[webecrying]

but it doesn't really matter does it ?

[webecrying]

for most of my day, I am sad. but the saddest part? waking up in the morning. opening my eyes and realising that I'm still here. I'm alive. and I have to go on. the feeling of everything starting again, all the sadness and the anger. the feeling of knowing that you have to get up and keeping moving, even though there is NOTHING in the world that sounds worse. the fact that simply waking up causes me so much pain and that getting up takes so much effort and energy and strength. because waking up is a reminder that you are alive and getting up is a reminder that you have to live. and to me, there is nothing sadder than that.

my head,

[webecrying]

the world can be as bright as you want, but at the end of the day, the sun leaves. the lights are turned off, the sky is black and we are alone. dark, tired and alone. it gets too much and the darkness takes over. i am controlled by the shadows and my brain clouds over with the inevitable thoughts that haunt us. then the nightmares come and taunt what shred of sanity you struggle to grasp onto. and you can fight and fight but the light can't break through the black and the night takes you away.

my head,

[webecrying]

howdy! how is everyone ? what's happening ? how we feeling ? listen, I was thinking of maybe posting some things I have written sometime. would people like that and be okay with that ? let me know. hope your doing well x

[webecrying]

one day something’s going to break, and the shards will be too enticing.

my head,,,

[wordsnquotes]

“I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today.”

Charlotte Eriksson, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles; in search for The Great Perhaps (via wordsnquotes)

[webecrying]

HELLO!

well hey. it's been a while. I wanted to let you all know that, no I'm not all good and fine yet, actually in some ways worse than I was before, but I'm trying. I'm trying so so hard to get better. I'm trying to be strong. I have depression, yes, and at times it affects me so much that I don't want to be alive anymore. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm working so hard to get better. And yeah I go really backwards sometimes, but that's expected. I'm trying so hard. And I really hope you all are too. Yeah, mental illnesses suck. A LOT. But you shouldn't let them win. They don't deserve to win. I know that at times, you just want to let them. You want to let go and disappear. And sometimes you just accept the fate your illness has decided for you. But you can't. You have to push past it ! You have to work and work and, yeah, it'll be hard. But in the end, isn't it worth it? We all have a chance to be happy and we all deserve to be happy. Don't let some setbacks and chemical imbalances get in your way of that. So, I'm sorry I haven't been around. And I haven't answered your messages or posted, and no, I will not be returning right now, but I just wanted to update you guys on what's going on. I want you guys to stay strong and push past all of this. Just like I'm trying to do. I know, as a person who understands how you feel, it's hard. But we can do it. I have no doubts about that. And know, that if no one believes in you, or you don't believe in you, I DO. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

[webecrying]

[webecrying]