Update
Not dead but God do I wish I was
noise dept.
YOU ARE THE REASON
šŖ¼
todays bird

oozey mess
Xuebing Du
Peter Solarz

JBB: An Artblog!
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

@theartofmadeline

No title available
No title available
occasionally subtle
i don't do bad sauce passes

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Mike Driver
One Nice Bug Per Day
tumblr dot com

shark vs the universe
Jules of Nature

seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States

seen from Azerbaijan
seen from Malaysia
seen from Iraq
seen from Iraq

seen from Germany
seen from Switzerland
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Italy

seen from United States
@websitediary
Update
Not dead but God do I wish I was
July 3, 2019
...
Lord help the thoughts in my head. Getting tired of hating what I see in the mirror.
Lol we stan these moods š
Jan 3, 2019
Anonymous
I hate those websites you can link to your Snapchat and me like āswipe up and tell me what you think of meā etc.
Itās not because Iām worried if what people will say.
Iām scared no one would say anything.
December 26, 2018
New Start Jumble
The day after Veterans Day was when I was told I was moving. Iām moving homes, schools, and states.
Currently Iām just sitting in the bath (the first one Iāve had in forever) just writing this. Musically is quietly playing as the water slowly drains out bc I donāt understand this drain. I already accidentally drained half the bath water just trying to move around.
Itās nice having enough hot water to take long showers and a bath for once.
We moved to the new everything like three days ago and itās been work nonstop. Iām upset that I didnāt get my own room again and Iām in a even smaller one then before but it doesnāt really matter anymore. The carpet is soft and a pretty gray color. Iām also in the corner so thatās fine. We also got a TV for Christmas so when I get a PS4 I could play it in there.
I hope I get a PS4.
So I kinda broke the towel holder thing before I got in the bath and I think I fixed it but Iām not using it anymore. Iāll tell my sis to not use it as well.
Rant real quick, when I told my three friends (thatās right. 3) they really pissed me off those last few weeks. One kept making comments the whole time and the others were like so what you gonna do for college and all that bs. Then itās my last two days and something just messes up. They ignore me, theyāre talking about me, theyāre leaving without me. One is pretending to know nothing so they donāt have to get involved. The next morning Iām thinking everything is fine which itās kinda okay then I step out the car and starts all fucking over again. They ignore me. Iām tired of their shit so I just leave it. Then they hug me at the end of midterms in the parking lot. Like that confused me.
I was so happy when one of them texted me a few days later and of course I texted back. Weāve been texting straight for two days. Though I feel like Iām only there for backup when the others go out without her bc of her strict parents.
AND THE OTHER ONES HAVENāT EVEN TALKED TO ME AT ALL. LIKE ITāS PETTY BUT I HAVE A RIGHT TO FEEL LIKE THIS WITH ALL THAT TALK THEY WERE DOING ABOUT HOW THEY WERE GOING TO DIE WITHOUT ME THERE.
Anyways...
So the move has been normal.
Im in the mood to write something and I donāt have any inspiration so I just began writing this little entry bc I havenāt posted anything in a long time.
ā
Okay so I just thought that when I get famous and someone finds this Tumblr then Iām fucked. š¤·āāļøš«
Iām also in the mood to start a flower garden and to stare at pretty plants and flowers and such~
šø šŗ š¹
I created a Pinterest board to to get and save these~
November 9, 2018
āBecause I said so.ā
I can not fucking wait to move out of this fucking shithole Iām forced to live in. Iām getting real tired of ābecause I said soā and flat āNoāās being the reason I canāt go out.
Like at least I tell you Iām going to a party. Maybe think about that. Or think about the fact that Iām actually being social (just like youāve always told me) and the fucking minute I get plans you say no. Hell I donāt even go out to parties that much bc Iām a fucking loser in school and no one invites me to places.
And then Iām considered a downer or lame because I canāt do anything and Iām also the girl with really strict parents who wonāt let her do anything. Oh and they also track her car and can see who she texts ššššš.
So fuck you guys. Iām moving out the second I graduate.
October 1, 2018
Future
I really want to go into the criminal justice field but everything I want to do requires me going through an intense training camp and Iām really not made for that. They start off their day by running for an hour and I literally can not run at 100% for an hour. Iāve pushed myself and barely could do a lap around a softball field. For all the sports I played, Iāve always been the slowest and the weakest if I had to add another adjective. Iām going to have to change my major even before I start college because Iām scared.
Iāll be the slowest and the sickest during these trainings. The sergeants or whatever are going to yell at me because Iām slacking. Hell, Iām crying right now writing this. How am I going to handle being yelled at in front of tons of built strangers by someone who is tough as fuck and doesnāt care?
Like Iām just scared and I donāt know what to do. I donāt want to be stuck in some lab. I want to be on the field working and helping people but Iām not going to be able to pass the training.
I just donāt know. Iām worrying and stressing and crying about this. My mom says that I should just adjust now if I want to be ready for this but how? Iāve tried working out and eating healthy and it doesnāt stick. And I donāt have and will never be able to have a personal trainer to help.
I hoped writing this out will help and act as if I was ranting to someone but it doesnāt and I feel like itās getting buried in the back of my mind where it will constantly cause me to freak out.
September 26, 2018
7th Hour
So Iām in my last class, english lab, and none of us are wanting to do anything becasue itās HoCo week. Well everyone had changed seats because some people checked out and they wanted to sit with there friends.
Well it started with this guy, who is a left handed pitcher for baseball, left the room. I had to do IXL and I heard the teacher say āDonāt take his stuff from his wallet.ā I look up and one his friends that we is sitting with has taken his wallet and started emptying it out and putting everything on the table. Then he starts unhooking the keys from his key chain and putting them on the table. The teacher is asking why because she is trying to grade papers and the guy will be loud. Well he comes in and his two friends were laughing and Iām hiding my smile. He asked what did they do and he says his hates his friend.
Well then his second friend leaves and I look up to see the left handed pulling everything out his other friendās book bag. When his friend walked in he looked so done.
Then as class begins to end the friend who messed with his wallet and keys had to move to charge his iPad. Well he leaves and I see the left handed guy get up. He grabs the guyās iPad and I turn back to my IXL. Well I notice he wasnāt sat down and I glance up at him and he hands me his friendās IPad. I panic and say āOh God I donāt want this.ā and I turn around and give it to my girl behind me. She doesnāt want it so she gets up and hides it under our friendās chair. By now I have lost it and there are tears starting to run down my face as I silently laugh. My girl is laughing, his friends are laughing and his friend walks in. He knows itās gone and he starts searching the other guyās bag. Iām bent down staring at my iPad and covering my mouth.
A bit of time has passed and he was gone through another guyās stuff and pushed the left handed around. The left handed kept saying that I took it and the teacher, messing around, says that I took it because you would never suspect me to take it because I look innocent. Iām saying that I didnāt take it, because I didnāt, and he keeps looking. Well he comes over and snatches my IPad and keeps asking where is his IPad. Iām telling him I didnāt take it and he says he believes me so I take my IPad back.
Well it has gotten to the point where the teacher has gotten up from her desk and is now telling the person to give him back his iPad. I turn to the left handed pitcher and tell him where it is and he laughs. He tells his friend to step forward and when he does the left handed guy says āColder.ā He then proceeds to lie about who has it before he finally looks down and sees it.
Then the teacher left the classroom to see who was making the noise and one of the guys goes āSomeone hide her laptopā and she comes back and tells us not to touch her stuff.
What was weird is that Iām not close to any of those guys and I was having a shitty day and that made by day a bit better.
Except Iām still banned from my friendās speech teacherās class.
September 2, 2018
Parking Spots
Seniors got to paint their parking spots and I have everything but the words!
I want to add something like āSeniors Assembleā or something like that but Iām worried Iāll mess it all up.
August 21, 2018
Add it to the Collection
From shitty guy, to shitty guy, to shitty, I find a guy I click with.
Quick summary, weāve been talking about three- four days straight and he asks me out.
I ask my mom if I can go out at that time. She begins to ask lots of questions.
I spill.
She says No.
She goes over to my dad who is visiting and he says no.
Guess I can add him to list of shitty relationships. š
...
I donāt even know how to tell him that my parents have never met him but they hate him.
I donāt even know how Iām going to tell him we canāt keep talking.
Iām just sorry, dude. Iām bad luck when it comes to this stuff.
July 31, 2018
Windows Down
So Iām heading home after getting groceries and a drink and as Iām on like the main road to go home, a song I like comes on. So I turned it up like anyone else will do and roll the windows down.
As I do so, Iām passing a few people and I even out with a nice black car with their windows down as well. They too are blaring their music.
Well I look at the driver and for a bit we make eye contact. We smile at each other and I stale back some as me and my sister chuckle.
āDid he look at us?ā She asked and I nodded.
So I speed up some to pass him and wait to see what he does. Well he speeds up some just to pass us, throws his hand up through his sunroof and takes off.
āDonāt.ā
I ignored my sister, pass the person in front of me, and sped after him. (Still staying under the speed limit my mom set me). I pass him, giving him a peace sign, and he smiles. Sadly, he couldnāt pass me because he had to turn.
So to the black guy smoking your blunt with all your windows down and blasting music, respect. We friends now.
imagine having money wow i just got chills
July 28, 2018
First Concert Convo
Alright so check this out.
Before the concert even started, Iām waiting for the gates to open to the concert area and I sign (like American Sign Language) to my sister that there is an emo to her side that I thought was kinda cute. Well after she comes to sit down, I tell her what I was signing (which was literally just the word āemoā and subtly looking in the guyās direction) because I barely know any ASL but Iāve been dying to be fluent in it blah blah, Iām getting off topic. My sister and I then start to chat and then this guy just appears in front of me out of no where.
He is moving his fingers and I thought he was trying to tell me that I looked familiar. Ya know, like when someone has like their hands to their mouth and they goodness me and all and starts talking with their hands. Well I played along and was like wow you look familiar. I was wrong. He says some place that starts with C is where his from and Iām like omg maybe he was looking at my hat and liked it. Wrong again!
The whole damn time he was signing to me and having some convo and my dumbass is like āOh, he is trying remember who I am.ā
Finally he tells me he was signing and he saw me signing and he came over to join because well how often is it that you meet someone who uses ASL.
He asked if I knew it or something and I was like very little then he signed something else like really fast and I had to be straight with him and tell him I didnāt catch any of that. Well he said he signed his name and told me and Iām like hi and the second we shook hands I forgot his name. Like poof. Gone.
Now Iām talking to this guy embarrassed as hell. Because Iām socially awkward, Iām having trouble fixing on what he says even though he talks smoothly, and I keep repeating my little mistake about how I couldnāt remember his name (etc).
He tells me he is here for the concert as well and how he likes the band and I tell him that this was one of the first bands Iāve listened to in this category. Then he mentions another band and Iām like shit. I didnāt hear him so I thankfully say I donāt think Iāve listened to them. Lucky he said bye quickly without the awkward pause and went back to his family.
Iām honestly like so embarrassed bc he said his name and I canāt remember it and he started to sign and I had to tell him I didnāt really know it and just ugh. Iām overthinking this and I keep trying to calm myself but Iām finding more things to stress about.
July 50, 2018
Iām Ready
We had to go to Books-A-Million to get some books for school and not only did I find my two favorite books (White Fang and Call of The Wild by Jack London) combined into one but I managed to get Grimmās Complete Fairy Tales.
Iām already on the 7th fairy tale, The Good Bargain, And so far Faithful John is my favorite. Iām ready to get to some that I have heard of like Cinderella and Hansel and Grethel and see how different they are suppose to me.
Itās so much thicker then I thought; itās the size of my palm. Also the cover is beautiful. Since itās from the 1812ās (not the actual book but the stories and all) it has like this 1812 theme and itās just beautifully vintage.
Pics of front, side, and proof of thickness:
i am 100% for women responding very rudely and aggressively to disgusting unsolicited messages or dick pics from men on the internet
iām friends with a girl who got a random, unsolicited dick pic from a guy she didnāt even know in his mid-20s when she was only 17, so she took him to court and now heās a registered sex offender
Oh my God I didnāt know I could do something like that
Can we as millennials and gen-zās collectively agree that NObody Cares about elbows on the table like Why was that Ever A Problem for Anyone?? We can chill right?
2 .but chewing with your mouth open is still gross and bad. keep that locked up
Mood
June 15,2018
Theme Songs
Itās about 5 AM and my little brother has left his tv on. I can hear the very old theme song from Scooby-Doo and now Iām emotional.