â synopsis: something about the stars has always intrigued tsukishima, how even in the dusk of the night, the brighest star would light up the world and burn itself in the process. he also didn't know what to do when that star had turned into the person who seemed to make his days just a little bit better.
â warnings: nothing much, except angst. just soft yet also mean tsukishima who doesn't know what to do with those feelings of his. maybe he's a little ooc. based on "andromeda" by weyes blood.
stars, so miniscule, so far away from his touch, so beautiful even with the stygian waters that it swims on.
every night, after practice, tsukishima would walk his lethargic body home with his headphones in his ears, his neck bent backwards it could snap. but he didn't care, he wanted to watch the stars move and follow him.
he wanted to watch all the dead stars who shined the brightest, the stars that had turned into supernovas, the stars that are created. and he felt at peaceâ the soft rhythm and reverb of the song humming in his ears, and the stars that lead him home.
and occasionally, adding to his visual and auditory senses, a sweet drink on the palate of his tongue made his evenings better.
tonight was no different.
he had just bid his goodbye to his teammates, although timidly and without masking that annoyance he'd always bore against the little tangerine boy who always had a little too much energy.
tsukishima begins his journey, using the stars as his map, putting his hands in his pockets. yamaguchi hadn't joined him for tonight. actually, he hasn't joined him in a while, always walking yachi home, using her "safety" as an excuse (it really was the reason, but obviously there was another one).
still, he didn't mind the absence of his friend.
anri's soft doo-wop brings pleasantries in his ears as the song begins. his fingers tap inside the pocket of his gym shorts. he looks up at the night sky and connects his own constellations. tsukishima wonders if those stars ever know that they're being admired by millions of people in this planet, even if they'd died billions of years ago.
as a child, he used to think that the stars were the meteors that had killed his beloved dinosaurs. and every night, he would refuse to look up. but then akiteru, despite finding humor in his little brother's childish belief, had decided to tell him the difference between meteors and stars. and then added more information about those stars.
so now tsukishima loved three things: dinosaurs, strawberry shortcake, and stars.
his feet patter softly on the cobblestone that serves as a pathway to his home, the cool air drying the sweat off his temples and cooling his back, which reminds him to wipe his sweat when he gets home before he showers to avoid getting sick.
and then he suddenly comes in contact with a small body.
just outside of sakanoshita market, tsukishima's chest bursts in sudden (but light) pain from the person's elbow. and that person had emit a small noise of surprise and pain, stumbling backwards.
tsukishima was just about to snap, tell the person to look where they had been going and call them an idiot when his eyes met yours.
they're wide, irises darkened from the night's haze, and you're clutching your elbow, headphones askew. you rub the soft skin, a small pout on your lips and tsukishima wonders how painful was it for you to pout like this.
then you look at him and he feels the air stuck in his throat.
pretty.
"oh! sorry. i didn't mean to bump into you." you bow in front of him, hands pliant at your sides. tsukishima's at lost for words, lips only parted and looking at you. he still hasn't said anything when you bring yourself back up again.
"it's- it's okay." he finally stammers out, pausing his music and moving his headphones off from one ear. "sorry for not looking either." tsukishima bows slightly, just tilting the top half of his body.
you smile lightly at him, hanging your own headphones around your neck, scanning his figure. he suddenly feels shy under your curious gaze, watching as you read the print on the left side of his chest.
"karasuno...? ka-karasuno! i go there," you laugh lightly, like that discovery was the greatest news you'd ever heard. "i don't think i've seen you around. well, maybe because i'm new. i'm such a dumbass."
though the last sentence being a whisper, tsukishima contradicts: "n-no. i haven't seen you around either." he takes one step forward towards you, didn't expect himself to be nearer than he'd planned. "tsukishima kei."
you tell him yours in a polite manner, with a smile so bright you'd beat the stars that hover both of your bodies. "you're part of the volleyball club, aren't you?"
he hopes you don't see his wavering blush in the dim lights. "yes."
"cool! what position?"
"middle blocker."
"that's so cool," you face him, neck bent upwards to meet his eyes, hands forming into excited fists in front of you, like how hinata would get enthusiastic about something. "you're really tall. i bet, i mean if you could, you'd hit the streetlights when you jump."
that theory piques his curiosity. his eyebrows raise. "i haven't given it a thought. i will try it soon though." tsukishima finally removes his headphones and leaves them around his neck. he points to the bag in her hands. "what'd you buy?"
"chocolate milk. ukai-chan is your coach, right?"
"how'd you know?"
"i see him enter the gym everyday after classes. he owns this store," your head motions behind you. "can you tell him his mom is a little mean? i actually preferred it when he was watching over the store."
tsukishima smiles a little. "can't. he's our coach. he might actually drop us for his store."
your laugh may be brighter than anything else in existence.
"okay, well, see you around tsukishima-san." you smile at him, the pearls of your teeth glinting in the moonlight, the whiskers of your eyes denote the glee you've obtained from him and tsukishima softens just a little. you wave at him and walk past him.
he turns around, and even though your back was to him, his hand lifts and waves at you.
tsukishima walks home happier than he expected, a small smile lingering on his face.
đ â
"who you looking for, tsukki?"
yamaguchi serves his friend a teasing smile, holding the tray carefully in his hands. tsukishima looks down at his friend and deadpans:
"shut up, yamaguchi."
"sorry tsukki."
they sit down on the table hinata and kageyama sit on, the two bantering quite loudly on which flavored milk was the best and is advisable to increase their energy. kageyama says: "banana, you dumbass."
hinata argues that: "it's chocolate! it makes people hyper for a reason. could you watch your language?!"
tsukishima and yamaguchi sit beside each other, their backs to the window of the cafeteria, which meant that tsukishima has a view of the entire room, his height being an advantage despite the large crowds.
he blindly brings his bento out of his box, his eyes never leaving the heedless crowd. yamaguchi, ever the curious, most specifically the friend who always wondered what it is that ran through tsukishima's mind, asked again: "seriously, tsukki, who are you looking for?"
tsukishima huffs. "just sawamura-san. i need a-advice. on my blocks." the lie slips easily off his tongue that yamaguchi can't decide between believing him or forcing the truth out of him.
but tsukishima is slightly disappointed that even after five minutes, he still can't see the color of your hair amidst the throng of students. though his face might say otherwise (rbf), he can't help but feel a little sad.
maybe the star isn't shining so bright today.
he pokes and prods at the vegetables placed on top of his rice, stabbing the carrot and shoving it in his frowning mouth. he doesn't notice that hinata has been observingâ no, looking at him. because hinata was never the type of person who could be discreet.
"stingyshima, you look sad," he doesn't know if it's a tease or not, but maybe it is. "is he looking for someone, yamaguchi?"
"i don't know," he shrugs. "he says he's looking for sawamura-san."
"he's right there," kageyama jabs his finger behind him, seeing daichi in line for the cafeteria food. "your blocks haven't been good? figured."
"sorry if i haven't lived up to your standards, king." tsukishima sneers. yamaguchi and hinata laugh, kageyama burning in his seat.
eating his lunch ended quite faster than he thought it would, and soon he finds himself walking along the hallway of the school building waiting for the remaining free time to end. so his boredom drags his feet towards the nearest vending machine.
the device on his ears blocked out all the haze and noise of the world, which left him in his own environment. it eased the nerves that trickled along his veins, rubbed the tension off his shoulders. in his own milieu, he could think whatever and say whatever and do whatever.
just like how stars form themselves however they please, explode and die whenever they want to. tsukishima didn't have better knowledge of stars than he knew of dinosaurs, but it was his own thought and he had the freedom to think whatever it is (although of course, with just a little bit of accuracy and validity).
tsukishima's eyes scan the plastic divisions for the sight of any strawberry drinks. when they land on one, he types the number and slips the cash in. the conveyor belts begin to twist.
but much to his dismay, when the drink was pushed, it never fell.
he tuts in frustration, his head falling backwards to release a tired, irritated sigh.
and then you pop up beside him.
tsukishima jumps lightly when he sees you put your head out and smile at him, clutching his heaving chest. somehow, your laugh had managed to drown out the song in his ears; he doesn't mind though. he thinks your smile was the most beautiful orchestra ever conducted.
he puts his headphones around his neck. "they're incredibly annoying, aren't they?" you smile up at him. "here, i'll help you."
suddenly, you begin to violently shake the vending machine. tsukishima almost feels embarrassed for you, but the lack of audience has rid that feeling. you, with your height, looked like a child angrily throwing a tantrum and had transferred your anger towards an object.
nonetheless, adorable.
finally, the strawberry drink fell down, and you squat to pick it up from the port to give it to him. tsukishima takes it from you and says: "thank you."
"no problem!" you beam at him. "i was actually looking for you earlier. i couldn't see you. did you eat at your classroom?"
tsukishima removes the plastic of his straw. "no. i was at the cafeteria." he doesn't want to admit he's looking for you too, but he hopes you can see it in his eyes.
(you don't. to you, he looked uninterested and entertained at the same time. very hard to read)
"aw, alright. well, i was just wondering if you'd like to, uh, switch emails?" you're shy and he finds it amusing. "not switch like i use yours and you use mine, but switch like i take yours and you take mine... so we could text each other..."
he wants to say that he knows, he's not dumb. but youâ your eager eyes of softness look up at him and he forgets how to be so cruel and cold. like you were the kind of fire to melt the falling snowflakes. tsukishima nods.
"sure." he pulls his phone out with one hand from his pocket and hands it to you. you take it and give your phone to him, and it felt smaller in his hands.
when you exchange phones again, there's shyness written across your face. tsukishima can't help but blush with the way the sun kisses your skin the way it would to tainted windowsâ radiating colors so beautiful he can't help but simply be at awe towards you.
a star is created somewhere far away. tsukishima's heart skips a beat.
"i was actually looking for you, too. earlier." he admits, putting his phone back in his pocket. "i couldn't see you. sorry."
"don't be sorry!" there goes that smile again, always making his heart flip. "we both struggled anyway."
"do you want anything?" he points to the vending machine. "chocolate? banana? strawberry?"
"can i try yours first?"
tsukishima pauses, the straw in his mouth just finishing his sip. there's innocence in your eyes that riles him up the wall in ludicrous ways. he slowly takes the straw out between his lips and hands it to you, with you greedily taking it from him before his hand met you halfway.
he swears he could've been redder than any other person in the world when you so shamelessly put his straw in your mouth.
should i be worried about the germs or the fact that we kind of just kissed but not really?
when you sip, you swallow and he can see your brain ponder on what decision you were going to make. you hand it back to him and say: "yeah, i like that one, too."
how could you act like you didn't just drink from his straw?
tsukishima gets you one, this time without shaking the vending machine and hands it to you.
"thank you." you say, your smile adding to your gratitude.
though it seems as if time has reached its end and a familiar sound rings across the hallway that reminds the both of you that the free time was over. tsukishima sees your pout but you don't directly show it to him.
"well, see you around, tsukishima!" you wave goodbye to him, walking away.
tsukishima stands still, staying at his place. his drink was no longer cold, the condensation dripping down his fingers.
somehow, the colors are brighter, the drink was sweeter, the tension from his body had disappeared, and everything else felt lighter. and even if you were no longer standing in his proximity, that luster you left behind etched itself to him.
you were now his new environment.
đ â
you. hi tsukishima! 3:13pm
when his phone dings, he places his waterbottle to his side, tuning out the sound of squeaking shoes and bouncing balls. he sees your name on the screen. he doesn't hesitate to text back.
tsukishima. Hi. 3:13pm
his palms sweat from simply typing that greeting. but his heart seems to beat faster and his chest feels light. he didn't expect that you'd text right away. nevertheless, he feels elated to see you text him.
you. didnt see u at the gates earlier during dismissal, do u have training today? 3:15pm
tsukishima. Yes. 3:15pm
you. oh really? until what time? 3:18pm
tsukishima. 7. 3:18pm
you. okay! thats kind of tiring haha. 3:20pm
tsukishima. It is. 3:20pm
he winces at the possible tone he may deliver, so he adds:
tsukishima. Haha. 3:20pm
"bruh, you text so lame."
it seems that tanaka had been peaking over his shoulder as the conversation ensued. tsukishima hugs his phone to his chest and glares at him. "that's invasion of privacy."
"and that's how to lose a girl," he points at his phone. "you text like you're so uninterested."
yamaguchi looks at the two. "who's tsukki texting?"
"some girl named, uh,â"
"no one." tsukishima snaps. "no one."
"oh, it must be the one tsukishima was looking for earlier," hinata runsâ or skips towards them. "stingyshima flirting? i wonder how you look like. i'm smart, but i won't tell you that i'm a smartass because i wanna impress you with my blocking skills. i'm so cool and so tall."
tsukishima hates how hinata mimics him. he bites back. "oh, i'm hinata. i'm so small."
much to his dismay, even sugawara had joined in. "you could tell her that, you know, i'm so tired. but i'm drinking water so that's good enough for me already."
he responds with respect, though dripping his annoyance. "sugawara-san, please don't mimic me."
his phone vibrates again, and everyone else leans in to look. tsukishima snarls and moves away from them, clutching his dear phone to his chest.
you. any chance we could drink later? 3:27pm
you. not alcohol, of course. just milk or juice, or a shake, even yogurt. although, we can't drink yogurt... 3:27pm
tsukishima feels yamaguchi peer over his shoulder, and he knows its him because of that distinct smell of his. he doesn't hide the phone away even when yamaguchi says: "she's asking you out! go!"
"calm down, yamaguchi."
he shakily types his response.
tsukishima. Sure. By the store again? 3:27pm
three dots, he's awaiting for your response.
you. okay! see you there :) 3:28pm
đ â
his practice ends at 7 on the dot. tsukishima has never left faster in his life.
though he was always the first to leave, bidding them goodbye before walking his way home. this was differentâ his goodbye bore that sense of urgency with a twinge of excitement as he clumsily slipped his regular shoes on, walking as fast as he could away from the school campus.
coach ukai had actually offered that they go back to the store together, but tsukishima was in a rush.
it was an eight minute walk to the store. he got there in five.
you were no longer wearing your school uniform. you had your hands at your sides, rocking back in forth from the heels of your feet, your headphones bobbing along with your head as you listened to your song. tsukishima wonders how he would approach you.
a tap on the shoulder? yell your name? appear in front of you? should he turn you around violently and smile awkwardly? should heâ
"tsukishima-san!"
he didn't realize that he had spaced out, blinking. you approach tsukishima as you discard your headphones to hang them around your neck, stopping just a few friendly feet from him.
"how was practice?" you pip. "you look exhausted."
tsukishima reddens. "i'm alright. same practice anyway," he rubs the back of his neck. "should we go inside? i'm thirsty."
he hopes he doesn't sound too demanding. but you reacted normally, gave him a pretty smile, and led your way towards the store.
coach ukai's mother sat behind the counter, sporting the same cigarette in her mouth, a garbled greeting escaping her without bothering to look up as she read her newspaper. you and tsukishima find your way to the back where the drinks are.
he opens the door for you, the appliance bulb casting a white glow over your face as you bent and searched for what drink made your veins twitch with excitement.
"by the way, you know yachi hitoka?" you balance your hands on your knees, looking up at him. "she's your manager right? i'm in her class!"
"really?" he queries, swallowing thickly. "you're really smart, then. it's one of the higher classes."
"i try," you shrug shyly, looking back at the selection of drinks. "anyway, i asked her about you. she said that you were a middle blocker, 6 foot something, and that she liked your friend yamaguchi? i don't know, she said it then she denied it."
"oh, she likes him alright," he chuckles. "he walks her home every night."
"really?!" you pick up two cans of coke and clutch them to your chest, standing upwards. tsukishima shyly reaches for another strawberry drink. "i'm mad at her for not telling me that."
you make your way to the front with tsukishima following behind you. you place the contents on the counter, the woman behind muttering something you can't discern as she scanned your orders.
"are you allowed to stay out a little longer?" you ask him, the soft beeps of the drinks grazing his ears. he shrugs again, reaching for his wallet.
"yeah, sure. do you want to do something?" he places the payment on the counter before you were able to take your own cash out. you pout.
"i was going to pay for mine."
"it's alright. it wasn't that expensive, anyway." he smiles a little at you. and it was the first time tsukishima had ever smiled kindly at anyone, except yamaguchi, his mom, and akiteru. "you were saying?"
you pop open your can. "i found this really nice spot where you can stargaze. and, honestly, i'm bored and tomorrow's the weekend. i would have invited you to do this tomorrow, but we're here now!"
he laughs through his nose. "i'm free anytime."
when you both approach the exit, coach ukai and the team stand by the open doors. tsukishima stops on his tracks, his mouth parted the slighest as you tip your head back to drink your soda. when your head comes back in place, your eyes settle on the crowd upon you.
"oh, hello ukai-san!"
tsukishima looks at you through his peripherals before darting his eyes back front. they all snicker, eyes widened at the sight in front of themâ cold, narcissistic, mean tsukishima kei, with probably the nicest girl in all of karasuno. yachi waves at you.
"is that why you were rushing to get out, tsukishima?" ukai teases, a cigarette hanging loosely off his lips. "i see you've met my number 1 customer."
he blushes when he's exposed, and he ignores the way you give him a surprised glance.
"so you must be the girl he was texting earlier," tanaka approaches you, offers his hand. "forgive him. he sounds lame when he texts, but trust me if you saw his face he looked likeâ"
"tanaka-san." tsukishima almost pleads.
while shaking his hand, yachi approaches you with yamaguchi behind her. "this is why you asked me about him!"
"shut up, yachi."
tsukishima could die right then and there. melt into a puddle of sweat and embarrassment. there were words exchanged between you and his ever loving team, the heat on his face becoming hotter and hotter at every second.
he wishes he could leave now.
by the time hinata begins to ask you a question about tsukishima's attitude, he sighs loudly. "excuse us, but we have to head out now."
you look at him again. "we do?"
"yes, we do," he looks down at you. "you told me, remember?"
you smile at him, recollecting your invitation. "oh, yes! we should get going."
you offer your goodbyes to the curious group. tsukishima wallows in discomfort, walking away with his shoulders slightly slumped and a hand in his pocket.
"i like them," you tell him, drinking your coke. "they're nice."
"they're really not," he takes a sip of his drink. "if you hung out with them, you'd be just as annoyed as i was."
his "joke" makes you laugh. first he thinks what could be so funny about his comment, then he realizes you don't actually know that he wasn't joking. the thought makes him swoon just a little.
"so why stargazing?" his and your feet are synchronized, stepping on the uneven cobblestone to the destination that tsukishima still doesn't know. your shoulder is closed to his when you walk; he resists the urge to put his hand out so that they'd graze your fingers, feeling the heat rub on his calloused skin.
"yesterday, when you walked home, i looked back and saw you look up at the sky," you reply. "and i realized that "oh, he stargazes too!" so i decided to bring you to my spot."
"your spot?" you hum in agreement. "why?"
"because it's nice to share the feeling of looking up at beautiful stars." you throw your now empty can onto a nearby bin, opening your second one. "i figured maybe you might feel the same way i do."
if it was admiration then yes, he felt the same way you did.
đ â
tsukishima realizes the walk was 10 minutes away from his home. now you're both standing at a hill where you can see all the houses nearby and karasuno at the other side.
you sit down on the ground, he copies you. his bottom sits on the soft soil, his fingers prickled by the grass, and the cold smell of the meadow enters his nostrils.
he thinks that everything is happening a little too fast â he had only met you yesterday, exchanged emails earlier, went out to buy drinks, and now you're both sitting at a hill stargazing like it's a date. your optimism and kindness shakes him a little, leaving him with an unknown thought of what he could possibly do as of this moment.
yet he's still here, watching you gaze at the stars, the sheer glow of the moon kissing your cheeks, the stars reflecting off the mosaic of your eyes. you're radiating this cordial heat that wraps around his right arm that rests just millimeters away from you.
"told you it's pretty," you beam, lips parted, never sparing him a glance. "you see that? that's cassiopea right there."
you point to the sky and squint, and it's only then tsukishima takes his eyes off you and follow the direction of your fingerprint.
you trace the invisible strings that connect each star to one another. blearily, his imagination turns those strings into silver. tsukishima draws nearer towards you, his shoulder now bumping yours, his pinkie grazing the skin of your finger.
"andromeda isn't here yet. but it's the one i've been waiting for the most," you turn your head to look at him.
tsukishima's breath hitches when he realizes that he may have underestimated how close the proximity he had created was, your breath fanning his face. he senses your surprise, the way the bottom of your eyes twitch lightly and your nose scrunches a little.
"i figure maybe they arive in a few weeks," he murmurs. he can sense your surprise and says: "you're not the only one who knows about stars."
"yeah? figured you were more into dinosaurs."
"that's true," he sniffles, you giggle. "when i was a kid i thought that the stars were the ones who killed the dinosaurs. so every night, when i see them, i would always cry 'cause i thought that they might fall here and kill us all."
"pessimist, huh?" when your head tilts up, your chin bumps his shoulder. "anything else i should know about you?"
"there's one thing i want to tell you but i've been making it plainly obvious."
"you have a knack for strawberries."
"yes," he smiles a little, the whites of his teeth appearing between his thin lips. "i like music."
"so do i."
"yeah? what genre?"
"...anri..."
"really?" tsukishima's eyes brighten, maybe even brighter than the stars. "i like her music."
"i thought you were kind of a japanese rock kind of guy."
"i can be many things," you look back up to the sky, your eyes darting between each individual star like you're tracing another constellation. tsukishima's tracing the features of your face like it was his constellation.
"yachi says you're mean, but in a way that brings up the team's drive to play harder," you say into the wind. "please don't be mean to me. i cry easily."
tsukishima wonders if he can even smile more than he is now. "i'll try my best. you're giving me a lot of reasons to be mean right now."
"but you're not being mean to me right now," you poke his glasses and shove them to his face, hurting the bridge of his nose. albeit tsukishima doesn't mutter a single complaint. "you're just being dorky."
"i am not!" he balances his body with one hand behind him, the other tugging on the end of your hair.
"now you're just being childish!"
your laugh beats out all the songs he had to search for to complete every single of his playlists. it was as soft as silk, as dulcet as violins; it was something he'd play on repeat when it played on his headphones. and your sweet laughed matched the way your face became even more beautiful.
tsukishima feels his heart beat a little bit faster.
a star explodes. supernova.
he no longer feels wearied from practice, his body languid from comfort in your presence. and just like last night, he was happy his day ended with something that lacked the usual bothersome feeling in his chest, but something that decompressed every constraint muscle in his body and think of something else that made the corner of his lips smile and his heart elated.
that's why when he went back home, when his mother and akiteru (who was visiting) were dead asleep, he silently descended to his room with a smile on his face, brushed his teeth with the sound of your laugh echoing in his ears, changed his clothes with your scent somehow lingering, and went to be thinking about you.
đ â
the past few weeks were more eventful than the days he had to train for the inter-high preliminaries.
the more he saw you, the more he felt himself unwinding like a diurnal motion, every trust and rigor travelling through his veins whenever your aura touched his opalescent skin.
you were the succor to his weary bones. you were the happiness that he never truly found in others. you were the light brighter than the stars could ever give him in the dark.
secrets were passed the way notes would in classes.
you got a sweet tooth? what dessert do you like?
strawberry shortcake, tsukishima said. no regrets, no embarrassment. pure adoration.
did you know that velociraptors aren't actually that big?
yeah? how'd you know that, tsukishima?
it's called reading, he'd roll his eyes. you're in the highest class and you don't read?
his retorts were never used to add insult to injury. that's what he liked about youâ you knew when he was serious and when he wasn't despite the fact that tsukishima believed that he was hard to read. it seemed like you were able to read him better than yamaguchi has.
his heart aches at the thought. the ache, painful but so good, but something that he could not discern the true intention.
but he could never let you in him. never in his life.
you. saw a frog and it looked like you. loser. 12:51pm
you and tsukishima had exchanged countless of texts that contained topics that he never expected himself to be indulging in. that familiar ding! of his phone reminded him of you already, because you'd been the only one who constantly texted him more than yamaguchi has.
(also because, well, he set up a different tone for you.)
tsukishima sees your name pop up in a rectangular notification on his screen. he opens it with sweaty hands and a towel over his head, his thumbs typing out a snarky reply.
tsukishima. How could a frog look like me, (y/n)? That's dumb. 12:51pm
he ruffles his towel over his damp curls, the sweat on his temples being sucked into the cloth. he watches the three bubbles appear on your side and you say:
you. because i said so. look! 12:52pm
the attached image looked far from what tsukishima looks like. it was a regular frog, beside a pond, with no thoughts. he rolls his eyes.
tsukishima. I don't see it. 12:53pm
you. thats because youre not LOOKING. do u see his eyes? literally you. i think its the mouth, haha 12:54pm
he laughs either way despite not having seen any similarities. but laughing seemed to be a mistake, as he forgot where he was at the moment.
"quit laughing, tsukishima. you'll slack off," kageyama taunts from afar, face etched into an arrogant smirk. yamaguchi approaches him, peeking over tsukishima's shoulder to snoop on the conversation.
"are you worried i'll ruin your game, king?" tsukishima rubs the back of his neck, tilting his chin upwards. "my apologies."
you send him another text: omw there to see u :p 12:59pm
the latter's growl was overpowered by yamaguchi's hum of interest. "tsukki, that frog does look like you."
"yamaguchi, how nosy are you?"
"nosy enough to ask when will you tell her that you like her?"
tsukishima's eyebrows furrow. he did not like you. during those weeks, the both of you did more than just exchange texts in any time of dayâ often you'd meet after classes and buy a drink when he didn't have practice; sometimes you'd wait for him until seven in the evening so you'd both go up the hill again and talk mindlessly about things that tickled your brains.
in those few weeks, he had learned more about himself than he ever had with anyone else.
and he feels, though never actually given any attention to, that his days ended with a smile on his face rather than feeling boredom creeping up his shoulder like a grim reaper would on a dying soul.
instead, it felt like he was resurrected; tsukishima felt like a shooting star falling through evening, the fire pulsing through his veins as he fell. with you, he felt like everything else had color, that everything else made sense.
his life became brighter that it seemed like hinata's hair was actually on fire from the bright orange hues.
so no, he did not like you.
"i don't like her." he wipes the sweat that dripped onto his glasses. "don't be ridiculous."
"yesterday, when you were eating, you kept talking about how this (y/n) girl told you how the dinosaurs from jurassic park were created. and all of us were talking about one piece."
"so? it's way more interesting."
"but not her?"
"yamaguchi," he bemoans. "nothing is interesting about her."
that lie. that sickeningly, macabre, heartbreaking lie that it even hurt him to say it. tsukishima also doesn't understand why yamaguchi has a horrified face plastered on him, but he realizes he wasn't looking at his friend, and was looking behind him.
he whips his head around.
the tips of your shoes had mud on them from the dampened soil. your umbrella hung loosely around your wrist and dripped on the ground. your fingers clasped around a small contained with what seemed to be strawberry shortcaked that looked delectable enough to make his stomach hurt. and your chest heaved from what he assumed was the aftermath of rapid walking.
despite the sight that had made his head spin, the affliction that twitched from your frowning lips and the gloss that made your eyes shine from dejection had turned the situation into something so monotone he feels like his soul had just left life.
a star dies in the middle of the galaxy.
tsukishima thinks the regret plastered on his face may be seen. he hopes that it is.
the sound of squeaking shoes and ricocheting balls continue, but the ringing of his ears are louder. you swallow thickly, shuffling on your feet, and approach him hesitantly like he'd burn you if you were near him.
"i brought you this because you looked so pale yesterday after you practiced," you say softly, though he could hear the pain in your tone. tsukishima takes the container from your reaching hand, and swears he sees your breath hitch when his fingers graze yours.
"thank youâ"
"see you around, tsukishima," you bow, before you hurriedly leave the gymnasium.
it felt like the room was shrinking rapidly on him, his muscles pressing in on his body in a suffocating manner. yamaguchi puts his hand on tsukishima's shoulder, leaning down to check in on his distraught friend.
"tsukki," his eyebrows are raised in concern, voice loud enough to snap tsukishima out of his pity daze but low enough that everybody else remained distracted. "hey..."
"i'm fine," he looks up at him. "it's nothing. i'm- i'm fine. let's just go back to practice."
his fists clench when he shoves the cake into his bag and walks back into the court. his blocks are futile when he thinks of your eyes. his serves hit the net when he thinks of the frown pasted on your lips. and he feels himself at the bottom of the game when another star dies.
he just doesn't know if it was his or yours. could a heart break two times?
đ â
tsukishima had a crisp trepidation towards the true veneer of love.
he believes he was too young for that, that he was in a stage where he would have this deep passion for things that were alive albeit something that he can't touch nor interconnect withâ hense is unfathomable love for dinosaurs, stars, and strawberry shortcake.
so whatever it is that he was feeling for you â he doesn't know if it's love. tsukishima feels like he could die if he didn't see you for a single day; his feet and his body restless up until you both meet after practice.
tsukishima is even more restless now.
there wasn't a single text from you since 12:59 in the afternoon.
there was almost a hundred texts from tsukishima since 3:00pm, the time he had excused himself early from his practice.
he lays on his bed, his headphones on but no music. he wasn't in the mood to put himself up in brighter spirits. his back rests uncomfortably on the thick mattress, his curls splayed across his pillow, a hand on his chest and a hand holding a fork, his feet spread apart.
and the strawberry shortcake you gave him rests on his chest, half eaten, his mouth chewing sadly on the sweet delicacy.
"do you think stars have thoughts?" you asked. tsukishima found this beguiling and preposterous simultaneously, however the curiosity that happened to lift his lips into a dazed smile made him release a teasing retort:
"you certainly don't."
you threw a grape at him. he caught it with an open mouth. the sun was about to set, but the warmth was enough to prevent the both of you from shivering idiotically on the hill at the cold breeze. "i'm approaching an epiphany, asshole."
your vulgarity made him smile more. "celestial bodies, more specifically stars, do not have thoughts. but they're alive, and they function into a cycle."
"unorthodox minds like mine go out of the box," you rolled your eyes. "sorry, i'll put it in simpler terms so you could understand. i have a very creative mind."
"oh yeah?" tsukishima tilted his head sideways to present his interest. "and what'd you mean by that?"
"you know how stars die and create themselves?" you queried. "it's like how phoenixes rise from the ashes as they're reborn. but when a star resurrects, they're called "zombie stars," right?"
"yeah."
"and i'm not saying that they have a mind of their own, but if you were to input your own thoughts into a star, then yeah, it's like they resurrect themselves to live on with life over and over again, and don't you think that's exhausting? they're like dead stars, and they still shine brightly, and it's ironic, right? because something that has been dead billions of years ago still shine. it has a meaning into it that people just... completely ignore."
"so an analogy?" his eyebrow raised.
"yeah, something like that," you licked your lips. "when you see a bright star, and you don't know if it's a dead star. but imagine stargazing and finding love in something that has been dead long ago."
tsukishima's body softened. "uhuh."
"but what if you keep loving that star? and that star just receives so much of that love that they're able to resurrect themselves. well, obviously loving a star isn't actually gonna bring it back to life because there's a separate scientific explanation for that, but i'm saying thatâ that if you love something, or someone, hard enough that you're able to bring light into their lives, then that's possible.
and they take all that love for the benefit of their life and... they burst into something beautiful called supernovas."
tsukishima stared at you, his gaze ever so adoringly. "and what's the point of this epiphany of yours?"
"that loving someone that has been gone inside their body is possible to save them and bring them back to life to turn them into someone even more beautiful."
tsukishima sits back up, a whiplash from the quick commotion.
it was already night when his thin curtains were tainted black from the dark glow of the evening.
he pushes himself off his bed, slip his way out of his home and clumsily puts his shoes on to find you.
and he knows exactly where you are.
so it's no surprise when he sees you all alone, laying down on the meadow of the hill, blooming flowers grazing your cheeks in any way the wind blows. tsukishima stands and stares at you longingly, his fingers twitching beside him.
"(y/n)."
he says your name like an oath to the stars. you sit up, hearing his voice, cheeks dry with tears melting onto your skin. tsukishima's heart breaks the slightest when he brings himself up the hill.
"what are you doing here?" you ask him, voice so small he'd think you were whispering.
to his surprise, tsukishima falls onto his knees in front of you. he finds it endearing that despite the reduce of his height, you still look up at him. then he takes your hands into his, his thumbs tracing every ridge of your knuckles, looking deep into your eyes.
"i didn't mean what i said." he declares like he was under jurisdiction of the judge. "you areâ... the most interesting woman in the world. the most beguiling, the most entrusting, the most beautiful."
your eyebrows furrow, hands shaking in his grasp. "what are you saying?"
"that i'm an asshole." he admits. "you are so interesting that every epiphany of yours pulls me back on the ground and into you. that epiphany you had about dead stars that resurrect themselves from getting so much love? shit, (y/n), that may be me."
you let out a tiny gasp, maybe a breath of reliefz his face is so close to yours, his knees in between your legs, bumping the side of your thighs. "what?"
"iâ... i don't know if you love me. you don't have to. but you've made my days brighter and gave my life meaning that i felt like i was resurrected. like all the pieces in me were brought back together. and everything else just felt... alive."
finally, you smile. just a little, but it was enough to make the grass greener and the color of your shirt turn pastel, your eyes vibrant in the night. "yeah?"
"yeah," he laughs, idiotically he may add. "i like you. i like you so much. i like you more than i like dinosaurs."
you guffaw, throwing your head back, hands never letting go.
a star resurrects. a supernova explodes.
"i like you more," you say, looking up at him through your eyelashes.
it was enough for him to jump on you to press his lips on your awaiting mouth, gently pressing you down on the grass, his hand on the back of your head to soften the blow as he settles himself in between your legs.
his mouth, sweet with strawberries and ardor, his hair soft like flowers when your fingers tangle on the golden locks, his glasses pressing against the space between your eyebrows and the bridge of your nose, his tongue that hovers respectfully on top of your bottom lip.
innocent, lips full of solicitude, he kisses you deeper and with care, his head tilting to open his mouth the slightest so that he could get closer to you. the small sound that emits from your mouth makes him pull back and smile shyly.
his eyes had the galaxies reflected off his eyes that it made space seem like they were golden from his irises. you take his glasses off, placing them beside you, and let your hands rest on his face; tucking his hair behind his ear as you do so.
and above your intertwined bodies, andromeda swims across the stygian night sky, traced by invisible strings. just as tsukishima predicted.
tsukishima could stare at you for the rest of his life.
tsukishima loved four things: dinosaurs, strawberry shortcake, stars, and most especially:
synopsis ⸠back in high school, hinata couldnât muster the courage to confess to you. but after a few years in brazil, heâs come back ready to get what he wantsâand this time, heâs not shy about it
Hinata felt his heart stutter the instant his gaze landed on you seated next to Tadashi in the arena stands. An almost overwhelming rush of nostalgia washed over him, dredging up vivid memories of countless stolen glances and flustered interactions with you throughout high school.
Back then, he could barely string a coherent sentence together without feeling flustered if you so much as smiled in his direction. Even hearing your bright laughter echoing through the gym had a way of completely short-circuiting his brain and reducing him to a useless puddle of disaster.
But now? Now Hinata's reaction took an entirely different form as he shamelessly drank in the sight of you. His eyes roamed hungrily over the soft curves accentuated by your outfit, mouth going dry as he committed every detail to searing memory. Just the mere suggestion of those legs currently concealed beneath fabric of your dress made something hot and molten unfurl in the pit of his stomach.
Swallowing hard, Hinata forcibly dragged his gaze upwards before he could descend too far down that particular rabbit hole of temptation. Only to find himself utterly transfixed by the slightly stunned yet undeniably intrigued look shining back at him from your wide eyes.
You didn't look away or shrink beneath his blatant perusal. No, you held his heated stare steadily, lips parting around the faintest of shaky exhales that made Hinata's mouth water hungrily in response.
Of course you would react this way, all confused but undeniably curious about the changes written across his body after so long apart. He couldn't exactly blame youânot when he still had vivid memories seared into his brain of you stretched out in various states of undress during so many of their video calls, completely unaware of just how utterly you drove him to distraction.
Like that one time in Brazil when you'd insisted on catching up immediately after waking up, still soft and rumpled from slumber. He could still picture every tiny yawn and sleep-warm murmur so clearly, chest constricting as your oversized tee dipped lower on one smooth shoulder with each shift, nipples pressed against the thin fabric.
Back then he'd nearly combusted on the spot, reduced to nothing but a stammering mess again as pink patches of heat began trailing hotly up his neck, cheeks burning as his gaze hungrily traced the vee of skin exposed between those fluttering sheets. He'd spent the entire video call fantasizing about sliding past the thin barrier of cotton, allowing his starved hands to roam your sleep-warmed curves in a sizzling glide...
And the entire time, you'd been utterly oblivious to the effect you were having on him with each tiny, intimate gesture. Just blissfully unaware of the lust coiling hot and heavy in Hinata's abdomen as he fought with everything in him not to lose control over the suggestive feast currently parading across his screen.
It was only when you sleepily tugged the collar aside again, breath hitching on a whine of annoyance that exposed even more of that soft, unblemished swell for his hungry gaze, that Hinata finally broke. He'd choked out a strangled excuse about losing signal before fumbling off-screen, your bemused voice echoing through his throbbing skull as he frantically grappled with the painfully hard cock already straining against his sweats.
Even thousands of miles away, you'd had that sort of effortless power over him. An almost cruel ability to drive him to the brink of feverish desperation without even trying, until he burned through his self-control and surrendered to rutting into his own fist with broken moans slipping past his gritted teeth.
And now, here you were againâfinally within reach after so long spent being tormented only by memories and his own wandering hands. Hinata's entire body felt like it was burning up from the inside out as he drank you in properly for the first time in ages, utterly powerless before your presence once more.
He needed to get a grip on himself before things spiraled completely out of control here in public. But between the sight of you staring back at him with similarly ravenous interestâas if you could sense the depraved hunger draping over his every thoughtâHinata didn't know if he stood a chance in hell.
"Shoyo?" you breathed out at last, sounding just as dazed and stunned as he felt right now. "You...you look so..."
'So different', he could practically hear the unspoken end to your observation hanging in the air. Hinata swallowed thickly, hands flexing compulsively at his sides as if to restrain the part of him aching to reach out and finally get his hands on you at long last.
"Yeah, you could say that," Hinata rumbled out in response, feeling his throat tighten as you continued drinking in his new physique with open appreciation.
Only you didn't seem to realize just how molten your innocent once-over was making his stare in return. The way your gaze trailed over the contours of his arms and chest - mapping every ridge and shift with rapt interest - it was like you were completely oblivious to how your simple perusal alone had heat unfurling in his lower belly already.
"Wow Shoyo, I can't believe how...built you got!" you exclaimed with that same vibrant, sunny enthusiasm he remembered so vividly.
Hinata swallowed hard, forcibly dragging his own lingering stare away from the gentle swell of your breasts straining against your top. He really needed to get a grip before this quickly spiraled out of control. The scorching temptation to crowd into your personal bubble and yank you flush against his bodyâletting you feel the evidence of his reaction first handânearly overwhelmed his strained control.
"Guess all that training down in Brazil really paid off in more ways than one," Tadashi interjected with a pointed look that clearly said 'back off' loud and clear.
Leave it to your brother to play chaperone without even realizing it. Hinata shot him a grateful nod, refocusing on maintaining an outward veneer of friendly casualness even as indecent temptation blazed through his thoughts.
"Yeah for sure, the weather alone was no joke," he managed in response, scratching the back of his neck absently. "Pretty sure half my gains just came from lugging beach equipment around all day in that type of heat."
You giggled at that, leaning forward with your chin resting on one palm as you studied him intently - completely missing the way Hinata's chest expanded on a sharp inhale. This close, he could almost taste the light floral notes of your shampoo intermingling with that intoxicating natural musk he'd fantasized about nuzzling between so many times...
"Well either way, it looks good on you Shoyo," you hummed, causing his stomach to swoop dangerously. "Those poor Brazilian ladies must have been fainting all over the place thanks to these muscles."
You reached out as if to teasingly prod at his bicep, but Hinata aborted the contact at the last second on instinct - afraid of just how incendiary your innocent touch might actually feel after he'd spent countless nights fucking into his fist while imagining those same fingers wrapped around his aching cock already.
"Hah, well you know...gotta practice some restraint now and then," he deflected clumsily, ignoring the look Tadashi shot him at the obvious evasion.
Inside, however, Hinata could already feel himself steadily unraveling just from this relatively tame interaction. The fantasies he'd nurtured and refined over his years in Brazil were swiftly taking on feverish new life thanks to your close proximity and utter obliviousness to them.
How many times during those long, aching nights in his tiny apartment had he imagined wrapping your lush curves around him just like this? Grinding himself against your body with broken groans while chasing after the slick, velvety cunt he'd been cruelly denied for years on end now?
God, you had no idea how desperately he craved the sensation of sinking into your softness until his hips were nestled snugly against your ass, until he could finally bury his face into that sensitive spot on your neck and inhale deeply as your cunt clenched around him so tightly...
"Hinata? You okay there?" Tadashi's knowing look pierced straight through his reverie, instantly dousing Hinata's rapidly spiraling thoughts in a frigid dose of reality.
He blinked rapidly as you waved a hand in front of his face, looking equal parts amused and concerned by his sudden hazy distraction. Right, he really needed to rein this runaway lust in before it became far too obvious to you bothâespecially while surrounded by crowds like this.
"I'm great, just got a little spaced out there for a second!" Hinata reassured you with what he hoped was a disarming grin. "No need to worry about little old me though. I should probably, um, head back and get changed for the game soon before the coaches come hunting."
Yet even as he tried to take a polite step back, Hinata felt his resolve crumbling beneath your warm, expectant stare again. Before he could retreat entirely, his gaze dipped down to trace the gentle flare of your hips beneath the cinched fabric there. He swallowed hard while envisioning settling his palms against those tantalizing curves, tugging you forward untilâ
"Right, right of course!" Your bright voice thankfully pierced through his heated trance, finally allowing Hinata some semblance of reprieve. "We'll be cheering loud for you out there, so go get 'em!"
You beamed up at him beautifully, so sweetly unaware of the scorching extent he wanted to make you cheer for him behind closed doors later. Behind the innocent encouragement, however, Hinata detected the faintest flicker of the same fiery tenacity that had first drawn his obsessive attentions years before.
A silent promise that when you inevitably saw through the paper-thin barriers he currently hid behind, you would confront those long-suppressed temptations roaring between your forms with the same headstrong intensity you approached everything else in life.
And God, did the mere implication of having all that vibrant passion channeled solely towards him in the throes of writhing rapture nearly make Hinata's knees buckle completely.
"Y-Yeah," he rasped out with visible effort, fighting to regain some semblance of composure. "I should...I'll see you both after?"
The unspoken yearning dripping from those words hung heavy between your bodies like a tangible Siren's call. You simply nodded reflexively, seemingly unaware of the delirious fantasies blazing behind Hinata's burning stare now. He turned on wobbling legs and forced himself to retreat before losing the battle entirely.
Only once he was safely out of your line of sight did Hinata finally allow one trembling exhale to slip free, entire body quaking with unsated need. He could no longer deny just how badly you unknowingly affected him down to his very core. The years of separation and growth had only stoked those kindling flames into an insatiable furnace crying out for your submission now.
Well, one way or another, Hinata refused to spend another sleepless night tormenting over fevered fantasies that would forever remain a tragic fantasy. Not when the breathtaking reality of peeling you apart with his tongue and reclaiming every sweet inch of untapped paradise waited so deliciously within reach at last.
Now that the game was truly afoot between you both in earnest, he would stop at nothing to stoke your innocent curiosities into an all-consuming firestorm of mutual rapture blazing properly at long, long last.
The roar of the crowd was deafening as Hinata's teammates swarmed him in raucous celebration after their hard-fought victory. Bokuto's boisterous voice could be heard bellowing something about a "banger of a post-win rager" while good-natured slaps and jeers echoed off the walls.
Normally, Hinata would have been right in the thick of the chaos - feeding off the infectious energy and hollering along with the best of them. Tonight, however, all that background noise barely even registered past the singular focus currently demanding every iota of his undivided attentions.
Because there you were across the bustling floor, radiant smile shining brighter than the overhead stadium lights as you chatted animatedly with Tadashi. Hinata swallowed hard, unable to tear his molten stare away as you tossed your head back in unbridled laughter at something your twin said - the column of your throat completely on display and begging for the torrid worship of his mouth.
His lashes fluttered momentarily as Hinata allowed himself to fully envision crowding into your space, caging you against his solid frame as you stared up at him in breathless bewilderment. He could practically taste the dizzying cocktail of your floral shampoo and rapidly spiking arousal intermingling as his rough palms ghosted over the feminine flare of your hips possessively.
"Such a good girl for me tonight," Hinata would rumble in a rasping growl that would make you shudder. "Cheering me on so sweetly... you deserve a reward now, donât you kitten?"
He would dip in close enough for his lips to brush against the feverish pulse in your throat as you swallowed convulsively at his bold suggestion. Hinata could almost feel the delicate shiver wracking your frame as those innocent, expressive eyes darkened with dawning temptation right before he claimed your parted mouth in a searing kiss.
Only the graze of a heavy palm against his shoulder snapped Hinata out of that delirious trance. His head whipped around to find Atsumu crowding into his space with a cocky smirk that immediately put him on edge.
"So hey Sho-kun," the blond purred in a voice like dark silk. "Looks like you already got plans for celebrating that big win judging by how you're eye-fucking Yamaguchi's sister over there."
Hinata tensed, digging deep to remain outwardly unfazed in the face of such blatantly provocative teasing. But a small, traitorous part of him couldn't deny the undercurrent of hot, thrilling validation thrumming through Atsumu's words either.
Someone else had clearly noticed the heated gazes and molten tension sizzling between your forms now. And rather than mock or judge, Atsumu seemed to practically savor Hinata's quiet infatuation in rare approval.
"Not sure what you're on about," he grumbled out gruffly, maintaining a carefully curated mask of nonchalance for appearances. "Pretty sure that's just what people look like when they're happy for their friend's success on the court."
Even as he deflected, Hinata's eyes tracked the graceful sweep of your body as you pivoted on your heel, only to find your bright gaze directed right back towards him now. The universe itself seemed to narrow down to just your smoldering forms alone as every fractured second ground to a halt between each shared inhale.
God, you had no idea just how much you tempted complete madness with those guileless eyes and softly parted lips currently burning into him from across the arena. Hinata felt himself beginning to slowly unspool the longer you held his molten stare hostage effortlessly.
Whether you realized it or not, you were rapidly fueling the fever pitch of his determination to ruin you properly before the night's end stretched on any longer. Years of quietly molded fantasies and memories culminated into this blazing inertia demanding action before it consumed every last rational fiber of his being utterly.
"She's looking this way, right at you man," Atsumu murmured in a honeyed timbre beside him, sounding alarmingly similar to the sinful voice of temptation itself now. "Don't you think it's about time to stop all this creeping around and find out if she really does have the hots for ya?"
Hinata rumbled low in his chest, more sensations than coherent words contained in the resonance vibrating across his tensed shoulders. That flame Atsumu had so accurately identified was rapidly becoming an inferno, stoking his lust higher with every passing second that your twin gazes remained tangled amidst the celebration unfolding without a single care for propriety.
He could practically see the searing outline burned into your guileless depths in that instant - the imprints of what sculpted shoulders and ridges he might unknowingly awaken your first breathless, shameless stirrings over more clearly. And the thought of defiling that remaining innocence forever with unchecked passion was nearly enough to make his restraint snap entirely.
"Shoyo! Get your ass over here already, celebratory shots time!"
Bokuto's booming voice shattered the fevered tension at last as Hinata reluctantly tore his focus away from your magnetic orbit. But not before shooting you one final smoldering look heavy with dark promise.
Beside him, Atsumu chuckled with deeply layered appreciation at the loaded exchange passing between your forms without another word necessary. Hinata responded with a subtle, predatory smirk that clearly conveyed his intent to revel in that unspoken rapport with you unrepentantly moving forward.
"Sounds fun and all, but I've got my eyes on a different kind of celebration at the moment," he murmured with thinly-veiled purpose.
Then, with each rolling step carrying fresh inertia towards your glowing silhouette lingering nearby, Hinata allowed the last crumbling shreds of hesitation to dissolve into anticipatory heat. His cock was already achingly stiff against the unforgiving fabric of his shorts by the time he reached your side - so utterly enthralled by your presence it bordered on rapturous fever.
Outwardly, he maintained a careful veneer of casual nonchalance even as his ember irises scorched over every tempting contour presently filling his peripherals. Up close once more, Hinata could smell the crisp, clean tang of citrus and jasmine radiating off your warm skin - a heady, intoxicating cocktail of purity and hidden feminine heat that made his palms itch with the overwhelming need to touch you.
"Hey sis, you about ready toâ?" Tadashi started, only to freeze at the abrupt weight of Hinata's relentless stare pinning him in place.
To his endless credit, your twin didn't immediately bristle or snap into defensive mode despite certainly sensing the banked fires raging beneath Hinata's stoic mask at that moment. No, Tadashi simply studied him for several prolonged heartbeats with uncanny calculation filtering behind his eyes. Then, drawing himself upright, he cleared his throat and fixed Hinata with a long, weighted look.
"Well, I'll just leave you two to catch up then," he murmured with pointed emphasis, bestowing his trust onto Hinata's shoulders with that single declaration of space.
Hinata appreciated the courtesy and read between the lines readily. Tadashi might suspect his real motives were not nearly so benign any longer, but was withholding final judgment one way or another based on how Hinata chose to conduct himself next.
With a subtle nod of acknowledgment, Hinata turned the full force of his focus back to where you remained innocently oblivious to the battle of wills flickering between both men. God, the lack of guile currently shining in your beaming features sent fresh lances of protective fervency singing through his veins amidst the hunger.
"You were amazing out there tonight, Shoyo," you praised without reservation, smile stretching radiant and warm in a way that left him breathless all over again. "That cross-spike in the third set was seriously amazing!"
"Thanks, I worked really hard on perfecting that setup," Hinata rumbled out in a voice gone to velvet gravel that made your pupils blow fractionally wider despite your naive enthusiasm.
He drank in the subtle shiver that wracked your frame, satisfaction curling hot in his gut. Clearly while years of fantasizing had in no way prepared Hinata for reintroducing the untempered rasp of blatant desire into your dynamic, it had the intended effect all the same.
Unable to resist further, he took a prowling step into your orbit - delighting in the way your breath hitched when his solid chest brushed yours. His callused fingers itched to splay over the bare skin of your waist, desperate to feel the rapid fluttering of your pulse against his rough palms properly.
"Although I have to admit..." Hinata continued, trailing off to allow his heated amber stare to rove over you in an indolent sweep. "What really pushed me through those grueling sets tonight was the thought of having you splayed out on my bedsheets later, kitten..."
The blatant crudity of his words had your jaw dropping in a wordless 'o' of shock, though Hinata couldn't help but savor the glazed glimmer of temptation momentarily unfurling behind your innocent irises. He craved to chase that forbidden spark until it transformed into an inferno of shameless yearning matching his own finally.
"WhâShoyo!" you stammered out breathlessly, shrinking back instinctively as heat rushed to stain your cheeks in a delicious blush. "Where is all this even coming from all of a sudden?"
He flashed you that crooked, predatory smirk you'd never seen grace his features previously - the one that promised each unholy revelation to come was but a mere crumb trailing toward the true raptures he planned to show you soon enough. Hinata braced one broad forearm against the wall beside your head, effectively caging you into his solid frame as his mouth ghosted dangerously close enough to sow the first seeds of sweet ruin onto your parted lips.
"Don't act so scandalized, princess," the rumbling growl thrummed between your shared breaths in a seductive caress. "You and I both know you've been perched on that razor's edge of temptation every time your pretty eyes roved over my body earlier too...imagining how different things finally feel compared to everything fading memory lets you fantasize over at night alone, hmm?"
You shuddered bodily at the deliciously lurid insinuation, the mere suggestion of such forbidden knowledge rendering you momentarily mute despite his blunt provocations. Hinata savored each stunned flutter of those long lashes adoringly, already anticipating the euphoric gasps and mewls he'd soon elicit from that sweet mouth as he thoroughly unraveled your remaining innocence inch by molten inch.
"Shoyo..." you tried to interject, though the plea emerged strained and hoarse - undercut by the delirious curl of desire already blossoming between your thighs from his mere proximity alone.
"Shhh...it's okay," he hushed in a low purr that vibrated through your entire frame. "I've got you now, kitten...no more dancing around everything this fire between us has been simmering towards since the very beginning."
Hinata punctuated the declaration by nuzzling his sharp nose along the sensitive column of your throat, inhaling your floral musk like the sweetest opiate as he blazed a path towards the hollow of your ear with languid, open-mouthed worship.
"Don't worry, baby...you'll be whimpering out every filthy little fantasy you've been too ashamed to indulge properly soon enough," he rasped in dark promise against your shuddering form. "I'll ruin you in the most obscene and delicious ways imaginable until you come apart completely from my cockâ"
"Shoyo!"
Your sharp cry finally snapped him out of that feverish spiral, though Hinata refused to withdraw from the intimate sprawl of your twined bodies entirely yet. Not when your pupils had already blown wide through the exquisite conflict of self-consciousness and kindling arousal set aflame between your forms at long last.
He studied you carefully for several heartbeats, relishing the sight of your chest flushing a rosy hue. You looked utterly debauched despite his relatively tame provocations so farâalmost as though faint impressions of your sordid imaginings were already searing themselves across your lovely canvas for him to marvel over properly.
"Sorry, got a little carried away there, I guess," he breathed out in a gravelly rumble that had you quivering anew. "You just have no idea what it does to me seeing you so sweet and unraveled like this for once."
When you didn't immediately respond beyond a shaky inhale, Hinata pressed forwardâquite literally, as he angled your conjoined bodies into an even more intimate press that trapped his rapidly swelling cock between your trembling thighs in delicious promise.
"You want to know exactly where all this is coming from, baby girl?" he husked out in a velvety baritone ghosting between your quivering lips once more. "Well, why don't you come back to my place and let me show you in the ways I've been dreaming about you for years now?"
He punctuated the depraved offer with a slow, sinuous roll of his hips that made your eyes flutter and breath hitch with unbridled shock.
"O-Oh! I, um..." You stammered breathlessly, those soulful eyes darting between his heated stare and the insistent ridge grinding up against your clothed heat. "Well your place...that sounds fun, I guess! I'd love to hear more about the game from you, you knowâ"
Fuck, your endearing obliviousness almost made him groan in helpless rapture right then and there. Perhaps the written invitation had been far too subtle for your innocent sensibilities to pick up on properly. This called for a more forceful approach...one that would leave no uncertainty regarding his deliciously heated intentions after you were behind closed doors together finally.
So in one fluid surge of masculine aggression, Hinata allowed his dominant arm to snake around your waist fully, hoisting you up and flush against his rock-solid frame without warning. He swallowed your adorable gasp of surprise with a molten growl, relishing the way your palms splayed out across his chest reflexively as you instinctively anchored your slight form to his much larger one.
"I'm going to fuck you senseless tonight, kitten," he grated out in low, feral promise against your parted lips, already pivoting to make for the nearest exit. "Going to make you come apart for me over and over until this sweet little body of yours knows it belongs to nobody else but me from now until eternity..."
You whimpered beautifully at that crass vow, writhing unconsciously as his free hand palmed the generous curve of your asscheek in rough possession. Hinata felt his cock throb maddeningly in response, lust blazing white-hot as fantasy after fantasy spiraled closer to searing reality at long, aching last.
"Don't try fighting this anymore," he commanded in a molten rasp dripping temptation with each vowel. "I've only just begun to show you the true depths of my depravity...but if you're a good little girl, I'll give you everything you ever fantasized about and more before the sun rises tomorrow, baby..."
With that husked benediction still shivering through your very marrow, Hinata carried you both towards sweet, ruinous rapture awaiting in the distance without another flickering shred of restraint left to tame the inferno blazing between your tangled spirits at last.
You would be his utterly - shattered, debauched, reborn amidst the ashes of your innocence tonight and any nights beyond left to come afterwards. And Hinata already knew he would revel in every shattering, breathless unraveling until the boundaries separating your forms simply ceased to exist at all in the wake of such profound, profane communion.
As soon as Hinata opened the door to his apartment, you immediately brushed past himâdrawn towards the stunning floor-to-ceiling windows spanning the far wall with stars in your eyes. He was instantly hypnotized by the sway of your hips and couldn't tear his heated gaze away. He watched hungrily as you pressed against the glass, enamored by the glittering cityscape before you.
"Pretty cool view, right?" he rumbled, slowly prowling up behind your petite frame. You startled when his chest pressed against your back, instantly surrounding you in his heady masculine presence.
"Y-Yeah, it's incredible," you stammered, heart fluttering against your ribcage. "You can see everything from up here."
"Can you now?" Hinata's voice dropped an octave, that suggestive lilt making you shiver. His calloused palms skated up your bare arms unhurriedly as he leaned down, hot breath fanning over the sensitive shell of your ear. "And just what exactly did you have in mind for enjoying those...premium sights, baby?"
You bit your lip to stifle a whimper as his nose trailed along your neck - undoubtedly scenting the arousal already trickling through your veins despite your best efforts. Hinata chuckled lowly when you failed to respond beyond shaky exhales.
"Don't get all shy on me now," he crooned, warm lips brushing your pulse point. "Pretty sure I've earned the right to be a little curious after spending years dreaming about having you just like this..."
Your breath hitched as Hinata's palms smoothed over your abdomen to splay possessively across your lower belly, fingertips grazing the waistband of your skirt in clear suggestion. He rutted his hips against the swell of your ass - allowing you to feel every thick inch of his cock grinding against you insistently.
"Well?" He prompted in that same velvet-rough timbre, clearly expecting a response this time. "How about giving me a preview of exactly what's gonna make you squirm and whimper when I finally get this cute little skirt off you, hmm?"
You swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry as the reality of Hinata's scorching attentions crashed over you in waves. His words were every bit as crude and demanding as the heated length now nudging against you with an undercurrent of commanding virility.
"I...I don't know what youâ"
Hinata's hands squeezed your hips sharply, cutting off your rebuttal with a growl of displeasure that sent a frisson of need zinging straight to your core on instinct.
"None of that, kitten," he rumbled in rebuke against your hairline, strong arms like steel bands bracketing you into place. "You don't get to play innocent anymore - not when you've been teasing me without even realizing it for years now."
One of those large palms trailed upwards to palm your breast with gratifying possession, fingers toying with your pebbled nipple through the thin fabric in a way that made you gasp.
"That's it...just like that," Hinata groaned, sounding enraptured by your stunned vocalization. "God, you have no idea how bad I wanna hear you let it all out without holding back tonight. Been saving up those gorgeous little noises for me all along, haven't you, baby?"
Emboldened by your trembling silence and wide-eyed awe, Hinata spun you around to face him abruptly - pinning you against the cool glass with one of his thick thighs wedged between yours. The predatory intensity in his hooded stare left you dizzy as he caged you in with his powerful frame.
"Come on, princess...don't be shy," he murmured while rolling his hips in tantalizing emphasis, grinding his length against your abdomen in simmering promise. "Tell me exactly where you want me to start worshipping that sweet body with my hands and mouth first..."
He punctuated the lewd offer with a slow, sensual lap of his tongue along the column of your throat that had you gasping and bucking against him reflexively. You'd never seen this side of him before - this unabashed, dominant side that exuded a magnetic forcefield of pure, carnal energy.
"Sh-Shoyo," you pleaded in a breathy voice you barely recognized. "This is so embarrassing, I...I mean we've never even kissed and you're talking aboutâ"
Your words died in a strangled moan as Hinata's mouth crashed into yours - devouring you in a hot, open-mouthed kiss that seared with unchecked hunger. His lips moved against yours insistently, coaxing your own into a messy tango of lips, tongues, and teeth as his hands skated down to grasp the back of your thighs, hiking you up onto his hips as though you weighed nothing.
"Mmph, fuck," he panted raggedly right before he latched onto your bottom lip with a lewd suck that left you both groaning. "Tastes so fucking good - I could spend the rest of my life kissing you like this and never get enough..."
The admission sent a delirious thrill of arousal coursing through you, leaving your skin tingling and blood humming with molten desire. Without thinking, you looped your arms around his broad shoulders to anchor yourself closer, grinding down on the thick erection jutting up against you shamelessly.
Hinata groaned against your mouth, rutting into the sweet friction your bodies were creating. You could feel how wet you were through the thin fabric of your panties, and judging from the way he was grinding against you like a man possessed, so did he.
"Fucking hell, kitten...you really want me to take you like this, don't you?" he husked, voice raw with lust. "Get rid of these fucking clothes and just fuck you right up against the window for the entire world to see how fucking needy you are for me?"
His filthy words left you panting and mewling, desperately clinging to him as he continued his ruthless assault on your senses. You didn't even care about the potential repercussions of being so exposed right now. All that mattered was the heat, the pleasure, and the way Shoyo was looking at you as though he wanted to eat you alive.
"I'm gonna give it to you just like that, baby...so good, so fucking deep and hard," Hinata growled, nipping at your neck with a hint of teeth. "Gonna show you what it feels like to get fucked within an inch of your life by the only man who'll ever get to see you come apart like this..."
His fingers were digging into your ass cheeks now, squeezing and kneading the soft flesh as he ground his cock against your dripping core. You were practically writhing against him, desperate for release but too lost in the moment to think about anything other than chasing the delicious friction between your bodies.
"Shoyo, please," you gasped, arching your back and grinding down harder against his thigh. You were so close, you could feel the pressure building, your body trembling with anticipation. "Please, I'm so close..."
Hinata's hand slipped between your legs, pressing against your throbbing clit through the thin fabric of your panties. His fingers rubbed slow, firm circles as his cock continued to grind against your thigh, and within seconds, you were teetering on the edge.
His forehead pressed against yours as he stared into your eyes, his expression a mixture of intense arousal and affection. "Let go, baby. I wanna see you come for me," he murmured, his voice a low rumble that resonated deep inside you.
Your orgasm hit like a tidal wave, washing over you in a white-hot rush of pleasure. Your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth open in a silent cry as the sensation consumed you. You felt Hinata's lips press against yours in a searing kiss, swallowing your moans as your body trembled and shuddered in his arms.
When you finally came down from your high, Hinata's arms were wrapped around you, holding you close and stroking your back. "That was so fucking hot, baby," he murmured, kissing your temple. "You donât know how badly I wanted to touch you like that for so long now..."
Your face flushed as the realization of what just happened hit you. You'd never experienced anything like that before - so raw and primal, but also tender and intimate. "It was...I've never..." you stammered, too embarrassed to put your thoughts into words.
If possible, you watched as Hinata's eyes darken even further with lust, his grip on you tightening possessively. "Never?" he repeated, his voice low and rough as he began to nuzzle and kiss your neck. "Fuck, kitten...you mean nobody has ever touched you like that before?"
You shook your head, biting your lip as you avoided his heated gaze. But Hinata was having none of that, his hands gripping your jaw gently but firmly as he forced you to look at him. "Don't hide from me, princess," he murmured, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. "I wanna hear you say it. Say that I'm the first man to make you feel like this..."
You felt your body responding to his words, the desire coursing through your veins again, stronger than before. "Y-Yes," you whispered, unable to resist the urge to grind against him. "Only you, Shoyo."
The words were barely out of your mouth before he was kissing you again, his hands roaming over your body as he guided you back towards the window once more. You could feel his cock straining against his pants, pressing against your belly, and a small part of you was almost afraid of how big he felt.
But there was no turning back now - not when Hinata was growling and rutting against you like a wild animal, his hands already tearing at your clothes. You didn't protest, too caught up in the moment to think about anything other than getting him naked as quickly as possible.
Your skirt and top were tossed carelessly aside, followed by your bra and panties. You stood naked before him, a flush creeping up your neck and spreading across your chest as his hungry eyes roamed over your body. You felt your nipples harden, whether it was from the sheer intensity of his gaze or the cool glass behind you, you couldn't tell.
Hinata was breathing heavily now, his pupils blown wide as he drank in the sight of you. His hands cupped your breasts, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, making you gasp and arch into his touch. "So pretty," he murmured, leaning in to kiss the valley between your breasts. "And all mine..."
Your head fell back against the glass as he took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking and teasing it with his tongue. You were already aching for him, desperate to feel him inside you. Your hands found his hair, threading through the soft strands as he lavished attention on your breasts, his hand sneaking down to slide between your thighs.
You gasped as his fingers parted your slick folds, circling your entrance teasingly. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, a smirk playing on his lips as he eased one finger inside, making you moan softly. He set a steady pace, working you open slowly, his mouth still sucking and nibbling at your nipples.
"More," you whimpered, rolling your hips in time with his movements. "Please, Shoyo...I need more..."
He chuckled softly, adding another finger and pumping them faster. You could feel the heat building inside you, coiling tighter and tighter as his thumb rubbed against your clit. You were panting and writhing against him now, completely lost in the sensation.
Hinata pulled back suddenly, leaving you feeling empty and needy. But before you could protest, he was tugging his shirt off, tossing it to the side and then shoving his pants down. You sucked in a breath as his cock sprang free, thick and heavy, the tip absolutely glistening with precum.
His eyes met yours, dark and full of lust. "Turn around and bend over for me, baby," he growled, his voice sending a shiver of anticipation down your spine. "I wanna fuck you from behind - wanna see your pretty little ass bounce as I pound into you."
You did as he asked, bracing yourself against the window as he pressed his cock against your entrance, rubbing the tip up and down your slit. You were already so wet, you could feel your arousal dripping down your thighs. Hinata gripped your hips tightly, pulling you back onto his cock, hissing as the chubby tip slipped inside.
"Ah f-fuck," he grunted, hissing as your walls clenched around him, struggling to adjust to his size. "Taking me so well, baby..."
You moaned, trying to relax and let him sink deeper. You could feel every inch of him stretching and filling you, the burning stretch sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. Hinata bottomed out, his hips flush against your ass, and the sensation was indescribable.
Your elbows buckled and you dropped forward, cheek pressing against the cool glass as Hinata began to fuck you, slow and deep, each stroke driving him deeper. You could hear his labored breathing, feel his hands tightening on your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh as he picked up the pace.
One of his hands slid up your spine before grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging back. "Fuck, look at you," he growled, his voice ragged with pleasure. "So fucking perfect, taking my cock so well...just like I knew you would, kitten."
The praise only heightened the pleasure coursing through you. You could feel your second orgasm building, and Hinata's relentless pounding wasn't helping. You were a moaning, panting mess, the window fogged with your breath, his fingers tangled in your hair and your breasts pressed flush against the glass.
"You think anyone can see us from down there, baby?" Hinata's voice was pure sin as he continued to thrust into you. "How does it feel knowing anyone who looks up can see just how fucking needy and desperate you are for me?"
The thought should have made you nervous, but all you could focus on was the pleasure, the way his cock was stretching and filling you so perfectly. You were practically drooling at the thought of him claiming you like this - right here, where anyone could see.
"Yes, yes, please, don't stop," you moaned, the pressure building higher and higher until you felt like you were going to explode. "Shoyo, I'm so close...please make me cum, please..."
Hinata's hips began to piston even faster, his cock slamming into you so hard you were sure there would be bruises later. He was grunting and growling, his grip on your hair almost painful as he pounded into you, his cock hitting all the right places. You could feel your climax approaching, the tension coiling tighter and tighter, your walls clenching around him as he chased his own release.
"That's it, baby...come for me," he rasped, his breath hot against your ear. "Cum all over my cock, I wanna feel it..."
And just like that, you were tumbling over the edge, crying out as the pleasure washed over you. Your body shook and trembled, your walls fluttering and squeezing around him as you all but squirted, coating his cock in a flood of wetness. Hinata fucked you through your orgasm, his pace unrelenting, the slick sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the room.
"F-fuck, kitten," he growled, his hips snapping against you, his cock hitting so deep it made you whimper. "I'm gonna cum, gonna fill you up...fuck!"
You could feel him twitching inside you, his movements becoming erratic and then suddenly he was burying himself deep, his cock pulsing as he came, painting your walls with hot spurts of his cum. He collapsed against you, his weight pushing you harder against the window, his breath hot against your neck.
For a few minutes, all you could do was catch your breath, your bodies still joined. But then you felt his large palms smooth over the underside of your knees, lifting them up and hooking them over his forearms, effectively trapping you between his body and the glass.
"Wait, what are youâoh my God," you moaned loudly, feeling his cock harden and swell inside you almost instantly. "Sh-Shoyo, w-wait a sec, Iâ"
"Can't," he interrupted in a guttural snarl, grinding his hips into yours as he began to slowly fuck his cum deeper inside you. "Need another, kitten. Need to feel you come on my cock one more time before we get cleaned up."
"O-one more??" you choked out, unable to believe the words coming out of his mouth. You were exhausted and still a little dazed, but the way he was thrusting into you was quickly reigniting the fire within your core.
"Mhmm," he hummed, nuzzling and kissing the crook of your neck and shoulder. "Just one more...then I'll stop."
I was studying in our dinner table because i didnt want to study in my room. It was stuffy and i felt sleep but i need to study for chem because we have an exam. While i am studying i wear my earphones to listen to mario kart study playlist cause it helps study lol. My mom was talking to my dad via videocall and she said to me that i'm just pretending to study. Even tho im wearing earphones i clearly heard what she said. It hits me so hard because i'm studying really hard just to fit their expectations for me that i was a honor student, a child they can be proud of, a kid that they can boast to other because i got high grades. Her words hit me like truck i felt crying but i didn't cause i never cry infront of my family. I felt so hurt that whatever effort i make is useless for her,that i cant do better, i cant live up to her expectations. I never felt so hurt by her words because I never once said anything to her because i want be the perfect kid for her so i can seek her academic validation because i never got the attention i needed but really? Her words strike me like a gun. Ig you could say that do be careful with your words :>>
32. "text me when youâre home" (reader x mitsuya)
a/n: i chose mitsuya i hope that's okay!!! i haven't written for him in forever and this was so sweet and very like him :')
prompt list for this game!
"i don't wanna go," you whine, snuggling into your boyfriend's chest. "you have to get up early, baby," mitsuya soothes, always the more responsible of you two. "and your apartment is a lot closer to the airport than mine is. it'll save you time."
"but it'd be nicer to sleep here with you," you frown up at him. he kisses your forehead, "that would be nicer. but you can sleep over when you get back from your trip. for as long as you want."
the promise of future nights together is enough to motivate you out of his bed and to your feet. mitsuya follows, handing you your bag and kicking your shoes to you. he grabs a sweater for you from his closet, knowing you'd want to have it on the plane.
the small gestures always make you smile. you pull him into a kiss which he gladly returns before helping you tug the hoodie over your head.
"i love you," he smiles dreamily in the doorway as you leave. you kiss him again, hugging him tightly, "i love you more."
"text me when youâre home, okay?" he holds your face in his hands, looking into your eyes. you nod obediently, smirking at his seriousness. "promise?" "yes, takashi," you kiss him again. "stop worrying. i promise."
the drive home doesn't take too long; it's late and there's hardly any traffic. you get inside and decide to take a quick shower before bed. as you're changing into mitsuya's hoodie and a pair of pajama shorts, you swear you hear a knock across the apartment. you hesitate, a bit worried that your sleepy brain could just be playing tricks on you.
but then you hear it again. someone is definitely knocking on your front door. you tiptoe over and peer through the peephole.
"what are you doing here!" you laugh, whisper yelling as you pull the door open for mitsuya who is standing patiently in the hall.
"well, you didn't text," he gives you a chastising look. "and i was worried. but also, i thought about what you said."
"what did i say?"
"that it would be nicer to sleep together the night before you leave for your trip," he smiles sheepishly. "so i thought i'd just come here."
"you're really cute, takashi. have i ever told you that?"
"once or twice," he shrugs, grinning wider.
"sorry, i didn't text," you wrap your arms around his neck. "but it got you over here, so i don't feel bad."
he leans down to peck your lips, chuckling. "let's go to bed, angel."
I loveeeee the boyfriendification of ran haitani! It was sooo good to see a new side of him with the reader. It was well written! Love it some much! If your request is open, I was wondering if you could do something within the line, when they are officially dating and some random chick in the bonten office or club trying to get into ran's pants. I know he wouldn't do such a thing but wanna make it a misunderstanding, like the reader went in the room or something then she saw the girl was sitting on Ran's lap but he wasn't doing anything the girl just push him down and kinda force herself to be on top of him but sadly the timing before he can brush her off his lap the reader came in and misunderstood the thing. He's trying to explain grabbing her and begging her to listen for a while but the reader is hurt so she rushed back home to her apartment without letting him explain because she was hurt. I dunno why I wanna see him desperately trying to explain to you and win you back for days or weeks. I am a sucker for crying man child. Wanna see my boy cry for a girl for the first time in his life 𼺠I just love angst to comfort fluff.
-đŚđŚđŚđŚđŚđŚđŚđŚ
a/n: 18+!!!! NSFW!!! SWEET BUTTERFLY ANON I AM !!!!! LOSIN !!!! MY MIND!!!! I LOVED THIS IDEA SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR IT AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS! THIS ACCIDENTALLY GOT SO LONG AND IT ISN'T VERY PROOFREAD BUT I HOPE IVE DONE YOUR REQUEST JUSTICE PLS ENJOY đđ
content: ANGST/COMFORT, sex!!! (maybe unprotected? it's unclear), language, drinking/smoking/ lil bit drug references, more talking kinda fucked up about women knock it off sanzu!!!!
word count: 4,492
"sanzu, you motherfucker..." ran hisses as he arrives at the address in the group text. bonten was having a huge event tonight, celebrating some major investment that was panning out exactly as koko had anticipated. mikey had given sanzu the reigns on party planning as he objectively partied the hardest out of the entire organization.
but sanzu was sanzu and ran wasn't sure why he had expected anything other than a party at the strip club.
sitting in his car, hands tightening on the steering wheel, ran stared up at the brick building, at its neon pink XXX sign and the flashing silhouettes of girls that danced beneath it. he mumbled a few curses under his breath, unsure of what he should do.
on one hand, he knew he was expectedâ no, requiredâ to show up tonight as one of bonten's executives. on the other hand, the thought of sitting around getting drunk with half naked girls all night while you, his girl, was waiting in his apartment for him to get home, made him feel a little queasy.
ran worried about pushing you too far. he worried about it all the time. when he'd take business phone calls in the other room so you wouldn't hear, when he'd come home with injuries he couldn't explain, when he'd give some shitty explanation and disappear for a week, he always braced himself for you to leave him. and he wouldn't blame you. he had never been the most patient or flexible person, and he doubted he would be able to put up with such treatment if the roles were reversed.
but you were everything ran wasn't. and he loved that about you. where he was coarse and unforgiving, you were tender and compassionate. every time he was sure you'd had enough, every time he came to you with an apology and a bad excuse, you had kissed him and held him and understood that it was out of his control. fuck he loved you for that.
one thing you and ran did have in common, however, was your jealousy. and ran knew that finding out he had spent the night at a strip club, even without him doing a single thing with anyone else, would hurt you deeply. especially because you knew him so well, and would know that he hadn't even wanted to be there in the first place.
massaging his temples with his fingers, ran sighs. he realizes he's dialed your number without thinking.
"hi hon," you answer on the second ring.
"hi baby," he finds himself smiling at the sound of your voice, already less tense.
"how's the party?" you ask. "is everything okay?"
"i didn't go in yet," he sighs again, resting his head against his hands. "it's at sanzu's fuckin' strip club, babe."
you're silent on the line. ran inhales deeply, tells himself to stay calm, but he can't. "please say something," he groans.
"i meaaaan," you draw out the word, trying to organize your thoughts. "that's not... ideal."
he exhales a laugh through his nose, finding it so amusing how you're always able to keep cool like this.
"well, you don't want to, like... i don't know..."
"i don't want to do a fucking thing with girls who aren't you," he finishes your sentence for you. "you know that, right?"
he thinks he can make out your sigh of relief over the phone.
"that makes me feel better," your tone changes. "ran, babe, it's a celebration, right? go have fun with your boys. i'm really glad you told me, i appreciate you being upfront like that."
"jus' didn't want you t'get mad n' shit," he mumbles, cutting the car's engine. "didn't wanna hurt your feelings. you know you're my girl."
"i know, baby," your sweet voice makes his heart swell. "and i'm not mad."
"thanks, gorgeous," ran prepares himself to get out of the car. "i'm gonna be home as soon as i can to see you." he stuffs a pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and steps out into the cold night air, "and every time i see titties tonight, i'm gonna imagine yours instead, okay, baby?"
when ran had gotten home that night, it was nearly 4 in the morning. he had tried so hard to come in quietly, to tip toe into the bedroom and curl up at your side without waking you. but he quickly found that he was much too drunk to maneuver his long limbs with any amount of grace, and ended up missing the doorway completely, walking straight into the wall of the hallway. you jolted awake at the loud fuck! he blurted out.
you had helped him take off his shoes and strip down to his boxers after that. once you were back in bed and he'd pulled you into his arms, you listened to him tell you about his night. he'd had fun letting loose with his boys, but whined about missing you, seeing too many women who weren't you, wishing it had been you up there dancing for him. before he fell asleep, he asked you to remind him when he was sober that he wanted a strip tease from you. you didn't, but thought it was funny and cute that he had sounded so delighted by the idea.
but now it's been a week since the party, and you've nearly forgotten all about it. the only parts that stick in your memory from that night are the ones when ran had called you from the parking lot, a nervous wreck about being in a situation which could have hurt you, and where he told you how much he had missed you while hugging you close to his chest after the event.
"what are you thinking about?" ran's voice snaps you back to the present. he's coming back over to you from his liquor cart, placing a glass of whiskey into your hands.
"you," you tease, sipping the drink, watching his face light up.
"good," he purrs, cupping your cheek and pulling you toward him for a kiss. the taste of whiskey and cigarettes on his tongue is so familiar on your own.
taking the glass from your hands, he steps forward, backing you up until you feel the firm edge of his desk at the back of your legs. he puts the drinks aside and lifts you easily onto the dark, wooden surface.
tonight was special for two reasons. the first, was that it marked six months since you and ran had officially been together. he never failed to remind you that it was his longest relationship ever, and you took pride in the fact that you had been the lucky one who got him for so long. and second, tonight ran had allowed you into his office at the bonten building for the very first time.
granted, it was mostly because it was around the corner from the restaurant where you'd had your anniversary dinner and by the time you got to ran's car, he was desperate to get you alone. the crowded restaurant parking lot was not an option, his apartment was too far, and, after calculating that not many people would be in the office with all the shipments coming in this weekend, ran decided it was worth the risk.
he stands between your legs, kissing you hungrily. a hand remains behind your head to hold your face to his. you fist his jacket, tugging him closer. "got another anniversary gift for you, baby." you laugh breathlessly as his words fall just sort of sexy and land somewhere around cheesy porno dialogue. you love him so much that it's still endearing. he fumbles with his belt, sliding you closer with a hand at your lower back.
he tugs down the front of his pants to free his throbbing length. he's painfully hard already, been yearning to feel you around him all night. you scoot your hips closer to the edge of the desk, pulling up your dress to your hips. "good girl," his voice is low in your ear. the praise sends a spark of desire through your body. you manage to slide your panties halfway down your legs and kick them off before ran is nudging your thighs apart with his hands.
"gorgeous," he remarks, spreading your pussy lips with his fingers. he coats his fingertips in some of the arousal that's already leaking from your needy hole. "such a good girl. you get so fuckin' wet for me, don't you, angel?"
you whimper and give a nod, wrapping your arms around his neck to brace yourself. six months and you still haven't gotten used to his size. you're privately grateful for it, the way every time he fucks you feels like the very first time. and you can tell from the lewd way he groans as he presses inside you that he feels the same way.
gasping for breath as he bottoms out, you can't hold back the whines that are escaping your lips. "why are you so noisy?" he teases, tugging down the front of your dress to expose your tits to him. "i haven't even done anything yet."
he punctuates the point by pulling back and thrusting up into you roughly. you cling to his shoulders, crying out with each snap of his hips as he gets into a rhythm. the way he's pounding into you is making you feel lightheaded. your face is buried in his neck and with every breath you inhale the familiar scent: cologne, cigarettes, whiskey, soap. everything is ran, the sharp press of his fingertips into your hips, the stretch inside your tight walls, the hot breath fanning over your cheek as he pants with exertion.
his thrusts get sloppy, you realize he isn't going to last much longer. one of his hands slips between your bodies, fingers searching for your swollen clit. when he finds it, you moan against his throat, incoherent sounds mixed with swear words. you hear him chuckle, "you like how i play with you, baby? fuck, you're so fuckin' sexy." your hips are jerking with a mind of their own at the stimulation, and soon you're cumming, clenching around him impossibly tight. "shit," he hisses through gritted teeth. "gonna make me fuckin' cum." "p-please," you whimper, hands fisting his hair. "please please please." your pleading is enough to finish him off, and he explodes inside you with a primal grunt, head thrown back in pleasure.
you both relish in your releases, chests heaving, the room filled with the sounds of your labored breathing as you come down from the high. ran leans in, kissing across your collarbones. his lips make their way up your neck and trace the line of your jaw. finally he holds your face in both his hands and kisses your forehead.
you feel a swell of pride in your chest, knowing that only you get to see this side of him. you hope he can see the adoration in your eyes as you smile back at him and, just in case he can't, you pull him close, arms still draped around his shoulders, to whisper right in his ear, "i love you."
ran turns his head, catching your lips and kissing you for a long moment as his response. it was rare that ran said i love you back. in fact, he'd only said it a total of three times throughout your relationship. twice during sex, and once when he was blacked out drunk. but you didn't mind it, really. he showed his love in other ways. ways that came more easily to him. lingering touches, extravagant gifts, weekend getaways to have time alone, the tenderness in his kisses.
"yeah, it just doesn't feel right sayin' that shit," he'd laughed on that drunken night. "not even to rin. just feels... i don't know... fuckin' weird comin' outta my mouth." you had nodded, drunk as well but not enough that you hadn't remembered the conversation the next day. he'd grabbed your hand abruptly, squeezing it tightly to get your attention. "obviously, i fuckin love you," he had said matter of factly when you looked over at him. "so i don't have to say it all the time, right?" you had assured him that he didn't have to say it if he didn't feel comfortable. you already knew.
ran retrieved your panties from the floor and helped you get re-dressed where you sat on the desk. "your office is nice," you say nonchalantly, grinning at him as he does up his belt buckle. he smirks, "a lot nicer with you in it."
you hop down from his desk, "i should get going, hon." ran's face falls. he tries to convince you to stay, but knows that you're too responsible to not go home and finish up your big project for work. "don't work too hard," he teases, leaning down to kiss you. you smile against his lips, "not a chance." ran lifts his office line, calls for a car to take you home, and then you're gone.
ran drops into his desk chair, heaving a contented sigh. he's already missing you, wondering when he'll see you next and hoping it's soon. he's shuffling the papers that have been displaced across his desk back into some semblance of a neat stack when the door to his office bursts open.
at first ran thinks it's you, that you'd forgotten something. but then dance music and high pitched giggles come streaming in from the hallway. "whoops!" sanzu slumps in the doorway, reaching for the doorknob but stops when he sees ran seated at his desk inside. "raaaan," sanzu slurs, seemingly unable to process the death glare he's being given. "whuddarya doin 'ere, maaan!"
"what are you doing here?" he raises an eyebrow, rising from his seat.
"mikey's gone," sanzu's grin widens. "koko's gone, kaku's gone, fuckin' everybody's gone! so i brought my hooooess!"
ran watches with judgment filled eyes as three half naked girls stumble down the hall past sanzu, laughing and yelling and presumably also high on the same shit sanzu had taken.
"wow," is all ran can manage.
"you should come partyyy!" sanzu's face catches up to his words a few seconds later and he beams at ran, pupils dilated to fill nearly his whole iris.
"no thanks," ran scoffs disdainfully. "shut the fuckin' door."
"noooo, why are you over here??" a woman's voice whines, high and nasally from the hall. sanzu looks over his shoulder and just laughs. "i was all alone in there 'n you promised me a dick in my fucking throooat!"
the woman finally appears next to sanzu, and ran recognizes her as one of the dancers from his club. she's topless and wearing a pair of bright red panties and glittery red heels. she whines again, leaning into sanzu's chest tits-first.
ran winces, finding the whole situation to be unbelievably cringey.
"oh!" the stripper cries, peeking into the office. "i remember you from the club the other night! tight suit, tight ass, drinking whiskey, right?"
sanzu laughs like a hyena and disappears from the doorway. ran swears he's gonna beat the shit out of him one day.
"would you shut my fucking door please?" ran asks again, getting seriously irritated with sanzu's antics ruining what had been a perfect evening.
"oh, sure, sweetheart," the stripper purrs, stepping inside and pulling the door shut behind her. ran wants to tear his hair out.
"no, fuck," he stands abruptly. "can you get out of here? i'm not a part of this fucking party."
"not yet, handsome," she slinks toward him. "but you can be."
she places her tiny manicured hands on his shoulders and shoves him back down into his chair. he's so startled he can't react, even as she sits herself down on his lap, her hands running down his chest.
"big man like you must have a pretty bigâ"
"what the fuck?"
ran's eyes nearly pop out of his skull. you're standing in the doorway to his office, looking like you'd just witnessed a fucking murder. and he's sitting under a topless stripper who was about to ask about the size of his cock. ran feels his brain short circuit.
you march into the office, snatch the purse you'd left behind from the chair near the door and disappear as quickly as you'd came. the look on your face was one ran had never seen before but anyone would've been able to tell that it was one of pure, unadulterated betrayal.
ran shoves the woman from his lap. she stumbles backward, nearly falling to the floor, "hey!" but ran can't hear her, he's already halfway down the hall after you.
you almost break into a sprint trying to get the fuck out of the building. it's getting harder to see from the angry, heartbroken tears that are already burning in your eyes. you hear footsteps echo in the corridor alongside your own and suddenly ran's hand is around yours, pulling you to a stop.
"hold on, you need to listen to me," he blurts, voice sounding strained.
"let. go."
"i'm fuckin' serious, that wasn't what it looked like!"
"i don't want to hear you say a fucking word right now, i don't want to be around you, i don't want to look at youâ" you tug your hand out of his but he lurches forward and grabs your forearm.
âSTOP IT! FUCK! can you just fucking listen to me??"
his grip is too tight. the look on his face is one of frustration, of desperation. the look of getting fucking caught, you think. you canât look at him anymore.
âno, i need to go right fucking now. i can't look at you," you jerk your arm away from him sharply and continue down the hall. your head is swimming, you need to get the hell out of the building before you pass out or throw a punch or start fucking sobbing.
ran lets out an exasperated yell, stomping back to his office and slams the door. he lashes out, swinging his arm across his desk. your unfinished glasses of whiskey hit the bookcase and shatter. ran can't fucking think, he's seeing red. he can't decide what would make him feel better: to take his baton to sanzu's face, push the fucking stripper down a flight of stairs, drive his car off a bridgeâ
"what the fuck are you doing?"
his head snaps toward the voice, practically snarling at the intrusion. he blinks at the man in the doorway.
"heard you screaming from down the hall. seriously, what the fuck's going on?" rindou looks deeply concerned.
ran deflates, collapsing in one of the dark leather chairs nearby. his large hands drag down his face, "ev'rything got so fucked up, rin, fuckin' hell."
rindou leans against the doorway watching as his older brother unravels, crossing his arms across his chest. "i saw your girl leaving. she looked pissed, what'd you do?"
"i didn't do shit," ran snaps. "not a god damn fucking thing. but she saw one of sanzu's whores in here and thinks i'mâ" he heaves out a sigh to stop himself from screaming againâ "fuckin' other girls or some shit! an' i'm fuckin' not!" a long leg shoots out and sends a side table flying across the room. rindou watches it go. he's never seen his brother like this before. not over lost fights, not over gang shit, and definitely not over a fucking girl.
"have you fought with her before?" rindou asks curiously. ran's head is in his hands but he wordlessly shakes it no. "well, then you're due for one. shit happens, go n' apologize, be a fuckin' grown up." ran remains in his pitiful position. "you actually like her, right?"
"i fuckin' love her," ran's voice is merely a whimper.
"you piece of shit," rindou scoffs. ran's head shoots up to give him a glare. "that's all the more reason to go fix this."
fixing this was much easier said than done. for nearly a week you dodged his calls. 54 to be exact, with 54 accompanying voicemails that you haven't listened to. after hearing his voice shaking in the first one, you decided you couldn't bear it. you had also left 77 texts of explanations, apologies, desperate pleas to talk with him, all unanswered as well.
it felt like you'd been crying since the moment you'd gotten home from the bonten offices. the ache in your chest refused to go away. you replayed the scene in your head over and over, wanting so badly to trust ran but seeing very few ways that the situation could have been misinterpreted.
how could you have been so stupid? you ask yourself, curled up in your bed. he's never been in a relationship that meant anything, why would you be any different? he was just at a fucking strip club!
your phone vibrates near you, lost somewhere in your blankets. you've considered blocking ran's number, but know that with him working in the line of work that he does, he'd find a way around that. you stare up at the ceiling as your phone buzzes away, the sound bringing you to tears again. sitting up, you work to excavate it and are surprised by the messages at the top of the screen.
i'm losing my fucking mind here baby
i need to talk to you
i'm coming over i still have a key
as if on cue, you hear your front door unlock. you scurry to your bedroom door and sit with your back against it, heart pounding in your ears. there's a knock, the wood vibrating against you. "baby, can we please talk?" ran's voice is pleading. "i'm fuckin' begging, here." "i don't know what to say to you," you whimper, trying to hold in a sniffle. he hears it and it feels like a slap in the face. "baby, please let me come in there and hold you." "no," you grumble, swiping away at a few tears that have managed to escape.
listening to your movements, ran realizes where you are. crouching carefully, he maneuvers his long limbs to the floor. separated only by the few inches of your door, ran heaves a sigh. it's the closest he's been to you in a week. "will you listen if i talk?" he asks softly. you don't reply.
"well," he inhales shakily. "i, uh. fuck. i know you don't believe me, but i really didn't do what it looks like. and i know if i saw you in that fuckin' position i wouldn't believe it either. but i need you to trust me. please. being away from you is likeâfuck!" he bangs his head against the door accidentally. "everything feels like that! this is the shittiest week of my fuckin' life! and i've gotten fucking stabbed before! this is worse!"
you're allowing your tears to fall freely now. the aching is getting worse, the desire to believe him and the feelings of betrayal are carving out a hole in your chest as they battle it out. you hug your knees, sniffling. "i just don't know how i can believe you," you manage in a quiet voice. "you said you wouldn't even believe it either."
ran wrestles his phone from his pants pocket. he had prepared a sort of hail mary specifically for right now. he was praying it was enough. "here." his phone slides under your bedroom door. it's open to his voice memos. you eye the play buttons, wondering what could possibly be on the recordings. figuring it couldn't hurt worse than anything you'd already felt this week, you reach for his phone and play the first memo.
"state your name," ran's voice is gruff, his business tone. another voice responds, "sanzu haruchiyo." "go ahead," ran orders. "okay," you hear sanzu clear his throat. "well, i was uh, partying, at the office. and i went into ran's office by mistake. and one of my whorâ sorry, um, one of my friends came up and saw ran. she thought he was hot, i guess, and she went in to try and get at him. i left them alone, which was fucked up of me, i guess." you click the next memo, dragging the playhead forward a bit. when the audio picks up it's a woman's voice, "âhim, but he definitely said he wanted me to leave. said to shut the fuckin' door. the ecstasy was making me horny and i just thought i'd try my luck, but he kept tellin' me to leave." "and did ran haitani ever reciprocate any of your advances?" "no, baby doll, you didn't."
despite the tears pouring from your eyes, you allow yourself to laugh. "you're so fucking stupid," you choke out, pausing the audio. "this is so ridiculous."
"it's not! if it gets you to fuckin' believe me, it's not!" ran feels so fucking close and his eyes start to prickle. "there's more. i got rindou, i got the doorman, i got security, i got the fuckin' janitor who heard some shit from the stairwellâ"
ran catches himself before he can tumble backwards as the door pulls away from his back. he looks up and sees you standing there in the doorway in your pajamas, eyes watery and red.
ran haitani hadn't cried since infancy. not on the playground, not when he and rindou were left on their own, not after getting beaten nearly to death or any of the startling number of fucked up things he'd endured in his life. but when you climbed into his lap and wrapped your arms around his middle, when he felt relief for the first time in many days at having the only girl he'd ever loved and almost lost back in his arms, he couldn't hold it in. he buried his face in your shoulder, breathing in your smell, curling his fingers into your hair, hugging you tighter against his chest.
"say you fuckin' forgive me," he begs, choking on a sob. "need to know that you know i'd never do some shit like that. never hurt you so fuckin' bad." you pull away to look at his face, mystified by the sight in front of you. you wipe at his wet cheeks with your hands. "i forgive you," you're still crying, not sure if you'll be able to stop. "you did a whole fucking deposition to prove your innocence. of course i fuckin' forgive you." his lips press to yours, laughing into the kiss in disbelief. "i love you," he says against your mouth, so softly you almost wonder if you'd made it up. but then he kisses both your cheeks and says it again in your ear, "i fuckin' love you." kissing all over your face, he repeats the words like a mantra, like they're fucking demanding to be said.
a/n: 18+!!!! nsfw!!! i got this request for hiding a pregnancy from ran and went cuckoo bananas this is gonna be multiple parts OOPS!!! please enjoy!!! ((for context, this is in the same world as boyfriendified ran!!))
content: unprotected sex, shower sex, mentions of vomit, pregnancy, lil bit angsty!!!
word count: 2.6k
ran's pacing in his office, exerting a significant amount of energy trying not to appear visibly upset by your phone call. across the room sat rindou and kakucho, who he'd been having a glass of whiskey and a nice chat with to celebrate the end of the work week before you called.
"baby?" your voice reminds him he hasn't responded to you yet.
"uh," he forces out the sound. "sure. that's fine. no dinner tonight. what did you say's goin' on?"
"i think i have food poisoning," you sigh, clearly exhausted. "i've been throwing up since i got home. they catered lunch at work today, maybe it was that."
"i should kill that caterer for ruining a night with my girl."
he's no more than 70% serious. probably.
you laugh into the phone and he turns his back to his brother and kakucho so they won't see the way he's smiling at the sound.
"thank you for that, but it won't be necessary. can we try for date night tomorrow?"
"'course," ran nods his head, hoping his tone didn't give away how disappointed he was to not be seeing you in the next hour like he'd planned.
"you sound sad," you sigh. he should've known you'd see right through him, you knew him better than anyone. "i'm sorry, baby. i'm sad about it, too."
"it's alright, babe," he starts back toward his seat. "really it is. i'll call you later? love you."
he hangs up and drops back into his chair, lifting the whiskey to his lips. rindou gives him a curious look. "my girl's got food poisoning," he explains simply, reaching for the bottle. "anyone up for another round?"
the food poisoning leaves you feeling a bit weak for the rest of the weekend, waves of nausea occasionally hitting you, but nothing as serious as when you'd called off friday date night.
you take it easy throughout the week, even calling out of work the next friday to get an extra day to really rest. ran takes the day off, too, so you can spend a whole long weekend together. and by friday morning, you're feeling good. so good that you're happily pressed against the cool tiles of the shower wall as ran thrusts his cock inside you.
the wet sounds of your pussy contracting around him are drowned out by the water running from the shower head, and you only hear ran's heavy, panting breaths because they're right in your ear. "fuck, you're so wet for me," he grunts. "look how easy i'm goin' in. love bein' in this tight little cunt."
"m-missed this so much," you whimper, nails digging into his back where you're holding onto him. it's only been a week since you'd last had sex, you wanted to be cautious about exerting yourself after being so sick, but even one celibate week for the two of you felt like months. ran chuckles in your ear, loving knowing that you long for moments like these the same way he does, and speeds up the motions of his hips.
you cry out, voice carrying through the apartment. at this angle, every stroke has his tip striking a spot inside your velvety walls that's making your head spin. "fuckin' cum around me," his words come out through gritted teeth. "squeeze my fuckin' cock the way i like it. need you to cum."
he hoists you up a bit higher on the wall, shifting your body onto one arm so his other hand is free to seek out your clit. as he rubs against the sensitive nub fervently, it hardly takes another minute before you're unraveling, toes curling, moaning loudly as you cum.
"shit, just like that," his hips stutter, the feeling of your slick cunt shuddering around his length always bringing him right to the edge of his own orgasm. your moans are only getting louder as you get more sensitive and the continued drag of his cock in your walls threatens to be too much for you.
"too much, ran," you whine. and just like that, his hips still for a moment as he releases in hot ropes deep inside you. he fucks his hips up a few more times, pumping his cum deeper, mind going a little cloudy as he comes down from his own pleasure. you squirm in his arms, kissing all over his face as he gently pulls out and sets you onto your feet.
"stop cumming inside me, perv," you tease after you've caught your breath. ran throws his head back and laughs.
"yeah right," he steals a quick kiss. "you love it too much."
you giggle and roll your eyes, reaching for the shower head so you can start cleaning up the mess he made between your legs. ran offers his arm to you for balance as you get to work.
suddenly you don't feel good at all. it's like a switch flips, the feeling coming over you so quickly you almost panic, shoving the shower head into ran's hands and almost slipping in your hurry to get out of the shower.
you barely make it to the toilet before you're heaving. the shower turns off behind you, followed by the sound of ran's wet feet on the tile. he wraps a towel around his waist then drapes one over you, rubbing your back through the fluffy material in absolute silence.
when the nausea passes, you flush the toilet and tug the towel tighter around your shoulders. your legs feel like jello, you doubt you have the strength to stand. so you plop to your butt, sitting cross legged on the floor and looking up at ran where he stands beside you.
finally, he clears his throat to speak. "was that my fault somehow??" what the fuck just happened?" he looks like a deer in headlights.
"how would it be your fault?" you smile weakly, reaching out for him.
he doesn't return the expression, but takes your hand, squeezing tightly. concern is written all over his face, mixed with something else you can't quite read.
ran plops down onto the floor beside you, examining you with too much intensity. he lays the back of his hand across your forehead, frowns, and drops it into his lap.
"stop looking at me like that."
"are you kidding me? i'm fuckin' worried about you," his eyebrows knit together. "one minute i'm fucking you in the shower, next minute you're throwing up, i'm not supposed to be a little fuckin' concerned?"
"you're yelling."
ran hadn't noticed. he usually didn't when he got emotional. it was something he'd been trying to work on, now that he had a girlfriend he loved and had been dating for just over a year. keeping himself in check was never very ran, but he tries his hardest for you. he inhales a sharp breath, forcing himself to calm down.
"i guess i'm still sick," you finally say.
"no way it's food poisoning then," his eyes narrow, skeptical but concerned.
"then what it is?" you sigh, pushing off the floor to try and get to your feet. ran jumps to help you up and you shrug him off, a bit too roughly by accident. "i'm fine," you snap. he stares at you, trying to read your mind. he decides not to comment on your sudden out of character hostility.
"we should get you some fuckin' medicine or somethin," he walks out to the bedroom. "get dressed."
you suck in a shaky breath and follow him into his room. he tosses a pair of your jeans onto the bed from his closet. then a t-shirt. you can't tell if it's yours or his but it'll work. you pull it over your head and toss the wet towel to the floor.
ran gets himself dressed while you step into the jeans and tug them up. you hesitate, blinking back at yourself in the mirror. the pants gape open at the waist, making you frown in confusion. what the fuck... why are they so... tight...
you try only once to fasten the button but give up immediately when the denim refuses to give. this was absolutely not the moment to find out you'd gained weight. like there wasn't enough making you feel like shit today. ran's weird fuckin' attitude, your stomach betraying you, the way the room hadn't stopped spinning since you'd stood up... it was all too much for one day. you don't even realize you've started crying until you hear your own choked sobs fill the room.
ran is frozen at his closet, watching you with wide eyes, and you feel so fucking stupid, bawling in his bedroom for no apparent reason, in your undone jeans.
"what's wrong?" he asks cautiously, approaching like you're an injured animal. "you don't feel good?"
"i-i don'wanna w-wear je-e-eans!" you wail, collapsing into his arms. he holds you tightly to his chest as you cry, rubbing your back but not saying a word. large hands cup your cheeks and ran presses his lips to your forehead. he looks you in the eyes, "you do not have to wear fuckin' jeans." for some reason the tenderness in his eyes, the patience he's showing you through this outburst, it just makes you cry harder. this time, though, he laughs. you hold him tightly around his middle as he reaches down to slide your jeans back down over your ass and down your thighs.
at that moment your stomach flutters. a warning.
"oh fuck," you shove away from him, kicking off your pants frantically and running back to the bathroom to throw up yet again.
this time, though, it doesn't stop. in fact, your vomiting just gets more persistent. ran is pacing through his apartmentâno, he's practically jogging laps with how nervous he isâ cursing wildly at a very patient emergency services operator who was completely undeserving of being caught in the crossfire of his panic.
"babe, do you need a fuckin' ambulance?" ran appears in the bathroom door, hand covering the lower half of his phone. you respond in a weak mnh, shrugging your shoulders before your head is back in the toilet. "yeah, send it over. pukey's not gettin' in my fuckin' bugatti." despite the way your body is violently rejecting the contents of your stomach, you manage to scowl at him. "i'll pay. i love you so fuckin' much," he mouths, eyebrows drooping apologetically.
if you didn't feel so awful, you probably would've laughed. ran was, after all, agreeing to pay $2500 for a fifteen minute ambulance ride so he wouldn't risk getting even a drop of something gross on the interior of his precious car.
the longer your nausea persists, the more time seems to blur together. it was somewhere between 10 minutes and an hour when ran came in with sweatpants and pulled them up your legs. and another 5â55 minutes later, the EMTs arrived to help you out of ran's apartment.
you send ran a look that you hope says this is so fucking dramatic and then you're in the ambulance, ran right by your side.
the emergency room nurses quickly assess your situation (looking rough, actively vomiting into one of the ambulance's barf bags) and hurry you into a room. an iv is started, a pill is swallowed down. you quickly start to feel normal again.
ran stands threateningly in the corner with his arms folded across his chest, saying nothing. a nurse comes in to run some tests and promises that a doctor will be in soon to talk with you. as soon as you're alone in the room, ran is at your side, sitting at the edge of your bed protectively.
"maybe it's just plain old sickness," you lay your head back against the pillows, exhausted from the events of the day but grateful to be having a conversation without getting sick in the middle. "stomach flu or something."
"fuck that," he grimaces. "i hate bein' sick, you better stay away from me."
you roll your eyes at him, "like you would ever let me if i tried." he flashes you a grin, adoration in his eyes. he takes your hand that's resting on the mattress, bringing it to his lips. your hand tightens around his when you feel him trembling.
"ran."
his eyes meet yours. the concerned, fearful look you'd seen earlier has been clouding his face since he made the call to the ER.
you squeeze his hand, kiss his knuckles, "why don't you go have a cigarette, honey? you're so tense."
"my fuckin' girl is in a hospital bed," he replies through gritted teeth. "of course i'm fuckin' tense."
"i know, my love, but look! i'm okay," you soothe, hoping your face is convincing enough. "i've got my fluids, they did their tests. i'm already feeling much better. you're shaking, hon. go have a smoke, feel better, and by then i'm sure we'll be ready to head home."
ran eyes you warily. the last thing he wants is to be away from you right now. but he had to admit, you knew him really fucking well. you could tell his anxiety was heightened tenfold because he hadn't gotten his nicotine fix in the last couple hours with everything going on. with a heaving sigh, he leans down to wrap you in his arms tightly.
ran wasn't a hugger usually, so you relaxed into the rare embrace, savoring the action. "this is nice," you mumble, tone nearly teasing. "fuck off," he grumbles, kissing your forehead. "i fuckin' hate this shit. i hate you being sick, hospitals fuckin' scare me. i-"
"ran," you chuckle.
"fuck, fine! i'm going."
almost immediately after ran leaves the doctor comes in. she's an older woman with light hair and kind eyes. "how do you feel?" she asks sweetly.
"much better," you tell her with a grin. "but i'd really like to know where that came from."
"was that man who left your husband?"
you shake your head, "my boyfriend." weird question, you think.
"are you sexually active?"
you nod, not particularly enjoying this line of questioning.
"do you practice safe sex?"
"like, uhâ" you clear your throat.
"do you use protection?" she clarifies. your silence is enough answer for her.
"any mood swings lately?" she continues. "weight gain? headaches? fatigue?" your head starts to swim. "when was your last period?"
holy shit, when was it? was it late??
"the blood test shows that you're pregnant," she pats your knee. her reaction is ambiguous, you can tell she isn't sure if a congratulations is in order or sympathy.
"are you sure?" you blurt. "like, how sure are you?"
"pretty sure," she almost smirks. "we can run another test on your bloodwork for a more precise answer and call you with the results. you can take a home test in the meantime, too, if you'd like."
you nod weakly. she tells you the nurse will come in to discharge you but you can barely hear her.
pregnant.
the word is pounding around in your skull like a pinball machine. your hands feel clammy. pregnant. it would explain a lot. the throwing up, getting annoyed so easily with ran, the jeans, the crying over the jeans...
the door opens and you jump. it's ran, smiling as he comes in, looking much more relaxed than before. your heart sinks. what the hell were you going to say to ran??
"you okay?" he asks, grin fading.
you nod enthusiastically, "yeah! it's just a stomach bug. i was right."
the relief on his face makes you feel even worse. "i'm glad it's nothin' serious," he comes over to kiss your forehead. "you had me fuckin' worried."
"sorry, baby," you tug him down to sit in the bed with you. "thanks for taking such good care of me." he pulls your face closer and kisses your temple, "don't thank me, come on. you're my girl. m'so happy you're okay."
the car ride home from the hospital is tense. ran tries to speak but you shut him down with one word answers or by not responding at all. you feel yourself slipping into a foul mood and desperately want to fight against it so it won't be such an awkward drive, but you can't help it.
you accidentally make it worse by asking, "can you drop me off at my apartment?"
ran gives you a look like you're insane.
in the last few weeks you've only been to your apartment once and it was just to drop off your rent check. you'd slowly started spending more and more time at ran's, moving clothes and items over so that you practically lived there with him. he was too proud (and nervous) to ask you to move in properly, so he did it by suggesting you take more drawers in his closet, bring over more necessities so you'd feel more comfortable at his place. your asking to go there suddenly and without reason felt like a punishment to him.
"why?" he responds simply, eyes fixed to the road again. you watch him adjust his grip on the steering wheel.
"i just... ran, i don't want you to be upset, okay?" you mumble, wringing your hands in your lap. his jaw tightens, "that's not a fuckin' answer."
"please don't be upset," you huff. "i just want to be alone tonight. i feel like shit."
he pulls up to a red light and then turns to you, "you really want that?"
any time he looks at you, and you don't see the mischievous twinkle in his eye or the teasing smirk on his lips, your heart sinks. this time is no different. "yes," you force out. "just for the night. please, please try to understand where i'm coming from."
the light changes. he nods once at you and redirects his attention back to driving. your chest aches knowing that he's hurt, but you need some time on your own to take in everything that's happened today. you needed privacy to receive the doctor's phone call and maybe to buy a fucking drugstore pregnancy test, too. everything still felt like some kind of sick prank.
it wasn't like you'd never thought about having kids before. and after almost a year of being with ran, you'd definitely had your share of wonderings and daydreams about him as a father, of raising a cute little kid together with your eyes and his charming smile. you just hadn't expected to have to confront these imaginings so suddenly.
the rest of the drive is silent. ran pulls up outside your place and says nothing. "ran," you squeak, hoping he'll look at you. when he glances over, his well rehearsed facade is up, smirk and all.
"get inside quick, baby," he jerks his head toward the door. "it's cold."
you can't help but frown at the way he's bounced back so quickly, how he's so unaffected while you feel like you're crumbling. he puts a hand behind your neck and drags you toward him to plant a kiss to your forehead, "love you."
"love you, too," you give him a weak smile that doesn't even last until you get out of the car.
the ding of your phone's timer makes you nearly jump out of your skin. it's the next day, and you're sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, leg shaking anxiously, staring at the little plastic wand on the counter. part of you doesn't want to look at the test at all. it would be much less stressful to toss the thing in the trash without checking the results, wash your hands, and pretend this whole ordeal was just a bad dream. but the vomiting had been real. the emergency room, the dizziness, the sobbing in ran's arms, the doctor's words.
that had all been very real.
you force yourself to your get to your feet and pick up the white and pink stick with trembling fingers. before you can muster the courage to look at it, you bring your attention back to the box the test came in.
one line, not pregnant. two lines, pregnant. simple.
you squeeze your eyes shut and hold the test in front of you. counting backwards from 3, you suck in a shaky break. 2, you grit your teeth. 1, your eyes crack open.
two lines.
two fucking lines. clear as day, there was no mistaking it.
you meet your reflection in the mirror and see that you're crying. you turn away and head into your bedroom, climbing into bed and making the decision to sleep for the rest of the day.
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across town, ran is sitting in the back office of sanzu's strip club with sanzu, kokonoi, rindou, and kakucho, waiting for koko to finish looking over sanzu's books so they could all get to the restaurant where they were planning to eat.
"did you have to do this now?" kakucho groans as koko turns another page then turns it back to double check his own work. "i'm fuckin' hungry!"
"i told you we were working," koko replies without looking up.
rindou rolls his eyes, scrolling on his phone. ran is leaned back in a chair, absentmindedly watching sanzu do coke off a mirrored tray on the other side of the desk from kokonoi.
his pink haired head pops up after a line. "stop whining," he sniffs, dabbing at his nose with his sleeve. "i'm runnin' a fuckin' business here."
ran's phone vibrates in his pocket, distracting him momentarily from the euphoria episode unfolding in the stuffy office.
"ran haitani," he answers formally.
a moment later he's on his feet, "uh, yes...but that's notâokay... mhm.... yes.... i understand."
in true ran fashion, he starts to pace down to the far side of the office and back. "i'll call back," he grumbles, the professionalism all but gone from his tone. "right... thank you..."
for a few seconds, nobody says anything. ran's back is to the others, his grip tightening around his phone in his hand.
"you good, haitani?" kakucho's voice startles him. when he turns back to the group, he's wearing an unreadable expression.
"that was the doctor," he's stunned to the point of being unable to produce any emotion at all. "apparently my girl's pregnant."
the responses come all at once, blurted in shock and sympathy:
"shit, dude..."
"i'm sorry, man..."
"wow, what the fuck."
"what the hell are you gonna do?"
ran's staring down at his phone with unfocused eyes, "i have no fuckin' clue."
ran feels a bit stupid. he feels like he should've fuckin' known. the random biâ sorry, moodinessâ, crying over anything, the vomiting, the fucking jeans that didn't fit and made you cry... how had he not realized??
admittedly, ran had gotten girls pregnant before. he'd even told you about it vaguely, never wanting to hide who he was from you, who he used to be. receiving an âiâm pregnantâ text used to hardly even phase him. each time, he would simply shell out some money to make sure they'd handle it, then promptly ghost them and move the fuck on. the situation had been nothing more than a minor inconvenience, a problem neither him nor any of the women he'd been sleeping with had any difference in opinion about how to deal with.
but now he was with you. and he wasn't so sure that he wanted to do away with this like he had been so used to doing. and, more importantly, what did you want to do? the doctor said she'd told you already it was 99% sure, so why the fuck hadn't you said anything to him?? he didn't want to face the most obvious answer.
you obviously didn't want that with him.
"i'm gonna go," ran croaks, throat suddenly tight and dry. without waiting for any acknowledgement, he disappears out of the office and leaves the club through the back door.
ran would never admit it, but he had spent many nights lying awake thinking about the future he hoped to have with you. getting married, buying a house, growing old together... a huge part of it always included having a kid with you. he loved imagining how youâd be as a mother. he was sure the kindness and patience you showed him on a daily basis would only increase for your child. sure you loved him, but it almost made him jealous sometimes to imagine how much you'd love that fuckin' kid.
sitting in his car, ran realizes the reality of your pregnancy is not anything like he'd imagined. he's not feeling overjoyed. he's not rushing over to kiss you and celebrate. instead, you're hiding the pregnancy from him, alone at your apartment instead of with him at his and he's sitting in his car outside sanzu's fucking strip club. ran feels cheated somehow. why didn't you tell him?
of course he understood if you didn't want to have his baby, as much as that would tear him up inside. he knew he wasn't dad material; his business was dangerous, the lifestyle he'd led for so long was definitely not suited for children. as many nights as he'd spent imagining being a dad, he'd spent just as many worrying about not being good at it.
what would he do if he ended up being a shitty dad like his own had been?
you were his complete opposite: soft, understanding, empathetic. you'd be an incredible parent, you'd make it look effortless. and he would probably just fuck his kid up or leave.
ran presses his fingers against his temples, as if trying to physically work the thoughts out of his head. one thing was clear, he needed to talk to you. soon. immediately. before he can talk himself out of it, he turns on his car and zooms over to your place.
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you try your best to ignore the knocking at your front door but the sound won't let up. dragging yourself out of bed, you shuffle through your apartment and open the front door without checking who it is.
"i think you owe me an explanation, sweetheart."
the words are said so calmly but they still make you want to physically leap away. ran looks disheveled, frustrated, and honestly, close to tears. he's watching you with a blank expression but you know him well enough to see the hurt in his eyes.
"come inside," you mumble, leading him toward the couch. he follows wordlessly and the two of you sit on opposite sides, facing each other.
"why didn't you tell me you're pregnant?" he asks, getting straight to the point.
you pull your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly, "i don't know."
"that's a shit answer and you know it," he snarls.
"i don't know!" you repeat, louder. "i panicked, honestly. i still don't know how i feel about it, and i didn't know how you were going to react..."
"but you should have told me, baby," ran's fists are clenched at his sides as he tries to keep himself calm. "we don't keep shit from each other especially not important shit like this!"
"don't yell at me!" you feel tears prickle in your eyes. "i got fucking scared of what you might think. and i had to know what i wanted before i talked to you. and, honestly, i figured i could probably guess what you'd want right now and that it was not being a father. sorry if that was so wrong."
"i can be a fuckin' father."
"well, just because you can doesn't mean you should."
the words strike him like a slap in the face. "i see."
"ran," you regret the words the moment they're out of your mouth. "i don't mean that. i just, i'm so fuckin' confused, i don't mean toâ"
"nah, you don't sound confused," he smiles darkly, condescending. "it sounds like you know exactly what the fuck you want."
"don't do that," you cross your arms tightly over your chest. "don't make me the fuckin' bad guy just for being scared."
"you? scared??" ran asks incredulously, sarcasm dripping from his words. "of what?"
"um, i don't know, of growing a fucking human being?" you sputter. "of having to clothe it, and feed it, and raise it to help it become an actual person without fucking it up??"
"oh, please, you're gonna be fuckin' mother of the year and raise the happiest, smartest, most well adjusted little brat in history."
"but you don't know that."
"i do," he bites back. "and so do you. fuckin' admit it, you're scared you might be stuck with a guy who's gonna fuck up your kid."
"ran!" you recoil in shock at his words. "is that really what you think??"
he lays his head back against the couch cushion, deflating, "it's obvious. why else would you hide it?"
you watch him sink back into the couch, notice how his jaw clenches and unclenches under the skin of his face. he's so tense you can practically feel it radiate off of him.
"can iâ?" you start to move toward him. he's tired himself out now, said everything he needed to say. he nods in defeat and you climb onto his lap.
you tuck your head under his chin, curling up against his chest. just having you in his armsâ having your body so close to hisâ calms him down significantly. ran has always said that none of the bonten men would ever believe how quickly he loses fights when they're with you. the man who would be excited to take on an entire gang on his own and maybe even actually stand a chance of winning, folds immediately at the hands of one woman.
your hand cups his cheek tenderly. he leans into the touch, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "you know i love you more than anything, right?"
he's surprised by the words, especially right now. he felt the same way about you, but doesn't usually think about or assume that it's reciprocated. god forbid he got too comfortable and something happened to prove him wrong.
"you have so much love to give, ran," you hug yourself closer to him. "you protect the people you love with everything you have. our kid is gonna be so lucky to have you as a dad."
he's silent for a few moments, then groans out a soft "fuck" that almost makes you laugh.
"you were caught off guard, too," his voice is low, the words are coming out slowly, like he's analyzing each one individually.
"i made it about my fuckin' self when you were just... also scared. jesus christ.
"mhm," you mumble. he rubs your back as he senses you aren't mad at him, "why do i do that shit? i almost fuckin' blew it."
"no, baby," you reassure him. "you didn't. and i obviously wouldn't let you get away that easily."
"oh yeah?" he smirks, heart soaring with the chance to speak normally with you for the first time in what has felt like many weeks. "think you've got me locked down now that you're my baby mama?"
"shut up," you burst out laughing. he kisses your forehead lovingly.
"you know, if it's not the right time now, we don't have to rush it," he tucks your head under his chin. "we can try again when we're ready."
"maybe we're ready now," you say softly. ran doesn't reply. he must've misheard you.
"now?" he repeats.
"you're gonna be good at this," you turn your body to straddle his waist. "our kid is gonna love you so much."
ran takes a shaky breath as he smiles at you. "you think?"
"obviously," you nod enthusiastically. "because i'm the one cooking him and i love you so much."
"there's a lot i'd like to unpack there."
"too bad," you giggle, hopping off his lap. "i'm hungry and you were mean to me."
ran reaches for his phone to order dinner, "yes, mrs. haitani."
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